How old are you? You have the grammar of a ten year old? You've forgotten "I" about a million times. You might want to get a beta...
4/10Author's Response: Yeah, that's actually deliberate. Sorry you didn't like it but hey, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
yes, i did join TGS, but i don't believe i'll go the whole author ranks route because 1) i've got one story and it's not very good, and 2) i joined more for the umm. stalking.
ANYWAY. i didn't think this was as funny as the others, but that didn't make it less wonderful. i love the idea of a tall afro-girl. reminds me of beyonce in that austin powers movie. it was pretty impulsive of louis to go jinxing youth like that, but if it was for his woman, it's almost admirable in a way!
ahh, what is dom up to?! must know soon. lovely chapter, again! :)Author's Response: Haha fair enough! The stalking is pretty much the best part of it though. Hope you get involved though, it's lots of fun!
Pretty much completely agree. Think it's mainly that I just haven't written it for so long! Lost a bit of the magic touch or whatever. Hahaha she does sound a bit like that hey? What do we think about impulsive Louis? I think important step towards becoming more assertive and similar :P
Being an idiot pretty much! Haha you'll find out soon enough, thank you so much for all your reviews. Hope my responses have been okay! Report Review
WHAT, ANOTHER GIRL. because there wasn't enough estrogen in this story already (and i'm counting louis).
aww, i loved how messed up louis was over sam leaving, even a week later. i thought the actual leaving scene was a little rushed and difficult to follow, but i guess airports can be pretty chaotic, especially with the portkey deadlines and whatnot.
this was golden: "Firstly picking Annah up as gesture of friendship (lust) and solidarity (worship) and secondly sending Sam off as gesture of friendship and solidarity." i don't really like annah, but that's probably because she's perfect, and i don't like perfect people because i'm not, hmph.
still enjoying this!Author's Response: Wasn't NEARLY enough! Besides, can never have too many pretty girls.
Poor Louis :( He leads a hard life, far too much emotional upheaval. Yeah I did want it to be chaotic, but not to the point where it was actually difficult to follow. Might have to do a bit of an edit on it then.
Probably the best bit of writing in the chapter, made me laugh writing it actually :P
No you must like Annah! She's lovely!
Yay! Oh, did I see you on TGS by the way? Thought I did, maybe am just going crazy. Thanks so much! Report Review
first of all, props for using a cyndi lauper song as the title.
the convo between sam and louis was just the cutest, and seemed very realistic. he's so needy! i always like the needy ones.. in fanfic anyway, not so much in real life.
i really like victoire, too. she seems motherly, but in a 'stop being a screw-up' kind of way. very fitting for the oldest sister.
"Threw head into hands dramatically, let out a yell that was both half-hearted and muffled by hideous Weasley jumper. Ended up more pitiful moan than roar of anguish. " haha, the weasley jumper! just can't escape those things. i loved this line.
and i can't believe he just transfigured money like that! stupid wizards.
excellent, if short chapter. :)Author's Response: Cyndi Lauper is really fair awesome.
Oh pathetically needy! He seriously needs to harden up a bit. I have the same thing actually, the girls I like in fanfic are completely different to the ones I like in real life.
Victoire is funn. I like how she pretty much just lays down the law and they all listen.
LOVE the Weasley jumpers. They just seem to pop up everywhere, my turn to make a joke about them :P
More like super mega sneaky wizards, give him some credit no?
Thanks again! Report Review
Who’s awesome? Me. Totally awesome.
I love you.
xxAuthor's Response: NAWW
Well you're just the cutest ever.
Pretty much love you too.
xx Report Review
Aw, Afro Girl was awesome, but Louis STILL should've made a move on Annah!
Great chapter, by the by. And oh dear oh dear. what's Dominique gone and done now...Author's Response: Oh come on, can you honestly imagine Louis making a move on anyone, let alone Annah?
Oh why thankee, I was honestly quite worried about it. And you know I couldn't say, would spoil all the fun.
Thanks for reviewing! Really wish you were on the forums or similar so I could hassle you about writing Audacity! Thanks again! Report Review
uhoh. i'm interested now. haha.Author's Response: Just now? Rude :P Haha thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it! Report Review
oh, this wasn't boring at all! i knew i was going to enjoy it right after i read "Moral qualms (couple, though should be more,) weight 11.07 stone (looks large on paper, though rather svelte in practise)"
i loved seeing louis at work, very different than his normal speaking and internal dialogue-ing. and i was beginning to wonder what he actually he did for a living, so that was good.
i LOVED the sirius bit! even if it was all of two lines, it was perfect, and i got his character completely right there. he would be winking. so clever.
and at the beginning, oh god. they have pictures. "Think...bendy." hahaha i can't wait to see where this goes.
aw, just when i begin to like sam, she has to up and go to melbourne. i hope she sticks around for a little while.
wonderful, once again.Author's Response: You do terrible, terrible things to my ego you know? Although I have to say that really is a great start to a chapter :P
I think I had to show it sooner or later, been putting it off for ages. I think it works quite well in showing how Louis comes across to most people. As opposed to what he thinks of himself, or what Dom does or similar.
