Reading Reviews for Love is a Battlefield
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MidnightBlue_x One Word Turns into a War

2nd October 2010:
Hey There,
I actually read this, this morning on my phone while I was lying around waiting for Breaky but I couldn't leave a review. From what I remember, there were no mistakes...*happy dance for you* Good chapter, Can't wait to see what happens in Chapter Four! 10/10

x Ely

Author's Response: I wish that we could review from our phones. I run into that problem alot. :( Anyways...

Thank you so much for coming by. I appreciate your kind words. :D --Jenna


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Review #27, by MidnightBlue_x One Minute it's Love

28th September 2010:
Heyya,
Once again thanks for letting me review your brilliant story.

Just one mistake, I noticed;
she answered.["] Can...can I ask who it was?"

Anyway, great chapter. Sorry for the choppy review, my brain is very muddled but Alice is still great and loving the canon's. Thanks for requesting and see you in the next chapter.

x Ely

Author's Response: Hey! More like thank you for taking the time to do it. :D

Does that mean I forgot the opening quotations? Darn! *goes to fix it* Thank you so much.

You're a gem, thank you so much!! :D --Jenna


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Review #28, by Dreaming of Remus I Know What's Happening Here

27th September 2010:
I like it. I've actually got something along the same lines in a story I'm working on. The nightmares and the guys having to wake him up. The only detail of what the dreams are about center on the night he was attacked and in another story it has Tonks being hurt as well. I've got alot more written than what is posted but I'm having computer issues. Luckily I can read other people's stuff on my phone.

Author's Response: Coolness! I tend to focus his dreams on attacking his fellow Marauders, being worried for their safety, but I would love to see your take on it! I know that I can read on my Blackberry, so you might be able to :D --Jenna

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Review #29, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Better Go and Get Your Armor

26th September 2010:
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review.

"...leaving a chill at Remus' side from the loss of the other boy's body heat." This was a good line, it hints at the story to come while staying nice and subtle. You had a few other points in there that were good too, that got it through that this is a plot coming on.

Another nice subtlety was the explanation of bunnies and how they twirl their hair, and then mentioning Alice twirling her hair, connected it smoothly.

Remus was trying to hide from love if he hoped Alice was taking a poll or not planning to follow up her question by asking him out. It shows he was shy, didn't want to take charge of the situation. He also had low self esteem; he expected Alive would grow quickly bored of him after just one date and ditch him. Poor kid.

I was surprised Alice and Remus got along so well. I was more on Remus' side with the whole "I'll bore her" mindset, I'll admit it. Intelligent, quiet guys like Remus don't usually get along so well with "bunnies" as Sirius would say. I would have liked some clarification on what they had in common. I wanted more proof, you could say, more detail. I'm still wanting more on that part.

Remus and Sirius' characters seem fine, especially as we got a lot of Remus' character out of this first chapter. Hopefully we'll get to see more of Sirius later on, more depth, but I'm content with this first chapter. As for Alice, like I said, what I want more on is how her character fits in with Remus. If you add that bit, it will give us enough of her character to go on for this first chapter.

The interrogation of the Marauders after the date was perfectly in character and amusing, just the few sentences showed their character well. All in all, your re-writing has been successful, this was a good chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming by. :D

Thank you for that. I was going for subtle yet foretelling, so I'm glad that it's working. Yeah, I always pictured Remus as very reserved when it comes to picking dates. He has a LOT of baggage, so I don't see him just throwing in wiht any pretty face. Since he kinda thinks she's a bunny at this point, I didn't want him excited. Yeah, his self esteem is pretty low. :(

Well, they got on mostly because he let her do the talking. LOL. Even though Sirius sees her as a bunny still, she isn't deep down. She's a pretty smart girl and really does see that inner quality to Remus. I hope that the later chapters show that more.

Sirius is a lot more in the later chapters, but since the story is primarily following Remus, he won't have as many scenes as him. There is a big scene that is just between James and Sirius later though. Plus Sirius' interaction with Remus/Alice later might help show him more. :D I hope.

