Reading Reviews for Heritage
  
53 Reviews Found

Review #26, by daretodream An Unfinished Goodbye

28th July 2012:
Oh, I feel so badly for Phoebe! It must be so immensely difficult leaving behind everything that you know and love to join a new world where you know nothing. I can't even imagine what she is going through.

I'm so intrigued that Professor McGonagall knows about Phoebe's parents but has been instructed not to tell her. I can't help but wonder why? Is she the hiddden away child of two Order Members? Death Eaters? I don't know, but I'm interested in finding out!

Poor Heather also seems to be struggling with this transition, no? I can understand how it would be hard to raise someone else's child who is so special and so different from your own.

Nice work!

~Cassie

Author's Response: Another review Cassie! I always feel sorry for Phoebe when I look over this chapter for notes and such. McGonagall knows what Dumbledore knows and how he knows, well its a mystery ;)
Shes hiding it to protect Phoebe I think but she has other reasons - which by now you know. Heather, I dont like her at all. To me she doesnt seem to grasp the concept of love and thinks her life is so hard but you know theres always someone worse off than yourself.
Thank you so much again!
Bex :)


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Review #27, by daretodream An Unforgettable Birthday

28th July 2012:
Hi! I've been meaning to drop by here for weeks, ever since you first reviewed Vengeance for me. Your status on the forums just reminded me though!

This is such an interesting idea for a story! Poor Phoebe doesn't know who she is, and you gave the readers so many questions within the first chapter, which will keep them coming back! I want to know more about Phoebe.

I'm interested to see how she takes the news that she is a witch! It must be quite the shock for her. And how will her adoptive parents take the wizarding world? It has so much potential for drama!

I loved the family dynamics that you created within this chapter! You could really tell that the Smiths are a family, especially when they made Thomas sing! Such a hilarious thing to do!

Good work!

~Cassie

Author's Response: First of Cassie, I love you for all the reviews youve given, I just scrolled up and I screamed. So thank you! Phoebe is a strange one and she will bring a lot of questions that will hopefully be answered. I really wanted this to be a dramatic discovery so I hoe that I pull it off for you!
Thanks again for the lovely review,
Bex


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Review #28, by TheHeirOfSlytherin An Unforgettable Birthday

3rd July 2012:
I loved the dad's outburst at the end, had me laughing because it would be such a man's thing to do. :D

I'm also liking Phoebe, she seems like a very interesting character already and I'm intrigued. I wanna know more about her and her mum and why she was left. I have so many questions. :P

Great start, Bex.

Sam. :)

Author's Response: Hey Sam, thanks for the review! Phoebe is my favourite OC to write because she has so many questions that need answering for her to become her own person and let her know her real identity. So to me thats what makes her interesting :)! If you read on, hopefully most of your questions will be answered and if not just feel free to ask!

Bex :)



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Review #29, by CloakAuror9 An Unforgettable Birthday

19th May 2012:
Hey there!

I thought the story was really great, you have such a fantastic plot coming along and I can't wait to see what you'll make of it.

I like your OC, but I can't say much since there wasn't much information given. Though I can understand why, you can't actually reveal everything about a character in one go especially at the start of the story.

In any case, I thought you have a really great start for a story and I really like your OC, so I'll be back for more :D

Ta,
CloakAuror9 xx
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Hey Izzy! Thank you for this review it was so nice of you to offer! My plot is definitely something different for me, Im used to darker stuff or more romantic fics, however mystery is very new to me. I am beginning to let the plot take shape properly now with more twists and turns especially as chapter 5 is the most important chapter at the moment. Phoebe is the first OC Ive really got to know properly, like I can think about what happened when she was little, her relationship with her family and her actual parents. Ive gone so far its even made me consider a sequel but I think thats just a thought at the moment.

I hope youll come back to read, it is great to know I have readers for a story I really enjoy writing.

Thanks again,
Bex :)


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Review #30, by Akussa Yearning for Answers

28th April 2012:
Hello again!

Another great chapter. I like the pace at which this story develops and I have to say that this discussion with Dumbledore was pretty enigmatic. I like his explanation a lot and I'm pretty curious now as to who her mother is!

I really like the characters so far; everyone of them is entertaining and they fit well together. Tonks is especially energetic; very canon to her older self!!

Great job once again! I'm really happy I stumbled back on this story (alright, not stumbled, thanks to the Lion's Den!!).

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reviewing twice it really means a lot! I love writing Dumbledore, he is funny and smart but he cares a lot. His heart rules his head which makes his heart like the smartest fictional one I know. Im saving her mothers identity for later chapters because it might make people stick around and enjoy the tension that builds a little. The characters are adorable arent they, I try to bring out bits of people I know into them to make them seem more real but then sticking to JKs portrayal as well. Tonks, her clumsiness and energy is based a little on me at that age, you know thinking you can take on the world but with a smile on your face? That was me aged 11. Even if you did stumble back Im so glad!!
Thanks again for reviewing!!

Bex


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Review #31, by Akussa Welcome Home

28th April 2012:
Hi! Oh I remember I read the first two chapters of this story a long while ago and forgot about it. As soon as I started the first chapter again though, it all came back and I remember how much I enjoyed this.

This chapter did not disapoint and I absolutly loved the meeting with Tonks and Charlie (Bill as well but Tonks was the best). You really did a great job capturing the characters and representing them as children.

Phoebe is a good character. There isn't much too mysterious about her so far, aside from her heritage, and I like it like that. You aren't putting to much emphasis on that (for example the Sorting hat didn't reference it) and so it doesn't become clichť; good job.

I didn't spot any spelling errors so great work there. I really liked the flow of this chapter; you managed to make the usual train ride interesting and original although I found it a bit strange that Bill would spend the entire ride with his little brother (I would have expected him to join his friends at some point). Great job!

Author's Response: It is really great to know that despite it being nearly a year since you read & reviewed this story you remember how much you enjoyed this! Haha Im so glad you liked meeting the way we met Tonks because although it was the hardest part to write it was the best part! I like Phoebe she seems, normal I think. Not too grown up to fully accept the wizarding world but not immature. She doesnt think shes anything special but no one has really seen that potential in her that we might see later on. I think that we need to meet Phoebe first and her thoughts, not everyone elses. You can thank my amazing beta for the lack of spelling errors, she is pretty good! I think I read back and agree that if I was Bill I would have left him but I want to think that Bill really wants to look after his brother like his mum says and making friends isnt something you want to mess up.

Thanks again!
Bex :)


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Review #32, by potterfan310 Gideon.

14th April 2012:
this is really good and i like the story line :)
i hope that this is updated soon and i like how you've got tonk,bill and charlie in it
-potterfan310

Author's Response: Why thanks, I'm so glad you like the story line! I already have chapter six planned out and I think it is ready to be written. So thanks again for the review,

Bex


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Review #33, by Owlpost68 Gideon.

13th April 2012:
wow, so Gideon's her father... I wonder who the mother is... Really great job!! I think that last sentence could be worded differently 'cause it doesn't really make sense. maybe mourning for the parent she didn't lose but would never find?

Poor Pheobe, the only family she's known not wanting her back...
Anyway, great job!

Author's Response: The last sentence.it will make sense nearer the end as to why I worded it, if I forget about it I will end up changing it, though I hope I don't. Gideon had to be the father, I wanted someone people wouldn't expect then maybe it would add a bit more drama to it. I do feel sorry for Phoebe a lot more as she's got a lot to deal with at such a young age, a bit like Dumbledore.

Thank you for all these reviews and I will try to update asap!

Bex


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Review #34, by Owlpost68 Yearning for Answers

13th April 2012:
This is really sweet to have the start of this story be while they're young. The only thing Ihave to say is that she'd only really have known she was a witch for a month since her birthday's august 1st. I can't wait to see flying lessons though :D lol poor charlie and a butter stain, that's Tonks for you! You really have her character pinned :D great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out, I know what I meant at the time it is something I've been meaning to correct for some time now. Flying lessons, something I'm going to let the readers (erm) read about in the near future. Haha again Tonks I am having a lot more fun writing about her half of the time I just picture myself 11, clumsy and a bit too loud ha. Thank you for the review,

Bex


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Review #35, by Owlpost68 Welcome Home

13th April 2012:
Little Tonks is so cute!! lol So is everybody else :D I really like this chapter, I wonder what is in the 3rd floor corridor... hmm.

Author's Response: Isn't she? Tonks again, isn't the sort of personality I'd delve into but she's a lot of fun writing, and a handful! I know she's JK's character but as we never really saw her when she was younger I've based her on the knowledge I have from the books and a bit on me with the clumsiness and sometimes outspoken. Thanks again for the lovely review!

Bex


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Review #36, by Owlpost68 An Unfinished Goodbye

13th April 2012:
Aw, it's so strange how you've managed to have the family love each other, and be so confused with each other at the same time, but you have it make sense with Heather's family and things. I think this is very creative, I've never read a story quite like this before. Great job!

Author's Response: I think its a bit like unconditional love, it can't be helped really and the family will try to stay strong no matter what. Creative! Thank you, it is very different to what I usually write so I didn't think I'd get a compliment quite like this. The review means a lot so thank you so much for that.

Bex


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Review #37, by ScorpiusRose17 An Unforgettable Birthday

13th April 2012:
This was a very interesting first chapter. I really liked how you made Professor McGonagall follow her around and how you incoorporated her wand traveling with her while she was a cat.

I thought that the first part was really sad. I know that is kind of the point, but it was well done and not drawn out.

I am curious to find out more about Pheobe. I love OC characters. They always seem to bring a whole other element to the table in terms of what has already been written.

One thing I would point out and this is just because I am me is that McGonagall was not capitalized a couple of times. (Sorry I know it's a bit nit picky)

-SR17

Author's Response: Sorry about the typos, I hope thye didn't disrupt the fluidity too much :)
Anyway in a way I am glad you found it really sad, it is how I wanted it to be but I didn't want to let it play out for too long though just because it would ruin the mystery that I hope reached my readers as well. Hopefully if you've read on Phoebe's personality will be shown more and she'll be a likeable character, I think she's really sweet though nothing like me at all, I think. Thank you so much for reviewing it means a lot.

Bex


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Review #38, by ginerva_molly_weasley An Unfinished Goodbye

13th April 2012:
Hey Bex... not as long of a review this time :P

I like this chapter as it introduces Pheobe to the wizarding world by taking her to Diagon Alley and showing her Gringotts and Ollivanders and even her buying a pet which I think was really cute! Especially the fact that she brought a cat after McGonagall told her that her animangus and a patronus was a cat which was really sweet!

Heather seems to be a very loveable character who cares for Phoebe very much and I really like the way you've characterised her particularly the bit where she doesn't end up taking Phoebe to the platform because she is obviously very upset at her leaving.

I like this chapter a lot 10/10 Bex!

Author's Response: thanks Summer! This chapter was lovely when I was writing it because McGonagall is the first witch or magical person she's ever met and as an 11 year old I think Phoebe considers McGonagall to be a role model. Phoebe was trying to impress her I think and she really wants to show McGonagall that she will fit in despite her disadvantage of being brought up by muggles. Heather, I personally don't like her. I think she should've put Phoebe's feelings before her own and that's why her character's had a slight change of plan for future chapters and the possible sequel. Thanks so much for the 10/10 O_O

Bex


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Review #39, by ginerva_molly_weasley Gideon.

3rd April 2012:
BEX

Hey, Here I am with your review and as you hate my long and rambly reviews I shall try to be more succinct within this one!

