Hello AD! I'm stopping by for Review Tag :)
This is a great little sequel to Ending It. To think, if Teddy and Dominique had parted ways without that last letter, Victoire might never have known, and the wedding might have gone as planned. I like the emotion in this piece--it must be difficult to write with such intensity, but I could really feel the pain that all three of the characters experienced.
A couple of small critiques--I'm a little confused by her name. Wouldn't she be Victoire [middle name] Lupin, with the only change being the last name? I just don't understand why Teddy's name is in there. I also think you made a small error when Victoire accused Dominique of having an affair with her boyfriend--he is her fiance now.
I would love to see you turn this into a trilogy, of sorts, and write about how the rest of the family reacted to the affair and the cancelled wedding. Perhaps it would help bring closure to everyone.
Great job :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing! I always look forward to your reviews!
I am glad that you liked this little piece. It was a plot bunny that attacked me at 5 AM xP
It feels so nice to hear that you think the emotion in the narrative was intense and that you could feel the pain my characters were feeling. I always try to write as much emotional intensity as possible, but somehow I can never be as good as writers like you xP
As for the name issue, many times I hear people saying their name as "Own name-husband name-husband family name" and thus I went with that format. Not sure if it was right or wrong. Oh, and thanks for catching that fiance mistake, I'll correct that right away!
I didn't plan of turning this into a trilogy but now that you have mentioned it, I'll think about it xD Thanks for the idea!
And thanks so much for the review once again! Report Review
Oh god! That was so sad!!! But the story is very well written. Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Its me, Gabbie with your requested review and how could you not ask me to read this sooner? I feel like I've been cheated! Hahah. I have to say that this was amazing, I loved what you've done here and the opening paragraphs are so sweet. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen here since Victoire is so happy but then, well, we found out.
I always found Victoire to be a hard character to write for (Like, George, Dumbledore and so on and so forth) but the fact that she's an NG character gives you freedom to create a whole new world. I might have liked to have seen a bit more of her, maybe a few more quirks or habits to get better into her character. Perhaps you could add in how the family felt while telling what she does for a living? That's all it needs but that's just my opinion, I still loved it! From what I was able to tell, Dom and she aren't as close as she would like and I thought that that was a shame. Especially with what happened! It was cute how excited she was about Dom having a boyfriend but the content! Oh, I could hear her heart breaking and the confrontation between she and Dom was powerful.
I would have liked a brief description of both of the sisters just to see visualize their differences better but I was able to get their personalities regardless.
Oh, Dom...tsk, tsk, tsk.
And then Teddy! Ugh, I wasn't sure what was worse? The fact that he and Dom were together for SEVEN months behind Victoire's back or the fact taht he was marrying her while being in love with her sister! Really?! I don't blame Victoire for going over to his house and from his reaction, he wasn't really all THAT surprised to see her and I was glad that she didn't brush the issue aside for love. :D
Glad for that. Not sure how she would move on but Merlin, what a ride! Not sure what you're going to do with it but keep going, I would read it! I love me some angst! :D
The only other CC I could give and don't think its anything major was just that Teddy's dialogue felt a little too proper. You may or may not want to relax it a little but that's about it for me, I didn't see any huge grammar things. There were one or two but the pacing is great and the range of emotion is fantastic. ;)
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am flattered after reading your review, thanks, hehe. I just posted this story 2 days back so I couldn't have asked you sooner xP
The opening parts are always the hardest for me to write, so I am relieved to know you liked them and they set the story onward for you!
Well, I usually tend to not elaborate much on characters in my writing, rather let readers interpret the characters themselves, thus the lack of "facts"/habits etc about Vic. But still, if I ever do an edit, I'll try to add in more quirks or habits of hers, and other details.
It is good to know you found the confrontation powerful as I struggled a bit while writing it. Its a relief you got both the sisters' personalities even though I didn't provide much detail on either of them, as that was my aim.
I see Victoire as a strong proud woman and she wouldn't throw away her dignity and self-respect just because of love. So, I am glad you're glad for that xD
You are free to read the prequel to this, its called "Ending It", its angst too, and it shows Dom's side of story =) As of now, I haven't thought about going further with this, but lets see!
Hmm, I'll see what I can do for Teddy's dialogue. Thanks for the comment!
Thanks again for reading & reviewing!
Love, AD Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection