Reading Reviews for Ending It
  
43 Reviews Found

Review #26, by watchoutfornargles Ending it

16th March 2012:
Hi :) The sentence "Teddy and she were best friends." should be "She and Teddy were best friends." This sentence "They had been since the past three years; since the day he’d come and confessed to her that he still liked Victoire, even after dating her back in the Hogwarts days for a brief period and then she having broken up with him, and that he needed her help to woo her sister once again. " needs to be reworded. It's kind of a run on, so what I suggest is changing it to "They had been since the past three years; since the day he’d come and confessed to her that he still liked Victoire, even after dating her back in the Hogwarts days for a brief period. She had broken up with him, and he needed her help to woo Victoire once again." This (I love you Dom, you know I do, it's just that I love her too, and unfortunately I think I love her more than I love you. ) is also a kind of run on, so I think you should change it to "I love you Dom, you know I do, it's just that I love her too, and unfortunately I think I love her more."
On a non-editorial note, I really like this story. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for reading & reviewing, and giving me all the little pointers to improve my story. I will do an edit soon :) And I am glad you liked it!

Thanks!


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Review #27, by LeCygneNoir Ending it

12th March 2012:
Hey, LeCygne here with your review.

First, my overall, personal appreciation. To be honest, it wouldn't be the kind of story I'd spontaneously write or read. But there may be a great deal of machism in that.
Anyway, it's still very pleasantly written, so it was not going to prevent me from reviewing.

In order to put that aside as fast as I can and go on with compliments, my main problem: you barely skim the surface of your text's potential by yourself.
This text would be the perfect introduction for something longer, but as a one-shot, it lacks deepness. The movement is alright, you went through god changes and perturbations. But you go too fast with them. Way too fast.
We have barely the time to seize any psychological insight you hint that you've changed them with your next move.
As a whole, it leaves us with the impression of a pleasant but unfinished business we have to fill with our own clichés. The frustration is even greater because it's obvious you designed your character deeply, and only gave us a glimpse.


Apart from that pacing issue -I recommend fewer moves or longer text- your writing it self is good. The way you introduce descriptions, in the flow of your text, is perfect for a one-shot. We picture the ambiance well, with descriptions and general rythm and tone, wich is excellent.

Sorry for being harsh, that's kind of my style, and I deserve no less...But again, I'm never harsh with hopeless writers, only with those who can improve greatly.

Happy writing!

Author's Response: Hey!

First off, thanks a lot for reading & reviewing this, especially when it's not the kind of story you usually write/read. I'm happy you think it's pleasantly written, thanks :)

Hmm, I was afraid over the deepness, but I admit I'm a little careless person when it comes to details, yet I'll try and see what I can do to give my text more potential, and enhance its density.
I am a fast paced person, and I feel lingering too long becomes draggy, that's the way it is for me when I read, so it comes out in my writing. I'm afraid I can't do much about that :( Yet I appreciate your comments.
Well, it was supposed to be a one-shot, and I essentially think of one-shots as glimpses/scenes from a story, and not as an independent story on itself, so I write that way. I'm sorry for your frustration though, I'll see what I can do when I edit :)

I am glad to know you think my writing is good, and the descriptions & flow is good for a one-shot, and you find the ambiance well along with the tone & rhythm. That makes me feel that I haven't completely disappointed you with the story, so thank you :)

It's okay, I don't mind harsh, and I appreciate your critical comments. I always welcome constructive criticism. I'll keep your comments in mind when I do an edit of the story.

Thank you again for reading & reviewing :)


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Review #28, by LivingFairytale Ending it

12th March 2012:
Hiya! It's LivingFairytale from the forums with your requested review.

So let's start. I already said in my thread; I'm not very fond of next-gen. Not because I don't like it, actually because I know so little about it.. I never read a good next gen fic, so I think that's why I don't like it, but hey, I'm open minded, so i'll read everything. But I think you might have changed my opinion on next-gen fics..

I absolutely loved this! It was touchy, beautifully written and the characters seemed so real, so believable. I loved how you started off with a flash back, it fits in very well and it didn't bore me one second, it just kept me reading on.

I totally ran out of words, wow.. the moment Teddy told Dominique that he'd proposed to Victoire.. it was like my own heart broke, it was so sad.. Why can't he just stay with her? I'm sorry, I'm gonna cry in a corner now, lol. I've never read a next-gen story that drew me in like this, I've never read a story that made my emotions run wild. What an amazing one shot.