Haha you think? I sort of think it's just a little throwaway bit of fanon :P Although teenage Sirius probably would have been haha.
I'm honestly not entirely sure! They'll definitely make an appearance at some point though.
Ahhh she does stick around for a couple of chapters. She'll probably pop up once or twice later in the story but that's about it for her.
Thank you SO much! You must almost be bored of hearing that by now, but seriously. Report Review
no, actually, everythings still REALLY confusing. i think its the way you write.. very confusing.Author's Response: Sorry? I'd try and clear it up, save I'm not really sure what you're finding confusing. Report Review
what does louis do now?
and what is the opposition party?Author's Response: He's working for the Ministry.
Part of the Westminster system of democratic governance that I decided the wizarding world would have adapted given the problems shown up by the whole Voldemort deal. Report Review
oh this is going to be so exciting! i'm still a little lost on the details, but that's my own fault. i'm loving all this inside political dealings and whatnot. a coup! there really aren't enough coups nowadays.
even though you didn't feel this was as funny, i still think louis' narration was pretty hilarious. and him checking out his cousin.. well with so many beautiful female cousins, i can cut him some slack.
i'm starting to get sam and annah confused, which is silly because one is best friend and other is object of affection. mabe because i haven't seen enough of sam..
anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and will continue on. :)Author's Response: GOING TO BE? Like it wasn't already? You wound me! :P In fairness, it probably isn't your fault. Me and details have a flighty relationship at the best of times.
It wasn't really his fault, couldn't properly see after all. Silly boy!
Sam is definitely underwitten in these early chapters, not really sure why actually. Just couldn't really slot her into things.
Glad you liked it, and thanks for another great review! Report Review
"Who’s awesome? Me. Totally awesome."
So that totally awesome made me laugh. Have you watched AVPM/ AVPS, by any chance? They're quite good. Like. Brilliant.
This story's written in such a disjointed, halting style. I quite like it. Refreshing. You're making me talk like that. Type. Whatever.
And fun ^^Author's Response: If by quite good you mean the BEST THING EVER! Don't even get me started, especially about Lauren Lopez :P
Totally is contagious isn't it? WAY too much fun. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoyed it! Report Review
^^Review box won't let me add the necessary number of gs to spell it right, but that was a great way to start a chapter. Effectively made me giggle out loud. xD Oooh, more Annah-Louis moments! Love how he got all jealous when she was dancing with unreasonably tall and unreasonably good looking youth. And how he just told Charlie straight away that it's not going to work because of Annah -- that was so cute.
I always love Dom and Louis scenes. They're hilaro together even when at work, and she seems to bring out the more sensible side of Louis, which is rather endearing to read. Dom still scares me, but she's ♥.
Admittedly not as many LOL moments as previous chapters, but nevertheless still funny and now you've got me wondering WHAT IN THE WORLD DOM IS UP TO. /pressure to update as soon as queue reopens
Lovely chapter, Jack. ♥Author's Response: Really, it won't? Silly thing, that's what makes it funny! I lovee writing Annah-Louis, they're so cute. A lot of the stuff between them is actually her just testing him out to see how he reacts, at least, that's what's happening in my head :P
I think Dom would either work on people in two ways. Either she'd amp them WAY up as we'll see with Lily in coming chapters, or just scare them and make them far more sensible/rational like Louis :P
I shall try to! I've entirely given up on making promises though. Thank you so much for reviewing, I really do love them all! Report Review
I think I'm going to keep this short...I think. Don't have a great deal to say as this was a bit filler more than other chapters.
In response to A/N:
1. Yes, yes, you are.
2. Start = very marginally less funny than normal, but my giggling still drew the attention of my mother. Second half = bit lacklustre but intentionally so? Possibly? It balanced nicely though.
Fave lines first:
- "Hng" - I think making someone laugh with the first word shows a certain level of skill, no?
- Good bloody thing you're pretty - :wub:
- She turned her head, as didn't have awesome swivel chair like self.
Second...I'm not sure. Oh, possibly ought to clear up that Charlie isn't Afro Girl. At least, I don't think she was and if she was, then clear it up that way. I mean, I didn't think it was because, well, I knew who it was but then you might have had a change of heart on her introduction so, yeah, clarification would be lovely.
Anyway, loved the start, especially overprotective jealous Louis who is just so absolutely squishable. Annah is growing fantastically. Dom seemed a bit reserved and a bit more normal than usual which was rather scary, and cliffhanger? Nice.
Sooo...lovely update ^_^ Yeah, maybe lacking normal pizazz but still fabulous.
Look how short this is! Record? I think so.
xxAuthor's Response: Short for your standards anyway, let's be sensible here. Was definitely a bit more filler, partly to get me back into things, and partly because the story needed it I thought.
Mm was meant to bring things down a little bit, wasn't entirely going for lacklustre though :P
They are GOOD favourite lines! Especially the first one. Did it really make you laugh straight off? -claps for self-
Umm nope, Charlie is Afro Girl. Guess I actually will have to do some clarification work. It was going to be a certain someone, but then I've decided to bring her into the story later - bit too much going on relationship-wise at the moment.
Glad Annah is starting to grow, I like her and Louis together, they're just lots of fun. Kind of figure Dom couldn't be completely crazy all the time? I mean, there's got to be a down from all that up.
Thank you so much, glad it came off alright. Hopefully I'll be able to pick things up next chapter! Thanks again lovely! Report Review
haha, tom tom! how clever. also makes me think of the gps machine thing.
i love dirigible being an illegal plant substance. or i'm assuming it's illegal? either way, explains a lot about the lovegood's...
i don't know how i feel about annah, she seems kinda too perfect. but i get that this is from louis' point of view, so that would make sense.
i do like your harry, though. he still seems so laid-back despite the whole war situation, but then gets right into Leader mode when necessary. what a cool guy.
"New Year's Aspirational Targets." hahaha, that is great. i think that's what all resolutions turn into after about a week.
yet another enjoyable chapter!Author's Response: Aww thanks! Haha I didn't even think about that, just amused me so I whacked it in.
Ohhh pretty illegal I'd say, definitely frowned upon at the very least. Totally would wouldn't it? There was DEFINITELY something going on there.
Completely stole my excuse from me you stealer! Her character definitely does develop in later chapters though.
Yeah I always thought he'd be really pretty laid back with his kids and other relatives, but then still really super intense when he needed to be. There's no way he could ever completely get over the war stuff.
A week? Are you crazy? I'm happy if I get them to last a day!
Glad you liked it, again, thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
wow, that was a very unexpected (and very cool) ending to a story i already know i'll like. love the journal format, especially when journal-writer is male. it kinda feels JD-from-Scrubs-ish to me, which is always a good thing since i love Scrubs. i like that louis wants to think he's the bees knees but really knows that he isn't due to all the amazing famous people in his fam. makes him so lovable.
"Was soon regaling us with tale of Boxing Day Quidditch Match against Australia, which we lost, because we're England and that's what we do." haha! oh, england.
anyway, i'll keep reading now!Author's Response: Oh well a bit of unexpected is fun! The whole journal/diary bit is way too much fun to write. Makes the character voice very...direct? I've watched like three episodes of Scrubs ever, so can honestly say any comparable awesomeness is down to me :P
Haha poor Louis, imagine trying to live in that family? Couldn't be easy at all, especially with those sisters!
Poor England! Haha that was just me being Australian and spiteful :P Glad you liked the first chapter, hope you like the rest!
Thanks for reviewing, much appreciated! Report Review
same as any given sunday, your grammar is driving me nuts, but the story is good and intriguing so i might even continue reading.Author's Response: Well I'm glad you're able to get passed it! Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Another good chapter, Jack. This one seemed a bit shorter, but that just might be me.
I thought it was nice to see the development there between Louis and Sam, and it was a different perspective on those types of situations than I've seen before.
MirandaAuthor's Response: Ahhh from memory I think it is a bit shorter actually. Couldn't entirely say for sure though.
I had really rather been neglecting them, and seeing as she's being shipped off, seemed unfair to not explain why she meant so much to Louis. I'm absolute terrible at angsting, so I don't think it's my best bit of writing - but I hope it still came across okay.
Thank you so much for reviewing, I really do appreciate it! Report Review
I didn't think it was boring at all. I rather enjoyed Louis at work, because I was kind of wondering what he did. The whole part about Sirius on the wall, made me laugh hysterically. I'm pretty sure I scared my nephew. Also, I thought the whole press conference was very well written, and I was able to imagine the whole thing clearly.
Oh noes! Sam is going to Australia!
