Reading Reviews for The Worst
  
271 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MargaretLane It Is Time

7th November 2014:
Yay, I'm delighted to see this back.

And I'd forgotten about Dominique turning down Teddy's proposal.

I like the way you start with her attempts at the letter before showing what she thinks. It sort of make it more real to see some examples of what she's writing.

Aw, I feel so sorry for her. She's under so much pressure, poor girl.

I also like the insight into what Teddy is feeling and how confused he is about how she feels about him. And I like the way they actually talk about it rather than second guessing each other.

This sentence sounds like little confused, "I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean that I never will." It might sound better if it said "SAYING I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean I never will" or "JUST BECAUSE I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean I never will."

I really hope Teddy comes around. She's been through a lot and it's hardly surprising if she doesn't react exactly as he might hope.

Poor Dominique - a row with her boyfriend and a transformation on the same day. In my stories, stress and upheaval before a transformation makes them worse. Hopefully, it's not the same for Dominique or she really will have an awful time.

Excellent chapter. Don't mind about the delay. Sometimes real life has to take priority and it sounds like you HAVE been busy. Sorry to hear about the writer's block. THAT is annoying.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the review =)

Whoops, I totally get why you forgot - I haven't updated in forever! But I'll try to keep them more regular now!

I am pleased you liked the beginning with the letters.
And yeah she is under a lot of pressure.
I think since the story is from Dom's POV, it'd be hard to get Teddy's viewpoint across unless they actually talked about it so it's good to know you liked that.

Thanks for pointing out that wonky sentence. I'll go back and correct it =)

Yeah, Dom has been through a lot but so has Teddy so it might take him a little longer to get through it. Let's see what happens!

We're on the same track there; stress definitely makes the transformation worse. She does have the wolfsbane so it's going to tone it down but let's see how much.

I am so happy to know you think the chapter was excellent. Thank you!


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Review #27, by crestwood Dreading The Worst

7th November 2014:
Hi Aditi! Here from the review thread.

I've been meaning to start reading this story for a really long time, so I'm going to start today on my small break from NaNo. I've never known what this story was actually about before now. I've been intrigued by your forum sig for a really long time though. Now that I know it's a werewolf story, I am really excited. Especially because it's Next-Gen and set in a world in which Hermione has worked for werewolf rights.

You've done an excellent job of setting the mood and giving us a bit of characterization here. You've jumped right into the main plot, which I can appreciate. I can imagine that this will be extremely well written based on this chapter. I thought your descriptions were great in particular. You didn't just tell us to be scared, you made us scared and that makes all the difference in horror stories. I think you've got this genre pretty much perfected. I can't wait until I can continue on reading this story!

- Joey

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing =)
I'm pleased you were intrigued by my sig (yay) and that you finally got the chance to read this. I'm pleased you like the set up =)

Thank you for your lovely comments. The genre is not exactly Horror/Dark, it was only so for the first chapter, but nonetheless I'm happy you enjoyed the whole mood. Thank you!


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Review #28, by wolfgirl17 Reflecting and Brooding

5th November 2014:
Hey Angie!

I really enjoyed the flashback you did in this chapter. I was wondering before reading it how it had come to be that Dom and Teddy were together instead of Vikki and Teddy, so it cleared things up nicely.

Your characterization is growing in this one and I like the way you hint in this chapter at what an awful person Delilah Jones is. I would be appalled if my boss wanted to take advantage of me getting sick like that.

Your cliffhanger is good too. It definitley left me reaching for the 'Next' button as fast as I could to make sure he wasn't going to break up with her or something. Overall, this is somewhat of a plot building, filler type chapter, simply because it's more of an internal monologue to explain things so far and to lay further foundations for what is to come.

Every story needs them and there are few who can write them and still have the chapter seem exciting and important. Kudos for that. Obviously there is a little less werewolf fuss in this chapter, much to my dismay, but I know it picks up again. I'm really looking forward to a chapter when she actually turns. That's going to be fun to read, so I hope you're planning on writing one!

Keep up the great work. I favorited this story because it's so brilliant and wonderful and fantastic. Do request more reviews if you want them and I'm not just boring you to tears now. I've been planning out my story for your Vampire Challenge too, so hopefully I'll have it through the queue to submit to you soon!

xx-Ellie (Wolfgirl17)

Author's Response: Hey!

Indeed, this was mostly a filler chapter, just giving some more background to the story and story. I am glad you liked it nonetheless.

I am pleased you liked the cliffhanger.

Haha, the werewolf stuff is definitely coming back. And as for the transformation, keep an eye out for future chapters ;)

Your review, as always, made me smile. Thank you so much for all your kind words.

Cheers,
AD/Angie


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Review #29, by wolfgirl17 The Worst Had Happened

4th November 2014:
Hello again.

As you can no doubt tell from the subject matter alone, I love this story, and this chapter is wonderful. I like the way you've portrayed Dom's reaction to waking up after the attack and learning that she is a werewolf.

Of course it's not the route all of us would take *clears throat pointedly whilst peering around in the hopes of spotting a werewolf looking for a wolfy friend* But given the way Werewolfism is portrayed in Cannon, it's perfectly understandable for Dom to completely freak out over the whole ordeal, not to mention that the pain and stress of the attack would be very traumatic.

It makes me sad that she pushed Teddy away when he is clearly trying to help her, and I was surprised by the way Fleur ran out crying (I've actually read all your chapters so far but wanted to wait for the requests to avoid the rather unprofessional and entirely unflattering howls of depressedness that resulted when I found that you hadn't finished this yet) So I do know of course that there is more reason to her reaction than just being upset over a daughter with a werewolf curse.

You know what might be cool though, Teddy, being a Metamorphagus, could totally turn into a wolf along with her on the full moon and then would be safe and Dom wouldn't have to be lonely. I wonder why Tonks never thought of that with Remus, seeing as Animal transformation seem included? Doesn't she make a pig nose in OotP?

But I'm getting off topic here because I'm far too involved in the story thanks to your lovely characterisation and plot weaving and wonderful writing style! You came here for a coherent and useful review, not mindless rambling about werewolves.

Where was I? . Oh, yes, now then. The Important stuff.

As I suspected you would, you've continued to characterize Dom wonderfully, and I liked the way you introduce Teddy as being so caring and loving and supportive. Bill was great too, I've always imagined him as being the strong, supportive and understated rock of the family, much like Mr Weasley before him.

Your plot is good, you've opened it up for exciting things to come with a little bit of drama thrown in to lure us into finding out how Teddy reacts to her outburst.

I keep scrolling back up thinking there must be something I can possibly find to offer some concrit on so you don't feel so cheated with such a gushing review, but I just can't find anything that could be improved in anyway without detracting from the awesomeness you've already created!

I even took the time to read earlier and then came back to re-read in an attempt of offering levelheaded advice, but it's like werewolf drool just pours out of my mouth with how much I love this story!

You simply must keep requesting. I want to offer freebies, but I know they're just going to be incoherent at this point. Maybe I need food.

Anyway. I loved it (if you couldn't already tell) and I can't wait to read it all over again! Keep it up. A new chapter would most certainly result in slavering drivel where I would no doubt profess my undying love for you and your story!

xx-Wolfgirl17. =)

Author's Response: Heyyy!!

Wow you read all the chapters? Haha that's awesome, thank you so much!!

You don't know just how incredibly happy your reviews are making me so keep going xD

Well, unfortunately (or fortunately :P) Dominique is not like us fans and doesn't like the idea of turning into a werewolf. Thus her crazy reaction. At this point, she's so much in shock, she's just going to get distant from everyone.

Haha actually I don't think metamorphmaguses can completely transform into a different being - I think it's only part of their features; and that too on the outside. That is, they can't turn into a wolf because that would mean a change of internal organs as well - they're not like Animagi. At least that's my theory!

I am pleased you like the plot and the drama so far. I will definitely re-request! Your reviews make me grin so big xD

Thank you!!


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Review #30, by wolfgirl17 Dreading The Worst

4th November 2014:
Hello Again Deary!

You've found my weakness. I am absolutely obsessed with werewolves! How did you know?

As such, I positively love the story. It's fantastic and wonderful and oh my gosh I must read MORE!!! And now look what you've done, gone and woken the werewolf fangirl I had so successfully managed to chain up!

I love it, honesty. Your characterization of Dom in this chapter is good. I can totally relate to her fear and her worry about being bitten and how much she would stand to lose when afflicted by the curse. I can relate to the idea of her developing the fear in spite of the leaps forward that the Wizarding world has made, not to mention her frustration and perplexity at being stuck there on the full moon.

I really like the way you've laid the foundations for the story in this chapter too, while managing to make it interesting and exciting. I know I sometimes struggle with getting the foundations laid without making it boring, so kudos for nailing that =)

The plot is exciting too, because WEREWOLVES! And normally I'm not much of a fan of Dom, but I think you might just be able to win me over to her. YAY!

I'm afraid this review might not be all that useful to you really. I like it too much to even find a single thing wrong with it.

I'm assuming of course that you will continue to develop her character and introduce plot points to move the story along, and of course you've suckered us into the story with that lovely cliffhanger. I have to say I'm glad you requested whilst having a few chapters published already or I'd be on tenterhooks wanting to know what's going to happen next, and then I'd be one of those terrible naggers who constantly beg for more even when it's usually the queue holding up the progress of the tale.

I love it and I'm looking forward to reading more! Keep up the absolutely fantastic work!!
*does spazzy dance with excitement to read next chapters*

Love your work!

xx-Wolfgirl17

Author's Response: Hey there =)

Omg your review has made me super happy!! Thank you so much for your lovely words. To be honest, we all like those reviews that are all about happy stuff and don't point out wrong from time to time, don't we? haha xD

I am glad you like Dom's characterisation so far even fi you're not much of a fan! We'll definitely see more of her reactions and feelings and thoughts as the story progresses.

The plot largely deals with her issues on thinking of herself as a 'monster' so it's kinda a different take on the usual action-y stuff but I still hope you like it!

I am definitely eager to know what you think of the rest of the story so I'm rushing to re-request now!

Thanks again for the awesome review =)


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Review #31, by Rumpelstiltskin Reflecting and Brooding

19th July 2014:
Hey Aditi, I'm here for the July Review Exchange.

With all of the disaster that is in her life at the moment, what with recently becoming a werewolf, at least Dom is has some insight about werewolves and what struggles she is going to face (especially in society). Due to her research, in the very least, she won't be left in the dark.

The flashback was absolutely adorable, but somehow almost tauntingly pleasant in the wake of all of the darkness surrounding Dom at the moment. Understandably, Dom would've had some hesitation over dating her sister's ex, but I'm glad that Victoire ultimately gave her blessing to date Teddy. It emphasized the bond between the two sisters, as well as the essence of having long since moved on over an old relationship.

Unfortunately, with all of the things that Dom had said to Teddy (revelations about his father, and pretty much saying outright that she didn't want him around her at the moment), she's already begun to push the people closest to her away. Hopefully Teddy will understand that her harsh words came from a place of extreme duress, and not really from her heart.

While using her condition to fuel her research/articles on werewolves, it's understandable that she'd be hesitant to do so. While the treatment of werewolves have improved over the years, there is sure to be some prejudice festering about somewhere. That boss of hers, Delilah, seems a little two-faced to me (which I find fantastically entertaining in a character). It really seems like she's trying to exploit Dom's condition, milking it for all it's worth.

Naturally, Dom is feeling some resentment over the scar that's really never going to go away. It's a natural reaction for somebody, I'd say, as that's probably all she can see in herself at the moment. I'm really quite excited that Teddy has shown up, though I am mildly concerned that he's frowning. I wonder what's wrong!!

Fantastic chapter (it really has been way too long since I've read this).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hey Rumpel! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you are liking the story, and that you liked the chapter.

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Review #32, by patronus_charm Meetings and more.

28th May 2014:
Hi Aditi! Here for the review exchange and I apologise in advance for any typos or things which don't make sense as this is being written on my phone!

I really liked the beginning section and I thought you handled the revelations about Delilah really well. It just how strong Dom and Teddy are as a couple and made me like them even more so. Also the use of italics was really good too, to emphasise the importance of certain things and it stayed in my mind for a lot longer.

Ha, the section with Wilson Young was almost funny. I was expecting some sort of maverick man waving his wand at them, as he seemed like a recluse and mad too but I was happy to see it was the opposite instead. I wouldn't go as far as to say he was nice as he did accept Delilah's bribe but he did defy expectations. Then he was quite sweet with how he offered to look after Dom at the next full moon.

Hmm, this confirmed all what Delilah had been up to though and I can't help but wonder why she would do this. At the moment it might be that either her parents had a fight with Fleur over her beauty or she has some death eater connection but neither one of them seem to work in my head really. Oh well, it will be interesting to see what you come up with!

Ooh I loved how cool and confident Dom was when she went to work it fitted with her character really well and it was great to see what inner strength she had too. I'm looking forwar to seeing more of Julia too, as this will be a friend for her which isn't a relative or her boyfriend so the dynamic will be different which will be cool. Finally, that was such a great cliffhanger to leave it on though I'm currently wondering whether someone has just stitched her up and it's someone else who has done this to Dom

Great chapter Aditi!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana.

Apologies for such a late response. I am glad you liked the whole revelations about Delilah and how the story unfolded.

Wilson Young is more of a 'lost cause' kind of man, far from a maniac haha.

As for Delilah's motives, we'll know about them soon.

I'm glad you're liking this over all. Thank you!


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Review #33, by Pixileanin Reflecting and Brooding

25th April 2014:
Hello! I'm back for another chapter! Dominique has a lot of worry surrounding everything. She seems like the eternal pessimist, and is prone to overreacting. Of course, having your boyfriend be your sister's ex could complicate things. I thought you used the flashback very well to move the story forward and shed some light on her relationship with her sister and with Teddy. Very effective!

On one hand, I like that this Jones lady is offering Dominique some semblance of normalcy to come back to. It puts her condition in a different perspective and she's paving the way for Dom to accept what has happened to her and possibly do some good about it. On the other hand, she seems a bit flippant about the situation, and not at all sympathetic. She's jumping right into the thick of things, when Dom is obviously not able to handle the thought of exposing herself so quickly. Fishy, the way that Jones is fixated on the notes and the article. Though it does give Dominique something to focus on other than her own self pity.

I don't know what's going on with Teddy. It might have something to do with not answering his owls, but I think it's probably something different. I don't know. But I do know how to find out... I'll be back later.

Author's Response: Hello again =) Yes she indeed has a lot of worrying going on. I am glad you liked the flashback too.

Delilah Jones is definitely not your average boss xP Fishy isn't it? We'll see more of her later.

I am glad you're liking the story. Thanks for all the lovely reviews! Apologies for the late response!

Thank you =)


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Review #34, by Pixileanin The Worst Had Happened

25th April 2014:
I really like it when chapters start of with a nightmare. I don't know. It just sets the mood, and to have it come on the heels of the first chapter, where we know that she lived through this exact thing, it seemed very fitting. Nice descriptives, again. Not too heavy, and not flowery, but the setting is solid and visible.

Your choice to have Dominique wake up and be unable to move put this whole scene at a high drama level. You did a great job of incorporating that into the scene, allowing her to struggle physically, and emotionally with the things that are beyond her control.

It was interesting to me that the pain went away as she regained consciousness. I suppose those were some great potions the Healer had. I also loved the way you let us sense who else was in the room with Dom. That was particularly well-done, with her discovering through sound, and who was holding her hand. Nice.

One thing that stuck out to me was how calm she was when she came out of the dream. I would have expected the panic to bleed over into the scene as she came around, but that didn't happen. It made me wonder why Dominique wanted to reassure everyone right away that she was fine. Does she have a need to not let people worry over her? Was she pushing the reality away so hard that she had to make everyone else believe that nothing had happened? I can understand that, though. If it was that horrifying, and she's not ready to face it, there's a lot of strength in believing that it never happened.

Okay, I see what you did there. She insists that she's fine, and then at the end of the scene, she knows she's not. It made for a big switch in her emotional state, very dramatic turn. I found it very realistic that Dominique had to tell Teddy how "not fine" she really was, and bring up sore points with him that he may or may not have heard about his family. I thought it fit in well to bring up Teddy's father, and highlight some of the details that the family may have overlooked. It sounds like those were either fresh discoveries for her, or that they were the reason that she feared werewolves so much.

Dominique is so inconsolable, and I hate the way everyone leaves the room with her in this state, but I guess they realize that they're not going to get through to her so quickly.

How do you live, when your life as you know it is over? I guess that's what the story is going to explore. I like that you chose this way to portray a transformation. It looks like it's going to be a very personal journey.

Author's Response: Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked how this started off with a nightmare =) I love those too. It's a relief you're liking the descriptions so far as well.

Dominique is the kind of person who'll want her loved ones not to worry - and moreover she was in a denial kind of phase where she believed she was fine and it was just a dream.

I am pleased you liked the transition to her outburst in the end though, and the whole talk with Teddy.

Yes everyone knows Dominique and they know she's best left alone in such situations.

It is surely a personal journey and I am pleased you're intrigued by it.

Thank you once again!


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Review #35, by Pixileanin Dreading The Worst

25th April 2014:
Hey, it's me from the TGS Review Exchange! I'm not late, am I?

Wow. Okay, loads of imagery start this off, with the stormy night and the slipping and running and the red hair. Very lovely. I get a clear picture of the setting in my head in the first paragraph. It makes me question why she's there, and why she's so afraid. But you don't keep us in the dark for long.

Okay, so Dominique is a journalist, and she forgets about the full moon. This does not bode well for her. How could she have simply forgotten? Or maybe she was more concerned about the deadline for the article than the actual safety of her own person. I hear that journalists can have a single-minded tunnel vision about such things. You did say that she was very careful with her notebook, and that the interviewer was very reluctant, so I suppose she would be concentrating more on that than anything else.

It's a good thing she got that owl.

