I have two things to say to begin with:
PATHETIC FALLACY and PERSONIFICATION!
goodness me susan! you are a master of language. a conductor of it. this was stunning, even better than the first chapter which i just realised i am yet to review, lol. i shall get to it, i promise, because it was amazing.
the parallels to the bard's tale are definitely there but you have done something i wished i could - you have taken romeo and juliet, a play which i don't have a huge fondness for due to its incredible commercial appeal, and given it something else. something more. You have adapted it and shaped it into this universe you have created with such skill.
i think i hate you right now.
no i don't. i could never. i am just terribly terribly jealous!!
i will say it again - your writing has changed lately, and while it was great before now it is something else entirely. your work is instantly recognisable to me as yours.
i loved the balcony scene in this, or rather, your adaptation of the balcony scene, and i love that you mention it was a balcony scene. even those who have not read/studied romeo and juliet will know that scene. clever of you my dear ^_^
and i adored the scene in the slytherin dorm - so very well written. i could almost taste the unease and the disgust of the Montague's/Slytherins. again, very well done. I like the pun too - having a Montague as Scorpius' cousin. a nice fit for the Benvolio role.
gah. your ability to write with the senses is staggering. it blows me away every time and i think that is one of the things that has changed about your writing. you were doing it before, of course, but now you are doing it differently. your phrasing is different and you can write these beautifully long complex-compound sentences without getting tangled in them. i love that!
i cannot wait to read an update on this. your characterisation is perfect and rose and scorpius fit so well into the romeo and juliet moulds. i don't usually beg for updates but UPDATE??? please?
you are amazing and i am going to crawl in a hole and die now.
Kate xxAuthor's Response: You're killing me, Kate. Really. How do I respond to this and still manage to write another chapter without feeling like OMG I'm never going to live up to these standards *hides in a cave*. That's how it is at the moment - I'm terrified that my idea for the final chapter will just flop, especially since there's a gap in time between the second and third parts of a few years. This means trying to explain everything that's gone on since... maybe it's just a bad idea. >< I think I'll die before I manage to write a final part that satisfies my high standards. :P
Thank you SO MUCH for reading and reviewing this, Kate. I can't describe how much it means to me to hear such a positive review from you, especially that you want an update! *jumps for joy* It's wonderful because this story is so out of my league - not in genre, but in content, you know, Hogwarts-based with Rose and Scorpius together... that sort of thing. It's discomfiting to write, and I have to get beyond my own dislike of the pairing in order to write this successfully. It worked in this chapter, thank goodness - that kiss on the balcony is one that I'm proud of, if I can admit to that. :P It was a last minute inclusion - there was going to be a Halloween party instead - but what I like about it is that both characters recognize how cheesy it is, yet they do it anyway, just to see what will happen. That's Rose's mantra in this one - "let's see what'll happen if we..." - and it suits her slightly morbid tendencies and ability to manipulate those around her. She's an extraordinary character to write, very disturbing because she has that potential for being evil, if she put her mind to it, and Scorpius keeps trying to avoid seeing that aspect of her. He goes with the flow for many things, but he has a strong moral centre, to the surprise of many.
You know that it was you who helped inspire this story? Your "Mirror Mirror", coupled with Gina's horror one-shot and Gubby's fics really made me want to write horror too, so this is the result. It's more psychological than true horror - thanks to living off of Hitchcock films - but because of your influence, it makes it a million times for exciting that you're enjoying this story. And that you like the Slytherins, too, as I know you write a lot more about them than I do. I don't really get a chance to write them, but they are fun in their own way. And you caught the Montague thing!! Haha, you're the only one so far who's said anything about it, and I was waiting to see who'd get it. It's the most obvious allusion to the play in this, and I couldn't resist making use of that name. XD
Thank you, thank you for this amazing review! I could go on and on squeeing over your comments, but I'll get to the actual writing thing instead. ;) Report Review
Oh gosh, Susan, you've done it again! The writing in this story is simply MARVELOUS. I'm in awe of the different metaphors and parallels you draw in this, it's amazing. I can't wait for the next piece of this!Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! I don't know what to say other than that I'm really, really happy to hear that it turned out so well. It means a lot that you enjoyed it to such an extent. ^_^ Report Review
This piece is amazing. I'm not one to really enjoy fics that are based around Romeo and Juliet because they are often done horribly. But this was...wow. I was enthralled by the word choice, the story and the characters from beginning to end.
This would make an excellent one-shot, and I am actually quite curious to see where you go with it from here. It is such a lovely, poetic piece that I can't help but wonder 'what next?' While I know you said it was based off both Romeo and Juliet, I hope that these two star crossed lovers don't meet the same fate. That would make me said.
