Reading Reviews for Caprice
460 Reviews Found

Review #51, by DracoFerret11 September

13th January 2012:
Hey, it's me again. More reviewing now!

Wow...this chapter...ahh, especially the end. That just hurt. I'm not even the one going through it, but I can imagine how much that would really, really suck to experience. You're doing a great job with portraying the emotions. Keep up the good work.

So, your concerns:

Characterization was good here. Everyone is consistent and well-written. I don't have any complaints. And Caprice isn't a Mary-Sue at the moment! Yay!

Interactions: the friendship between the Gryffindor girls is very believable. It makes them all seem very close. I really liked that Nora went out with Capri to comfort her after her feelings were hurt so badly.

I have no concerns about the believability of this chapter. Everything made sense and was reasonable. So, well done there.

Flow and pace? You're doing fine. :] The flow is interesting. You mentioned Jason, but he doesn't seem to play a large role yet. We'll see where he goes. I hope she doesn't date him just to make Sirius jealous...Pacing is fine too, we're moving alone nicely.

I think you've got something good here. It all seems like it makes sense and I was impressed with the emotions you portrayed. I might like to see more in the way of descriptions of the characters though. I don't remember what half of them look maybe some hints in that department would help. :]

Keep up the good work! I'll continue reading ASAP!


Author's Response: Hey Emily!
Whoa! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING REVIEWS! I'm so so sorry I couldn't get back to you earlier! took an extended vacation and left the lap top behind so I wouldn't be tempted to write, work or play games and instead just enjoyed Lol.
Anyway your reviews are amazing and i'm glad you are enjoying the story. I hope that the characters are developing. This is my first fiction really and I'm hoping that I'm steering away from cliches and mary-sue behaviours with my oc. I am working on getting more characters involved. Since I found it hard to tie in the characters I thought I'll instead bring in their perspective. Hope you'll see what i mean in the future chapters.
Don't worry, she's not gonna be a "Fifth Marauder" loll she's only tied to Sirius. Thank you so much for the reviews Emily. You've given me I really appreciate it. Glad you came by :) Thanks loads, again.

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Review #52, by DracoFerret11 Iron Heart

13th January 2012:
Hey there, it's DarkRose again.

Well, here are some opinions on the chapter:

I think that Caprice and Sirius have a cute friendship and I'm fond of the fact that they consider themselves "best friends," but what about James? How does he work into the plot if Sirius has a different best friend? Maybe it will still make sense. :] We'll see.

Ah, right after she finds out that Sirius is leaving...DRAMATIC! She just spazzes! I felt uncomfortable and I'm not even there, haha. If I were Sirius, I would be weirded out, even if she WAS my best friend. Freaky.

A couple of things that might turn this story cliche/cheesy: if Caprice becomes the "Fifth Marauder," so to say, hanging around them and participating in their pranks...eesh. You might want to steer clear of that. Also, the fact that she's on the Quidditch team and has this "Striker" title seems a little Mary-Sue. Careful!

So, characterization: I didn't mind either Sirius or Caprice here. I mentioned what did weird me out, but overall, they were good. I liked that Sirius was totally a guy at the end and got distracted and didn't write. That's a good characterization point.

Interactions were pretty good. That's how I write friendships between girls and guys. :] With petnames and hugging and things like that. People sometimes say it's too close for friendship, but I like it.

Your believability is also doing fine right now. It's a tiny bit of a cliche plot-line with the Fifth Marauder scenario, but I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Flow and pace are doing fine here too. You also wanted to know about word choice...I didn't see anything that bothered me. So! I think you're doing well. I'll read chapter six ASAP!


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Review #53, by javct September

6th January 2012:
Away I go!

Good chapter, however, this chapter did confuse me a little. At the start of the last chapter you made out like Sirus and Capri were really good friends (best friends even), yet, in this chapter they don't seem to really like one another.

The plot is becoming more developed as the story comes along. It is also getting more interesting as they have aged and have more emotions ;)

The characterisation is really good, however in this chapter, slightly confusing (unless it's just really obvious and I'm just missing it).