I really like Phoebe in this. I think she's a rather good OC and I think that you've really made her fit in well with the sort of pre-Hogwarts ish era. I loike the way she's good friends with Tonks and Charlie as this gives a strong sort of trio friendship which will be interesting to see as it develops.

In this chapter I think you focus rather a lot on her family and how her family really do not seem to want her in a way. To me it's slightly strange as I do not understand why her mother doesn't want to know her even though her sisters were witches but I guess there will be reasons for that!

I think in this you show the solid friendship between Phoebe and Tonks with Tonks trying to comfort Phoebe after the rejection of her mother.

I loved the way you threw in that little bit of information within that conversation between Dumbledore and McGonagall about Phoebe's father! This gives a good flow onto the next chapter!

Well done on this!

Author's Response: Summer! I don't mind the long reviews, I just know I won't be able to match it, ever! Though I haven't written many OC's, out of all of them Phoebe is by far my favourite because she wants to be normal. Tonks and Charlie just tied in very well with the timeline and I think with Tonks being a large bubbly character she could support Phoebe and Charlie will try to act like the 'man' and look after them both. With her family not wanting her it is more Heather than anyone else. She felt left out when some of her siblings had magic and she didn't. She then felt like Phoebe would leave her and that jealousy bubbled over. John and Thomas just have to adjust to this as they've never known about magic being real. Finally, I'd had that dialogue between McGonagall and Dumbledore written for months and I've been itching to get it on the computer and thanks to a few people helping me edit it, I think it's not too bad and has really helped me prepare for chapter 6.

Thanks again Summer, this review really means a lot to me!

Bex


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Review #40, by Elenia An Unforgettable Birthday

2nd April 2012:
(Swap!)

So, this was a very interesting start for your story. I liked it how you've created a mystery around your OC, I want to read more and find out more about her and why her mother had to leave her and why she has suddenly stopped sending her presents. I think you've done a very good job on that!

Her tale seems to be fascinating. It reminded me of Harry's but not too much. There were differences.

Your writing is very good! I didn't spot any spelling errors or anything that would've interrupted the flow for me! Pacing was maybe a bit fast, I think could easily make this a bit longer by developing the scenes a bit more. But other than that, I think the descriptions worked very well and I really liked Phoebe's 'voice' in this.

Anyways, good start! I'm interested in seeing where you're going to take this story!

Keep up the good work!

~Elenia

Author's Response: Thanks for the swap, I'll be getting to your review soon I promise!! As for the lovely review you've left me thank you so much!! I've only written five chapters but I've become attatched to Phoebe and I love creating this mystery around her and if you've read on you'll see what I mean. Ah grammar, well if it wasnt for my amazing beta my story would be all over the place!

Thanks for reviewing and I hope you want to read on,
Bex


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Review #41, by Santa-mona An Unforgettable Birthday

10th January 2012:
It's silly how you capitalized Professor and written 'mcgonagall' like this the whole way. :)

Anyways, right now I wonder who could Phoebe be and how will she be connected to the other characters in the future chapters. This chapter remembers me of Harry and the way he found out about being a wizard just, you know, the fact that Heather and John are so much better than the Dursley and Thomas seems so much more intelligent than Dudley :)). Good closing statement. Again, this really makes me think about who Phoebe Blackett is and, of course, who her mother was (Or still is? What happened with her?).

This was well written.

Author's Response: Tehe, well at least my stupid mistakes added a bit of humour to it :D I wanted to show that just because they're not your parents they won't turn out to be like the Dursley's and I'm so happy I achieved that. I'm really glad I've left you with all these questions because usually I'm a suspense killer and I give too much information away. Although if you want to find out the answers to these questions.you'll have to keep reading.
Bex


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Review #42, by Roots in Water Yearning for Answers

12th November 2011:
I think that you have a really good idea here and I think it's great that you're using an era that's not often explored. Charlie and Bill... You could have a lot of fun with their Hogwarts years.

