Reading Reviews for The Fires Within
705 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ForeverMarauder Five: A Whiter Shade of Pale

4th February 2011:
Hey, great chapter... I especially liked the line "Slughorn has enough favourites to populate a small village". I found that to be quite clever.
I have two complaints: The first is that the students seem to act more like fourth or fifth years than first years. I can make my peace with the crushes (although they never seemed very prevalent at that age in Rowling's version of Hogwarts), but it seems odd that a character such as Emma would swear. Obviously my own prudish tendencies come into play here, but when I was eleven, I never swore, and it seems odd that someone as quiet and unassuming as Emma would swear loudly multiple times after hitting her foot. Again, I'm only 5 chapters in, so it's possible that I got too specific of an idea in my head of what Emma would be like too soon.
My second complaint has to do with the Divination teacher. First, it seems unlikely that Dumbledore would hire a professor who was possibly involved in the Dark Arts. I took a look at your summary, by the way, which makes my comment on your last chapter irrelevant, and explains why you wouldn't know that Dumbledore had a VERY GOOD reason for trusting Snape. But still, the situation seems different with this professor, as Dumbledore seems unconcerned when Grimm brings it up, as opposed to flatly denying his involvement in the dark arts. Secondly, and this is a small thing, like all of my complaints, It is explicitly stated in sixth book that Dumbledore never thought of Divination as an important subject, yet in this chapter, he seriously defends its significance in protecting the children.
P.S. You should note that I'm quite a harsh critic. These are all tiny little picky things, and I wouldn't want to forget to mention that you are a gifted writer! You have a talent for creating excellent characters and drawing people into your story.
P.P.S. Sorry for such a long review!!

Author's Response: It's admittedly embarrassing to keep this story around, just for the reasons you've given here. It's filled with inconsistencies and you're not the first to express discontent with the way that these eleven-year-olds speak. I can't even read this story anymore without wincing, so don't apologize for being harsh (you're far from it, actually). It's an old story, but I'm still learning from it and the experience of writing it today. All criticism on it is welcome.

I'm still fascinated by the idea of Sejanus as a character, but I agree that he's shady. Very shady. Too shady. At the time, I was working under the belief that the Snape within the books was equally shady. It's unfortunate because Sejanus ends up being a wasted character in the end. I really should have done more with him instead of taking the plot where I did, but I digress.

You know, this is exactly why I have so much trouble writing stories taking place within Hogwarts. There's a lot more freedom outside of the school, a lot more ways of pushing the boundaries.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's wonderful to hear from you and to hear that someone reads fanfiction with such a critical eye. It's a rarity, and I'm flattered to have that eye focused on my work. ^_^

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Review #27, by ForeverMarauder Four: Speed of Sound

1st February 2011:
Another good chapter... there's just one thing I don't understand. At the time, Snape and Lily have been friends for quite a while, and he is already very much in love with her. Why is it, then, that he seems so indifferent when she falls out of the boat? The Snape I know would have saved her, either by magical or non-magical means. He wouldn't have cared if anyone else fell in, but Lily?

Author's Response: I had no idea what JKR would do to the Snape and Lily relationship when I wrote this. If I had known, I doubt that I could have written any of this story, as HBP "ruined" all my ideas (very dramatic of me to say, but it's true :P the whole concept of Snape/OC went down the hole at that point). The problem is that HBP came out while I was about half-way through writing this story, and it's after that point when the plot going to pieces. :(

Anyway, thank you again for reading and reviewing!

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Review #28, by ForeverMarauder Two: In This Life

1st February 2011:
I loved this chapter, as it gave me a better idea of the relationship between Emma and Grimm, as well as Emma's unique personality. My one small grievance is that Andromeda was in Slytherin, not Ravenclaw, but I understand your changing it for the convenience of the story.

