Reading Reviews for Caprice
  
460 Reviews Found

Review #26, by DracoFerret11 The Weasel

22nd May 2012:
It's me again! UGGGHHH. WHAT AN ANNOYING CHAPTER AFTER THE LAST ONE.

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few issues with spelling/grammar, but nothing chapter-killing. You can probably catch the mistakes if you do a quick read through.

Characterization: I HATE THIS SIRIUS. I HATE HIM SO MUCH! UGH. You have no idea how angry I am with him right now. I can't stand how he's behaving. I definitely wasn't expecting this. I'm SO on Capri's side now. She can beat him senseless and I won't care. Part of me hopes this isn't even Sirius. They ARE brewing Polyjuice, after all...maybe someone stole some. I doubt it.

Descriptions: I think you did well enough to let this chapter translate. I got enough to know what was going on. I'm still furious with Sirius. Ugh.

Emotions: Well...I feel frustration. So, I think that's what Caprice is feeling. So...well-translated. I'm furious with Sirius. He's such a pig all of the sudden! UGHHH. (Do you feel my anger? 'Cause I don't think I'm hiding it too well...)

Plot: WHAT THE HECK? Sirius is NOT like this! He can't do this. It'll ruin everything! This was a well-written chapter, as always, but I'm still upset at how things are going now. :/ Though, I LOVED the line, "Sometimes pieces of our world crash down so fast it feels for a moment as if youre free falling through space. Where gravity still has no hold on you and reality is a bleak horizon you can choose not to believe in. Only for a moment..." Very good job. I feel really bad for what Caprice has to go through now, with Sirius being crazy.

Interactions: Ugh. Sirius. Just...no. The Quidditch training scene made me want to punch him in the face. He was so rude to Cappie. And if that Mia girl really tells Jason that this was Cappie's fault, I'm going to be really upset. I feel so bad for Caprice. If Jason ditches her right now, it'll just make things that much worse. I don't even LIKE Jason, but now he's one of Cappie's only supports.

Pacing: Well, the plot took a curve again! I can't believe that Sirius is acting like this. I'm so frustrated. I wonder how things are going to ever improve after this. :/

Well done, again. And thank you so much for mentioning me in your dedication! :] I'm really touched. Please come back to the review thread and request again once you've updated. I would love to read more. :D

--Emily

Author's Response: I LOVE that your frustration and anger is showing in practically every single line! haha don't fret my dear, you'll see Sirius be more himself in the future chapters.

Also not all people have healthy ways of dealing with issues. I suppose I thought it was pretty realistic for Sirius to be a world-class jerk when things weren't going his way and he clearly wasn't getting the girl (although this is not going to help at all!) So by all mean take a bat to his head but just know that the situation is temporary and someone will knock sense into him preferably without scarring him permanently :)


 Report Review

Review #27, by DracoFerret11 Benefit of a Friend

22nd May 2012:
Hey...it's me again. This chapter was just...I have no words. I'm going to think of some, but right now...I feel like crying. I feel like crying so, so much. Let's start with simple things and then move to other thoughts:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few grammar errors (like once you used "you're" instead of "your"), but other than that, I didn't see anything too awful.

Characterization: So much happened in this chapter. Let's start with the easy ones--as always, I love the Marauders. I feel really bad for Remus. He's having such a hard time. Peter's quite good, too. I love that you haven't ignored him. He's actually pretty sweet. And James is wonderful. I was surprised to see that he hasn't told his friends about how much he loves Lily. I would have thought he would be asking them ways to convince her to be with him. But he was so sad when Sirius was talking about Lily. His embarassment and sadness really gave him depth. It was great.

Now, Sirius and Caprice. Just...wow. This story always strikes me during chapters like this one. Sirius was absolutely wonderful, as always. His friendship with Caprice is so amazing. He just...he loves her so much. And he puts her first, even though it hurts him. And just...wow. My emotions are so vivid right now. It's so sad. He's the nicest character ever, and he's hurting because of her. And she's not fixing it. And that's just depressing.

Caprice is wonderful as well. I'm glad you mentioned that she was conflicted in that moment where she felt like kissing Sirius, but remembers Jason. JASON: GTFO. SERIOUSLY. Moving on: I really love your characters, all of them. And Caprice just...she needs to get with Sirius. He WILL treat her right. I know he will. And just...wow. I'm so sad right now!

Emotions: EMOTIONS. YES. THOSE THINGS. PAIN. SADNESS. Okay...but really, I loved how much this chapter made me feel. I think you did an amazing job of translating everyone's emotions, from Remus's amazing friendship with Sirius to Sirius's sadness when it comes to Cappie and how he can't be with her. I just...I felt everything and it was wonderful. You did a terrific job.

Plot: Why aren't they together? :'[ Tears. But I love the plot development. You're doing wonderfully in showing the suspense and emotions of all the characters. I wish Caprice and Sirius were together, but I understand why they aren't yet. :/ Great job with pacing. Wonderful job with flow, especially with switching between points of view. I like that you've brought the war into the story. Good job.

Interactions: These are, by far, the best part of the story. I love that I can see the friendships between everyone. I ADORE the interaction between Sirius and Remus, and I really liked the conversation between Sirius and Capri, even though it made me want to cry. Overall, though, you did a really amazing job, as always. I love what you're doing with this story.

This was an absolutely wonderful chapter. You impress me with how realistic these emotions are. I'll read more soon, after I stop feeling like crying.

--Emily

 Report Review

Review #28, by DracoFerret11 Black Christmas

21st May 2012:
Me again, dear. :]

Continuity: At this point, the boys are only fifteen. I can understand if they've learned to apparate (I'm not sure the Ministry has controls on that), but they wouldn't be able to do magic (like when Peter uses the "Alohomora") outside of school. The Trace is still on them, so the Ministry would know and they'd be in deep trouble.

Characterization: Caprice isn't brave anymore, haha. She's TERRIFIED of Reg. Whose characterization I'm not sure of. I understand that he's not a nice kid, but he's fourteen right now. He didn't join the Death Eaters until he was sixteen, and nobody knew about the Horcruxes, so why does he think that locket is important? (I might be getting weighed down in canon, haha) Anywayyy. I love the Marauders. I like that you touched on the fact that none of them considered just how serious Remus's transformations were until they saw them. Well done.

Descriptions: I think you did beautifully the whole chapter. The scene at the beginning was very dramatic, then the Marauders part was incredibly detailed. Great job.

Emotions: I really felt Caprice's fear of Regulus at the beginning. Very evident. And I felt the Marauders disappointment when their plans didn't go exactly as they wanted. The emotions brought things to life. I liked them a lot.

Plot: WELL. I'm interested to see what's going on with Regulus and Sirius! And for goodness sake! That Jason guy needs to gtfo. Srsly. Haha, but really: I don't like him. I want him to go away so Sirius can have Caprice and they can be together like they're supposed to be!

Interactions: Awesome interaction between the Black brothers and then the Marauders later on. I love that you aren't ignoring Peter or making him a creepy weirdo. I hate when Marauders-Era stories do that. He was their FRIEND. And you're portraying that wonderfully. You did, however, fall into the cliche about Remus always eating chocolate, haha.

You're doing wonderfully. I'll review again soon. Keep up the great work!

--Emily

 Report Review

Review #29, by DracoFerret11 Miles from Normal

21st May 2012:
Hey, it's me again! This was such a beautiful chapter. I'm really touched by how sweet it is. I just...I have no words. This was wonderful.

Characterization: Caprice was BRAVE in this chapter! Wow, Gryffindor qualities! I actually really liked it. And I loved Lily's bravery too. Well done. I think that Sirius is the best friend ever. His characterization brings tears to my eyes. I absolutely love how you portray him.

Descriptions: This chapter was just jam-packed with action and you really brought it to life. I could feel everything that was happening and see it all. It was dramatic and scary and wonderful. You did a great job.

Emotions: Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I've mentioned this before, but this is the best I've ever seen Sirius written. He's wonderful. I love how much depth you give his character and how sweet he is. I could really feel his pain when he thought Caprice was dead. And I could feel HER guilt when she FINALLY realizes what an amazing friend he is. Great, great job. And I loved the tumultous emotions centering around Nora being so injured. You did a very, very good job. This is one of your best chapters yet.

Plot: WOW. Just...wow. This chapter was explosive. I was on the edge of my seat wondering what would happen with the Death Eaters and why they were there and what they were looking for and what would happen to Nora and just...OH MY GOSH. It was great. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Interactions: The moments between Lily and Cappie were really great. It was surprising for me to see Caprice being the one to tell Lily to run for it. And I'm REALLY happy that James was there to save Lily. And my all-time favorite parts are the ones between Caprice and Sirius. They are hands-down the best moments. INCREDIBLY sweet. They make me shiver. I LOVE how you portray their friendship.

Style: Beautiful as always, my dear. You're doing a terrific job.

Pacing: Ohmgoshconflict. Conflict to the extreme. I wonder what will happen next when the plot suddenly EXPLODED. WOW.

This was an absolutely wonderful chapter. You did so, so well.

--Emily

 Report Review

Review #30, by hogwartschick22 The Weasel

11th May 2012:
Oh my gosh you have to update really reall soon!

Author's Response: Will do! Thank you :)

 Report Review

Review #31, by DracoFerret11 Hogsmeade

9th May 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums back to review for you after far too long! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were several errors that I noticed as I read this very long chapter. I think you'll catch them if you read through it or have a beta check it out. They're nothing terrible, but they are there.

Continuity Issues: 1. The Marauders never knew about the Room of Requirement. It wasn't on the Marauders Map. Hence, they never knew about its existence. 2. When Sirius comes to see Caprice in the middle of the night, she checks the time on her alarm clock. Alarm clocks wouldn't work in Hogwarts. :]

Characterization: I loved Sirius in this chapter. He's so sweet and sad. I felt awful for him. I really hate that he's hurting. You portray him so well that I definitely feel bad for him when he's upset. And Caprice was starting to think of letting him back in which I'm really happy about. I'm glad that she sees that she's been unfair to him. You showed that in a very realistic way.

Descriptions: I think you did very well with the scene at the end of the chapter. I was really surprised that something like that happened. I can't believe it! And Nora. Oh my gosh. I have no words.

Emotions: I mentioned that Sirius' emotions are really striking, and I should add that the panic at the end of the chapter was incredibly poignant. It was very realistic and dramatic and horrifying. Great job.

Plot: Things are moving along. I can't wait for Caprice and Sirius to get back to being friends already! And get together, for goodness sakes! But the real plot element that I'm obviously focusing on is the Death Eater attack. I can't believe that they attacked Hogsmeade. What on Earth is going to happen to all those people? I wonder who else is injured or dead. Ah! :[

Interactions: When Sirius came to talk to Caprice, I almost creid. I felt so bad for him. I hate that he gave up. She had better explain herself really well so that he's her friend again. Because he's awesome. And she needs him. Ugh.

Style: Beautiful job with that attack scene. You're doing wonderfully.

Pacing: I'm glad things are picking up again after a couple of filler chapters. I'm really excited to see what happens next.

You're doing great. I'm sorry for the delay between my reviews. I'll read the next chapter soon, I promise. :]

--Emily

 Report Review

Review #32, by DracoFerret11 Faceoff

29th April 2012:
Me again. Wah! I'm so sad! This just...wow. I'm just completely depressed about this chapter. It shouldn't happen like this! I want them to be together, not fight! This is so awful! :[

Okay, reviewing now instead of complaining:

Characterization: Wonderful, as always. I love the dynamic between Caprice and Sirius. It's so realistic. She's lost her patience with him, and I get that. It's so sad to read though, when I know that he loves her.

Descriptions: The emotions here were riveting. They made me want to cry. I can feel how hurt she is, but I still just want her to forgive him. I know it doesn't work that way, but I still want it to...

Plot: Things are royally messed up now. You're moving the plot along so well. I was glad you brought up the disappearances in the last chapter, so that's good. And emotionally, things are just going haywire. I can't wait to see if things get better or worse from here. It's so sad right now!

Interactions: The fight between Caprice and Jason was so sad. I didn't want him to be hurt, but I DO want Sirius to be with Caprice. Though, right now, that's not looking positive. THEIR fight (between Caprice and Sirius) was awful. I could almost see the whole thing. I've had friendships like this before, so I know how much it sucks. You're doing a great job showing all the emotions connected to this. Keep up the good work.