And you also have an interesting concept here. A wizarding child abandonned at birth? Why? I think that you're doing a good job of revealing the truth slowly and keeping reader interest alive.

As well- Tonks! I think that you're characterizing her very nicely- pink bubblegum hair and prank-loving- just like her adult self. Phoebe is an interesting character herself and I like the way you have her questioning the "wizarding lingo" that the other characters throw around so casually because of course she wouldn't have a clue what they are saying. :)

At a few points I was a little confused when you switched points of view for only a sentence or two then switched back to Phoebe's POV. Though it helped to reveal the contradicitons in what McGongall says and what she thinks I do think that it would be easier for the reader to follow along if you found a way to incorporate her thoughts in a different way... Perhaps a small portion entirely from McGonagall's POV at the of the chapter explaining her thoughts.

And chapter 3 wasn't at all boring- it helped to set up the story. And I think that it's very interesting that you put Phoebe in Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor or Slytherin. Go Hufflepuff!

I think that you're doing a great job with this story- keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I'm sorry it's taken me until now to respond to your lovely review. When I write I really want to go for something different despite the fact that it probably won't get many reads or reviews. I like writing something different because sometimes I know that myself and others can't help but wonder if something in the HP world had happened what would it be like. Then I go and write about it, just to see where my muse will take me. With Phoebe being hufflepuff, I really wanted it to work out like that because I never imagined her being anywhere else, she's a loyal character and feels like she has been denied the right to equality as she knows nothing about the life she's living right now. McGonagall's POV was to throw in a few more ideas but I should have let the readers know about it, sorry about that.

Bex


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Review #43, by Cleopatraa An Unforgettable Birthday

23rd October 2011:
I really thought it was a great chapter to begin with . This seems so far like an really original idea. So kudos on that as most fics nowadays donít seems original. Your characterization seemed to me very realistic. But I have to say this reminded me a bit too much of Harry Potter (himself) so I would be very careful with that. You did a really great job creating the mystery around her and Iím curious which way you are going with her and the plot. A very interesting idea
Cleopatraa

-Trick or Treat from Slytherin House

Author's Response: Trust me as time goes on the difference is made and she's nothing like Harry, she's much too shy for that. This sort of mystery is a little new to me so I've tried with it and I hope nothing gets too rushed. Thank you for the review and I hope you enjoy reading the one I have you :)
Bex


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Review #44, by Erised Welcome Home

8th August 2011:
Hi! It's Erised with your review. I also read the previous two chapters to have a feel of the story, and I was impressed!

I feel as if you brought a great element of mystery to the story on the whole. The circumstances of the previous two chapters were carried on in this one, and it's good that you stuck to her not knowing anything about magic. I was also impressed with how Phoebe reacts to being told she was a witch and how she deals with Tonks, Bill casting a spell etc. People often write muggleborns as being far too accepting of magic, but you've written it brilliantly.

I think what detracted from the chapter slightly was the lack of commas in some places. Some of the sentences were quite long and made speech sound unnatural. If you ever find that happening, imagine the conversation being said aloud - I often find it helps break it up a little bit. :) I'd also like to see a little more character development for Phoebe, but you've made a brilliant start with her.

What was also great is that you're avoiding cliches such as the main OC being in Gryffindor, instead making her a Hufflepuff. I also liked the chemistry between her and her adoptive mother - I can't imagine every person being happy with a baby being left on their doorstep so to speak, so it was great to see that, it added an extra dimension.

Overall this is a promising start! Well done!

Author's Response: Completely forgot about responding to this review, I am so sorry! I don't really want Phoebe to fit in with the usual muggleborn who is so happy that magic found her, as of yet. I'd rather she had a mixed opinion on it and those who had the ability to use magic like herself. Yeah because I see her as a shy reserved character, I feel like I shouldn't develop her too much because that's out of character. Then I remember about the it being a third person narrative and its like- whoops! Hufflepuff is an underrated house that deserves some love! I think that its a great house which shows equality and loyalty which helps Phoebe out a lot seeing as she is a bit.different.
On the relationship of Phoebe and Heather, there's tension and if you got the hint of jealousy that Heather had for her adoptive daughter in the last chapter- there's that too.

Bex


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Review #45, by Akussa An Unfinished Goodbye

23rd May 2011:
Hi again!

Well this was another good chapter. The first half of the chapter was a bit like the last one; very similar to the story of Harry in a way that takes away all the originality of this story you are trying to tell. You need to make it more personal to you, give the girl her own story.

The second half was better. I liked the relationship of Phoebe with her adoptive family, it is very believable and touching. I liked the emotion of this part too.

I noticed a couple little errors throughout the chapter and wish to let you know.

'diagon alley'; must be capitalized

'...you were born under the zodiac sign of Leo as yesterday was 1st

August was it not?'; there is a paragraph jump here in the middle of a sentence that is not needed

In the first paragraph after the "4 months later", you have the name 'Phoebe' written 6 times; it breaks the flow greatly. I'm sure you can find other things to say instead to make it different and less redondant (eg: the young girl; their dauther...).

Overall, it is up to a good start, this story of yours. It needs some work in order for it to be completly original but you still have a great main character and a nice way to write so I'm sure you'll manage to bring it all out! Good work so far, keep on writting this story!!

Akussa

Author's Response: Thank you again for another review! It's lovely to read what you think of it! You've reminded me I need to edit this chapter with the beta'd version! I can be so forgetful at times, not like me! Anyway some bits I realised were a lot like Harry's tale and instead of changing that I thought I'd bring in a lot of twists! Thanks for the lovely comments and reminding me about the beta'd version that needs to go up!
LpF123 :)


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Review #46, by Akussa An Unforgettable Birthday

23rd May 2011:
Hi!!

There are some very strong points to this chapter and some a little less strong ones too. First, I loved the narrative; the tone and the detailing was well done and higly enjoyable to read. The dialogues are a bit... overdone? Or is it underdone? I mean to say that the dialogues of this chapter are too close to the ones in the first original book, of how Harry learns he is a wizard. The sentence structure, the words used; the type of questions... I understand that this is similar in term of the story (to have a character learn that he or she is a wizard or witch) but I think this particular part needs work.

That part is actually the one very weak point of the chapter considering the chapter is quite short (if it was longer, this part would kind of melt in the rest).

I am very intrigued as to who this Phoebe is, why she was adopted and why her mother stoped giving a shout. You really did a great job at creating the mystery around this little girl and I really want to keep on reading to discover more about her!

Overall, a good start but needs work to become great! The strong points of characterization and narrative make up for it a bit and gives me the desire to keep on reading. Oh and very good spelling! I didn't spot any glaring errors.

Akussa

Author's Response: Ah hello, thank you for the review! I'm glad you like this story because it's something completely different which I never thought I'd try! I know what you mean about the similarities and it's something I'm watching out for. When it came to McGonagalls speech I wanted to be careful with not saying the wrong thing because I thought there might be a guidline when breaking it to a child that they're magic. I made sure that it was a little similar to Harry's because it's like a big bombshell and if it's told gently then I think it's best. If it's too similar and more people take notice then I will edit it in the future :)
I take pride in spelling however my beta probably corrected a lot of it so there I am thinking I've done really well but in actual fact she's probably just a really awesome beta. Thanks for reviewing!
LpF123 x


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Review #47, by evanlyn An Unfinished Goodbye

17th May 2011:
HI,
I can see that this is sort of similar to Harry's story, but I think the character is unique and fine. Adding in the little personality traits, like scared in the cart, and also she's a real hugger. Keep putting personality traits in (that are different from Harry's) and you'll get the characterisation down.
Thanks for requesting a review! This story isn't my kind of thing (usually) but I really liked it so maybe you've converted me :)

Author's Response: Why thank you! I'm trying to make this story as original as possible so all those differences will come into place and I won't want it to be rushed so I'm going to let things play out a little and let Phoebe get to know herself and let her edge away from being like Harry. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you like this story so far!
LpF123 x


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Review #48, by thehyacinthgirl An Unfinished Goodbye

13th May 2011:
I really like this.

