I'd love a sequel, especially since so there's so much conflict left in the story!Author's Response: Cool, glad there's so much call for a sequel. There's also a few one-shots that will be coming out in the interim, which will cover some of the conflicts (first one is in the queue already).
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
i loved it! i'm excited for your sequal! how soon will it be up?Author's Response: Not for quite a while - I'm still working on the details of the plot line, and after all the problems with ending this story, I'm not willing to start writing it until I know how it will end.
However, given the amount of thought that's gone into it, I definitely will be writing it eventually, so watch this space! Report Review
Well I'm glad there will be a sequel because the ending did seem a bit abrupt for my liking. Very cute though, I love the article a nice touch!
Can;t wait for part 2!Author's Response: Darn - it seems that this ending is too abrupt for everyone. There has been a re-write done, but I think I may have to do another one, given the response to this. Hope you have a chance to check out the revised version - it's in the queue now, and should be up within a few days.
Thanks for all your support with this! Report Review
I'm really glad there's a sequel because it was abrupt to say the least. It was a bit obvious, but that's not bad and whoever said simplicity was a bad thing?? I liked it for all it's simple obvious glory. Work on spelling and grammar though (just an FYI the word excerpt has an R in it) it was good though I applaud you.Author's Response: Hi,
Thanks for R&R! Glad you liked it, but I've done a bit of a re-write anyway, as it felt too abrupt. Hopefully with the new alterations it will seem a bit smoother. Oh, and thanks for the spelling shout out (I must have been typing too quickly!) Report Review
Wow, great ending actually. And, woot, another one!Author's Response: Glad you liked it. However, since you read it I've actually re-written it (yes, already - I did say I wasn't happy with it!) Hope it still gets positive reviews then, but thanks for your words of encouragement now! Report Review
Okay a really quick one here. You use two different forms of deadpanned I think. One with a hyphen and one without.
Consistency is key :P
Anyways, I loved the last line. It was pretty good. And a bit of development between Lily and Scorpius - AND we get to hear more about her background! Nice.
JDAuthor's Response: OK, so the validators are going to be pissed with me - I've put about five chapters under the knife so far, and this one will be next (as you are right, consistency IS king).
Glad you liked the last line - as the chapters progressed, I lost a lot of the inner monologue humour, but the odd bit is still there!
Yeah - I have a very elaborate back story worked out for every character, but I often forget to let the readers know about it, so I tried to rectify it.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ah, Capella - so good to see you again. I trust you're doing well? AND! That's a pretty good play on words no? (I'll be emotionally shattered if you answer with 'no' . . .)
Seriously though! I have another SLIGHT grammar mix up for you to consider:
[ He always said he liked working with me because I was the one girl clever enough not to date him, which was worrying true. ]
Shouldn't that near the end read 'worryingly true'? Some food for thought ;)
[ When did I become someone who’s nervous around a guy? ]
I'm slightly in wonderment about this line. While she had indeed held her own against Scorpius in the past, after reading Lily's inner monologue's throughout the novella I get the funny feeling that when away from Scorpius . . . well, this line doesn't strike me as genuine. I don't know.
I think perhaps the way she's thanked him is lame. haha - but really. I'd buy that on its own, you know? "You stopped two guys from hexing me, thank you oh so much, er, yeah." When they're kind of friends already anyway?
I don't know . . . And it isn't dull you worry wort! You've introduced an important and poignant new character - you continue to develop Lily as a person too - the potions was interesting as well.
It didn't feel too long, and you were able to get more interactions out of the way. I can't say I like Lily's friends much. They don't strike me as . . . well, I don't know. I don't feel like their tangible - if that makes sense? Aiden seems more deep than the two girls.
And that is not to say I'm not liking what I'm reading. I don't know. It always feels like negative things take longer to say than positive ones - and the whole review has taken a negative toll.
Oh well. I hope you won't think ill of me!
JDAuthor's Response: Of course I won't think ill of you (you worry wart!) Con crit is of the good!
In regards to the fact that she feels the need to thank him - it is lame, but that's kind of the point. She normally acts in a reasonable way around guys (see interaction with Aiden, for example) but with Scorpius, she keeps becoming both tongue tied and overly polite. Also, while on the one hand, he was only doing what anyone would do, on the other, he was openly standing up for someone he was supposed to hate against his own friends (and yes, we then find out that they're not really friends, but she wasn't to know that). That's my explanation. On a second look, nervous is definitely the wrong word though... changes will be made.
To be honest, the friends were initially props for the storyline. Then I got a bit more serious with them and tried to give them actual characters. However, those characters are somewhat shallow, so if they come across that way, then I've succeeded. However, they do have some redeeming features, which I hope will come across later in the story.
Glad you liked the rest - particularly Aiden. He won't appear much in the rest of this story, but he's pivotal for the sequel (yeah, I created a character for the sequel).
Thanks so much for the insightful review! Report Review
[ I had eventually had to wrap it up, ]
I'm pretty sure that one of those 'hads' should be removed preferably the first one, I think.
Sorry about that, but I just figured as I found things I'd come down here real quick to get them out of the way!
And the chapter's clean beyond that! Not that I wasn't expecting it to be. ;)
Anyways, I quite liked the bit about the password. I didn't know 'Fiddlesticks' WAS the password until the Fat Lady chimed in. Quite clever there.
Poor Chelsea, eh? Well, I'm sure it'll all work out in the end anyways.
JDAuthor's Response: Yay - you're the first person to comment on what I thought was quite a clever little pun (I amuse myself at least). So yeah, glad that worked for you.
Don't worry about Chelsea - she's far too lovely for me to let her suffer long.
And as for the had issue - whoa, how did that one slip past me? On it right now!
Thanks for your keen eye and honest opinions; these kind of things really help my writing! Report Review
i am really glad your thinking of doing a sequel ,i have always liked lily scopius together more than rose and scorpius thank you for your story it was greatAuthor's Response: Glad you liked it. There will probably be a bit of a break between this and the sequel, just because it's going to be a pretty major project, and I want to have a play using different styles via one shots first. However, I already have a base plot-line worked out, so it WILL happen, eventually.
Thanks for all your continued support! Report Review
All in all, I felt this story was really good. I liked how you incorporated the magical Lily and how Scorpius tried to save Lily from impending doom at the Quidditch game.
If you were to rewrite this chapter though, I'd make two small suggestions. Firstly, I don't think Scorpius is the type who would keep fighting for her like that. It's hard for any guy to face rejection and I think if she wouldn't let him apologize once or twice, he'd stop trying and give up. I feel like their relationship is in too early of a stage for her to mean that much to him yet that he would beg and plead for her to come back over so long a time.
That brings me to my other suggestion: I don't think he should tell her that he loves her yet. It just feels like things went a bit too fast at the end. They've only know each other for what, two months? I don't think he could honestly say those words and mean them so soon, nor do I think a teenage boy could say those words so easily in public. Guys have a tendency not to be as open with their emotions and I don't think he'd admit that in front of the whole Great Hall.
I really hope you don't take these suggestions personally, as they are merely suggestions. I did really enjoy the fic as is and wouldn't be upset if you didn't fix it at all. And may I just say how excited I am that you're going to do a sequel? Squee! I was hoping you would! I can't wait to see what happens between the two once they are openly dating (it's nice to know from the news article that Harry already approves, even if we don't know Draco's opinion yet).
By the way, I really liked the news article and I hope you leave it up :).
Anyways, happy writing and I hope to read the sequel sometime soon!
-P.G.Author's Response: Yeah... see, this is the problem - in my head there is a lot of back story behind his feelings for her, and so his declaration makes sense. In the story as written though, it's not there, so it thus makes no sense. May have to have a play with it, so that either the additional stuff comes through, or so that he seems more like the seventeen-year-old he's supposed to be. Anyways, thanks for the con-crit; will definitely bear it in mind on the inevitable re-write.
Glad you liked the epilogue - it was largely written due to the otherwise unanswered questions that you raised in previous reviews!
Thanks, as ever, for your honest and insightful comments! Report Review
Aw, I loved the cute family ending! Poor Scorpius though--the boy doesn't understand what happened! I wonder if he'll stop trying, since he hasn't known Lily that long and he could probably get someone else easily. Hopefully she'll give him a chance to explain... I'd love a happy ending!
-P.G.Author's Response: Well, the answer to that question is now up - I hope it doesn't disappoint! Also, keep an eye out over the next week... that's all I'm saying! Report Review
No worries on being slow Capella!
Seriously, this is definitely a good chapter - as the basis for character development! We get to see Lily interact with her friends on some interesting moments.
It's good. Don't worry about the slow factor. Tell the story the way you want to tell it. Worry not about popularity (though its rather hard to avoid that I know) . . .
Well, that's all the advice I can give. I could elaborate. Write to express yourself. Trust in yourself. You are a good writer. I promise. Very very mix ups in grammar, a good story, a grasp of your characters. And I know you have a plot. So let me hear it. You know? Confidence!
Erh. Anyways, cheers to a good chapter,
JacksonAuthor's Response: Yay! You like this chapter (and I'm beginning to trust that you'd let me know if it was lacking!)
The plot will continue - in fact, as of this evening the completed story should be up - though I'm very unsure about the ending (I wrote a beginning and a middle, but the ending was rubbish, so I re-wrote it!)
Thanks for all the encouragement - I hope you have a chance to read the later chapters, and they live up to your opinion of my writing so far. Report Review
You're characters are definitely poignant. And I do like this story, I promise.
I kind of feel as though I've read this before, however, at least when dealing with the way Lily and Scorpius interact.
I outside of the romance, though, I definitely feel refreshed!
It's overall grand - including the romance, but I do believe you're shining in areas away from Lily's inner monologue in the world you have created, Next Generationally speaking (yeah, I totally just made that word up)
Anyways, I'm pleased to see you include a plot twist at the end ;) I think I see a derailing in the story I thought I was reading! Definitely a good thing (I feel like I say definitely a lot . . . I'm going to go grab a thesaurus real quick!), I think.
Jackson!Author's Response: Yeah - to be honest, a lot of this story is 'inspired' by other stories (from TV, films and books, not generally other fanfic) - I would never claim to be cliche free. I hope you find it becoming a little less obvious as it continues, but I can't promise anything.
Hope the plot twist lives up to your expectations, though I fear it might be even more cliched than the start!
Glad you're enjoying the non-romantic areas - the story will have a lot outside of Scorpius/Lily, but not necessarily non-romantic.
Thanks for your insightful review! Report Review
Bigger prat in what way?'' I asked.
^ I think you've left a quotation mark off the end of that ^.^
I dunno what it is with me, but I figure little grammar mistakes are hard find unless people show you. That's what I'm for!
At least, I like to think that's what I'm for.
Regardless! I see you have wit, which is a great touch! I think it's fun to read, most definitely, and I especially wonder what exactly you'd mean about the 'star crossed lovers' thing up at the top!
Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating?Author's Response: Thanks for the grammar shout out - I'll go correct it now. Definitely like to be told rather than have it stay incorrect!
I might, potentially, be suggesting that a pairing across family divides might eventually occur. However, there will be no daggers or poison. I don't roll that way.
Glad you're enjoying my attempt at humour - hopefully it'll keep up in the later chapters. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hi Black. Since you wanted me to actually look at the last two I'll read up until then - leaving you little tidbits along the way - if that's okay with you?
I like how you opened with a Quidditch match. Definitely in your face. Erm. Good job on it too. I mean, yikes it was a tense game! Gryffindor only have 8 scores are 43 minutes! Slytherin and the Gryffies were both working hard XD
All in all it was pleasant.
JacksonAuthor's Response: Thanks! I didn't want to do the long descriptive first chapter, so I thought I'd jump straight in, and attempt to show who everyone was. A quidditch match seemed a good way to do that!
Glad you thought that match seemed tense - it was supposed to, but I'm never sure about how well I write suspense (probably because I know what's going to happen, so I think it's obvious!)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey, I've been looking for some good Lily Luna reads and was really impressed by this. I can tell the effort you put into researching spells, etc and making things canon-compliant. I really like your OCs and the fact that you gave them friends outside of the Potter-Weasley clan. I also liked that you gave the nextgen their own personalities. I've seen a lot of James I as James II, Draco as Scorpius, Hermione as Rose, etc but how often are kids exactly like their parents? Just my pet peeve. Anyway, I love how you managed to make each character charming in their own way.Author's Response: Wow - glad you liked it. The OC's were originally very two dimensional in my head, but then they somehow became people to me, with their own sub-plots and all! The same with the canon next-gen - as I wrote them, I started imagining personalities beyond the cliches. I wasn't sure how well I had portrayed them though, so I'm glad it came across. Also, yes, I have begun to live on the HP lexicon, so thanks for noticing!
Thanks for reviewing, it really helps me write more, and know where to focus my effort. Final chapter up by the end of the week! Report Review
First off thank you for the shout out!
I have to say I am feeling sorry of Scorpius following Lily around like some lost puppy, so cute but sad at the same time. Good progress in this chapter, can't wait for more!Author's Response: He tries with her, but only the final chapter will tell if he succeeds. Next chapter up soon!
Thanks for the reviews - as I said, they really have helped me write! Report Review
really enjoying this story hope they get back togetherAuthor's Response: Well, just one final chapter to go, so we'll see soon enough!!
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I'm so sorry this has to be so short since this chapter was excellent but I have class in less than 5 minutes. This chapter was wonderful, and I just want to grab Lily and comfort her. I'm so attached to this. You did a wonderful job and I really can not wait to read more. James handled it a bit better than I was expecting, but after thinking, its what any big brother would do. I can't wait to see how Scorpius handles this. Wonderful chapter!Author's Response: Yeah, James is largely the bad guy in this story, but that's partly because I'm writing it from Lily's point of view, and she may be a little biased; he actually has some good points too, and certainly loves his li'l sis.
Please, you have less than nothing to be sorry about - you've just reviewed every chapter of this story with useful insight; that is.. well there aren't adequate words for how awesome that makes you.
Next chapter up any time now, but be warned, Scorpius may not handle it as well as you'd hope...
Thanks again; off to write the epilogue! Report Review
Okay. This was brilliant. He gave her chocolate on Valentine's Day, they kissed, they got busted. Oh wow. I'm trying very hard to not have a fangirl moment. This was wonderful, excellently written. I'm so sad that there is only one other chapter up and waiting, I'm so addicted. Wonderful job.Author's Response: Then you will be pleased to hear that the next chapter is awaiting validation, and the last proper chapter is being beta'd - just the epilogue to write.
Yeah, this is definitely the eventful chapter - I had this written before I'd even started chapter two, so I'm glad it was worth it. Thanks so much! Report Review
Oh I'm definetly still reading. Not getting any work done, but still reading. I'm loving this! He noticed that she put some effort into her appearance, that was so sweet!
Okay, okay, I'm calm. No more gushing. This is going great Capella, and you are so very talented. I am 100% addicted to this story. She doesn't want to let him go...okay next chapter.Author's Response: So, I got no work done when writing this, and now I've stopped you working - this story is officially bad for the economy!
Please, gush away; I'm now looking like the Cheshire cat as a result! Glad you're still enjoying, reading, and taking the time to review! Report Review
Poor Lily! Stuck in a family love triangle, that has to be so awkward for her. Her friends coming to her for advice on her cousins. But that dream at the beginning, wow! She's falling hard for Scorpious, and I think I know what his happy thought was. I'm sorry I sound like such a gushing kid right now, but I'm really enjoying this story. I guess there are a lot of perks of writing in first-person.Author's Response: Yup - I'm currently writing two stories, one in first person, one in third. Got to say, generally I find first person easier, though sometimes it can be really difficult to set up plot twists believably - see chapter nine for example!
Awkward is definitely the word - wouldn't be her for all the magic in the world (well, OK I would, but it would be a tough decision!) And yeah, you probably do know; it won't be revealed in this story, though I am writing a 'companion piece' from Scorpius' point of view.
Thanks for reviewing!
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
I really enjoyed this chapter, and had a momentary memory lapse wondering why Goyle didn't have any children...*blush*
Really though, this story is getting better by the chapter and I'm loving it. I added it to my favorites finally. And no, I didn't find this chapter dull and obviously I made it to the end. It did seem to lag a bit when she was being taken to the hospital wing, but it was a necessary spot and set up another moment for the two of them.Author's Response: If you think that's bad, imagine how silly I felt when, after posting this, I realised it was Crabbe that died in the Room of Requirement, not Goyle. My clearly lame excuse is that they're Vincent Crabbe's nephews... yeah, my bad. So actually Goyle may well have kids, though really, would you have kids with him?
Yeah, I found the hospital scene hard to write (crustacean pun aside), but as you said, it had to be done. Still, might have a look at it, give it a tweak or two.
Thank you so much for all your encouraging words - you are awesome. Report Review
Well, that explains what he needed help with. Poor Scorpious, you just want to hug the boy. The Potter/Malfoy rivalry lives on even through their children sadly. This is very very good, and I just can't stop reading which is a good thing for you since I review. I keep wondering what will happen when her family finds out about these lessons. Please tell?Author's Response: Well, they're not going to be thrilled, I feel. However, never underestimate Lily's ability to keep a secret, so it may be a while before we find the answer to that. Good to know you want to hug him - he's definitely not the most loved individual in this story.
So happy you're enjoying this, as your reviews are encouraging me to get round to the epilogue at last! Thanks! Report Review
Lily's reaction was very realistic, you don't have to worry about that. I'm still interested in this and am slowly becoming addicted to this paring. You're doing good, I'm not finding any grammar issues that would need pointing out and I'm really interested about what her secret is. What is it?Author's Response: Well, from my review page, it seems that you have now discovered the answer to that! Hope it didn't seem too clichÃƒÂ©d when you did find out, but glad to know I've kept you reading thus far.
Thanks for another lovely review! Report Review
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