31 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Phoenix_Flames A Portrait Existence

21st September 2011:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. I am so very sorry for the long wait. I have been incredibly busy, and my queue has exploded and has been quite huge lately. So I'm sorry about that, but I'm finally here now!

And ah, I always love your pieces. I loved Charm Those Words, and I had been meaning to read more of your stuff, but I've just been busy, busy! So I'm so glad I got to read this, and it did not disappoint. I loved it so much.

This was such a creative piece! There aren't many stories out there about Phineas. Actually, I can't even think of one off the top of my head that I have read about him. So this was so clever and so unique. I love to see it when author's step out and do something new that we have yet to come across, and I thought you did it brilliantly.

I loved how you started the piece off. You set the scene up brilliantly with that descriptive introduction. It was a great way to captivate me and prepare me for the rest of the story.

I think you picked a perfect moment to showcase Phineas' character. It was clever to piece this little story into the HP series like this.

We got a great sense of his character as Dumbledore sent him on his task, his slight reluctance, and his irritation for living in a frame. I think you also described that perfectly; Phineas' confinement to a frame. That really must suck. With the way I think it, there's actually a different version of someone in there. They interact with other people in frames and people in the real world, therefore there must be some sort of knowledge or acknowledgement, and with that comes emotion So I find it perfectly in character that Phineas feels like this, and I love how you showed it.

This was a great piece, and in the end you really got his emotions across there. I could feel for Phineas.

Really, my only piece of advice is that it was a little bit dialogue heavy for a bit of the piece early on in the story. There's the exchange of dialogue maybe six or seven times without anything else really besides speaking verbs and it felt a little thick and weighed down in that section, but that's it. That's really all I noticed. It transitioned nicely into everything else, and I think you made up for that there at the end.

As such, the flow was great. It went nicely into each other, piece by piece. I could really feel like I was in the frame with him.

This was such a great piece, and really quite clever! I very much enjoyed it, and I'm glad you tried something different!

Thanks for requesting, and I hope this was somewhat useful to you! Thanks, love! :)

Author's Response: hey!!

Your reviews never cease to make me smile!! Thank you so much for such an amazing review! You hit on all details, and it really made my day. I am thrilled you liked it so much! If I ever do an edit, I will make sure to edit out the dialogue in the beginning! Thanks a lot for such an insightful review! I am so happy you liked it!

Thanks a lot!

cheers!
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Review #27, by Salem A Portrait Existence

20th September 2011:
Agnes here with your review!

Ohhh yes! A portrait piece! A very interesting idea. You seem to have done an interesting take on this challenge!

I think it was really interesting how you wrote it from the perspective of a portrait, and also managed to give him a level of depth that would exist as if he were still alive, as a real person. This is even further emphasized when he expresses his sentiments towards being a portrait--I really liked that part, because, you know in the books we don't really get to hear about their feelings on the matter. And I mean, do they even have a choice before they're turned into magical portraits? Or are they kind of forced into it? I've always wondered.

His assistant Peeves--oh I like that part, it got me thinking. So you're saying here that Peeves was Phineas' assistant while they were alive? I'd never thought much about where Peeves may have been before he became a poltergeist...

Something else I liked was how Phineas compared his boring portrait existence with both Peeve's and Sirius'--somehow that just had a real impact on me. Probably because someone so arrogant learned to accept his uneventful life instead of wishing it was something more.

Overall, I think this was just brilliant and a very intriguing read.

Author's Response: hey!

Thanks so much for your in-depth review! I am thrilled you found it an intriguing read and it gave you something to ponder over :D

I am really happy you liked it overall, and touched upon various aspects of my little story! This review totally made my day!! I was so afraid it hadn't turned out quite well, but I'm glad you proved me wrong - I really wanted to explore his character and I'm glad I seem to have pulled it off fine!

Thanks once again!

xxx
cheers!
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Review #28, by academica A Portrait Existence

19th September 2011:
Hi there! I have arrived at last with your review! :)

So this was a pretty unique challenge, and you've done a good job responding to it. I really liked your characterization of Phineas, as he seemed just as haughty and self-serving as a Black is expected to be. It was interesting to reflect back on Phineas's life in his "glory" days as a Headmaster. I also thought the parallel between him and Sirius, who were both imprisoned in different ways, was an interesting idea.

Your phrasing is a little awkward, I must admit. Sometimes I feel like you add in too many words to a sentence or you go the 'round about way of talking about something, like, "Edgy who was currently quite uninterested to partake...". That might sound a little less cluttered if you were to say it like, "Edgy, who sat in his chair with a glass of wine and refused to partake..." or something like that. It just feels as if your writing is a little too stiff, but that's just a matter of opinion. I also think it would have been nice to add in some more imagery and really set the scene, but again, just my opinion. I didn't see any technical errors, which is wonderful! :)

Nice work! Thanks for requesting, and as always, I hope my feedback is helpful to you :)

academica

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review :)

I am glad you found it a good job, and an interesting read.

Hmm, I value your comments and will keep that in mind when/if I do an edit!

Thanks once again! Your feedback is definitely helpful!

cheers!
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Review #29, by Illuminate A Portrait Existence

19th September 2011:
Hi! Here for review tag!

This is a nice oneshot! We don't get that much of an insight into that of Phineas, and I think you portrayed his character well here! I really enjoyed it. Your description and prose was very enlightening and helped give an insight into the character. I thought your Dumbledore was good, too :) Good job!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks so much for the read and review :) I am happy you liked it and found it a good insight into Phineas. And I'm relieved I got Dumbledore right! Thanks once again!


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Review #30, by Remus A Portrait Existence

18th September 2011:
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums here with your review!

I have to say, I've never read a Phineas Black story and I'm glad that it was yours that I read first. Its full of detail and the description of it is fantastic. I really don't know what else to say aside from the fact that this is very, VERY well written. Grammar seems fine, your dialogue is perfect...the one small thing is that your spacing between paragraphs sometimes is off. But that's about it.

I absolutely like how you compare his imprisonment to Sirius' and how, in reality, his was better since he could still travel compared to Sirius.

Keep writing!

Author's Response: hey!!

Thank you so much for your wonderful review!! It really made my day :)

I was worried I hadn't written it quite well but I'm glad you found it good! Thanks for pointing out the details. The spacing - I'll fix it, it does get messed up sometimes!!

Thanks a lot once again!


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Review #31, by Beeezie A Portrait Existence

15th September 2011:
It was definitely an okay read overall! (In fact, I would say that it's more than okay. :) )

This is a hard prompt (which is part of why this was not a challenge that I signed up for), and I think you did a good job with it. I felt like both Dumbledore and Phineas were very much in character, and I could completely understand why he found his life as a portrait to be so boring. Terrific job on that front.

There were only two things that I wasn't a huge fan of, and they're both really minor. Giving Peeves the backstory felt a little odd to me, because it got my mind sidetracked on "is that a poltergeist comes into existence?" and wondering about Peeves's character evolution. I'm totally guilty of the same thing all the time, but it was a bit distracting to me because it took my focus off Phineas.

The other thing (and this is really, really minor) is that I was wondering when exactly this was taking place and why Dumbledore was asking. A line or two to clarify that really would have helped me a lot. Maybe that's just me, though!

On the whole, this is a fun story, and I think that you did a great job. :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Well firstly thank you for reading and reviewing! you were pretty quick =D

I am glad you found it more than okay!! LOL.
I know, it was quite hard for me to write it - I really struggled a lot but I did it xD
I am relieved you found Dumbledore and Phineas in character!! :)
Hmm, well I did put in the Peeves thing just to, well I don't know why I did - it just came. And I thought it was sort of nice (IMO at least). Sorry if you found it off-track and not so pleasing. Honestly speaking, it is a part that I kind of like so I don't think I'll remove it even if it is not so good. And I thought some mention of other characters would be good so I did it - but oh well nevermind :)
Thank you so much for your valuable comments! I really appreciate them!
About the time - well it is taking place sometime during OoTp when Dumbledore instructed Sirius to not go out of Grimmauld place but if that's not clear - I will put it in the authors note! Thanks for pointing it out!

I am glad you found it fun and good (even though I still think it is not so much) - thank you so much!! :)

Cheers!
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