Reading Reviews for Betray the Night
  
74 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ParaSiempre Chapter the Second

28th August 2009:
I loved how you wrote Draco and Hermione's conversation! And I also love that you didn't have Draco thinking she was "beautiful" or anything like that (I see that in a lot of Dramione stories). Well, off to read chapter three!

Author's Response: Haha, yes, I'm trying to keep away from the cliches. Hermione is pretty, but beautiful wouldn't be the right word to describe her, especially when she's in such a bad mood! :P Draco certainly wouldn't think of her as beautiful - at least, it seems that he wouldn't in canon.

Thank you again for the review! It's wonderful to know that you're enjoying this so far! :D


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Review #27, by ParaSiempre Chapter the First

28th August 2009:
Hey there! First of all, I want to say that I really liked how you pulled off Hermione. You didn't make her OOC like a lot of Dramione stories. And I can understand her frusturation about everything! Her children don't love her-or she feels like they don't, her life has transformed into a tedious routine and she misses the adventures. Under other circumstances, I'm pretty sure that she woudn't have accepted the job so easily, especially since it's the Malfoy Manor but the fact that she worries about her reputation and house elves make it really believable. Also, I loved how you described everything so well, I could see the images reeling through my head so easily, lol. Off to read the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review! :D

It's great that you like Hermione so far - with her brains, I thought that maybe she would have trouble placing herself into the role of wife, mother, and Ministry employee. I'm glad that her frustration showed through and made her sympathetic to readers. You're right, she probably jumped at the chance for any job, especially one that would prove a challenge. ;)

I hope you enjoy the rest!


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Review #28, by confusedlover Chapter the Third

20th August 2009:
very lovely.

wonderful ending. you really seem to know where you are taking this and where you wish to go. amazing job. update when you can.

Author's Response: Do I? I'm glad I sound that way. :P I suppose I do know the general direction, though it's a bit foggy in places. It all depends on how the characters are able to work through their personal issues, their issues with one another, and also solve the mystery. :D

Thank you again for the review! I'm glad you've liked the story. :)


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Review #29, by confusedlover Chapter the Second

20th August 2009:
very lovely.

it was nice to get inside of Draco's head for this chapter. you are doing a wonderful job of setting this story up in a way that is certainly believable. nice job.

Author's Response: For this story, I'm hoping to flip between the characters each chapter - Hermione will do one, then Draco will do the next. It works better with the shorter chapters and still allows me to get into the heads of both characters, showing how they perceive the events of the story. :D

It's great that you're enjoying this! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #30, by confusedlover Chapter the First

20th August 2009:
very lovely.

an easy, realistic start to a story that can undoubtedly only get better from here. nice work. i can't wait to check out your later chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D I do hope that it gets better from here, that you enjoy the rest of the story as much (or more than) this intro chapter. ^_^

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Review #31, by whacked Chapter the Third

15th August 2009:
ok, so i said in winner takes all, ew, draco/hermione. but i tried this (because insanity overtook me), and because this is coming along so well, i want to know more! 10/10.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's not my ship either, but there's something strangely intriguing about writing it, and I'm always looking for something new to try out. :P

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Review #32, by MajiKat Chapter the Second

3rd August 2009:
hahahahahahaha
brilliant!! i was grinning from the beginning - you write a wonderfully arrogant malfoy susan - but this:
"No. No. Anyone but her." made me laugh out loud!! simple words. used beautifully!
i loved your imagery and i absolutely adored your draco - "By keeping his back to the door, he could retain that lord-of-the-manor styling that his father had so easily mastered."
and once again your writing is flawless ^_^

teeheee
10/10

kate xx

Author's Response: I've come to love writing a humorous Draco. For some reason, there's so much potential for hilarity when I'm working with him - it has to be that snobbish, pureblooded thing. And it's also great to try him out without all the angst that usually comes with his character. It's wonderful that you like him here, Kate! ^_^

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this! It means a lot that you're enjoying the story so far and I hope you like the next chapter as well. :D


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Review #33, by celticbard Chapter the Third

25th July 2009:
Hi Susan!
Oh, this is dark, isn't it? Positively gothic. Your prose is simply sinister. I love it! Now, if only I had another chapter to read. ;)

Have I mentioned how wonderfully original this plot is? It doesn't surprise me, really. You're one of the best writers on this site, if not the best. And even though the story is unique, the characters are entirely familiar. Hermione is intellectual and calculating, Draco is cold and aloof. Hmm, I honestly don't think they have to worry about the infection killing them. They seem ready to curse each other! ;)

Poor Dratty! What a horrible way to die. I would assume she had a very, very high fever. I love it when writers use illness as a plot point and you've certainly captured my interest with this horrifying infection.

