What an intersting pairing, and one I definetely haven't seen before!
Fred and George are always difficult to pull off, epecially when you're only using one of them and you can't have the witty banter playing off each other. You captured his humor and personality pretty well, and the argument with zonko is totally something he would get involved in.
Hermione was a little OOC, but I get that she pretty much had to be for the story to work. Having her stay in to do homework and the way she was stressing out about it was definetely typical Hermione. My only complaint was that i really can't picture her swearing like that. Overall I'd say you effectively captured her personality even if it was actions that she wouldn't normally do.
Overall this was a very enoyable read and a fun speculation on an unusual pairing.Author's Response: Hi there!! Thanks for your review!!!
I am glad you found this interesting and fun to read!! Good to know I was able to pull off George a bit well. I know Hermione was kind of OOC, I'll edit and cut down on the swearing a bit xD
Thank you so much for your kind review! Report Review
Keep on writing please?? C:Author's Response: I am sorry but this was just a one shot so there won't be more to it. But I m glad you liked it. Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I actually really liked this! I've never read a Hermione/George before and I think this seemed really realistic because I've always wondered how those two personalities could be together but this really melded well! (sorry about the ridiculously long sentence there!) I think it was mostly in character except maybe for Hermione's swearing at the start. I really did love their characterisations :)Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the read and review! I am glad you liked it overall!! Good to know about the characterizations too :) I'll edit it soon to cut down on the swearing xD Report Review
Aww.. this was such a cute story! Such a rare couple, yet you spun their relationship fantastically! :)
I don't think you need to be worried about OOCness. I know how difficult it is to write canon character with the fear that the slightest changes in character can make people scream 'OOC!'. In fact, I like how you've written both of them. George's serious side that is not often seen is very well depicted- even though I'd have liked him to crack a joke or two more, it's still pretty good.
Hermione is so spot on! Throughout the fic, from the time when she's nervous about an essay to the end, I think you've characterised her perfectly.
Descriptions are all very nice- your narrative is not overly descriptive; it makes me picture exactly what was happening quite clearly.
I think the only (tiny) problem I have with this was the nickname " 'Mione". It just...annoys me because It's not exactly canon, but that's just a personal preference.
Other than that, this was a really enjoyable one-shot. :)Author's Response: Hi..!! I am so glad to know you found this good and that it wasn't that OOC. I am not really good at humor so I wasn't able to make George crack jokes xP I am thrilled to know that you think I characterized Hermione perfectly!! :)
Thanks a lot for such a nice detailed review; good to know I haven't overdone the descriptions too :)
Well, I really like the nickname so I put in there - I know it's not canon but this story is not canon either is it? haha.
but thanks so much for the wonderful review! I am so happy to know it made an enjoyable read. thank you! Report Review
That was actually really cute and I think it was actually pretty realistic for a guys thoughts.Author's Response: Hey there!! Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing! I am glad you liked it and found it cute & realistic :) Report Review
Very good it's a sensitive subject but you did it really well!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing. I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Hey there, I'm here with your review!
OH LA LA!
This is NOT what I expected from something starring Hermione and titled Muggle Studies!
I liked this, though. You did very well describing the characters' feelings and there was a good ratio of character descriptions to setting descriptions. I could picture exactly where they were, but you didn't take away from the actual action by going into endless details about the rooms. You were also able to capture realistic feelings that would arise in this situation, which was great, because I could actually picture myself in this sort of scenario. It was so real.
Hermione's characterization (while a little frisky at the end!) was spot on. I love how she was nervous and borderline freaking out in the beginning since she hadn't finished her essay, even though there was still 3 days left before it was due. I also like how she got really excited in the library when they found the books about jokes. Even though they were about jokes and Hermione had always been testy around all the twins' products, it's just so Hermione of her to really get into reading a book.
The only issue I had with her was when she was cursing in the beginning. I know she said that she never cursed and it was uncharacteristic of her, I just can't see her doing it in the first place.
