Reading Reviews for The Last Keepers Of The Light
58 Reviews Found

Review #26, by patronus_charm Chapter One

14th November 2013:
Here for the review swap!

I really liked the description in this as I found it very sensual so I could really imagine it happening to me. Also it really created a good opening by easing the reader as you gradually opened up your main character more and more through it and it was a nice technique.

The mystery in this chapter was really great. It definitely raised a lot of questions such as what exactly does she have to do with the Death Eaters, whatís her background and why does she know too much about Malfoy Manor. All of these things will make the reader want to read on and having suspense in the first chapter is always a good idea in my opinion. Then the Holy Grail Ė that was a great mix of magic and muggle.

I thought the Death Eaters were also characterised well and the mixture of prominent and less prominent ones was nice and I hope you continue to explore their character.

If I can just give a couple of CCs. In these three sentences ĎSome of my hair pooled onto the floor while the rest had been caught under the metal collar around my throat. My neck itched from the strands of hair stuck to it from the sweat and the humidity in the room. If my calculations were right, it was mid-July. My fourth month here. Ď you used my quite a lot so perhaps vary it up by omitting it now and then. It will make it more effective with the change of it. Then I found the paragraphs a little longer than usual making it harder to concentrate so perhaps splitting them up will help it a little.

Also we never found out your MCs first name only her surname and to connect to her more it might be nice to include it here.

Just a few things to clear up really, but other than that I thought it was a really great first chapter!


Author's Response: Hi there!

Sorry this is a little late :/

Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you liked it!! I did take note of what you said and have made sure I split my paragraphs up a bit more because a few more people have said that they're a teeny bit large *ah* Also, I'll be watching out for those pesky repetitions!

Thank you for the lovely review,

bella :)

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Review #27, by toomanycurls Chapter Eight

6th November 2013:

You did a great job with the flashback in the beginning of the chapter. It started off with the snow outside the inn and flitted back in a way that was tangetially connected to her present situation. I find that most real memories that come up are like that.

I understand Imogen's sense of urgency. I'm sure it was terrifying to think of Yaxley getting everything first.

:-o Maeve is an imposter?!?! That was out of left field (in a well done way). I can't believe Imogen didn't suspect! It's Ludo?! I thought he died after GoF (well, I know Igor did). Wow - that was intense.

This was quite the dramatic chappie! I hope they're able to get Maeve.


Author's Response: Hi there!

Sorry this reply is a little it late, life is hectic :/

Annnyway, I hope you enjoyed the little plot twist there and yup Bagman has made quite the little appearance again! Haha,

Thank you so much for the lovely review I hope you carry on reading!

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Review #28, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Nine

4th November 2013:

I can't resist myself, I must tear apart the first paragraph because it is fantastic. First of all, the imagery was lovely. Tied into that is your beautiful use of personification that really set the tone and mood of the chapter. Then there was a quick deduction of what "emotion" the thunder held. And this line- "Was Mother Nature angry that I was so much better at brooding than she?" Holy crows! I'm at a loss for words at all of this. I've been quite hung up on this paragraph for a while now and all I can think to say is: Genius!

Imogen's reaction to Arian's violent response to his visions was very realistic. The details provided were lovely, acting as perfect descriptions in a scene filled with movement.

The line "he's also one sandwich short of a picnic" was fabulous. I've heard many similar sayings alluding to one's mental stability, but never that one. It cracked me up :).

I also found Draco's slight annoyance at the idea of (for lack of a better term) babysitting Arian quite funny.

In this chapter I particularly liked the way you kept referring to the storm in order to reflect the interpersonal turmoil occurring in the plot. It was a perfect use of symbolism, if you ask me.

My Rowling...there is so much that I can comment on in this chapter! It has to be my favorite so far. It gets gold stars! YOU get gold stars! Even Draco and Imogen get gold stars!


My favorite part was Draco's rationalization of good versus bad. I had this very discussion in one of my theory classes last year. It turned out to be a very heated, opinionated debate that lasted the entire block. Not once did anybody mention love as a factor. It was a brilliant component in the good v. bad dynamic that I had never considered before. Now you've got Rumpel thinking. :D

The way the story is moving along is quite lovely. It's like being taken step-by-step though an adventure. You also always leave me yearning for more, the anticipation is really gripping.

I cannot wait for more, although I realize that in this time of the year I will have to wait a bit. That is okay, though, I am a patient Rumpel!

Until next time,

Author's Response: Ah RUMPEL!! I look forward to your reviews like I do Christmas...or maybe even pancake day :p

OK, my weirdness aside, I have to tell you that I am so so so so so completely overwhelmed and touched by that wonderful comment about the first paragraph. I really did not expect it and I am over the moon and smiley because of how much you liked it and the lovely praise! It sure is nice to read such a nice review when I am tearing my hair about an exam that is a day and a half away.

Anyway, I tried to make Arian's vision scene as active and realistic as possible and I solemnly swear I didn't intend to have Imogen standing there like a dumb vegetable but hey, it's her first time seeing something like that. I don't blame her for being slow :p

The whole good VS bad thing was something I hoped would someone how clear the readers and to some point, my own confusion about Draco's character because I always feel as though I NEED to include more information about him. That is why a huge chunk of this chapter was written from his view. He is after all a main character and I think his POV was necessary to get him as detailed as one.

As far as debates go, if your class ever have one again, you know what to do! *cheesy smirk*

Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for this wonderful review and I promise that as soon as this hectic week is up, I will post chapter 10 in the queue. It is so tempting tpo write as the queue is so small lately but ugh, I must resist.

Thank you so much again and I hope you stick with Imogen and Draco :)

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Review #29, by lindslo2012 Chapter Nine

4th November 2013:
Wow this was a very intense chapter. I love the way that the Arian guy had that scary vision and he got so sick.. I would have freaked if I was Imogen! I will defidently be reading more even though I have read most the story already. I have no negative things at all to say about this. Beautifully written!! Can't wait to read some more!!!

Author's Response: Aw wow what a lovely review, thank you so much!!

I hope to have another chapter up soon!!

Bella x

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Review #30, by Smil_ Chapter Eight

2nd November 2013:
Can't wait for more! :)

Author's Response: I should have another update soon! :)

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Review #31, by Cannons Chapter Three

2nd November 2013:
hey bella!

Sorry for the wait!

Anyway after the dramatic end to the last chapter this was an intriguing little twist, one that I didn't see coming. In fact who am I kidding. That was a big twist and I TOTALLY didn't see it coming.

The shadow figure...interesting...sounds like a likeable enough character ;) I find it quite funny that you have put Yaxley in charge, after Voldemort, it does seem funny but you have made him quite scary even if she does thinks he's stupid.

This was my favourite chapter so far by a long way. I really loved the whole, Draco-isn't-doing-it-for-an-ulterior-motive, you have me completely sold on the fact that he's on the right side for once.

Also the way you described the manor was really chilling, it reminded me of the Riddle house a lot to be honest.

You really know how to write and your chapters flow so naturally and you give the reader the impression that you know exactly where you are going with this. I don't know how much you've planned out but it seems like loads so far.

Is Draco going to team up with her totally now? or is he going to go back to his house without her? what's the holy grail thingy they keep talking about? so many Q's!

Lovely chapter, my favourite so far :)


Author's Response: Hi there!

Well, I'm glad you weren't expecting the plot twist because then that means it's even more of a plot twist than I planned!

Also, I don't quite think I'm done with the shadow figure just yet, so he may make some guest appearances here or there :o

Plus, I decided that I would give Draco a little break from always being the bad guy, poor boy always gets the sharp end of the stick. But that doesn't mean it will always be like that! Muahah * evil smirk *

Well, thank you so much for such a lovely review and I do hope you keep reading!

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Review #32, by toomanycurls Chapter Seven

2nd November 2013:
This chapter is quite interesting!! The contrast between the beginning and end of the chapter is quite noticable. At the start I felt that the balance of power in Imogen and Draco's relationship was swayed towards Draco. In the end, when Imogen and Draco are with people who know and love her, I feel as if Imogen will be able to assert herself as more of an equal rather than the person Draco is babysitting.

I got a good laugh at the walking in on Draco bit. Knocking should be a universal rule though - you never know when people don't have their pants on!

Imogen's descriptions of Draco this chapter seem less positive than they have been preivously (she seemed to be slightly warming up to him preivously and now she's quite critical and negative about him).

Draco's reaction to Arian was really cute. He seemed a bit jealous to me. ;) Can't stand Imogen knowing other guys I guess. Imogen's reaction to "where's your friend" and having to hink that they meant Draco was funny. It emphasizes the idea that they're in the mindset of the other being a resource rather than an ally.

You wrote Imogen's internal conflict at the end really well. I can imagine she felt as if she's putting the only people left to her in danger but is struggling to follow through on her mother's dying wish!

I haven't noticed this in the past few chapters, but it seemed like this chapter had quite a few more typos/word misuse than others. There were a few your/you're mistakes and an acquire/inquire switch. Just thought I'd mention that.

You do a great job slowly adding complexity to the story in a way that makes it not overwhelming for the reader and not too slow either.


Author's Response: Oooo, thank you for yet another lovely review :)

I've decided that by the time chapter twelve rolls around, I hope to have more solid ground when it comes to character relationships so chapter 7 in particular was just me setting the scene I guess.

I am glad you found humor in it though! Everybody loves a little laugh here and there :) And maybe Draco was jealous, I doubt he is the kind of person that takes kindly to any potential competition of any sort I guess!

Thank you once again for a lovely lovely review!

Bella x

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Review #33, by toomanycurls Chapter Six

28th October 2013:
I'm always amused when a chapter is labeled as filler. ^_^ The filler chapters hardly seem that way to the reader - they just add background plot stuff.

I absolotely love your first line. It's so grabbing and makes the content instantly interesting. The idea of Imogen arguing with her mother in her head is quite eerie yet makes sense. Imogen's identity pondering is quite fascinating. So often people hear that they are just like their parents. There is a point where adults are just mimicking parents or other role models. After a period of time they form their own self of identity and truly become themselves (or let their identity take over).

You write banter quite well. The ease at which Draco both offers help and mocks is brilliant. One tiny thing - spattergroit has an r in it. I looked it up (not because of the spelling but I forgot what it was exactly). It's a bit amusing how Imogen get so set off by Draco's words but he's just as cool as ever when she gets upset with him. Why is sounding like Trelawney a compliment? She's a bit batty.

Oh man, you make apparation sound more excruciating than the books did. Which makes a lot of sense after the torture and deprivation she's been living through. Tiny nitpick though - why would Draco have heard how well Charlie Weasley did or didn't do in appartation? I mean, he barely remembered Percy's name (and they went to school at the same time). Charlie was graduated by the time he started. I get the whole Malfoys hate Weasleys feud but I don't think that'd lead to swapping botched apparation stories.

Malfoy's comment about being her prince charming cracked me up. I also think it revealed a bit of his feelings towards Imogen.

haha, I liked that Imogen finally touched a nerve with him! It definitely makes sense that he'd not enjoy being called Snape's pet (on so many levels).

You pick such good moments to end your chapters. I mean, ending with a bit of drama and flair is always nice. ^_^

Author's Response: *sqe* I love your reviews so I get rather excited whenever you agree to a review swap haha :)

I'm glad you like reading filler chapters because it's just as fun to write as they are to read. It really gives me the chance to throw in that well over due humour and dialogue I've been itching to include but it didn't really fit in well with the chapters before.
I also personally think that Imogen's identity and the fact that she always chooses to question it is something very important to the fic as a whole. I think the fact that she doesn't accept herself as something and always wants to dig deeper into her own background and personality is a really big catalyst for further plot twists. So I'm so happy that you liked her musings over who she really is compared to her mother.

As for banter, Ah I love writing banter even though it gets me a few tries to get It up to scratch. I think Draco, for me, Is quite a hard character to write banter for because one minute he can be quite brooding and moody and the other he's incredibly sarcastic and quite the little snot rag. I hope I did the whole banter side of things justice :p

As for the all the mistakes, thank you for letting me know and I'll make a list of them all and edit them in the chapter!

Thank you so much for that lovely review :)

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Review #34, by LumosWeasley Chapter One

28th October 2013:
Hey, it's me for the review swap!

First of all, I think this chapter is really good! It definitely sets the stage for the whole story, which is good. The description is very nice to read and I think you did a very good job with it. One thing I might change would be in "...itís hard to be in awe when itís your neck on the block I guess." by getting rid of the "I guess". It's just my opinion, but I think it might strengthen that paragraph ending by making it better. That's just my opinion though, so take any nit-picky things with a grain of salt. It's your story after all!:) The whole "flobberworms for brains" bit added a bit of humor, so that was good!

Overall, I think this is a great beginning to the story, I definitely want to read more!

If you ever want to do any more review swaps, just say so:)


Author's Response: Hi! :)

I'm very glad that you liked the chapter. I wrote so many drafts of it so I'm glad I picked this one.
I actually have the same opinion as you on that particular line, it's always seemed a bit dodgy to me and now I know that the 'I guess' does read a little out of place. Thank you for pointing that out!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

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Review #35, by TNT  Chapter Three

28th October 2013:
Hi there, it's me again.
I just had to laugh right there at the beginning of this chapter. The paragraph were she thinks about being a writer.
This is literally what my fic is about in a way. The main character is a struggling writer caught up in her own book and she's very aware that life is no fairy tale. :-D To be honest, your approach is way more hardcore. I love that :-)

I guess I love your story in general :-) I liked how you portray Malfoy and Imogen. They both feel very real, though we have to know what exactly he needs from her. :-)
Great story! I enjoyed every bit.

Love, T.

Author's Response: Wow thanks so much for another amazing review! I really do appreciate it :)

I think Imogen's strong views and thoughts about wiring comes mainly from her months of torture. With out it I do it she would be half as profound as she actually is. I think you have a wonderful approach with your story!

Thank you so much again for the lovely review :)

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Review #36, by TNT  Chapter Two

28th October 2013:
Didn't realize its you until i clicked the link :-) well, great story, here another review:
I love, love, love how you set the mood :-) I simply love your writing style.
I really can't wait to see what she is actually guarding and who the creepy figure at the end is. I guess some form of Voldemord?

I really dont know what else to say. There is nothing bad about your chapters. I am not a grammar pro, but as far as I'm concered you might be :-)

Seriously, this sounds like such a great story, with an unique idea. I wish we could still use the ratings (visible) I'd give you a straight 10 :-)


Author's Response: Hi there,

Aw what a lovely review! Im so glad that you liked it because I'm a very big critic of my own work so I'm always picking out flaws here there and everywhere.

The character at the end is more like a memory of Voldemort, much like Tom Riddle's memory preserved in his diary. I'm sorry I forgot to make that clear!

Bella x

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Review #37, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Eight

26th October 2013:
Hello there!

The imagery was lovely :). It was a perfect way to set up the scene at the beginning of the chapter. I've noticed you have the tendency to use similar techniques at the beginning of other chapters as well (IE the fist paragraph of chapter 6 setting up the mood, etc.). It's a very powerful technique (gets us readers hooked from the beginning).

Here you've done both. We have a scene set up and then we move right down into the mood. At first the mood created offered a bit of relief as she reflects on the antics of the Weasley twins. Then you used her reflection of the Battle of Hogwarts (and Fred's death :( ) to alter this mood (as well as providing the readers with a bit of background information). Most generally the darker mood would come before the comic relief, so this set up created a frenzy of emotions for me: I was amused, and then sad, but then I was okay as the story progressed. I see why you set it up this way and I quite enjoyed it :)!

Oh look at Rumpel focusing on imagery and tones and moods! Moving right along.

Plot twist! That was a shock. The execution was brilliant. I've never been any good at effective plot twists so I can't help but feel a bit envious :).

Immogen allowing Bagman to be set free was quite honorable, I think. Her characterization is developing dynamics and that's always fun to read!

The last paragraph was fantastic! I almost expected to see a reference to the quote, but no, it was simply your brilliance!

I can't wait to see where you are going to take this!

Until then,

Author's Response:
*sqe* your reviews are always so lovely and I never know how to respond to them in a way that gives your kind words justice but trust me, they really do make my day!

Originally, this chapter was supposed to start from the scene where 'Maeve' and Imogen have dinner and 'Maeve' comforts Imogen on her mother and her choices. However, I later decided that the chapter was a bit bland and maybe some back story would be nice. Thus, a brand new start to the chapter was created.

I really think that reference to canon characters (such as Fred and George) and their personalities and links with OC characters is very important when it comes down to making a story authentic so that is something I really wanted to try out for myself. Also, many people all over the wizarding world say Dumbledore as a beacon of hope against Voldemort and Imogen is no exception, so that is why I chose to incorporate a bit of Dumbledore-ness into the start of the chapter.

And aw I didn't mean to mess up your emotions! But I guess if I did then maybe I did an OK job with the detail? *hopeful face*

I have never ever planned, wrote and then carried out a plot twist in all my years writing on HPFF. Never. Plot twists and I don't go together well. At all. I always end up going of on a tangent and start writing about Voldemort on a killing spree one second and then sherbet lemons the next. So it's a very happy and proud feeling to know that you liked it, seriously! It made me smile :)

I really hope you carry on reading and thank you so much for being such a faithful reviewer and reader, I appreciate it so much!

Bella :)

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Review #38, by toomanycurls Chapter Five

24th October 2013:
Imogen's musings at the beginning of the chapter are quite interesting. She sounds like someone who has been depraved of human interaction for a while (just that she jumps from topic to topic yet dwells on certain themes). Great job capturing how she moped. :)

I really like her bickering with Draco but his frustration seems to come rather fast. Is he worn out from a day of research? "I'm not the bad one here" makes it sound like she's the bad on. Ehh? And what was Imogen pondering after that statement?!?!

The paragraph about imagination being stronger than knowledge through her no longer fearing death was quite well done. I thought it was very poetic.

Oh man, her feeling after using the wand was quite powerful to read. ^_^

Aw, I really like the emotional turnaround Imogen has at the end. Once she realizes that Draco felt guilty during her imprisonment (or he might feel guilty about duping her now and lying to her about trying to help).

Really great chapter!

Author's Response: I'm very glad that you liked Imogen's chain of thoughts, I tried to make them as understandable and easy as possible since I do have a tendency to go off topic sometimes.

As for the bickering, let's be honest, Draco can be quite the little snot rag from time to time, more so in coming chapters. This is just the start! haha

Also, it's great to know that I did ok on the whole 'powerful' feeling after using the wand, especially for someone who has been deprived of magic for so long. I think Imogen views a wand as right of magic in a way.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

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Review #39, by Cannons Chapter Two

24th October 2013:
Hey, here for our review swap!

I've been meaning to read this chapter anyway!

I was valuable but(and) he knew it. - I don't know if you mean 'and', and 'i' isn't capitalised sometimes and little things - it doesn't matter anyway I was still able to read what is a brilliant chapter!

I love the 'the mind is not a book' quote! I've even got it in my sig, lool, so it was funny when I read it. :) I was like 'woah you copied me!' ;)

Your description of the mannor is amazing, it's like I'm there!

Your OC is amazing and then you had to torture her :o is she going to be ok? Is that Voldemort at the end. because that guy was creepy!

I need your OC to keep fighting!

Author's Response: Ah thanks again for the lovely review, the whole 'but' 'and' mix up was a fault on my part but I've edited that now so hopefully the edited version should be up soon along with a chapter image too *smirk*

Very very glad you like the description of the manor, I tried very hard to get it right. Literally, I think I wrote like 8 different version of that chapter.

The guy at the end was basically a memory of Voldemort's, much like the memory of Tom Riddle trapped in the diary. And you'll have to read and find out to see how Imogen is! *evil smirk again*

Thank you :)

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Review #40, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Seven

22nd October 2013:
I can just picture her almost whacking Draco in the face XP. That made me laugh!

Ah, the plot is thickening! I am so excited!

The introduction of the new characters was flawless in its application. Perfect timing and whatnot. I do love the interactions between the characters in this chapter. Reading them was so much fun! A happy little reunion to warm my heart (save Draco being a sourpuss) was a lovely little scene to help me relax :). Of course, then she put him in his place: "go spread your negativity somewhere else" loved it!

I just about died when Draco took it upon himself to explain why they were there (not to mention that Maeve was speaking to him and not Immogen).

--As a little side note, I've been quite fond of the name Immogen ever since I read Shakespeare's "Cymbeline" so YAY! I never though I would see that name again :).

I feel an adventure coming! Woohoo! I can't wait for the next chapter!!


Author's Response: Once again thank you so much for an Amazing review, you never fail me smile with them :)

As a whole chapter 7 is my most weakest chapter so far ( in my point of view) but you really have me feeling a whole lot better about it so thank you!

An adventure is most certainly on it's way, maybe as soon as chapter 8 hahah

Thank you so much for the time to review, bella :)

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Review #41, by Cannons Chapter One

19th October 2013:
Hi! Here for the review swap :)

So first of all I think that you have done a great job with this first chapter, it is intriguing enough to read on and leaves so many unanswered questions which is great.

You did a really great job in describing your characters situation and how she felt hopeless. Your descriptions about being shackled and the chain on her neck is so powerful and makes such an impact at the start of the chapter.

I love how you made the reference to her being the 13th person at the table, such an ominous reference.

I think you did a great job in describing how rough the Death Eaters are and how she was caught.

Also the difference between the dungeon and the rest of the house was great and your characters mood seems to brighten for a moment.

Draco seems just right, simply born in to the wrong family imo.


Author's Response: Hi!

Such a lovely review, thank you so much :)
Im very glad that you appreciated the little dents in the chapter such as the 13 people just to give the story a little depth. I'm happy that it didn't sound confusing or anything like that haha. Also, draco's character felt a little vague from my point of view so it's good to know that you thought he was written alright!

Thank you again! :)

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Review #42, by randomwriter Chapter One

19th October 2013:
Hello there :) I'm here with your very VERY late review and I'm so sorry! I read this that night, but didn't find the time to leave a review!

Fist of all, I really like the start you've gotten this off to. It was a very nice way to start off the story because the chapter certainly holds a great degree of suspense. It leaves the reader wanting to know more and I applaud you for getting that right! It's really difficult to completely get a reader hooked, but it's worker here :)

I also found your choice of era quite fascinating and interesting. Not many stories are centered around the time when Voldemort's rule was peaking, and for good reason. It's quite a difficult time to write well and master, but you've done quite well! :) Just be careful about staying in cannon ( if you intend to, of course!)

The descriptions were so vivid and pained that I was able to visualize a lot of this and I was able to understand her pain. However, one bit of CC that I have is that there a couple of grammatical errors and a few words which seem out of place, making certain phrases seem a little... um... wrongly worded? I don't know how to put it. Just read through it once and you should be able to fix it! :)

I really enjoyed this chapter, and I apologize once again for how late I am in leaving this review.
So sorry!

Author's Response: Oh don't worry I know the feeling of being busy haha

I'm so glad you like the chapter, especially it being the open chapter and creating suspense was my main goal so I feel very relieved that I have been able to do that.
I do aim to stay somewhat in canon even though some parts of the plot will be completely bizarre and made up.

This chapter was Beta'd but I think the grammatical errors was just me being a bit crazy :p

Thank you so much for reviewing! :)

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Review #43, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Six

16th October 2013:
Oh dear, I missed that you had updated! Don't I feel foolish!

This was a particularly entertaining chapter. After all who doesn't enjoy some good filler from time to time, it helps provide more in-depth analysis of characters.

Obviously my favorite line this time was "You can't argue..last word." That entire first paragraph where she is attempting to reason with her mother is quite brilliant. It's almost as if her mother is acting as her inner thoughts and emotions that she doesn't want to deal with. Reasoning with them (her mother) in her own way is a genius idea, by the way.

I like how Draco tramples over her nerves so easily. It's humorous and a great way to develop their relationship. Draco's comment "I'd practically be your Price Charming" is absolutely perfect for his character. I love it!

Also, I am happy to see that Draco is receiving some redemption. I had felt so bad for him throughout the latter part of the series!

This was another fantastic chapter and I apologize for the tardiness of my review! If you are a part of the forums and I am not attentive of your updates again, feel free to PM me! I don't want to miss out!


Author's Response: Don't worry! just the fact that you would take time to write up such an amazing review everytime is enough!

It's very very nice to hear what you think and I was feeling quite 'iffy' on this chapter, so to speak. I know some people don't really like filler chapters so early on in fics but im very glad that you do!
It's good to hear that you liked Draco's development in this chapter because I didn't want to make Imogen and Draco too comfortable with each other too soon :p

I am on the forums, it's the same penname! Feel free to PM me for anything!


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Review #44, by TNT  Chapter One

16th October 2013:
Hi I am here for the review swap :-)
So, I am going through this step by step, but totally unsorted, just how it popped up in my mind:
First, this is awesome, I love how you draw a vivid picture, your overall story telling is really well and thatís one of the most important things about any written story.
One thing I noticed, try focusing a bit on formatting. Too long paragraphs are hard to read and make some people loose interest. It is just as important as correct punctuation (though I donít see any problems here)
Other than that, I have nothing but praise for you. This was an amazing first chapter, an amazing point of view. There can never be too much descriptions in my opinion and you rock at it.
I liked how you established your characters. We didnít see many, but you already set a direction for Malfoy with only a few glances and they all feel very real.
I donít know what else to say. Great first chapter, great OC so far, now excuse me as I go read more

Love, T.

Author's Response: Hi!

Aw thank you very much for such a lovely review :) I have tried to break up my future chapters and I will definitely keep that in mind!
Dear Malfoy's quite important in a while so watch out for him ;) haha I really do hope you enjoy the rest!

thank you so much! :)

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Review #45, by toomanycurls Chapter Four

16th October 2013:
Hi!! Doing our review swap!

The way this opened gave me the sense of a nice time of relaxation after not being able to relax for quite a while. You did a great job conveying how Imogen felt after a long sleep with less fear and terror in her life.

You worked in her self-description cleverly. It flowed well with the action in the story.

I really liked how her mind drifted from her present relaxation to more difficult thoughts. The symbolism behind the hot shower burning her skin and remembering the scary events going on around her was really well done.

The ending with Draco's demand that they find the grail made me question his intentions and loyalty. I can see she's supposed to trust him but I'm not sure he's entirely trustworthy. The set up you made for the start of their adventure was really good.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! I can always count on your for a lovely and uplifting review!

thank you so much! I'm very glad that you like the opening and ending of the chapter (and hopefully most things in between). I will admit, it was rather nice to write a more relaxing starting to a chapter and take a break from all that torture bish bash haha.

I'll get to your review straight away! :)

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Review #46, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Five

12th October 2013:
Ah, so this is interesting.

The imagery is extremely vivid, enabling a brilliant connection to the readers. It causes empathy between reader and character. The descriptions are positively beautiful, enough so that the reader can flawlessly put themselves in Blanc's position.

I find the plot to be particularly intriguing. The cataclysmic story of her imprisonments and this "Holy Grail" left me begging for more. It's unique and haunting and I just love it!

The characterization is also very well-developed and interesting.

Some of the terms that you have used are also quite brilliant. They seem to jump right out at me. (EG: "beautifully tragic" in chapter 1; "heart of the manor" in chapter 2; "the pain remained...Hogwarts Express" ; and "mimic his fortitude" in chapter 5)

There is a few (very scarce) typos that I noticed but nothing that jarred the flow of the story at all!

I really like this a bunch!


Author's Response: Wow thank you so much for such a lovely review! It really gave me the confidence I needed to continue this story!

I'm honestly so pleased to know what you think and it's extremely touching that you would read and review the whole story and Look out for certain quotes in each chapter!

I'm definitely going to be looking for a BETA reader for those pesky typo's so hopefully that will all be sorted out soon!

Once again, thank you so much for such a nice review!

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Review #47, by toomanycurls Chapter Three

12th October 2013:
Aw, I hope she's not losing hope. :( It kind of sounds like she is at the beginning.

I really like the bit about evil never dying because there's always someone else who will take up the mantle.

It's nice to see Imogen talk herself into writing as an aspiration (though Rita Skeeter doesn't seem like a person who sugar coats her stories).

You describe being in and out of consciousness really well. It's engaging and doesn't go off into a existential, hard to follow, spiral. I'm happy that Malfoy is coming to help her (I hope that's what he's really up to). Shadow figure is a good name for the weird Voldemort spirit thing. It's a good ominous name that doesn't sound ridiculous.

Who/what is Liana? (Did I miss something previously or will that be explained later?)

Is Imogen a leglimens? I don't recall that from earlier. It's not a common skill (but if her family is a super cool Holy Grail saving clan I could see them having extra powers)

It seems a bit fast for Imogen to go from indifferent to Malfoy betraying her to fed up with not getting the truth from him when she stomps her foot while they're outside.

Interesting that too much magic would attract people. Is that because they're on the run or because they're in a muggle house?

ooh, I like the introduction of an immortal into the HP world. I really appreciated the information from Draco about Yaxley and why his family is entangled with him. I didn't think they quite turned a new leaf but it was eating at me that they were right back into being evil again.

I like that the chapter ended on a positive note. It was nice to see Draco and Imogen together and a get a bit of insight to Draco's motivations throughout the story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

Looking back on it now, I probably should go back and edit a few chapters so that I can parts of the story less confusing. Like the character or Liana for example. (She was the woman seated with Yaxley at the table in chapter two). Quite a lot of my chapters need editing because I always tend to skip important information and end up waffling about less important stuff.

My main focus right now is to try an build up a more realistic relationship between Draco and Imogen, it might not be a completely positive one from the word go but hopefully I'll get there in the end!

Thank you so much for taking the time to reviewing and agreeing to the review swap!

Bella x

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Review #48, by Hsherry Chapter Three

5th October 2013:

I jus wanted to say that this story is filled with so much potential! I love the detail and the story line and how easily everything merged togegher, this was quite a long chapter but I enjoyed reading it!

Author's Response: Aw thank you that's so sweet of you! I hope you enjoy the rest :)

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Review #49, by toomanycurls Chapter Two

3rd October 2013:
Hi!! Doing our review swap. ^_^

aw man - I totally thought this was set during DH. It might be good to add that to the first chapter - even in a "man, the war is over, why are the Malfoys still holding people captive". Or something.

I'm not really a grammar/punctuation person but there are quite a few places where I is not capitalized and dialogue ends without punctuation. It's not a huge roadblock for me as a reader but it would polish the chapter up a bit.

The Holy Grail. Iiiinteresting. Are the death eaters trying to bring back Voldy-shorts? It'd be interesting to hear how/why Miss Blanc has knowledge of the Holy Grail and why a predominately Christian bit of mythology made it into wizard-land.

I really like the spunk that Imogen shows in this chapter (and in the previous one too). You write a good creepy Yaxley (which seems to have been intentional).

Oh man, is that Voldemort torturing her at the end? By the way, you write pretty good torture. It's descriptive enough for me to see what's going but not so detailed I want to stop reading.

I really like the bit of resilience she shows at the end of the chapter. Seems like she's ready to take on more torture and pain to defend her family's secret.

Author's Response: Hi!

Ahh, I really should have made that point slightly clearer in the first chapter but it all becomes clear in the next! I hope .

Grammer and punctuation do tend to sometimes be one of my worst enemies *sigh* calls for a beta reader in the future I guess! I'm really glad that you liked it though, and yes I'll let you into a secret..the shadowy figure torturing her at the end is a small fragment of Voldemort's memory, it's all his worst parts ( which is basically all of him) combined together to create this rather sinister being that is ironically, under tax let's control.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the way I wrote the torture; I always thought I went a little easy on Imogen in that scene hahaa but she's a trooper you see :)

Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #50, by BLONDEbehaviour Chapter Two

30th September 2013:

I'm glad I came across your status, I had wanted to read more of this!

I am really liking your OC, She is intriguing and interesting, as we know absolutely nothing about her! I am so interested in finding out who exactly she and her family is/are, and what it is they are hiding. Sounds super important. And Kudos to her for not letting any information loose, that's dedication! You have written a very compelling OC :)

Your description in this was fantastic! When she walking with Jugson, really really descriptive. Well done!

I saw a few grammar and spelling mistakes that can be cleared up with a quick beta, or even just a thorough read-through :)

I really like this, keep it up !

Grace :D

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm so touched that you would come and re-review this story, your read over of my first chapter helped me so much! I'm also so glad that you are happy with the Imogen's character. Character development has always been my main concern when it comes to writing ad especially with this story so thank you so much!
I'll get working on your review straight away! :)

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