Reading Reviews for Caprice
  
455 Reviews Found

Review #26, by DracoFerret11 Faceoff

29th April 2012:
Me again. Wah! I'm so sad! This just...wow. I'm just completely depressed about this chapter. It shouldn't happen like this! I want them to be together, not fight! This is so awful! :[

Okay, reviewing now instead of complaining:

Characterization: Wonderful, as always. I love the dynamic between Caprice and Sirius. It's so realistic. She's lost her patience with him, and I get that. It's so sad to read though, when I know that he loves her.

Descriptions: The emotions here were riveting. They made me want to cry. I can feel how hurt she is, but I still just want her to forgive him. I know it doesn't work that way, but I still want it to...

Plot: Things are royally messed up now. You're moving the plot along so well. I was glad you brought up the disappearances in the last chapter, so that's good. And emotionally, things are just going haywire. I can't wait to see if things get better or worse from here. It's so sad right now!

Interactions: The fight between Caprice and Jason was so sad. I didn't want him to be hurt, but I DO want Sirius to be with Caprice. Though, right now, that's not looking positive. THEIR fight (between Caprice and Sirius) was awful. I could almost see the whole thing. I've had friendships like this before, so I know how much it sucks. You're doing a great job showing all the emotions connected to this. Keep up the good work.

Style: You know I love your style, haha. I adore it. Everything is so raw and realistic. Beautiful.

I just want everything to be okay again. :[ I hope it is soon. This is sad.

--Emily

Author's Response:
Hi again Emily!

I know, I'm so sorry about the depressing heart-breaking part of the chapter but it was needed! :(
I'm Sorry!

I know that this was sort of turning thing around 180 degrees but you would have seen why in the next chapters. It was needed for the plot.

You always tell me the emotions are great, and every time I am thankful because as much as I like writing it, it's hard to write it without seeming to be repetative.
Yes the plot is royally messed up and things aren't looking good for Capri and Sirius. Afraid things will get a bit worse before they get better. I shouldn't but I'm really enjoying the bumpy road they are on! :/
Thank you so so much as always for your time and dedicated reviewing :)


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Review #27, by DracoFerret11 Lost

29th April 2012:
Hey there! It's me again. I know it's been MONTHS since I've reviewed, but things have been busy. I'm back now and I'll continue to review as often as possible. So, let's get started:

Characterization: This was another great chapter, of course. It's sad to see Caprice and Sirius not being together. Jason's not good enough for her. That's disappointing. And Regulus! I've always been fond of him, so it's sad to see him all creepy and weird here, but it's not surprising. He probably wasn't the nicest guy in school. He's so sinister! ICK.

Descriptions: you described how Caprice was feeling very well. It's always a pleasure to see emotions portrayed so realistically.

Plot: I wonder what will happen next! Will Sirius be really angry about Regulus' creepiness? Will Caprice second-guess her choices? Will Jason just GO AWAY? I don't know, but you have me wondering!

Interactions: The only part that was a bit odd was the interaction between Caprice and James/Sirius when they were angry at Snape. It was strange to see her convince James not to hex Snape. Odd...Other than that, though, things were great. I really loved how eeire Regulus was. Well done!

Pacing: Well done, but I can't wait for them to get together! It's such a long time! :[ Okay, I'm done whining.

Last thought: pygmy puffs don't exist yet. Fred and George bred them. They're actually just miniature puffskeins. So...a puffskein WOULD exist at this time.

Anyhow, great chapter. I'll read the next one ASAP.

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey Emily!
I’s sorry its taken ages for me to respond to this great review! I’ve been busy trying to update all the WIPs I’ve put on hold because of RL and loads of other stuff. Anyway, thank you so much for coming back again to review my story.
I know but I’m building Sirius and Cappie slowly and I want them to develop individually as characters as much as the story needs them to build together as a couple. Everything has its own time. And yes, Jason is a complication for Sirius/Capri but, well I’m sure I’ll read your thoughts in the future chapters :P
I love that you are just as crazy about emotions as I am. For me it makes the story real. And I’m glad you think mine are realistic in the chapters you read.
I have plans for Regulus too which actually recently surfaced and I’ve included into the plot (maybe even after you posted this review) I hope that the road Jason and Capri are taking become clearer with the next few chapters.
Caprice isn’t very violent and she cares just as much about James as she does Sirius. She didn’t want them in trouble and so she didn’t let them hex Snape. She’s not a “maraudette” to put it bluntly. She’s one of the girls but plays Quidditch with the guys and in love (well was,) with her best friend.
I’m really glad you loved Regulus though, I’m pretty nervous about writing his character. I see him as a shady unpredictable person and I’m not sure how to bring that into the words. But I’m still happy that you liked his eerie behavior! :)
And thanks for the point-out of the Pygmy puff mistake! I will be correcting that soon :)
Thank you so much for reviewing Em! On to the next! :D


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Review #28, by hedwigs_theme Belonged

6th April 2012:
Hi!

Description:

I love how you described Caprices' feelings of embarrassment, nervousness, shock etc. I also love how you described the great hall and the people that she met.

Storyline:

The storyline is fine, so you have nothing to worry about.

Characterization:

I really like how in every chapter, you tell us extra things about Caprice, until now I feel like I know her personally!

Other Thoughts:

I also enjoyed reading about the time she spent with her aunt before she left for Hogwarts, and her feeling towards her parents.


Keep up the good work!

9/10 again!

Author's Response: Hey again,
Thank you so much for all the reviews and the encouragement! Really means so much. I'm glad you liked the way the story progressed and I hope you read on. Thanks so much again!


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Review #29, by hedwigs_theme Unexpected Possibility

6th April 2012:
oooh I love this chapter!

Sorry that it has taken me so long to review. I have closed my review thread because it was getting out of hand, but I am going to continue reviewing everyone's story that was on my waiting list.

A fantastic chapter, where you let your readers discover more about Caprice and the plot. I also really loved it when you worked Sirius into the chapter!

Will read chapter 3 when I have time.

9/10!

Author's Response: Aww its a shame you closed the thread, but I know it can get a bit out of hand sometimes. I'm glad you liked this chapter, it's where things begin to form a plot. :)
Thanks again for reviewing


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Review #30, by hedwigs_theme Life at 11

13th March 2012:
Oh my goodness when I read the last line my mouth just dropped open with surprise! Wow! :)

A very short yet descriptive chapter, although it was a prologue so its meant to be short!

9/10 fantastic and cann't wait to read the next 3 chapters!

Author's Response: :D Thank you so much! I can't wait for you to read the next three either! lol Lemme know what you think of them :)

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Review #31, by luna_lovely The Weasel

10th March 2012:
i am in love with this story!!! uurrrgggh its so funny! i love it! cant wait for the update

Author's Response: There is much more to come! I'm so glad you like it and I hope you do return for more :) Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #32, by bookworm_hermione The Weasel

2nd March 2012:
That was AWESOME
i could practically feel Capri's anger
PLEASE continue the story
it's epic

Author's Response: I will!! Thank you VERY much for such an enthusiastic review! xx

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Review #33, by angelicdemon1209 Life at 11

25th February 2012:
Grimmauld Place!
But I thought No.13 was unplottable and people can't see it..?

Author's Response: I guess you missed it... she's at No. 11. Sirius is at No. 12 but cannot be seen because it's enchanted so, so she sees the No. 13 which is again another muggle ordinary house. :)

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Review #34, by Alyss The Weasel

21st February 2012:
Hi!
While I like the tone of this chapter, I think if Sirius is doing what I (and probably many others) think he is doing, it is a little too obvious. It was FUN!

Author's Response: It was meant to be a little obvious, but don't worry, he has his reasons and they will soon come to light. Glad you found it entertaining though :) Hope you keep reading!

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Review #35, by Dizzy73 The Weasel

15th February 2012:
Punch him! Capri, please do punch him. >)

Author's Response: I'll pass the message on :P Hope you keep reading :) Thanks for the review!

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Review #36, by Elenia The Weasel

14th February 2012:
Hey! I finally got the chance to read all of this! I've been too busy writing (x

But I'm so glad I did because you're an amazing writer! You truly are! This was just awesome! Though I wasn't expecting anything else since Heaven Can Wait is so awesome too!

