Reading Reviews for Morbus
  
39 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Leigh Kelley Stranded

1st November 2009:
Okay, here's the second one.

I have to say, that you didn't disappoint. This chapter, in my opinion, is even better than the first. What with Rose now realizing that something's wrong and not wanting to believe it, to her slipping down the stall and Franky having to use magic to open the stall so as to get to her, it all added to the excitement. You did a good job with setting up the scene; everything was described well, and I got a clear image of everything that happened inside the bathroom. When Rose blacked out, a part of me hoped that she was okay. Though I knew that she wouldn't die; you wouldn't have much of a story, if she did, considering she's your main character, haha.

Rose's dream is a bit...creepy. Is she having a bit of a premonition? I won't pretend to know the meaning of those words, and I'm not going to look it up, but since they were repeated later, I guess they have a major part in the story. Maybe you could give the meaning in the A/N, unless you intend for it to be kept secret or something.

All the secrecy, on everyone's end, is believable. The Heads don't want to say much because they don't want to freak out the students and cause, as I mentioned before, mass hysteria. I like your addition of the Quarantine Room, and the bubble. Since the disease seems infectious, it makes sense that the Healer wouldn't want to touch her and risk infecting herself as well.

Rose's second premonition was freaky. I got the shivers, especially picturing her mouth frozen... I can only imagine what everyone else in the room felt as they watched her experiencing that. I figure they don't believe her, but I guess she wouldn't want them considering her a freak if she told her.

Um...I know you wanted a general review, but I still want to point out a couple errors again.

as she towelled her face dry following a quick rinse. - 'towelled' should be 'toweled'.
She's been unconcious - 'unconcious' should be 'unconscious'
slithered cooly down - 'cooly' should be 'coolly'
get your hoeps up - 'hoeps' should be 'hopes'
lobby.But - there should be a space after the period.

Sorry. I just wanted to give you a full review D:.

This chapter has me, as the reader, very anxious. I can't help but wonder what's going to happen next, and what everything that Rose is seeing means. It's very well-written, and I can see your plot starting to unfold.

Keep it up, and make sure to re-request once you get another chapter up!

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Thanks again for the wonderful reviews, and I'll be sure to re-request! :)

As for the latin in her dream, you're not supposed to understand it :D

Thanks again! You're a very good reviewer! :)


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Review #27, by Leigh Kelley Harvey Fielding

1st November 2009:
Hi. Here from the forums with your requested review.

The summary itself was enough to have me interested in this story, so let me say that I am glad that you asked me to review this. I don't think I have ever read a story on here as of yet that deals with a disease spreading through the magical community. It is such a unique story, and the idea of such a thing happening is actually quite frightening. To think that only one percent actually survive... I can only imagine the mass hysteria that is surely to erupt within the community. Everyone will probably be rushing to the hospital, imagining that they have a fever, or something similar.

Rose's reaction to the disease is how I expect lots of people, at the beginning, would feel. I guess it wouldn't be the first time that they mention something being enough to wipe out the wizarding society... Or maybe some brushing it off because they're wizards; if they can fight off deadly curses, what damage could a disease actually do? I know that there are some bad ones out there, but certainly none that's enough to spread like fire and kill in a matter of a day. It's practically ludicrous. So I am glad that she got to see just how dangerous it is through Harvey, even if knowing that this happened to him is actually quite sad.

There were a couple of errors, which I feel I should point out.

The brown-eyed girl asked anxiously, looking more like a first year rather and a fifth. - 'The' should be 'the', 'rather and' should be 'rather than'.

Roxanna rolled her eyes in agreement. - 'Roxanna' should be 'Roxanne'.

Harvey's reaction was completely realistic. I can put myself in his shoes, and could see myself denying that I was sick, especially after reading that article. I can't believe that Rose would touch him though! Guess there's some of that reckless Gryffindor nature in her, despite her being a Ravenclaw.

Wow. So Rose is about to be affected too, or at least I think she is. There's so many ways in which you can flip this story, that I just can't wait to see what you do with it.

This was a fairly well-written chapter. Nothing particularly glaring to take away from the story. I was sucked in from the opening, and had to continue reading to decide what exactly was going on for myself. Slightly more rushed than what I am used to, but it adds to the frantic nature of what is happening, I would say. Your plot is interesting, and I am surprised you don't have more reviews than you do at the moment.

So on to the next one, then.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Thanks SO much for the wonderful feedback :) I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks for pointing out all my little typos... I'm HORRIBLE at spotting those ^^

I'm also really glad that you think all of the reactions and such are realistic, I always worry about those types of things.

Once again, thank you!


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Review #28, by dracos_hotter Stranded

31st October 2009:
Over from the forums!

Oh. My. God. I actually love it. I'm adding it to my favourites, hoping for a new chapter shortly... Please?

Alrighty, down to business!

Grammar: Is there a forum for that? If there isn't, I think there should be. Because so many stories I read have the same mistakes around dialogue, and it's annoying me now.

Ahem. Rant over.

Do I sense a vision? Huh. And Scorpius -- he's always good.

