Hey there! Only last night, I was reviewing the first chapter and now here I am...once again! :D
Okay.. so first off, this chapter was really cute! It was all about lopsided smiles and Callum!
I really feel like Callum is the person to trust. He's so easy going, funny and he seems friendly from what I've read but there's this small part of my brain saying that opposes. I don't know, I guess there's a bit of excitement and mystery in him but I'm 80% sure that the Ministry sent him as a 'spy' or maybe Dumbledore did?!
So far a very interesting plot and chapter! I'm really excited for all the explanations on why Daphne and, if applicable/possible, Callum didn't get their letters when they were 11!
My praises to you for creating such interesting and unique story, not only that but you took the courage to actually write it and publish it here. Not many authors can do that since they can't really base the plot with anything from the books and movies.
I'm so glad you wrote this!
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Hey again! I'm so happy you came back to review chapter 2!
I'm really really glad you liked this chapter and the plot :) I'm also very happy about how you feel about Callum, its exactly the way I wanted to portray him, a little mysterious and charming so that the reader feels like they have to make the same decision as Daphne about whether to trust him or not :)
Thank you so much for coming by and reviewing!
xx Report Review
aaawww that was cute :)Author's Response: Thanks again DL :) Report Review
Hey there! I'm so sorry for the very late reply. I've been just really school busy lately.
Okay so first off, I think this story is going to be very very interesting since I've never seen one like this before! So I guess, I might favourite it!
I really like the way you made this so...so..different and unique from the usual 'oh-there-was-a-student-left-out-for-first-year' story. I thought she would've discovered about her abilities when she was 14 or 15 not 16! So that really came across as unexpected.
The word choice/s were really great. You didn't use too big words and didn't use too primary-ish words. So I guess you can say yours was above average?
The flow is so great. I mean, at the start I was thinking 'Oh no...' since I didn't really get anything or the first 3 or 4 sentences and then as I moved on everything just started falling into place...-even Callum!- So I guess you could say that you made the story flow quiet exquisitely.
And...I think that's about it! The only thing to do now is give you a rate and favourite this story! 10/10
I want to read Chapter 2!
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: WOW! This was an amazing review! I can't stop grinning! :D
Thank you so so much for this! It's a new story and a new concept so I was worried about how people were going to react to it so this really really helped :)
Thank you so much I'll definitely come by for chapter 2! Report Review
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^ I apologize for the delay.
First of all, I liked your story summary. It was rather intriguing, so I thought I’d compliment you on that seeing how most people have a lot of issues with their story summaries (including me). I also liked how you set the scene for this chapter, you opened well into the story with your character looking at her little blue box.
I did spot some minor grammar/punctuation/spelling errors. For example, in your first paragraph, you might want to revise your sentence flow as you have a few run-on sentences. For example:
“I stayed still, my eyes transfixed on the little blue music box that sat oddly alone in the middle of the bookshelf otherwise packed with thick psychology volumes and several other text books. Most which haven’t been read by medical students till their third year.” I know this isn’t exactly a run-on sentence, but because you made that second sentence incomplete, the flow makes it seem as though it’s one long run-on. There were a few too many details packed into this sentence.
Also, I think you meant to have a period instead of a slash in this sentence: “The lid opened slowly and a blue fairy appeared with long wings that circled around her small frame/”.
Normally, the whole “abnormal special powers thing” can get cliché, so you need to be careful so your story doesn’t slip into the category. However, seeing as your plot is so unique already, you might not have any trouble with it. Just a warning, though. ^_^
I also think you missed a word on this sentence: “‘So why are here and not out there?’” That sentence doesn’t really make sense, so you might want to add a “you” in there.
Lastly, you ended this chapter with a good cliffhanger. It was a good way to wrap up all of your scattered details and pull them together. Overall, I really liked this story. You have a very original idea and you write well, so congratulations on a great story! Feel free to re-request from me in the future! ^_^
- JacquelineAuthor's Response: Hey thank you so much for reviewing and thanks for all the advice and the head's up! It definitely was a helpful review :) Thanks again. Glad you liked the story in general.
~Pen2Paper Report Review
Hey it's me with your review!
Can I just say wow? This is one of the most original ideas that I've seen in a while. I don't think I've ever read or seen a story with this plot. Top marks for creativity! The introduction of this story was most definitely extremely attention-getting and managed to bring in the reader almost immediately. So far, I think you've got an extremely good plot. If you can keep it up, I can see this story becoming a tremendous success.
Daphne seems to me a strong-willed and independent young woman who, although she may not realise it yet, can have the courage and ability to do anything she chooses. Callum on the other hand, seems a bit too perfect to be real, if you know what I mean. This leads me to mistrust him a bit. I don't know if you were going for that, but if so, well done because it really was done quite subtley.
The word choice really inhanced the readabilty because it wasn't a level that was too high for most readers. Good choice on that!
One thing that struck me as odd was Daphne's headaches and pain. I know it was a side effect of her magic, but as Harry never experienced anything of the sort and there's no clue in any of the books that any other wizard experienced it, I'm not so sure about it. Despite that, as we've also never had a character whose magic was not recognised on time, it could very well be highly realistic. The pain of the palms reminded me of the book/ movie 'I Am Number 4'.
You've got an exceptional story so far and it was extremely fun to read and review it. If you want another request, I'd love to review again.
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the quick response and OH MY GOD! this is an amazing review! I love love love it!
I'm so relieved and pleased that you think this story can be a success! I'm glad it has potential :)
I'm glad Daphne came across exactly as I wanted, I wrestled so much with her personality. :) as for Callum I don't want to give too much away but lets just say I'm pleased with what you feel about his character! :)
Yes, I know the headaches are odd but I wanted to include it to give Daphne incentive to feel intimidated and wary from the powers she has. I just included it by my own will thinking it culd be a nice quirk to the kids who are over 11 when they show signs of magic.
Thank you so much for the great review! I'll be back for more for sure :) :)
this is really good :)))
i like the topic, it's very interesting.Author's Response: Thanks Doglover :) Hope you read the upcoming chappies too :) Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested. First, I just want to apologize for the extremely long wait. I'm so sorry about that. I've been pretty busy with school work and such, and my queue has just been huge these days. So it gook me longer than I would have hoped, but I finally made time for this. Thank you for being so patient! And I'm glad you requested!
This was a great piece. You really fell into a steady rhythm with everything as soon as the story started, and it had a great flow to it. Everything ran perfectly from one piece to the other. I know you said you were worried it was a little vague, but really I don't think that you were. You had great descriptions and you really brought the story to life. You got everything across so perfectly, and sometimes I feel like the shorter descriptions can say so much more. I like the abrupt descriptions and stuff. They say a lot and have a lot of meaning to them, and they actually go pretty in depth. Like the way you ended this chapter. It was an abrupt description that literally didn't say much, but when looking at the connotation of it and all the meaning behind it, there was so much to say. It really got a lot across. So don't worry about it in that area. You're great. ;)
You were off to a wonderful start immediately, and you really have a great story here! This is such an original and unique piece, and I have no idea how you came up with it, but it's wonderful! I'm so impressed.
Well done, and thanks for requesting! I hope I was helpful enough, and I wish I could say more, but I don't know quite what to tell you. Things were great! :)
Really wonderful job! You're very creative!Author's Response: Hey Phoenix flames!
I'm so sorry but I swear I already responded to this review! and so I was happily sitting around and today I just notice Whaa? there's no response! must have been some glitch! SO SO SORRY!
Anyways, your review was AMAZING! and I loved all the encouragement you gave me! Thank you so so much. I'm pleased that you think its got good potential and that so far the story has been a good read.
Thank you thank you thank you! I really appreciate your encouragement and support! Thanks again!
:D Report Review
What a wonderful begining to this story.
It's so well written and leaves nothing to guess, meaning that all thoughts and feelings are written so well that nothing has to be guessed at.
I so very much look forward to reading chapter two.
Have a wonderful day!
EmmanuelleAuthor's Response: Ahh Emmanuelle! Thank you so much for reading reviewing and the lovely compliments! I enjoyed reading your review and thank you so much for it! Hope to hear more of what you think of the rest of the story :) thanks for reading :) Report Review
What a great introduction to a story! I've read some of your other stuff and look forward to seeing how this one plays out...I think I can see where it may be headed but I may be wrong! Let's just say I think Callum is a bit shifty :-)
Great writing, great characterisation, can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Thank you so much Lilyrose for giving my new story a go :) I'm so glad you liked the intro and I so hope you will return for more :) Thank you so much :) Report Review
It's very clever, and quite original. I enjoy it, and your portrayal of Daphne is interesting. Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and being the first one to review :) ahhh you made my day :D Thank you so so much! I do hope you will return to read more :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection