I don't even know where to begin on this one. The characterizations were so spot on. Your James, instead of being the pompous git, showed such depth and humanity. We see the side of him that we remember from the books, but you develop it so much further. You take several one-sided characters and give them flesh and bone. I could feel the claustrophobia of being kept in that little house, no matter how much safety it provided. You gave such a sense of what a young father feels, and then heaped the terror of being targeted in a war upon it until my hair stood on end imagining the desperation he felt. I have two favorite parts of this piece.
1. The interaction between James and Frank at the meeting with Dumbledore. When their eyes met, the way you described their emotions was just breath taking. They didn't want it to be their friend's child, but they really didn't want it to be their own. Tragic. Poignant. Lovely.
2. Your portrayal of Peter. His defeat, and the grief it caused him, was written so well. You gave such insight to the relationship he had with the Marauders, and the sharp contrast with Sirius and James's brotherhood was striking. I almost felt bad for him as he left Harry that day.
This was simply wonderful. What a talent you have.
~GWAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing this! (Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews, actually!)
I'm really glad you liked the characterization. One of my main goals with this was to humanize James, and show the better parts of his character while still hanging onto the humorous aspect that everyone usually loves/hates about him.
I appreciate you pointing out those two scenes, and I'm really glad you thought they added something meaningful to this piece. They definitely held a lot of meaning for me. Particularly Peter -- I'm not a fan of Peter at all, but I'm sure he would have felt remorse and conflict, even at the time he was engaged in his traitorous behavior. It's just very sad to me, how the Potters never knew what was going on when they literally placed their lives in his hands. But I also wanted to explore the way the other Marauders interacted with him, and I'm optimistic enough to think (or hope) that James might have eventually realized he didn't treat Peter very well in their years at Hogwarts. I think the experience of the war would have forced James to grow up very quickly.
Thank you again for the review!!
Melanie Report Review
This is the best portrayal of James I've ever seen. I love how he feels frustrated, sad, and ashamed at the end- not the eternally happy James I usually find. You still made him brave, but he had other emotions that made him more human. My favorite lines:
"I reacted as I always had, running in the direction of the danger to face my adversary. But this time was different than every other: my mind was clouded with panic, my chest constricted with a kind of fear I had never known until then."Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad James came across as more human and relatable -- that was exactly what I was going for! Report Review
So sweet, so sad. So lovely. Oh, how beautiful.
Amazing, a thousand times over again.
Bravo to you, bravo a hundred times more.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Eep! Melanie! I finally got around to this. YAY!
And oh my gosh! It was spectacular. Absolutely enthralling and amazing and gripping. I loved every second of it. Oh my gosh this story is amazing, and poor James! Oh gosh I feel miserable for him, but he's such a sweetie!
I honesly have no CC for this. I haven't read such an amazing James/Lily story in a LONGtime! :D
10/10Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Drue! Don't worry, considering how busy you are I was surprised you were able to do it so quickly. ^_^
I'm so glad you liked it! That means a lot coming from you, it really does! I was really hoping this fic would be compelling, and it sounds like it was for you, so that's a huge relief for me.
I appreciate you taking the time to do this. Thank you again!
Melanie Report Review
Wow. Seriously, that was amazing! Your writing was just beautiful - description, dialogue, everything - and I loved the whole only-a-child theme, because how young they all were is something that's often rather overlooked in fanfiction.
I also completely adored your characteristions. James in particular was absolutely spot on - you definitely did him justice. Probably the best portrayal of him I think I've ever seen, actually :D I loved him.
Something else I really loved is the way you structured it, with the numbered sections not in chronological order. It's something I've seen done only a couple of times before and I have to confess that I never really saw the point of it, but I think that you may actually have converted me with this! I thought it worked brilliantly.
Anyway, I REALLY enjoyed it :) My new favourite one-shot! 10/10.Author's Response: Thank you, Lizzie!
I agree, their age is very often overlooked. I don't think people really think about what it means to deal with this stuff when you're about 20 years old. I think it makes the whole situation about a hundred times scarier.
I'm so glad you liked James' characterization! He's fun to write, though I think there are complexities to his character that people often overlook.
This is the first time I've ever written something out of chron. order, so I'm glad it worked here!
Thanks again for the great review! ^_^
Melanie Report Review
Argh, I'm supposed to be writing an essay but who needs essays when you've got this to read! Honestly, my heart ached at the end. I ached for James. I ached for Lily. I ached for Harry. I just ached. It was like, you built up all of this from the beginning, building up this tower of blocks until the very end when they all just come falling down.