But I will definitely have to keep an eye out on this fic of yours.
There was one thing I did notice that had me read over the sentence a few times. It was nothing horrible, just a typo I'm sure.
It Malfoy took some moments to seat himself across from Rose... I don't know if you meant to word it differently, or if the It isn't meant to be there at all. But I thought I'd point it out.
Anyway Susan, I absolutely loved this piece.
LenAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Len! It means a lot to hear such compliments from you and I'm glad that you enjoyed this first chapter. What I tried to do was capture an older style of writing, with a more formal, careful word choice and very particular imagery. Like I told another reviewer, I actually thought of the rhythmic pattern of Shakespeare's blank verse to help me along - I suppose that's where the poetic feel to this story comes from, and I'm pleased to hear this method of writing worked out. :D
It will not end quite the same way for the two of them - that's going to be the catch of this story - but it's not going to end happily either. There's only so much one can do with the R&J story, and I couldn't entirely get rid of the ending. It will, however, be more horrifying than tragic. ;)
Thanks for picking up on that typo - it was a sentence that got rewritten partway through, and it looks as though I only rewrote part of it in the process. *headdesk* Typical me. I've changed it now.
Hopefully the next part of this story is able to live up to the standards of this first part - oh dear, it's going to be tough to continue writing this with all of these great compliments in mind. ^_^ Report Review
I have been mentally drooling over this ever since I first read it on my teeny little phone's screen, unable to review properly but wanting desperately to do so. Now that I have time (killing it while waiting for Pottermore to open, more specifically), I thought I'd stop by and finally gush about how much I love this. I squeed when you had that note on your author's page about working on a Rose/Scorpius. Susan! Scorose! What is not to love about this?
Seriously. I have been keeping up with pretty much everything you do (painfully behind on WTA -- congrats on completing it at last!) and this fic. This fic. I feel so inadequate and ineloquent lately, but I literally cannot begin to say how much jealousy I have towards this fic, for being brilliant, and towards you, for being even more brilliant. And I feel like I say that a lot (with you, at least, no surprise there) but I do think this is my favorite of yours right now. I mean, Shakespeare. Bronte. SUSAN. Just... just... -flails wildly-
I AM UNWORTHY. And you know what line just absolutely slew me? That was the moment when Rose Weasley fell in love. Just. I can't. I CAN'T. It's so fatalistic and beautiful and tragic and foreboding and lovely and lots of other happy/nerve-wracking adjectives that I can't think of now.
You astound me, you really do. Every time, but especially now. ♥Author's Response: *wipes away drool* Gubby! I can't believe this! I really didn't expect such a review - it's floored me and I'll just babble on until hopefully a coherent response spills out.
Okay, so you like this story? O_O That's super amazing and now I feel like there's a lot to live up to for the rest of this story. But why should you be jealous of this story?! You've written better, and it was you and Kate's dark stories that inspired me to write dark again. It's been so long, especially with WTA taking up most of my time, and there's something delicious about writing horror - there are only hints of it in this and the second parts, the real dark stuff doesn't happen until the end, but I love building up to it with the imagery and other little clues. So it is thanks to you that I wrote this (which makes it a million times more flail-worthy when you come and leave a review LIKE THIS).
It's fantastic to be playing around with Shakespeare's story in different ways - not the "oh most romantic story ever," but rather the "you know they die at the end, right?" and all the hatred and violence that occur in the play. It's sickening to see the story brutally misread - and it's the same with Wuthering Heights, which is also not romantic (creepy is the better word, extremely and terrifyingly creepy). But people call it a love story all the same. So I'm messing with them both here because they very oddly suit my warped view of Scorose. :P Draw them in with the R&J and then give them something to chill their bones. *is cruel*
Thank you SO MUCH for reading this story at all - the review is a fantastic bonus, a wonderful present that will inspire me to write more. To have you like this story means an incredible amount. ^_^ Report Review
Hullo there! To tell you the truth, I had been avoiding your stories for one reason: I didn't want to feel guilty about how amazing your writing was, and how pittiful mine was compared to yours. I have heard excellent things about Violet Gryffindor, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess it's what you call self pride. But I decided that I couldn't avoid you forever, and so here I am, afforing my little reveiw, for your amazing story. The reason I clicked on this story was because I love Romeo and Juliet and I was intruiged about how one could pull it off in the Harry Potter universe without making it entirely corny, or clique. I must say you pulled it off perfect, from what I've read so far. There was an elegent flow to it that somewhat reminded me of J.K. Rowling's writing, it seems to float. Your description is absolutely amazing, the way you capture an image that you have in your head and put it in writing takes my breath away. I feel as though I am there, the tension rising up as I watch eagerly the chess match. My heart literally pounded at each move, at each drip of sweat the poured off Scorpius's face. It was incredible and I am certainly going to read more of what you have written. You really give a great impact, and draw the reader into the situation.
