Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your review. ^^
Before I begin, let me say congratulations on placing in your challenge! It was very much deserved, you did a very good job here. ^^
Like Sarah (ToujoursPadfoot) below me, I thought that you really brought the elements of the song and your plot together - this song went so nicely with your story. I adore the Beatles so it was so cool to see someone's entry for a Beatles song challenge - I only wish I could have entered it myself!
As I've seen in your work before, your writing style is very nice and flows well. You have masterful control of spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and this also makes the story a much more enjoyable read - it's easy to get distracted by little errors. ^^
No specific critiques or improvement suggestions. Well done! ^^ Thank you for requesting me to review your story!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I just got the result and am very happy (I truly didn't expect anything, there were so many other great entries).
I love the Beatles too and so it was a real pleasure to enter this challenge. It was quite hard though to write a songfic but I'm very pleased to hear you find I managed to pull through it.
Wow, how happy you make me with this comment, I love to write and, even if english isn't my first language, I work hard to make sure it doesn't seem too forced.
Thanks again, you really made my day with your kind words. Report Review
That was cute. I enjoyed the juxtaposition of the song and the mood you were creating with the story. Thanks for the submission(:
Check my forum blog for the results!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review and, mostly, to be the one at the origin of this story's existence!
It was quite a challenge for me to write this as it was my first ever song-fic so I am really happy to learn that you think I did a good job!
It was a real pleasure doing this challenge, thanks for everything! Report Review
Here's your requested review! :)
- Knowing James Potter was ready to fight against the darkest wizard in the world and his army (Whenever the word 'dark' is being used in that context, it is always capitalized. 'Knowing James Potter was ready to fight against the Darkest wizard in the world and his army...)
+ I really liked that it seemed like they weren't dating yet, that they were just entering the friendship stage. I don't read Marauders Era fics that often (any more) and when I do, it's usually when they're already dating (at least the one-shots anyway) and this was just a break from the norm and I liked it. :) I also liked that bit of humor at the end. That was a nice ending. :)
= I guess I should probably tell you that I never particually like the Beetles, so when I saw this was for that challenge, I was kind of cautious, for lack of better word, and wasn't really looking forward to reading it. But I'm glad I did anyway, because it was very good. :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this nice review!
You got it correct, I choose to have them not dating yet; just beginning to be friends. I'm glad you liked the ending; I was afraid it might sound a bit too much but, hey, this is James we are talking about, right?
I'm glad you gave this a try even considering your reluctance. It is a fic written with the help of a Beatles song but still a fic first! Anyway, thanks so very much for this! Report Review
Hello there! Toujours Padfoot from the forums here for your requested review.
I think the song choice was very appropriate for this story. They were living in a tragic time, the dawning of something very dark - but there is always a silver lining. And even though the world around Lily and James was becoming increasingly more dangerous, they had to try to live as normally as possible, and keep fighting and surviving. I definitely got the feel of what you were trying to convey. The tone was ominous, but in a different way... You could always see beyond the darkness, and I felt a lot of bravery resonating in your characters. Gryffindors through and through. :) As far as constructive criticism goes, the only thing that could be improved upon is the invasion scene. A few lines describing action between the Death Eaters and the Hogwarts staff and students would really polish this story to its brightest. If we could witness first-hand what kind of evil they were facing, in all of its heinous glory, we would feel more fear. It would help us understand all the more exactly what Lily and James are going through, in these earlier stages of the wizarding war.
Overall, well done. I thought it was great. :)
~Toujours PadfootAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. This piece was written for a challenge where I had to write a story with Lily and using this song. I'm really pleased you consider that I made the story fit with the story (and not feel ackward, which I was dreading...).
You have no idea how your review makes me happy; you just told me that I actually acheived my goal and that the message I intended to convey got through the page. Yes, Gryffindors through and through those two!
I will definitly look into the idea you offered; the invasion scene was longer at first but I cut it, fearing it might break the flow of the story. Considering your commentary though, I might go over it again and work on making the scene longer and more explicit.
Thanks again for this nice review, I really appreciate your input and insight! Report Review
Akussa: Hello! I'm here with your requested review. The first person to post on my new review thread, Woah(:
I'm surprised this hasn't had any reviews yet, honestly. But I have a tip, Get a banner. It sounds awful, but your story is more likely to be read if you get yourself a banner - Either made by yourself or those wonderful people @ tda. You probably know all about it but if not, just message me on forums; I'll be happy to help you along with that.
I love The Beatles, they're inspirational and this song, eep *big grin!* Anyway!..
I thought this was wrote well. I like how you've characterised the two characters; James & Lily. James was exactly how I could of imagined him, Not a quick thinker as such but a great fighter on whim - Oh how Harry is so much alike him. ^.^
Lily was good too, though I think maybe she wouldn't have give in to James so easily, But who knows - After a battle like that, You might of been right to show the bond between them.
I love James/Lily, So most fics make me go "eep!" but the way you ended it really made me smile. The way James reverted to his old "cheeky" and "flirtatious" self really put the cherry on top for me! ;) Especially when Lily resisted his charms, I don't think I could (hehe!)
There was no spelling/grammar mistakes that stuck out to me so there's nothing horrifically wrong in that sense, I thought the flow in the story was good and I enjoyed the contrast between the fight and the light fluffy conversation the two shared.
Ps. I honestly can't tell you any specific ways to improve this, Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your nice review, I really appreciate it a lot.
Well, a banner is requested at the moment, still waiting for someone to accept it. I hope when it's done it will give the story some more chances of being seen!
I'm glad you consider the characterization was ok; I'm really not used to writting those two! I shoose to set this story in seventh year because we know it's the year they got together so it was easier to find a reason to had them bond together.
Thanks again for your kind words, I really appreciate it. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection