Bah Astoria's such a little cutie, I just want to hug her! I love what an obviously kind person she is, she's sweet and brave and so very sure of herself! I really enjoyed the peak into her mind, as well as the small hints of what Daphne was already like.
The idea of witnessing Lucius through an eleven year old's eyes is really terrifying. He would probably seem so scary, especially since her father is warm and loving.
Hufflepuff was such a new choice! I thought for sure she'd be in Ravenclaw!
I really enjoyed this second installment, this is such a great look into the starting point of her magical world. And of course I want to know how she ended up marrying the man who she is currently pitting as a little boy.
It was refreshing to see Astoria in anywhere but Slytherin, because, as you said, we never actually find out in canon. I'm curious as to your own head canon of her, now!
Thanks for the lovely read!Author's Response: Hey!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked my Astoria, and enjoyed the story. Well, in my head, Astoria is always a Hufflepuff, so I put her in there xD
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Okay. This is a really, really cool short story collection idea. Haha, it's just so creative and different. I love the sorting ceremony, it's one of my favorite things about the books, and you captured Hat's voice perfectly! I was reading him in the Harry Potter movies voice, just so you know ;).
I like that she was so nervous, but you could tell it was family pressure that was scaring her, not so much what she wanted. Which is really the story of her life, isn't it?
You captured her emotions, her mixture of anxiety and relief once it called her name, then her constant desire to seem in control (which really would be difficult for an eleven year old) very well!
This was such a great first installment, and I think you've also selected a wonderful group to sort!!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked my story idea, and find it creative and different :) I am relieved to know that you think I captured the Hat's voice perfectly xD
Yes, sadly it is the story of her life, at least to what I think.
I am glad you think that I captured all her various emotions well. Thanks!
Thank you once again for your generous review, I am glad you enjoyed this :) Report Review
Alright so I love myself a good sorting story, and I thought this one was just as good as the next.
Your characterization was rather impressive. Sortings give us a good opertunity to really bring out certain traits in characters, and I thought you the ones that you brought out in Narcissa seemed right on point. The way she felt like she had to stay perfect with the stick straight posture and the expresionless mask was great.
The one thing I might work on would be the wording of things. You had a tendency to repeat words. For example in the last paragraph you said:
"Andromeda smiled at her youngest sister and Narcissa gave her a small but grateful smile"
You see how you repeated the word smile? Well when I read that sentence it feels awkward to me because of the use of the word smile twice.
Also the hats diction. Overall I thought it was good, and it seemed to be appropriate for the hat, but this one line bothered me:
"I can see you’re going to be one of those extraordinary Slytherins who will bring a change."
This sentence just doesn't seem like something the hat would say. Or rather its not how he would say it. I feel like something more like "Ah I see you will bring your house greatness, you shall." seems more fit. That's probably a terrible example, but point is the hat was made in the time of the founders, and so when he talks he should either talk like with dialouge a man in the Founder's era could uise, or just sound older, like the way Olivander or Dumbledore would talk to Narcissa. If that makes sence, hopefullly it does.
Anywho this was a great read. It was very interesting to see what was going on inside Narcissa's head when being sorted.
Keep up the great work!
-BW24Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and leaving such a detailed review!
I am glad to know that you found my characterization impressive and liked my Narcissa. Thanks.
Oh, I never realized that I was repeating words! Thanks so much for pointing that out. I will work on it =)
Naw that's not a terrible example, I see what you're trying to explain. I shall work on the Hat's words, thanks for pointing them out to me =)
I am happy you found this interesting, thanks! Report Review
I thought this story idea was really creative, and loved how Scorpius wasn't put in Slytherin:)Author's Response: I am glad you thought so, thank you so much for reading & reviewing! Report Review
Aww. This was short but very nice. I enjoyed reading into the relationship between Scorpius and his mother. I could tell right off the bat that he didn't seem much like a Slytherin. I loved the reaction of silence from the hall at his sorting, I thought that was funny, and how the headmistress had to clap first for him to get any applause. I know you don't say it's McGonagall, but I could just see her clearing her throat very pointedly and signalling everyone to clap. This was a nice end to your story, and I really enjoyed it.
