Reading Reviews for Nature's Bounty
  
50 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BellaFan202 Just One Of Those Days....Or Not

7th September 2010:
This is really good. I agree with all the other reviews in this story, on a few different things. On the first review, they said the A/N got them interested. It did the same for me. The second, they put that you should spell out the numbers. I agree. The third review talked about grammar. I was thinkin' the same thing. A beta is someone who fixes all of those errors. For more info, you get ask me more on my Meet The Author page, found on my profile on this site. I can also be your beta.

9/10

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the story! :D and I've been doing alot of editing so I'll keep in mind to write out the numbers as I go back through. I've definitely been considering a beta because it seems that after I've edited a chapter, when I go back to look at it, I only find more frustrating mistakes. Yet I'm a little uneasy about it all because I'm unsure how little tweaks, done by a person who doesn't know the direction I'm heading in, might affect the plot. I'm still weighing the pros and cons, just haven't convinced myself yet... I'm sure i'll give in eventually lol! Anyways! Thanks for reading and especially giving me advice on how I can improve :) Keep it up!

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Review #27, by Lil_Miss_James_Black Clever boys

31st August 2010:
HAHA Jason has a one track mind.

Lil_Miss_James_Black

Author's Response: Lol! Yes, yes he does! This review definitely made my day and made me laugh! Hopefully I can return the favor! :P

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Review #28, by Lil_Miss_James_Black Insulting Purebloods is always fun...though not always recommended

31st August 2010:
Good Good as always, but make sure that Dumbledore always has a capital D.

Lil_Miss_James_Black

Author's Response: Gahh I'll get right on that! Thanks for letting me know. It put a smile on my face to know you got passed my mistake and still liked it! Thanks!

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Review #29, by Lil_Miss_James_Black Marauders, House elves and New Years

31st August 2010:
I don't think you should be 'super annoyed with this chapter', it was good, especially the development of Ryu's friends.

Keep writing... and possibly reveal what magical creature Ryu is while you're at it. :)

Lil_Miss_James_Black

Author's Response: I still am annoyed with that chapter :/.throws me off every time I go back and read it, but its very encouraging that someone was able to enjoy it! Still can't reveal what she is just yet Sry! you'll have to keep reading and reviewing to find out! :D

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Review #30, by Lil_Miss_James_Black Breakfast Beatdown

31st August 2010:
HAHA.

Gosh, I'm in love with Ryu already! I love the chapter name 'Breakfast Beatdown' and the way the Ryu isn't portrayed as a weak damsel-in-distress like all the others.(even though she probably has to learn self control and all that... blah blah blah has to 'master her powers')

WHAT IS SHE?

Now that, is the question.

Lil_Miss_James_Black

Author's Response: I was really pleased with the name of the chapter too lol! But Idk...What is she? :P

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Review #31, by Margedjones Rip Your Shirt Off

26th August 2010:
Loved it. Love your story, Love Ryu, i just love everything about it!! I couldn't stop laughing!


Update sooon :)

xx

Author's Response: Yay! Glad I kept you laughing, Glad you loved Ryu...Just overall really pleased that you enjoyed my story! :P Thanks!

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Review #32, by Mia Rip Your Shirt Off

24th August 2010:
Please write more soon- love your story and want to know what Ryu is!

Author's Response: Definitely will be writing more even though school has started and I have less time to write. I appreciate the review and praise is always encouraging and welcome! Thanks so much!

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Review #33, by Subterfuge Owls, Gringotts, and Otto

16th August 2010:
Oh - loved, loved, loved the length of this chapter! I don't want you to feel as though you are the only one enjoying this story so I thought I would leave you a rather pointless review to say that, yes, I am very much enjoying this story. Keep it coming!