I loved the final line and the quote from 'September Rain' at the end, it just added to the emotion that Capri was feeling :)
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey Jaz! Thank you so much for the incredible reviews again! I know you said you were glad that I wasn't skipping ahead and I was like "uh oh" :P lol I didn't mention four years later in the Iron Heart chapter because I said in the last line of the previous chapter that four years later she wished she could take it back. anyway I hope you weren't too confused there.
Glad you like where the story is going. Thank you so much for the reviews :) I'll be back for more :) :)

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Review #54, by javct Iron Heart

6th January 2012:

Once again, this chapter is good. However, I would suggest stating at the start of the chapter that it is four years later, because I was a little confused at the start how she got back home.

The characterisations are really good, I like how you've kept it canon - especially with Sirus leaving his parents house and going to James's. It's also nice to see Sirus being friends with Caprice before they 'fall in love' it's good to see a non-cliche'd Sirus and OC story.

The plot, so far, is coming along great! I can't really give a great comment because it's only the start of the story, but I'm still enjoying this nonetheless.

However, I am a little confused as to why Caprice wanted to burn the letter at the end.
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey again! and again SO SORRY for the lateness! its unforgivable!
Anyway I'm so glad you find it canon and realistic I'm trying very hard to stay away from cliches. :) Anyways thank you so so much for the reviews!! Geez I'm sorry I havent replied earlier!
PS: Capri was so angry she wanted to burn the letter because she expected more than the five lines written to her by Sirius.
Thanks again for the reviews!

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Review #55, by javct Vanishing Charm

5th January 2012:
Back with another review!

Sorry about taking so long. I really enjoyed this chapter; I like it how you are keeping them the same age and not skipping ahead to when their sixteen.

The plot is coming along nicely. You are defiantly defining the characters really clearly and giving us an insight onto who's who in the story.

The pace of the story is good; it's not moving too fast and you are cutting the scenes at the right time as well :)

The characterisation has been consistent so far. The way that Caprice acts around Sirus is perfect and you have hit the Marauders on the head.
There were a few grammatical mistakes throughout the chapter but nothing too big (it didn't turn me off the story or anything)
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey! Oh my God! Please don't kill me for being so late with a reply to this! I'm so so so so sorry! ok onto the replay,
Ah ummm well this is unfortunately the last chapter for the 11 year olds but I promise its not going to change drastically!
Again thank you, I'm really glad that pace is not a problem, i was wondering if it was a bit choppy! and i'm really glad that Caprice and the Marauders are doing ok in characterization. Thanks for the heads up I'll check out the grammer and Thank you so so much for the review!

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Review #56, by DracoFerret11 Vanishing Charm

5th January 2012:
Well, it's DarkRose again. And, off we go to review-land!

A few random things to mention before I get into the more accute points:

First off, you have the sentence: "A week had passed since I discovered I was a witch." but it has most definitely been longer than that. I think you mean that it's been a week since she arrived at Hogwarts. Fix that, maybe? :]

Secondly, I adored all the "discoveries" that Caprice has been making since she arrived at school. I like that she has a close friend in Nora and she gets along with her dormmates. It's great that you didn't make a cliche animosity right off the bat.

And, thirdly, a random thought: you mention that the Gryffindor girls and Severus "eat dinner together" occasionally or something like that, but that doesn't ever happen in canon. It's completely an unimportant detail, but if it bugs you, feel free to throw out that line.

Now, on to the reviewing!

I love your OCs. I think they're all really solid and non-Mary-Sue-ish, for now. :] And the characterization of all the canon characters is great as well. I think you did terrifically showing how they all fit together and interact. I love the funny little inside-joke between Caprice and Sirius, the Jill/David one. :] Cute.

Well done with the descriptions of everything in this chapter, though it was a little bit like a list when she was describing her friends and things she'd learned in the wizarding world. It didn't kill things, though, so I wouldn't worry TOO much.

I like how you ended the chapter. That last line was really impacting. It left off at a great transition. The paragraph before it, though, when you talk about Sirius telling Capri that they can't ever be more than friends, seemed a little weird. A bit out of place. But I understand why it was there, so that's all right.

So, anyhow, really, really great job. I think this chapter went beautifully. On to chapter five ASAP!