~green with envy 2012~Author's Response: Hey! I am glad you liked this. I am happy you could understand Scorp and see he wasn't a slytherin, and that you liked the reaction after the sorting. Yes the headmistress was McGonagall, glad you got that too :D
I am happy you enjoyed my story. Thanks for reading & reviewing! Report Review
Hey AD! Slytherin Review Tag brought me here :)
I'm glad I got a chance to come back and read the last part of this. I really liked your characterization of all three Malfoys. I thought Draco was appropriately distant and quiet, and I really liked that you made Astoria so kind and patient with her son. You can tell that she really loves him, and I think Draco's willingness to marry a Hufflepuff says a lot about how much he's grown up here, too. Scorpius, of course, was really adorable in his nervousness. I liked how he worried so much about the sorting and then found himself in a "good" house almost before he had time to think about it.
academicaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing!
I am happy to know that you liked my characterizations of all three Malfoys. I struggled somewhat with the story as I tend to make my characters OOC but I am relieved that you think I pulled them off :)
Your analysis on Astoria, Draco and Scorpius is perfect, just the way I had thought out while writing them. Nothing pleases me more than a reader getting my characters the way I want them to :)
Thanks a lot!!! Report Review
awee (: This is really good! Scorpius was my favorite :D I am very glad that he was not put into slytherin (which sounds weird) But I would assume that he was Raised much diffrent Than Draco, so then it is no suprize that he was in a diffrent house. Okay I am done ranting now. But It was great! kay Bye!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for such a sweet review :) I am glad Scorp was your fav, he's mine too! I also thought along the same lines that his upbringing was very different from Draco's, so I put him in Ravenclaw. Thanks a lot again! Report Review
I don't often read stories with Narcissa being a little girl but I think you've captured her quite nicely here. The amount of pressure any Black family member feels must've been tremendous and I think you make it clear here. Not only does she have her mother's expectations but her siblings and cousins as well. It's a lot riding on an eleven-year-old's shoulders and you showed it well.
I especially liked how you captured the Sorting Hat's voice. It was just like out of the book, where the Hat would tease the poor child with going to a different house but also being wise and all-knowing at the same time.
Slipping Andromeda in there was surprising to me. I kind of forget that she's related to these girls. I also would've thought she would've been sorted to a different House considering which team she ended up on. But hey, I liked it!
I've been reading this story a little bit backwards but it seems to suit well given that the stories are related but not :)
xCharAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing!
I am glad you found Narcissa's characterization as a little girl good enough, and that you think I showed her feelings and conflicts well.
I was a bit worried about writing the Sorting Hat right, but thank you, I am so relieved to know that you think I did that right.
Well as far as canon goes, Andromeda was in Slytherin, though she was softer than her other sisters, she was still proud, ambitious and went after what she wanted (Ted) which are slytherin traits :)
Haha, it is fine if you read backwards because as you said they're not really related.
Thanks once again for your sweet review! Report Review
Heya! I decided it wouldn’t harm me to start at the last chapter of this short story collection because it seemed that they would stand on their own pretty much. And I saw that the last chapter was newly up so wanted to help you with taking a look at this new chapter!
How interesting that we’re taking the Malfoys’ point of view of the Epilogue. It isn’t even something that I’ve ever thought out. It’s fun to take the same scene and see it from a different point of view. It adds more to the canon in my mind.
A couple of things:
The train [hooted] at that moment - I think a train more “whistles” than “hoots”
then began levitating his son’s luggage to on to the train. - missing “get”?
Astoria mentioning that she was in Hufflepuff makes me want to go and read her story now. Usually Astoria is in Slytherin and so it’s interesting to see you put it differently!
