amazing. heartwrenching.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
WOW I MEAN WOW that was an amazing short thereAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
One of my favorite oneshots i have read. this was so good. also extremely sad. I think you wrote it extremely well, and i was almost in tears by the end, good job! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! Report Review
Um, Mel? You kinda broke my heart. Sorry 'bout the mess, I'm just going to curl into a fetal position and cry for a while. You can find me in the corner if you need me.
BUT NOT BEFORE I WRITE YOU A REVIEW. Okay, so let me give you some back story - I didn't like Ron from about books 1-6 when I read them. I mean, I didn't hate him or anything but I always wondered what he was doing there, other than to be a link for Harry to have people close to him (the Weasleys) other than the Dursleys. I always wondered what the point of having him there was and I really didn't like the Ron/Hermione indications that were popping up everywhere - I thought she deserved better. That was until HP - he completely redeemed himself in my eyes, completely and totally, and I love him and everything about him.
Anyway, to get to the point via a very long-winded way, I say this is the most perfect and accurate portrayal of Ron that I have ever seen. This is a perfect representation of him pre-DH and I am absolutely in awe of it, and you. Honestly, Mel, I think this is the most powerful story I have read in a long time (including published things, mind you) and I can't find the words to describe how much it moved me. Amazing, completely and utterly amazing.
But mainly, Ronald Weasley is sorry for being such a waste of space.
-sniffle- I'll be in the corner now...
♥Author's Response: Sorry Georgia! -hugs-
The most perfect and accurate? Wow. THANK YOU! He can be surprisingly tricky to write, considering how simple he seems as a character. I think that's why so many people mess up his character.
Your reviews are so wonderful Georgia! Thank you for this one! I am so flattered. :-)
Melanie Report Review
You totally made me cry there :(
Beautifully written.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Report Review
Ohh. You made me cry. My face is totally red and puffy.
(laughs at self)
Brilliant job, anyway.
SophieAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Good lord . . . I'm honestly not that fond of Ron, but I think I need some chocolate ice cream . . . Well done.Author's Response: Thank you for your review! Report Review
Oh, I'm sobbing! How could Ron ever think that! Poor, poor Ron! *Longs to hug him and tell him he's not a waste of space!* That took guts to write. I'm saying well done because it was a splended piece of writing, and your use of words and imagry amazing, but dang you, that hurt to read!Author's Response: I know...it was terrible to write as well. It made me so sad. But thank you for the review!! Report Review
Wow - very nicely done... he was quite harsh with himself at the end but it was very well written and the whole idea was quite original and powerful. I love your writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh my God. OH.MY.GOD.
Because, honestly, is there anything else I can say? Melanie!
Ron is one of my favorite characters, too, that's why the bare concept of this story killed me before I even started reading. The way you've written this...it's a little masterpiece, but it's terrifying and it destroyed me a little inside. There are two sides to the story, and both were absolutely perfect. First, there is the things he witnesses without being able to interwene, the feelings others profess and feel. And the feelings he experiences. The emotions weren't forced on the reader at all, not the usual by-the-deathbed stuff you get. They were painfully subtle, all the more believable and real. Second, the effects of the poison, the way his senses and functions were failing one by one. That was horrible, so, so horrible, but perfectly described at the same time. The inability to do ANYTHING, the slowly fading vision and hearing...oh my heavens, I was stunned. Because, you know, even though this is not the way it happened, you made it so freakishly REAL you terrified me to near death. Especially since this was Ron. I felt close to weeping when he thought about his life, that he was a waste of space. About the friend he was jealous of while he was the only one who was fine with how Ron was. About the girl he was a prat to while she meant everything to him.
I don't know what else to say, truly. This was a great work, an amazing read. Very thrilling and touching and just HORRIFYING. Oh, and I loved the chess allusions, the comparisions...that was a great, creative touch, so fitting for Ron.
Reading this was truly great, since it's one of those pieces that totally get to you, but I'm never going to read it again so it doesn't kill me completely next time. Also, I apologize for being a bit exuberant. I'm always like that when something makes a huge impression on me. :)
xoxo ElizabethAuthor's Response: Hi Liz! Thank you for the wonderful, fantastic review! I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
I don't even know how to respond properly, except to say that your review made me immensely happy.