I really like Capri. She's a great character, you've done a good job on her. And Sirius too, I think he's very true to his character. But poor guys! They really don't seem to get a break, do they? Something always goes wrong between those two.

I like it that you've told the story from both pov's. It makes this much more interesting as we can see what the other one is going trough too!

The whole story is really interesting. I loved all the twists in the plot from the very beginning. So great job! It flowed very well and was captivating. I couldn't stop reading. And I can't wait for the next chapter, so I hope you will update this soon!

Author's Response: Elenia! I love your reviews and I love that you like my stories so much.

I really hope you enjoy this one just as much as Heaven Can Wait :) Hope the plot keeps you interested and hope you return for the next chapter :)
Thank you so much for reading love and thank you for reviewing! xx


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Review #37, by loony_lovegood101 The Weasel

14th February 2012:
hey!!
:D love the playful banter.totally epic.still dont know if i like jerk sirius that much, but its pretty cute. i cannot wait for them to be together :D
till next time

lOny

Author's Response: Thank you so much love :) I'm glad you like the playfulness of the chapter, their reactions toward each other are usually more intense so I thought I'd go in a different direction for a bit.

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Review #38, by doglover Benefit of a Friend

13th February 2012:
so i'm a tad confuzzled about that ending...

Author's Response: :/ hopefully it'll be more clear in the future chapters, its a very impulsive thing I went with turning Sirius into a arrogant playboy overnight, you'll see him and Capri talking about it later, don't worry despite appearances their friendship isn't dead. :) Whoops I think I'm giving away too much!

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Review #39, by Fingerposts Life at 11

13th February 2012:
Hey, it's simplelullaby over at the forums here with your review!

Wow to the chapter image by the way. Lady Malfoy's amazing! I was a little surprised when reading your chapter actually - it's a little like my Marauder-fic in that they've both got horrible families and are both neighbours of Sirius - but pleasantly so, trust me.

Anyway...

I like your mini-prologue at the beginning of the story. It adds to the mystery, and sets up a good place for you to actually begin your story. It's really great! :)

"Its classic Victorian look and feel still breathed as if one had walked into the past through our front doors" - This sentence is a little clumsy, I wasn't too sure what you were getting at and had to read it again. Maybe split this into two sentences, or rearrange the words? "Its look was classically Victorian. If a person walked through our front doors, they stepped into the living, breathing past." Or something along those lines.

I'm liking your setting - it's really quite nice how you manage to blend setting and character together so it doesnt seem like you're switching at all. It's almost like you personify the house to reflect your protag's mother, and I think that's pretty amazing. ;P

I noticed in the first few paragraphs that you use commas quite a lot. ("My family was a rather odd family, ten again my whole neighbourhood was") Mix it up a little with dashes or split sentences to add variation.

"God forbid any boys should read" - my favourite line! Made me laugh out loud (rather, snort rather unlike a lady).

The characterisation of your Protag's mother is especially brilliant. I hate her almost immediately, and she doesnt even speak! It's pretty brilliant, the way you set her up, and Aunt Agatha is only slightly mentioned (am I wrong or was the 'boarding school' Hogwarts?) here. Also throughout the building characterisation of the mother you're also building up your Protag (who I already like).

BRITPICK - We don't do school in "grades." I'm not too sure (I don't know the American school system), but I think you mean "Primary Four."

I would've liked to hear more about Governess Elliot, though I loved the "she was a total witch!" line. It'd be nice to see how she had gained your protag's bad opinion in another way other than her showing off, if you know what I mean?

Loved the canary's name - Sonnet!

I loved you describing your protag's love of books. The way they're depicted...you can just tell how much she loves them. They're her only escape from her boring life, and I just love that. You've already built her up so much from her describing other things - hearing something specifically relating to her is the most natural step, and you take it well.

"You must be wondering.cousins for sure." This paragraph is all a little clumsy. You elongate sentences when they should be stopped, and put commas in really strange places. I'd suggest looking it over. :)

I loved your use of the word "contraband" to describe items like chocolate.

