84 Reviews Found

Review #26, by slytherinchica08 Astoria Greengrass

10th January 2013:
I do love how you put your own twist on this and had her in Hufflepuff instead of Slytherin. It makes it your own and unique! I thought Astoria was just a sweet little girl, and so nice for helping out this other girl to get out of the boat. The chapter flowed very nicely and I couldn't spot any errors floating about. I'm hoping that her friend made it into Hufflepuff as well so she at least had someone to talk to! I did enjoy the fact that you also have her family as one that doesn't care what house you are going to be in, it really added to the characters and made Astoria's characterization and placement fitting. A very enjoyable read. Great Job!


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I wanted Astoria to be different than what most people imagine, and for some reason, my head canon is her being a very non-slytherin person. I am glad you found her being Hufflepuff unique and nice.
Its good to know that you found the chapter flowing nicely, and didnt see any errors (thank Merlin), and that you enjoyed her family's characterisation too.
Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #27, by slytherinchica08 Narcissa Black

9th January 2013:
Oh this was a very nice and wonderful chapter! I very much enjoyed the look into Narcissa Malfoy and how she was as an eleven year old. I thought you did a great job with her thoughts about her family and trying not to do anything to upset them and how she had to be the perfect daughter and couldn't act like any normal eleven year old. I just want to say that your writing has improved so much and you are doing such a wonderful job with it now. I honestly couldn't find any mistakes in this chapter and the discription and flow were both done really well! I enjoyed this very much! Great Job!


Author's Response: Hey! thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you enjoyed this and think I did a fine job with Narcissa. Thanks again for your nice review :)

 Report Review

Review #28, by Iduna Kings Narcissa Black

30th December 2012:
My goodness. You are a VERY talented and gifted writer.

Author's Response: Really? Thank you so much!

 Report Review

Review #29, by Iduna Kings Scorpius Malfoy

30th December 2012:
Not as good as the one on Astoria, but still pretty good

Author's Response: thank you!

 Report Review

Review #30, by Iduna Kings Astoria Greengrass

30th December 2012:
Wow. There are a few grammatical errors, but you have real talent. Well done.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked it thanks!

 Report Review

Review #31, by Alopex Scorpius Malfoy

24th December 2012:
Aw, that was cute. Maybe it was because Scorpius seemed a lot more uncertain than either his mother or grandmother did in their sorting stories, so I just wanted to hug him and comfort him. The scene on the platform reminded me strongly of the epilogue scene between Harry and Albus. Like Albus (and countless other kids, I'm sure), Scorpius was worried about which house he'd be put in, and then his parent reassures him with some surprise news about her own sorting.

Draco I think only had two lines, but you did well with it. I'm not talking about the dialogue itself, although it was just fine. Just the way you described his behavior seemed in character with the way I imagine him. He's not all that affectionate, but I think he's trying to be a good dad.

I do have one little math and/or typo bone to pick with you, though. :P In the first sentence, you mostly use numbers to write out Platform 9 and 3/4. However, you also stick the word "quarters" in there, so it's Platform 9 and 3/4 quarters. Technically, 3/4 quarters is 3/16. :P Of course, this is a pretty minor detail.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Aw, 11-year-old Scorp is definitely cute, and I loved writing him, so glad you liked him here!

I was worried about how to go about writing Draco, even in the little bit he had in the story, so its good that he seemed in character to you.

Lol, I didn't realise that typo! Thanks for pointing it out! I'll edit it :)

Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #32, by Alopex Astoria Greengrass

24th December 2012:
I too typically assume that Astoria was probably in Slytherin, but since she's essentially a blank slate, authors are free to to what they like with her, as you have done here. By the time the end of the story rolled around, I was not surprised that the Sorting Hat put her in Hufflepuff. Even though this chapter was also quite short, you did manage to infuse it with a sense of Astoria's personality. She just didn't feel like a Slytherin, and Hufflepuff did seem like the best fit the way you chose to portray her here.

I do have to admit that I am not the hugest fan of the boat scene, where Astoria helps the other girl. The scene served its purpose, being an obvious way of showing Astoria's non-Slytherin tendencies. It just didn't seem to flow as naturally as I would have liked. I think that's partly due to the length of the chapter. The focus was on the sorting, not the boat, so developing the scene to a larger extent would have been distracting. At the same time, it takes up enough of the chapter that it's not just a passing thing. I don't know if that makes sense. :P

Something I find interesting is that you chose Astoria instead of Draco for the middle generation of this collection. However, I do think you made the more interesting choice. I suppose it might be interesting to know more about Draco's sorting, but I think writing about him is more limiting (since we know more about him). I also suspect it would have been easy or tempting to sort of echo Narcissa's sorting, in a way, if you had decided to write about Draco.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I wanted to try something different for her, definitely not Slytherin, so I wrote this. I am glad that within the short chapter you could see her fit into Hufflepuff.

Hmm, I wasn't sure how to fit it in the flow, I did try my best, but I'll see what more I can do about it. As you said, after all, the focus was the sorting and not developing other scenes largely. It definitely makes sense xP

I did think about writing Draco, but then as you said it would have been quite limiting. Plus, I wanted to explore Astoria :)


 Report Review

Review #33, by Alopex Narcissa Black

24th December 2012:
Hi, Aditi! Alopex here with your HPPC Secret Santa reviews! I just hope you are sleeping in your part of the world, rather than obsessively checking reviews, so that you won't see these before I get them all posted. :P

All right, with that little intro out of the way, I'll get down to the actual story. I rather like short story collections, which is why I chose to read these. The three generations idea is interesting as well, so I'm looking forward to see what sort of connections (if any) you make between the three chapters.

This chapter was fairly short, so I guess I don't have a huge amount to say about it. Narcissa doesn't get a lot of face time in the books, but I did always think of her as rather cold and distant in some respects. Here you're showing the roots of that behavior as training to be aloof and haughty--a proper Black family lady. I think here too we see the roots of Narcissa's commitment to family, or at least the importance she places on it.

This reminded me a bit of Harry's sorting, just because the hat suggested a different house as a possibility, but then allowed Narcissa to choose.

I think in fanfiction, we often see characters who are slightly older, so it was nice to read about the Sorting ceremony, to see the uncertainty and fear (even if suppressed/hidden) of leaving home and having to adjust to a new situation.

Author's Response: Hi Alopex! Sorry for the delay in responding to your awesome reviews, I was quite lazy xP

I am glad you like short-story collections, this was my first attempt at doing one.

Its good to know that you see the semblances of the Narcissa we see in the books with the one in my story. I haven't ever written 11-year-olds before so I wasn't sure how to go about setting the whole character.

I am glad you liked this. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #34, by Courtney Dark Narcissa Black

20th December 2012:
Though this was short, it was very cute and I could definitely picture little eleven year old Narcissa and all of her emotions-you write her very well.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you found this cute & think Narcissa was written well :)

 Report Review

Review #35, by melissa Astoria Greengrass

18th December 2012:
if that's supposed to be astoria i suggest you choose someone else. she doesn't really look like astoria at all

Author's Response: Uh thanks for reading & reviewing. And I just chose a kid. I am not abiding by what was in the books/movies.

 Report Review

Review #36, by Jchrissy Scorpius Malfoy

9th November 2012:
Awww this was my favorite of the three chapters so far! I really loved that you kept some of Draco's hardness without Lucius's cruelty slipping in. I often find him portrayed as overly sympathetic or an exact copy of Lucius, and I think you found perfect middle ground with this.

Actually, now that I think of it, you really seem to write these Malfoys well! I just realized how many times I've told you on one of your stories that I really enjoyed a certain portrayal of whatever Malfoy we were given, and this is one family that I think is easy to go very wrong with. Awesome job on really knowing your characters in all your Malfoy installments!

Okay, back to this actual chapter. Though it was odd, I liked your choice of Astoria's house. Although I thought that we were told she was in Slytherin, that could definitely be wrong. It may just be thought that because Daphne was.. anyway, I think it was a fun way to let us know more about Astoria. She's bound to be able to give Scorpius all the love that Draco may not be able to show quite well yet. Not that I'm saying Draco doesn't love his son, I just think really showing that he does would be a challenge.

I really liked your choice of Ravenclaw, as well. You built Scorpius up to fit perfectly in that house even before you Sorted him, especially with the detail of him reading all about how the hat talks.

I really enjoyed all three chapters of this, m'dear. I'm looking forward to reading more of your Malfoys!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading & reviewing!

I am glad you liked this chapter, and that you think I found a 'perfect' middle ground for Draco :)

Haha, I just love the Malfoys a lot, and tend to analyze them a lot, and think and ponder over them too much, which is probably why I can write them decently enough (I try to at least).
But it's flattering that you think I know my characters well :)

I am glad you liked my choice of Astoria's house - I wanted it to be away from stereotypes. I checked HP wiki, and it says "Possibly Slytherin" which implies that she may not be slytherin :) Yeah Daphne was definitely slytherin though. And yes I agree with you there, Astoria shows Scorp the love that Draco can't show him!

I am glad that you think the build-up of Scorp to Ravenclaw was nice. I was worrying about whether the details were enough or not.

Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #37, by CambAngst Narcissa Black

1st November 2012:
Tagging you back from Review Tag!

This was pretty clever. I like the way that you wrote poor little Cissy as a girl in conflict between what her heart wanted to be and what was expected of her by her family. The Sorting Hat is wise, indeed. This fit so well with the strong, determined woman who eventually defies the Dark Lord to try to keep her son safe. Clever, indeed!

I liked the other characters, as well, even in their brief appearances. Bella seems upset that the hat took so much time to make a decision while Andromeda seems to be proud of the fact that Cissy's sorting wasn't an easy decision.

Your writing was great in this. It all flowed very nicely and I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems. You did a good job of painting a picture in my mind and while the dialog was minimal, it was handled well.

Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

I am glad you liked this piece and thought of it as clever. I am happy to know that you liked my other characters, the little dialogue, and Narcissa's over all character.

Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #38, by Jchrissy Astoria Greengrass

27th August 2012:
Bah Astoria's such a little cutie, I just want to hug her! I love what an obviously kind person she is, she's sweet and brave and so very sure of herself! I really enjoyed the peak into her mind, as well as the small hints of what Daphne was already like.

The idea of witnessing Lucius through an eleven year old's eyes is really terrifying. He would probably seem so scary, especially since her father is warm and loving.

Hufflepuff was such a new choice! I thought for sure she'd be in Ravenclaw!

I really enjoyed this second installment, this is such a great look into the starting point of her magical world. And of course I want to know how she ended up marrying the man who she is currently pitting as a little boy.

It was refreshing to see Astoria in anywhere but Slytherin, because, as you said, we never actually find out in canon. I'm curious as to your own head canon of her, now!

Thanks for the lovely read!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked my Astoria, and enjoyed the story. Well, in my head, Astoria is always a Hufflepuff, so I put her in there xD

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #39, by Jchrissy Narcissa Black

26th August 2012:
Okay. This is a really, really cool short story collection idea. Haha, it's just so creative and different. I love the sorting ceremony, it's one of my favorite things about the books, and you captured Hat's voice perfectly! I was reading him in the Harry Potter movies voice, just so you know ;).

I like that she was so nervous, but you could tell it was family pressure that was scaring her, not so much what she wanted. Which is really the story of her life, isn't it?

You captured her emotions, her mixture of anxiety and relief once it called her name, then her constant desire to seem in control (which really would be difficult for an eleven year old) very well!

This was such a great first installment, and I think you've also selected a wonderful group to sort!!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked my story idea, and find it creative and different :) I am relieved to know that you think I captured the Hat's voice perfectly xD

Yes, sadly it is the story of her life, at least to what I think.

I am glad you think that I captured all her various emotions well. Thanks!

Thank you once again for your generous review, I am glad you enjoyed this :)

 Report Review

Review #40, by BoOkWoRm24 Narcissa Black

27th July 2012:

Alright so I love myself a good sorting story, and I thought this one was just as good as the next.

Your characterization was rather impressive. Sortings give us a good opertunity to really bring out certain traits in characters, and I thought you the ones that you brought out in Narcissa seemed right on point. The way she felt like she had to stay perfect with the stick straight posture and the expresionless mask was great.

The one thing I might work on would be the wording of things. You had a tendency to repeat words. For example in the last paragraph you said:

"Andromeda smiled at her youngest sister and Narcissa gave her a small but grateful smile"

You see how you repeated the word smile? Well when I read that sentence it feels awkward to me because of the use of the word smile twice.

Also the hats diction. Overall I thought it was good, and it seemed to be appropriate for the hat, but this one line bothered me:

"I can see you’re going to be one of those extraordinary Slytherins who will bring a change."

This sentence just doesn't seem like something the hat would say. Or rather its not how he would say it. I feel like something more like "Ah I see you will bring your house greatness, you shall." seems more fit. That's probably a terrible example, but point is the hat was made in the time of the founders, and so when he talks he should either talk like with dialouge a man in the Founder's era could uise, or just sound older, like the way Olivander or Dumbledore would talk to Narcissa. If that makes sence, hopefullly it does.

Anywho this was a great read. It was very interesting to see what was going on inside Narcissa's head when being sorted.

Keep up the great work!


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and leaving such a detailed review!

I am glad to know that you found my characterization impressive and liked my Narcissa. Thanks.

Oh, I never realized that I was repeating words! Thanks so much for pointing that out. I will work on it =)

Naw that's not a terrible example, I see what you're trying to explain. I shall work on the Hat's words, thanks for pointing them out to me =)

I am happy you found this interesting, thanks!

 Report Review

Review #41, by acciolocket21 Scorpius Malfoy

27th March 2012:
I thought this story idea was really creative, and loved how Scorpius wasn't put in Slytherin:)

Author's Response: I am glad you thought so, thank you so much for reading & reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #42, by EnigmaticEyes16 Scorpius Malfoy

24th March 2012:
Aww. This was short but very nice. I enjoyed reading into the relationship between Scorpius and his mother. I could tell right off the bat that he didn't seem much like a Slytherin. I loved the reaction of silence from the hall at his sorting, I thought that was funny, and how the headmistress had to clap first for him to get any applause. I know you don't say it's McGonagall, but I could just see her clearing her throat very pointedly and signalling everyone to clap. This was a nice end to your story, and I really enjoyed it.


~green with envy 2012~

Author's Response: Hey! I am glad you liked this. I am happy you could understand Scorp and see he wasn't a slytherin, and that you liked the reaction after the sorting. Yes the headmistress was McGonagall, glad you got that too :D

I am happy you enjoyed my story. Thanks for reading & reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #43, by academica Scorpius Malfoy

8th March 2012:
Hey AD! Slytherin Review Tag brought me here :)

I'm glad I got a chance to come back and read the last part of this. I really liked your characterization of all three Malfoys. I thought Draco was appropriately distant and quiet, and I really liked that you made Astoria so kind and patient with her son. You can tell that she really loves him, and I think Draco's willingness to marry a Hufflepuff says a lot about how much he's grown up here, too. Scorpius, of course, was really adorable in his nervousness. I liked how he worried so much about the sorting and then found himself in a "good" house almost before he had time to think about it.

