Reading Reviews for Perfect: That is Me.
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Arithmancy_Wiz Perfect: That Is Me.

30th November 2011:
Hi, adluvshp. I'm here to fill your review request. As the story isn't very long, my review may be a bit short but I hope I can still offer you some helpful feedback.

First, in your request you asked if the story made sense/worked for the challenge and I think the answer to both is most definitely yes. I think you picked the right kind of character for this challenge. Pansy is very distinct and you gave her a strong (albeit unlikable :P) personality and it was clear not only who she was but just exactly where in the books this scene would fit in. It was clearly written and crafted so no worries there.

I also thought you had some great lines and details in this story. I thought the opening sentence was particularly strong and I liked the reference to the "plush green sofa" and the line "If there was one thing that could lift my spirits, it was looking at my own reflection." There were a few areas where I thought you could have added a bit more detail, for example, you say there are "accessories" near the mirror. Accessories is a pretty vague term and it's hard to imagine in my head what you are referring to. Even a word like "cosmetics" or "school supplies" conjures up a more distinct image, if you didn't want to actual list individual items at that point.

There were also a few odd word choices/ordering in some of your sentences that interrupts the flow. They aren't a huge deal but I thought I'd point out just a few so you are aware of them:

How much ever I liked being the centre of attention, tonight I wasn't in the mood. - Should be: However much I liked...

I contemplated on what to say to him. - Should be: I contemplated what to say to him.

Thanks for sharing your story with me!

Author's Response: Hi!!

Thanks a lot for your kind review!!

I am glad to know that it made sense, and Pansy was recognizable and her personality was crafted well. That was the most I was worried about :)

Good to know you liked my descriptions too :)

I'll do an edit soon and keep your comments in mind (I think you're right about the accessories), and thanks for those corrections!

Your review was definitely very helpful!! thanks a lot once again!!

cheers!
AD


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Review #27, by javct Perfect: That Is Me.

27th November 2011:
Here with your review :)

It's Pansy! It's Pansy! It's Pansy! Is it Pansy??
If it is Pansy then you portrayed her well. Her needing to be flawless and perfect was spot on and so was her longing to impress everyone (especially Draco)

Your imagery and description was beautiful :) I could honestly imagine what was going on when I was reading it. Congratulations, as well, on writing a story without mentioning any names (I'm too scared to give it a try). It is defiantly a hard task and you did it really well :)
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hi!!

Haha yes it is Pansy :D

I am glad you think I portrayed her well and the description/imagery was good. I was scared to write it too; happy that I was able to pull it off.

Thanks a lot for your review :)


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Review #28, by Cassius Alcinder Perfect: That Is Me.

25th November 2011:
It's me from the forums with your review!

Ok so I think its fairly obvious that the main character is Pansy Parkinson. You did a really good job at capturing her personality. The pride and conceit she has really come accross, as well as the disdain and condesencion she feels towards Hermione and the Gryffindors. I always thought Pansy was pretty similar to the girls in Mean Girls, and I really got that vibe here as well.

You could really she how self sbsorbed she is when she was expecting to get all Draco's attention, not caring at all about what his mission was or what kind of danger he might be in.

Honestly she's not a very likable character, but you did a really good job of portraying her and showing her personality without directly telling who it was.

Author's Response: Hey!
Yep, you're right, it's Pansy xD Someone would be really dumb if they can't guess that, haha :P

Your reviews make me smile :) Thank you for such a sweet review. I am glad that you think I captured her character well, showing her conceited and self absorbed side.

Thanks a lot!!


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Review #29, by erg8 Perfect: That Is Me.

25th November 2011:
Pansy Parkinson. Boyfriend=Draco. Like you said, obvious. But fun to read1

Author's Response: haha yep you're right! thanks a lot for reading & reviewing, glad you liked it!

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Review #30, by OwlCityChickXHp Perfect: That Is Me.

24th November 2011:
That's actually really cool with no names and everything, but it was DEFINITELY Pansy Parkinson.

Very nicely written, especially seeing as not naming a person gives need for more description to make them recognizable.

Cheers!

Author's Response: Haha you're right. It is Pansy :)

I'm glad you liked this and think it was nicely written. Thank you so much!! :)


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