BRITPICK - We say "chewing gum" instead of just "gum." And instead of saying "cookies" we say "biscuits."

Your end line was fantastic. It just makes me want to click onto the next chapter just to see where this new plot development goes!

So, to the overalls.

Overall Plot Development: As an opener, which are always tricky, this chapter created enough intriguing threads to make me want to click onto the next chapter and see what happens. There's not anything substantial, but it's enough to create a good opener!

Overall Characterisation: I think this suffered from the lack of dialogue, but altogether we have a brilliant idea of the mother and what she's like, to your protag at least. This is more about what your protag thinks, so I'd say it's more about introducing her than anything. Not that that's a bad thing - actually it's quite a lovely, unique approach. I loved it!

Overall Description: Although this chapter was all description, I think that some of your descriptions would do better being added-upon so that the flow isn't constantly interrupted with new descriptions. Bulk it up a little you know? ;)

Overall Grammar and Spelling: I think you could do with a little bit work here. Too many commas are used, and you could do with getting a little more familiar with the full stop and dash...and don't forget the semi-colon. Your spelling was brilliant, no faults there!

So, overall I loved it. You could do with recruiting a beta to help you with grammar, but honestly this chapter is so good even I, a convicted grammar-Nazi, am willing to overlook it.

I hope I helped you. Please, please respond!

~Aimee~


(7/10)

Author's Response: Hey Aimee, thank you so much for reviewing my story. I'm very very sorry for the long wait getting back to you but I've had an impossibly hectic few months! Anyway thank you so much.

I havent read a single Marauder fic (and I've read many) where Sirius and the Oc are neighbours, I've read one where James is her neighbour so Sirius inadvertently becomes her neighbour later in the story when he runs away. Anyway it'll be interesting to read your story sometime too:)
Thank you for all the great advice I assure you they are all helpful and will be considered during my next major edit. Also thanks for the britpicking advice. I'm glad you liked some aspects of the story and of course there is much room for improvement.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review!



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Review #40, by DracoFerret11 Closure

1st February 2012:
Hey...it's me again. And I want you to know that I feel like crying! Just...ugh. The end of this just makes me want to cry. I hate it! I hate it. Just...ugh. I'm so upset. :[ You have no idea. So...I'm gonna talk about lines in this chapter that made me ridiculously impressed:

1. "I had... considered, reconsidered and concluded."

2. "I wanted so badly to reach out and grab her hand, to pull her back, to ask her not to leave. Not like this."

3. "We were meant to be more than friends. Sometimes it takes the sudden realisation of how incredibly ignorant and stupid one can be before you realise how much you want to hold on to the one person youre letting go of."

Those just...wow. So many lines in this chapter were incredible and ending with the Snow Patrol lyrics was perfection. Those lines stood out though. I guess we'll talk about your concerns though, then I'll go back to gushing:

Characterization: I can't describe how wonderful this was in this chapter. Getting both their points of view and seeing how different things were and how very, very similar was incredible. I actually felt really, really sad for both of them. Things just...didn't work out yet. And that's awful, but this was so well-written that I really don't have comments about that. I'm impressed. All the characters were flawless here.

Interactions: they're the best friends I've seen written in a very long time. I don't know if I've added this story to my favorites yet, but if I haven't, this chapter sealed it. I nearly cried when they were talking on the pitch together. Just...ah, perfection. No words.

Believability: positively flawless. This chapter, with its many twists and "almosts" was so realistic that it elicited real emotions from me, as I've mentioned. I swear! My heart actually ACHES right now! That's ridiculously impressive.

Flow and pace: fine. Wonderful. Take your pick. I'm still reeling from everything this chapter made me feel.

Back to gushing: it was incredible, it really was. I can't believe that this is simply fanfiction. I hope that you do something more than this in your writing career; I can easily see myself reading a book that can show emotions like these. I am so, so impressed. You've done a beautiful job here and my only fear is that the following chapters won't make me feel the same way. I truly hope they do. Great job. I'll read chapter eleven ASAP.