I think you captured the fear, the unknown - extremely well. James was well-written. I think my favorite part was also the saddest part - when he actually picks Peter because he Peter is family and he trusts him...it just makes the betrayal hurt that much more.
The rationality of the entire situation is mind-boggling. You've captured it all..so well...everything. The dialogue, the thought process - everything is perfect. Everything you write is so addicting that I can't ever stop reading. Wonderful, wonderful job. It's an exceptional one-shot ♥Author's Response: Thanks for the fantastic review! I'm happy to hear you were so moved by this!
The scene with Peter is one of my favorites, too. I was very sad while writing it.
Thanks once again! Report Review
I'm crying right now! this is so deep and very sad! I could totally imagine the feeling that James must have had for Harry and Lily and Its just so sad to imagine that got shattered. JAMES AND LILY SHOULD HAVE STAYED ALIVE! OMG THIS IS SO SAD!Author's Response: Yes, I know, it's very sad -- their story is a sad one, but a lot of times they're just written in a happy way, and I wanted to try something different. I'm very glad you liked it, though! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This was stunning! Just every single aspect was amazing. There were funny bits, usually involving James and Sirius (love them) and really sweet cute bits and also really scary horrible bits. Your ending really got to me, because as I was reading this, I forgot that James and Lily end up dead! It honestly came as a shock!!
I was making a mental list of all my favourite parts but the list is now quite extensive, so I'll try to make it concise. So, number one *clears throat*
1) I loved how James and Frank looked at each other and thought not that they wanted the other's child to be chosen, but that they didn't want their own. I think this was a really well written point about their selfless personalities, and how much they care for their family.
2) When Sirius said, "‚Oi, get off me, you git! You‚re a lot heavier than you look." That Siriusly (haha) made me laugh. Even though Sirius was being rude to James, it was just so clear about how close they were. Which I loved, just such a happy moment!
3) When James kissed Lily at the end, like he knew something was going to happen. It was just such a sad moment, like he was acknowledging that something was going to happen. But it was also a really powerful moment in that they were still happy together, even though evil Voldemort was making a mess of their lives.
4) The part at the end was just so desperate that I had to love it, even though it was awfully tragic! James's desperation to protect his family just really reminded me of Harry. The way you wrote it also made it sound as though he just forgot everything apart from his wife and son, just his shock and panic as he realises he can't do anything.
I could make this list longer, but I hope you get the general idea: I really loved this story.
It was so sad but also had enough happiness in it to prevent me from sinking too far into depression. :D The little character relationships between James, Sirius, Lily and Harry just made this story step up and show that there is light in the darkest of times! Very JK Rowling. :D
The way you write characters is one of the best I've come across. Each character stands out and remains perfectly consistent and also true to form. And then you add your own little touch to each one that I just adoreee!!
Ok, so I've probably written the most terrible cheesy review ever, but I had to say all this! I just loved this story, loads. :D
Keep writing forever! PLEASE!!!
11/10Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I have been super busy and wanted to make sure I wrote a good response. ^_^
I think it's nearly impossible for me to leave humor out of any story, even angst -- and while I wanted to express the gravity of the situation, I know there were moments of levity too, especially between James and Sirius. I love writing those parts. Their friendship makes me so happy.
I didn't know whether that part with James and Lily at the end was weird, so I'm glad you liked it. ^_^ Just something I thought was sweet, even if it was a bit contrived.
I always try to keep my characters believable and realistic, so thank you for that compliment! I love bringing them to life.
Thank you so much for this review -- it means a lot to me! Report Review
oh, poor James.
I cried in the end, it was so good, but really sad, although I assume it was supposed to be.
Its so sad how he always said "harry's not going to grow up in a world like that", because you know harry's life will be the essence of it.
~"Of one thing, however, I was certain: the world had never seen anything like my boy. Harry Potter was going to be someone special."
*My reaction:"you have no clue james potter, you have no clue"
This story is a great combination of happy and sad, laugh and cry, funny and serious.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Yes, it was definitely meant to be sad -- I wanted to try the more serious side of things with Lily and James. I'm really glad you picked up on those ironic parts -- they were very important to me. Thank you again! Report Review
Hi it's elisalinguine_x from the forums.
First of all, I loved it! It was beautiful, especially the way you constructed it. It wasn't in sequence as in all the different parts of the story were messed up but it still made complete sense to me. It can be very hard sometimes to write a story the way you did but you excelled at it so well done!