Author's Response: No review is pointless! They always manage to brighten my day so thanks! I'm glad you left a review for me


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Review #34, by r Owls, Gringotts, and Otto

16th August 2010:
Wow was this chapter long!!! I loved it!!! No, you aren't the only one enjoying this story: I enjoy it! I loved the owls!! Update soon!!! I didn't know there was a maximum limit! Oh, and since I don't have an account (my e-mail won't receive e-mails from hpff), my address is rachel(dot)ragan at gmail(dot)com

Author's Response: I made it long just for you! thanks for reviewing so much it really makes me smile on gloomy days and keeps me continuing to write!

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Review #35, by r Selfish

10th July 2010:
Could you update this? I know long chapters take a long time to write, but I really want to know what happens. I understand you may be busy, but please, pretty please, update this? BTW, I love the story. And I liked your old banner better. LOL

Author's Response: I know I have been lax in updating but I promise it will be up before the staff break on the 26th. I'm taking summer courses to get them out of the away but they are taking up alot of my time. In the meantime I put up the old banner just for you! lol! and I'll work hard on getting the next chapter out. Sorry to keep you waiting!

~Melanie


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Review #36, by RaRa Selfish

19th June 2010:
I really love your story and can't think of anything to say to improve on! Except, get her to Gringotts (s/p?) as soon as possible! I want to know what happens! Oh, and some more house elf/ magical creature/magical plant stuff would be nice. I really like that stuff.

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Review #37, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Waking Up Scared

3rd June 2010:
Well, this was a huge improvement from the first chapter! The writing was great, there were far less grammar mistakes, and the plot is on it's way. The extra nerves on Ryu are fascinating, and this is going in an extremely interesting direction. Nice work!

To answer your question from my last review, a beta is a person you find through the hpff forums who reads through your chapters before your post them and corrects grammar mistakes. They can also advise you on your plot, characters, or anything else that might need some help/suggestions. There's a betas offered/wanted section in the help needed section; you can go read the rules and check it out.

Like I said, things really picked up in this chapter. Chapter 1's grammar errors really put me off it, and that combined with it being the first chapter and all (they tend to be introductory and can be slow) didn't make the story really appealing, to be honest. But now it's gotten a lot better, and it was interesting to switch POVs.

One thing I think is unrealistic is the fact that Dumbledore had never heard of anyone fainting or vomiting after Apparation. Sure, splicing is common, but it's so disorienting I would assume anyone with a weak stomach might find vomit after Apparating for the first time. And someone really disoriented could certainly faint. So you may want to change Dumbledore's wording; he is the greatest wizard of the age, and he would have seen everything.

The only other thing I want to warn you about it housing Ryu in the girl's dormitory. I can tell it will move the plot forward and introduce more characters already, but don't let it become a Heads dormitory in Dramiones type of thing, where it's totally unrealistic. I'd imagine Ryu staying in the hospital wing, or perhaps just in a spare room that could have a bed in it. Or maybe even the room of requirement.

This was a much better chapter, and I'm really pleased with it. Great job!

~lllb

Author's Response: Thanks once again for heping me out!

I edited the first two chapters keeping everything you had to say in mind while still trying to stick to the plot.

I'm pleased to say that I think the story has benefitted from it! I did had to leave somethings due to the way the plot develops, but I tried to tweak them in a manner that I hope is more realistic.

Thanks for keeping me in check and taking your time out to do this for me!

~Melanie


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Review #38, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Just One Of Those Days....Or Not

20th May 2010:
You have a good plot going, but I'm afraid to say what struck me throughout was the poor grammar. You consistently forgot to capitalize things, capitalized things that should've been left lower-case, and wrote 'your' instead of 'you're'. I strongly suggest you go to the forums and find a beta, who will be able to go through the chapter and correct all the grammar mistakes. They distracted me the entire chapter despite the fact that otherwise you have the beginning of a good plot going here.

Clearly something exciting is going to happen, and so far Ryu is interesting. I can't wait to get out of the strip club and get to know her better; because she did lack some personality and opinion here, but if it picks up in chapter two you should be ok.

I enjoyed the characterizations of James, Sirius and Amos; they were funny and a little over-the-top (you could tone them down a bit), and I'm sure there are wizarding strip clubs, but other than that they were extremely enjoyable. The one thing I think you could've done is have Ryu make the connection that grey-eyes was named Sirius, and referred to him as such, as well as James and Amos, before they introduced themselves. I did get a little tired and confused by the grey eyes, glasses, and brown eyes.

Like I said, next chapter once the plot gets going it should be great. A good idea is brewing somewhere in here, and I'm interested to see how you get into it. But I definitely suggest a beta. :)

~lllb

Author's Response: To be honest, when I go to write the last thing that is on my mind is capitalization and grammar. Its really kind of hypocritical of me to say that considering that when I read other stories I am a stickler for grammar. I think its probably because I'm in such a rush to get my ideas out, even thought that's not really a good excuse. I'll definitely keep this in mind when I go back and edit. A beta?.I honestly have no idea what that is...

As for the the confusion in referring to the boys, I did originally include their names but the way it flowed kind of irked me so I changed it. I will have to go back and find a way to make it work so that it makes me happy, and isn't confusing to everyone else. The over the top way that I portrayed the boys was only because that's the way I picture them. I just picture them being particularly ignorant of muggle ways...especially Sirius considering his background.

I do agree with you that Ryu's personality doesn't exactly come across, but I assure you it does come across in future chapters. I think I had trouble with her personality in this setting. She was at work and I had to keep that in mind. She really just couldn't say what she wanted. Again that really isn't an excuse. I still need to find a way to introduce the character properly.

Either way I appreciate you taking your time out to review and help me out. I will definitely take all your suggestions into consideration as I continue to write! THANKS!


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Review #39, by harrylilyjames Just One Of Those Days....Or Not

19th May 2010:
Hey!!
Here with the review you requested!!

Firs off, the authors note at the very start puts a downer on the whole story before the reader has even started onto the first chapter, I wouldn't mind if it was at the end, because then we, the readers, would be able to make our own minds up on whether we like it or not...just a little heads up.

I really really like her name, it's cool and different. Just thought I'd tell you. :)

I think it's a bit unreal that she would look over 18 at the age of 14, okay I wouldn't mind if she was 16 that would be reasonable, but I think it's too much of an age gap.

When you write her ages, write the numbers out like 'eighteen' and not '18'.

Hmmm, when Michael is shouting at her and he says “'when are you going to start dancing...''- it sounds as if it just put in there for the reader and not like a real person would say during a fight.

A few times you miss a word or you put in a capital where there should be one, like 'sense of Dread.”- no capital here, and “just little,” missing an 'a' in the middle.

I think when the three Marauders come into the place, it would be more real to have her think that they were already drunk and about to get them kick out.

Also, it's slightly cliche'd that they are all 'handsome' or 'fit' to her, they were really three normal boys and didn't have any muscles but James could be toned from his Quidditch.

At the part with James and Sirius, it gets a bit confusing, just the way you phrase the sentences, the story loses it's flow. Just try and take out some of the 'grey eyes' when talking about Sirius, and call him soemthing else, and when they say Sirius' name for the first time, you could say “'said the one Ryu guessed was Sirius'

OMG!! The image I got of Sirius getting caught driving a car just totally made me chuckle, that would of been hilarious. lol

Also, when she says “'you could always smile. It's breathtaking' – nobody in their right mind would sat such a thing to a complete stranger, yea probably when everyone is a bit tipsy or if they're messing around, but not when they're just talking.

Also, you might want to ease up on the hitting each other on the head, it kind of gets repetitive.

Then at the part just after they've started fighting, I don't think she would tell them all of that about her dancing. Just “'I'm starting tonight' would be nicer.

It just seems a bit odd that one minute the three boys are just goofing off and then the next everything becomes really serious.

