I really love this story. The banter is absolutely beautiful and your characterizations are fun. I'm not sure how I feel about Jack yet, though. He seems to annoy me despite how charming other people may find him.
Maybe I'll find him more endearing later on. Not sure.
I do love how brilliant Al is yet how oblivious he is, at the same time. Poor Al. His last line of his chapter really made me smile. I can see why he was only almost grateful.
In this chapter I picked up on a few grammatical errors - nothing huge, but it seems worth mentioning: is bed should his bed, I believe. & when Jack is threatening his cousin - and threatening should be and was threatening. Other than that, I didn't see anything wrong with this chapter.
This is a really interesting story and a different take on the next gen characters. I really rather enjoyed it so far.
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you are liking this! :)
I absolutely love writing banter; I find it so entertaining. But I'm not usually brilliant at it - I tried really hard with this story.
You never know, not everyone is going to like the same characters :)
What can I say? They're all so polite to each other.
Thank you for telling me, I will go through the fix them when I have a spare moment.
Thank you again! Report Review
I absolutely love your characterization of Albus. He isn't that friendly wimp that most people characterize or the feeble one that only has intellectual proweress. He seems to possess a certain amount of intellect, grace, and arrogance.
I also love the duo you created with Scorpius and Albus, and how Scorpius would more likely bite your head off despite the fact that he looks kinder.
You're really rather witty, I found myself laughing a few times. If only my peers had been this engaging, I might have actually had fun. I was sarcastic once, and had to explain the concept of sarcasm to them. It's no fun if no one understands you.
As far as grammar and spelling go, I didn't stumble upon any errors so kudos! I rather appreciate pieces that have that polished look.
I also like that instead of "Merlin" this and that, Albus says "Circe". It's very original. Everyone always wants their characters to be saying Merlin this and Merlin that. It really does get quite exhaustive. Unless it's Ron because let's face it, Ron is anything but original, sometimes.
I also like how he nicknames the girl Bambi. It is really rather cute.
I'm really excited for this start, and I'm glad I found this story. I can't wait to see what the next chapters hold.
Great work thus far!
LindersAuthor's Response: Hello!
Thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad that you've enjoyed this! And I hope that you liked the rest as much!
Don't get me wrong; I do love the way that other's write Albus, and sometimes the other characterisations that you've described are nice to read, but I was getting a little bored with some of them and so I thought I would give it a crack; writing something different, so I'm glad that you liked it!
Haha, I would love to say that I am a witty person in real life, but alas ... I am simply not.
To read a review that says 'I found no errors' - or similar, in this case - is a very, VERY rare thing for me; my grammar and spelling is appalling, even with a computer. However I try my best to rectify that, until this story, I wasn't sure if I had managed it. So, thank you! Report Review
jack and bambi are awesome ;).
i also like scorp and al, though i can't understand their obsession with coffee. i hate the stuff, but oh well.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you're enjoyed it so far.
As for the coffee obsession, I'm not sure about the stuff either, but I know that some of my friends are rather attached to it. :D Report Review
i really like this. i like the writing style, it's detailed and almost...poetic.Author's Response: Thank you so much, that is so lovely to hear. I hope that you enjoy the rest! Report Review
I really like this, it's original and well-written.Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! I'm glad that you're enjoying this! I hope that you like the rest! :D Report Review
I like the end, how he called her Nancy instead of Bambi (:Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed this, and that you liked that bit! :D Report Review
I enjoyed the story, especially Al's and Scorpius' friendship. If you ever wrote up a sequel, I would definitely read it, especially if there was some Rose/Scorpius in it because, though Aria was cool, I could actually see her more with Jack for some reason. Anyway, I loved it!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed this story!
I love writing Albus and Scorpius, I seem to just write them in to everything, even if they are only minor characters :D
As for a sequel, I had begun writing one, from Aria's point of view, but I never got very far with it :P We will see how that one goes down. Thank you again! This review if lovely! Report Review
this was a great ending. =D
fun little story, i liked the characters you created.Author's Response: Thank you for all of the reviews! I'm glad that you liked this! :D
It was a sweet little thing for me to post, and I enjoyed it, so it's good that you did too - hopefully it came through in the writing, that I had a good time writing this story. :) Report Review
this line made me laugh so hard:
[Scorpius brushed his hands through his hair in despair. "Why are you a Slytherin?"]
haha, i could just picture Scorpius getting frustrated with not being able to hex white.
and al was so sweet in this chapter. i "awwwed" like a total loser, hahaha. i really cracked up at this line:
[Spades. That's what I was going to use to hit the bastard with later tonight.]
i hope he gets revenge, for bambi's sake. i think it's cute that he gave her a nickname. i like it better that just nancy.Author's Response: Scorpius always seems to get the good lines :)
Awwing doesn't make you a loser - it's lovely for me to hear that you did though :P
That was a spur of the moment line, but I'm glad that I wrote it! :D
Thank you for the review! Report Review
LOL. i LOVED the exchange between al and white. i REALLY wanna see scorpius hex him.
my favorite line was this one:
I smirked. "A bad boy," I repeated to myself in mock approval. With a small tap on her head with the book I winked. "Something every good girl needs."
it just made me grin uncontrollably. especially since it pissed white off so badly.
thanks to that teaser, i am NOT about to walk away to get some lunch, hahahaa. MUST CONTINUE!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far.
I can honestly say that, that was my favourite scene in this entire story! Writing that was great fun for me. :) Al and Adam seemed to just bounce off of each other. :D
And I love that line :) I'm glad that you do too :)
Haha! I hope that you didn't go too hungry! Report Review
hahaha, i really like the jack/bambi dynamic. albus seems very...cold...distant...serious...i dunno. it's a little unsettling. i've never read about an albus like this one. but i want to read more! hahahaAuthor's Response: Thank you :)
I'm glad that you like it! Writing Jack is really odd, it's like his character comes so easily to me, and I want to write him in to everything, but I have to stop myself.
I tried to make Albus different; the characterisations were all getting a bit too similar for my liking - well, of the occasional story that I have read :P
I thought that I would try to mix it up :D Report Review
this sounds...different. good different. intriguing, even. i really wanna know what happens!Author's Response: Haha! :) Thank you for the review! I hope that you enjoy this story!
There was a large period of time between writing this and writing my previous stories, my writing (I hope) matured a lot, and plus I tried to give this story a more sophisticated feel! Report Review
Loved this story. Very funny XDAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed this! :D Report Review
AH this was so cute. is it over :( haha. i like this. i like nancy's character. fantastic job :)Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Sorry about the short length, I thought it was a nice place to end it.
I am in the planning stages at the moment for a sequel, but don't hold me to that :D
Thank you again! Report Review
ahhh! that was such a good story!
i love al and bambi :) very cute and the whole cards thing was great
scorp and jack are hilarious :)
its a nice change to read a story where all the next gen kids arent dominating the griffindor quidditch pitch and burning down the burrow, dont get me wrong, those stories are fun, but i like the change in the main character of Al :)
for some reason, this reminded me of skins, the tv series... except without the drugs and sex and all that madness... (so not really like skins at all) but Al just reminded me of tony for some reason :)
although, got one question - what happened to scor and rose in the end? loose end? or does this call for a sequel? ;) i think it does ;)
anyways, this review is now about 10 times longer than i first anticipated... cutting to the chase - amazing story, would love to see these characters again :)
AD xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this!
Writing Al and Bambi was really fun, it seemed to come a little more naturally to me than some of my other stories that I am stumbling over at the moment. :D
I can relate to that. I love the stories where the entire family is bat-crazy, but sometimes a bit of a change is nice too :)
I absolutely love skins.
I hadn't really thought of this like that, but now that you've said it ...
I am in the planning stages at the moment for a sequel - but don't hold me to that. It's why I hadn't given them an end. Originally this fic ended with Nancy and Albus as just friends, and Aria with a bigger part and a few more changes, but when it came down to writing it, I just preferred this ending :)
Hopefully I get time to finish the sequel, and hopefully someone will like it :D
Thank you again! I'm over the moon that you liked it! Report Review
aw, that was a cute ending :) Its like "you annoy me! But I want you". Cute factor :D I love Lily! She seems like a mental case! Gotta love it! I loved meeting Aria! She seemed like a riot and a half! And good ol' Scorp always makes me giggle! So... what are you doing now? Any more stories up your sleeve? Cause I dont know what i'll do with out my fix of Wolvesbane/Seven/TheKingofHearts! I shall be lost! Reguardless, you know I think you're awesome! Keep writing! - Kirsty xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm sorry about the late reply, but I'm here now! :D That counts, right? :L
I didn't think that they would have a lovey-dovey relationship, more like the one you described :D so I tried to create that!
I always imagine Lily Potter II to be an abslute raging lunatic, in every story, she is bat-crazy. I try to make her character memorable.
Aria was originally going to have a larger part in this, and end up in a relationship of her own, but I changed my mind and wanted it to be more focused around Al and Bambi, but I am in the planning stages now of writing more for her - but don't hold me to that. :L
Now, I am updating my one-shot 'Ranny' and making it a novel. I have written 21 chapters already, so the updates shouldn't take too long. :) Hopefully it goes down all right :) I also am in the stages of writing many different fic's but whether or not I will ever finish any of them is a different story.
Thank you so much. I am very flattered! :D Report Review
I'm a bit late in reviewing, so again, my apologies =D
*takes in a deep breath, ready to start the rant and stop the sobs*
first off, I AM DAMN UPSET THAT THIS ONE IS OVER. It was SO SHORT. *wails like a 5-year-old wails for more chocolate*
However, the chp was brilliant.
I loved Lily's contribution =D Adam White got what he deserved!! Lol. Thumbs Up for that!
And have I mentioned how much in love I am with Scorp?! Oh Merlin, I have totally fallen for this guy! He is right next to James Potter II on my Hit Guy List!! =P
And the blonde friend (I forgot her name, sorry!) was supercool. I mean, not cooler than Bambi, but well she was good. Wish there was more of this fic so we could see more of her. *starts sobbing again*
And the entire scene between Al and Bambi was just so cute!! From the start till the end!! It was PERFECT. I loved it!! You always write in such a way that makes all the couples so perfect for each other! It was really very nice. Good job on that!!
And this fic, overall, won my heart! It was light, sweet, funny, cute and really just very very well-written. Your writing gets better and better with each fic, though of course Wolfsbane still remains my fav =)
I am now looking forward to any other fic you write (Ranny, I think, right?)... oh don't groan, I'm going to lurk around here and keep bombarding you with long reviews for every fic you write!!! =P
Anyway, coming back to the point, The King Of Hearts was a very enjoyable read and I loved all the scenes and the characters. My top fav are Scorp, Bambi, and Al. Jack and Lily too. And Top non fav is got to be Adam! hehe!
This one was another very realistic fic; good characterization, very well-written plot, nice flow and dialogues; all in all an awesome piece of work. There were a few grammatical/sentence formation errors here and there, but they were very minor and can be skipped or fixed (whichever) =D
I loved reading this one, it always put a smile to my face!!
Thanks for writing it...!! It is quite sad that it has ended, but well, every good thing has to come to an end one day *sigh*.
Oh, and my fav line:
She smiled. “It seems that Albus Potter has found his charm.”
“It doesn’t appear to be working,” I say and her eyes light up a little. Odd. “The girl he wants isn’t kissing him.”
It was really very cute. And I loved their kiss also, especially how it wasn't slow and romantic, but actually aggressive and passionate; that was just so Bambi and Albus really; and it defined their character really well!!
Okay, I think I should stop now, since I'm going on and on, but my journey as a reviewer for you doesn't end here, 'cause I'm gonna wait around for another fic of yours and read and review it; and gonna drop by your MTA page once again... don't worry, not now.. maybe after some more days!!
Great work once again!
P.S. You rock!! totally!!Author's Response: You are absolutely awesome! Thank you so much for such a lovely review, as always :)
You're late reviewing? I'm late replying, my apologies about that :L
I'm glad that you enjoyed this, despite the short length.
I'm so happy that you like Scorpius, I'm totally in love with him; I tend to go through characters that I love, before was James - at the moment, it's Scorpius. :L I tend to switch between them :)
Her name is Aria - sorry about it's confusing-ness. :L I read it somewhere and fell in love with it for this character.
I'm actually planning to write a companion story to this, the plan's all had it from Aria's point of view, and I'm finding her really fun to write, however I can't seem to find a quick paced plot such as this one, but I'm working on it :D
We'll see what happens :D
Thank you so much! Despite Lily's small mentions, I tried to make her memorable, I love her character so much! I always think of her as an absolute raging lunatic!
And of course Adam has got to be disliked :L that's just the law. :D
I would be absolutely honoured if you were to keep reading my fic's, 100%. You always put a lovely smile on to my face, and I'm always over the moon to hear that you enjoy them so much.
I am trying to beat Wolfsbane, but I'm am failing :D The character link I had with Charisma I think is a unique one. She was my first proper character and I don't think that I could ever have that again, but if I could, I would be completely honoured. :D I absolutely adored writing her.
I didn't think that they would have a lovey-dovey relationship to begin with, I always imagined it to be awkward and a little aggressive, so I tried to create that. :D I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Thank you again! You're again, you're absolutely lovely!
Ranny is now on chapter two, so I hope that you enjoy it! :)
Thank you! :D Report Review
I LOVE THIS STORY! This is totally awesome. I like how Al is really diffrent than he's usally protrayed in other stories. This story is really great, and i'm atticted to it. So thanks for being awesome. And I was totally waiting for that scene, and i'm glad that its here! Again, thank you!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you've enjoyed this!
I tried to write Al a little differently, so it's awesome that you think he is. :)
Thank you again - especially for the review! Report Review
Epic. Really epic. Ive loved this story. The length fits it, even though my id is screaming for more. You story has been wonderful so thank you.11/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this!
Thank you again! :D Report Review
Aw, such a great story! It ended so soon, though!
Great writing and I hope you take the time to write more!
Once again, awesome story.
Bethan, xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Sorry about the length, it was the first short story I had ever written, I thought that I would give it a try! :D
Thank you again! Report Review
W-w-wait. It's over!
This review will not be as long as Wolfsbane/Seven (Still don't know what went through my mind when I wrote that)
Bambi is the sweet little perfect Hufflepuff. I like how in every chapter she has her deck of cards (cause her skills are awesome). I don't know why, but it's just something I notice. Bambi and Al are awesome together (Adam needs to go somewhere else, that's right). It's great that Bambi didn't get mad at Al for he 'did'. Her nickname just completes the whole thing.
Al is hilarious in this chapter. He's awesome too. I love his thoughts on everything around him. Like his sister, Scorpius, Jack, Adam (grrr), and of course Bambi. My favorite line from this chapter from him was after Adam was found.
He seemed to have had a run-in with the centaurs.
I felt no remorse.
I laughed hahaha.
You're an awesome author (just thought to remind you). And I STILL have to stop by you MTA page (Don't you hate it when you're horribly tired but you have so much to do?). And ASKEH questions.
(So Ranny is next? I am extremely excited :))Author's Response: I'm not to sure either, but I'm glad that it did! :D ANd I should thank whatever it was! So ... THANK YOU! :D
I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this one! I hope that it's lived up to your expectations!
I loved writing every character in this story! Which is a change, because usually there are a couple of characters that I try to avoid writing, but I can't seem to just write them out!
Writing Al was so different to anything that I had done before, I've written from a male's point of view before, but to make him sarcastic and with a dry outlook on life too - well, that was slightly difficult at the beginning, but I must have been in a bit of a 'manly' state of mind for a while when I wrote this, because I managed to finish it! :D
Thank you *blushes* :)
If you would stop by, I would love you forever!
Yeah, I can completely relate to that feeling, I've been ill for a while now, so I feel really lethargic all the time :/ BUT! It means that I have more time to work on stories. :)
Yeah, Ranny is next, I wrote chapter 21 of that a couple of days ago, only the epilogue left to go :) I hope it goes down well, I'm too sure about it; Ranny is a bit of a pushover :/ But we'll see :D
Thank you again! Report Review
AW! Such an adorable chapter!! Bambi is so cute!! I loved it when she punched Albus in the stomach. Haha!! Oh and Adam White definitely got the fate he deserved! Aria reminded me slightly of Luna, who I love to pieces! The way she wouldn't be mean to the boy who made her fall off her broom! I do have to say that Scorpius was one of my favorites! I really do love that boy. So soo good!!
PS Do you have any new stories coming out soon??Author's Response: Thank you! :D
I'm glad that you enjoyed this, Graceyn.
I thought that it was a very Bambi thing to do - panic and then punch.
I planned for many different things to happen to Adam, however most of them would have been considered illegal, so I was forced to go with this idea :L
In a way I guess she is a little like Luna; I hadn't really thought of that :D
She is one of my favourites for this story, despite being a minor character in this one. I had originally planned this story to be one of three parts, the first being Albus about Albus, the second being about Jack and the third being about Aria. So I might do that, but then again ... you know what my brains like, I get a bit distracted!
Thank you again! I absolutely adore Scorpius too! He's always interesting to write!
Yeah, actually I do! :L
I am updating a one-shot that I wrote a while ago, 'Ranny', to make it a Novel. I wrote chapter 21 yesterday and so will hopefully start posting that one soon!
I also have a couple of stories in the works, so we'll see how they turn out! Thank you again for the lovely review! Report Review
i loved it! the ending was perfect!
and i'm glad that adam got what was coming to him ;)Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
I thought of so many things that they could do to Adam (however most of them were illegal) and so I went with this one in the end. Thank you again!
I'm so glad that you liked the ending! Report Review
I loved the ending, I think it was great. I really enjoyed how this story was short and it didn't drag. I'm really happy about the way Albus and Nancy got together, I love the way you portrayed their characters.
:)Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D I'm glad that you enjoyed this - and the ending!
I couldn't not put them together at the end of it, I thought 'nah', and then I tried to make their kiss and non-mushy as possible; neither of them are really romantic people :D
Thank you for the review! Report Review
That was the cutest yet not mushy getting together scene ever :) I loved this story so much, it was really well written and I enjoyed every chapter! Thanks for writing this story, it was amazing! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it! You've certainly put a smile on to my face! :D Report Review
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