I was very glad to hear you liked the emotions here - sometimes I struggle with that kind of thing, and I definitely wanted to avoid the typical deathbed scene.
I agree, the idea of one's entire body slowly failing and not being able to do anything about it is quite terrifying. I think it carried extra weight with Ron as the victim, because he believes he's so useless and pointless and ineffective. So while, in his mind, not being able to do anything is so typical of his entire life, to people like you and me who love his character, it's ironic because his perspective of himself is so skewed (I hope that made sense).
The chess allusions were my favorite part. They sort of allowed me to structure the whole story, but I didn't want them to overpower it.
Seriously, I loved this review - no apologies necessary! It made me so happy.
Melanie Report Review
Just five words:
a brilliant piece of workAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
This is terribly sad. But in some sick way, I enjoyed it. Wonderfully written.
10/10.Author's Response: Well, thank you! I know what you mean, about liking it even though it's sad. ^_^ Report Review
Oh my gosh, this was simply heartbreaking! And completely, completely fantastic. Just... wow. Your writing was incredible, the way you wrote the emotions was amazing, and I also love how you fitted this into the challenge - writing an AU ending to the scene in HBP was a brilliant idea :D I loved the references to chess, as well.
You'd think I'd get used to how fantastic your writing is, but I'm still amazed every time I read a new one of your stories xD LOVED IT, Melanie :D 10/10.Author's Response: Oh, stop it. You are going to give me a huge ego. XD
Thanks for the amazing review! As for my decision to make this into an AU scene from HBP, that was partially brilliance and partially laziness on my part. I knew I had to write about Ron, because I had to use my favorite character, and I went, "Hey! There's already a scene where he gets poisoned! How convenient!!" XD
Thanks again! I really appreciate it. ^_^ Report Review
Well. In your request, you asked about emotional impact. This nearly got me teary. The last line was stunning, and I felt for Ron so deeply. The way that the reader knew that he would die almost the entire story (well, except for those who knew what staff challenge 4 is, and those who read your author's note...) didn't keep you from wishing that something, anything, would happen. That his last 24 hours of life were spent paralyzed were even more heartbreaking.
I won't pretend that I knew even half of the chess words, but they added a unique touch to the story that I liked a lot. It made it feel as though everything happened for a reason, and Ron's life was destined to come to an unspectacular end. He was a mere pawn, nothing that couldn't be sacrificed.
The Ron/Hermione mentions were touching as well, I especially liked how he knew the exact date she started wearing perfume. Didn't either Harry or Ron get her that perfume for her birthday? I remember her calling it "interesting" in OotP. Or perhaps it was a different book. I don't know.
There's nothing really to suggest for this story; I haven't read too many entries for the staff challenge, but I've read at least two or three, and this was completely different from the others. In a good way. I attempted a piece for the challenge and it fell through, but I remember thinking that I wouldn't want to write the last 24 hours because they'd be boring and predictable. Yours wasn't. It completely captured me.
Good work, I've favorited this. You write Ron exceptionally well. 10/10.
~lllbAuthor's Response: Thanks for the fantastic review!! I am so glad you found this so moving.
I figured I was taking a gamble with the chess words -- I mean, I even had to go look them up; I didn't know them off the top of my head. But I figured it would fit Ron so well. ^_^
Yes...he did get her perfume, for Christmas that year -- I went and looked it up after reading your review. Want to know something ridiculous? I totally forgot about that scene when I was writing this. I thought I was just making it up. How lame am I?? :-P Hopefully that won't throw anyone off when they read this; thanks for bringing that up, though!
I'm so glad I avoided being boring and predictable. You're right, it's difficult to write a fic about just 24 hours, and that's sort of what I was worried about when writing it.
Thanks again for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful review!
Melanie Report Review
god, i loved it. well, yes, i almost did cry all throughout the story, but it was so beautiful. i hate it that ron felt he was so worthless; it breaks my heart so much.
you write beautifully, and this story was one of the best i ever read. congratulations on this amazing work.
10/10, without a doubt.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad you enjoyed this. Report Review
"But mainly, Ronald Weasley is sorry for being such a waste of space."
That last line broke my heart!!! No Ron no!! You're anything but a waste of space!!
