:( that's really heartbreaking...You've gotten me to love your characters, they way you write them just makes them so relatable! *adds to favorites*Author's Response: YAY! Favorites rule!! =D Report Review
I'm loving your humor and your amazing references to movies! I love movies and Star Wars is one of my favorites! Good job on the plot and the originality! I'm really enjoying it!!Author's Response: Hehe, don't worry, there is alot more of those to come. Scorpius likes his movies. :P Report Review
LOL the ending was hilarious! I'm super excited to keep on reading and finding out what happens!!Author's Response: Great! I'm glad you liked it. :D Report Review
Hello, I am here with your review! Sorry that it took so long. I did not know that I would be so busy over the week. Anyways, I really liked this first chapter. It was a good intorduction to the characters. I really like how you have Scorpius being not loved by everyone, as most fics have him being this gorgeous boy, even though he is supposed to resemble Draco, who was not considered 'hot' in the books. I think that Scorpius definetly has an interesting personality and character.
The ending of this chapter was really good, as I, and hopefully your other readers, really want to know what happens next! I'm really curious to see who you bring back from the dead in this story.
Just a little side note, but I thought you did good with writing Hagrid's dialouge. It looked a lot like it does in the books, so I just wanted to comment on that.
I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. I think you definetly have an original idea here, and the plot seems to be good so far. Good luck with the rest of the story! :)Author's Response: Hehe, I'm afraid that I kill Hagrid off in a later chapter. But it was fun to write him. :P
I hate when people make Scorpius/Draco into something they aren't i.e. superhot. They're, at best, avarage in terms of looks so I wanted to keep it that way.
If you decide to review other chapters, I hope that you enjoy them. Thanks very much for the feedback. =) Report Review
aw, poor scorp :( loved the chapter!
becky :)Author's Response: It's gonna get worse for him unfortunately. :( Report Review
heheh, i love how he fainted ;p brilliant second chappie!
loving it! becky ;pAuthor's Response: Hehe, who wouldn't. :P Report Review
hey, I don't know if you remember me from the forums, but I replied to your help post on Lucifer and then I asked what your story was called so I could read it. So here I am! Reading and loving it! I'm excited to read on and see what's going to happen!Author's Response: Great! And thanks very much for your help on the forum. It's easy to get stuck with a story like this so help is always appreciated. :D Report Review
wow, great first chapter! so original! (what else could you expect from an amazing author such as yourself?)
your fan becky ;p
you rock! (still) :)Author's Response: Ahh, thanks so much. You always manage to put a big grin on my face. :D Report Review
Hello! I'm so happy that you have a new chapter! But please tell me that even though this story involves angels and demons and such that it's not going too much about one religion. I'm not Christan and you would probably get more reads and reviews if you kept it more about the story then Christianity.
But 9/10 for this chapter! Can't wait to see more!Author's Response: Don't worry, this isn't that type of story. Angels and demons appear in just about every religion in the world (in one form or another) so I just use that stuff as reference material. It's more about good vs. evil in this.
Thanks very much for the review. :D Report Review
WOW, what a heck of a chapter. I am dying for the next oneAuthor's Response: Great! Thanks. Lucifer is in the next one. :D Report Review
This is so very intresting! The view of God being gone. Really intresting and as always awesomeless good =DAuthor's Response: Yay! Thanks very much. I'm glad you're enjoying it. :D Report Review
Let's see... I think you should mention somewhere exactly how long Scorpius was out for. The conversation doesn't seem to have gotten very far in his absence, so it wasn't for long, right?
And I'm still not sure that Scorpius should know about so many Muggle things, but you're clearly doing it on purpose, so I will just wait for explanation on that. Rebelliousness, perhaps? XD
I like that the angel has absolutely no sense of irony. XD Especially this part:
“It’s fine. I was pre-warned of the cynical and sarcastic mannerisms that he uses to hide his own insecurity and self-loathing,” Cassandra assured without mercy.
“Hey! Winged Freud, I’m standing right here!”
“Yes, I can see that,” she agreed looking him up and down.
Priceless. XD Also the bit about the wizarding war being a big match-making scheme.
Best chapter yet. There were a few typos again, but not very distracting ones.
Keep up the good work!
