Reading Reviews for Change
64 Reviews Found

Review #26, by anonymous diva Getting to know

16th August 2011:
Hey this is shaheen from the forums.I am here with your review as requested. So to start from I don't believe that this story was too clichéd or too OOC as you have put it. You'll not believe that this is the first fan-fic I am reading about lucius/narcissa but don't worry it was DEFINITELY worth it .

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad you found it 'worth it'. =)

 Report Review

Review #27, by MaiWishes Getting to know

14th August 2011:
Thought Id take a look at your story :D you reviewed mine

Aw you dont think Lucius and Narcissa love each other? They are one of my favorite couples and imo are crazy about each other and their son. Perfect family, except of course they are on the dark side hehe.

But this fits very well to and it gives good explanations. I agree with one other review that said this could be what helped make Narcissa cold.

Author's Response: They are my fav couple too, but from angst POV not romance!

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I am glad you found it fitting!!

 Report Review

Review #28, by Cleopatraa Getting to know

12th August 2011:
I actually read this story last night but I was too tired too leave a review so here I am. I really like what you've done with Narcissa's character. I think you've got her spot on. Well at first he only hide the fact he was a death eater to her and then apparently he hide that and he cheated while she truly loved him. How dare he?!?! I mean if that doesn’t change you into cold and unfeeling I don’t know what does.
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad you found this good and realistic!

 Report Review

Review #29, by LunarLuna Getting to know

11th August 2011:
You have a way with Narcissa! I've read your collab entry about her, and now this, and I loved both. I think you just get her character, you really manage to pull her essence into the text and your charaterisation is absolutely perfect. It really stunned me in your story, the plot was nice and sad, I haven't spotted any grammar or spelling issues, nor any particularly noticeable flaw, it was all very well made. But frankly, I seriously think you could write anything with Narcissa and make it work. I still can't believe how much it resembles the idea i have of Narcissa. Keep on working with that character!

~LunarLuna of Slytherin

Author's Response: hey LL!! wow thank you so much for your awesome review!! Well I guess it is just the fact that I absolutely love Narcissa's character and after reading the series many times, try to explore her as much as I can. I love writing her and maybe thats why it comes out so well. Thanks a lot for your amazing review!! I am honored =)

 Report Review

Review #30, by Klynxx Getting to know

11th August 2011:
Really enjoyed reading this!!
As I read it I kept thinking "Omg! Lucius and Narcissa are rather darling together"...

...then he cheats! Great! -_-

I love Narcissa's Woman-Power! at the end and her motherly responsibilities kicking in!

Very good one-shot- well done :D

Author's Response: hey there!! this made my day!! thank you so much!! I am so glad you found it good! thanks =)

 Report Review

Review #31, by leannemariesnape Getting to know

11th August 2011:
I thought that this was perfectly in character! Narcissa is young and naieve at the beginning of this, which, I think a pampered, beautiful young woman would be like at this point in her life. I did feel a little sad when she wondered whether things would change now she was pregnant- so many people think that, and most of the time, it never happens, sadly. Oh my gosh! You make me really hate Malfoy in this! "You’re my wife, and therefore, it is your duty to do as I say." Ooh, that would have made me so angry if I was her! Anway, I felt so sad for her when she saw Malfoy with another woman, and at that point, we could see how she had changed, and it justifies why Draco grew up like he did. A very good insight into Narcissa's life, I think, so well done! :)

Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: hi!! Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a lovely review!! =)

 Report Review

Review #32, by Keira7794 Getting to know

11th August 2011:
Hello :)

It's a great idea and I love how you have given a reason behind 'Cissy's' change of character. It fits really well with JK Rowling's description of the family.

Your grammar is good and it flows really well. The only thing to point out is the spacing is a little bit off. Sometimes there are massive spaces. I know this wouldn't be neccesarily you as my HPFF does it aswell but if you edit again then it should stay with smaller spaces :)

Really good - wish you could of carried it on so Lucius found out she was pregnant!

Keira :)

Author's Response: Hi.

Thanks so much for your lovely review Keira! I will try and edit out the spaces when I've time =)
I am glad you found this little piece of mine good. I might consider doing a one-shot sequel in the near future when I get time seeing as how it seems to be the demand of so many people xD
Thanks a lot once again for taking the time to read and review!