I think that regardless of her House, she'd be scared out of her pants by the notion of being in the woods with a pack of werewolves about to transform. If you're not scared by the thought of that, it's not bravery, it's stupidity. Run, woman! Run! But she can't. She's stuck there, without being able to apparate. Oh no!

It was like one of those horror movies, where the main character is left with no choice but the worst one, and so we have to watch them step right into the badness. Well-played, here.

It was not boring in the least, this introductory chapter. I think you kept the tension high, and the fear factor in front of the reader the whole time. Dominique didn't have time to really think over why she couldn't apparate inside the cottage, and I'm glad you didn't get into that, because it would have disrupted the action. But I am insanely curious about it. Something went wrong that she didn't expect, and I want to know what was behind it.

Lovely writing! I'm off to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Apologies for the late response.

I am glad you liked the imagery and stuff in the beginning.

Being a journalist-in-the-making myself, I can tell you we journalists tend to get distracted a lot ;) Our only focus is to get the interview, to write that article, forgetting track of time xP

Haha I love the way you're reviewing this - it's like I'm getting a commentary of the story as it goes and it's fun to read it from someone else's POV xD

I'm glad you liked how the whole moment played out with her not having any choice but to step out, as I enjoyed writing that.

We'll be getting into the whys and hows in the next couple of chapters, yes.

Thanks again!


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Review #36, by LavenderBlue Decisions and Discoveries

23rd April 2014:
Hello! LavenderBlue here with your requested review.

I love a good NextGen fic, and your story is no exception! I was especially eager to read a story centering around Dominque. I think she so often gets overlooked, and yet there's a wealth of potential for her character, much of which you've tapped into. :] Below, you'll find my thoughts on the first five chapters.

Plot. You start out with a FANTASTIC hook. Lycanthropy is such a multifaceted, emotion-packed subject, and it has special relevance to Dominique since, as you point out, both her father and boyfriend were in some way affected by it. Dom's inability to conceive is also a compelling plot point, but the most stunning of all is the apparent conspiracy by the Daily Prophet and Delilah to intentionally turn Dom into a werewolf. (!!!) All of these factors make for a solid plot structure. My only concern is that sometimes the plot gets bogged down by too much dialogue, which I'll address in the next paragraph.

Dialogue. In these first five chapters, I've noticed a tendency for your characters to "overtalk." There were several instances--especially Dom and Teddy's conversations--where your characters' lines didn't ring true or felt like an info dump, rather than an actual conversation. For example, in Chapter 3's flashback, Teddy, Dom, and Victoire talk through a potential relationship between Teddy and Dom in exhaustive detail--but much of this detail isn't necessary. All you need to convey is that Victoire is at peace with Teddy and Dom dating. I think that passage would benefit from cutting a lot of dialogue and replacing it with some more subtle, nuanced lines.

On a similar note, there are several times where relationship conflict seems to be too easily resolved. Twice now, Dom and Teddy have been embroiled in a heated (and legitimate!) argument, only for them to exchange apologizes and be completely at peace again. This struck me as unrealistic. Dom and Teddy can, of course, resolve their conflicts. That's what healthy couples do! But even the healthiest couples can still hold grudges or deal with unresolved issues. I think the story might benefit from you giving Dom and Teddy some more longterm issues (other than Dom's inability to conceive) that they have to grapple with over the course of more than just a chapter.

Characterization. I really like the way you portray Delilah. She's so attentive and sweet on the outside, and yet her words and actions are total poison. She reminds me strongly of Dolores Umbridge. Even though I didn't like Delilah from the outset, however, I was still surprised to find that she paid off a werewolf to bite Dom. And that's a good sign that you've developed your villain well but still retain the element of surprise! I also like how you portray the quiet jealousy Dom has developed toward Victoire. It's clear that the sisters love each other, but of course Dom is upset that Victoire will have a life that she can now never obtain. :(

Overall, I think Dom's portrayal is strong. You've given her goals (an eventual family, respect in her career) and you've given her obstacles to overcome (lycanthropy!). That's a great start. I'm most concerned about your characterization of Teddy. Right now, he's reading like a stock character to me. I don't see any personality coming through other than the perfect, supportive boyfriend. I'd suggest spending more time fleshing out Teddy's character and giving him more visible interests and flaws.

Prose/Grammar. Overall, I think you're good here. My only big red flag when reading through your prose is that you tend to overuse ellipses. A "..." placed in the right spot can be extremely powerful. But when you use them, they tend to lose their meaning. I'd suggest going through the story and evaluating whether each ellipsis is really necessary or not.

That's it from me! I had a great time reading this far, and I think you're off to a wonderful start. Very best wishes as you continue to write!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for such a detailed review, and apologies for not responding sooner!

I am glad you like the plot over all, I put a lot of thought and effort into it, so it's good to know it makes sense =)

I do have issues with dialogue (in all my stories) so I'll try to work on that and tone it down for future chapters, and when I come back to edit. I'll also try to work around Dom and Teddy's resolutions and see what I can do. Thanks for the tips!

I am pleased you like Delilah's characterisation and call her a 'good villain', that's a big compliment so thank you. I'll try to flesh out Teddy more and see what I can do.

Ellipsis are the bane of my existence, haha. I'll go back and look at them when I get the time.

Thank you so much once again for your encouraging words and helpful comments!


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Review #37, by lindslo2012 Decisions and Discoveries

17th April 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another requested review!
WOW. That was an intense chapter..
I am so sad for Dom because she doesn't have the chance to be able to conceive on her own anymore... that hits me close to the heart since I have had fertility problems. poor Dom...
I am so happy though that she has a great boyfriend who is always seemingly there for her and that will do anything to keep her happy. I am glad that Teddy is who he is because if he was someone else he may not understand all what Dom is going through. His own father was a werewold after all so that must help. Dom is with a good guy.
I am very curious to know what happens next!
I hope that they find out the cause of the biting and who did this to her and ect.
I hate to see her go through all of this as I've said before.. I can't imagine being able to look at my sister and see how much more she has than me... that must be hard.
GREAT JOB! Once again your story is going amazingly and I have loved every moment of reading it so far!
Please re-request for more. I wish I could write as well as you :)
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, apologies for not replying sooner!