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Review #57, by DracoFerret11 Belonged

2nd January 2012:
Hey there, it's DarkRose from the forums, here with your reviews! :]

I've actually read and reviewed the first two chapters before (YEARS ago), but I'll leave a quick note about them, since I reread them just now to reacquaint myseld with them:

So, chapter one, Life at 11, was really sweet. It was short, almost like a prologue, but it definitely set the mood. I loved the title. It could be taken as a double meaning, you know: that she's eleven years old AND she lives at number eleven? That's what I got out of it. I liked the fact that you managed to show her characterization in subtle things, like the fact that she's a bit introverted (she reads rather than socializes) and she's got an...interesting family. I would have liked to hear more descriptions though. What does she LOOK like, for instance? And things like that.

Chapter two, Unexpected Possibility, was quite good as well. I liked the fact that she was very surprised by the owl coming to her room. I wonder why it showed up in the middle of the night though...and it seemed a little odd that she didn't scream, though you explained that pretty well. Personally, I would have FREAKED OUT. :] Good job describing her interaction with her aunt, though we still didn't get many descriptions here. There also isn't much to go on with characterization in this chapter, but I think you have things solid enough that that didn't affect it much.

Now, this chapter:

I think you did absolutely terrifically. I really liked how you portrayed Caprice here. I'm wondering, her nickname "Capri," where is the emphasis on that? I don't want to be pronouncing it incorrectly. Is it "CAH-pri" or "Cah-PRI"? If that makes any sense whatsoever...

Good job with your characterization of Lily, Severus, and Sirius. He hasn't introduced himself yet though! I think that will be funny when he finally does.

One thing that I didn't particularly understand is why she's hiding the truth about her magic from her family? Won't they realize eventually that she's different from them? Though, I guess they haven't realized it about the aunt. Though I would think that would've been difficult to hide. Did the aunt hide it from HER family? Which is why Caprice's mother doesn't know? Hmm...maybe explain all that more?

I wish we had more descriptions of Caprice's looks and her surroundings. I think you describe emotions very well, but physical descriptions might help bring the story into a more realistic scope.

Good job here. I think you wrote this in a very intriguing way. I like that we got a glimpse of Caprice's first year, though I'm expecting you to skip the rest of it soon, since that's what most authors do...and we'll see if you avoid too many of the Sirius/OC cliches! Off I go to chapter four!


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Review #58, by apocalypse September

1st January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, her with your review!

Okay let's start off with the areas of concern, shall we? I think I remember all of them =)

Plot: The plot is going very well up till now. It's very good to see how Caprice has adjusted so well and is now a very important part of Hogwarts as well as the plot. I like how you've set up the entire thing and how you're going about with it. The fact that she's trying to control herself and succeeding and failing at the same time is pretty well-written. I like how she interacted with Ania and did not let her actual feelings show. It shows how she has matured and how much your story has advanced.

Word choice: Well, your word choice, as usual is excellent. However, I'd like to say here that I can't help but feel that your dialogues are not properly punctuated. I know it's not such a big deal and as all your dialogues have similar punctuation, it can be ignored. But I feel I should just let you know, you know?

Example: "Hey, Cappie" - this should be: 'Hey, Cappie,". There should be comma before you close the dialogue. You do put question marks and exclamation marks before you close the speech marks but I've noticed that it's not the case with full stops and commas. This was just to bring it to your notice as I know it can only be corrected if you do a full edit. =) Apart from the above mentioned errors, your grammar is completely fine. =D

Characterization: Ooooh, I have a lot to say on that! =D Let's start with Capri. I think her character is developing at a very good pace. She's doing very good and is handling the Sirius situation pretty well. I like how she's interacting with him and is hiding her crush pretty well. =) I loved her conversation with Jason. I too can't believe how she did not notice him before. Where was he?! =P So glad you've brought him into the story. It'll make the story and plot all the more better! =) I felt so sad for her when she figured out what had happened. In the previous chapters, she hasn't been AS observant as she was in the last few paragraphs. I loved you made her observed Sirius specifically. It shows how she pays so much attention to him. =)

Sirius: Well, i can't say it's his fault. He thinks that she's his best friend and honestly he IS at perfectly liberty to do whatever he wants. It's quite like him actually. I wonder who the girl is; it's not Ania as she's not at Hogwarts. Hmm, I'm curious =P Though I do think that he should've told Capri the truth instead of hiding it. I do not understand why he lied. Wonder what's happening there =P

Lily+James: I really wish you would show something else in their relationship. I really wanna see how you make their story as unique as Capri's. I know that Lily did not like James but I really wanna see something else happen between them apart from Lily telling James to be quiet or go away. I hope you know what I mean. I really think that the predictable attitude of Lily needs to be avoided.

Marauders: As this is Marauder story and Capri is actually a friend of theirs, I think that their characters should have more depth. I haven't actually seen them jump out in the story yet. I think that the whole 'Marauder' aspect of the story does need work. Capri's friends, Emma, Nora and Lily, all have dynamic characters but the guys are barely noticeable here.

I think that this chapter overall, was a bit rushed. I mean, the whole paragraphs describing their classes and even some details of the Hogsmeade weekend weren't really necessary. I know that the trip had to mentioned because of Capri noticing Sirius' absence but then, it should've been better written to avoid the scenario feeling rushed. I hope you know what I mean. Also, I noticed that the girls took their letters to the Post Office to have them posted. Er, doesn't Hogwarts already have an Owlery for the students? Why would they need to take their letter out of Hogwarts when they have owls available inside?

Okay, I think that's it from me for this chapter. I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long review but I can't help it; I just had so much to say =P Hope what I wrote is of some help to you! =) Until next time, good luck, happy writing and most importantly, Happy New Year! =D =D =D

Author's Response: Hey! WHOA!!! THANK YOU for the amazing review. I LOVE long reviews! Love it !
Anyway, also want to thank you for all the advice you've given me. It helps a lot to have a different perspective.
I am working on getting more L/J interaction. Instead of incorporating them into the Capri/Sirius chapters I wanted to separate them out into different chapters. You'll see em in future chapters :) Remus and and Peter also will get involved in the future chapters but the first few are concentrated purely on Capri and Sirius and since Sirius POV hasn't come around yet it's hard to include the guys is incredibly close with.

Thank you for the great review! I really appreciate it and I'm incredibly sorry for the wait. You can blame me for taking a ill timed vacation and my unhealthy habit of procrastination for it :P
Thank you anyway and I'm truly sorry for the delay in replying.

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Review #59, by CloakAuror9 Unexpected Possibility

31st December 2011:
Ooohhh! The Vanishing Boy, eh? That made me laugh!

This chapter came across to me as a rather entertaining and funny one. The descriptions are great, there's no awkwardness and what-nots as I read through it.

I really like your characterisation of Capri. During the process if reading the chapter a few times I forgot that she was 11 year old. Her thoughts seem to work a little bit older for her age..hmm. Interesting!

Overall, I really like the story/chapter! 9/10 :)

CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Hey! Ok apparently reply through my phone is a no go since there isn't a reply here!!!
Anyway so sorry for the delay on replying, and thank you immensely for the review! I'm glad you like Capri and I intentionally have her thoughts being older than herself to help the character be more relatable.
Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #60, by Alyss Benefit of a Friend

29th December 2011:
Thank you for finally updating this story. I was beginning to think that you had given up on this story. You better give them a happy ending, they definately deserve one. :)
Keep updating please!

Author's Response: I'm sorry its taken me forever to update Alyss, it's writer's block i'm afraid. I'll soon sort it out and get more chapters in :) Hope you keep reading!

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Review #61, by HollyBerry Benefit of a Friend

26th December 2011:
I've missed this story sooo much. Update more, I can't get enough! :)

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much :D you made my day!

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Review #62, by Pattalack Benefit of a Friend

26th December 2011:
Aaahhh sorry I haven't reviewed before but I pretty much read this straight through! I really like what you're doing with the characters and how Peter isn't evil or stupid or hated from the beginning. This tension is getting to me so please update soon! Thanks for writing :)

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you very much! I'm so glad the story kept your interest right through. I'll try to post update soon :)

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Review #63, by lemonpeeps Life at 11

26th December 2011:
Reviewer here finally! I'm super behind and I'm sorry about that. But here's my review!

Interesting beginning, I like how you started out. I wish you would describe her house a bit more than just Victorian. Tell me what kind of moulding they used, what the color of the stairs are. Can we see some more personality behind her mother? Your flow was nice, I though it carried very well! Cheers!

Author's Response: Hey, Thanks a lot for reviewing :) I'll work on the detail. Thanks :)

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Review #64, by Anna Benefit of a Friend

22nd December 2011:
Amazing! I've been waiting for an update, but it was worth the wait. You write so good, and I loved the chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you so much love :) sorry it takes forever to update! Real life is extremely busy!

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Review #65, by IndigoLove Benefit of a Friend

20th December 2011:
Lovely story. Please do keep writing

Author's Response: Thank you so much hun :)

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Review #66, by GoldenSunset Crossing Borders

15th December 2011:
This is a really good story! keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Hope you keep reading :)

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Review #67, by apocalypse Iron Heart

6th December 2011:
And I'm back! So, since this is gonna be my last review for your current request, I thought that I'd address your areas of concern once again.

Plot development: I must say that as compared your first chapter, your plot has indeed developed tremendously! It's been only five years but it seems like it's been ages since I've reading this story; it's so familiar already =) The plot the essence of one's story and I must say that you've been able to capture that essence very well. There was a point in the first chapter where I had no idea where this story was going and to be honest, I had little hope for it's actual plot. However, as we've finally arrived here, I must say: Well done! Your story's first chapter and then this chapter don't seem like they're from the story at all! =P Your writing has improved noticeably and you've progressed very fast. It's an achievement to move on so fast and yet keep the pace from reaching the level that seems like its rushed. I'm very happy to see that it didn't seem like it was rushed at all. =)

Word choice: As I previously said, I like how you use the words. You've told us that she reads books so it's really not surprising to see her use her vocabulary in the narrative. Your story has a style of it's own because of it's wording which has made it unique and all the more familiar to me. Good job =)

Characterization: I see that you've worked hard on your characters. In this chapter particularly, Caprice's character was a lot more developed. She acted quite decently when she found out that he was running away. And while I'm at it there's this thing about this particular point of him running away: he didn't do in their fifth year. Sirius ran away when he was sixteen; in their sixth year. I'm pretty sure that that's the case, however, if I'm wrong, then I'm sorry =) Anyway, Sirius' character was much more defined in this chapter. It showed his side that's nice and barely naughty. I liked that fact of how he did not write to her =P Mean, I know, but it was important for his character =P So good job with that. =)

I liked how you made Caprice realise of her crush in this chapter and did not let it drag. Otherwise it would've gotten pointless. I want to see how she takes control of it in the upcoming chapters.

I had one confusion relating to the timeline. Four years have passed so that means they're starting there fifth year, right? If Sirius invented that charm in their third then how come they've been using it for THREE years? Shouldn't it be two years? That's the only confusion. I'm sorry if I sound stupid =P I'm sleepy and my brain's fuzzy otherwise my math ain't that bad =P

Reader interest: Well, what can I say? My sooo long reviews and the number of reviews you already have says it all =P You have been extremely successful in capturing the interest of people! That's an ability were less people and one that I crave to possess =P You're lucky and a very good writer who has done a very good job with words! Keep it up! =)

Overall, a very good chapter to a very VERY good story! I like how you've executed your idea and hope to review more of it in the future! =) Until then, Good luck and Happy Writing! =DD

Author's Response: Thank you so much Apocalypse, for the numerous wonderful reviews, all the help you've given me, the advice, and the amazing praise! I am truly humbled! :) I'm so very glad that you liked this story and despite its first chapter took a chance on it :)

To clear up the doubts, firstly about Sirius: just like Hermione, Sirius in my story is nearly a year older than his classmates, Capri, James and Lily. He was born in 1959 (instead of 1960) but being a September born he was on eleven when letters were sent out in 1970, but turned 11 after the term began and so had to join the next batch of students the following year. While James, Capri, Remus, Peter and Lily are all 15 yrs old at 5th year, Sirius is actually 16 :) Hope that clears it up!

Secondly yes it should be two years, its an error i've already edited it and resubmitted the chapter :)

Thank you so much again:) I will certainly be back for more reviews in the future! Thanks for reading :):)

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Review #68, by apocalypse Vanishing Charm

6th December 2011:
Hey, this is apocalypse here with another review!

So, this chapter was where she discovers everything, eh? =D Well I have to say that you did a pretty good job in saying it all in one chapter. However, I have to tell you that I felt that this was rushed a little bit. I mean, yes, she described many things: Filch, Peeves, the stairs and the new friends she had made; but what about the more important stuff? The teachers? Dumbledore? The lessons overall? I, as a HP reader know all that but you have to think from the point of view of a beginner. SHE hasn't seen this all before so there should be a sense of awe and that feeling of ecstasy that I just wasn't able to see anywhere. I hope you know what i mean..

Moving on: I really liked that scene between Caprice and Sirius. It was like a typical pair of people who are destined to be together =P I loved how she brought back the memory of him screaming and used it as her weapon against him. Really shows how you've planned it all out.. Very well done! =) Also, I just noticed that with this conversation you have showed how brilliantly you have made Capri a part of the Marauder world. I barely remembered that she's an OC. It's like she's part of the original group. So that's a very big achievement! =)

The end! I have to tell you that when I read that line, I almost died inside! I was like nooo! Please don't let this be a sad part! What happened? Why is she saying that? =P And as I am being so blatantly honest here, I might as well tell you that when I read the line I couldn't stop myself and actually went forward and read the next chapter BEFORE coming back and reviewing this one =P Seriously. And as you'll be wondering what I thought about that one, I'll just say one line: (as I'm gonna give a detailed review on it there) I'm not disappointed =)

Very good chapter once again! =D

Author's Response: Thank you so much again! :D I feel like I should say it as often as possible (these reviews are amazing!) Yes I agree the details were rushed a bit but it is mainly because I wanted to create the image of how she is constantly surprised by the things she sees at Hogwarts and she's trying to absorb it in and not question it too much. That and also it was a little quick-review sort of thing because readers tend to get bored when reading about things they are very familiar with from the books :/ I will try to make it more realistic though with how she reacts to new people and situations.

And the compliments of Caprice! Ah I'm on cloud no 9 :P seriously it is just incredible to know that she is a good character on her own and also as part of the story. I can't believe you could feel like she was part of the original canon! I'm so thrilled!!!
Hehehe the general idea i was hoping for is people to move onto the next chapter with the same enthusiasm :) I'm glad it worked on you. Glad you're not disappointed :D

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Review #69, by CloakAuror9 Life at 11

6th December 2011:
A quick apology for taking 'forever' to get this review done.

Moving on...

This story is fantastic! Very fantastic!

The way you opened up this story is very strange yet unique. Also, I think it was really great of you to write this story since its a whole lot's a bit 'out-there' and I don't think I will ever encounter a story like this ever again so I'm really curious on how it's going to turn out.

Also, I must admit that I am still puzzled on how the plot is going to work since you only gave small hints as to where the story is going but I can safely say that it will have much to do with Sirius, correct?

The word choice is really great and it matched with the type of story you have here. It was also descriptive which made the story work for me.

Overall, I think you did a pretty good job! This story was really excellent!

Ta-ta for now,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Hey, everyone's busy this time of the year, no apology needed :)
WOW! Thank you so much! I've got this huge grin on my face right now lol :) Thanks for the amazing compliments I'm so glad you liked it and yes it has MUCH to do with Sirius :)

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Review #70, by apocalypse Belonged

6th December 2011:
Hey, this is apocalypse, here with your review!

Firstly, an excellent chapter! =) It had a very good flow and gave a lot of new information. I like how you've written the story from Caprice's point of view as she describes everything in her own unique way. I like it.

Characterization: Caprice is very good character. Her character is in the works but it seems like its already developed. She's an eleven year old young girl but the word she uses and the way she describes things is quite unique and so childlike that I constantly enjoy reading her =D You really have a strong character there that I already know is pretty famous already =P Really good job with that! =) Sirius: I love him already! His character wasn't described much but the way you DID describe him from Capri's point of view was awesome! =D I really liked it. His sense of humour is spot on. I can totally imagine his eleven-year-old version being like that =D My favourite line EVER: '"So, what's your name Jill?" his smirk grew wider.' this may sound so stupid but I have to tell you that I laughed so much at it that I actually had to clutch my stomach in the end! =D Seriously, BRILLIANT! =DD

Moving on: Lily: Well, to be honest, I would've thought that her character would have been more dynamic; more noticeable. I mean, I'm reviewing her character but I barely remember how she was written. I know she ain't the main character of the story but still she's a very important part of the HP series so naturally everyone expects her character's description to be much more than just that.. I hope you know what I mean =) Severus: Again, his character was written very well. You only described his actions yet, they told all about his character. So good job there =)

Your level of description is very good. However, I have to say that being eleven and being as observant as Capri is, you'd expect the description to be more than usual. Her character requires more description. Also, I noticed that she was noticing everyone like she'd notice them for the first time and that's fine. But what happened when Prof McGonagall came? She just stated her arrival and did not describe her as she saw her or even say that she was intimidated or anything. Hope you see my point and work on it =)

Apart from the above mentioned points, I loved this chapter! It was very well written, despite the few grammatical errors, and I enjoyed reading it.. Good job! =)

Author's Response: Hey again! Thank you so so much again for coming by to review once more :) I'm so glad you liked Sirius and Caprice. They are after all the main focus and to know that they've been introduced and developed well means the world really :) And I am so happy that you found the David- Jill banter entertaining :D hehe.

About Lily, yes, she's intentionally kept subdued in the chapters because I wanted people to be comfortable with the main pair Sirius and Caprice before everything got crowded with the rest of the characters not to mention the throng of OCs! Lily does come into frequent view in the following chapters and later becomes an integral part of the story I assure you :)

Thank you for the insight you've given me about seeing Hogwarts though a newcomer's eyes, I never know where to draw the line between too much detail and too less. Anyway your advice is very helpful and I intend to edit the chapter later to include more of Capri's first impressions.

Thank you so so much! Your review was most helpful and very encouraging! Thanks doesn't really cover it! :) :)

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Review #71, by javct Belonged

5th December 2011:
Back again!

The plot is coming along really good now and your characterisation is really good. You have kept Sirus, Caprice in character throughout the story and Lily is perfectly canon :) It was also interesting to see Caprice talk with Severus. I wonder if they become friends (probably not haha).

This story has kept me interested so far. I like how you have started when they first start Hogwarts, very different from the other Sirus/OC stories where they begin when the characters are 16, 17

Just one thing, I thought that the sorting hat would say more, but that's just me and this is your story :)

Good luck with the rest of your story, it has really good potential. Feel free to re-request :)
*jaz, 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks jaz for coming back again :) I'm glad you enjoyed the characterizations and especially Lily who is hard to write because of all the different versions of her out there!

Anyhow I started this story on a whim wondering what if Sirius's neighbour had magic too? Since it was essential to get that part cleared up I had to go to the beginning when they were kids and in the end it all worked out and people seemed to like the young version of the characters :D Glad you did too :)

The first draft actually included a lot more detailed sorting with and actual original Sorting Hat song but after reading it I felt it distracted from the story a bit so I proceeded to edit it out.

Thanks so much Jaz for reviewing! I will definitely be back for more reviews :)

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Review #72, by javct Unexpected Possibility

5th December 2011:

This chapter was really good as well. Your imagery was brilliant in this chapter; I could imagine everything that was happening. The part with Sirus, "The Vanishing Boy" made me laugh.

The plot is coming along nicely, I can already see their first meeting. The dialogue in this chapter is really good, not awkward at all (some stories I read have really awkward dialogue).

One question, is Caprice's mother/father a squib or a secret witch/wizard because her Aunt is a witch and Caprice seemed shocked when she found out about Witches and Wizards
Anyway, great chapter :)
*jaz, 10/10

Author's Response: hey again! :) Thank you so much and glad you found that vanishing boy as funny as i intended :) I find humour not to be my strong suit :/
Umm wow, no one's asked me that before about her parents and to be honest I haven't thought about it much! I tend to develop the plot as it goes along. For now I have no idea if her parents are magically related. But if the plot calls for it I suppose changes could take place :) Its just her aunt who she knows who has magic for now.