Also I loved how it was from James' POV. You never see many stories from his POV it's always Lily. I liked his way of thinking especialy when he was comparing his age to what he had to go through. Like the fact that he's just a child at heart going through the drama of a full-grown adult.
I didn't fina any mistakes so well done on that too. One thing I can criticize is that in some places it seems to drag on a bit and I found myself nearly skimming through certain paragraphs. Try to concise what you want to say in two-three paragraphs instead of loads, it just makes the flow better and the reader doesn't get bored.
Other than that I really loved it!
Elisa xAuthor's Response: Thanks for the quick review! I'm glad the structuring worked out well. And I agree, not many fics are written from James' POV, and when they are, they're usually light fics. I wanted to show the more serious, mature side of his personality.
I will take a look at it and see if I can find the places where it drags -- thanks for bringing that up!
I appreciate your review!
Melanie Report Review
wow. This is a very moving story!Author's Response: Thank you! Glad to hear you were moved by it. Report Review
OKAY. Just so you know, This is one of the best stories I've ever read! You did an amazing job on this one! PLEASE I BEG YOU! Keep up the awesome work! *CLAPS AND TONS AND TONS AND MORE TONS OF COOKIES*- CharlyAuthor's Response: Hi Charly! Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I'm happy to hear you enjoyed this fic so much!
Melanie Report Review
Okay, so I absolutely loved this story, I really did!! But just because J.K.R. already wrote the ending (not that you didn't follow it, you did!) I wish that the V was them after death, you know? Like a bitter sweet ending instead of just a really really sad one? Because before that, it was kind of half happy half sad; bittersweet! But then I was close to tears and the end and I didn't want it to end like that.
It really was a brilliant story tho. But it would've been nice if you skipped the death scene and went to an after-life scene.
Okay, so I hope you didn't take that wrong!! I really did love it!!! Thanks!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I get what you're saying about the sad death scene at the end, though I ended it that way for two reasons: 1) it fit with my vision for this piece, and the theme, and how James was feeling; and 2) I tend to write happy stuff, and I wanted to branch out a bit and do something sad, LOL.
Anyway, I appreciate your review, and I'm glad you enjoyed this story, even with the depressing ending. Thanks for all of the reviews you left me today -- they were fantastic!
Cheers! Report Review
Hey, Wildheart here at your request!
Such a brilliant way of looking at the Potters. It's so easy to think of them as older than their 21 years, but this fic pulls it around to the reality; they're still young, still vulnerable, hardly any more than children.
I like the order you wrote it in, starting with three sections of James and Lily dealing with the news, then showing Harry's birth, and then James's and Lily's deaths. It hit me more deeply than going in chronological order, and I'm very glad you wrote it the way you did. :]
I felt a lump in my throat at this line: Harry Potter was going to be someone special. James has no idea what that really means... It was a great addition to the story.
Not much to criticize, really. I don't like to think that James and Sirius thought so little of Peter, but the brief mention of him through James's eyes was convincing enough on your part that I didn't mind it.
Because of its blunt truth and the way they must have been feeling, this is one of my favorite lines:
It wasnít that Frank wanted it to be Harry, or that I wanted it to be Neville.
It was just that Frank didnít want it to be Neville. And I didnít want it to be Harry.
Your writing is (as always) exceptional, and I feel glad to have read this. I've read a few other fics about this period in the Potters' lives, but never have I encountered on with such perfect emotion and believability. This was definitely a portrayal of James that I can appreciate.
Overall, an incredible story, and it shall forever hold a spot on my Favorites list.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!
What you pointed out -- that it's easy to think of them as older -- is EXACTLY why I wrote this! You hit the nail on the head, and I'm so glad you said that, because it makes me feel like I actually accomplished something by writing this. I don't think people really think about how young the Potters were, and the fact that they were dealing with things way beyond their years. To me, their age makes their story even more tragic (although it is definitely a tragic one to begin with, regardless).
This is the first time I've written something out of chronological order, and I'm really glad it worked out well. I really loved juxtaposing Harry's birth with his parents' deaths.
And THANK YOU for pointing out that line ("Harry Potter was going to be someone special"). I was hoping people would spot the irony there. I really believe that's what James would have thought of his kid, although, as you pointed out, he had no idea what that really meant.