I am glad you liked the chapter over all with its intensity, and could feel for Dom. Thank you!


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Review #38, by TidalDragon At The Burrow

16th April 2014:
You had to make the cliffhanger in the proposal didn't you?! Well it's certainly a good spot, if a bit frustrating. I only hope that Dominique won't be retreating back into the self-pity and insistence that she would only hurt Teddy's life that she seemed to have abandoned some time ago.

As far as the story as a whole goes, I thought it started out incredibly strong. You used very good descriptions and imagery to set up and begin telling a unique story. The plot was logical, largely flowed well, and I thought other than the few comments I made about characterization everyone was believable within the story.

The biggest thing that perplexed me throughout though was what changed from the early chapters to the later ones. As I mentioned above I thought you started off very strongly, but as things got more complex with more characters and more storylines, you seemed to let the dialogue overtake you and some of the things that made the beginning so strong and stood out as being excellently written seemed to fall by the wayside a bit in service of conversation and pushing the plot forward. If you do decide to go back and make any edits, or even as you continue to work forward, I'd look back at those early chapters and try to draw some inspiration from the style and type of writing you were doing then, and weave it in with what you're doing now. The fusion would be more effective than either in isolation in my opinion.

All in all though you've done good work with an intriguing plot, characters with little canon to serve as background, and a very difficult situation and its myriad complications.

I wish you the best going forward and I hope my reviews helped. Please PM me if you have questions!

Author's Response: No worries, Dominique is not retreating into self-pity... but it's just that she's at a point in her life when she is not ready for something like marriage, plus she cares about Teddy and she'd rather not see him "childless" for the rest of his life. More on that in the next chapter of course =)

I am pleased over all you feel like the story started strong, that the plot is logical, and characters more or less believable.

I'll try to follow your advice and weave in more description and emotion in the story as it moves on, and when I come back to edit.

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. They've given me some valuable feedback. Apologies for the delay in responding.


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Review #39, by TidalDragon A Ray of Light

16th April 2014:
Well, Delilah got her comeuppance didn't she? It felt rather rushed to me, but the outcome was right in the end.

I did like the touches you made about the legal system in the wizarding world, putting bounds on the use of veritaserum and discussing the pensieve chamber for example. Both were interesting takes on things we know from canon that served your story well.

The biggest thing for me in this chapter was the profanity and outbursts. I can understand some of it, but I think it was a little overboard here. This is a personal opinion, but I think profanity works best when used at crucial emotional points for maximum impact. You used it as a couple of potential right moments here, but when you used it more frequently it diluted the effect. I understand that it helped to make Delilah seem a bit more unhinged, but I think that might have been better developed through a balance of internal thoughts/observations or a more extended confrontation between Dominique and her (former?) boss.

Now that she's gone though and the mystery is solved, I'm wondering where we go next. The A/N says a family gathering, so I'll see you there!

Author's Response: I am sorry if it felt rushed to you, I'll try to fix that.

The little details like that always please me so I'm glad you liked them too.

Since the story is mostly Dom's POV I'm not sure I can incorporate Delilah's inner thoughts here, but I'll try to work around the dialogues and tone down the profanity.

Thanks again for all your helpful feedback !


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Review #40, by TidalDragon Meetings and more.

16th April 2014:
Hello again!

For this particular chapter, the biggest thing I noticed was that the dialogue really seemed to dominate more than usual. We got occasional internal thoughts or emotion language cast in, but by-and-large, such things were much more sparse, and the description not nearly as vivid as in chapters past. This was true of the previous chapter, albeit to a lesser extent, but the descriptions and powerful language you used to set the tone and mood so well in the first two chapters feel a long way away. I think the story would really benefit from taking the time to bring them all the way back.

In terms of plot, things are developing at a solid pace and flowing pretty well. I am following the story easily and not feeling overwhelmed with content and storylines or new developments, but at the same time not feeling like you're plodding along either. I think you could probably stand to inject a bit more detail, as I mentioned, but by and large you're doing well in these areas.

The characterizations were decent in this chapter. I definitely understand Dominique having mixed thoughts and volatile emotions in the immediate aftermath of what happened. I also appreciate Teddy's anger and intensity, but him running hot and cold didn't seem to fit as much for me as it did for Dominique. One minute he was ready to fight, the next he was trying to calm Dominique down and it just seemed a bit inconsistent at times.

Looking forward to the final two chapters you have up!

Author's Response: Hello again! Yes there was a lot more dialogue in this chapter but it had to be done since it was necessary for the scene. The first chapter was a prologue of sorts and it set the tone for the story thus more description there. But I'll try to bring back the imagery and descriptions if I can =)

I am glad you are liking the plot and the pace seems okay.

I'll look into the inconsistency as well.

Thanks =)


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Review #41, by TidalDragon Decisions and Discoveries

16th April 2014:
Alrighty, so diving right in, I thought the moments between Fleur and Dominique stood out as positives, along with the interaction between Dominique and Teddy.

In terms of areas for improvement, I think it would have been useful to look at Fleur's speech patterns from the books and try to mirror them better. I can understand the patterns being less pronounced over time, since she would presumably have lived in the U.K. with Bill for quite some time now and slightly adjusted, but I think it would have made that characterization more nuanced to have them manifest in some way (other than the French words).

Also (and this is really more minor), I felt the part after the transition from Teddy and Dom's spat to the questioning of the attack was a bit rushed - rather than Dominique speaking consistently in larger paragraphs, I think two characters who know one another so well would most likely have exhibited more balance and back-and-forth, which would have made that portion feel a bit less jumbled as well.

At any rate, the plot is remaining interesting with the new developments you are inserting and it is mostly flowing well on the whole.

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: I am pleased you liked the moments between Fleur and Dominique, and Teddy/Dom.
I figured Fleur's accent would have faded over time but I'll see if I can add more of the touches to her dialogues.
I'll work on the dialogues between Teddy/Dom.

Thanks =)


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Review #42, by TidalDragon More Bad News

16th April 2014:
Hello again!

This was a very interesting chapter. When I first read the revelation about Dominique being unable to have children, my gut reactions was - WHAT?! But look at Teddy! And then you followed it up with a very logical well-reasoned explanation. So that was very good.