It's a good, origional plot, something that can be a little hard to come by. Intriguing, too. It draws me in wonderfully.

I like this story, and I'll follow it.

xE

Author's Response: Thanks for all your help :)

Plus, I'm glad you like it! ^^


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Review #29, by saltyavocado Stranded

27th October 2009:
Yay, new chapter! I'm glad you're incorporating some other elements into this story and not just basing it wholly around the Morbus. I also am pleased with the appearance of the other 2nd generationers during the chapter. I can't wait to see how you characterize them. And good luck with the swimming. If it's anything like it is at my school, I bet it's pretty draining.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading, and I'm really glad you like what I'm doing with it :) (For some reason when I posted this chapter it cut out a good portion of the hospital wing part, when she's talking to Healer Perez. I'm not sure why... So, if you wanna read that, it should be updated with it in the next couple days.)

And yes, swimming is VERY draining. XD I'm glad to see someone actually reads my Author Notes. Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself ^^

Once again, thanks!


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Review #30, by kittikatlova Harvey Fielding

27th October 2009:
I love how mysterious the story is becoming! I am at work right now, so I dont have time for an adequate review, but I am very pleased with the progress. Cant wait to find out what is up with the Latin! And what about their families?!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading & reviewing! And I'm REALLY glad you liked it :)

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Review #31, by saltyavocado Harvey Fielding

21st September 2009:
wow, what a unique plot. This is the first time I've seen this idea for a story. It reminds me of the black plague. To make your morbus sound more convincing, try partially basing it off existing diseases. Come up with a regular sequence of symptoms, with some magical side effects so that it's distinguished from a regular muggle disease. Sorry if you have already thought all of this through. Nice work on this chapter. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much :) Glad you like it.

As for the disease, I think I'll work out any kinks along the way... It's meant for the symptoms to be a bit random in some cases though, as you'll see if you keep up with it :)

Thanks again for reading & reviewing!


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Review #32, by Miss Lily Potter Harvey Fielding

21st August 2009:
Hey! I'm here, with the requested review.(:

Firstly, this is a very original plot, so good job on coming up with it! :D

I like the first few sentences, they add an air of 'mystery' to the story. Which is good.

The only thing I noticed was that in the article, you say 'less then 1% do not make it'. I think you meant that 1% make it, because otherwise the survival rate is really high, 99%.

I like the drama that's interspersed with comedy, it's interesting but it really does work.

Also, I like how you've actually fused the looks of the parents into the children-so many next gen stories have one child look like Ron, one like Hermione, with no deviation whatsoever. So I liked this. (:

All in all, a very intriguing start! I shall read more of this, and add it to my favorites. :D
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Sorry about the 1% slip up :( Someone pointed that out to me earlier, and the correction is currently waiting in the queue :D

Thank so much for the review! I'm glad you like the plot and what I've done with the next generation ^^


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Review #33, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Harvey Fielding

19th August 2009:
It is Constants from the forums, reviewing as requested =]]

First off, I would like to congratulate you for coming up with this plot. The thought of an epidemic spreading throughout the Wizarding world is a frightening one, and very realistic. It can actually be used as a metaphore to the situation us Muggles our in now (I would have to say Morbus is more frightening than Swine Flu, however). I feel for Harvey Fieldings and his death sentence, because he seemed like a nice boy and I feel a little sad knowing he's going to die. You stayed in character during the entire thing, and you didn't introduce all of the NG characters all at once, because that would've been a little overwhelming. I kudos you for coming up with a desease like Morbus. It seems babonic plague deadly, possible of wiping out an entire civilization. However, I hope your story doesn't end up like the Black Death, because that'd be incredibly sad =[[.

Great plot, but I was a little uneasy about your lack of detail (I want to say?). I dunno; you rushed things a little too quickly for my taste. And it states in the epilogue that Lily's eyes are brown.

Another thing I like about your story is the ending. You definitely leave me in suspense and make me hunger for more. When will the next chapter come out?

8/10

Constants.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed the idea and plot, and thanks for spotting out my weak points. I was afraid that it might have been a tad rushed. I think I'll end up editing that soon.

Also, as for Lily's eyes, I've been made aware of that already as well. So that should be changed once the revisions go through the queue...

As for the next chapter, I can't really give a rough estimation, unfortunately. Due to the queue closure in a couple days, and my other story that I am updating soon... It probably won't be until September, unfortunately.

Thanks again!


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Review #34, by theRandomSlytherin Harvey Fielding

18th August 2009:
hello!
It's Michelle from the forums!

Wow, the plot seems very intriguing and unique..
I love the descriptions, especially when you described Rose's huge, dysfunctional family.

There's just one error I saw:

D'you reckon all those things they're saying are true, Rosey? The green-eyed girl asked anxiously, looking more like a first year rather and a fifth.

It should be "rather THAN a fifth", but other than that, the chapter was fine.

Oh, and I liked this quote:

"That kid could die! You read the paper! We all could die!

I thought, "Go Lily! You tell 'em!" haha.

Wonderful chapter, and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderful review! ^^

I appreciate you pointing out my error. I never seem to proofread well enough, unfortunately.

So once again, thank you!


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Review #35, by Clair Clementine Harvey Fielding

18th August 2009:
Wow! Very different from most stories I've read on here! That was VERY GOOD! I love the plot and idea and the characters! I also really like that it's next generation. You did a very good job explaining the cousins and brothers and sisters which I desperately needed. I always get so confused with whose Harry and Ginny's kids and whose Ron and Hermione's. But you cleared it up very nicely and even added some more relatives into the picture which I really liked!

I love your chapter image and the quote that's on it! Cool beans! Hehe. The flow did seemed a bit rushed though, might I add. I dunno, I guess maybe making the first chapter a bit longer might've been better, but it's ok. I still emmensely enjoyed it and you did a great job! Please re-request when you get another Morbus chapter up if you'd like another review! I'd love to read more! Thanks for requesting!

Clair :D (EvelynCullen09 on the forums) ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! (Truly, I'm flattered ^^).

I'm glad to hear that I wasn't too awkward or anything with the relatives... I was a bit worried about that. Also, all of the Weasley grandchildren are Canon, in case you didn't know. I have no credit on any of them! ^^ (You can google the family tree, which was made up by JKR).

Once again, thank you for taking your time to review!



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Review #36, by _DearMyLove_ Harvey Fielding

18th August 2009:
I was posting in a review thread and spotted this story. It caught my attention so I decided to read, and I am definitely glad that I did! This is a really good...such a great idea and a really original take on the next gen era. I love how you've included the next gen kids in a way that reads naturally rather than a...conveyor belt bringing all of them out for a little cameo. That probably doesn't make sense, sorry! The whole idea made me think about this swine flu thing thats going on...how everyone is panicking far more than they need to. Although of course with your story I'm guessing the panic is well founded. The paranoia really comes through with your writing. I'm definitely looking forward to subsequent chapters! 9/10 (but only because I never give 10!)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading AND reviewing! Really glad you liked it.

Your feedback is MUCH apprecited :) I was worried that the way I introduced the kids was a little awkward, so thanks for clearing that up for me!

Once again, thank you SO much for the review! ^^


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Review #37, by Axjion Harvey Fielding

18th August 2009:
The most unique concept I've read in quite some time. A disease--a magical disease; I'm thoroughly interested.

Now you do have a few grammatical mistakes. "...His entire like revolves around the bloody joke shop, after all!" where like was meant to be life. And the t is dropped in not in "..had no inherited the signature Weasley hair."

Then there was a little confusion, contradictions you could say, in what you've written. In the paragraphs where they're reading the Daily Prophey, there is a line "Untreated, less than 1% of the ill do not make it..." which contradicts how horrible the disease is described to be. If 1% of the untreated do not make it, then out of 99 people, 1 will die. I think you meant to put that only 1% of the untreated make it.

Another contradiction happens where you say "Most likely it will. After all, it has already affected the younger people, just not as many as the older," it contradicts that in lines before it, it was said that disease affects older people and not younger.

In any case, I applaud that you included so many of the kids (my applause especially for Louis, I RARELY see him included.) And I hope to read more of this soon..
-Axjion

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! (And thanks so much for pointing out all those mistakes of mine... I feel a bit foolish now :D)

I didn't realize how... well, unique, as you put it, people would find the story... I've had several reviews all starting out with that as well. I'm really glad you like it!

Once again, thanks, and I'll be sure to fix those mistakes soon!


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Review #38, by DeaVanity Harvey Fielding

18th August 2009:
Hello, I'm reviewing as requested... :)

I like this. The idea is fresh and original.

Though Lily doesn't have green eyes ;D . In the epilogue of DH it says that Al is the only Potter kid to have inherited Harry's green eyes, though that's just a tiny detail and people don't really pay attention to that sort of things.

This story actually reminded me of swine flu and how at first everyone was in panic and all that.

I like how you made Cho come back to Hogwarts and become a Professor and a Head of Ravenclaw.

Oooh, I wonder if Rose is ill? It seems that way.

And it was a good idea to not put the Weasley and Potter children all in Gryffindor ;D .

Thanks for requesting :)

~ DeaVanity

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! (And you're welcome for requesting ^^)

Hmm, I haven't read DH in a while... I want to make this as Canon as possible, so I think I'll end up changing the Potter kids eyes eventually. 'S not like it will drastically change the storyline or anything, but thank you for pointing it out!

The swine flu... Surprisingly that wasn't my inspiration for this story! I don't really remember what made me think of it. I've been worried that people would generally dislike this story because of how similar it is to the problem of the swine flu, but I haven't gotten anybody saying something negatively about that, so I suppose I'm safe.

Once again, thank you so much for reviewing! The feedback is much appreciated. ^^


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Review #39, by kittikatlova Harvey Fielding

15th August 2009:
Great! What a fresh new idea for a story! So, I thought it only affected adults? Does this mean it is going to sweep through the students? I love that the Weasleys are scattered throughout all 4 houses too. That makes it much more real. I cant wait to see if Rose falls ill or whatever else happens! Great job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the feedback!
As for all your questions, I guess you'll just have to wait and see, eh? ^^


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