I think George was also written really well. He rarely takes anything seriously, but when he does, it just fits that it would be something about jokes. I can also definitely picture him trying to get other people to do his work, even though he just asks Hermione to HELP him, not necessarily do it for him. It reminds me of Ron, and then makes me go...Oh those Weasley boys!
We don't really know much about his romantic or sexual preferences, but I can see him being like this. He didn't want to push her too far or do anything too quick even though he obviously would have no problem with it. He was very gentlemanly and it's nice to see a more serious side to him.
Other than the swearing, I saw nothing wrong with this, and it was a pleasure to read! You were able to write a sexual scene between two people who weren't dating but it didn't turn out raunchy or cheap in anyway. Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Hey there!! Thanks a lot for the awesome review! I am glad you took the time and effort to go into such detail :)
I think I'll cut down a little on the swearing then xD
I am really thankful for such a nice review. It's flattering that you actually found my settings realistic and characterizations good. I always imagined George to be the 'slightly more serious' out of the twins, so I actually put in my views here. I'm happy you liked it :)
Haha I know the Weasley boys xD
I am also relieved that the sexual scene didn't seem overdone and was not raunchy!
Thank you so much for your valuable review!! It really means a lot to me!
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Hey there, it's DarkRose from the forums here to review for you challenge entry.
First off, thanks so much for participating. I really loved your entry. This is one of the better ones I've read, so cross your fingers and look for my PM with the results of the challenge soon. :]
I loved your characterization, even if it was a bit OOC. I think it fit the story and I liked that Hermione and George worked things out together in a way that fit their characterization.
The plot meshed well and I really thought it was cute and well-written, if a little predictable. :] Well done! The only thing I might advise would be to add something more to the descriptions to bring the setting and characters to life. Other than that, it was awesome.
Overall, I think you did very well and I'll let you know the results on the forums soon.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey Emily!
Thank you for the sweet review. I'm happy you liked it overall *fingers crossed* xD
I really enjoyed participating in the challenge and exploring this story, and I am glad I accomplished that to some extent. This was a great experience and even if I don't win I'll be happy I wrote something different and challenging to me :)
I am really glad you liked my little story, thanks again!!
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Bless this story ^_^
I think after a lot of planning and plotting, you did a teriffic job here Angie!!! :D
This little one-shot was really good - Although I would recommend putting a line or something inbetween the break above where She says I want you now, and George asks her is she's okay. ;) Just to spare confusion!!
However! The rest of this was fine ^_^ great even! I loved it :D I really liked how mad he got at Zonko, and how he was mildly mad at Fred :) That was really good. :D
-this is not a test to pass or fail.- Hehe, I had a little giggle here, it was a very light and fluffy sentence to add to the whole scenario!!
Well done Miss ;)
Love ~Karni, x
TRICK OR TREAT!!Author's Response: Hey Karni..!!
I'm glad you liked it hon!! :)
Thank you so much for the kind review!! I am so flattered :D
Hmm, I will do that (put the break), thanks for pointing it out!!
I am so happy you found George's reactions to Zonko and Fred nice, and also the little sentence. =)
Thanks again for such a sweet review!!
Love you xxx Report Review
I like it
I was hesitant at first because I've read a few hermione/fredorgorge and they didn't end well
Thank you for restoring my faith in the pairingAuthor's Response: i am glad you do. thank you so much for reading and reviewing. i am flattered :) Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!
Oh, dear. Hermione/George. No wonder you struggled a bit! I would have, too!
Before I get into the real meat of the story, I just want to quickly point out some mechanical things.
You had a few issues with dialogue tags. There's a great thread about them in the grammar guidelines section over on the forum (I think that's where it is, anyway), but I'll give you a very brief overview. Basically, a dialogue tag is something that indicates who is speaking and how - he said, she replied, they whined, I snapped, etc.
If dialogue is immediately followed by a dialogue tag ["Where were you?" he asked], it should never end in a period. Exclamation points/question marks/ellipses are fine, but if you would normally end the sentence with a period, use a comma ["I was too tired to finish the History of Magic essay," Ron said]. Additionally, in this situation, the dialogue tag is part of the previous sentence, not a new one, so it should not be capitalized (unless, of course, it's a name). That's true even if the sentence ends in a question mark or an exclamation point - it's ["Get away from me," she said] and [Get away from me!" she said]. You may, of course, already know this - I just picked up on multiple errors here, so I thought it was possible that you didn't, especially since a lot of people don't. :)
Books are fine just italicized; you don't need quotes as well. (Unless the convention is different elsewhere, but I don't think it is.)
In the first paragraph, "nearly" and "everyone except her" don't work well together - I might consider restructuring that sentence a little.
It should be O.W.L.s, not O.W.L.S, because the acronym is "Ordinary Wizarding Level." She's also taking, not giving them (right? again, maybe a regional difference, but not one I've ever heard), and I would say that it might come up in the exam, not that it might come in the exam.
I don't think you need to have her say that it's complicated about how she's sixteen - just say "September birthday," you know?
Finally, and this is just a personal thing, I'm really not a fan of the nickname "Mione" for Hermione. We never see it used in the books, and it always throws me out of a story, a bit.
Okay! Now I'm done boring you with mechanical details.
Especially given the pairing you had to work with, I don't think either Hermione or George was very out of character. I might cut down on her cursing a bit and add in a few more jokes for him, but on the whole, I think you did a pretty good job! There wasn't really any point where I felt like you weren't talking about Hermione or George, which is impressive considering the AU and the pairing.
I also really liked that you included George stressing about her age. I feel like that never gets touched upon in fanfics - characters are usually written as just being not even remotely concerned about age differences, and while it's certainly true that plenty of people in the real world don't stress too much about it, a lot of people do. I know that for me, the idea of dating someone who was 15 when I was 17 would have creeped me out, and the idea of dating one of my little brother's friends would have done that even more. I really liked that touch, and I liked the way that you reminded us that Hermione really is a full year older than Harry, which people often forget.
Was it a little OoC? Yes. However, I don't think that you could have been perfectly in-character for this pairing, and I really liked the way you executed it. :)Author's Response: Hi Breezie!! Thank you so much for such an in-depth review.
Hmm, I actually do know about the dialogue tags but I think since I wrote this story in sort of a distracted && kind of rushed state, I made so many mistakes!! Thanks for pointing them out, I will do a once-over and edit the story again soon, keeping your comments in mind =)
Book names - ah another mistake on my part - I don't know why I put quotes, I never actually do that =/ ...Again blame it on my distracted mind *sigh*
And I will make sure to go through and edit that sentence, currently I don't remember what it is, but if it sounds awkward I'll change it. Thanks for pointing it out :)
Hmm, I have always liked "Mione" so I put it in there, that just differs on opinion I guess xD
Thanks so much for telling me all the "technical" stuff, I'll make sure to look into it all when I do an edit.
I am glad you think I did a good job *relieved sigh* with the pairing & the characters! I put in Hermione's cursing to emphasize on her frustration as I think it added to the tone of the situation. As far as George's jokes are concerned, well to be honest, I am pathetic at making humor and jokes so I really can't do anything about that - I just can't write jokes and stuff, JKR is brilliant at that not me :D
Yeah I know. The age factor kind of bugs me too, that's why I don't write/read such pairings, but since I was given this pairing I made it a point (however small) to mention the age thing. I personally would have liked to write (if i had to) a Post-Hogwarts when Hermione & George are not in school anymore if I had to pair them, as that makes the age gap less creepy. But since the title I was given, I was limited to Hogwarts and decided to mention it :) The 1 year older thing was just an impulse mention but I'm flattered you liked it and actually noticed the emphasis :) Thank you!
I know it was OOC, I could never pull off a pairing such as this without it being OOC, but I'm glad you liked it overall.
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful and valuable review!! You're awesome! xD
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That was a great story...very sexy!Author's Response: Thanks for reading & reviewing!!! I am glad you liked it :) Report Review
George is so sweet. I like it!
xxAuthor's Response: I am glad you do! Thank you for reading & reviewing :) Report Review
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