That’s so adorable that Scorp’s actually read Hogwarts: A Revised History before he came to Hogwarts! It’s different to take him as the studious type when fanon makes him the player all the time! :) Also, nice touch with revising the name of the book!
Ravenclaw! How appropriate for your Scorpius! Also, gah! With the no clapping bit. I mean, I could see how they’d all be surprised but let’s not scare the 10-year-old!
This was a lovely little story and I look forward to being able to read about his mother’s and grandmother’s sorting :)
xCharAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing! I am glad you think so.. I didn't keep canon in mind while writing but it just happened xD
Thanks for the tip! I'll do the correction while editing!
I always like to do things differently.. so I'm glad you like the fact of Astoria being in Hufflepuff!
I was tired of having Scorpius as the Player, and somehow I felt that he'd be the quiet, subdued, reading type so yeah xD
Haha true. I am so glad you liked my little pice over all. Thanks again! Report Review
I really liked this one too. Scorpius is adorable xD And I think even the characters that don't get a lot of attention in this chapter- McGonagall who I presume was the strict looking headmistress, the Sorting Hat and Scorp's parents- all seem fully characterised and well written. I like that you differed from the norm and put him in Ravenclaw, it seemed to suit him :)
The only way I could say to improve would be to maybe put in a little of what happens on the Hogwarts Express. Who does he sit with, how does his feelings change about the school? He seems to be in the same place in his mind as when he's at the Platform- I think by the time first years get there they might be more excited than nervous :)
Great job! :D 8/10Author's Response: Hi!
I am glad you liked this too :D I always try to keep balance between my characters, and it's nice to know that you think the characterizations were good from Scorpius to the Hat. I have always felt that Ravenclaw would have been the house for him too, and yeah it does kind of suit him. I really didn't want to put him in Slytherin xD
Well, I imagine Scorpius to be a quiet and shy boy, so I don't think his train journey would be eventful. According to me, he would have sat alone in a compartment lost in his thoughts, and that's why he's in the same place in his mind when he arrives at Hogwarts. However, I shall think over what you said.
Thank you so much for reading & reviewing! Report Review
I remember reading the first two chapters a while back, and I was glad to see you updated this!
So I just realized that Scopius' arrival at the platform was the same scene was got to see in the epilogue, just from a different perspective. I liked how you had Draco silently nod, like he did in the book, that was a nice tie in to canon.
I also like how you're able to write 11 year old characters in a way that seems to fit their age well.
And as for the ending, what a surprise! I don't think I've ever seen him sorted in any house other than Slytherin. It's one of those things that everybody just assumes and it becomes sort of canon, but of course, we never find out what house he was actually sorted into. Maybe he was actually the surrpise sorting instead of Albus.
Very interesting story!Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much for reading & reviewing, once again xD
Yeah, to tell the truth I realized that my scene matched the scene in the Epilogue right now when I read your review. I seldom write canon, but I'm glad it accidentally matched hehe.
I like to get into my characters' head when I write them, and try to keep it as realistic to their age as possible, and I am glad it turned out well.
I always love to surprise my readers :D I know everyone assumes him to be in Slytherin (and a few where he's a Gryffindor - really strange) but I somehow picture him in Ravenclaw. In fact I picture both him and Rose in ravenclaw.
Anyway, thank you so much for your kind review :)
Another good chapter. Though you did take me by surprise with Scopi's sorting. Not many other people have sorted him into Ravenclaw before in their stories.
I take it the idea that you got concerning the girl I mentioned in my last review never fitted in anywhere? Oh well never mind. 10/10.Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for the kind read and review. I do like taking my readers by surprise hehe :D
Well I'd gotten the idea of including the girl in the scene at the station, but somehow it didn't work =/ ...maybe if I do an edit I'll try to see what I can do :)
Thanks a lot once again for sticking to my little story! Report Review
Hey AD! Here from Slytherin Review Tag :)
This was so sweet! I just love your characterization of Astoria, and how creative of you to sort her into Hufflepuff! I bet Draco never dreamed he'd end up marrying someone from there :) She just seems like a really sweet, kind little girl without a care in the world, and I liked her spunk when she was assuring the other little girl that it would be all right.
AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey!
Thanks a lot for your sweet review. I am glad you liked Astoria's characterization and her sorting in Hufflepuff. Thanks a lot for your review :) Report Review
Oh, I've never pictured Astoria as a Hufflepuff, but I loved her characterization in this story! I like how she's brave and not anxious before the sorting, but her best trait is how she greets the Hat! Brilliant idea!
I'm looking forward to Scorpius' sorting:D
~ AngieAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for your review!! I am glad you liked it! Scorpius' sorting will soon be up (hopefully)!
Thanks! Report Review
Interesting take on Narcissa. I really liked how the hat took her choice into consideration as well. However, what I liked most here is seeing the Black sisters together as friends. It was really sweet (and sad).
Excellent summary and fic idea, btw!Author's Response: Aw thanks a lot for your review! means a lot to me! I am happy you found it nice! Thanks! Report Review
Ohh wow, nice to go against the norm! Astoria as a Hufflepuff, now that is certainly nearly unheard of! It's so great you took a risk like that, and I must say, I really did enjoy her charactersiation. The Greengrass family is hardly ever mentioned, and it's lovely to see a fresh take on things. I loved how you made them into a more normal family, unlike the Malfoy's.
I loved how she helped the girl from the boat, it was so sweet. Again, it took me by surprised, but it worked so well! And having her talk to the hat was so funny, as were his responces. You've made Astoria into the cutest character, and it was fantastic to see something so different.
Again, fantastic work here, AD!
-SantaAuthor's Response: Merry Christmas again!
Thank you so much for your amazing reviews! I am glad to know you were surprised but liked it all the same :) Thank you so much! I like to portray things differently, and it was nice to know it is appreciated :)
I am working on exploring Astoria, your comments made me smile!
Thank you!!! Report Review
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :D
This was a fantastic chapter. You characterise the Black family well, and this certainly did not disappoint! I could easily imagine Narcissa having the cool pride on the outside, but a softer, more child-like on the inside, tucked away for no one to see. It was sad, almost, but was likely to have happened.
I really loved the 'rules'; it shows how odd her childhood would have been. It really matches the Narcissa Malfoy we see in the books, so great work keeping this canon. :)
Great chapter, AD!
-SantaAuthor's Response: Hey Santa!! Merry Christmas :D
Thank you for your kind review :) I am flattered that you find this fantastic, and think my characterization of the Blacks well. Good to know Narcissa came across as realistic as did the entire situation (the rules and all)! First time someone has complimented me on my story being canon!! Thank you so much!! This totally made my christmas :D
P.S. I am eager to know who you are! Report Review
Back again! :D
Annd...I love it! Your characterisation of Astoria was fantastic and unique! I loved how you showed beforehand her Hufflepuff traits= it made the story more believable and exciting! :) Like the fact that she helps out that girl in the boat.
And her eagerness was so cute! Most children are scared, but she wasn't, and I loved that. As well, the little background history of her family that we come to know; I always imagined that the Greengrasses were quite a nice family, like you wrote. :)
And you wrote her character with the fact in mind that she was after all, a child. Like here, Astoria had absolutely no clue what ‘probing the depths of mind’ meant :)
This chapter showed the stark difference between Narcissa and her quite well. Somehow, I'm never able to write sorting properly, but you do it so well!
Great work! :)
VanyaAuthor's Response: Aww! Your review put a big nice smile on my face, thank youu :)
I am so flattered that you loved this, and think I do sorting well! I wrote Narcissa the way I imagined her to be, and same goes for Astoria :) I always considered her one of those non-maniacal purebloods (like the Longbottoms), the neutral side, and that's why I placed her in Hufflepuff! Glad to know it worked, and also that you think the child in her was well written.