Author's Response: There's no evidence that Andromeda was in Slytherin, was there? I go by the Lexicon, and they still don't have anything posted in regards to Andromeda's house. I suppose that all Blacks would expected to be in Slytherin, though I still like the idea of her being different from an earlier point, before she married Ted.

I'm glad that you liked the relationship between Grimm and Emma - it was something I very much enjoyed writing and developing throughout the course of the story. :)

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #29, by ForeverMarauder One: She Will Be Loved

1st February 2011:
I wasn't sure about this story when I began the first chapter, but I was surprised at how quickly you drew me in with your characters and plot. After only two chapters, I'm already concerned about will happen to Emma, Grimm, and Mort. The way you write, it is clear that you care about your characters and spent a good deal of time creating them, and to me, solid, characters that one can relate to are the foundation of any great story. That's all for now... I'm going to get back to reading!

Author's Response: That's wonderful news to hear! I do think a lot about characters, certainly more so than I do about plot (which tends to get me into trouble), and creating characters that are realistic and sympathetic is very important to me, both as a writer and as a reader coming to a story with such characters. Thank you very much! :)

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Review #30, by serena_lilian_snape Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

5th January 2011:
Ok, WOW. This is probably my favorite story I have ever read on here! This last chapter did confuse the heck out of me, but i kind of get it. It is so sad what happened to Emma, but even with an ending that isn't all cheerful it still is an excellent story. Amazing job, and I look forward to future stories from you!

Author's Response: Is it? Wow! That's brilliant to hear, and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know!

I'm sorry about how this final chapter came out, as the story did deserve better, but at the time, I really hated the story, how it had turned out, and how much the new canon of HBP and DH had "messed up" my ideas. That's my usual excuse for it. :P Though I do like the idea of the heroine ending things badly like this, in an asylum of all places.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! :D

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Review #31, by serena_lilian_snape Twenty-Two: Anywhere

4th January 2011:
best...chapter...ever lol i love this so much!

Author's Response: It's my favourite in the story, too. :D Thank you!

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Review #32, by serena_lilian_snape Interlude: All I Ask of You

4th January 2011:
omg that was so amazing, i love how you worked emma and grimm into the cursing of the defense against the dark arts job. And FINALLY even if it was a possible future emma and snape kiss! I can't wait to finish, such a great story :)

Author's Response: Thank you! It's great to hear that you're enjoying this story. Haha, I really drew out the Snape/Emma relationship here, though there will be happy bits in the future, if that helps any. ;) I hope that you like the rest of the story!

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Review #33, by serena_lilian_snape Six: With a Little Bit of Luck

2nd January 2011:
ive read it through to this point, and its amazing! It's so hard to find good stories with OC's but once i saw the award i thought hey this should be good and i was right :) i shall read the rest later, and am very much looking forward to it. I have to say you've also sparked my muse with this as well.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm very glad that you like the OCs in this story, as it's my first set of serious OCs, and I enjoyed working through their characters. I agree that it's hard to find good OC stories, and I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story! :D

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Review #34, by Stefenie Prologue : Broken Vow

28th October 2010:
It was not as bad as the AN made it sound...albeit the "white hand" was a bit cheesy but the idea was good

Author's Response: Haha, thank you! It's good to know that it's not as bad as I keep telling myself it is. XD It's got it cheesy parts, that's for sure. Glad you liked the idea, though!

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Review #35, by praiya Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

15th October 2010:
I admitted i'm still pretty confused by the end of the story.
Maybe its because i'm seriously sleepy right now,
but i didn't want to stop reading. sigh.
brilliant plot! so much 'plot inside plot inside plot' that i found it hard to follow sometimes :)
Lovely lauguage as well:))
thanks for sharing this nothing-short-for-amazing story with us!

Author's Response: It's more likely because it's a pretty confusing story. XD I'm very sorry for confusing you! And for causing you a lack of sleep while you read this. It means a lot that you enjoyed reading it, though, so thank you very much for reading and reviewing! ^_^

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Review #36, by madness Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

7th August 2010:
I think this was very well written, but I have to admit that the complex plot had confused me a little.