"The rain continued to fall and there was always a hint of electricity in the air, thunder rolling down the mountains while lightning flickered across the sky and the ceiling, illuminating the faces of those who watched, silenced, bated of breath, as they took in the expertise of these young players of matched wits and wills, who mercilessly slaughtered one another without raising a finger." This line was absolutely my favorite. I can vividly picture this in my head, as though the lightning is flashing before my very eyes. This was amazing and I can't wait for you to update so I may plunge myself back into this world again.Author's Response: Really? What gave you any idea that my stories would do that?! Goodness, this talk about my reputation is rather frightening - I'm very far from the best or most popular, and you needn't feel guilty about my work at all. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story - it means a lot to hear from every reader, and I'm really glad that you enjoyed this story. :D
I don't even know why I thought of rewriting "Romeo and Juliet" because i really don't like that play, but it's been more fun than I expected. There's a lot of interesting aspects of the play that don't usually come up in stories based on it or in the common summaries of its plot. It's fantastic that you like the writing style - I keep Shakespeare's iambic pentameter rhythm in mind, and it surprisingly helps to keep the flow going.
It's awesome to hear that the story pulled you in that much - it makes me so happy that I'm able to do that. I've never written a chapter like this before, not about a chess game, nor with quite the same silent tension and very narrow focus. Thank you very much! ^_^ Report Review
Wow, it was beautiful. Eager to read more!Author's Response: Thank you very much! ^_^ Report Review
I didn't expect for you to start with yet another Next Generation fic so soon (they have been, are, and always will be my obsession. But I don't mind the occasional Marauders story. Harry's time, though, remains untouched by me for the most part.), which is why there was a delay in me submitting a review. But no fear, I'm here! With another extremely long review as well!
Though many have drawn parallels of the Scorpius/Rose relationship to Romeo and Juliet, I feel that yours was so intimately in touch with the spirit of Shakespeare that it defies all comparisons. Somehow though, I can't quite compare this brilliant opening to Romeo and Juliet (which, by the way, is far from being my favorite story. Sorry, but those two annoyed me far too much...) and at the first mention of chess, I was actually thinking about the absolutely brilliant musical Chess, which is, as you can imagine, about chess, but also about a love that defied expectations, the Cold War, and tragic endings. I was part of my school's production, and I tell you, it was of the most brilliant musicals there is out there.
If this story too does end with woe, then declare me a happy reader, because I have grown tired of fluff (not to mention bad grammar) even though not many people delight in such solemn stories.
This chapter has a lot of descriptive language and some of the lines delighted me in their masterful diction, like:
'In such a world, there could be no hope, only the dreams of those who could remember the raging colours of dawns and sunsets, the soft pastels of spring flowers, and the chilling blues of winter. '
'she looked down upon him like a queen at the beggars who grasped at her train, eager for any touch, any look. A glance alone would bring them fame. A touch would bring them fortune. Her glory would rain down upon them and they would be beggars no more.'
And tons more. Simply brilliant.
Character-wise, I hope Scorpius has more of a backbone than in WTA, but how he's a 'waif', sweats a lot, and compared to a beggar here doesn't give me too much hope. But I guess I shan't judge.
Rose gave a more favorable first impression, with her first shown as impulsive and dominating, but also sneaky and deceptive, and so beautifully, brilliantly triumphant in the end. Ah, listen to all the praises I sing for her. You could probably tell that she's one of my favorite characters. Well, when it happens to be she is written well, like here.
I think this could function quite well as a one-shot. Quite well. However, that does not mean I am not eagerly awaiting your next chapter.
This is quite dramatically different from WTA, eh? Just a thought. I miss that world already. Teddy/Rose, squee. But new stories means entirely new characters, so I shall try my best not to compare the two...though you probably will see me refer to WTA a lot...
I've been typing for a while, so I believe I shall put an end to all of my rambling. I'm not sure where this story will go, so I can't really speculate about the infamous 'what will happen next'. I'm curious about what shall you do with this quite open-ended story. Brilliant writing as always. People like you inspire me to keep writing.
Who knows? Maybe now that I've started at the beginning (aka virgin first chapter) I'll start actually reviewing all your chapters this time. I have done that a few times before, but unfortunately, those authors mysteriously dropped off around Chapter 7...I trust it wouldn't happen here, but I don't want to jinx it again.