Style: You know I love your style, haha. I adore it. Everything is so raw and realistic. Beautiful.

I just want everything to be okay again. :[ I hope it is soon. This is sad.

--Emily

Author's Response:
Hi again Emily!

I know, I'm so sorry about the depressing heart-breaking part of the chapter but it was needed! :(
I'm Sorry!

I know that this was sort of turning thing around 180 degrees but you would have seen why in the next chapters. It was needed for the plot.

You always tell me the emotions are great, and every time I am thankful because as much as I like writing it, it's hard to write it without seeming to be repetative.
Yes the plot is royally messed up and things aren't looking good for Capri and Sirius. Afraid things will get a bit worse before they get better. I shouldn't but I'm really enjoying the bumpy road they are on! :/
Thank you so so much as always for your time and dedicated reviewing :)


 Report Review

Review #33, by DracoFerret11 Lost

29th April 2012:
Hey there! It's me again. I know it's been MONTHS since I've reviewed, but things have been busy. I'm back now and I'll continue to review as often as possible. So, let's get started:

Characterization: This was another great chapter, of course. It's sad to see Caprice and Sirius not being together. Jason's not good enough for her. That's disappointing. And Regulus! I've always been fond of him, so it's sad to see him all creepy and weird here, but it's not surprising. He probably wasn't the nicest guy in school. He's so sinister! ICK.

Descriptions: you described how Caprice was feeling very well. It's always a pleasure to see emotions portrayed so realistically.

Plot: I wonder what will happen next! Will Sirius be really angry about Regulus' creepiness? Will Caprice second-guess her choices? Will Jason just GO AWAY? I don't know, but you have me wondering!

Interactions: The only part that was a bit odd was the interaction between Caprice and James/Sirius when they were angry at Snape. It was strange to see her convince James not to hex Snape. Odd...Other than that, though, things were great. I really loved how eeire Regulus was. Well done!

Pacing: Well done, but I can't wait for them to get together! It's such a long time! :[ Okay, I'm done whining.

Last thought: pygmy puffs don't exist yet. Fred and George bred them. They're actually just miniature puffskeins. So...a puffskein WOULD exist at this time.

Anyhow, great chapter. I'll read the next one ASAP.

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey Emily!
I’s sorry its taken ages for me to respond to this great review! I’ve been busy trying to update all the WIPs I’ve put on hold because of RL and loads of other stuff. Anyway, thank you so much for coming back again to review my story.
I know but I’m building Sirius and Cappie slowly and I want them to develop individually as characters as much as the story needs them to build together as a couple. Everything has its own time. And yes, Jason is a complication for Sirius/Capri but, well I’m sure I’ll read your thoughts in the future chapters :P
I love that you are just as crazy about emotions as I am. For me it makes the story real. And I’m glad you think mine are realistic in the chapters you read.
I have plans for Regulus too which actually recently surfaced and I’ve included into the plot (maybe even after you posted this review) I hope that the road Jason and Capri are taking become clearer with the next few chapters.
Caprice isn’t very violent and she cares just as much about James as she does Sirius. She didn’t want them in trouble and so she didn’t let them hex Snape. She’s not a “maraudette” to put it bluntly. She’s one of the girls but plays Quidditch with the guys and in love (well was,) with her best friend.
I’m really glad you loved Regulus though, I’m pretty nervous about writing his character. I see him as a shady unpredictable person and I’m not sure how to bring that into the words. But I’m still happy that you liked his eerie behavior! :)
And thanks for the point-out of the Pygmy puff mistake! I will be correcting that soon :)
Thank you so much for reviewing Em! On to the next! :D


 Report Review

Review #34, by hedwigs_theme Belonged

6th April 2012:
Hi!

Description:

I love how you described Caprices' feelings of embarrassment, nervousness, shock etc. I also love how you described the great hall and the people that she met.

Storyline:

The storyline is fine, so you have nothing to worry about.

Characterization:

I really like how in every chapter, you tell us extra things about Caprice, until now I feel like I know her personally!