I'm so glad I was able to read this fic. It was truly breath-taking, Susan. ^_^ I hope you have a pleasant weekend! Take care!

Best,
Lee Anne

Author's Response: Is it that dark in this chapter? *runs over to check* I think my humour has joined up with the dark side, because I thought this was more funny than gothic. XD But the Hermione chapters of this story (as their narratives alternate, chapter to chapter) is darker, so that's what you're seeing. There are a lot of demons both of them will have to deal with before the story ends.

I was too caught up in the image of melting house elves when writing this, something I found disturbingly funny. Also the contrived feeling of the story is getting to me - I feel so conscious of trying to get Draco and Hermione together. It doesn't feel natural at all (as I'm used to with my characters), so I find planning and writing this story rather funny. I just can't take the ship seriously. :P

It's fantastic that the plot is original and the characters in line with canon, as both of those things are very important to me as a writer. Thank you very much for the reviews, Lee Anne, as well as the compliments. Hopefully I'll be able to add more to this story soon. :D


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Review #34, by celticbard Chapter the Second

25th July 2009:
Hello again, Susan!
I actually read this chapter yesterday, but I was pressed for time and I didn't want to leave a quick review. ^_^

This story just keeps getting better and better! I love what you've done with Draco. He's almost emotionless, as though feeling too deeply would destroy him. However, despite his indifference, I sense confusion and fear in him. Also, I think he has a lot in common with Hermione. He feels as though he isn't a good father or husband, although he certainly will not admit it.

Furthermore, the verbal dueling between Hermione and Draco was just wonderful. They're both clever, sharp-tongued and their sentiments were so deliciously venomous.

I'm adding this to my favorites! Onto chapter three. ^_^

Best,
Lee Anne

Author's Response: Your favourites?! o_O Wow, thank you, Lee Anne! That's a great compliment in itself and I'm very pleased that you're enjoying the story that much. ^_^

I have a strange fascination with writing Draco, and pretty much all Slytherins. They have a more interesting thought process and belief system than most other characters, and often they're very conflicted individuals. Draco's older, which is where the indifference is coming from, but he hasn't forgotten the war and what came of it, hence his fear. He's learned to be cold from his parents, but he's so awkward at it, like it's uncomfortable for him. But he is similar to Hermione in feeling stagnant, like he's going nowhere in life.

The thing about writing Draco and Hermione together is the wonderful back-and-forth between them. After writing this chapter, I rushed onto the next because it was so much fun to write. :D

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this, Lee Anne! It's definitely an added bonus that you're enjoying it! ^_^


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Review #35, by celticbard Chapter the First

24th July 2009:
Hi Susan!
I'm here from the TGS review exchange. Honestly, I was thrilled when I found out that I had been paired with you this time around. Any excuse to read one of your fics is a blessing. ^_^

I have to admit, I have been eyeing this story for a while now, but RL has kept me away too long. It's deliciously dark, which you know I love, and your take on a successful, yet dissatisfied Hermione is a joy to read. And her guilt is so well put. She really wants to be happy, but is obviously stuck in a rut. Hmm, perhaps a little sojourn to Malfoy Manor will pull her out of it? ^_^

The atmosphere of this story was just fabulous. The fog, the green-tiled court rooms, the anxious department Head. You really know how to set the mood.

Well, I'm off to chapter two! Take care, Susan!