--Emily

Author's Response: Emily, you've officially stunned me speechless with this review! I am SO overwhelmed by all your praise! Oh my GOSH!!! *blushing insanely*
You have no idea what it means to me to hear all this. That you can feel what they feel and you are with them in that moment! I can't believe what I'm reading! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Oh God what else can I say!?? This was a beautiful heartfelt and amazing review and its reviews like these that make me battle forward with this story through writer's block and through... everything.
I share my writing here because it's my escape. I love it and I sometimes sit and write letting it all just flow, sometimes i write pages before leaving it because it was just a good ride for me, and a place to take a break from real life and escape it. In fact Caprice's first chapter, started that way. A moment when I wanted to take a breather and I just sat down and started writing. That's why no matter how many people tell me this story should have a better start I cant bring myself to scratch it because that's where it all started :)
I am truly sorry if the following chapters let you down, but I hope you believe in them enough to know these moments will return at some point. I am humbled by all your wonderful memorable and thoughtful compliments and I am so glad I came by to ask this story to be reviewed because hearing a story be appreciated like this is the height of glory for the anonymous authour :)
Thank you once more Emily, for showing such love for my work.
Till next time.
~Pen2Paper


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Review #41, by DracoFerret11 Crossing Borders

21st January 2012:
Mmkay, hello again! Don't forget to respond to the reviews I leave! :] I hope you're doing well, so we'll just jump right into the review. Let's go!

Characterization: Well, here there was a lot of Capri and Sirius, as well as this Jason fellow. Capri herself is wonderfully believable which I love. I'm so glad you're avoiding Mary-Sue land. I absolutely LOVED the ending of this chapter. She's right to feel bad about imagining that she was kissing Sirius, and I totally understand why she's so conflicted. Sirius himself is perfect here. He's trying to figure out his feelings and avoiding his best friend seems like a good idea, even after he's so sweet to her when she has a hangover. He's a good friend, but he's hurt right now so I completely agree with how he's acting. And Jason...hm. I don't know what to think of him. I'm torn between thinking he's just a nice guy who stumbled upon the wrong girl at the wrong time...and thinking there's something sinister about how perfect he is. Hmmm...we'll see.

Interactions: very good! The Capri/Sirius friendship was very believable, especially during her hangover and after he's started avoiding her. And Capri/Jason is also good. He's so perfect it makes me sick...but we'll see how it goes. I do feel bad for him that she doesn't actually like him, even if she's trying to.

Believability: you have another box checked here. It's still a believable story and I think you're doing well. Though I'm not sure if Caprice could really skip so many classes and not get in trouble for it. That's teetering on cliche Mary-Sue land.

Flow and pace: check and check. No complaints.

So, I think you're doing very well. The ending of this chapter in particular was very powerful. I was impressed how realistic it was. I could really connect with your characters which is awesome. Keep up the wonderful work and I'll read the next chapter soon! :]

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey hey!
Thanks again for coming back to review! You're awesome!
So good to know Capri's far from Mary Sue! seriously it's the most important thing to know about your OC.

hahahhaha everyone thinks Jason is shady! I love that everyone is so skeptic about him. Like he's way too perfect to be real! haha!

Yup Sirius and Capri are unique friends, they are still discovering how deep their friendship is really and what boundaries they are willing to cross.

Umm Arrrgh! Mary Sue! ok to be clear she just skipped two classes, and Jason just happened to find her at both situations. So...

Ok I hope that you're enjoying the story so far and that the plot is developing slowly. I usually like to show instead of tell but with Jason I thought I'd just have Capri tell whats going on because it's difficult to manage so many OCs that are alien to the readers. Anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH! for reading reviewing and taking the time to let me know what you liked and what I could improve on! Thanks a million! :) :) :)


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Review #42, by DracoFerret11 Enough

20th January 2012:
Hello there, it's me again. :] I saw that you responded to one of my reviews. It's good to know that you ARE seeing them. I hope you had a good vacation.

Now, review time? I think so.

Characterization: ah, my favorite. ;] I absolutely adored that this was from Sirius' point of view. You wrote him well and I liked the inner view we got of his thoughts. Well done. There weren't many other characters that played a large part in this chapter, but the ones who appeared were fine.

Interactions: well, here we get a little more interesting. The Marauders all mesh well, which is good. I like the description that Sirius gives of Remus being the dorm warden. I always thought he was something like that. There was a completely cliche interaction between Lily and James where she yelled at him for asking her out. So...cliche, yes. And Sirius makes a cliche comment about her "temper being as fiery as her hair" or something. CRINGE. But there was a funny line in reference to James: "so I threw my pillow at James to wake him up, might as well have thrown a book for all the good it did." I definitely laughed. :D And...Sirius' awkwardness with his exes was great. And his jealousy of Caprice's interest in Jason! Awesome.

Believability: pretty good here. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how they think, but it seemed reasonable, the way you wrote for Sirius. I didn't mind it. :]

Flow and pace: both are going well. I can't really complain here either.

We're a little lacking in descriptions still, but some things you described well, like the party atmosphere. We'll see how this enhances or flops in the following chapters. I'll keep you posted.

I'm very interested to see where things go since Sirius pretty much just admitted to himself that he has feelings for Caprice. We'll see! :]

On to chapter nine ASAP.

Author's Response: Hey again! More reviews! YAY!

Ok so I'm thrilled you enjoyed the Sirius POV wasn't quite sure it crossed over well until people said it was good enough :) so thanks again.

Yes! very cliche but hell I like the occationa cliche line thrown into the midst. It's just all good entertainment.

Glad you liked Remus too! Thank you so so much for coming by and reviewing this chapter! I really really appreciate it! Thanks loads!


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Review #43, by hpfanno1 Benefit of a Friend

20th January 2012:
ok, please get over it already!
this i-love-him/her-but-i-can't-kiss-'cause-it'll-ruin-our-friendship this is getting old and worn out. i'm tired. get them together already!
waiting for ur next update..

Author's Response: Bhahahahaha Ok, just for you then ;P

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Review #44, by orangezauber Benefit of a Friend

16th January 2012:
I don't understand how you do it. The chapters are so eloquently written that I find I cannot focus on anything else. Which makes it difficult to keep my mind in my studies at time ;-) You always have a great balance of action, romance, and life. Sirius and Capri really do have this pull to one another. However, I must say the one who really captured my interest this chapter was Remus. I loved how you described Sirius feeling as though he could talk to Remus about things that James might not understand. It is not very often one reads things like that. Then Remus' concern for his friend and his friend's heart was really reassuring. It truly showed how close the marauders were. You didn't have to go into much detail for your readers to feel that connection.

I appreciate your kind words about my possible stories. Perhaps I will have to post at least the start of one my the end of the year (a year's time should be enough for me to find inspiration for the middle portions). It brings me such joy to know there are people as thirty for a good story as I am. Your words to me are so kind and I hope to not disappoint.

Thank you for busting my ego a bit. I just wish my stories are as half as good as yours.Thanks again for posting. It was a highlight of my day.

Always,
orangezauber

Author's Response: Hey again :)
So glad to hear from you once again! This wasn't a great chapter although I really do appreciate your wonderful praise. It was a bit of a filler and a staging chapter for the next chapter which is still in the works.
I adore Remus, his character is easily the most complex one to write. There is such depth to the character Rowling created that we barely got to scratch the surface in her books. I think that he was the glue that held the group together in my opinion. He feels like the one who was equally good friends with James, Sirius and Peter. They all I'm sure confided in him and keeping secrets was something he knew all too well. I want to write giving more prominence to Remus but I fear that I'm not quite skilled enough to pull off such a perfect character. We'll see :)
If I may shed some light. None of my stories have an ending in mind. Especially with Caprice, I don't know any more than the next two chapters ahead. Its how it started and I've maintained that. Writing this way is a sort of a journey, you get to build on the start you created and take risks you never would have if you planned the story all along.
Go ahead and post your beginning, readers and reviewers will help you judge how to take the next step. Unsure footing is always a great place for adventure to begin :)
Good luck.
~Pen2Paper


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Review #45, by DracoFerret11 Rush

15th January 2012:
Hello! Me again. Are you seeing these reviews? :[ I hope so! Let me know. :]

Anyhow, moving on to your concerns--first up, characterization: well, I definitely don't mind anybody in particular. I don't see any Mary-Sues, so that's a plus! :D I think Capri is a good character, though I'm very surprised she got over her heartbreak so quickly! And I'm also sort of shocked that Sirius was having sex (mentioned last chapter) and he's only fifteen. :o Scandalous!

Interactions: quite nice. I do like that Capri didn't mope forever. And I love how kind her friends are about her situation. So sweet. And I'm very excited about this Jason fellow! We'll see where he goes. Wink wink. :]

Believability: you're fine here. Nothing was out of place in this chapter except maybe how quickly she got over how upset she was last chapter.

Flow and pace: are going fine. :] It's smooth and steady and not going wacko. I like it quite a bit.

Word choice: I don't see anything that's odd, so nothing to comment on here.

Overall, I think you're doing great still. I liked this chapter, though it seemed a littly sporadic in relation to the last chapter where she was so upset. She just...got over it in this chapter and that seemed a little rushed. But maybe it's all just a show. We'll see. :]

Keep up the good work! I'll read chapter eight ASAP!

--Emily
he had joined the team when James was in first year

Author's Response: Hey!
Ohh I love your reviews!!! Shoot me for not replying sooner! So sorry I'm just all over the place these days! busy busy! Anyways!

Thank you thank you for reviewing! Yay! no Mary-Sues! I fear it like the plague lol so thank you for the reassurance! Haha yes scandalous indeed, just how I like my Sirius!

Thanks loads again!


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Review #46, by DracoFerret11 September

13th January 2012:
Hey, it's me again. More reviewing now!

Wow...this chapter...ahh, especially the end. That just hurt. I'm not even the one going through it, but I can imagine how much that would really, really suck to experience. You're doing a great job with portraying the emotions. Keep up the good work.

So, your concerns:

Characterization was good here. Everyone is consistent and well-written. I don't have any complaints. And Caprice isn't a Mary-Sue at the moment! Yay!

Interactions: the friendship between the Gryffindor girls is very believable. It makes them all seem very close. I really liked that Nora went out with Capri to comfort her after her feelings were hurt so badly.

I have no concerns about the believability of this chapter. Everything made sense and was reasonable. So, well done there.

Flow and pace? You're doing fine. :] The flow is interesting. You mentioned Jason, but he doesn't seem to play a large role yet. We'll see where he goes. I hope she doesn't date him just to make Sirius jealous...Pacing is fine too, we're moving alone nicely.

I think you've got something good here. It all seems like it makes sense and I was impressed with the emotions you portrayed. I might like to see more in the way of descriptions of the characters though. I don't remember what half of them look like...so maybe some hints in that department would help. :]

Keep up the good work! I'll continue reading ASAP!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey Emily!
Whoa! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING REVIEWS! I'm so so sorry I couldn't get back to you earlier! took an extended vacation and left the lap top behind so I wouldn't be tempted to write, work or play games and instead just enjoyed Lol.
Anyway your reviews are amazing and i'm glad you are enjoying the story. I hope that the characters are developing. This is my first fiction really and I'm hoping that I'm steering away from cliches and mary-sue behaviours with my oc. I am working on getting more characters involved. Since I found it hard to tie in the characters I thought I'll instead bring in their perspective. Hope you'll see what i mean in the future chapters.
Don't worry, she's not gonna be a "Fifth Marauder" loll she's only tied to Sirius. Thank you so much for the reviews Emily. You've given me I really appreciate it. Glad you came by :) Thanks loads, again.


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Review #47, by DracoFerret11 Iron Heart

13th January 2012:
Hey there, it's DarkRose again.

Well, here are some opinions on the chapter:

I think that Caprice and Sirius have a cute friendship and I'm fond of the fact that they consider themselves "best friends," but what about James? How does he work into the plot if Sirius has a different best friend? Maybe it will still make sense. :] We'll see.

Ah, right after she finds out that Sirius is leaving...DRAMATIC! She just spazzes! I felt uncomfortable and I'm not even there, haha. If I were Sirius, I would be weirded out, even if she WAS my best friend. Freaky.

A couple of things that might turn this story cliche/cheesy: if Caprice becomes the "Fifth Marauder," so to say, hanging around them and participating in their pranks...eesh. You might want to steer clear of that. Also, the fact that she's on the Quidditch team and has this "Striker" title seems a little Mary-Sue. Careful!

So, characterization: I didn't mind either Sirius or Caprice here. I mentioned what did weird me out, but overall, they were good. I liked that Sirius was totally a guy at the end and got distracted and didn't write. That's a good characterization point.

Interactions were pretty good. That's how I write friendships between girls and guys. :] With petnames and hugging and things like that. People sometimes say it's too close for friendship, but I like it.

Your believability is also doing fine right now. It's a tiny bit of a cliche plot-line with the Fifth Marauder scenario, but I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Flow and pace are doing fine here too. You also wanted to know about word choice...I didn't see anything that bothered me. So! I think you're doing well. I'll read chapter six ASAP!

--Emily

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Review #48, by javct September

6th January 2012:
Away I go!

Good chapter, however, this chapter did confuse me a little. At the start of the last chapter you made out like Sirus and Capri were really good friends (best friends even), yet, in this chapter they don't seem to really like one another.

The plot is becoming more developed as the story comes along. It is also getting more interesting as they have aged and have more emotions ;)

The characterisation is really good, however in this chapter, slightly confusing (unless it's just really obvious and I'm just missing it).

I loved the final line and the quote from 'September Rain' at the end, it just added to the emotion that Capri was feeling :)
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey Jaz! Thank you so much for the incredible reviews again! I know you said you were glad that I wasn't skipping ahead and I was like "uh oh" :P lol I didn't mention four years later in the Iron Heart chapter because I said in the last line of the previous chapter that four years later she wished she could take it back. anyway I hope you weren't too confused there.
Glad you like where the story is going. Thank you so much for the reviews :) I'll be back for more :) :)


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Review #49, by javct Iron Heart

6th January 2012:
Back!

Once again, this chapter is good. However, I would suggest stating at the start of the chapter that it is four years later, because I was a little confused at the start how she got back home.

The characterisations are really good, I like how you've kept it canon - especially with Sirus leaving his parents house and going to James's. It's also nice to see Sirus being friends with Caprice before they 'fall in love' it's good to see a non-cliche'd Sirus and OC story.

The plot, so far, is coming along great! I can't really give a great comment because it's only the start of the story, but I'm still enjoying this nonetheless.

However, I am a little confused as to why Caprice wanted to burn the letter at the end.
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey again! and again SO SORRY for the lateness! its unforgivable!
Anyway I'm so glad you find it canon and realistic I'm trying very hard to stay away from cliches. :) Anyways thank you so so much for the reviews!! Geez I'm sorry I havent replied earlier!
PS: Capri was so angry she wanted to burn the letter because she expected more than the five lines written to her by Sirius.
Thanks again for the reviews!


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Review #50, by javct Vanishing Charm

5th January 2012:
Back with another review!

Sorry about taking so long. I really enjoyed this chapter; I like it how you are keeping them the same age and not skipping ahead to when their sixteen.

The plot is coming along nicely. You are defiantly defining the characters really clearly and giving us an insight onto who's who in the story.

The pace of the story is good; it's not moving too fast and you are cutting the scenes at the right time as well :)

The characterisation has been consistent so far. The way that Caprice acts around Sirus is perfect and you have hit the Marauders on the head.
There were a few grammatical mistakes throughout the chapter but nothing too big (it didn't turn me off the story or anything)
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hey! Oh my God! Please don't kill me for being so late with a reply to this! I'm so so so so sorry! ok onto the replay,
Ah ummm well this is unfortunately the last chapter for the 11 year olds but I promise its not going to change drastically!
Again thank you, I'm really glad that pace is not a problem, i was wondering if it was a bit choppy! and i'm really glad that Caprice and the Marauders are doing ok in characterization. Thanks for the heads up I'll check out the grammer and Thank you so so much for the review!


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