Also, the stone weight thing threw me..a lot. i had to wikipedia it and convert it, and grab a calculator and ask. eesh. kilos and pounds i can handle, stone ive never heard of. :P Luckily, now I know how much Louis weighs.
oh, and the part about the note from Harry, enjoyed that too.Author's Response: Really? Well maybe I was completely wrong about that then -hides-
It was about time to bring his work into things I thought. Had to happen sooner or later, so I kind of just did it. The Sirius bit was probably a bit silly, but just lots of fun :P The press conference bit was a LOT of fun to write! If only because of the complete disconnect because of Louis' actual abilities and his opinion of himself.
She is! Very dramatic!
Threw me as well actually. There's no way I would have used it, save most of the British (and English) I know, do. Haha basically, not much. Especially when you consider he's really quite tall. Not super tall, but a good 6 foot or so.
I enjoyed that as well, the whole Harry-Dom dynamic is way too much fun.
Thanks again! Report Review
I think you're brilliant. I can honestly say I've never read a FF about a government coup that is quite this detailed and, dare I even say, realistic. It's not about nasty evils destroying the world or anything quite like that, but an exceptionally interesting look at how politics are done. Very intriguing, and I'm excited.
Do you study political science or something? I've never thought to ask, but I'm beginning to wonder.
Anyway, I also love your characterizations, from Louis (esp. Louis) all the way down to Molly. I'm laughing out loud as I read, so I'm extremely excited to see more of this.
MirandaAuthor's Response: MIRANDA!
No you! I can't imagine there's actually too many of them around, but still, always nice to hear! This is pretty much exactly how I imagined things panning out in the post-Voldy era. I think they would have had a serious look at how they arrange their political system. Then with Kingsley, Harry, Hermione and the rest of them coming to the fore - there would have been quite a societal change as well. Eventually it would have started slipping back a bit, which is sort of where this comes in.
I study international relations actually, so close! I've taken a fair few political science classes though, so I know a bit anyway.
Oh good! I actually think I write characters much better than I do plot or similar, so it's good to know they're coming across alright.
Thanks so much for reviewing, I'm just glad you liked it! Report Review
The other day I found this story to be mentioned in almost every author recommendation thread that I looked at over at tgs. I knew that I had to give it a shot. And I am so glad I did. I love this!
I don't know how you came up with this writing style, but it is genius. It is so different (at least to me) and the choppyness really seems to work. It is a bit of a challenge to read, but I don't mind in the least because it makes so much sense.
Quick question, why do you constantly change how Dominique is referred to? You use Dom, Domi, and Dominique all on a regular basis, any specific reason as to why? In the one-shot the precedes this, I believe you only used Domi. Just a random question. I could see it being a bit confusing at first, especially since I don't think you use Domi until the second or so chapter, but nothing too big of a deal.
I like Louis. He seems to have become much more confidant between receiving his NEWTs and now, and I think it fits him. I like how you are delving so deep into the magical world, and the ministry, much further than J.K. ever explained. It could be a risk, but it's nice that so much of what you are writing about is really yours!
Great job so far and I really hope you continue on, and soon hopefully!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Ahh well that'll be pretty much every single one of them is a crazy! :P Thank you though, I'm so glad!
Ever read Bridget Jones' Diary? I pretty much stole it off that, but kind of adapted it a bit to suit me? If that makes any sense at all.
It definitely is different, hopefully it wasn't too much of a challenge though. At least not too much to stop you enjoying it.
Umm, couple of reasons. First is that the only Dominique I know gets called all three. Second is that I'm still trying to work out which I like best on her, they all seem to apply at different times for different characters to me. Can definitely see how it would get confusing though. I'll try and be more consistent with it in the future!
He does, doesn't he? I guess that's what two years of work and a bit of independence will do for you. That whole side of things is what makes fanfiction fun for me! It's this huge massive universe that's really only hinted at, why not play in it?
I've actually got the next chapter written, just I've got another story on the queue blocking its path :P Hopefully won't be long though. Thanks so much for reviewing, I'm really glad you've enjoyed it so far! Report Review
You're right; you suck and you have no writing skills whatsoever. I hate you.
Yeah, that'll be the day..
Ahem, got one thing to say:
ANNAH/LOUIS FTW! ALWAYS (well, I haven't actually said it before now) ROOTED FOR THOSE TWO. SUCKS TO BE YOU SAM/LOUIS LOVERS!
That was a little unorthodox.
High fives? Ahem, NO! That chick gets in the way of anything I will personally... erm... do something bad!