There wasn't much of a point of them being in the bar in the first place. You could have Dumbledore or one of the Order Members meet her after her shift has ended, probably sit in a corner all night unnoticed and then corner her down a dark alleyway. -shrugs- just an idea.

I think you could have a chapter before this where nothing strange happens to her, just so the reader gets to know her a bit more, but that's up to you..

It's an interesting story, and I hope you keep writing it.

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Review #40, by crestwood Clever boys

13th May 2010:
Hey you did a great party scene. Don't we all love them. The drunkenness makes up for complete chaos, which is how I would describe that party. Anyway great chapter!

Author's Response: Wow! You really went to town, thanks so much! I've been super paranoid about how the luscius chapter was written so hearing you enjoyed it was very reassuring! I'll definately go back and take a look at the chapter you said had flow problems...And please let me know what you think about these next two chapters the 9th one in particular was super hard to write!! the 8th chapter has been waiting to be validated for awhile but has been rejected for language a couple times (oops!). Anyways thanks so much your critiques will come in very handy with the editing process!

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Review #41, by crestwood Insulting Purebloods is always fun...though not always recommended

13th May 2010:
So I guess Ryu is like totally powerful. She is crazy I tell you. I wonder what Merlin and Morgain has to do with her. Ooooh is she some guy from Camelot's great great great×100 granddaughter! Mabye even Merlin himself! I can't wait to find out!

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Review #42, by crestwood Marauders, House elves and New Years

13th May 2010:
I thought this chapter was pretty good! I enjoyed it, but I can see what you mean about the flow. Sometimes I just had to go back and reread a sentence. You should probably just go back through and read it to your self. Other than flow this was a good chapter.

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Review #43, by crestwood Breakfast Beatdown

13th May 2010:
Ha! That was exactly what I was waiting for! Great way to pay Lucius back. That was epic great chapter. 10/10

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Review #44, by crestwood An Eventful Breakfast

13th May 2010:
Wow! She really has a temper! She's a really great character all in all. I just have to see what she does to Malfoy! This should be good! This story is believable and your characterisations are great. You're a really good writer!

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Review #45, by crestwood Waking Up Scared

13th May 2010:
So Ryu's is some sort of magical being that the Death Eaters are after. Wow! I've never seen anything like this! Very original. I like it!

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Review #46, by crestwood Just One Of Those Days....Or Not

13th May 2010:
I found this story to be very well written. Ryu is definitely a complex character. I think your first A/N got me even more interested in what her job is. This is a good start. You've got me hooked. Good Job! Keep it up! 10/10

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Review #47, by MasterLuna Clever boys

10th May 2010:
Wow! What a fantastic story! And it's usually hard for me to get into a fanfic too because of my weird taste. lol I think my love for it became apparent when I learned of Ryu's marvelous wit and sharp-tongue. That got me hooked straight off. I hope you update soon because this is a brilliant story so far!

Author's Response: I have a hard time getting into stories too. I am glad to here that this can still appeal to those with selective tastes. I honestly thought it would be too much for some people so I don't really expect much, however your praise means the world to me and keeps me wanting to continue! SO THANKS!

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Review #48, by RaRa Clever boys

7th May 2010:
I lover your story!! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: your encouragement is welcomed, thanks so much

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Review #49, by marauders lover Clever boys

5th May 2010:
i love this bloody story! it has such a twist its really creative! i love it! please update soon! 10/10

~marauders lover

Author's Response: Thanks so much! glad you love it! Next chapter is waiting to be validated so it should be up soon!

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Review #50, by Snowflakes Insulting Purebloods is always fun...though not always recommended

24th April 2010:
=] Awesome story! Ryu has a special power? If she needs to know about Morgane and Merlin she had a perfect chance to ask Remus or Lily! Dumbledore's personality is right on~! Keep up the wonderful work and update ASAP!

Author's Response: Thanks for the encouragment, it's much appreciated.

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