Thanks so much jaz for the review and the fab rating! :D

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Review #73, by javct Life at 11

5th December 2011:
Here with your review!
Very interesting start to the story. Your take on Sirus is very different and refreshing. I know he's only 11 but still.

The word choice in this story was very good :) Honestly, I thought that this was the female main character point of view, until I read the last sentence. You also wrote it formally, but not so formally that I couldn't understand what you were trying to say; which is what some authors do.

Your characterisation is good so far, not that I can really comment. Once again, your take on Sirus is a different one. I wonder if it is going to stay...

This story has got me hooked, can't wait to see what happens next :)
*jaz, 10/10

Author's Response: Hey javct.
So firstly thanks immensely for coming by to review Caprice :) Umm well you're feelings were right about the main character :) It is indeed a female main OC. I intentionally refrained from naming her and personalising her in the first chapter which is more of a prologue, to give the story a bit of a quirk at the start. Sorry if it was misleading, she is actually living in No. 11 Grimmauld Place as Sirius's neighbour ( since he lives in No. 12) which becomes clearer later :)
So thrilled that you are hooked though :D sorry if there was some confusion.
Thank you very very much for reviewing :)

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Review #74, by apocalypse Unexpected Possibility

4th December 2011:
Hey, I'm back!

Well, this was definitely a better chapter! A very very good chapter actually! I had fun reading it =D

I loved the way how she could not believe that there was an owl in her room. Hehe it was described brilliantly! I could totally see any human feel the same way! =D

The way you introduced Sirius was awesome! I couldn't stop grinning and then laughing =D Seriously, very good work.

I like you've explained her being magical. Aunt Agatha seems like a very nice person and has the same character that Capri described her as. She's supportive, caring and very sweet. I liked her =)

Capri! Wow, her character is really well written. I like how you've focused on writing her character as an eleven year old's. Her mind works just like an eleven year old's. However, I noticed that she comprehended things very quickly even though they were quite unbelievable. That shows that going to grow up to be quite intelligent and a sharp little girl =D I like her..

An awesome chapter! You've DEFINITELY captured my interest now! Your writing style is very good and I can't wait to come back for more =D

Author's Response: Hey again :) Thank you so much again for the raving review! These really made my day! I am so thrilled that you enjoyed the chapter and that you found both Sirius and Caprice interesting and entertaining :)
So glad the story has grabbed your attention! Thanks loads! :D

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Review #75, by apocalypse Life at 11

4th December 2011:
Hey! This is apocalypse here with your review!

Wow, it's a considerably small chapter but I have a lot to say on it =P

Plot: well, to be honest, there is no plot in the story yet. I mean you haven't given any significant detail so as to make sure that your readers know that there's a plot that you're gonna build your story on. However, that being said, I have to say that the chapter had some clues that made it easier to guess as to how the story is gonna shape up. For instance, the last sentence of the chapter clearly shows that the narrator will have something to do with the Blacks in the near future. So, due to that minor detail, you have given a very good clue about your plot =D

Word choice: Your word choice id very good. I like how the narrator uses her words. It shows that she really is young and and an introspective person who spends a lot of time on her own. It also shows that she has indeed picked up a lot of words from the books she reads =P

Characterization: This was such a unique beginning to the story seeing as it barely had any detail. You did not describe anything much and I think that that was why the characters were very vague. The mother's character sounded like a very status conscious person's character. On the other hand, the narrator is adventurous, funny and likes to read books. Seeing as she is the main character at least in this chapter, I think you did a good job by saying less and at the same time giving us hints so as to easily interpret your words. Very good job =)

Reader's interest: You definitely have grabbed my attention! This was such a unique start to the story that I really want to know how you take it forward! =) Your writing style is really very good =) Also, the sentence that you ended made sure that your readers come back! It's intriguing to read a story from the point of view of the Blacks' neighbours! A really very unique idea and I can't wait to read how to proceed with this =D

Author's Response: Hey apocalypse :) Thank you so much for coming by to review Caprice. I love your review! You gave me so much encouragement with your amazing compliments and praise! I'm so glad you enjoyed Capri's characterization :) Thank you so so much!

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