From one Ron fan to another, this was just so sad! All his thoughts at the end were probably so true to him, but because he's so brave he tries to cover them all up. All the things that probably plagued him in life came back for him to think about during his death. :(
I love how all your stories are different, ranging from hilariously funny to horrible devasting like this one! And "As of yet untouched" which has to be my favourite. I know I say every one of your stories is my favourite... but that one is something special. :)
All the chess references also gave the story a very Ron-vibe... the one thing he can beat Hermione in! I always loved that, so it was great to see it running through the story. :D
All your stories are stunningly written, and this one is no exception! :D I wonder how many soppy reviews you've had from me so far?! :D
10/10Author's Response: No, he's definitely not a waste of space! *huggles Ron* It really killed me, to make him die while still believing that. But sadly, that's what he believed at this point in his life. Oh, Ron. *sob*
Glad you liked the chess references! They just suit Ron so much, especially since here I envisioned him as the King, just waiting to be captured. The only game Ron has ever lost, probably.
Thanks so much!
Melanie Report Review
Brilliant and moving... I'm absolutely gobsmacked by your use of chess metaphors! I'm normally not so intrigued by present-tense voice, but I was absolutely moved by this!!! Every sentence is lined so delicately with such profound emotion... It's beautiful!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am thrilled that you liked the chess metaphors -- I really structured everything around them, actually. And I'm glad the present tense voice worked for you here. I don't write in present tense very often, but I thought this was one situation that justified it.
Thank you again! Report Review
Here I am for the review you requested! :)
1. 'Ron feels his friendís hands, as real and true as daylight' - Wow. I love this.
2. 'Ronald Weasley is still alive. But with those words, he has already started dying.' - D:, but beautiful.
3. 'the first time Ron Weasley has ever held Hermione Grangerís hand.' - ... and the last. *cries*
4. 'He can still feel their hands, if he tries very hard Ė or perhaps he only imagines it.' - Gah.
Where do I start?
PACING: Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I cannot believe how concise yet emotional this one-shot is. You jam-packed everything into such a little amount of words. It's because each word you chose is so effective. Gosh, I'm absolutely green with envy right now!
FLOW: Beautiful. Especially the scene in which he is losing his senses. That was so chilling. It was like watching a ball of yarn unwind. I knew what was at the center - nothingness - and could see what had once been something so whole wasting away. Wow. I don't even have words right now.
TONE: Gah. Wonderful. It's all so dark and almost detached. Thank you for using third person instead of first. It's like we're watching the death from the outside, but only just. We're attached to Ron, but we aren't in his place. So we can empathize with him, but we aren't entirely inside of his mind. That was really effective. And depressing. He belived himself to be just another pulse, and the detatched tone made me, as a reader, see him in that way. Even though I know he isn't. I know he's not a disgrace, and I wanted to scream at him to tell him he wasn't, but I couldn't because of the distance. Okay, so my rambling led me away from 'tone' a bit. Haha.
IMPACT: I was teary-eyed pretty much the whole way through. I'm a pretty sensitive person, but it takes a truly talented writer to produce tears. And that's exactly what you did. Like I said before, you conveyed A LOT in so little words, which is amazing. Such emotion. I'm in love with this one-shot, really.
10/10. Easy. I'm adding this to my favorites. Thank you so much for writing this, and requesting a review from me. I adore your writing. You really have a gift. Please come back and request again any time!
GinaAuthor's Response: OMG. I don't even know how to respond to this review. THANK YOU!
I always love it when people point out their favorite lines, because I like knowing what makes readers happy -- so thank you for that.
I'm just seriously flattered by your whole review. It was important to me that this be an emotional fic, but I didn't really have confidence in my ability to do it. So wow, I'm really just bowled over by the fact that you thought the pacing, flow, etc. were all done well. It is a huge relief!
I agree, at many points the tone is detached. I think I made it that way because Ron is just so firm in his conviction that he's worthless -- he's really just resigned himself to that belief.
Teary-eyed is what I was going for, even though I hate being sad and making others sad. ^_^ Sometimes a little sadness is a good thing, though!
Thanks so much, Gina! This review has really lifted my spirits.
Melanie Report Review
Stirring. Desperate. Moving. This one-shot really channels the emotion. Skillful story-telling.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm very flattered. ^_^ Report Review
that was so good. wow. definintly in tears. youre amazing.
sorry you had to kill your favorite though..Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! Report Review
That was beautiful though! It was just sad.
