Reading Reviews for Ronald's Box
  
274 Reviews Found

Review #51, by CambAngst Little lies corrected

7th January 2012:
Another terrific effort! Once again, you did a great job of conveying the sense of wonder and cognitive dissonance the Next Gen kids are feeling as they discover the similarities and differences between the adults they know and the children that those adults used to be. This chapter gave us a great introduction to Neville and Draco, and continued to evolve the kids' understanding of Hermione's relationship to Ron and Harry. All very nicely imagined.

The writing was a little rougher in this chapter than the one before it. Sometimes you go for really long stretches of dialog uninterrupted by any narrative. There's nothing wrong with this, per se, but it does require more consistent use of dialog tags (e.g., "Ron said", "Hermione replied", "Dean exclaimed") in order to make it easy for the reader to keep track of who's saying what. It's not that I couldn't figure it out, it just took more effort than the last chapter where you were mixing dialog and narrative more evenly.

Overall, I am really enjoying this story. Gotta run out with the kids, but I'll be all over this later today!

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Review #52, by CambAngst First Look at Hogwarts' Fall 1991

7th January 2012:
This was a good chapter, and the ending was superb! I thought you got off to a bit of a rocky start. The first paragraph had some sentences in it that read awkwardly. But then you hit your stride and it was off to the proverbial races.

The recollections of Professor McGonagall were spot-on to what I remember thinking when I read Sorcerer's Stone, an intimidating presence but one that was always trying to teach, even when she was annoyed. One of my favorite things you're doing so far is contrasting Ron and Harry's impressions of various people with the way the Next Gen kids have grown up thinking about them. Scary, stern McGonagall vs. McGonagall the familiar family friend. (Alliteration unintentional, LOL). Over-sized, scary Hagrid vs. friendly, lovable Hagrid. It's such an interesting comparison.

And then the way you drew out Al and Lily's reactions to learning about the years their father spent with the Dursley's as well as Hugo's realization that his mother also had trouble making friends. That was wonderful! I hope to see a lot more of that kind of revelation as the story goes on.

This chapter was just terrific. I'm really enjoying this story!

Author's Response: After reading this review, I went back to see the beginning of the chapter and I can definitly see what you mean; this part has already been re-written and will be posted soon enough but thank you very much for pointing it out to me!

I'm glad you like how I present things because this is exactly what I wanted to. Ron and Harry are two different boys and, considering their past experiences, they see things very differently. Playing with perspectives was also a lot of fun and really gave an image to the message.

I'm very pleased that you liked Al and Lily's reactions, this really means a lot to me. I was afraid this part might be over or under done.

Thanks so much for this review, I'm really touched by your kind words!


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Review #53, by CambAngst Sortings and brilliant plans

7th January 2012:
Another brilliant chapter in this very engaging and interesting story! I love the whole concept of the next gen kids being able to get this kind of insight into their parents' adolescence. There are definitely going to be some interesting memories to relive.

The only thing I noticed in this chapter that felt a little weird was Al's dialog when he was explaining Teddy's spell. There was nothing syntactically wrong with it, but it sounded rather formal for a teenager talking to his cousins. It's a small thing, but that's pretty much indicative of how good this chapter is. I couldn't find anything else to even start to criticize.

Very enjoyable story so far! I knew I should have done this one when I tagged you in the Review the Person Above You thread. Now I get my chance!

Author's Response: Hi and so, so sorry for the delay in my response; real life got crazy since I came back from Christmas holidays but, that is (hopefully) behind me now!

I'm glad you think this is original; it's hard to come by these days around here!

The dialogues really are my weak point; with the new year, this is definitly the point I want to improve on. I have no idea why I write so formaly; it's not like I speak like that or anything... I will work on this and try and re-write much of the first year in that sense.

Thanks for sur a great review!


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Review #54, by Manga_girl Little lies corrected

7th January 2012:
Hello, me again!

I really enjoyed this chapter! This story is certainly getting better as it goes along and it is such a nice idea! The reader really gets engaged to see what will happen next and I cannot wait to read the next chapter! And review of course. :)

The flow of this is great, it reads really well and there are no parts that interrupt the flow. I love how you describe it as it is like the main HP books through Ron's point of view with a sprinkling of next generation! This is a great story!

I love your characterisation still! Harry, Ron and Hermione seem exactly like they would so in the books! Even Malfoy. I loved the bit where Hermione and Ron were arguing about encouraging Harry, it made me laugh.

The word travellers was not used so much in this chapter though you could still try to use it less. I saw no spelling or grammar errors which was great! Praise to you and your beta!

I love your word choice, characterisation, flow and descriptions! This is an amazing story and I plan to leave reviews like this for every chapter!

E x

Author's Response: Hi again!
The more I write this story and the more I like it as well. I found it so much fun to re-read the books and pick up the little points JKR left and fill these moments with ideas of my own.
I really thank you for these nice comments and will work on what you pointed out.


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Review #55, by Manga_girl First Look at Hogwarts' Fall 1991

7th January 2012:
Hello, it's me again!

I am starting to really love reading this story! The idea is so cute and funny to see how the next generation kids react to their parents/aunties/uncles lives as a child. It is really sweet seeing Ron write letters to his mum and it just adds a certain effect to the story because you wrote the letters so well!

The flow of this is perfect and there is no part in the story that interrupts it. It goes along so smoothly and the reader knows exactly what is going on. It is all clearly worded as well!

I am starting to love your characterisations of all the characters (next gen and Hogwarts era). Ron, as a child, seems so funny and sweet in the way that you describe him! I just love it! Hermione is written well too, she seems so much like she does in the canon which is something I rarely see and cannot write myself! Harry is very good too.

The descriptions of your next gen characters are amazing, they work so well now and by every chapter, it gets better and better! Well done!

One tiny bit of constructive criticism. I think you use the word travellers a bit to much to describe the next generation kids. It is fine once or twice but it seems to appear a bit to much in this.

Despite this, I love your word choice. It works really well with the story and reflects the characters and plot so well! I cannot wait to see what happens next,

E x

Author's Response: Hi again!

I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you telling me you like the letters! Finding Ron's voice was a bit tricky; I didn't want him to sound too childish or too mature so I'm glad you think I found the right touch.

Thanks for the critic; I definitly agree with this point and I'm working on this on the edit in order to correct this. Actually, when I re-read this chapter, I could not believe how many times I had used that word!!

Thanks again, I really appreciate this!


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Review #56, by Manga_girl Sortings and brilliant plans

7th January 2012:
Hello,

And another great chapter Akussa! So far, the plot idea is amazing and original. I cannot wait to see what happens next when they get 'inside' the letters if you like. I have never seen the idea before and it certainly sounds exciting to read!

The dialogue between characters is good in this chapter and it has definitely improved from the last. It isn't wooden but flows well and sounds really realistic.

This flows really well. It all leads from one part to another perfectly and the reader really knows what is going on. One thing I could say about flow was when Teddy came in, it got a bit confusing at what exactly was going on and interrupted it slightly but that was explained later on in the chapter so that is fine!

I love your word choice and characterisations, well done! Off to read and review the next chapter,

E x

Author's Response: Hello and thanks so much for this nice review! I'm glad you found this original; we know that can be hard to come by sometimes!

The Teddy does break the flow a little. I'll admit I was trying something different! I am going through an edit right now and I'll definitly check this part, just to make sure people keep reading the explanation after it!

Thanks again for this review, it gives me a lot of confidence to read such niceness :)


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Review #57, by Manga_girl Finding the box

7th January 2012:
Hello,

What a great start to this story! I love the plot idea and all the things in the box would have such memories for Ron. And the SPEW badge made me laugh.

I really like how this started, the idea is so cute and especially how you portrayed the beginning was great! The idea's are really cool and quirky!

I have one bit of constructive criticism. The dialogue is coming off as slightly wooden. But apart from that, I saw no grammar mistakes or spelling errors!

Your word choice is great, it flows well and I can't wait to see what happens next!

E x

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for this kind review, glad you enjoyed the first chapter!

I thank you also for you honest comment about the dialogue. I am working on it at the moment actually and I hope I can make it better (fingers crossed!).



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Review #58, by CambAngst Finding the box

6th January 2012:
Ah, memories! I loved the SPEW badge and the Bezoar! Good times. This chapter is short, but I get the feeling that **a lot** of good things are coming.

Your characterization of the bored teenagers trying to stay cool and entertained at their grandparents' house was terrific. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find, but with over 50 reviews, I'm guessing this chapter has been thoroughly vetted.

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hehe, thanks so much for this lovely review!

Haven't we all been bored to death on a long summer days? It always amazed me how much people around me couldn't wait for school to me over and then, weeks later, be bored and could not wait to go back to school!

Ah yes, I have had amazing reviewers come before and point out the misakes. Still, I'm doing a re-write at the moment and I did find some things that needed correcting! I guess our work really never is over, is it?

Thanks again for this review and I hope you will enjoy the rest as well!


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Review #59, by Marauder_Weasley Spiders and Snake

6th January 2012:
LOVE THE STORY TOTALLY AMAZING UPDATE SOON PLEASE

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoy my little story! I will try and update as soon as possible, if chapter 16 decides to work with me a bit that is...

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Review #60, by Jc Spiders and Snake

5th January 2012:
This story Line is so interesting I always wanted to see the kids reactions to their parents adventures and this chapter was amazing I loved it. I love how you portray Ron in this and show his emotions in their adventures and having the kids watch it gives a funny and nice spin on their adventures. I am curious are you going up all the way through Deathly Hallows? Love your story can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi and thanks so much for taking the time to review!
I have not really decided when I will stop but DH will definilty be tricky considering they were on the run and did not send letters, I will have to think of something else. The same can be said about Order of the Phoenix since they were not allowed to write anything in their letters. Considering that year is going to come sooner, I'm more focused on finding a way to do that one at the moment. I know I still have two years to do before but, you have no idea how fast they go by!!!

Thanks again for reviewing, I am really happy to know that you like my story so far, I'm having a great time writting it so it's nice to see that it gets through to readers!


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Review #61, by ariellem The hard lessons of self-control

30th December 2011:
Hello again! Thanks for teaching me about the links. :)

I just want to say that I'm sorry my reviews are so short, but other then fangirling over how great the stories are and how great the characters are written there's not much else to say.

However I did like that bit you put in with Percy, I thought it was really sweet, and I liked how you showed the kids how nasty Draco was to them, so it explains why they never liked Scorpius. :)

Author's Response: It was my pleasure to help you with the links!

As for the reviews, don't feel bad. A review don't need to be long, as long as it comes form the heart. Just erading that someone likes what you write is a pleasure to me and I appreciate it just as much as a long, flourished review.

The part with Percy was pretty hard to write and some people thought it was out of character for him to act like this toward Ron but, I'm not so sure. As for the bubble scene, I thought it would be a better idea then to show a bunch of short scenes in a row, just to prove my point. The idea is to show exactly what you understood, that Ron does his best to accept Scorpius but he has his limits considering all that the boy's father put him through.


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Review #62, by ariellem The Rejected-Boys' Christmas

30th December 2011:
Hello again! Great chapter (like always), I love the way you write Ron. In every story he's abused, and made into an idiot just so Hermione can be with someone else, but here you write him as a loyal best friend, and a true hero, which he really is!

JKR would approve. :)

Author's Response: I love Ron so much and I have to agree with you, rarely do we see him written really in-character. I wanted to give him the place he deserves with this story, to show that he was present and he had an opinion on what was happening.

You think she would? Well, just for saying you think so, it made my day, Thanks so much!


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Review #63, by ariellem Bravery comes in tiny packages apparently

30th December 2011:
Hello!

Again another great chapter! I loved how everyone was finding out things that their parents hadn't told them, or were exaggerated. You're a great writer!

Author's Response: Wow thanks so much for this comment! This story is just so much fun to write that it makes me really happy that people enjoy it as well.

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Review #64, by ariellem Little lies corrected

29th December 2011:
LOVED THIS CHAPTER! I loved how the kids got to see how their parents lied to them. And the bit about Hermione was hysterical!

I hope I get you again for the review tag!

Author's Response: thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed! It was a lot of fun to play with the story and imagine what the Trio might have decided wasn't suitable for their children's ears.
And of course, Hermione! I had to make the most out of the short time Ron disliked her!


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Review #65, by Your Secret Santa :) Valentine and Azkaban

23rd December 2011:
This is a very interesting plot. I've never seen anything like this before, it's very unique. I like it :) I like how the kids compare the story they were told with the actual story. They certainly will have a lot to talk to their parents about. Something I'd like discussed? Hmm. I'm not sure. Start singing the poem :D I'd love to read Ginny's reaction (and Harry's!) if they did. Anyway, great job, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much for this review, simply saying that you thought this was interesting and original made my day!

The discussion will be a good one, although it will be toned down a bit considering that the last scenes they will witness will be after Ginny's capture. I take you idea and will work with it, thanks! Can't wait to see who you are so I can credit you though!!


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Review #66, by ariellem First Look at Hogwarts' Fall 1991

18th December 2011:
“Dad really overuses the adjective ‘wicked’”

Rose is right on the money with that statement, again a very funny and enjoyable chapter!

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed and yeah, that sentence was so much fun to write! I made that comment to myself when I was reading the books the first couple of times.

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Review #67, by ariellem Sortings and brilliant plans

18th December 2011:
Hello again! This story is great! I noticed you had a couple typos, but nothing big and it was still easy to understand. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'll definitly go back and look for typos. It bothers me so much to leave them (and yet I am so bad at finding them in my own work)...

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Review #68, by EverDiggory Finding the box

18th December 2011:
I laughed so much! I like the subtle characterization, that was absolutely excellent! It was a teensy weensy little bit lacking in setting details. Just a little though. I can already tell that characterization is your strength!
Great start! Cannot wait to continue!
By the way,this is EverMalfoy here with your review! 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much, glad you enjoyed!
I love these characters so it was easy to describe them and give them life. As for the detailing, I will definitly get working on that; usually people tell me I put too much of them in so, I'm glad you're opening the door so I can write more!!!


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Review #69, by HartOfARebel Valentine and Azkaban

17th December 2011:
Wahey to updating =D
Brill chapter..I love the additions to the story that you've put in. Like the scene in the common room when they talk about what subjects to take and the lads tease Harry about the poem! It's really nice to see things from Ron's point of view..like in the hospital wing when his emotions effected the Next Gen kids.

Eh, as for questions..I really want them to ask Hermione if she could move her tail when she was a cat..and did it twitch when she was annoyed like it does in real cats?? lol
Ask Ginny what in Merlin's name possessed her to right a poem for Harry and get it sent to him from a singing 'cherub' x)
Ask Ron did he love/like Hermione at yet!
Ask Hermione did she love/like Ron yet!
Al probably wants to know why he's named after Snape =/ For the first 6 and a half years of knowing Snape, they hated him and he seemed to hate them...complicated stuff!

A question I picked up from another reviewer...where's James at?

Update soon =] I love(!!!) this story!

Author's Response: Aahh, thank you so much for such a nice review, I'm gla dyou liked this chapter.
I love writtin things from Ron's view, he would remember the moments like this, the ones that make him laugh, much more then Harry would.

I'm glad you liked the hospital wing scene. I will need to re-write it but the idea is there and I thought it would be a different way to show Ron's feelings considering he isn't one to voice them or write them to his parents.

Love the questions! Thank you so much!
As for the last one, where is James, well, you have to remember that James is 16 at that time so he would be anywhere except with his younger siblings at their grandparents' house during summer. I will put a word in the next chapter though, because a lot of people ask. Also, it had nothing to do with the character, but I did think that 5 kids would be too much for the story; it was easier to cut him then the others since it would have meant either 2 siblings or 2 of the same age gone.

The next update will be after the holiday break, sorry, but it's impossible for me to write it all before the queue closes. Real life is horrible these days...


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Review #70, by Becka Potter The game of life and death

14th December 2011:
omg i love dis story :DDD can't wait to hear wat happens next 10/10 :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm having a blast writting this story and I'm glad you enjoyed!

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Review #71, by Ronsgirl29 Finding the box

13th December 2011:
Hello :)

I'm really excited to read this story! A lot of plots can get a bit repetitive on here because it's all within the same universe, but this is really original! Ron is my favorite character, so I'm interested to see how his memories are going to shape the story. I also like the little quirks you've given some of the next gen characters. Rose and Hugo remind me of how my siblings and I act ahah.

Can't wait for the rest!
-ronsgirl29

Author's Response: Hi!
Ron is the greatest and so underestimate, I hope this story puts him into light!
I agree that the plot ideas can get repetitive and considering this story is taken directly from canon and following the books' storyline, some things will definitly be a repetition of the original but the idea here, is to add more flesh to these stories; give them a more "homey" feel.
Thanks so much for your comments, particularily comparing your relation to your siblings to the ones in this story, makes me feel a bit more secure about how I created them!


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Review #72, by Shannedo Finding the box

12th December 2011:
Lovely story! I was referred here from the forums (Review the person above you in the Gryffindor common room) and I have to say I will definitely be reading the rest of this! The characters are really funny and I can't wait to read the rest. 10/10

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for saying this, I'm glad you enjoyed your read! The next gen Weasleys are so much fun to write; they're born with the perfect genes for adventure and curiosity!! I hope you keep on reading and let me know what you think of the rest!

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Review #73, by ariellem Finding the box

11th December 2011:
Hello Ramona Flowers! :)

I like this, it's a nice start and it's hard to believe that you're a beginning author because it's so nicely written. I like the name G-mum too, it sounds like something George would totally do.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind review!
I'm blushing like crazy here, reading that you think I write nicely!!
G-mum is a George thing, isn't it? I do believe that Molly would enjoy it as well; who wouldn't really? Petunia maybe ? :)


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Review #74, by gingersnape The Rejected-Boys' Christmas

8th December 2011:
Hi Akussa!
This is sucha wonderful story and it is just as adorable and yet thought provoking as it was when I started reading! You really have a way of capturing the emotions that were in the books and the comments from the kids are hilarious!

This chapter was really nice because it is easy to forget just how close Harry and Ron were and what family meant for Harry. Belonging is at the heart of the series and you captured the different perspectives on it beautifully with the bits of the letter, the commentaries from the kids, and the scenes themselves.

I can't wait to keep reading and I hope you're doing well,

Annie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review!

I think this is my favorite chapter in the entire story so far; to me, that Christmas was a turning point in Harry's relationship with the Weasley clan. They were the only ones in the Gryffindor House so the older boys had to accept Harry as one of their own; the sixth brother.
I completly agree with you that belonging is one of the main theme of the series and I'm glad you consider that I managed to capture that as well.

I am doing horribly occupied but well none the less, hoping you are doing good as well and thanks again!


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Review #75, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Bravery comes in tiny packages apparently

7th December 2011:
Fred and George threw a bunch of dungbombs at Filch and they have to clean the Great Hall by hands while Filch lists the types of physical punishment he wishes to give them.

Made me giggle, especially once the kids reacted to it. I feel like I'm reading Harry Potter all over again and I haven't since the final book came out. So it's nice to reread the stories but also with a bit of a twist because the reactions add a nice flavor to the story!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! This is exactly what I want the readers to feel!
I used to like reading those kind of "the (X people) read the books" kind of story but it never satisfied me! I always felt like there were all those missing little moments in those books that could have been exploited a bit more.
The books follow a stick timeline and action/suspence storyline but a lot of little, unimportant moments pass by; moments that are not worth writting in a book but that strenghtens the friendship and makes the kids grow up. I know it's not a perfect story but if it brings a smile on the reader's face, than I'm happy as well!


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