Other Thoughts:

I also enjoyed reading about the time she spent with her aunt before she left for Hogwarts, and her feeling towards her parents.


Keep up the good work!

9/10 again!

Author's Response: Hey again,
Thank you so much for all the reviews and the encouragement! Really means so much. I'm glad you liked the way the story progressed and I hope you read on. Thanks so much again!


 Report Review

Review #35, by hedwigs_theme Unexpected Possibility

6th April 2012:
oooh I love this chapter!

Sorry that it has taken me so long to review. I have closed my review thread because it was getting out of hand, but I am going to continue reviewing everyone's story that was on my waiting list.

A fantastic chapter, where you let your readers discover more about Caprice and the plot. I also really loved it when you worked Sirius into the chapter!

Will read chapter 3 when I have time.

9/10!

Author's Response: Aww its a shame you closed the thread, but I know it can get a bit out of hand sometimes. I'm glad you liked this chapter, it's where things begin to form a plot. :)
Thanks again for reviewing


 Report Review

Review #36, by hedwigs_theme Life at 11

13th March 2012:
Oh my goodness when I read the last line my mouth just dropped open with surprise! Wow! :)

A very short yet descriptive chapter, although it was a prologue so its meant to be short!

9/10 fantastic and cann't wait to read the next 3 chapters!

Author's Response: :D Thank you so much! I can't wait for you to read the next three either! lol Lemme know what you think of them :)

 Report Review

Review #37, by luna_lovely The Weasel

10th March 2012:
i am in love with this story!!! uurrrgggh its so funny! i love it! cant wait for the update

Author's Response: There is much more to come! I'm so glad you like it and I hope you do return for more :) Thank you so much for the review!

 Report Review

Review #38, by bookworm_hermione The Weasel

2nd March 2012:
That was AWESOME
i could practically feel Capri's anger
PLEASE continue the story
it's epic

Author's Response: I will!! Thank you VERY much for such an enthusiastic review! xx

 Report Review

Review #39, by angelicdemon1209 Life at 11

25th February 2012:
Grimmauld Place!
But I thought No.13 was unplottable and people can't see it..?

Author's Response: I guess you missed it... she's at No. 11. Sirius is at No. 12 but cannot be seen because it's enchanted so, so she sees the No. 13 which is again another muggle ordinary house. :)

 Report Review

Review #40, by Alyss The Weasel

21st February 2012:
Hi!
While I like the tone of this chapter, I think if Sirius is doing what I (and probably many others) think he is doing, it is a little too obvious. It was FUN!

Author's Response: It was meant to be a little obvious, but don't worry, he has his reasons and they will soon come to light. Glad you found it entertaining though :) Hope you keep reading!

 Report Review

Review #41, by Dizzy73 The Weasel

15th February 2012:
Punch him! Capri, please do punch him. >)

Author's Response: I'll pass the message on :P Hope you keep reading :) Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #42, by Elenia The Weasel

14th February 2012:
Hey! I finally got the chance to read all of this! I've been too busy writing (x

But I'm so glad I did because you're an amazing writer! You truly are! This was just awesome! Though I wasn't expecting anything else since Heaven Can Wait is so awesome too!

I really like Capri. She's a great character, you've done a good job on her. And Sirius too, I think he's very true to his character. But poor guys! They really don't seem to get a break, do they? Something always goes wrong between those two.

I like it that you've told the story from both pov's. It makes this much more interesting as we can see what the other one is going trough too!

The whole story is really interesting. I loved all the twists in the plot from the very beginning. So great job! It flowed very well and was captivating. I couldn't stop reading. And I can't wait for the next chapter, so I hope you will update this soon!

Author's Response: Elenia! I love your reviews and I love that you like my stories so much.

I really hope you enjoy this one just as much as Heaven Can Wait :) Hope the plot keeps you interested and hope you return for the next chapter :)
Thank you so much for reading love and thank you for reviewing! xx


 Report Review

Review #43, by loony_lovegood101 The Weasel

14th February 2012:
hey!!
:D love the playful banter.totally epic.still dont know if i like jerk sirius that much, but its pretty cute. i cannot wait for them to be together :D
till next time

lOny

Author's Response: Thank you so much love :) I'm glad you like the playfulness of the chapter, their reactions toward each other are usually more intense so I thought I'd go in a different direction for a bit.