Best,
Lee Anne

Author's Response: It was wonderful to be paired with you, Lee Anne! At least I knew I'd be getting a great story to read (and I have been curious about your Draco one for a while, too). :D Thanks for coming to review this one - I love hearing your opinions. ^_^

This chapter is darker than the two that follow it, as I initially thought this would be a dark romance. Now it's turning into something a bit lighter (in a sarcastic way), but in a way, it's still really good that this first chapter sets a dark-ish tone. Hermione is the darker of the two characters in this story, since going back to Malfoy Manor means reliving past traumas. She's very dissatisfied with her life at the moment, and hopefully going to solve a mystery will do her some good. :P


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Review #36, by delta Chapter the Third

21st July 2009:
Wow, it just got interesting fast. The plot seems to have sprung. I await the Draco/Hermione tension in delight. :)

Author's Response: Because melting bodies are always interesting. Or is it the sudden claustrophobic feeling in Malfoy Manor? :P Thanks very much for reading and reviewing! Hopefully it won't be long until I get the next chapter done. ^_^

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Review #37, by delta Chapter the Second

21st July 2009:
I'm afraid my penchant for prompt reading and long reviews disappeared somewhere along with my time (yay for growing older D:), but every time I come back to hpff, the first place I head towards is your author's page. :) Your stories are like guaranteed excellence --- I haven't yet read something I didn't enjoy --- and given my slight obsession with Hermione/anyone pairings :P, this is no exception. Since I've also gotten impatient with age xD, I'll cut this short and head over to the next chapter. :D

Author's Response: Janet! It's wonderful to have a review from you again! ^_^ Even better that you liked the story. You actually come to my author page of all the authors on this site!? Gosh, that's really amazing and I'm very :-O right now, not knowing what to say. So thank you. It means a lot that you like what I write so much! *huggles*

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Review #38, by Arithmancy_Wiz Chapter the Third

8th July 2009:
Inexcusably late but here at last with a review ^_^

This is actually hard, trying to write a review for you. I feel the pressure to try and dig a bit deeper for new and intelligent things to say. Hopefully Ive come up with something helpful...

Beginning with the good stuff (and theres a lot of it!): Your writing has great fluidity to it. The scenes change from one to the other very seamlessly - movement of the location, of the characters, the passing of time, all happens very naturally and easily. Theres description and dialogue and exposition but its all melded together, propelling the reader forward without even realizing it. I think thats really fantastic.

You have wonderful "one-liners" as well...sort of unexpected dashes of dark humor. I particularly liked the line about Kreacher over-polishing his ancestors because he missed Harry. The chapter openers are wonderful too (my favorite: It was a messy little business). Im not sure how youd classify this line or why it stood out to me but I just loved it: Pokey shuffled away, then back, then away again. Its so simple, but it totally conveys the poor guys torment.

The dialogue is really well done too. I liked Ginnys line in chapter one about the Weasleys being late bloomers. My favorite was the back and forth between Draco and Scorpius. It was short and simple, but again, right on target. It gave the reader everything they needed to know about their relationship, no additional exposition needed.

I only have a few critiques/suggestions, but as your writing skills far exceed my own, feel free to take them with a grain of salt.

There are a few (mostly in chapter one) instances where it feels like you chopped out a few lines - like the paragraph started off in one direction and then suddenly veered in a different direction. For example

"...It seemed that, today, she would relish the long walk into the City. The visitors entrance would do well enough. The mist had wetted her through when she peeled her cloak off after reaching the Ministry offices. They were clean, efficient, and utterly without character, not that she ever noticed the latter of these..."

I was all set to read a few lines about her walk, but suddenly shes already in the Ministry. Maybe joining the first few sentences might have helped (ie, "...long walk into the City, the visitors entrance would do well enough, but the day proved damper than expected, the mist having wetted her though. She peeled her cloak..."). Or something like that.

Second, there a few instances where you insert something in the middle of your sentence - like this - that makes the sentence unclear the first read through, or else stunted somehow. For example (in chapter two): "...The kitchens of Malfoy Manor were impressive in size, all polished black and chrome, the very best cauldrons and stoves in place, a large ice box taking up one corner - those Muggles were good for something, after all - and the long counters..." The last four words now seem to be just dangling there. And the long counters what? How do they tie back into the bit before the break, the ice box in the corner? Another example (though this one is more nitpicky on my part): "...The body was there, covered with a kitchen towel conveniently stained with tomato he knew enough what blood looked like - leaving only the long feet uncovered." The blood refers back to the tomato, but the uncovered feet goes back to the towel. It just reads a bit off, even though the meaning is clear.

Lastly, there are several instances (one or two in each chapter) where you describe something as distracting a character from their thoughts. Malfoy "distracted" by the doorbell. For Hermione: "...Now she had to start asking questions. It would help distract her..." and in chapter one calling upstairs to "distract" her. Maybe be mindful of other ways to move out of exposition (or maybe just let the doorbell interrupt both Malfoy and us the readers without actually saying it).

You mentioned in the review request a few things. For the rating, I think 15+ is fine. Unless theres an epidemic of melting skin, I think youre safe. As to the plausibility of the characters and plot, I give a thumbs up on both. Im really enjoying the plot. The twist in the severity of the house elfs condition was great and unexpected...a good set-up for prolonged interaction between Draco and Hermione. And its totally believable that Hermione would take the matter so seriously. Not only is she prone to overreacting, you made it clear in the beginning she might be looking for a little adventure...and now shes found some. I love your portrayal of Draco. Not a replica of his father, not the kid he was in the books, but still has shadows of both inside of him. I love how the previous years have made him protective of his privacy and a bit stubborn and cranky, but not evil. Hermione is coming along well too. I always have the hardest time picturing her as an adult, but this seems to fit. It will be interesting to see how you make the romance come to fruition.

Sorry for this novel of a review, and again for the long wait (and the lack of apostrophes...these 'lines' are driving me nuts). Youre a great writer and I think this story has a lot of promise. Chapter two was particularly well written (I like the slightly less poetic tone you take when writing from Dracos POV). Im definitely favoriting the story and looking back updates.

Oh, and can you please stop making such ridiculously wonderful banners? Its just not fair to the rest of us ^_^

Author's Response: Forgive me for taking so long to respond to this. The length was more than a bit daunting, though I appreciate the amount of time that it must have taken to write this. Now to get myself through it all to write a deserving response. :D You've come up with a really amazing review, so thank you!

Fluidity is something I worry about, so I'm glad that it's working out for this story so far. My worry seems to stem from feeling so awkward about writing Draco and Hermione, both apart and together. Which is probably where the one-liners come from too - trying to relieve my stress with jokes. But I'm glad that the dark humour aspect is showing through. I originally meant this to be dark and serious, but it's really impossible to write a serious Dramione, not after reading too many ridiculously cliched ones.

The critique you've provided is immensely helpful. I write in spurts, so sometimes half a paragraph will sit there for a week, then I continue it without re-reading the first part (much fail comes as a result). Those are definitely things I need to fix up and look out for. *headdesk* The same with the other two things - I totally agree about them. Reading your examples, I'm going "what? I wrote that? It doesn't make sense!" - so editing is on the to-do list before I update this story.

Now that the mystery plot is up and running (both so far in the story and in my head for future chapters), I'm less sure how the romance side of things is going to come in, if at all. I want to include it, but I need to wait for the best time to introduce it into the story. Hopefully the stress that both of them are under while in quarantine will erupt into something. At the moment, it would actually be easier not to make any romance happen at all. :S

And I do wish that this banner was mine, or that I could stop making banners (it would help if people stopped asking me to, then I wouldn't have an excuse to spend so much time playing around in Photoshop). ;)

Anyway, thank you very much for this review! It's extremely amazing and I appreciate all your critique, comments, and compliments. :D


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Review #39, by Rosalie Beckett Chapter the Third

7th July 2009:
I really love this!

It's so creative and I'm completely fascinated. Just the idea of this is so amazing to me. xD The way you write is admirable.

I hope you update soon! =]

Author's Response: Wow, this is great news! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I\\\'m really glad that the story is creative and fascinating to read - Dramione is a tough ship to make interesting (at least for me). ;)

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Review #40, by MajiKat Chapter the First

28th June 2009:
oh wow
ive been away for so long ive missed little gem!
-favourites-
this is really really refreshing! and your narrative style - YAY - i love it! very ... 19th century prose-like. excellent voice ^_^ makes me feel like reading Austen!

when i have more spare time - when the little person is sleeping that is, lol - i shall read some more!!

kate xx

Author's Response: Oh wow back at you, Kate! This is very much a wow for me, too. Thank you for reading and reviewing this! It was so unexpected and it\\\'s fantastic that you like my Dramione! ^_^