Great job!


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing!

I am happy to know that you liked my characterizations of all three Malfoys. I struggled somewhat with the story as I tend to make my characters OOC but I am relieved that you think I pulled them off :)

Your analysis on Astoria, Draco and Scorpius is perfect, just the way I had thought out while writing them. Nothing pleases me more than a reader getting my characters the way I want them to :)

Thanks a lot!!!

 Report Review

Review #44, by ImAMalfoySortOfGirl Scorpius Malfoy

5th March 2012:
awee (: This is really good! Scorpius was my favorite :D I am very glad that he was not put into slytherin (which sounds weird) But I would assume that he was Raised much diffrent Than Draco, so then it is no suprize that he was in a diffrent house. Okay I am done ranting now. But It was great! kay Bye!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for such a sweet review :) I am glad Scorp was your fav, he's mine too! I also thought along the same lines that his upbringing was very different from Draco's, so I put him in Ravenclaw. Thanks a lot again!

 Report Review

Review #45, by charlottetrips Narcissa Black

29th February 2012:
I don't often read stories with Narcissa being a little girl but I think you've captured her quite nicely here. The amount of pressure any Black family member feels must've been tremendous and I think you make it clear here. Not only does she have her mother's expectations but her siblings and cousins as well. It's a lot riding on an eleven-year-old's shoulders and you showed it well.

I especially liked how you captured the Sorting Hat's voice. It was just like out of the book, where the Hat would tease the poor child with going to a different house but also being wise and all-knowing at the same time.

Slipping Andromeda in there was surprising to me. I kind of forget that she's related to these girls. I also would've thought she would've been sorted to a different House considering which team she ended up on. But hey, I liked it!

I've been reading this story a little bit backwards but it seems to suit well given that the stories are related but not :)


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing!

I am glad you found Narcissa's characterization as a little girl good enough, and that you think I showed her feelings and conflicts well.

I was a bit worried about writing the Sorting Hat right, but thank you, I am so relieved to know that you think I did that right.

Well as far as canon goes, Andromeda was in Slytherin, though she was softer than her other sisters, she was still proud, ambitious and went after what she wanted (Ted) which are slytherin traits :)

Haha, it is fine if you read backwards because as you said they're not really related.

Thanks once again for your sweet review!

 Report Review

Review #46, by charlottetrips Scorpius Malfoy

23rd February 2012:
Heya! I decided it wouldn’t harm me to start at the last chapter of this short story collection because it seemed that they would stand on their own pretty much. And I saw that the last chapter was newly up so wanted to help you with taking a look at this new chapter!

How interesting that we’re taking the Malfoys’ point of view of the Epilogue. It isn’t even something that I’ve ever thought out. It’s fun to take the same scene and see it from a different point of view. It adds more to the canon in my mind.

A couple of things:
The train [hooted] at that moment - I think a train more “whistles” than “hoots”
then began levitating his son’s luggage to[] on to the train. - missing “get”?

Astoria mentioning that she was in Hufflepuff makes me want to go and read her story now. Usually Astoria is in Slytherin and so it’s interesting to see you put it differently!

That’s so adorable that Scorp’s actually read Hogwarts: A Revised History before he came to Hogwarts! It’s different to take him as the studious type when fanon makes him the player all the time! :) Also, nice touch with revising the name of the book!

Ravenclaw! How appropriate for your Scorpius! Also, gah! With the no clapping bit. I mean, I could see how they’d all be surprised but let’s not scare the 10-year-old!

This was a lovely little story and I look forward to being able to read about his mother’s and grandmother’s sorting :)


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing! I am glad you think so.. I didn't keep canon in mind while writing but it just happened xD

Thanks for the tip! I'll do the correction while editing!

I always like to do things differently.. so I'm glad you like the fact of Astoria being in Hufflepuff!