Your portrayal of Phoebe seems rather realistic. I think some people forget what it's like to be eleven - not to mention being eleven and thrown in a world that you don't even understand.

You don't try to portray Phoebe as fearless or brave. She is terrified and confused and anxious like I believe any 'muggle' raised child would be when they learned that they were a witch or wizard and they had encountered Diagon Alley for the first time.

She's curious, but she's also wary and worried. I think for an eleven year old that's quite understandable.

I do appreciate the fact that you make her seem realistic as a person rather than trying to make her some unbelievable herione. It's a nice touch.

I like your characterizations of Phoebe's adoptive family, too. They really seem to care a lot about her. I wanted to hug her in the end, though, because of her disappointment toward her adoptive mother.

Your flow and syntax seemed just fine nor did I pick up on any spelling errors or anything grammatical to fix. However, the spacing seems a bit off. When McGonagall says the 'first of August' the first is separated from the rest of her sentence which makes it look odd.

Other than that, everything looked good to me.

Great job!


Linders

Author's Response: Thank you again! I had to get in touch with my 11 year old self for this story and pretend I'd never read the books. Otherwise if I'd found out I was a witch I'd be screaming with joy! Anyway, I'm glad she seems a lot more worried and scared because it helps tie in with the story! I don't want her seeming like she can deal with anything because when you're 11 you just start another school and everyone gets scared then. If they couldn't deal with that then I doubt they could deal with what's going on with Phoebe right now! As for Heather well notice how I say an unfinished goodbye, I'm sure you'll work out the rest! Thanks again for reviewing,
LpF123 x


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Review #49, by thehyacinthgirl An Unforgettable Birthday

12th May 2011:
This is quite the promising beginning.

I really rather like it. Phoebe without a doubt is one of the more original OC's I've run into, and I really rather like that. She, like Harry, didn't even know she was a witch until someone told her.

Your characterizations seem realistic, and spot on for McGonagall. I can't imagine Minerva liking to lie to anyone, but I can see her doing that to spare someone the details of a truth if she thought it were too painful or too hard for someone to understand.

I like McGonagall's line about 'the weird cat'. It's so typical of her to make a joke yet say it dryly. Ah, Minerva.

The adoptive parents and adoptive brother seem quite supportive and loving, so at least she got into a loving adoptive family and wasn't thrown into an orphanage.

I can't help but feel bad for Phoebe, though. I can imagine that she's confused and upset.

I didn't pick up on any grammar, syntax, spelling, or flow issues so kudos there! I always can appreciate a piece that has that polished look to it.

This certainly isn't your typical story, and I can't see where it leads to.

Great job!


Linders

Author's Response: OMG! LindaSnape! Sorry I checked out your about me page and found out you were LindaSnape. I remember your stories and thinking, maybe you'll get to where she is one day. Sorry it was a fangirl moment! Thank you for liking this story, I really wanted to try something different and the era just helped with that! People have been warning me not to go in Harry's direction or Voldy's however for the first few chapters it may seem that she is but I've put in a few twists here and there just so it's more original. Thank you again for reading and reviewing it means a lot!
LpF123 x


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Review #50, by Bitterblue An Unforgettable Birthday

2nd May 2011:
Hey, here to fullfill you reviewing wishes!!! I think this piece was truly touching. I really got an insight on Phoebe's yearning and honestly can't wait to read more (I think I told you once that I love your stories) and this one seems to top them all. :D Keep it up, and update SOON! 10/10!

Author's Response: Oh thank you! 10/10! Yay! I'm halfway through the next chapter I'm just trying to get her to be as anti Mary-Sue as I can! You think this one tops them all! That really means a lot to me so thank you so much. I gave you a review too your story was awesome!
-LpF123 x


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