Haha, the beginning part of the story is definitely inspired by 19th century novels (I read too many of them!). I should include more of that in coming chapters - it sort of vanishes after this, but I do like that style. It makes a perfect transition between scenes or for the beginning of chapters. *gets thinking*


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Review #41, by alanapotter Chapter the Third

19th June 2009:
Ooooh. Yes. :D

That's so weird! Yet so brilliant! Huh. I definitely didn't see that one coming. I didn't even know flesh could melt! Eew... Just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Again, your characters (including Pokey! *love*) were perfectly crafted and everything flowed together nicely. Except for the three minor things listed below, there really isn't anything fir me to criticize. Your writing is so wonderful!

"Never, misstress." -- extra s

"where did he find room to store that in his potato sack shirt?" -- I find it odd that there's all kinds of trouble for progressing house elves but they still get stuck wearing old rags. It just didn't really seem to fit in what I was picturing. But there is all that elf tradition stuff that a bunch would probably stick to... Just something to think about if you haven't already.

"his eyes remained focussed upon her" -- a little over ambitious with the a key are we? ;]

Wonderful story! I'd love to hear about any updating!
-Jill

Author's Response: The melting thing was a random choice. It sounded the most gruesome - just the one to get reviewers commenting on it. ;)

House elves are far more amazing to write than I thought they'd be. They are quite cute, so emotional and eager to please. :D For some reason when I was doing Pokey, I kept having him say "mistress" with an extra S. Either he has a lisp, or I have a slippy finger, haha. "Focussed" on the other hand, can be spelled with one or two Ses. It's another of those British/American things, apparently. >.<

I need a bit more time to think over the potato sack issue. The thing is that many house elves didn't seem too receptive of Hermione's desire to help them. They liked things the way they were. Perhaps she could stop them from being abused, but could she stop them from performing their traditions, including the clothing issue - they are freed when given clothing, and freedom meant disgrace. That was my motive behind doing it, though I can see what you mean, too. It's something I need to look into more. :)

Thank you again for the review! I really appreciate that you were able to take a look at this story, and your reviews were very helpful indeed. ^_^


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Review #42, by alanapotter Chapter the Second

19th June 2009:
Ooooh, very nice very nice.

I love the whole interaction between them... Draco was so... Malfoy-like ;]. I really like how you've kept him arrogant and liking all the fine things in life. While I do enjoy seeing him softer, in reality I don't believe that he would actually turn out that way, especially toward Harry, Ron and Hermione. The thoughts where he was thinking about not hating them because they saved his life, etc - brilliant.

Again, the flow was flawless! Everything just comes together so well, I have no other words to describe it!

"at he very least a hearing at the Wizenmagot." -- At the; Wizengamot :] Stupid spell check ;]

Yay for grammar awesomeness! :D

I'll read the next chapter as well, as there's only one more :]
-Jill

Author's Response: It made me laugh to see that I'd written WizenMAGOT instead of the correct spelling! XD They should so make Potterverse spellcheck, if only to stop all the words and names from getting underlined in red (and for emergency spelling errors like this). Now there's a brilliant invention in the making.

*phew* I'm relieved that Draco sounds like himself. It was difficult to get the right feel for him - I still don't quite have it, but it's definitely good to know that I'm on the right track with him. :) He has to be bitter, but not villainous (seeing that he failed at being evil), yet I don't want him to be too soft, either. This Dramione needs to be a be difficult, haha.

Thank you again for the wonderful review! It's great that you're enjoying this one, too. And I got the grammar down! *cheers*


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Review #43, by alanapotter Chapter the First

19th June 2009:
Wow! Interesting! I'm curious... you've got a nice mixture of genres here! :]

I think the characters are wonderfully written! The way you described Ron's letter was dead on to what I would imagine him trying to do, and the description of the whole Weasley family as late bloomers, etc was awesome! You've also really delved into Hermione's character and managed to execute her really well; I personally feel that she's one of the most difficult to write, so it's really amazing that you've been able to capture her so well.

The flow was flawless! It all meshed together so well! I'm really intrigued about her arrival at Malfoy Manor... I'm not really sure how she'll be welcomed yet... which is good on the mystery end of the piece ;]

"Her perky assistant was exceedingly perky at the worst of times." -- you use a lot of repetition in this, which I'm generally not a fan of. The rest of it wasn't enough to really bother me, but this sentence, I felt that the second use of 'perky' was a bit too much. It's not really used as much as many of the other words you chose to repeat, and the sounds/letters it has just really don't work well in my mind... I think if you just replace the second 'perky' with 'so' that'd keep the meaning, if you want to of course :]

Other than that, I have nothing to comment on grammar-wise! :D

Onward!
-Jill

Author's Response: Yes, that sentences is pretty awful. :( Either I repeated the "perky" in a poor attempt at humour, or by the time I got to the second one, I'd forgotten having included the first (which has happened before, sadly). I've changed it now, removing the first perky - the second one made more sense with what I was meaning to say. Thank you for pointing that out! :)

It's fantastic that the rest of the story is turning out well, especially the characterization. I've written a post-Hogwarts Hermione before, but that was AU, so here, with her marriage and children, she's in an entirely different setting, one that isn't entirely natural for her. Poor Ron, he's wonderful, but still awkward, unable to understand Hermione's situation when he's so far away. He'll get better treatment at the end of the story (I hope). ;)

Thank you very much for taking the time to come and review this! :D


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Review #44, by kurlz Chapter the First

7th June 2009:
Oh my goodness! The language! The literary devices! In the first paragraph alone I was hooked! And the poor house elf? Very nice portrayal of the tragedy of the situation. I can't wait to read onto the next chapter.

You created sentences that were enjoyable to read, and I hardly found any grammatical errors, so well done!

Keep writing, and thank you for the request!
~Kurlz ^_^

Author's Response: First paragraph? Wow, that's impressive indeed. ^_^ Thanks very much! It's great that you liked what was in this chapter, and I appreciate you coming in to look it over!

I'll look out for those grammatic things - I tend to miss a lot of them. :/

Thank you very much for this! :D


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Review #45, by amortentia18 Chapter the Third

6th June 2009:
Wow, I'm really liking this so far, although I did hope that Draco would have become a little nicer over time, ah well. The poor house-elf, I wonder what happened. Can't wait for the next chapter

x

Author's Response: He still might turn out nicer as things progress. He and Hermione certainly have a lot between them to discuss. ;) What you say about making him nicer does give me an idea, though, so thank you! :D

Thanks for reading and reviewing! It's great that you're enjoying the story so far!


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Review #46, by Deni Chapter the Third

5th June 2009:
This story has a very structured plot, so far.

I'm really enjoying it.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D It's great to hear that you're enjoying it!

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Review #47, by Billion Chapter the Third

5th June 2009:
Wow, that was a fast update! And so it begins - stuck together for who knows how long. It's 100% certain that the elf had a disease? Of course there is really no reason for someone to kill a house-elf so a murder would be kind of eh. This makes more sense and makes the story more realistic. My question is though, how are they going to figure out what it is? It's not like Hermione can take pictures of Dratty and mail them to the Ministry so they know what the disease looks like. I know! Maybe they'll bond while trying to figure out the disease!

I loved Draco and Hermione's interaction, limited though it was. Really, digging the dialog. I'm sensing hilarious times ahead. It's interesting that you included Hermione wondering who (or what) Draco was thinking of when he heard about the quarantine. Also interesting that she's haunted by the past yet is able to sense something off with Draco.

One thing though, I'm not sure how to describe it but I'm getting a kind of...detached...vibe. Like a lack of emotion. Is it planned to be that way because both the main characters are currently displaying a sense of indifference toward their lives?

Oh, typo: And she was trapped in Malfoy Manor with one the people she hated most in the world...

Definitely looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: The fast update probably contributed to the lack of emotion you mention, as I only wrote this chapter out of boredom and the need to write something. The combination of that and writing this chapter too late at night made this a less than satisfying chapter for me. But it does help move the plot along, and that was necessary, at least for one chapter. So the detachment is me being detached from the story. :( I'll try to put more into the next chapter, emotion-wise. The potential for it is there with both characters, but it's not come out as well as I intended.