I was tired of having Scorpius as the Player, and somehow I felt that he'd be the quiet, subdued, reading type so yeah xD

Haha true. I am so glad you liked my little pice over all. Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #47, by Illuminate Scorpius Malfoy

22nd February 2012:
Hi! Tag!

I really liked this one too. Scorpius is adorable xD And I think even the characters that don't get a lot of attention in this chapter- McGonagall who I presume was the strict looking headmistress, the Sorting Hat and Scorp's parents- all seem fully characterised and well written. I like that you differed from the norm and put him in Ravenclaw, it seemed to suit him :)

The only way I could say to improve would be to maybe put in a little of what happens on the Hogwarts Express. Who does he sit with, how does his feelings change about the school? He seems to be in the same place in his mind as when he's at the Platform- I think by the time first years get there they might be more excited than nervous :)

Great job! :D 8/10

Author's Response: Hi!

I am glad you liked this too :D I always try to keep balance between my characters, and it's nice to know that you think the characterizations were good from Scorpius to the Hat. I have always felt that Ravenclaw would have been the house for him too, and yeah it does kind of suit him. I really didn't want to put him in Slytherin xD

Well, I imagine Scorpius to be a quiet and shy boy, so I don't think his train journey would be eventful. According to me, he would have sat alone in a compartment lost in his thoughts, and that's why he's in the same place in his mind when he arrives at Hogwarts. However, I shall think over what you said.

Thank you so much for reading & reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #48, by Cassius Alcinder Scorpius Malfoy

21st February 2012:
Review tag!

I remember reading the first two chapters a while back, and I was glad to see you updated this!

So I just realized that Scopius' arrival at the platform was the same scene was got to see in the epilogue, just from a different perspective. I liked how you had Draco silently nod, like he did in the book, that was a nice tie in to canon.

I also like how you're able to write 11 year old characters in a way that seems to fit their age well.

And as for the ending, what a surprise! I don't think I've ever seen him sorted in any house other than Slytherin. It's one of those things that everybody just assumes and it becomes sort of canon, but of course, we never find out what house he was actually sorted into. Maybe he was actually the surrpise sorting instead of Albus.

Very interesting story!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you so much for reading & reviewing, once again xD

Yeah, to tell the truth I realized that my scene matched the scene in the Epilogue right now when I read your review. I seldom write canon, but I'm glad it accidentally matched hehe.

I like to get into my characters' head when I write them, and try to keep it as realistic to their age as possible, and I am glad it turned out well.

I always love to surprise my readers :D I know everyone assumes him to be in Slytherin (and a few where he's a Gryffindor - really strange) but I somehow picture him in Ravenclaw. In fact I picture both him and Rose in ravenclaw.

Anyway, thank you so much for your kind review :)

 Report Review

Review #49, by magicmuggle01 Scorpius Malfoy

19th February 2012:
Another good chapter. Though you did take me by surprise with Scopi's sorting. Not many other people have sorted him into Ravenclaw before in their stories.
I take it the idea that you got concerning the girl I mentioned in my last review never fitted in anywhere? Oh well never mind. 10/10.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for the kind read and review. I do like taking my readers by surprise hehe :D

Well I'd gotten the idea of including the girl in the scene at the station, but somehow it didn't work =/ ...maybe if I do an edit I'll try to see what I can do :)

Thanks a lot once again for sticking to my little story!

 Report Review

Review #50, by academica Astoria Greengrass

10th February 2012:
Hey AD! Here from Slytherin Review Tag :)

This was so sweet! I just love your characterization of Astoria, and how creative of you to sort her into Hufflepuff! I bet Draco never dreamed he'd end up marrying someone from there :) She just seems like a really sweet, kind little girl without a care in the world, and I liked her spunk when she was assuring the other little girl that it would be all right.

Great job!


Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks a lot for your sweet review. I am glad you liked Astoria's characterization and her sorting in Hufflepuff. Thanks a lot for your review :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>