Okay, so its a bit sad to say this is my last review (at least for now). It was great last chapter, though.
What I really loved was Draco. I think this is the chapter where I have loved him the most. He just managed to be serious and funny at the same time. I also love how he seems to be in control even though he is the one that is practically in prison. Its kind of ironic and funny, and very Draco.
I also love how Hermione seems to really want to help him, yet she knows she can't do too much. You can really see that she cares about Draco, but that she is still afraid that her friends will find out. It was just sweet, and I felt sorry for Hermione for getting herself in this complicated situation.
To sum up: I really loved this story. I think you have a great plot, good characterization and great combination of drama and humor. My advice to you is that you try to get more action into the first chapters. I don't mean action as in running, killing etc. I mean inner action, meaning more conflicting emotions. I imagine that being the case, so you could really use that to make it even more exciting to read the first chapters. Apart from that, I think you have everything needed to make a really good story.
LadyL8Author's Response: Yes, I agree. The reeling emotions are lacking in the firsrt few chapters adhat's odd considering Ron and Draco are dead. Thanks for all the help and the next few chapters should be up and that would be where it all gets very interesting and the main plot mentioned in the Prologue comes into play Report Review
Oh... this was sooo exciting.
My favorite part is when Ginny and Hermione talks. I just imagine it all in my head, and it was just so perfect. I could totally see Draco standing outside in the rain just staring at Hermione. Aw... its just so romantic :)
I also loved how Ginny gave Hermione that ultimatum. I think she would eventually do that, since it must be hard for her to lie to everyone for Hermione's sake. I also think Ginny wants whats best for everyone, and that would be Hermione being honest. You just made me love Ginny more than I ever have before.
I also think you ended it well. Now, I really can't wait to read the next chapter to find out what happens. You have really gotten me addicted to this story :DAuthor's Response: Success! Addiction!
Ginny had to tell her. At first when I wrote it, there was no ultimatum, then I had to write it in because realistically Ginny wouldn't keep lying for her. Her character is amazing.
Yes, I thought the standing in the rain part was romantic too because they didn't even need to speak to each other to understand how they were feeling.
I'm glad you like it :) Report Review
WOW! I think I have said that in my last three reviews or something, but it really is wow. I really didn't expect it at all.
I loved Draco's reaction to the news. I just expected him to either explode or panic, but he did neither. He actually supported her, and somehow it didn't seem out of character at all. It just seemed right.
I also loved Hermione in the beginning of the chapter. She really seems scared, yet happy at the same time. I think she is just a bit confused, and maybe a bit disappointed in herself for cheating. I must say I didn't really like her towards the end; when she found out she wasn't pregnant anyway. I just don't think she would react that way, but I also see that it was necessary to make your plot work. I must say that I guess she could react that way, because it was a difficult situation.
I really look forward to the next chapter. Good job :)Author's Response: I know! It had to be that way. She is extremely extremely confused so she wants to be pregnant but as soon as she finds out she's not, she has move of an urge to try to forget about it. I love to make my readers hate Hermione (I think I'm addicted to that) that's why I make her cheat and be a little bit mean sometimes.
Thanks for the review Report Review
Wow. A new twist.
This was so exciting to read, and I had a hard time stopping at the end to write this review. I just love the characterizations in this chapter. Ginny is just like I imagine, and I could really see Ron yelling at Hermione because of that "rumor".
My favorite part is when Angelina and Hermione talk to each other. I never imagined them being close, but now I could actually see that happening too. I also imagine Angelina and George having problems. I mean, they both just lost someone that they cared about. It would probably be hard for Angelina because George looks just like Fred, and it must be for George because he looks so much like Fred and therefore most people will look at him and think about Fred. To sum up, its a very complicated situation.
I must say that I'm looking forward to see how Hermione is going to get herself out of this situation, and how Draco will react when he finds out.Author's Response: Yes, I thought that they should talk even though they don't really. They are still friends in a way and I thought Hermioen could comfort her.
Thanks again. I like to add twists to every chapter Report Review
Hello there. Sorry it has taken so long, but I have had two exams and lots of driving lessons. Anyway, I'm here now.
This was such an interesting twist. I just totally imagine their faces when they woke up and realized what they had done. I'm a bit surprised Hermione didn't panic more, but I guess she was try to calm herself so she could think better about this situation.
Draco is actually reacting just as I imagine he would. It was interesting to see his little conversation with himself at the end, and I loved how he had decided to tell the papers about it simply so he could meet Hermione again. That seemed like something he could do.