Anyway, rambling again. Love this fic! Hope it continues! Don't stop! You're awesome, amazing, marvelous, and undeniably brilliant! That must have been the tenth time I said brilliant! I need to stop talking! Good luck and good bye! (for now, at least)
-Anonymous ProwlerAuthor's Response: Whoa, you're really exceeding yourself with these reviews - they keep getting longer! Not that I mind, of course, as you always seem to get me thinking, and that's very helpful when writing the next chapter. ;) Thanks very much for taking the time to leave such reviews - I really appreciate it!
Don't worry, I dislike R&J with a passion - too mushy and idiotic at the end, dying for love, indeed! With this story, I want to re-vision the original story to not just make it darker and more complex, but to also see the ways that it can be applied to Rose/Scorpius in a non-cliched way. I don't know if it will work, but it's an interesting experiment to try. You can be certain that it will end in woe - the second chapter is giving me trouble, but I know exactly how I want it to end, and it'll maintain the violence of the original, but with what I hope will be a cruel twist. They definitely won't be happy together, mostly because I don't think they ever can be happy.
It's true what you've said about Scorpius, and I'm working on making him more empowered. He's quiet, almost to the point of passivity at times, but he is extremely clever and calculating, probably more so than this version of Rose, who is guided, in a lot of ways, by her emotions. In this chapter, Scorpius is still young and uncertain of where he fits into the world, but the period shifts in the next two chapters, so he should turn out to be a stronger character (I hope!). I'm too cruel to the idea of Scorpius and need to be reminded that he's a person too. :P
It's great to hear that you liked the descriptions and Rose herself. The descriptions are a challenge, but I keep going back to the rhythm of iambic pentameter and it helps as a starting point for syntax and diction. For Rose, I'm trying to create the weirdest version of her possible - she's more like a Slytherin than a Gryffindor (though she's officially in Ravenclaw), which gives her more potential for moral ambiguity (and that's just superbly fun to play with). There's something wrong about her that others don't necessarily notice - Scorpius does, and while he has this irrational passion for her, he's probably already guessed that it won't end well for either of them.
It is a one-shot in many ways - like a prologue to the other two chapters, which will be more of a continuation of each other, whereas this one kind of stands alone. I think I wanted to write something as different from WTA as possible, if only to get over the fact that I actually wrote a happy ending. I needed something dark, violent, and somewhat horrifying - hopefully this will be it.
Thank you again for leaving some of the most amazing reviews I've ever received. It means a lot that you've left them and that you've enjoyed these stories I've written. :D Report Review
This is very interesting so far. I wasn't expecting your writing style to be like this -- it's very different than all the other stories that I've read, which makes it enjoyable in a different way. Keep writing, soon!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you've found the first chapter interesting, as I haven't written in this style for a while now, and never in a next-generation story, so I wasn't sure whether it would work out. :) Report Review
That was good. Really good.
This is such an original story and I love your writing style. It's different from the recent fanfics I've been reading.
But it's a good different.
I love your banner and summary by the way. Had me right from the start. Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's wonderful that you've enjoyed this first chapter - I'll definitely be continuing it. I know where I want to go, but still have to iron out the details of time and setting for the second chapter. :D
It's great to hear that you liked the banner and summary - I was trying something different graphic-wise, and I'm always pleased to hear that a summary is catchy enough. Summaries are always a challenge for me to write. Report Review
AH SUSAN! I'm soo glad you're writing a new fic! I've been eagerly waiting this ever since I saw your author's page with you saying you were working on a new scorpius/rose fic! this is so much darker and more intense than some of your other works but I love it. You have such an amazing style and I envy your talent.
Anyways, great fic, full of suspense and mystery and gorgeous descriptions that flow from the page (or computer screen in this instance) lol.
"That was when the scorpionís tail took aim, piercing her to the heart, its poison taking root in the deepest, darkest corner of her being. He hardly knew himself that he possessed such a power, that he was more dangerous than her, that he could permanently, mortally wound even the strongest of spirits, even the most hidden of hearts."
those lines sent shivers down my spine. I love it. I had to read Romeo/Juliet for freshmen english when I was in high school. I loved it and I ended up re-reading it last summer for an advanced english class. I cannot wait to see what is in this story! you're a brilliant writer and you should never stop!
I hope you're well. I miss tda but it was a good although bittersweet choice in departing. Keep writing! I'll be anxiously awaiting another chapter from a great writer. :)
SarahAuthor's Response: It's definitely darker than my more recent stories, but it does hearken back to what I wrote a few years ago - I've missed writing darker stories, and after reading some recent horror fanfics here, I wanted to write another myself. ;) It's certainly different from WTA, but I'm very glad that you enjoyed it and that the suspense and descriptions turned out well. Guess I'm not too out of practice with the style. ^_^
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear from you, and I miss seeing you around at TDA, but I know that you've got a lot on your plate. It's wonderful that you're able to stick around HPFF. :D Report Review
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