On the flip side, I think that news and the reactions to it are probably the some of the most difficult things to possibly write. That also makes it hard to comment on because I don't know your personal experience with it. I will leave it at this - I think I wanted a bit more of Dominique's internal thoughts. This was a huge moment - the type that gives you license to make time stand still - and I think you could have massively magnified it by doing so. Drilling in on the smallest details that Dominique notices, her thoughts, her emotions, her reactions to simple things like light and the voices talking to her. I thought it was largely handled appropriately, but I thought those kind of touches could have made it that much more impactful.

We didn't really see enough of Fleur and Victoire here to comment too much on their characterization, but I thought Teddy was solid and the scene you wrote between he and Dominique that represented the beginning of the chapter was well done. Some of Teddy's dialogue seemed overly complex in terms of vocabulary, but perhaps that's an aspect of his character you're laying out.

All in all a good chapter that certainly leaves a big cliffhanger to transition to the next one.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

I am glad the explanation made sense. Thank you for the CC as well, I'll try to focus more on her inner thoughts and reactions if I edit =)

Yeah I didn't bring much of Fleur and Victoire in this but Teddy is a huge part of the whole scene in the story so I'm glad you liked his characterisation. I'll look into the dialogue as well.

Thanks =)


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Review #43, by TidalDragon Reflecting and Brooding

16th April 2014:
Howdy! Sorry it's taken so long, but I'm dropping in on this chapter to start my answer to your review request as I knew the moment I got your request I had already R&R'd the first two chapters. This story is actually in my Reading List, so that should tell you I already liked what I read earlier.

As far as this chapter goes, I thought it did well at advancing the plot and developing some relationships and characters that I get the sense will be important in the future. I thought it flowed nicely from scene to scene, which is no mean feat when you also involve a flashback, so kudos on that.

As for the different scenes themselves, I honestly wasn't a big fan of the flashback scene. I know you had a lot to explore and resolve in a short frame of time, but the ending in particular seemed a bit hurried and off to me. Maybe having Dominique return to the present to actively reflect on Victoire's acceptance would allow you to keep it succinct but still have the nice Dom/Teddy-centric portion of the flashback? Just a thought.

I really liked the characterization of the editor. I would hate to work for her, but she was certainly distinctive and you absolutely got across the type of person she is in a very short amount of time with her dialogue and demeanor.

I also liked that you came full circle back to Teddy at the end. It made the flashback at the beginning more meaningful, and also made for what I think will be a nice transition to the next chapter.

See you in Chapter 4!

Author's Response: Hello there! I'm so sorry for the terribly late response but I've been super busy! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing my story!

I am pleased you liked what you've read earlier. I am glad you liked how this advanced the plot and developed the relationships as especially the latter was my main aim.

I want to redo the flashback yes, and I'll look into it whenever i get time =) Thanks for the comments!

I am pleased you like Delilah's characterisation as well, and the whole ending with Teddy.

Thanks!


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Review #44, by teh tarik At The Burrow

14th April 2014:
Helloo AD! Well, FINALLY I'm all caught up with the story! Took me awhile but yay, I'm so pleased.

From the beginning, I kind of suspected that Teddy was going to do something drastic...like propose to Dom, bahaha, and I was right. I assumed that was him in the kitchen conspiring with Victoire and Ian on the best way to do it! :P Seriously, Teddy is my dream partner. I WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT!!

I love how you wrote a big Weasley family gathering! I always have all the admiration for authors who tackle these huge Burrow gatherings because there are just so many people who know each other really well, and it can be tricky writing these big group situations, but you did it so well. I love Nana Molly and her cookies and her mothering, and Hermione and Percy and everyone. The characters were really well-written, and well-distinguished from each other. I especially loved Hermione and the Wolfsbane potion. Gah, Dom is SO lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive extended family. Everyone is just so good to her. :)

AND TEDDY PROPOSED. What a lovely speech he made, and I love that he made those references to the garden of their childhood. It's so lovely *SIGHS*. Aw no, DOM IS GOING TO SAY NO! D: Hopefully Teddy'll convince her fully in the next chapter!

I can't wait to read the next bit, and what will happen on the full moon! Great chapter, AD ♥

teh

Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: Hey Nicole! Great to see you back =)

Haha I am glad you suspected something was up as that was my aim xD Ah, don't we all want someone like Teddy? hehe.

It's such a relief to hear you liked the way I wrote the gathering. Trust me, I am not one of those authors who can usually write these huge Burrow gatherings well - I was very very afraid while writing the scene and wasn't sure how it turned out. But your words have put me somewhat at ease and made me happy =) I am pleased you liked how the characters were written including Hermione - she's a major canon character and writing her was another daunting task for me so I am glad it paid off. Dom is very lucky yes =)

I am pleased you liked the speech too - I wrote it off the top of my head with no "planning" at all xD But yes Dom said no.. sorry teddy. *evil laugh*

As for what happens next, you'll have to wait and watch xD

Thank you once again!


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Review #45, by Twinkleflower The Worst Had Happened

12th April 2014:
It has been a while since I have read this story, but I thought I would pick it up again and I am really glad I did. This chapter just seems to tick all the boxes. I love the fact that it was packed full of emotion, which made your characters so believable and real. This was particularly effective at making me feel more connected to Dominique, as I felt her internal emotional struggle as well as her outward emotions. I also thought your dialogue was superbly written, it just drew me right into the thick of it. I am really intrigued to see where you take it from here. A well deserved 10/10.

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for coming back =) I am glad you liked the chapter with the emotions and characters. It's great that you could connect to Dominique. Thank you for all your lovely comments!

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Review #46, by teh tarik A Ray of Light

2nd April 2014:
Hey Aditi!

I'm here for the TGS Review Exchange...last month's, actually, eep. Sorry for the lateness of this; I've been so preoccupied with things, ugh. Anyway, I am SO pleased to finally get the chance to return to your story! I've read most of it, and in this chapter, at last, things are beginning to wrap up, justice is served and all that.

