OOH!!! Poor, poor, poor Allie!! Horrible Voldemort!! Though I bet she will pretty mad at Harry as well, as he's the reason she got beaten the worst!! I'm so glad she and George like each other, they deserve to be together!! Thank you for updating so quickly!!! :) Please update really, really, really, really, really, really, really soon!! 10/10!!! :)Author's Response: Wow. That is about the nicest review anyone has ever given me! :O) Thank you sooo much! I love the George/OC pairing so much... hardly anyone does it! Anywho, more updates coming asap! Please keep reading and reviewing! Thanks again! -Lily Report Review
ooo im guessing its fred? I HOPE ITS FRED I LOVE FRED
oo i can totally imagine her...but is she blonde or brunette?
i picture her to have fleur hair but with sharper featuresAuthor's Response: Welll. you're the closest! If you read the next chapters, you'll find out what I mean! Lol... btw, Allie has really dark hair... like blackish. You can imagine her anyway you want, but that's how I picture her! :O) Thanks for reviewing... please keep reading!
- Lily Report Review
Roar.. now I just have to wait patiently wait for the next chapter. I liked it, haven't seen a similar story before. ^_^
~ImpAuthor's Response: He he he! Glad you liked it! I have to re-write the next chapter because it was rejected. Too violent or something. Grr. >_< I'll be workin on that tonight! Well, anywho. Keep readin and reviewin! :O)
-Lily Report Review
Hi there, it's Blissbug from the forums for your review :)
So, I like the first person voice you use in the very beginning while introducing us t othe character of Aldora. Its very personal and manages to capture the readers interest imediately.
Then you transition to a third person point of view and that's a bit confusing because the transition isn't clear or well indicated at all. I would recommend a line break between the two portions, or just sticking with one POV -- either first or third.
You tend to use the three dots thing (blast, I cant remember what it's called) a lot in your writing and mostly it's used incorrectly. This form of punctuation most often is used at the end of a sentence when you want what is being said to trail off or have no end. If you use it at the beginning of a sentence it's to indicate a pause before speaking or action, but until you've got the real hang of using it at the end of a sentence, I wouldn't recommend using it at the beginning.
I do like the many sensory details you have and the various action scenes. While I feel that your writing is young there is definitely a sense of excitement to it that makes it all the more interest.
Overall not bad ;) 6/10
BBAuthor's Response: Hi Blissbug! Well. First off, thanks for reviewing! Tons of great advice! About the POV thing, I'm going to fix it asap, a lto of people have commented on it. I didn't realize it would cause as much confusion as it did. And the three dots thingy (can't remember the name either!), I'm working on that! My english teacher hated when I'd do that! Anywho, thanks again for the advice! :O) Report Review
So I've made it my mission to review every story I read, and your the first so far!
I love where this story is going, I can really see Aldora doing her utmost to go against her father. && the twins would be amazing in helping her achieve that.
So updateupdateupdate.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Don't worry... I have a chapter in the queue right now and chapters 4 and 5 are in the making!!! Please keep reading... thanks again! :O) Report Review
Hmm. Confusing at first. You switched from first person point of view to third person which wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't led me to believe that the entire story was going to be from Aldora's POV.
The description about Malfoy Manor was good, but once you arrived at the battle, things seemed to become rushed. I do, however, like the italicised and bolded conflicting thoughts she has, and the use of the word reverie in reference with them.
There seems to be a flaw in the plot though... It doesn't make much sense that the Aurors & co. would bust into Malfoy manor only to leave upon seeing Lord Voldemort (unless, I'm mistaken, and it was only Aldora and the red-haired man who apparated away.)
I'm guessing the red-haired man is a Weasley. And if he's a "few" years older it could be all but Ron. My guess, actually, is Charlie. I don't know why. Just a feeling?
-AxjionAuthor's Response: Yah... I've been told about the POV thing a lot. I'll see if I can fix that! Anywho. Thanks for the great advice! I'll definitely put all that in mind for future chapters! Thanks again! :O) Report Review
I liked this. It was interesting. Good introduction. I think the red head dude is either Ron or Charlie.Author's Response: Glad you liked it! PLEASE keep reading! Thanks! :O) Report Review
An interesting start to the story. A little more description of Aldora's current state would be nice. Just a thought. The cliffhanger as to the redhead was good. I am guessing it is either Ron or Fred.
Nicely writtenAuthor's Response: Thanks! I was going to get to Aldora's state, but it wouldn't fit in the way I wanted it too. SO. yeah. there's going to be more descriptions later on! Thanks for reading! :O) Report Review
I think you should have a flashback in the next chapter. Decent... defiantly should be updated soon. I don't have a CLUE who the red head is. I'm going to guess he has/had something to do with the death eaters, or he's a weasly... after all he does have red hair...Author's Response: Thank you! I'm almost done with the second chapter... glad you like it! :O) Report Review
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