Thank you so much for all of your help. I'll give Alice a bit more thought to show their connections. :D --Jenna


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Review #30, by MidnightBlue_x Better Go and Get Your Armor

24th September 2010:
Hey I'm here for your review.
This is a really great first chapter, I personally worry a lot when I re-write my own stories and wonder if anyone thinks they're good enough, but I don't think you need to worry. I haven't read the orginial but I think this is excellent. The characteraztion is great, And I love Alice I think she'll be interesting to read. Incase you haven't seen my response on the review thread I would love to keep reading this after you've finished re-writing, but of course it's up to you! Hope I helped a bit and Well done!

x Ely

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much. :D

I'm glad that you approve of Alice, she really is my biggest worry. I fail at females. LOL. Thank you for reviewing and I will certainly come by with Chapter 2 for your thoughts. It's in the queue now, so yay. :D --Jenna


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Review #31, by Adrielne The Smallest Things that Tear Us Down

21st August 2010:
(Prize review #10 - last one!)

Yay for Moony and Alice! And yay for you for not giving in to purple prose or mugglenet-worthy and ToS-disallowed graphicness! It's a shame that Alice acted like the girl and left in a huff instead of talking it out. I wouldn't have done that. Then again, I'm often called 'odd' or 'different' for having a differently wired mind than most of the female population...

Personal brain issues put aside, this was another great chapter! And there still wasn't any slashy slash! But the tension you're building has even me anticipating what will happen next, which - with my attitude to Remus/Sirius ships - is quite a feat, as you well know.

This story is looking to be a very good one, but unfortunately I won't have the time to get around to finishing it for quite a while - I still need to review the other six challenge winners (2nd and 3rd places in this one and 1st, 2nd, 3rd and HM for the other)... Which tallies up to about what, thirty reviews? Quite a number, so I should get to it while the awards are still fresh.

Anyways, despite my complaining about how you ship Remus/Sirius so much, I had an all-around great time reading and reviewing your stories and looking at your replies to what I wrote.

You're a marvelous writer - you should really consider publishing some OF if you haven't yet - and I hope that you keep up the good fan fiction work. I'm sure all the male slash lovers out there can appreciate it much more than I do, but even I have to admit that your stories are really good.

Good luck writing and see you around! And once again, congratulations for winning "The Birthday Challenge"! As the second part of your prize, a link to your Albus/Gellert story will be featured in my signature for a month (once the House Cup ends), along with your username, rating and the appropriate note that you won.

A 10/10 to show just how much I like to read your writing!

~ Adrielne

Author's Response: Ummm, I don't know what you mean by Purple Prose or Muggle-net worthy graphicness. :(

Yeah, I think she might be a little more...assertive later on, a bit more strong of a character.

Oh my, that is a lot of reviews. I now have that feeling of dread coming up that is with my own challenge. It is closed onthe 31st. That's why I reviewed and scored the entries as they went, that way I wasn't too overwhelmed, so yay. :D

Thank you so much. :D You've very much made my day. Week actually. :D --Jenna


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Review #32, by Adrielne One Word Turns into a War

21st August 2010:
(Prize review #9)

I really like this chapter. The teenage drama is starting to take shape and the plot is starting to climb up the tension hill. I see no issues with flow or pacing and the formatting is great - same as separating descriptive paragraphs, adding the perfect amount of dialogue, no grammar or spelling mistakes.

I think you could have gotten a hundred words more out of Sirius' and Remus' conversation in the dorm at the end there. Gave us a bit more of the "Could it be that you're jealous" speech and a bit more of a reply from Sirius, who'd point out how Alice is only a brainless bunny and how Remus could do (note the double entendre) much better. But that's just me and my odd liking of between-Marauders arguments.

What can I say - I'm really starting to like this! Thanks for writing something other than start-to-end slash (well, apart from the dream story and the Alphard journal)! ;)

Another 9/10 - and I'm starting to feel as if I was spoiling you with praise... But you deserve every single word of it! Just let me know if the time comes when I'll have to start calling you "James Potter" ;)

~Adrielne

Author's Response: Thank you. :D I'll remember that when I go back and add to it. *jots it down for later*

LOL don't worry, I won't go Potter on ya. :P I really appreciate all of the nice things you're saying. Thank you so much. --Jenna


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Review #33, by Adrielne One Minute it's Love

21st August 2010:
(Prize review #8)

Ahh, how good it feels to read about a romantic situation between and a Marauder and a GIRL for a change! So refreshing! ;) And it wasn't Sirius? xD What, I'm just happy for Moony!

And the questions about Remus' previous dating is JUST what I would expect of Alice. She's one of those girls who would read a "150 things never to say to a guy" list and laugh half of them off, then apply the other half (the ones that were jokes or irony) in her life... If you created a deeper girl character and paired Remus up with her, I wouldn't be mad at all ;)

And Sirius got jealous! You don't have to write it, I can feel it. And that's what good writing is about! Great job carrying over emotions without saying them out loud or even hinting at them! You just wrote a chapter and I know what the other characters are feeling! I'm impressed!

Error overenthusiasm: The number of exclamation points in that paragraph exceeded the allowed number. ;)

Anyways, I really cannot wait to read the next chapter. You pulled me into this story so much that I think I'll have to read it to the end... Despite the slash! And who knows, I might even like it!

Again, 9/10 - and don't feel spoiled, it's well earned!

~ Adrielne

Author's Response: Yeah, see my point about my females being crud? LOL I think that writing Haunted has made my ability a little better, that is why the re-write will have Alice a little less...hm, vapid and empty? Write a Remus/Girl...hmm, it would have to be a canon character, like...I don't know. I just dislike Marauder/OC. Yeah, that sounds weird as THIS is Marauder/OC.

I might have to just edit chapters, not lose my reviews. :D If you do read it through, skip chapter 10. I'll be honest, the story can plausibly end on chapter 9. I wrote it to where it could end there, but then a friend sort of talked me into adding the more sexual business at the end. You won't lose any story line if you skip it, just physical stuff. ;)

Thank you again, so much!! --Jenna


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Review #34, by Adrielne Better Go and Get Your Armor

21st August 2010:
(Prize review #7 - I checked!)

First off, thank you for all those wonderful replies!
1. If you can write guys this good, you can write those strong, independent girl characters just as well. Just add a bit more analytical emotions and you'll have a girl!
2. Looking back at old stories is a good idea, but don't change too much - you'll have something to compare to in a few years, to see how much better you are now :)
3. I really like your stories, despite the shipping.

Now on to this particular chapter!

Yes, I did decide to start reading a longer story of yours. I only "have to" (notice the quotation marks) read and review four more chapters, so it might not get too slashy for me and I might enjoy it.

And I DID enjoy this - there wasn't any blatant slash, just alluding to it, so I was fine with it. The Remus/AliciaWood pairing is well written, even if she is a bit of a "bunny". And Remus agreed to date her! I bet Sirius will have quite a few things to say about that the next morning at breakfast...

But moving lightly along, you once again have formatting issues, also the result of copy/pasting the chapter into the editing box, even when using "paste as plain text". To avoid that, you need to paste the chapter into notepad (it loses all formatting) and then from there into the "paste as plain" box on HPFF. Just a trick you probably know of already ;)

I really don't know what to compliment next: the writing style I've told you about so much? The great idea for this fic? The beautiful banner? The chapter title that made me laugh? My favorite quote?

And yes, I did find a new favorite quote in this chappie:
--- [quote]
Sirius smiled over at Remus. "I'm sure Alice is nice, if you really like her then I'll be nice to her."
"I do like her," Remus answered.
"I was hoping that you would see that for the empty gesture that it was."
--- [/quote]
That is absolutely and undoubtedly Sirius! Even if the last line does have "that" a few times. How about 'I was hoping you'd see it for the empty gesture it was'? Completely "that"-free! xD

Ahh, I know what I forgot to mention - brilliant characterization! And a good balance between description and dialogue! And great grammar, spelling and punctuation!

Can I just bow down to you? Because I will!
All hail Jenna! All hail Jenna! ;)

A completely deserved 9/10!!!

~ Adrielne

Author's Response: Oh wow, Thank you for that! Um, actually, I was planning to go back and sort of re-write this fic. This was the VERY first thing I put on here and knew NOTHING about formatting. I've learned, if you look at one of the chapters in my recent Novels (look, not read LOL) then you'll see that I've learned. :D I really wanna go back and make it more descriptive and rounded out. I plan on deleting the later chapters and just editing the first, that way I can lower the rating and lighten the warnings. I plan to get rid of the sexual scene in chapter 10 and replace it with something more...tasteful.

This was the first thing I wrote that wasn't a one shot and I really hold by the story line, so I'm hoping with a re-write, it'll do better. :D

You're way kind. Thank you so much! --Jenna


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Review #35, by katebabelovesharrypotter Don't Even Know What We're Fighting For

24th June 2010:
Is it mean that I didn't like Alice from the beginning...?

Author's Response: Certainly not mean. :D A lot of people don't like her because she is standing between the two that are meant to be.

Goodness, this is such an old story I didn't think people would even find it anymore. :D Thank you for reading. --Jenna


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Review #36, by NickiForDraco One Minute it's Love

4th February 2010:
AAH! :( I was like "OMG OMG OMG NEXT CHAPTER NOW!!!" and i went to click it, and it wasn't there!! :( *cries* update soon??? I LOVE this story sooo much!!!

You are magnificent so smile. You deserve too! :)

xxx
All my love and support,
Nicki.

10/10

Author's Response: The validation wait is torture! Oh, I'm so glad that you like it so far. I'm putting the chapters in as fast as they check them, so *fingers crossed* it won't take long.

Thank you so much! I'll even send you two smiles. :D :D :D Ah, three!

Till the next-- Jenna


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Review #37, by Siriius One Minute it's Love

4th February 2010:
Everytime Alice speaks all I can see is 'BLA BLA HOPPITY BLA!' She doesn't matter, to me anyway ;D Yes, Remus did have sex with Sirius. Why are you lying!? He did. Well, in my dreams anyway. Cause that's the way it was always meant to be ^.^ F*ck what J.K said. Sirius and Remus were together. OotP made it so obvious :O Ha, Alice got like, so pwned by Remus. She is a twat, I tell you! I was actually going to kill her with the 'No, you're serious' joke. Anyways, update soon, love. This was an awesome second chapter ^_~

Author's Response: Again, I have nothing to say in responce to the Alice bashing. I think I would love the girl if she wasn't trying to get all up on my main guy. Well, Sirius' guy! He hasn't had sex with Sirius.

Yet.

Hey >.> Who said that? This is my responce. Hush up. J.K. might have fooled many people, but if she wanted to sink the R/S ship she should have given Sirius a chick. I mean COME ON, the guy was just *drools* yeah! *addresses J.K. here* You honestly expect us to believe that he couldn't get someone after prison? He has been locked away for 13 years and the first thing he does is shack up at Remus' house! Oh, we are so believing the brothers thing. See us believeing. *rolls eyes*

*turns back to Marc* Thank you! I so love you for giving me the inspiration with this story BTW!


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Review #38, by AshtheAwesomeRainbow One Minute it's Love

4th February 2010:
HAH FIRST ONE! Sorry marc xD But f*ck Alice! Don't tempt a guy and then don't sleep with him xD It's mean! Sirius would never do that. (God, now I sound like Marc and you at the same time xD) Anyways, I kinda get to agree with Marc. Dump the b*tch and get together with a nice person =D LY Jenna! xx

Author's Response: Oh, this is SO a Remius, it is just a matter of time. Hello! Alice was gonna sleep with him *coughs* might still *coughs* it was Remus that gave her the total brush off there.

For the record I think that everyone should sound like me and Marc when it comes to Remius! ILY2


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Review #39, by AshtheAwesomeRainbow Better Go and Get Your Armor

4th February 2010:
JENNA!! I f*cking hate being the second reviewer xD But your story is reallyreallyreally awesome, keep on writing biatch! xxloveforyou

Author's Response: Aww, you should have know that Marc would beat you to it. LOL.

Thanks! I don't have to keep on writing cuz it's already done. Hahaha.


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Review #40, by Siriius Better Go and Get Your Armor

27th January 2010:
ily Remius
ily Jenna ;D
like Sirius said, only bunny's go with other bunny's and Remus is no damn bunny. dump her. get with Sirius and have a happy ending ^.^ Loved the first chapter! 10/10 love ;) Update soon!

Author's Response: You have to have patience boy.

Thanks for the review. You know ILY2.

Hey, now... I kinda like Alice I mean she has some very good... yeah, can't even think of one. She is a total bunny. :P


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