Dominique is a living legend. Seriously want to be her - scratch that, she's too scary. But I really love her.
Internet points for noticing the Vicky ref., it was amusing.
UPDATE. NAOW.Author's Response: HAHAHA I was going to be all like UMM WAY HARSH CALL MAN! But then I kept reading and all okay!
OH DEFINITELY! While I'm not entirely sure I should be taking sides, I honestly have no idea where the whole Sam/Louis thing came from - so I'm really not all that on board with those guys. I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH! Just on the off chance they're reading this or whatever.
Umm that's not going to end to well for you! Actually, I'm not going to say anything. You'll just have to wait and see.
Dominique is AWESOME! I was thinking about that the other day actually. As in, why can't I meet someone like her? Universe/life is so unfair. Then realised that she would actually be utterly terrifying in real life, and definitely best confined to pages.
10 POINTS TO YOU! Woah caps was on.
SHALL DO MY BEST, THANK YOU FOR A COMPLETELY LOVELY REVIEW! Report Review
♥ ♥ ♥
Nope, haven't lost your touch. Loved how Domi rescued him from Hairy Knuckles character. V. sad that Sam has left, v. hopeful for Annouis (?), and/or Louis + new pretty x 50 million girl. Really felt (some sort of) heartbroken for him when Sam finally left.
Fave lines are as follows:
- Firstly picking Annah up as gesture of friendship (lust) and solidarity (worship) and secondly sending Sam off as gesture of friendship and solidarity.
- Running important as traditionally us wizarding folk haven't been allowed to Apparate in densely occupied Muggle areas.
- Dragged out tonight by Annah and aforementioned sister for purposes unclear and likely nefarious.
- Equally unfortunate truth was Annah's dress. Very little and very black.
That's like, what? Half the chapter? XD
Oh, no pressure, but you know, update soon. ;)Author's Response: Ooh pretty hearts! How do you do them? Well cute.
Mann she is just the best! Hahaha you totally are picking up my style, getting worryingly good at it actually :P Kind of like Annouis, if only because it gives me an excuse to write that xD
First line of those is totally the best!
The rest aren't bad though I suppose :P
Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews, shall do my very best! Report Review
Oh goodness, the Louis-Sam scene was so adorable and heartbreaking and gah. Love them. Very sad that Sam is leaving, but very happy that said leaving made Louis pour his heart out. --> See? Now you're making me sound like Louis, too. Not that I'm complaining. XD
I LOVE Vic. Love how she seems tough, but is actually a sweet and caring sister deep down.
Would have wanted to quote my favorite lines but you know, I'd just end up pasting the whole chapter in this box, so I abandoned that idea. I really am amazed at how you've managed to keep the plot moving while still making this as funny as ever. Guess it just goes to show how good a writer you are, no?Author's Response: Aww adorable and heartbreaking is good and stuff! If only because the whole writing the heart pouring out stuff really properly doesn't come naturally to me. I'm converting you all one by one, takeover is pretty much inexorable :P
SO DO I! I'm not sure if it counts if I do though. I think you've got it spot on. While she is all hardcore and tough, she's really the one looking out for Dom and Louis, and you know she'd do just about anything for them.
Oh you know I would have been fine with that! Haha umm I've honestly got no idea? I've got a bad feeling that the plot could quite possibly collapse further down the track, seeing as what how I keep kind of making it up as I go -hides-
Thanks again! Report Review
You know what made me love this even more? SIRIUS. Even if he was just a portrait - and a very naughty one at that - anything with any mention of him in it is ♥ to me. So yeah, if I could squish this story, I would.
Definitely not boring at all! (v. late reaction, I know. Starting to sound/type like Louis.)
Loved his speech - very unlike his internal monologues, so I was surprised to hear/read him actually being serious, even if his speech waw, erm, ambiguous. And OH NO, SAM!!! -cries-
Favorite line of this chapter:
Swung away from Domi on amazing swivel chair of amazing swivel-ness.
Genius story!Author's Response: Can't go wrong with a bit of Sirius! His little bit was a lot of fun to write, even if it was sillier than normal :P He's really kind of just the opposite of Louis, and it's always fun to make fun of Louis!
Hahaha you totally are! It seems to happen quite a bit to be fair, wayy addictive.
Had to put it in there to show he's actually not a COMPLETE incompetent. The whole bit with the internal monologues, it's mainly low self-esteem. Then the actual speech is more what everyone else sees him like. Does that make any sense at all?
I LOVED THAT SWIVEL CHAIR LINE! I was spinning on one when I wrote it xD
Totally is isn't it? Hahaha you're such a silly, thanks you so much though! Report Review
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