- EvanAuthor's Response: The reason Scorpius knows so much about muggle stuff is actually quite tragic and important to the story. It's explained in a few chapters time though so It should answer your questions. :)
I'm glad you're still enjoying it. Thanks very much for the reviews. :D Report Review
Hello! Still loving the story. XD
I'm a little confused by the beginning though, specifically the bit about Scorpius kneeling down to move her wing. Could you be a little more specific about how he's moving it? I mean, with his hands, clearly. XD But like... is he tucking it under her or what? Did it get stuck on the suit of armor, and he's un-sticking it? I just have a very hard time getting a mental picture of that.
Also, in the bit that I was just talking about, it should be gently, not gentle.
"She hit ground pretty bloody hard..." should have a the between hit and ground.
"a little divine assistants" should be assistance.
Finally, I'm not sure Scorpius should know what a holy roller is, being a Malfoy. XD It seems a distinctly Muggle thing.
Other than that, another great chapter! I like that the plot is moving quickly along, instead of just waffling around for the first few chapters before finally mentioning what the story's about. XD The characters still seem very, well, in-character, and I can't wait to see what everyone's reactions are to the news about Scorpius. So lovely ending too. Bit of a cliffhanger. I think I'll go read/review it right now. :P
- EvanAuthor's Response: Lol. I always had an image of Scorpius trying to move her wing without actually touching it so it would all be very awkward. Maybe I should re-write that part. It's got some spelling mistakes anyway. :/
Hehe, quite a few people have asked about Scorpius's knowledge of movies and stuff. Don't worry there is a good reason for it. :)
Thanks very much for the review. :D Report Review
The Bible is also written with a capital B, and the Messiah with a capital M. Just to be picky ;)
They all recognized it as Ron Weasley’s which meant Harry probably was far behind. -- wasn't far behind, right?
They looked just like their pictures, except for about ten years. -- What pictures? The ones in the textbooks? Maybe it should have been "They looked just like they did in Scorpius' textbook, only about a decade older" or something the like..?
And also, Scorpius is into watching Muggle movies, i.e. the Terminator? Haha, somehow I don't see that happening, but I understand how it works with the story :)
Other than those things, I don't really have that much to give you :P Sorry! I really do love your story; the plot is simply amazing! I also like Scorpius' snarky attitude, haha, made me laugh a few times throughout this chapter. I've never watched Supernatural, but I might get into that after reading this!
Once more, good job! :) You have a brilliant and intriguing plot here! I have to say one thing, though, and I'm not sure if you're gonna like it... But I do think you would be a lot better off if you changed your story summary. The lines in the chapter were funny when they were placed together with the rest of the text, but I don't think they stand strong enough on their own to draw readers to this amazing story. I don't think I would have clicked it if I saw it on the "Newly updated"'s, but I would, however, have read it if you had written something that summed up the story more eloquently. Not a few lines taken directly from the text, but rather a summary that described the unique plot of this fanfic :)Author's Response: Hehe, don't worry. I'm still wrestling with finding the right summary to use. I haven't seen any stories like this so It's hard to find anything for inspiration. :(
Scorpius's knowledge of movies and music is explained a bit later and there is a good reason for it. It's a bit of a sad reason though and it's important to the story. :)
I'll definately work on the summary and mistakes though. Thanks very much for the reviews. :D Report Review
Hagrid carried the women through the corridor -- woman, because there was only one angel, right? :)
Scorpius quickly knelt down to gentle move it. -- gently
Oh, and Apocalypse with capital A, please :)
Okay, on to the rest of the chapter. I like the beginning, I love the end where the Cassandra wakes up, I'm just not crazy about the middle part. I think it becomes a little "he said, she said, he said, she said"-y. Don't get me wrong, because I still really like your dialogue and the things they're saying seem really in-character (good job on Hermione!), but I think you might want to add something more around the things they say, like how they look when they're saying it, what they're doing, how the room at large is reacting to what is said, etc. I also like how you added in the bit about Scorpius acting a little oddly (I was going to point that out before the explanation came) because he had cut himself on her wings. Clever!
Also love your portrayal of the angel, how she is so calm and how she speaks in a "robotic" voice. Most people would have written "soft" or "angelic" or "melodious" voice if they were put in your place.
Also, I want to compliment you on making Professor Sinistra Headmistress. Haha, I think we don't hear nearly enough about Professor Sinistra in the books. I had completely forgotten that Astronomy was a subject at Hogwarts until they sat their O.W.L's, because the teacher is so rarely mentioned compared to McGonagall and Snape. And I've read about a million fanfics where McGonagall or Sprout is Headmistress, so credit to you for your originality.
And speaking of orginality, I'm officially in love with your mind. This is easily the most unique fanfic I've ever read! Kudos! Definitely going into my favourites before I proceed to the next chapter :)Author's Response: Hehe, I remember reading that J.K. said that McGonagell would have probably retired by the time Harry's kids started arriving at Hogwarts because she was getting on a bit. I don't know why by I always got the impression that Sinistra was still reasonably young and devoted as a teacher.
I also took inspiration from Supernatural in reguards to the angel. Because they lack contact with humans and everything they know about them would have been given to them like an instruction manual, they aren't very good with understanding us. Still, she might improve...maybe. :P
Thanks again for the review. :D Report Review
“It’s two weeks into the term and already you’re stacking up detentions and loosing points for Gryffindor!” -- It should have been "losing" instead of "loosing" :)
Tonight, sun down, at Hagrid’s hut. (Shouldn't that have been sunset? Or at least sundown in one word?)
Oh, and don't you think a hundred points is a little steep for just insulting a prefect? Just pointing it out, because as far as I remember each of the houses only had about 400 points (at the most) at the end of Harry's first year, and this is barely a few weeks into the school year...
“You know what, screw you Weasley!” Scorpius suddenly snapped causing everyone in the vicinity to almost run for cover as they saw Dom’s fury build. “Let’s make it six years; because that’s how long you’re dumb ass family has been making my life a living hell! And don’t think I’ve forgotten about what you did to me in my third year! You can act all high and mighty but when I go all Charles Whitman and climb the astronomy tower for some target practice, just remember you helped send me there!”
What was even more shocking than her beauty and rage was the fact that it seemed to disappear instantly. She waved her wand and Scorpius was no longer stuck to the wall.
Okay, about this part, at first I was a little confused, because I thought it was Dominique who said "Let's make it six years; etc." since you end the sentence where Scorpius is snapping by telling the reader how everyone in the vicinity ran for cover as they saw Dom's fury build. But I take it it was Scorpius who said it, right? I think you might to rewrite that part to make who says what a little more clear. Also, the sentence; "What was even more shocking than her beauty and rage was the fact that it seemed to disappear immediatly." kind of irked me, because her beauty didn't disappear, right?
...he’d just manage to get further than most... managed ;)
instultin’ -- insultin', maybe?
"Just let James Potter use me and a pin cushion whenever he feels like it?” -- as a pin cushion, surely :)
Hagrid was known for worshiping the ground that Harry walked on. -- worshipping. Oh, and maybe "Potter" or "Harry Potter", instead of just Harry :)
Haha, I know you wanted me to review on your plot, characters and dialogue, mainly, but truth is I can't think of a constructive comment on either. I think the plot, so far, is shaping up to be extremely good, what with the surprising and intriguing last sentence that leaves the reader dying to know what happens next. I can't comment much on the characters, either. Since it's a next-gen fic I can't say that any of them are out of character, since you're pretty much free to do the characters however you imagine them, but with that said I think you did an amazing job! Dom seems fierce, James seems a lot like how I envisioned James the first and I'm still witholding judgement of Scorpius's character, but so far I like him :)
Then, the dialogue. I think that your dialogue might have been what worked best in all this chapter. In other words; Good job! :) I like the tone when Dominique scolds James and Scorpius; kind of a mix between Hermione and Lily Evans, and I loved your portrayal of Hagrid. Sorry if the first part of my review seemed harsh, I just like noting down the sentences that irks me while I read before reviewing the story as a whole... And I thought the chapter as a whole is brilliant. You clearly have an imaginative mind! Great job, definitely reading on!Author's Response: It's no problem. I'm glad when people point out my spelling/grammar mistakes because they usually stick with me and I don't make the same mistakes again. :D
Of course, I'm more worried about the plot and characters and stuff. If those are bad, a quick spell check won't really help out. So I'm very glad that you enjoyed the chapter and look foward to seeing what you think of the rest. :D Report Review
Let's begin at the beginning, shall we? :D
I like the title. Given the genre, it's a very good pick. You can tell immediately, before even glancing at the summary, that it isn't a fluff piece or a romance, and it catches the attention. The Rising. It sounds ominous and foreboding... *cough* Anyway, good pick, and the summary's excellent too. Makes me think of Practical Demonkeeping a bit. :P
The opening also does an excellent job of hooking. (See what I did there? *winknudge*) Action is always a good hook, even if it's not directly related to the major plot. Actually, especially if it isn't directly related, since then you not only get the action hook, but you still have time for set-up.
Can I say I love what you've done with Dom? Of course I can say it, so consider it said. XD I also love what you've done with James and Scorpius. No one's a saint. No one's a perfect image of their parent, and everyone's very believable. Really good job. Everyone's being so unfair to Scorpius, but... not in a way that makes him seem like a Mary Sue, you know? They're not being so unfair, for absolutely no reason at all, that it becomes a pityfest, it's just... It's awesome. I love this story already. I would love it just for that.
The only thing that stuck out to me was the bit about Scorpius still liking Dom, even though she'd apparently done something horrible to him in the past. If he's resentful to the rest of the family for their treatment of him, it seems like he should still be holding it against her as well. Since she's part-veela and apparently out-grown whatever it was though, I am still willing to buy it, but just barely.
I like the plot idea so far, and structure and flow are both very good. There wasn't a single place where I got hung up or pulled out of the story by a clumsy sentence or anything like that, and the structure is very coherent. It's easy to tell where everyone is, how they got there, and why it's important.
Lovely story so far! The best I've read in quite a while.
- EvanAuthor's Response: YAY! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Starting a story with action seems to a bit of a habit with me. :P
I thought Dom should be tough and independant because she's the middle child of a famous family and would need to work alot harder to be recgonized. I thought Scorpius would still like her because...well...he's a teenage boy and she's hot. :P
I hope the other chapters entertain you as well. Thanks again for the review. :D Report Review
OMG! You are so good! I love this chapter awesome! And I'm also loving the soon to be new chapter of The octane generation!
You are my favourite writer here so please keep up the awesome work!Author's Response: I'm just tweeking TOG chapter at the mo so it should be out soon. Meanwhile, I hope you continue to enjoy this. :D Report Review
one word: LOVE! keep it up, great story! 10/10Author's Response: Hehe, thanks very much. I'm glad you like it. :D Report Review
Sorry it took so long for me to get you this review. The plot is great, I like the unique idea that you have going here. The dialogue is perfect and sticks with each of the characters which enhances their unique characteristics. Great job so far!
~Danceinggirl109Author's Response: YAY! Thanks very much for the review. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Angels seem to be becoming the new Vampires. Have you seen how many new books there are that include Angels?
Hehe, Spos I'm jumping on the bandwaggon. :P Report Review
Yay! A new chapter I'm so excited for the next one and I can't believe you killed off Hagrid please tell me that Neville is going to be alright because that would be cruel if he wasn't. But I love this story keep writing!Author's Response: Hehe, don't worry. Neville will survive. It's the main characters you should be worried about now. They're about to take on a Dryad. :P
Thanks for the review. :D Report Review
Nice chapter. My thoughts (as did many others', I'm guessing) immediately jumped to the Whomping Willow. It seems that that's the one tree that is different in some form. That, and it seems about as violent as this Dryad is.Author's Response: Hehe, I thought about using the Whomping Willow but I thought that was a little too obvious so I went a different way with it. It's also not going to be a Horcrux-hunt-style thing. I'm just hoping that it comes off okay.
Thanks very much for the review. :D Report Review
nice... intelligent workAuthor's Response: Thanks very much. I'm glad you're enjoying it. :D Report Review
the emotional turmoil experienced by malfoy brought out wellAuthor's Response: Goody. I was hoping it wouldn't just come off as an after thought. Of course, there is no reference to how a person should react to that kind of news so I'm probly wrong. :P Report Review
builds up excitement slowlyAuthor's Response: Is that good or bad? :S Report Review
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