 Report Review

Review #44, by doglover Benefit of a Friend

13th February 2012:
so i'm a tad confuzzled about that ending...

Author's Response: :/ hopefully it'll be more clear in the future chapters, its a very impulsive thing I went with turning Sirius into a arrogant playboy overnight, you'll see him and Capri talking about it later, don't worry despite appearances their friendship isn't dead. :) Whoops I think I'm giving away too much!

 Report Review

Review #45, by DracoFerret11 Closure

1st February 2012:
Hey...it's me again. And I want you to know that I feel like crying! Just...ugh. The end of this just makes me want to cry. I hate it! I hate it. Just...ugh. I'm so upset. :[ You have no idea. So...I'm gonna talk about lines in this chapter that made me ridiculously impressed:

1. "I had... considered, reconsidered and concluded."

2. "I wanted so badly to reach out and grab her hand, to pull her back, to ask her not to leave. Not like this."

3. "We were meant to be more than friends. Sometimes it takes the sudden realisation of how incredibly ignorant and stupid one can be before you realise how much you want to hold on to the one person youre letting go of."

Those just...wow. So many lines in this chapter were incredible and ending with the Snow Patrol lyrics was perfection. Those lines stood out though. I guess we'll talk about your concerns though, then I'll go back to gushing:

Characterization: I can't describe how wonderful this was in this chapter. Getting both their points of view and seeing how different things were and how very, very similar was incredible. I actually felt really, really sad for both of them. Things just...didn't work out yet. And that's awful, but this was so well-written that I really don't have comments about that. I'm impressed. All the characters were flawless here.

Interactions: they're the best friends I've seen written in a very long time. I don't know if I've added this story to my favorites yet, but if I haven't, this chapter sealed it. I nearly cried when they were talking on the pitch together. Just...ah, perfection. No words.

Believability: positively flawless. This chapter, with its many twists and "almosts" was so realistic that it elicited real emotions from me, as I've mentioned. I swear! My heart actually ACHES right now! That's ridiculously impressive.

Flow and pace: fine. Wonderful. Take your pick. I'm still reeling from everything this chapter made me feel.

Back to gushing: it was incredible, it really was. I can't believe that this is simply fanfiction. I hope that you do something more than this in your writing career; I can easily see myself reading a book that can show emotions like these. I am so, so impressed. You've done a beautiful job here and my only fear is that the following chapters won't make me feel the same way. I truly hope they do. Great job. I'll read chapter eleven ASAP.

--Emily

Author's Response: Emily, you've officially stunned me speechless with this review! I am SO overwhelmed by all your praise! Oh my GOSH!!! *blushing insanely*
You have no idea what it means to me to hear all this. That you can feel what they feel and you are with them in that moment! I can't believe what I'm reading! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Oh God what else can I say!?? This was a beautiful heartfelt and amazing review and its reviews like these that make me battle forward with this story through writer's block and through... everything.
I share my writing here because it's my escape. I love it and I sometimes sit and write letting it all just flow, sometimes i write pages before leaving it because it was just a good ride for me, and a place to take a break from real life and escape it. In fact Caprice's first chapter, started that way. A moment when I wanted to take a breather and I just sat down and started writing. That's why no matter how many people tell me this story should have a better start I cant bring myself to scratch it because that's where it all started :)
I am truly sorry if the following chapters let you down, but I hope you believe in them enough to know these moments will return at some point. I am humbled by all your wonderful memorable and thoughtful compliments and I am so glad I came by to ask this story to be reviewed because hearing a story be appreciated like this is the height of glory for the anonymous authour :)
Thank you once more Emily, for showing such love for my work.
Till next time.
~Pen2Paper


 Report Review

Review #46, by DracoFerret11 Crossing Borders

21st January 2012:
Mmkay, hello again! Don't forget to respond to the reviews I leave! :] I hope you're doing well, so we'll just jump right into the review. Let's go!