When I first started this story, the idea was to make it a murder mystery, but you're right - who would want to kill a house elf? It's a bit far-fetched, so after watching too many episodes of "House", I thought a disease would work better. Hopefully the Manor's library can help Hermione out well-enough. I'm still not sure about what other resources she'll have. Someone from the Ministry may be able to enter wearing one of those special air-tight suits, but until they know what disease it is, Hermione and Draco are stuck in there together. ;) It should be fun (for me, not them), and it will allow for both characters to express themselves better, show more emotion. Situations such as this could easily cause them to set down their masks, if only for a short time.

I'll stop babbling now. Your review has given me some ideas and responding to it has helped me work through some issues, so thank you very much for your comments. :D I really appreciate hearing from you!


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Review #48, by Eridanus Chapter the Third

4th June 2009:
Hey, Susan. I know that this wasn't requested and hopefully it will be a little bit shorter than my crazy rambling reviews, but I just read this and I have a bit of feedback ^_^. Also, I'm not so sure that my reviewing has improved that much because most of the time all I manage to do is squee =P.

Your characterisation has continued to develop well in this chapter and I just find everything about Draco so very amusing. Hermione's reaction to the whole situation seemed very her and I like that it's still clear that she loves Ron, despite their lack of contact recently. It's realistic. I especially liked it when Hermione commented that Ron would have liked her know-it-all tone that she directed at Draco, very true.

The plot is really starting to develop and I'm extremely intrigued to find out what this disease is exactly and if it is even a disease. It seems to be terribly gruesome and I adore the whole mystery of it.

I noticed a small typo that I thought you would like to correct; 'But he elf came first'. I'm guessing that you meant the elf? Another thing that I would like to say is that in this sentence; 'He stopped so quickly that he fell backwards onto his arse with a squeak', arse seems a bit crass and like it doesn't really fit in. I know it's a Britishism and it's probably just a case of personal opinion, but to me it doesn't seem to quite fit.

Continuing on, sharing a house with each other is going to drive them stir crazy, but I'm really looking forward to some more of their amusing interactions. Cynicism just radiates from both of them and I love it! I'm also glad that you're beginning to appreciate the joy of writing Slytherins- you can just have so much fun with them .

Fantastic chapter, Susan!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for this extra review, Jane! It was a huge surprise to see (I love surprise reviews :D) and I really appreciate that you took the time to write it. ^_^

Just so you know, in the last response, I forgot to say that I'm glad you liked Quigley's name - I love coming up with wacky names for OCs. :P

Anyway, on to this review. It's a big relief that Hermione still turned out well in this chapter, not only because it's been so long since I wrote the first chapter, but also because I lost control of her in this chapter. She's really affected by Malfoy Manor and the memories of her previous time there, and it brought out a darker side of her that I didn't expect. Her love for Ron poked through, which I'm glad for (I wasn't aware of it myself when writing :P) - I don't want her to let go of him, and their marriage.

Thanks for mentioning the typo - it's already fixed (did that after first reading this). Those typos always get me. I don't even see them when re-reading (especially since I posted this bright and early in the morning :P). The other correction I also made because you're right - it is a bit too harsh for Hermione. That line was giving me trouble to begin with, but now I think it's much improved. :)

The plot is rolling now. *crosses fingers* I think this story might end up being more plot-oriented because of the mystery, but that will help keep it from falling into a grossly cliched Dramione. ;) Just have to keep hoping that everything works out - writing this is still very new for me.


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Review #49, by SunSation Gal 07 Chapter the Third

4th June 2009:
And so it begins. She is not stuck there with him because of what happened to the elf. And what exactly happened to it is a good question. Anyway, awesome chapter Susan and I look forward to the next!

Author's Response: Yep, so it begins. *evil grin* More of the politics behind why they're stuck there together will come in the next chapter. ;) For now, though, they're trapped there together in a wonderfully cliched way. This is more fun to write than I thought! XD

Thanks again for the review, Lee! ^_^ I really appreciate hearing from you!


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Review #50, by SunSation Gal 07 Chapter the Second

4th June 2009:
I can't believe it took me so long to get back to this story. Reading this chapter reminded me of how much I love it! Now, I won't say much since the next chapter is up to read, but I will say that I loved this one!

Author's Response: Haha, you have so many stories on your list that it must take forever to keep up with them all. :D Don't worry about it, Lee! It's great to see you back again, no matter how long it takes. ^_^

Thank you very much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading this!


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