I thought you did a great job maintaining all that tension and drama, as you've done in all the previous chapters. I love how Dominique holds her ground with Delilah, but also how she very nearly goes to pieces in the end; I honestly can't imagine how she must be feeling about the whole thing - it has been a long, hard battle to bring the perpetrator of the crime to justice, and to deal with the effects of her new condition, and it's gratifying to see that despite being pushed to the limit sometimes, she makes it, and that there's a good chance that Delilah will be going to Azkaban.

Speaking of Delilah, wow! She is one completely mental villain! From this chapter, it sounds like Dom has previously done nothing at all to merit such rage and resentment from Delilah - except perhaps to inherit some media attention from her parents. It's not something that she can help, but it's something that Delilah is infuriated about - to think that her lesser employee gets more spotlight than her! And to make things more twisted, Delilah is pretty much the person who hires Dom. Wow. I'm beginning to think that Delilah hired Dom on purpose, either because she wanted to destroy her from the onset (for no reason other than sheer jealousy), or she wanted to compete with Dom's popularity with the wizarding world, and then failed, and then became vengeful and angry and sadistic. I like the way you wrote her emotional arc through this chapter: from indifference, to confusion and feigned ignorance, to rage, and then to the complete breakdown where she goes REALLY INSANE and pretty much confesses to the crime herself. I'm so glad this mad person is getting put away. :P

It's been a great story so far, AD! I'm really curious to see how you'll tie things up, and how you'll conclude things for Dom, now that her life is going to be so different to what it once was. I know you've been super busy, lovely, but I really do hope you'll be able to find a spare moment to write and update! You're SO CLOSE to finishing.

Absolutely great work, AD! ♥

-teh

Author's Response: Hey Nicole!

Thanks for stopping by =)

The story is nearing its end and things are wrapping up but there are just a few more things to be sorted out and it'll be done!

I am pleased you liked the whole tension and drama going on in this chapter. Dominique has a lot to deal with so its nice to know that you liked how I portrayed her feelings over all here.

Delilah is pretty crazy yes. She did hire Dom on purpose - she seized at the opportunity to have a famous person working under her - and well things went downhill from there. It's great that you enjoyed her emotional arc.

Yeah I am really busy but I hope to write a new chapter soon, which will probably be the second last chapter!

Thanks for all your lovely words!


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Review #47, by Lululuna At The Burrow

21st March 2014:
Hi Aditi! :) I'm here for your requested review from like a month ago, I'm really sorry it took this long to get here. :( The Battle really took a lot of my reviewing inspiration and time as I'm sure you can relate to. :P

This was a really wonderful chapter! :) I really like how now that Delilah Jones has been taken care of, Dominique is starting to realize the true, lifelong consequences of what it means to be a werewolf. It's so interesting how she hasn't really thought about it much until now, almost as if she's in denial. So much has happened in the last month, and I feel that she's been busier with solving the mystery and bringing the people who hurt her to justice rather than accepting the everyday reality of the situation. Her confused emotions about her scar were so sad - but I'm glad that Teddy is there to support her and show her that she deserves to love herself for who she is.

I loved the Burrow gathering and that warm, Weasley feeling, from how much food there was to how welcoming and supportive everybody was. But then there was also the darker, more stressful undertone, and I could tell how Dom felt a little uncomfortable and like her family was nervous for her. That seems very realistic, although of course a lot of the worry is in Dominique's head. Her fear of the moon and dwelling on how symbolic it would become reminded me of Remus and his fear of the moon as well.

Hermione was just wonderful here, I think you wrote her very nicely in terms of canon. She had that kind, thoughtful and very perceptive character which I loved about her in the HP books, and I like how her nurturing instincts have grown and shown her to be this very motherly figure who also is good at taking action. Hermione brewing the potion for Dom is just perfect since it took me right back to the Polyjuice potion in Myrtle's bathroom days. :P

It's quite upsetting how the Ministry doesn't have the potion on hand for werewolves - seems like they're just as useless as they've always been, sadly. :( The idea of Dom having to wait for the potion and brewing the potion for her being illegal is just quite corrupt and unfair, and makes me worry for the people who are in similar situations to Dom but might not have the resources she does.

One thing about that conversation which made me curious though, was why Hermione was worried about Arthur being concerned about Hermione breaking the Ministry's rules and giving Dominique the potion? I would imagine that the whole family would want Dom to be as safe and comfortable as possible during her transformation, and Arthur isn't exactly a saint himself considering he hid a magically enhanced flying car. :P I'd be more worried about Percy, personally, since he was a bit of a rule-stickler in the books. So maybe that's something to consider if you edit this chapter as it did confuse me a little. :)

And the proposal! Aw, poor Teddy. :( I suspected something was up the whole chapter, and I was right! :D His proposal was very sweet - I especially liked how he mentioned their first kiss and what the garden at the Burrow meant to them, aw. ♥

That being said, I think Dominique did the right thing in stopping him from proposing. It's sad, and uncomfortable, but I don't think this is the best time for her to have something like this, another change in her life, coming onto her plate. She's about to have her first transformation, she's still coming to terms with herself, and Teddy should know her well enough to wait until she's ready and in a stable and accepting place before putting another thing on her plate, even if it's a happy thing. Dom still has a lot of personal issues and identity problems she needs to cope with, and I think she needs to learn to be herself again. :)

Here are a few little nitpicky things I noticed (feel free to ignore them, of course! :))

her thoughts resuming to the scar... I feel like "resuming" is a bit of an odd word to use in this sentence. "returning to the scar" would make sense, or "she resumed thinking about the scar," because of the kind of verb it is.

hide any part of yours from me... "yours" should be "yourself" I think.

She said excitedly, hugging her sister and ushering them in. Dominique hugged her back then fell into step beside Victoire. I just noticed that these two sentences contradicted one another, the way it reads now is that they hugged, Victoire let them in, Dominique hugged her again, and then they walked in. So it's a little out of order.

Mama thought you are not coming... "are" should be "were."

her father who sat on the sofa... Should be "was sitting on the sofa" because... I think it's called a progressive verb? If he actually did the action of sitting down when she was looking at him then it would fit, but because he's already sitting should be "was sitting." :)

This was a really great chapter, I think one of my favourites so far! I'm looking forward to the next one especially and seeing how Dominique copes with her transformation and how it might change her. I wonder if she might even have a positive experience and realize that being a werewolf is something she can cope with.