Characterization: Well, here there was a lot of Capri and Sirius, as well as this Jason fellow. Capri herself is wonderfully believable which I love. I'm so glad you're avoiding Mary-Sue land. I absolutely LOVED the ending of this chapter. She's right to feel bad about imagining that she was kissing Sirius, and I totally understand why she's so conflicted. Sirius himself is perfect here. He's trying to figure out his feelings and avoiding his best friend seems like a good idea, even after he's so sweet to her when she has a hangover. He's a good friend, but he's hurt right now so I completely agree with how he's acting. And Jason...hm. I don't know what to think of him. I'm torn between thinking he's just a nice guy who stumbled upon the wrong girl at the wrong time...and thinking there's something sinister about how perfect he is. Hmmm...we'll see.

Interactions: very good! The Capri/Sirius friendship was very believable, especially during her hangover and after he's started avoiding her. And Capri/Jason is also good. He's so perfect it makes me sick...but we'll see how it goes. I do feel bad for him that she doesn't actually like him, even if she's trying to.

Believability: you have another box checked here. It's still a believable story and I think you're doing well. Though I'm not sure if Caprice could really skip so many classes and not get in trouble for it. That's teetering on cliche Mary-Sue land.

Flow and pace: check and check. No complaints.

So, I think you're doing very well. The ending of this chapter in particular was very powerful. I was impressed how realistic it was. I could really connect with your characters which is awesome. Keep up the wonderful work and I'll read the next chapter soon! :]

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey hey!
Thanks again for coming back to review! You're awesome!
So good to know Capri's far from Mary Sue! seriously it's the most important thing to know about your OC.

hahahhaha everyone thinks Jason is shady! I love that everyone is so skeptic about him. Like he's way too perfect to be real! haha!

Yup Sirius and Capri are unique friends, they are still discovering how deep their friendship is really and what boundaries they are willing to cross.

Umm Arrrgh! Mary Sue! ok to be clear she just skipped two classes, and Jason just happened to find her at both situations. So...

Ok I hope that you're enjoying the story so far and that the plot is developing slowly. I usually like to show instead of tell but with Jason I thought I'd just have Capri tell whats going on because it's difficult to manage so many OCs that are alien to the readers. Anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH! for reading reviewing and taking the time to let me know what you liked and what I could improve on! Thanks a million! :) :) :)


 Report Review

Review #47, by DracoFerret11 Enough

20th January 2012:
Hello there, it's me again. :] I saw that you responded to one of my reviews. It's good to know that you ARE seeing them. I hope you had a good vacation.

Now, review time? I think so.

Characterization: ah, my favorite. ;] I absolutely adored that this was from Sirius' point of view. You wrote him well and I liked the inner view we got of his thoughts. Well done. There weren't many other characters that played a large part in this chapter, but the ones who appeared were fine.

Interactions: well, here we get a little more interesting. The Marauders all mesh well, which is good. I like the description that Sirius gives of Remus being the dorm warden. I always thought he was something like that. There was a completely cliche interaction between Lily and James where she yelled at him for asking her out. So...cliche, yes. And Sirius makes a cliche comment about her "temper being as fiery as her hair" or something. CRINGE. But there was a funny line in reference to James: "so I threw my pillow at James to wake him up, might as well have thrown a book for all the good it did." I definitely laughed. :D And...Sirius' awkwardness with his exes was great. And his jealousy of Caprice's interest in Jason! Awesome.

Believability: pretty good here. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how they think, but it seemed reasonable, the way you wrote for Sirius. I didn't mind it. :]

Flow and pace: both are going well. I can't really complain here either.

We're a little lacking in descriptions still, but some things you described well, like the party atmosphere. We'll see how this enhances or flops in the following chapters. I'll keep you posted.

I'm very interested to see where things go since Sirius pretty much just admitted to himself that he has feelings for Caprice. We'll see! :]

On to chapter nine ASAP.

Author's Response: Hey again! More reviews! YAY!

Ok so I'm thrilled you enjoyed the Sirius POV wasn't quite sure it crossed over well until people said it was good enough :) so thanks again.

Yes! very cliche but hell I like the occationa cliche line thrown into the midst. It's just all good entertainment.

Glad you liked Remus too! Thank you so so much for coming by and reviewing this chapter! I really really appreciate it! Thanks loads!


 Report Review

Review #48, by hpfanno1 Benefit of a Friend

20th January 2012:
ok, please get over it already!
this i-love-him/her-but-i-can't-kiss-'cause-it'll-ruin-our-friendship this is getting old and worn out. i'm tired. get them together already!
waiting for ur next update..

Author's Response: Bhahahahaha Ok, just for you then ;P

 Report Review

Review #49, by orangezauber Benefit of a Friend

16th January 2012:
I don't understand how you do it. The chapters are so eloquently written that I find I cannot focus on anything else. Which makes it difficult to keep my mind in my studies at time ;-) You always have a great balance of action, romance, and life. Sirius and Capri really do have this pull to one another. However, I must say the one who really captured my interest this chapter was Remus. I loved how you described Sirius feeling as though he could talk to Remus about things that James might not understand. It is not very often one reads things like that. Then Remus' concern for his friend and his friend's heart was really reassuring. It truly showed how close the marauders were. You didn't have to go into much detail for your readers to feel that connection.

I appreciate your kind words about my possible stories. Perhaps I will have to post at least the start of one my the end of the year (a year's time should be enough for me to find inspiration for the middle portions). It brings me such joy to know there are people as thirty for a good story as I am. Your words to me are so kind and I hope to not disappoint.

Thank you for busting my ego a bit. I just wish my stories are as half as good as yours.Thanks again for posting. It was a highlight of my day.

Always,
orangezauber

Author's Response: Hey again :)
So glad to hear from you once again! This wasn't a great chapter although I really do appreciate your wonderful praise. It was a bit of a filler and a staging chapter for the next chapter which is still in the works.
I adore Remus, his character is easily the most complex one to write. There is such depth to the character Rowling created that we barely got to scratch the surface in her books. I think that he was the glue that held the group together in my opinion. He feels like the one who was equally good friends with James, Sirius and Peter. They all I'm sure confided in him and keeping secrets was something he knew all too well. I want to write giving more prominence to Remus but I fear that I'm not quite skilled enough to pull off such a perfect character. We'll see :)
If I may shed some light. None of my stories have an ending in mind. Especially with Caprice, I don't know any more than the next two chapters ahead. Its how it started and I've maintained that. Writing this way is a sort of a journey, you get to build on the start you created and take risks you never would have if you planned the story all along.
Go ahead and post your beginning, readers and reviewers will help you judge how to take the next step. Unsure footing is always a great place for adventure to begin :)
Good luck.
~Pen2Paper


 Report Review

Review #50, by DracoFerret11 Rush

15th January 2012:
Hello! Me again. Are you seeing these reviews? :[ I hope so! Let me know. :]

Anyhow, moving on to your concerns--first up, characterization: well, I definitely don't mind anybody in particular. I don't see any Mary-Sues, so that's a plus! :D I think Capri is a good character, though I'm very surprised she got over her heartbreak so quickly! And I'm also sort of shocked that Sirius was having sex (mentioned last chapter) and he's only fifteen. :o Scandalous!

Interactions: quite nice. I do like that Capri didn't mope forever. And I love how kind her friends are about her situation. So sweet. And I'm very excited about this Jason fellow! We'll see where he goes. Wink wink. :]

Believability: you're fine here. Nothing was out of place in this chapter except maybe how quickly she got over how upset she was last chapter.

Flow and pace: are going fine. :] It's smooth and steady and not going wacko. I like it quite a bit.

Word choice: I don't see anything that's odd, so nothing to comment on here.

Overall, I think you're doing great still. I liked this chapter, though it seemed a littly sporadic in relation to the last chapter where she was so upset. She just...got over it in this chapter and that seemed a little rushed. But maybe it's all just a show. We'll see. :]

Keep up the good work! I'll read chapter eight ASAP!

--Emily
he had joined the team when James was in first year

Author's Response: Hey!
Ohh I love your reviews!!! Shoot me for not replying sooner! So sorry I'm just all over the place these days! busy busy! Anyways!

Thank you thank you for reviewing! Yay! no Mary-Sues! I fear it like the plague lol so thank you for the reassurance! Haha yes scandalous indeed, just how I like my Sirius!

Thanks loads again!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>