I also liked how finished this chapter. I had laughed when Draco had the conversation with himself, and I loved how it just ended with him just convincing himself that he should tell the papers. I really enjoyed this chapter, and I really look forward to the next one :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. I was going to make her panic more, but in another of my stores, her panicking went overboard so I thought I should be a bit more relaxed here. Report Review
This story is so awesome! You see what you've reduced my articulation to with your amazing writing abilities? I do hope you're proud of yourself ;)Author's Response: haha thanks crimsonrose21. glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
That was so great :) I love how snarky Draco is :D Can't wait for the next chapter, please update quickly!Author's Response: Yes, it's so fun to write. Thanks fore reading :) Report Review
I am laughing hysterically here...
do you have anything to say? Yeah... Merry Christmas! lol
The boy doesn't even have to do anything and he still gets in trouble.Glad he's taking it well. In truth, all Draco was was a witness. I am glad he didn't go with his mother. He just might be the first Deatheater to beat the system! might even bring some ease to the others in hiding. Fantastic chapter, got my mind searching the situation.Author's Response: That's an interesting idea about beating the system. You've got me thinking now. Thanks for the review :) Report Review
I loved his last lines of htis chapter . "Really? It would make me feel a whole lot better" I was cracking up. Great storyAuthor's Response: Thanks very much Clairevampiress, it made me laugh too :) Report Review
OMG... I'm really excited to see the next chapter now. This was such a interesting little twist. I never saw that coming !
Anyway, you stay very in-character except for the scene where they are drunk. The logical explanation for this is of course the fact that they are not supposed to be in-character when they are drunk. Well, they could be, but not necessarily.
I do have a question for you... Why did you call Hermione's owl "PIG" ? It was really weird name, but I liked it. I'm just wondering if there is any particular reason why you chose that name.
I also noticed one little "mistake" at the beginning. You had one sentence that said: "I was very mad at Ron yet I had no intention of telling him where I had planned to go this evening and that he was holding me up". This sentence was very long. Maybe you could place a comma somewhere or just shorten it. It was just a bit too long, and if you fixed it I'm sure your story would have an even better flow.
Still, this was your best chapter so far. It left me very surprised and shocked, and I really want to read the next chapter right away.
10/10 :)Author's Response: Yes that is a majorly long sentence, glad you picked up on it.
It's not Hermione's owl, it's Ron's. Pig, as in Pigwidgeon that he got from Sirius that Ginny named in OOTP.
I aim to shock and amaze my readers and yay!! i did.
Job done!! :P
Thanks for the amazing rating Report Review
Hello again :)
Firstly, I love how you keep changing the point of view. It's interesting to see things from to perspectives. It also makes it interesting, because you don't really know what will happen in the next chapter. Hermione might for example look at an incident different than Draco does. That is what makes this so interesting. Like now for example... I can't wait to see what Hermione thinks about this article. Maybe I will see that in the next chapter.
Anyway, I love the letters. I think it was interesting that you wrote the into this chapter. I think the language in them really reflects their speech, and it's just like the way I believe they would write to each other. I'm not really into Dramione, but it would be interesting to see what will happen between them. I could see some small things that might hint towards a love story between them, but I can't tell for sure.
Anyway, great job again. I really look forward to reading the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: OH wow, have I converted you to the dramione side???
I hope so.
Thanks for taking the time to read it anyway. It's hard to branch out, I know from experience. I'm only just getting into next-generation fics. Haven't read many but about to write one :) Report Review
Hey there. My computer went crazy, so it has taken me some time to finally get to this review. Anyway, I'm here now.
I really love this chapter, and especially the scene between Hermione and Draco at the beginning of the chapter. Draco is cautious when Hermione approaches him, and I think that is very realistic. I also love how he keeps his facade, and still act like the hate Hermione. You could tell he was confused as to why she was even approaching him, and it was just so realistic. What I loved most about that scene is actually the fact that so much is written between the lines. It's not written anywhere that Draco acts like I just described, so you do have to read between the lines. I love it when authors do that, but I hardly ever see it in the fanfics on this site. It was great to finally see it, and it makes the story so interesting.
The ending was great as well. I have seen a lot of stories where authors have problems with ending their chapters, but you don't seem to have any problems with that. You just do it perfectly.
Great job :DAuthor's Response: Thanks, I find it really hard to begin chapters but the endings are so easy to place.
Glad you liked it :P Report Review
Where's the next chapter?! :-@Author's Response: it is on my computer ready for updating. this one may be up very soon Report Review
Ok, so I'm confused.
Are all of these chapters when Hermione's gone back in time, or are they just her remembering them? Because, if it is her gone back in time, shouldn't you be mentioning the whole mission-y thing?
But, on a whole, I really like this!Author's Response: as of chapter five (i think) the chapters are the events as they occured ie before Hermione changes anything.
when i have finished showing how things worked out, i will go back to a few chapters of hermione changing those events.
sorry if you were confused but hopefully you arent any more. maybe i should have been clearer :)
glad you liked it anyway though :) Report Review
Hello again. Sorry it has taken me so long to review again, but I've been quite busy with school.
Anyway, I love Hermione's memories. When she thinks about the day that the battle ended, it just so emotional. The talk between Draco and Hermione is also very well-written, and it just seems so realistic and believable. I also love the scene with Ron and Hermione at Ron's birthday. It was so nice to see Ron again, and the whole story just seemed brighter at that birthday. They still had their good friend, and you could see how much they cared about each other.
Harry was also very well-written and in-character. Earlier, you've written Harry at a point where he is sad, thus giving you the chance to write him a little out of character. It was great to see you write him in-character as well. I always find Harry challenging to write, because his personality is rather complicated, but you managed to do it well.
It was great (as always). Keep up the good work :)Author's Response: oh thank you. it's difficult to write Harry that's why I rarely write him in.
thanks for the review Report Review
so, i really really love ur story and the story line is SUPER interesting :D and i can't wait for you to update :)Author's Response: thank you very much. the next chapter should be up soon
Hermione moved on pretty quick. I never figured her for a coward. Im just sad that she took her happiness and chucked it over the fence. sounds so unfair.
The chapter was perfect, it riled me up :)
Ta Ta !!Author's Response: yes, I aimed to rile :P
Love writing Hermione in this fic.
thanks for the review and the amazing rating Report Review
Ohh... that was so sad. It made me see things very differently. guess it wasn't that easy from Draco either. He was, after all, under a lot of pressure. I'm sure he had a hard time, and you could really see in the books that he wasn't as bad as the other death eaters. He was different, and you captured that in this chapter.
You characterization of Draco is fantastic. I was left speechless. It was so well-written. How are you able to do that? It was just so good.
I really love how you write in Draco's point of view. You get to see his side of the story, and you learn how terrible the war was for him. You also see how he tries to become a better person, yet his pride and habits just won't allow him to change. It's sad, but also touching. I really enjoyed seeing the story this way. I guess I've never really thought about that before, about how hard it must've been for Draco as well. Again you show your ability to describe well, and characterize well. Great job :D
10/10 (your areas of concern will come in the last review)Author's Response: oh thanks. it gets harder as the story goes because draco/hermione is such an unimaginable and difficult pairing and i try to make it believable.
yes the first person narrative is to show the personal thoughts and feeling without being too descriptive.
i really appreciate the rating. thanks and keep reading! :D Report Review
Hello again :D
I really enjoyed how you wrote this. I'm not a huge fan of first-person, because I think it's an easy way out of too much description (though I have a story with first-person myself), but you managed to make me like it.
I really love the connection between Harry and Hermione. They just seem so much like a sister & a brother. I also love how he comforts and help her. We are used to seeing Hermione help Harry most of the time, so it was good to see it the other way. Even with this change, it was very believable.
I also think your characterization is great. Hermione, Harry and Bill are very in-character. They are realistic and very believable. Great job :D
I have to admit that I didn't like the fact that you killed Ron. It's just not the same without him. It feels so empty. I guess it's supposed to as well. One could really tell that they missed him very much, and especially since they try so hard to find the real murderer. It just was touching to see that.
Good job :DAuthor's Response: Yes, I tried to focus on how empty it is without him. My reasons for using the first person is because my characters know things the other on doesnt. This becomes much more important in future chapters.
Harry and Hermione get so much closer after Ron's death. I killed him off because I feel as though I ruin his character. He is too funny to emulate and copy. JKR is the master. I am working on a Ron/Hermione fic at the moment but I'm finding it difficult.
I loved that you found it touching. Future chapters will be once Ron's death is discovered (when I retell the story). Be warned! And thanks for the review! Report Review
Hi there. I'm here with your requested review.
Wow. This was really a interesting start. It was so exciting, and I just wanted to read more right away. I love how you write it as an article. That was creative and very original. I haven't seen any story with that before. Great job :D
It's really hard to say that much about the first chapter, because they are usually just created to make you want to read more. This you succeeded with. I definitely want to read more.
I always enjoy the first chapter of a story, because it tells me a lot about the author. I can definitely see that you are a great author that have a great language, few mistakes and the ability to make you want more. This is a very important ability, so you should be proud of it.
10/10 and you'll see me at the next review :DAuthor's Response: okay thank you very much. i thought the article would be best to begin with even though it is short :P
as usual, there's always tiny mistakes but thanks for the review : Report Review
Really interesting story. I can't wait to read about Hermione's time in the past, and see if she can prove that Draco is innocent. I am really looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: why thank you very much. The next chapter should be updated soon Report Review
it is possible to get a false positive. you did greatAuthor's Response: okay thanks for the info :) and for the review Report Review
loved it! update quickly :)Author's Response: thank you very much Report Review
Wow, I always thought that Malfoy (Draco) was a real tool, but now I kinda understand the situation he was forced into. And seeing he has made a lot of progress in such a small amount of time (hours)... speechless. Again, an excelent delivery of a character's P.O.V. and thoughts.Author's Response: thanks. lovely review and im glad you enjoyed it Report Review
Well, it's really good-written. personally I loved the idea of the advanced time turner. Great Draco-Hermione implyings, and so realistic on the p.o.v. of Herminone. Full of suspence, I'm really on the edge of my seat while reading.Author's Response: thank you very much. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection