Hi there, it's Atomic from the forums responding to your review request!
I would first like to say that I absolutely loved, loved, loved all of your descriptions! This chapter was so vivid and you used such a wide range of vocabulary. I absolutely adored it!
As for the Dialogue, I think it was absolutely perfect. There was a great balance of it and it seemed very believable and realistic.
It's a bit early to tell with characterization. Cho and Hannah aren't seen as well as some of the other CCs so I really can't give you an opinion on them until I read more of how you've written them.
Flow is pretty good, it was a bit difficult in the beginning with all the new names and different girls in different locations, but I really like how you tied them all together. By the end of the chapter, it was going really well.
Looking forward to reading more!!Author's Response: Hi Atomic and thanks so much for the review! I logged on and saw a rush of new reviews and was pretty ecstatic. :)
Thank you so much, I'm really glad you found it believable. Cho and Hannah have no characterization at all in the books really, so I was happy to write a backstory of sorts for them.
I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I like this story, although Cho isn't one of favorite characters :)
but I think Ginny should be more involved in the story,that would cause tension between Harry, Ginny and Cho.Author's Response: Well, that's okay - Cho doesn't have to be your favorite character.
And Ginny doesn't really enter in the story, but there's still some Harry/Ginny tension going on. We'll see! :) Report Review
I really like this story :-)
you are doing a great job.I cant wait to the next chapter.
Please update soon :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I will as soon as the archive problem gets fixed! Report Review
this is really good, i remember reading it such a long time ago and then stumbling on it now and realizing that a new chapter had been added made my day!
please update soon id love to know what happens next it's all terribly exciting!Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :) I'm so glad to have an old reader back - it's always exciting!
I'll be updating soon, so thank you for the support! :D Report Review
This is well written, I really like how you've intertwined all the girls stories, and I enjoy the friendship dynamic you've written. Also the whole thing with Malfoy and Lavendar was hilarious. I'm not sure if in the this story Harry and Cho really do get together, and no offense cause this is your story and it is written very well but I really wont like it haha. I love Harry and Ginny together :)
Anywho well done!Author's Response: Hey, thanks! Glad you liked the friendship, since it's so vital and central to this story! :)
Thanks so much! And I do suspect your Harry/Ginny love might be appeased later on, if you're just patient!
Thanks for the support :) Report Review
Okay, I kept hoping and hoping that Harry/Cho would be mild and maybe it would end with one date, so that Harry would go back to Ginny and Cho would move on. Umm...looks like there's going to be more of Harry/Cho than that and I am not really up for it.
I guess the reason why you aren't getting too many reviews is the choice of your ship...Harry/Cho isn't exactly popular and no matter how you write Cho, she doesn't seem to fit with Harry.Author's Response: Um, at the risk of spoiling this story, it IS like that. They don't jump into a date on the first go, because stories require some kind of a build-up.
Because this is a Cho story, it will undoubtedly have Cho in it. I really don't know what more to say than that.
As for the reviews thing, that's fine. As an author, I put my story and my characters before receiving reviews. While feedback is always nice to get, writing strictly for reviews is silly. This story was a concept that involved some Harry/Cho in my mind from the start. It'll stay that way, reviews or not. If I was after reviews, I could've easily made this an easier, more popular ship - Harry/Ginny, James/Lily, or perhaps Scorpius/Rose.
I've been clear from the beginning of this story that it has Harry/Cho in it for some parts. And that's how I intend to keep it.
As always, I appreciate the feedback. Report Review
Loved it!!! I´m not good at giving reviews but I just wanted to show that I liked it :)Author's Response: Thank you, love! :) I appreciate it! Report Review
Since its obviously a Harry/Cho story please label it as AU. Canon Harry was very unlikely to dump Ginny and then get it on with Cho! It was a pretty mismatched pairing. You obviously prefer Cho over Harry for Ginny and that's your choice. Just please label your story appropriately.
I read it for a bit because it seemed Harry/Cho would be one sided, but guess not. Don't think they work together and anyway I don't see anything like this happening after DH even if you ignore the epilogue. I won't get into any argument about canon pairings since you would obviously won't agree. Just Cho of all the people is the most passionless and unexciting girl to be paired with Harry.
Your writing is good, but well plot about Harry/Cho, doesn't seem plausible to me. Even the sympathetic way in which you have written her seems forced as if you are trying too hard to make your readers like Cho.Author's Response: First off, this is NOT an AU story. There's a reason why this story is not labeled as such and why Harry/Ginny is a main pairing. Whether or not you consider it mismatched is your interpretation and I'm fine with that. But this story's labeling will stay the same as this story is entirely canon compliant, as well as compliant with the DH epilogue.
It's a completely silly assumption to suggest that I would disagree with Harry/Ginny as a canon pairing or that I have any particular favoritism for Harry/Cho; I've written Harry/Ginny before and write Albus and James stories often, which obviously need Ginny to work. This story does not ignore the epilogue and ends far earlier than the epilogue.
Honestly, this review did offend me a bit. While I appreciate your candor, you've obviously assumed that just because Harry is a character and Cho is a character and Harry/Cho is a ship, that I'd actually make them end up together. Perhaps consider the possibility that this story highlights WHY Harry married Ginny instead of Cho and has Cho move on with her life. Not every story has the main pairing work out in the typical cliche way. If you came on here for the sole purpose of reading a one-sided Cho who weeps over Harry loving Ginny, there are plenty of other stories that portray her as such. This is not one of them.
I'm also slightly puzzled why you went out of your way to read some 20,000 words of this story when Cho strikes you as such a dull girl. I wanted to portray a shift from that, since everyone grows up eventually and JKR's portrayal of her wasn't exactly fair.
I'm sorry you don't find it plausible; I'll consider that one of my failings as an author that you feel that way. However, I find it strange that you commented entirely on Harry/Cho when they barely said four lines to each other, and not at all on the other characters who have entirely dominated this story, such as Padma, Alicia, etc.
As an author, one must be prepared for all opinions and I can take yours in stride and in perspective. As a reader, I would hope that you can approach a pairing and story without preconceived notions about two characters who have said half a dozen lines to each other.
Thank you for the review. As always, I appreciate the feedback. You have given me something to think about. I would hope I have done the same.
I love it so , It's one of the best stories Ever !!
Can't wait till Harry and Cho meet again XD
Upload son Please =)Author's Response: Thank you! This story doesn't get too much support, so this is really special that you liked it so much! I'll update ASAP. :) Report Review
I like this story :) Its nice to see things from the other side of the "good guys" , in the real world. Its a good story and I am awaiting the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: Thank you :) Its focus on minor characters was something I've wanted to do for ages, since all that we read about is usually either from the Gryffindor or Slytherin side. It's nice to get a mix in there. Thanks so much for the support! :D Report Review
Hi there here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken so long!
I enjoyed your writing and descriptions. I thought your scene setting was done very well and I feel like you have a very good story/idea going here. I think it's a great start and introduction to your characters and story. I really liked Cho, I think you have a good grasp on her. I think you've got a good start in portraying characteristics of your other characters and it's set up well for further development.
I feel like you did very well at switching scenes and as far as format goes I think it flowed nicely. The only things I noticed were maybe a few awkward sentences that a beta or a good read through could help. I always suggest reading it out loud, it's easy to catch that way. When you have all four girls talking at the lunch, for clarity's sake I suggest adding their names at the end of dialogue. Also some specific things, this sentence I'm really unsure about what you are trying to say, 'It was a Tuesday which fell easily into all the other Tuesdays of her mind and it was made of speckled sunshine and too much too fast and of all the words she could've said, but didn't.’ Also, in your second last section, you have a few paragraphs starting with it was ect. I'm just not sure what it is. I think if you end the section with finally explaining what all of these things have in common it would make sense. I think you mean contentedness right? Just stating 'it was contentment' at the end would make it clear.
I really do like everything you say though in your writing. It has a lot of meaning and you've managed to create a mood and an essence of what your story is about without stating it out right.
Feel free to re-request!
Miss ChrisAuthor's Response: Hey, sorry it's taken so long to respond!
Thanks so much! I'm glad that it's serving as a base for future chapters; the fact that you said you liked Cho in itself made me feel like it was worth writing. Cho's never portrayed as being likable so hearing that was relieving.
Ah, I suppose that the dialogue could use some work. It's kind of inferred. I usually identify two out of three people talking and leave the third one out because logically, it has to be the last person left. And they usually switch off like people do in a real conversation. I'll take another look at it, though!
Um, I'm not sure how to explain that. It's my style of writing. It's a more lyrical, whimsical explanation of "It was a Tuesday like any other and it was a spring where she juggled many things and she often thought about the things she hadn't done."
The it repetition was intentional; I thought using parallelism would lead to a rhythm in the writing. And yes, it was just happiness and satisfaction. I left that out because it seemed like the rest of it would infer it - and apparently it did, because you gave me the right answer! :)
Thank you so much! I hope I answered your thoughts well and I appreciated hearing your feedback! Report Review
You did what you wanted. You showed us the growing up Cho's had to do, and now that I come to think of it I feel for her. I mean losing Cedric then feeling confused over Harry...Poor thing really. I'm glad you decided to write this :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I really, really hoped people would become more sympathetic with her after reading the last few chapters. So relieved it's worked .) I'll update soon with more fun times and less nostalgia, though. :D Report Review
Wow I'm happy you updated! It's a good story and I'm glad to see you're not gonna stop it! I really feel Cho was given a hard time in canon :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yeah, Cho was treated a bit unfairly, since everyone sympathized with Harry. Hopefully this'll correct some wrongs! Report Review
Ooooh I'm so glad to see a Cho story! Even though Cho is not the most popular character please keep writing!Author's Response: Yeah, Cho is certainly not very written or read about, is she? :) Thanks so much, I'll be sure to update soon! Report Review
Please keep writing! I love the story and I can really sense it going somewhere!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'll update soon! Report Review
I like the revamping of Witch Weekly idea. I don't fully understand Cho's fear of Hermione though. Last thing I remember about Cho was when she kissed Harry, while crying, in the Room of Requirement, and that she had feelings for Harry, while also feeling guilty for those feelings because of Cedric's death. But Hermione, I thought, had understood this and wouldn't treat Cho badly for it, unless there is something else I've forgotten. Anyway, I hope Hermione isn't as mean to Cho as she thinks she will be.Author's Response: Cho's the kind of person who holds grudges against people and has some irrational fears. In this case, she's intimidated by how much Hermione's accomplished and how smart she is, and is also slightly jealous of the fame Hermione has and she takes it out by exaggerating Hermione. Hermione and Cho will get along just fine, though, I promise! Hermione's quite rational about everything. :)
Thanks so much for the review!
I like how your story focuses on minor characters, and how they're not doing interesting things with their lives. That seems strange to say, but it's true. These girls are working in places they hate, doing boring, mundane activities that tires them out instead of revs them up. It adds a twinge of realism to the story, because not everyone who graduated from Hogwarts can have amazing, interesting jobs or lives. Although I do feel bad for Hannah, who is left out of the office world.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I did have a big focus on minor characters since they're so underrated. And it is true - not everyone can be chasing after Dark wizards or playing exciting Quidditch games, but that's life, I suppose. And don't pity Hannah too much - I think she's happier in the Leaky and that it would suit her more than an office. She'll find her place soon enough. :) Report Review
Hmm, I've never bothered to read a Cho story before, but this one seems interesting enough. Plus, you write beautifully. Hopefully, I'll have more to say in further chapters.Author's Response: Thanks for giving a Cho story a chance! I really do hope you like it and stick through it as it's one of my favorite stories that I've written to date.
Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
I really have to say that I like how Cho has a nice group of friends. It's something that I wish I had. Some peeps to help you cope over the fact that you're working under the person you loathe. GOlly, Cho's so lucky! Keep up with the work, love the friend thing!Author's Response: Yeah, she does! And friends are such a helpful part of getting over difficult days. :) Thanks so much! There are lots of friendship adventures to come! Report Review
I love it. I loved the original, and I hope you keep the same sort of tone. I loved the budding friendship that was sort of growing 'friendship' between Cho and Hermione, and all the 'minor' characters you added. I thought the first was great. But, I'm sure you know what you are doing and that I'll love this one equally. I really want to see some more of Cho's growth, emotionally, in her professional life and as a character. You really made me care for Cho, a character I thought could've had a great story in the original HP.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I didn't really know there were many readers from the original that would translate into the newer version, but I'm thrilled that there are. There'll definitely be a lot of growth for Cho, Padma, Alicia and Hannah along this story in different aspects. Thanks so much for the continued support!
- Celeste Report Review
I really like this! It has a certain eloquence to it that cannot be described. I loved the scene where Cho meets up with her friends and realizes that they're all in the situation as she is- at a job that isn't the greatest….I hope that you write more!
Will Cho catch Harry's eye in the next scene?Author's Response: Thanks so much! I hope Cho's life can stay as realistic as possible and that I can do that some justice.
I don't know about the next immediate next scene, but there will be some Harry/Cho eventually! :D Report Review
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