Well done, and thank you for letting me review such a wonderful one-shot. Keep up the great work!
- Livingfairytale

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for reading & reviewing!

Wow I am so thrilled if I was able to change your opinion on next-gen fics. I didn't used to be a big next-gen fan myself, but then I thought, hey its something we don't know about, means its a blank canvas, and you can paint anything you want! xD

I am so happy that you found this touchy, beautifully written and believable. And I'm relieved to know that the flashback made sense and didn't bore you :)

Aw, I am pleased to know that my story evoked your emotions, that's one of the highest compliments an author can get :)

Thanks a ton for your wonderful review!!


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Review #29, by atellam Ending it

25th February 2012:
Yay for review swaps! ^_^

Alright, i'm going to jump straight in, so just bare with me, yes? Yes. :P

+ Teddy and she were best friends.
- I think this would be better as: 'She and Teddy were best friends.'

+'They had been since the past three years; since the day he’d come and confessed to her that he still liked Victoire, even after dating her back in the Hogwarts days for a brief period and then she having broken up with him, and that he needed her help to woo her sister once again.'
- This sentence is really long, and confusing. You'd be better off breaking it up into smaller ones, such as: "They'd been friends for the past three years; since the day he'd come to her confessing that he still had feelings for Victoire, even though they'd broken up after she'd left Hogwarts. He'd needed help to woo her sister once again, and Dom had agreed, not knowing she'd find her best friend in Teddy, while he maintained the on-off relationship with her sister." Something like that maybe? It's up to you. I just think it works better.

+“Three days later. On her birthday.”
- 'Three days later' is past tense, while they are discussing the future. It doesn't quite make sense. Something like:
"On her birthday..."

"That's in three days..." she murmured, and as the news sunk in, Dom felt as though her legs might give way beneath her. The air was gone from her lungs and all she wanted to do was hold Teddy Lupin and never let him go.'

Something like that. I feel having Dom say that it's three days away makes more sense, as Teddy being like, 'Oh, i'm going to propose to her in three days' doesn't sound right. It flows better with Dom saying it I think. But again, it's up to you. The rest of the sentences are fine, you just might want to look over those, as they interrupt the flow.

Characterisation - This was wonderful, and the flashback was excellently done. You really showed depth with the characters and Teddy was perfect, you really got a sense of why Dom felt that way towards him. In short, this was great.

Pacing and Flow - This was also great. Aside from the sentences I pointed out above, this flowed really well. The pacing was fine, as it was a one-shot, and really only one scene with a flash back, so there isn't anything to worry about, as such. As I said before, i'd just focus on those few sentences I pointed out, as they were a bit awkward, but other than that, this was fine :)

Dialogue - This was great, particularly at the beginning, although towards the end, I felt it became a bit forced. Not too much though, as it didn't interrupt my reading, but if you go back and edit those first few sentences, i'd have a play with the dialogue towards the end. Thought I won't worry about it too much, and wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't been reading it with a critical eye.

Description - This was absolutely beautiful in the flashback, the way you described the rain was just wonderful. It flowed well and really helped establish the scene. A sentence here or there though in the scene in the room would be great, although it works alright without.


Overall, I really enjoyed this, and am so glad that I offered to do this review swap, otherwise I don't think I ever would have read a pairing such as this one. You have a wonderful way of writing, and I am also just going to say that your banner is beautiful. ^_^

Anyway, well done and keep it up!
- Adele :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing! I'll keep all your comments in mind when I do an edit. They are very valuable to me :)

And I'm very glad you think my characters were "perfect", and that you found the flashback wonderful :)

Good to know the pacing and flow was fine as well, and I'll keep your pointers in mind xD

As for the dialogue, i'll see what I can do about the end. Thank you anyway :)

I'll see if I can add more description as well, though I'm glad overall you liked it, especially the flashback.

I am flattered to know that you think I have a wonderful way of writing. Thank you :) ..as for the banner, all credit goes to the artist :D

You're a great reviewer, giving so many details, thanks a lot for taking the time & effort to go through my story!! And I'm awfully sorry for the time I've taken to respond to this kind and constructive review :)

Cheers!
AD


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Review #30, by CloakAuror9 Ending it

25th February 2012:
Aww.. :'( That was a bit..okay.. A LOT sad! I'm tearing up! It was really so nice of Dom to let Teddy go like that and she knows the truth. Teddy and Victoire will always be together, no matter what, and for Dom to understand is just amazing.

I really love your characterisations and the way you write. Everything is so awesome in this story! :D 10/10

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading & reviewing. I am flattered this made you tear up. I am glad you liked the plot and the characterizations. Thanks a lot :)

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Review #31, by TheSmexyOC Ending it

19th February 2012:
This was beautiful! It's hard to find good Teddy/Dominique, and you have quite literally nailed it... any chance of writing something like this again? I'll keep watch!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! I am glad you find this good! Well, no plans as of yet, but I might write something like this in the near future :)

Thank you!


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Review #32, by EnigmaticEyes16 Ending it

12th February 2012:
Aw, this was a sad story. I think you portrayed Dominique and Teddy pretty well. I always picture Victoire to be prim and proper and Dominique to be the wild child, even though she didn't seem that wild in this one-shot.

I would have liked to have seen maybe a glimpse though of her and Victoire's sisterly relationship. It seemed sort of lacking that she would do that to her sister without it. Maybe if there was a scene with Victoire sort of Teddy-centered but not with Teddy where we could see them interact and see how the sisters treat each other. I think something like that would have really helped make your story better than it already is.

Like I said, it was sad, and you did a really good job of putting across the sadness from the very beginning. I liked how in the end she did put an end to their relationship so as to not to continue hurting her sister. This one-shot was very well written and I think you did a really good job with it.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: I am glad you think I portrayed them too well. Well I didn't show dominique's wild side in this, because it was a sad theme, but I tried to show that she does have a wild side with that little flashback :)

Hmm, I didn't want to make the one shot too long, and my prime focus was Teddy & Dom, that's why I didnt show more about the 2 sisters relationship, but maybe when I do an edit, I'll throw in a flashback about them somewhere :D

I am glad you liked it overall, and the end, and you find it well-written. Thank you for your comments :)



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Review #33, by louise_loves_hp Ending it

11th February 2012:
Hey
I liked that I could really feel the way Dominique was feel though the way that you wrote. I enjoyed the flash back it really pulled me into the story just to know what was going to happen to them. Its sad that she was left heartbroken and the way that you expressed that fact I really liked. It was really enjoyable story.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading & reviewing! Glad to know you could feel Dominique's emotions and that you liked the story. Thanks :)

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Review #34, by lizmusic45 Ending it

10th February 2012:
I hated Teddy. I hated the fact he cheated, I hated the fact he strung her along. I hate the fact that people never consider if he's cheating on his girlfriend, what makes me different. I hate stories about cheating because it ruins people, it kills people, it makes bad things happen.

Your writing was brilliant! You capture emotion so well, that I'm really amazed. Brilliant job, I just want to cry right now, but really your a great writer.

Lizzie

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Aw I hate the cheating thing too, it does make bad things happen. But its just a story.

Thank you for your comments! I am glad that you think my writing was brilliant and that I almost made you cry with my writing.

Thanks!


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Review #35, by slytherinchica08 Ending it

7th February 2012:
Aw this was such a bittersweet story and I absolutely loved it! I loved the characterization of Teddy and Dom and loved the relationship that you picked out (for lack of a better word) it was just so wonderful and sad and cute and I LOVED IT! Sometimes we just need those bittersweet stories where the girl doesn't get the guy or something bad happens to them and this was a wonderful oneshot that captured this. I loved when he said you're just so you, it was just so sweet! Ok before i gush on and on about how much i loved your plot, I'll tell you about the writing in general. I thought it was good, you did a great job with description and it all flowed really well together even when you went from past to present! Again I really enjoyed this piece you did a great job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Aw thanks a lot for such a sweet review!! I love reviews with gushing, they make me feel all mushy and nice hehe :D

I am glad you loved the plot, and as you said, sometimes we just do need these bittersweet stories. I am flattered that you loved so much about my little story, from my writing to the characterization to the flow.

Your review made me smile. Thanks a ton!

cheers!
AD


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Review #36, by academica Ending it

5th February 2012:
Hey AD! I really like this concept -- I don't know if I've ever read a Teddy/Dom (no, really) and I like Dom being used as the "other woman". It definitely adds a new dimension to the tale.

I really like the "kiss in the rain" scene. It didn't have a cliched feel, which I was a little afraid of given the romantic connotation that has been attached to moments like that. I thought the moment between Teddy and Dom felt very natural and realistic, and you could tell that the romance between them had been building up for quite some time.

The second part of this didn't flow quite as well, though it wasn't bad. I think that block of text when Teddy was explaining to Dom why he needed to marry Victoire might be better if it's broken up a bit and you add in some description of how Teddy and Dom are acting and what Dom is thinking as she hears everything he says. I also thought your phrasing was a little awkward at one point - "three days later" sounds better as "three days from now".

However, I do think you handled the emotions in that scene well, and it's a hard thing to write, so kudos to you! I especially liked how you had Dom insist that they break up and then break down when Teddy mentioned the proposal. It may seem contradictory to some readers, but I think those conflicted feelings are very realistic for someone who really goes through a scenario like it. It's like she was brave at first, and then as soon as she lost control and the truth hit her, she wanted to retreat back into the place where she was happy. It adds real dimension to her character and you wrote it well.

Nice job! Good luck with the challenges!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey academica! Thanks a lot for your (as always) valuable review :)

I am glad you liked it and found how I handled it, realistic. The concept was something that I'd come across in many fics but most of them portray Dom as someone evil, someone who is destroying her sister's life, so I wanted to show her in a different light where she's sacrificing her love for Teddy for her sister. I am happy to know it worked!

The kiss in the rain scene was something with which I struggled, so I am glad to know that it turned out well.

I think I might have rushed in the second part, as you said Teddy's speech. Thanks a lot for your comments, and I'll edit it soon, and do the required changes. You really did help me there to find out what was off :)

I am also flattered to know that you find the entire ordeal so realistic, and that you took so much time to mull over it, so thank you.

Thanks once again for your generous review, and for the wishes!

Love,
AD


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Review #37, by MyMyMiss Ending it

5th February 2012:
Miss Angie!! Helloo!!! :D

So I actually read this, a little while ago - like I told you, and I would have to say that this is one of your better fics!! It is simply lovely.

Your descriptions of how they meet, kissed, how it ended, everything was simply perfect. I hate Teddy/DomorTeddy/Victorie as we both know, however I took the liberity of reading this cause I love you, and It really was quite good.

He loves Dom, but her sister more - I really felt sorry for Dom, the poor thing was so heart broken and yet what could she do? She was just the other women!!

Lovely one-shot.. :D

10/10

Love Karni, ox.

Author's Response: Karni xx

Thanks a lot for your awesome-y awesome review honey! I am glad you think its one of my better pieces, and that you find it 'lovely' :)

Aw I love you too and I am so happy that you read it even though you don't like the Teddy/dom/victoire thing!

Yeah that's true. I feel sad for her too.. poor thing.

But over all, thanks again for you sweet review. I love you pumpkin xx

Love,
Angie


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Review #38, by feathers101 Ending it

3rd February 2012:
I loved that so much. The end was so sad!

Author's Response: thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #39, by seeminglyharmless Ending it

3rd February 2012:
Oh my... wow.
Never read a Teddy/Dominique like it before

Author's Response: Aw thank you for reading & review :)

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Review #40, by padmoonyfoot7 Ending it

2nd February 2012:
quite good, I think you've written them very well together and you show great chemistry between them.
Keep up the good work!!

padmoonyfoot7: over and out!!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Glad to know that you think so :)

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Review #41, by Spaz Ending it

1st February 2012:
This was really good,I enjoyed it very much. The intesity on the sadness really made it captivating. Amazing job! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the read and review! I am glad you liked it all :)

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Review #42, by Roots in Water Ending it

1st February 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

Even though I don't usually enjoy reading stories involving cheating, I think that this story was well written. You didn't glorify cheating and you had them realize that they were hurting others. I hope, for their sakes, that Victoire never learns of Teddy's romantic relationship with her sister.

I think that you characterized them well and did a great job of showing their emotional conflict. I could definitely feel Teddy's confusion and conflicting emotions during his big speech even though I did want to tell him that he couldn't love them both at the same time, and I could see why Dominique would love him. Luckily, they both seemed to realize what they were doing and I think that you did a good job of handling Dominique's feelings. She was obviously in a difficult spot (loving her sister's boyfriend) and yet had the maturity to realize her mistakes and do the right thing. I think that your last line was especially powerful- she knew that she would have to face the rest of her life with her love for Teddy hidden in the shadows. You did a great job of creating pity for her.