Thank you once again for your awesome review! Report Review
This was a really sweet look inside of young Narcissa's head. I think you characterised her really well - she definitely would have been under a lot of pressure to be in Slytherin like the rest of her family, especially as her sisters are still in Hogwarts. She has the right amount of childishness in her to make her believable for her age, yet she's so much like the adult Narcissa we know.
Great job!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for your kind review :)
I am glad you think I wrote Narcissa fine, and find it believable overall.
Thanks again! :D Report Review
I really liked this chapter as well and i think you did a good job at portraying Astoria as a Puff, i squeed a bit because i love when people get sorted into the Pufff's, also, you portrayed this helpful strong woman into it which was lovely. I may be a bit partial though. ;) Your characterization of her fit the part very well though. Although, i believe Puff's are known for their loyalty more than the Gryffindors. That isn't a big deal, just me being nitpicky.
Everything flowed very well together here and your toning is well done. I feel like you gave the readers enough information for them to visualize what was happening and left out enough that we could make stuff up on our own, i especially liked how it started as they were getting to Hogwarts. It really added to the atmoshere of the story.
What i'm interested in, is how Draco and her end up marrying? Her dad seems a pretty relxed guy, willing to let people make up their own minds, which gets rid of the arranged idea that many people come up with. Very interesting though, i like it. What about Daphne though? Why did she turn out mean? I would have liked some background inforormation on that, it seemed a little random when you put that in there, as if you were trying to characterize her as Slytherin that way.
I also really liked how it wasn't this life changing thing that she wasn't a Slytherin! It's so refreshing to read a story that actually challenges that overused plot device. Great job.
Anyway, lovely job, i don't have much else to say suggestion wise. I'm curious to see where Scorpius goes :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!!
Haha, I'm glad you liked me putting Astoria in Hufflepuff xD ...and that you found her characterization good as well :)
Hmm I didn't quite think about the loyalty part, but oh well.
I am flattered that you think everything flowed together well and the atmosphere and everything was nice. thank you :)
Haha, well I think Draco && Astoria would have had a Love+Arranged marriage; in my mind's eye Astoria was asked to "see" draco and if she liked him, she could marry him. She would be skeptic at first but to please her mother she'd meet him, and well then they fall in love and get married :D ...omg a new plot bunny!!! :P
Hmm, well I think Daphne took after their mother more who was in Slytherin and was kind of mean, while Astoria took after her father's calm behavior. Hope that answers your question. I'll see if I do an edit, I'll give little more info on Daphne :)
I really wanted to do something different with the plot, that's why I wrote this :)
I am so glad you went into these details and liked this overall. thank you so much once again!! Little Scorpy will come up soon! Report Review
Hello! Sorry for the horrendous time it's take for me to respond to your review request! Life has gotten so hectic lately!
Anyway, i really liked the starting of this and i think it's so refreshing. I think you depicted the pressures Narcissa was under well. I think you also portrayed the idea of the Noble House of Black well and how they acted very refined and above all else. I can also see images of the adult Narcissa in this story which i think is lovely. She does however, seem very disdainful of the fact that she can't act like a girl but must act double her age all because of her families name.
This installement of your series if very well done and simple and i don't think it really needed to be anything other than that. Making it longer would have destroyed the idea of what the feelings were as they were being sorted, which is the whole point of this.
I liked how she was scared of disappointing her family and how sheltered she was by her older sisters. It play's well with how she was as an adult. How she was never really part of the Death Eater gang, but just outside of it, how she followed what was expected of a Black rather than what she really wanted. Lovely job.
I don't really have many suggestions, perhaps if we had some more visual imagery as i felt like i was relying on my own knowledge of how Hogwarts was rather than imagining what Narcissa was seeing and sensing. Otherwise, really lovely job so far :DAuthor's Response: No worries about the delay, I'm just glad you read and reviewed :)
I am glad you liked this; Narcissa, her character, the pressures and the length too :D
You've got her correctly - that's what I wanted to portray... that she didn't want to disappoint her family but stood "outside the circle"... thank you :)
Hmm, thanks for the advice! If I do an edit, I'll surely add in some "imagery"!! thanks a lot for reading && reviewing, glad you liked it! Report Review
Hi! Tag! I really like this chapter!
The descriptions are all really well written, and I like how you've made Astoria your own and given her a certain personality that we didn't expect. I like how she's not the stereotypical Slytherin and that she's nice :) Great chapter!Author's Response: Hi there!! I am glad you liked it and found Astoria good in the light I portrayed her in. Thank you so much for reading && reviewing :) Report Review
This was amazing :D In my opinion you got Narcissa perfectly! The whole self restraint and how she was never really allowed a childhood. She is adorable :)
And I love the conversation she had with the hat, I just love this chapter so much!
xAuthor's Response: Aww thank you for the sweet review. I am flattered, really. Thanks a lot, happy that you liked it so much and found Narcissa good :D
AD Report Review
Awww this was great! I love the whole idea of doing the sorting ceremony for those who didn't get one in the book. I love how you made Astoria seem, I always imagined her as a kinder person (Compared to her sister) but I thought of her as a Ravenclaw. I do like her as a Hufflepuff though! I will be reading the Narcissa one now :D Because this one was great!!!
Cant wait to read the Scorpius Malfoy one :) xAuthor's Response: Hi!! Thank you so much for reading && reviewing! I am glad you found it "great"!! :D
I just like to play around with not-well-known characters and this came to my mind! I am flattered you liked it so much.
Little scorpy will be up soon! xx
thank you once again for reading & reviewing Report Review
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums, reviewing since you won the challenge I set. :] Sorry I'm so slow getting to this...
Well, I really enjoyed this story. It was short, sweet, and simple. I loved your characterization of Narcissa--she wants to please her family, but she's still too young to really know who she is.
I was wondering about a couple of things: first off, this is just a stupid personal-preference thing, but you say Narcissa has "strawberry blonde" hair, though in the books she's portrayed with "platinum blonde" hair. I know, I know. It's silly. Go with what you like. I'm just being nitpicky. :] And the other thing: I feel like Andromeda wasn't a Slytherin...she didn't have any of the same qualities as her sisters, but I guess it's not in the books, so you never know. :]
Great job, though. I think you did a really wonderful job of portraying Cissy's thoughts and emotions. I enjoyed reading this and I think you did spectacularly.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi..!! thank you so much for reading & reviewing first off... no worries about the delay :)
I am glad you enjoyed this and liked Narcissa's characterization.
About the haircolor, I'm sorry I really didn't remember what blonde it was so I put in that, but I guess it doesn't matter so much right? hehe :D
And well, about Andromeda being in Slytherin, I checked it in the HP Wiki and it says she was in slytherin. here's the "proof/explanationn" if you wanna see xD:
In Chapter 4 of Half-Blood Prince, Horace Slughorn states: "The whole Black family had been in my house, but Sirius ended up in Gryffindor!" This implies that all Blacks except Sirius were Sorted into Slytherin while Slughorn was Head of House. Andromeda, born c. 1953, presumably attended Hogwarts from the mid-1960s to 1970, and thus would have been a student of Slughorn, who was stated to have begun teaching at Hogwarts around the same time as Albus Dumbledore in Chapter 5 of Half-Blood Prince, in 1938 or earlier. Sirius Black also states "My whole family have been in Slytherin" and in Chapter 23 of Deathly Hallows, confirming that at least those Blacks closely related to Sirius were in Slytherin.
-- source: HP wiki
Anyways, I am glad you liked the story and found it nice :) thank you once again! Report Review
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