Author's Response: Don't worry, even I was confused by the end. The plot ended up being a huge mess, and I'm very sorry about that. Even with planning, it didn't work out, though that's something I'm working on now.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad that you thought it was well-written. ^_^

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Review #37, by Susan Seven: Uninvited

28th June 2010:
it's exams at the end of their second year? i thought they were still in their first year...

Author's Response: If I remember correctly, I jumped a year somewhere there. The timeline in this story is very confused at times, I'm sorry to say. :(

Nice name, by the way! ;)

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Review #38, by grangerdanger Prologue : Broken Vow

30th March 2010:
Ve-ery interesting. You have a great writing style. Many amazing stories are destroyed because of an author's failure to put out the ideas properly.

Thanks for posting this! Now I will read on.

Author's Response: Thank you! This is an older story of mine, so it's a wonderful compliment to hear that the writing style is still good. :D I hope that you are able to enjoy the rest of the story.

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Review #39, by ShadowChanger Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

12th January 2010:
*cries softly* beautiful. absolutely stunning in its entire length.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for all your comments and reviews! It means a lot to hear from you! ^_^

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Review #40, by ShadowChanger Nineteen: Only an Ocean Away

12th January 2010:
Thank you for a (what I sadly assume to be) final goodbye from Grimm. I love him too much, too. ='(

Author's Response: Admittedly, I kept bringing him back because I couldn't bear to let him go! So while I could kill him off, I couldn't remove him from the story (very sad :P).

Thank you for loving him. ^_^

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Review #41, by ShadowChanger Seventeen: The Scientist

11th January 2010:
**SOBS** **CONTINUES TO CRY UNCONTROLLABLY** Why?! Why did you have to kill him... of course I know why, the story must go on... This of course forces me to think of my own story's fate. Poor, poor Emma. I applaud your beautiful story once again, but must shed a few more tears at my dear Grimm's death. But I'm glad Sev and Emma sort of made up.

Author's Response: If you want the actual reason, it is that he didn't actually fit that well into canon, not beyond 1981 at least, and I didn't think it right to have him die then, not when the focus there is so much on the Potters. It also does a lot for Emma's character development to lose him - she can't rely on him anymore and has to make her own way.

Thank you again for reviewing! I really appreciate it!

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Review #42, by ShadowChanger Interlude: All I Ask of You

11th January 2010:
NO! *Wails in terror and despair* Please, oh please oh please, don't let this be the beginning of the curse DADA position! I don't know if I could live through Grimm's death! *tears*

But, on a slightly lighter note, I do hope Sev and Emma get together. I'm a honest to truth Severus Snape lover, and him happy is me happy. Great writing, even if I happen to cry at a future chapter...

Author's Response: Poor Grimm. He was strangely always destined to die, perhaps because I love his character so much. :'( But it means a lot that you feel this connected to him that you can't bear to see him go.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! This story probably requires a tissue warning at the beginning.

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Review #43, by ShadowChanger Eight: Come Undone

11th January 2010:
I love this story, it's so well written, I keep coming back for more! I stayed up way too late last night trying to fit in one more chapter...(which turned into about 5 or 6 more)
Anywho, I really enjoy Grimm. I've never read a fanfic that included him as a character, and I must say that I love him. He's so mysterious and brooding, but also has that lighter side that Emma brings out of him. Thank you for a wonderful read!

Author's Response: Thank you for continuing reading! Because this story is my least favourite, it's always a shock to see people still reading and enjoying it, but I am glad of it, and it's people like you for whom I keep the story posted. :)

Grimm is perhaps the best thing to come out of this story - it gave me a great chance to develop him before using him in later stories, fully formed. It's fantastic that you like him! :D

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Review #44, by ShadowChanger Prologue : Broken Vow

10th January 2010:
OooOOOohh. It gave me chills just reading this! Excellent penmanship (or typemanship?) and I look forward to the remaining chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I hope you're able to enjoy the rest. :)

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Review #45, by Ann Ravenwood Six: With a Little Bit of Luck

2nd January 2010:
"Severus Snape had claimed another friend in the strange world that both resented and required his presence"
Best line so far!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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Review #46, by Ann Ravenwood Four: Speed of Sound

2nd January 2010:
The first few chapters (which I neglected to review individually--sorry) were a very pleasant narrative to set up your quite likeable OCs, despite your warning about them not adding much to the plot.
For this chapter, well, the train compartment would be crammed solid with first years clamoring to sit with Lily if all the fanfic characters were there at the same time. Glad you spent more time on the boats instead.
You did make me wonder, in Grimm's review of the sorting, how Pettigrew ever made the cut into Griffindor, even though I think that's canon.
Nice work!

Author's Response: Haha, that train scene! It's perhaps the most overdone and improperly done in all of Marauders fiction - so much so that even JKR couldn't resist including it in DH. :P It was definitely more fun to spend more time on the boats, which got so little notice in the books.

Peter is an odd character because he doesn't seem to fit into Gryffindor at all (except I see him as slightly like Neville at the end of PS, when he stands up to the trio). But perhaps the Sorting Hat either makes mistakes, or can see through people in a very unique way.

Anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! It was a surprise to receive new reviews for it, but I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! :)

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Review #47, by citrus7 Prologue : Broken Vow

2nd January 2010:
This chapter was simply amazing. I have read many stories where the first chapter is confusing and difficult to understand. (Usually because the author does not know how to start off) However, your first chapter was intriguing and kept me glued to the screen the entire time. I love OC characters and am really looking forward to your story :)

Yours faithfully,

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! The prologue of this story is one of the (few) parts I'm proud of - it really starts of the story off with a bang, and I'm glad that it sounds confident and was intriguing to read. :D

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Review #48, by isabella Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

30th August 2009:
i have to admit the beginning wasnt that good but man this is one of the best stories i have ever read

Author's Response: lol, really? That good? o_O I agree about the beginning, though - it's very cliched and the style is not one I'm proud of, even though I've rewritten some of those early chapters once or twice. XD

Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to read and review this!

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Review #49, by Rynnie Twenty-Six: Ending of a Story

29th August 2009:
Whoa-oh, I had to create an account here just so I can tell you how ridiculously awesome this story was.
I stayed up till 2 reading this and by the end of it I was a sodden crying mess. Your characters really sucked me into their lives and I hurt when Emma hurt, laughed when they laughed and.. Well, cried when she died.

You have the markings of a true genius ^^ haha, no, you'll definitely be able to write your own books one day if you so wish, and I have to say, those banners are all incredibly beautiful. :)

Loved the ending (that was SUCH a good description of the funeral), beginning, and everything in between. -two thumbs up- :D

Author's Response: Oh wow, you did?! That's quite a compliment, thank you! It's amazing that you've enjoyed this story so much - it's not one of my personal favourites, but readers seem to like it (which is why it's not been deleted yet). That it made you cry really means a lot - I wasn't sure that it could create such a response anymore. ^_^

What I am especially glad about is that you liked the funeral scene. I wrote it a few months before actually finishing the story and it made up for the mess I'd made of the plot. ;) Thank you for taking the time to read and review this story! I really appreciate it. :D

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Review #50, by Skizzy Interlude: All I Ask of You

13th July 2009:
:O. Wait, wait, wait. So Sejanus is bad? MAybe I'm wrong but I though he was. :l.

Mhmm, confused, but I usually am when I have just woken up.. Even if it 5:58 pm. It not my fault my brain wanted to burst out from it shell. :L

Author's Response: He is bad-ish. Not entirely bad. :P I think I tried to make this story as confusing as possible. It\\\'s quite a failure plot-wise. :(

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