I think that in the beginning Scorpius, Rose, and Albus all spoke like they were much past the age their characters should've been, not like eleven year olds. Also, we know what Harry said to Albus before he boarded the train. Why would you include that part if you wanted to change it, not significantly, but still altering his words? Also, it seems a bit of a let down for each of the main characters to be put in the house that they wanted and expected and that their families wanted for them. Especially considering that JKR basically gave no guidelines as to which houses to put them in and you could have done as you pleased. Just a few tips, I hope they were helpful.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Hey! So, I thought this story was insanely adorable, and I had a lot of fun reading it. =) I love that Albus, Rose, and Scorpius sort of form their own little trio!
For a moment there I thought the Sorting Hat might put Scorpius into Gryffindor, and I was worried at what his dad might think! And I loved that Professor Flitwick became headmaster - and that we got to see a bit of Neville, too!
Great job with the story, it was very well done!Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Sophia x Report Review
hmm. it was 'cute'...and nothing TECHNICALLY wrong with it. but i dunno, it was kind of boring to me. i mean, its essentially EXACTLY the same as the first harry potter book without any creativity or the thrill of reading a new story. Rose and Albus go in Gryffindor, Scorpius goes in Slytherin, of course they make friends along the way, of course everyone hates draco malfoys kid...i mean its just so cliche and predictable, i just kept waiting for something to happen but...nothing..really did.
also, again, while there's technically nothing wrong with your writing (i actually did like how you wrote/explained some things) but the dialogue was way too unrealistic (to me, personally, i guess). i honestly can't imagine 11 year old kids acting or talking like that. There was just something lacking in this fic that failed to really bring it to life for me. all in all, it was kinda flat. However, your writing style does suggest that you are a really good writer, so maybe next time just try not to pick such a cliche topic, and deliver it in such an ordinary, predictable way? sorry for the seemingly scathing review, hope you can take critique :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I appreciate your honest opinion and the critique. There are certainly some things for me to think about for next time. Report Review
Could you make another chapter?Author's Response: It's a one-shot but I do have ideas to follow on from this. I just have to find the time to write it up :)
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This is a great story! I really liked how to wrote Albus, Rose, and Scorpius. I don't suppose you'd consider writing more of them... but if you ever do, I'll definitely have to read it!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I have some ideas in my head to write more about those three but I have so much going on with college that it's difficult to find the time to write.
If I do write more next-gen about this trio, I'll PM you :D Report Review
Hello I'm here because you hit me with your snowball!
I like the houses that you picked for the characters, I never really liked Albus in Slytherien he always seemed like a Gryffindor to me if you know what I mean. Rose seems like he mum reading the textbooks and I hope you make a sequel of this because I would like to see the parents reaction to "fraternizing with the enemy".
Bye :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I'm glad you liked the houses I chose. Like you, I can't see Albus in Slytherin myself. I am seriously considering writing more but I'll have to wait until I've got more time on my hands.
Sophia x Report Review
Hi Sophia! Here to leave a review from the snowball fight thread.
I like how you paralleled Albus's and Harry's situation with the sorting. JK Rowling highlights that in the epilogue of DH and it's obviously a really important deal, Al's sorting. I think you did a good job with bringing out Albus's fear of being sorted in Slytherin.
Also, I like how Rose, Scorpius, and Albus are all just friends in the beginning, none of that automatic hate or whatever that seems to crop up in a lot of stories on the site. I was surprised to see that this was a one-shot, as you put quite a bit of foreshadowing in the end, but this was altogether enjoyable. Good job on this one-shot! :)
~foundriapenguinAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Jordan :D
I've left the conclusion like that because I have thought about continuing the story. I think I might just do that but I'll have to wait until I have some more time.
Happy Christmas! :)
Sophia x Report Review
Aaw, I love your interpretation of the next generation. I also like how it is Rose, Scorpius and Albus' first day and we get to see their different emotions and feelings, especially as NextGen fics usually consist of seventh-year students in massive love-hate relationships (see Romeo/Juliet = Scorpius/Rose or JamesII/OC fics ;)). I'm guilty as charged though, and there are some real quality NextGen fics out there. It's so good to see a fresh, younger, more innocent look on the next generation.
The writing is good, your dialogue is very believable (which is very important in a story) and in character. You have seemed to stumble into the slightly cliché pitfall of making the kids just like their parents (with the exception of Scorpius), for example Rose being the bookworm that is always reading. Maybe if you wrote a sequel/another chapter we could really see what she is like/what her flaws are/how she is different from her mother. I think it would be really good to see how the trio of characters progress from this points, and the last paragraph seems a really good ending to an opening chapter. This could easily be lengthened into a longer fic!
Keep writing, this is a really good one-shot!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I have been thinking about writing another chapter which is why I wrote the last paragraph as I did. I'm so glad you picked up on that :D. I would love to show the different sides of the trio so I might continue this story when I have the time.
Happy Holidays :)
Sophia x Report Review
Hey there, it's dreamschemes from the forums! Sorry for the late review, but, here it is!
So, to start off, I really like how you decided to write about this topic, because I actually haven't seen much of it elsewhere. But I do have a couple things to criticize on:
First: I noticed that this story didn't have much flow and it just seemed kinda... bumpy and awkward. Especially with the sentences and dialogue. And continuing from that thought, secondly, Ginny seemed a bit OOC. It's not really like her to sympathize for her kids, only tell them off for being annoying (like she would for James), unless she's being sarcastic. And the same with the Sorting Hat; it's mysterious and with Harry, it was rather reluctant to put him in Gryffindor. Although, I do love that Albus was put in there, instead of Slytherin. (:
I noticed a few errors in your grammar, like forgetting a comma, and even a couple run-on sentences, so definitely be careful of that. I'd recommend getting a beta reader, because they really do help!
Sorry for such a long review, but I really hope I helped! And just remember, I am here to help, so no rudeness was intended, just my honest opinion.
Thanks for the request!
dream_schmeanAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
Now that I think about it, some of the things you've mentioned does make sense. So when I go back and revise this, I'll be making some changes.
Thanks once again and Happy holidays :D
Sophia Report Review
This was very cute! I kind of was expecting a different outcome with Scorpius or Albus at the end, but perhaps it was me trying to push my own ideas of what happened onto the story... Sorry. :)
Still, very cute and I really liked the interaction between Rose and Al. Very good.Author's Response: Yeah, a lot of people would like Albus and Scorpius to be in a different house to the ones I put them in. :)
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated. Report Review
WRitE MoRE ItS bRiLlIaNtAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
I had thought he would become friends with Scorp!!! I have never seen a fic on this topic before. Good going.Author's Response: I think there are some other fics about Albus' sorting on this site. Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This is quite a good, well written fic! I really enjoyed reading it!
The plot - sorting is always something that is written.. especially of Albus Potter… and although you had some cliches in there (Lily whining, James teasing Albus about Slytherin…), you also had some more original parts to it that balanced it out and made it interesting. After the train carriage talk with Scorpius, I thought he might suddenly become a cliche Gryffindor, and the hall was filled with whispers, etc, so it was honestly a surprise to see you sorted him into Slytherin, and that Rose and Scorpius didn't have any romantic interaction (that's a cliche)! I really liked how Annie Law thought she was hufflepuff but ended up in Gryffindor. That was a really nice touch.
Your characterisation is great. Just loved the personalities you gave to Albus, Rose, Scorpius, everyone. Great job.
I just really enjoyed reading this. Well written, a nice story :)Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Honest reviews such as this is what keeps me writing. I will take into account what you said about cliches when I am writing in the future. Thanks :) x x Report Review
I like this a lot, i always thought from the epilogue that he would have a very close decision like harry did, im glad you put this into words because i had always thought about it!!! :)Author's Response: Aw, thanks hun. I'm glad you liked this and took the time to review. x x Report Review
This is a great one-shot. It sparked many questions in my head but the main one was: what if Albus was sorted into Slytherin? I was wondering whether I could use some of this story as inspiration for another, where it happens a little differently. I would, of course, give you full credit for which parts were yours, and message you when, and if, I put the story up.
Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans for the author, because even if I can't borrom some of this writing, it doesn't change the fact that it is amazing.Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. I'm pleased you took the time to review. I wouldn't mind if you decided to use some of my story as inspiration for your own and I'd be very interested in reading your story once you've written it. :) Thanks for the Beans ;) x x Report Review
the writing was good.
but really, this made no sense, you should have like changed the names because why would george name his son the same name as his brother? who does that.
and it just, its messed up. james and lily are now harry's kids?
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT LIFE IS ANYMORE.Author's Response: First of all, thank you for reading and reviewing. In the epilogue of DH, JKR names Harry & Ginny's kids ad James, Albus & Lily. And I thought George would naturally call his son Fred. This story is simply my version of Albus' sorting; you can have your own.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story :) x x Report Review
Yes! Finally SOMEONE has the common sense to put Albus in Gryffindor and not Slytherin! I have no idea why people put the poor guy in Slytherin ... they all say, "J.K Rowling made it clear he was going to be in Slytherin." No. She made it clear he was going to be in GRYFFINDOR. Say it with me. GRYFF-IN-DOR.
Anyway, it was awesome! I enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you for reading & reviewing. I totally agree with you: Albus Potter belongs in Gryffindor! :) Glad you liked it x x Report Review
sorry but this doesn't really make sense. the reason harry was almost sorted into slytherin was because of the connection that he had with voldemort. harry had a piece of voldemorts soul inside him (horcrux). while his son, albus, obviously does not have this at all.
sorry that im a stickler for the rules. im just a diehard harry potter fan.Author's Response: Firstly, thank you for reading and reviewing; I appreciate it. For this story, I decided that Albus shouldn't be automatically sorted into Gryffindor just because he is a Potter/Weasley. Albus might have ambitions or another Slytherin trait so he was considered for Slytherin. Hope this helps.
Thanks for reviewing x x Report Review
Oooh, I love it! Seriously imaginative. I would just like to say, however, that you put a full stop after the name of a person when you say who they are when you pause in the middle of a sentence, like; 'That was inevitable, I suppose,' she said 'I was always destined for Gryffindor.' and change it to 'That was inevitable, I suppose,' she said (full stop) 'I was always destined to be in Gryffindor.' Just a suggestion.
By the way, would you mind having a quick peek at my story Emma Potter for me and leave a review, because I'm running low on reviews for my other story Lily Evans: The Pre-Hogwarts Years.
Thanks!Author's Response: Thank you for your comments; I will be sure to correct the sentences.
No problem, I'll read and review your stories. :)Thank you for reviewing mine! x x Report Review
This was a cute fanfic. You got Albus' feelings across very well. I also liked how strong a charcter Rose was.Author's Response: Thank you! This story was was written from Albus' POV so I'm glad his feelings came across so well. x x Report Review
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