Thanks for requesting and I hope you find this review helpful.This was a great read! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

I definitely found this review helpful and I'll look into the things you pointed out, and edit as soon as I get some time =)

I am glad you liked the way I wrote Dominique here and all her emotions. It's also great to know that you found the Weasley gathering realistic as I am not very good with family gathering stuff but it's nice to know you liked it.

It's a relief that you liked Hermione too and felt her tied with canon. Thank you! And yes, the Arthur part, I should change it to Percy! Thanks for the suggestion xD

I quite agree with your thoughts on the proposal. Teddy wanted to bring some happiness into Dom's life with the proposal but he needs to understand that this is really not the best time as Dom is still coming to terms with her new identity. Nonetheless, Dom will explain things to him (or will she? ;)).

Thank you once again for your detailed and thoughtful review =)


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Review #48, by ShadowRose At The Burrow

14th March 2014:
WHAT. NO. YOU CAN'T END A CHAPTER LIKE THAT I AM NOT OK.

*takes a deep breath* I should probably settle myself before I attempt to write a review in all caps. :P

Aww, I love Teddy in this chapter. He's so in love with Dominique, and he shows it in so many ways throughout the chapter - by telling her to let her scar show, insinuating that it's a special night and accidentally almost telling her his plan (I guessed what was going to happen almost immediately at that point and I felt so proud of myself), helping her through her family's weird looks and overconcernedness, and then proposing to her at the end. Gah, that was such a cute proposal and I just want to hug him but I know that's Dominique's job. I can't believe she's saying "no," but I know that'll probably be an important plot point and she has her reasoning, even if it's not the best logic.

I'm so glad that Hermione's stepping in to help! She's so great, and I love that she's going back to her rule-breaking Hogwarts days in order to get this potion for Dominique. "Letís just say that Voldemort wouldnít have died if we had all stayed true to rules and laws" was a beautifully perfect line. It's so true and just made me laugh.

Overall, this was a really great chapter, but you really need to update soon because this cliffhanger might just be the death of me!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 6/20 for opposite house)

heard about Jones been taken away

Author's Response: Haha I am so flattered that you've read your way to the end of this, THANK YOU!

I am glad you liked Teddy here, along with the whole family discomfort thing. The proposal was adorable yes, and her reasoning/logic is definitely flawed and stupid in my opinion but we'll know it later xP

It's nice that you liked the bit with Hermione too, and that line xD

Thanks again! I'll try to update as soon as uni gives me some breathing room!


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Review #49, by ShadowRose A Ray of Light

14th March 2014:
Hey Aditi, I'm back again!

Wow, this is definitely a dramatic chapter. I love how she tries to deny it all at first in order to preserve her innocence, but gradually gets more and more crazy as she realises all the evidence against her. It's so dramatic at by the end as she completely loses it - I love it! She starts off just casually cynical, making a few disparaging comments and accurisng her of being sick and threatening to fire her, but she eventually starts yelling and screaming and trying to make a getaway, which was a really great way to show her descent into madness. Her reasoning, however horrible, definitely seems like something she would view as logical, and I'm glad she got caught for her craziness and everyone knows she's nuts now.

Dominique's gotten so strong as this story has gone on - she's so ruthless here and really lets her anger play a role in intimidating Delilah and getting a confession out of her. I like that she had Teddy ready for back-up - she's definitely done her homework here.

The moment at the end was a great way to wrap it up. After all of the crazy drama, she has a moment of relief to relax with her boyfriend and her best friend, and she almost forgets all of her troubles. After all she's been through, goodness knows she deserved a moment like that.

This was another really great chapter - it was action-packed but came with an immensely satisfying conclusion. I can't wait to see what comes next!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 5/20 for opposite house)

Author's Response: Hey again!

Thanks once more for your lovely review. I am pleased you liked Delilah's evolution of attitude here, or descent into madness as you so aptly described it.

I am pleased you liked Dominique too - she has gotten strong yes. The vulnerable side is still there, but she is pulling herself together.

I am happy you liked the chapter over all along with the conclusion of it. Thanks!


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Review #50, by ShadowRose Meetings and more.

14th March 2014:
Hi Aditi!

I really love Dom's change in attitude in this chapter. While it's horrible that someone plotted to hurt her, it's definitely put a new fire under her belt and brought her back from the self-pity she's been wallowing in for the past few days. She's got a lot of anger to take out, and she definitely does a good job of intimidating Young into giving her what she wants, even if it means pulling the Harry Potter card.

Wilson Young is definitely an interesting character - he seems like a bit of a wreck, and he doesn't have much of a moral compass, now does he? It seems he was just trying to find a way to get by, and he happened to chose something that was a really immoral and horrible idea. His comment to Dominique, however innocent it may have been, definitely shows how prevalent werewolf prejudice is in their society.

It's also really obvious as she's walking into the office, and everyone's kind of scared of her and wants to keep her at arm's length. It's good that Julia, at least, doesn't feel that way, because at least Dominique has someone to turn to in the office. The dynamic between the two of them is great, and their friendship seems really natural and friendly.

I love Dom and Teddy's relationship in this chapter. They're both so protective of one another but also know when to hold down the other one. They work really well as a couple, because they constantly read one another so well.

Ooh, and a confrontation is about to go down. I love the way you've ended this - it's so dramatic! I hope Delilah Jones goes down, because goodness knows she deserves it.

Another really great chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 4/20 for opposite house)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing again! Apologies for late response!

I am glad you like Dom's attitude here. She's still hurting inside but she has decided to distract herself from that at the moment and receive justice. I also enjoyed putting in the Harry Potter card - after all the next-gen should have some advantage of that xP

Young is definitely a wreck. He's lost in life and will do anything to get by. He is someone to be pitied really.

I believe true friends and people who truly love you don't abandon you no matter what and Julia is one of them =)

I am glad you like the relationship of Dom/Teddy too, as well as the dramatic ending.

Thanks!


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