You had some beautiful lines in this story (as usual)!
"he finds himself in a heap on the floor Ė as if his legs have suddenly decided to go on holiday."
"Small fingers intertwine with his own; the first time Ron Weasley has ever held Hermione Grangerís hand."
You know, basically every single line was amazing. Nevermind tracking down every single one.
Great job, wonderful, yay!
P.S.: Where are the staff challenges? I feel like I've looked for them everywhere in the forums but I can't find them!
Oh and, what did all the titles (pin, kingslide, en prise) mean? As in, why did you use them, what were their purposes?Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get around to replying! I'm so glad you enjoyed this fic.
On the forums, go to the "Story Challenges" forum and scroll all the way down (past all of the challenge categories) -- you should be able to find the Staff Challenges there. ^_^
I basically used the chess terms to structure the fic -- to sort of frame it, especially since so many of the terms refer to pieces being in danger of capture (like "en prise" and "pin," etc.) Also, I wanted to subtly place Ron in the role of the King, which is why I ended with "Checkmate." Like basically, at this point, Ron is just waiting to be captured, and that's essentially what the King does in chess -- it's not the strongest piece on the board, but it's what the entire game revolves around. Incredibly valuable, though not necessarily the most effective.
Thanks once again for taking the time to read and review!
Melanie Report Review
Checkmate did me in. That was when I cried.
God, this was beautiful. So amazing, so sad. I am so proud of you for doing this-- I don't know if I ever could.
Bravo to you. Bravo to you a hundred times again, and a thousand more after that.Author's Response: Thanks for the incredible review! Although I'm sorry to have made you so sad, I am a bit pleased to know that "Checkmate" had that effect on you -- I was hoping it would have an impact like that. ^_^ Report Review
Simply put, this is one of the best things I've ever read. Something i'm pretty sure that I couldn't possibly do to/with my precious Ginny :)
You write with such ease and understanding and flow and things that I suspect I'd be happy to read your shopping list lol.
Poor Ron ...Author's Response: Thank you so much! It definitely was difficult to write -- but rewarding, in a weird way.
Haha, the second part of your review made me laugh. ^_^ Thank you! Report Review
Heartbreaking story! I loved how you did your challenge for the staff. Very well done. :) I'm working on mine as we are working. Poor Ron! Such a sad story!Author's Response: Thank you for your review! Glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Oh gosh, I can see how this was so depressing to write, because it's very very depressing and sad and heartbreaking. Poor Ron! He's so hard on himself, but it's the way he's been treated, too in a way. He's the sidekick, the one always in the background and it's "gone to his head" in many ways - not only because of Harry, but also with his elder brothers, all of whom seem more talented than him. Ron is really a very normal wizard, and that's his curse. (Yet I do like him very much in the books - he's a more likeable person than Harry in some ways and also more realistic for an adolescent boy).
Now the way you structured this was brilliant - I love the associations with chess, something that Ron is very talented at (which has to say something about his intellect, as chess is a difficult game of logic - surely Hermione would have thought better of him for that :P). That association also places Ron in the role of the king, and he is the centre of the story, the one everyone has come to see, to love, to say goodbye to. And it's sad that these things only happen to him as he is dying and unable to appreciate how much people really love him.
It was a fantastic moment to choose for this challenge and you've written it with great emotion, making it a moving read. I want to cry too now and huggle Ron. Your writing skills never cease to amaze me. ^_^Author's Response: Thanks for your review, Susan! It's really wonderful to hear your thoughts on this fic, and I'm really glad you liked it so much.
I agree with what you said about Ron being very normal -- he's as ordinary as ordinary gets, in some ways, but for that reason I also find him immensely likable. It always broke my heart that his biggest fear was that he'd never be good enough for anything or anyone -- he thought he would always fall short somehow. I lot of people dislike him for those insecurities, but I find it endearing and humanizing.
I am so glad to hear that you liked the chess references! I wasn't entirely sure whether I should leave it as is, or whether I should extend the chess allusion and weave it more throughout the fic; but it seems like it works as it stands now, because you were able to see that it places Ron in the role of the King, which is exactly what I was going for. The King is what the entire game revolves around, even though the King isn't the strongest piece on the board.
Thanks again for the amazing review! I was so happy to read your comments. ^_^
Melanie Report Review
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