I also liked how you created the contrast between the sisters, though they were mainly superficial details. Where one was prim and proper the other was wild and carefree- you did a great job of showing this contrast with your descriptions and her actions.

I did notice a few small typos that can be easily fixed: with the sentence "had been since the past three years" I think that it would flow better if you replaced "since" with "for". As well, with "Three days later" I don't think that "later" is the best word for this situation... Perhaps "from now" instead? Furthermore, I would switch the "I've" in "I know I've to choose" to "I have" and the "shattered" in "her heart shattered" to "shattering". Finally, I noticed that often after dialogue you didn't capitalize the next word (like with "her voice broke"- it should be "Her") even though you should- I would just go through and change that.

All in all, I think that you did a great job of bringing these characters and their situation to life. You portrayed their feelings very well and in such a way that I felt sorry for them (especially Dominique). Life really does suck sometimes. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Hello there!!

First off, thanks a lot for your review :)

I am glad that you chose to read & review my fic even though you don't usually read this kind of stuff, makes me feel good :) I hope so too that Vic never finds about Teddy and Dom! :D

I am relieved to know that the characterizations came out well, and you could see & understand what I was trying to portray, and feel Teddy and Dom's mixed emotions, and that you could sympathize with Dom.

I wasn't focusing much on the sister-sister contrast but now you mention it, I am glad to know something that was in the back of my mind came to notice automatically through the descriptions and actions.

I'll do an edit soon and keep your pointers in mind, give it a re-read and fix the errors. Thanks a lot for taking the time and effort to point them out, I appreciate it :)

Your comments were definitely helpful! I know its a tired phrase, but your review really made my day. Thanks so much once again!

Cheers!
AD


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Review #43, by the_edge_of_love Ending it

30th January 2012:
I'm really glad I've read this: it's such a lovely story!

I've read Victoire/Teddy/Dominique fics before, all from Dom's POV like here, however, I must say that none of them was like yours. The way you chose to write this topic made the story different from everything else.

It's mainly Teddy's character that changes things: he's not a saint, he's not the one being played by Victoire. Instead he's a man with faults who, like everyone else makes mistakes. He very simply loved two women, but he's not confused: he knows what and why, and he's not trying to fool neither Dominique neither himself (the paragraph in which he explains himself is my favorite). Your Teddy is a very mature character, but he's also an honest one, and this is a great quality (and a very original characterization for this type of fic, I might add).

Other than that, I was sad to see Victoire being once again characterized as vain and spoiled, as well as being a person who cares more about her looks than Teddy. However, I believe you managed to present her in a better way than most people by doing two very important things:
(a) writing this wonderful Teddy speech! &hearts
(b) having Dominique not to hate her sister. In most fics, Dom goes all about how Victoire doesn't deserve Teddy, and how naive he is to love her, but here she understands how he feels for her sister and she feels horrible for what she's doing. I always appreciate some reality in stories, so I'll say once again that this makes her a very real character.

I really liked this! It was interesting, well-written and has all those endearing qualities I've mentioned above;)

~ Angie

Author's Response: Hey Angie!!

First off, guess what? we share the same name! Well not exactly, because only my friends call me Angie (otherwise my name is Aditi and many call me AD) but still :D

Secondly, thanks a lot for your sweet review!!

I am glad you think of my story as lovely, and you think that the way I wrote this concept is different from everything else you've read before. That makes me feel really nice :)

Yes that's true, Teddy is not perfect, he's neither good nor bad, he's just a man helpless by his feelings, and he's straightforward. I am happy to know that you gave so much thought to it, and you could understand what I was portraying so well. Original? Really? OMG thank you! I love it when someone tells me a character was original! :D

Hmm, well i know victoire being spoilt is a very common thing, but I had to show the contrast between the sisters, so it was essential for my fic. Sorry to disappoint you!
Still I am glad that you think I managed to show her in a better way! I liked writing Teddy's speech, I think it added a lot to his character, and good to know you liked it as well. I also think its unrealistic for Dom to hate her sister, after all they're sisters, so I chose to show how much Dom loved victoire rather than hate. Again you made me smile by saying it was all real!!

Thanks again for your wonderful review!!!


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