I totally get your comment re: James, Sirius, and Peter. I know a lot of people don't like to see Peter portrayed as the inept one, but I basically interpret what I can based on canon (mainly, the things that Sirius and Remus tell Harry about what the Marauders were like). Anyway, I've always thought of the Marauders' treatment of Peter as pretty unfair, and I wanted James to acknowledge that, and own up to his behavior as I saw it. But I appreciate your honesty in telling me how you see it!
Thanks also for pointing out those lines -- they are a couple of my favorites, as well.
Thank you so much for the amazing review! I'm seriously flattered, and happy to know I was able to achieve the emotional impact I was going for!
Melanie Report Review
Hey, Malia here for your review from TGS.
First off, I really loved this piece. The length was perfect, it flowed wonderfully, and the emotion was just amazing. It played like a movie in my mind, perfectly canon, at that.
I loved seeing it all through James' eyes. You captured him wonderfully, and anyone who reads this will see that ^_^
In II, I loved his thoughts. He and Lily were truly to young to have had this happen to them, to be apart of that war. And you just let the reader see that James wasn't as stupid and playful and ignorant; he knew what was going on, and he understood it all.
Overall, the characterizations were just mind-blowing. The flow was impeccably wonderful, the sequence of events really helped this one-shot as a whole. The emotions were amazing. In the end, I felt shivers running down my back. You seem to have captured that well.
I seriously can not find a thing to crit. I adore this piece; it seems so real and just amazing.
Thanks for requesting ^_^ Wonderful job on this (:Author's Response: Hi Malia! Thanks for your review!
I'm really flattered by all of your comments, and I'm so glad this fic has had the impact I hoped it would. I was going for strong emotions, and I'm glad those came through. I also appreciate your comments on the characterization, as I concentrated a lot on those -- I really wanted to show James in a respectful light, while also acknowledging the funny things that make him endearing and charismatic.
Thanks again for the wonderful review!
Melanie Report Review
Wow. I am in awe. I've read and re-read this three times, and every time I notice something I love even more then the last time I read it. It's so perfect, rivaling something JKR herself would've written and been proud of.
You are extremely talented, I love every single part of this. I'm most certainly favorite-ing this, and I'd give it a 20/10, if that were possible.
*is in utter awe and about to read it (again)*
-civilizedAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the fabulous review! I'm glad you enjoyed this, though you flatter me too much with the comment about JKR. XD
Thanks again! Report Review
Words cannot adequately describe how I feel right now. This is just...it's just...wow. Um. I wish I could form a coherent sentence, but I can't. I'm at a loss for words, really. But if I had to describe this piece in one word, it would be: beautiful.
This is absolutely, without a doubt, one of the most amazing one-shots I have ever read. It feels like I've just got through the ringer - like I've just read an entire story, yet you somehow managed to condense it into a little under 5000 words. If that isn't skill then I honestly don't know what is.
Let's see. What was my favourite part? Hm, I think that might have been JAMES! Dear Lord, Melanie, you write him exactly how I imagined him! Even I can't write James Potter that well and I claim to be his biggest fan! Honestly, it was perfect. Simply divine. He was confident, but not arrogant. He was funny, but not obnoxious. His love for Lily was sweet, but not sickeningly so. And his devotion towards his family was realistic and incredibly heartfelt. I believed every word that he said. Or narrated, rather. You wrote it so convincingly, I might as well have been reading a memoir or watching a movie or something like that.
It's just...wow. And I love the way you structured the piece. I like how it doesn't happen in chronological order. There is something so - well, poetic about it, I guess. I've read a few other one-shots written in a similar fashion, but they all pale in comparison to this. Perhaps I'm just being biased because A) it's you and B) it's James, but I don't think I am. Besides, would I lie to you?
To put it simply, this was positively divine. Stunning. Superb. Gorgeous. Take your pick of the lot because they all fit it to a tee. Fantastic job, Melanie!
P.S. I love James more than you. :PAuthor's Response: Molly! *glomp* Thank you so much for this awesome review! It means a lot to me, coming from someone who loves James as much as you do.
James is quite fun to write (even in a sad fic like this, I managed to sneak in some humor and cheekiness). And I wanted to give him a little more gravity than he's often given in fanfiction, because really this was a trying time for him. I really do admire and respect his character a lot, and I hope that showed through my writing.
This is the first time I've ever written anything out of chronological order, so I'm glad it worked out well!
No, I do not believe you would lie to me, but I believe you babble nonsense, because you flatter me way too much! ^_^
Thank you again! Your review made me so happy!
PS: I concede. Besides, I have Ron. XD Report Review
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