 Report Review

Review #33, by LadyL8 Getting to know

10th August 2011:
Hey, sorry it took so long. I have been babysitting my younger sister this week. Im finally back now, though. Okay, so here we go.

I really loved your picture. It was so interesting. It made me want to read your story. Okay, so Im a little obsessed with pictures, but yours was really cool.

Over to the story. I always start with the things that the author was concerned about. Firstly, the plot. I love the idea and it definitely works. I have always wondered how Cissy would tell Lucius that she was pregnant, and you made it very realistic and believable. I could really imagine it happen like this. The characterizations in this story are just so good. You make every character realistic, and thats the main reason why its so easy to imagine it happen. That was really impressing. You also wrote the emotions so good that I was furious at the end. Furious at Lucius. I also felt so bad for Cissy, and that shows how good you are at writing the emotions.

I saw no mistakes, so I think its grammatically correct. Although, in the 12th paragraph you had three sentences with the word day in it. I understood your idea, but it really didnt work for me. Thats just me, though. Apart from that, I felt like everything was just perfect. It was so well-written that I have nothing to complain about, really. Really good job :D

Yours Sincerely

Author's Response: Hey!!

Wow thank you so much for such a thoughtful and nice review! I am glad you read this and found it good enough!!

Thanks a lot!!

 Report Review

Review #34, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Getting to know

7th August 2011:
Oh dear! I love Narcissa and I feel she is such an underappreciated character. So, naturally when I fell upon your one shot I had to read it. Good grief, it was fantastic. You got her spot on! I could really feel her pain and emotion. I always believed that she cared more for her husband than he did for her, that's why in the end she really focused on Draco. I could see her giving up everything she ever wanted or ever had just for her son. Just like any mother I suppose.

Anyway, this was fantastic!

Author's Response: hey there!! I am glad you think I captured Narcissa well!! She is one of my fav too!! wow thank you so much for your amazing review!!

 Report Review

Review #35, by TeamRon Getting to know

5th August 2011:
I really like this story. I thought the characterisation of Narcissa was really good and I can't believe what Lucius did! I really loved the excitement Narcissa felt and the pain she went through when she found out what he did.

I like the scene where Narcissa and Lucius are in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express. I could almost feel the awkwardness on Lucius' part. I haven't read much of this ship, but you have definitely done it justice.

All in all this was a very enjoyable read. Keep on writing!

TeamRon (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for reading and for your amazing review. I am glad you liked my little piece =)


 Report Review

Review #36, by MyMyMiss Getting to know

5th August 2011:
Dear Person who thinks it's awesome to write Narcissa like you do ... I'm hear to tell you ! It's awesome-ness!!

The first Paragraph in your story is really well constrcuted. You use big words and little words that fit together just nicely, so your opening paragraph flowed really well with the rest of your story and it didn't drag nor bore me to tears.

I have to be honest and say I don't really read anything Lucius/Narcissa, or anyone from the Mauraders era really and I can never like them, They irk me, yet yours ceased to amaze me and I really wuite like this story.

I like how you explained near the start too about her stomach being flat (as yet), I thought that was really cute ^.^

I think Lucius however is the biggest pig on the planet, how dare he !! How dare he!! -.- *Yes I am glaring at you Aditi!!*

-She had been the reason for its existence, but now it would be the reason for her existence.

This made me smile, :) It was soo cute Ad, it really was. ^.^ Your a great writer and I think you should expand this little one shot ;) Perhaps into a short story? A few on Draco's life at Hogwarts than during and after the battle and end it where Lucius maybe die ;) Then she can be happy with just her baby boy. x Aren't my idea's crazy?? :)

Great read!!

Forum Name: MyMyMiss
House: Slytherin.

Author's Response: Did I say how much I love you MMM? If I didn't, let me say it now, I love you =)

Gosh your review really really planted a big smile on my face!!

I am glad you liked my opening paragraph, I always feel the beginning of a story should be awesome.

I am so happy that even though you generally don't read Marauders (even though technically this is not Marauders era) but you found my story good =D

Aw, I like to add those little things 'cause I find them cute too! Haha don't glare at me please, Lucius is a big pain and I can't change that fact :P

Aw thanks a lot dear. I am so flattered right now. And haha, your idea is awesome, it made me giggle out loud so I will possibly consider it, someday =P =D

Thanks sooo much once again for reading and making my day (or night actually) with your wonderful review! kudos!


 Report Review

Review #37, by slytherangoddess Getting to know

4th August 2011:
Very well done, AD! :) I loved how you portrayed the younger Narcissa and turned her into the cold unfeeling woman she is today. The change was gradual and very captivating. I love reading about Narcissa and this is why. Awesome story!!


Author's Response: hey SG!

Thanks a lot! The review means a lot to me :) I am glad you found it captivating and awesome. thanks once again!


 Report Review

Review #38, by Why So Sirius Getting to know

28th July 2011:
Ello! Pottersinsomniac here with your requested review (:

Okay, so one of the things you wanted me to comment on was the "believability" of the whole thing. Now, most of it I can believe, but there was one part related to this confused me a bit. In the summary, it says she turns into the cold Narcissa Malfoy, yet she says she wants to give Draco lots of care and love. To me, a person who is cold wouldn't want to radiate love and care for anyone.
Possibly you could reword the sentence a bit to make it seem... well... a little colder? Or maybe say she was only cold to Lucius or something. I don't know exactly how you could work that out, or maybe just give me a little insight on what you meant.

Next up, emotion intensity! Well, I could literally feel the emotion in the writing- you described it all really well, which I'm sure is what you were going for. You could see how at first she's happy and anxious with her news, and then during the flashback bit there how upset she was and then how much love she felt for Lucius even though she wasn't getting anything in return.
It's quite a sad story, really, and even though this is probably not how they met I feel alot of sympathy towards Narcissa.

As for the rest, the characterization was great and so was the plot. You can see how everything kind of boiled up and why in the end she just turned out to be a cold and just plain mean person. As for the writing style, it reminds me of my writing. I'm not positive if that's a compliment or not, depends on your view of my writing. Anyways, writing style is something an author personally develops, so I can't comment on that too much.

I really don't think there's anything else for me to add!

-Britney (pottersinsomniac)

Author's Response: Firstly, thank you for your wonderful review!

Hmm, well actually she become cold and haughty throughout the series as we see her stuck up and arrogant. Previously she was warm towards everyone but after the incident she becomes cold to the world at large. Only her son can see her kindness and love, but to the world, she only shows coldness. Hope that explains it :)

And I am glad you found the emotional intensity as well as characterization and plot good enough.

Oh, that sure is a compliment! thank you!

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and give such a thorough and nice review!! Thank you!!

 Report Review

Review #39, by GinnyWeasley_13 Getting to know

27th July 2011:
Well written; I can definitely imagine something like this taking place. It seems completely in-character for Lucius to sneak out and see another woman, and also completely in-character for Narcissa to risk everything for her baby. This story makes the reader understand Narcissa well.

Author's Response: thank you so much for reading and for your sweet review. =) Glad you liked it.

 Report Review

Review #40, by Deltaris Getting to know

26th July 2011:
I do love Narcissa. We haven't seen much of her in the series, but from what we have shows that she is a good mother. And you capture that here, even though Draco has yet to be born. She would do anything for that boy.

Lucius was brilliant. Cissy shows us a side of him that has the ability to be passionate and caring, but she also has the burden of being present for all of his evil doings. I don't see him as one to fall in love and stay faithful, so I'm glad that's the case here.

Having the majority of this be Cissy's thoughts is a great way to get everything across. What little dialogue was used in this story was perfect at showing just how things have changed for the couple.

Author's Response: thank you so much for your amazing review! it really put a smile on my face! thanks a lot!

 Report Review

Review #41, by academica Getting to know

26th July 2011:
Hello! This is academica with your review :)

You mentioned plot. I love what you've done with Lucius/Narcissa here. People often write them as the unwilling pawns in an arranged marriage, but I adore the way you've really cultivated friendship turning into love as the basis of their relationship. It's interesting that you seem to have gone the opposite direction with this one -- a marriage based on love turning into more of an arrangement. As heartbreaking as it was to read, I also liked the parallel between her ex-boyfriend and Lucius, the idea of both of them being caught in the arms of another woman. That was a very nice touch.

Characterization was spot-on as well. I can definitely imagine Narcissa seeking comfort from her husband, and I can see him turning her away rather roughly. You wrote him as 'all business', and I can definitely see that. Considering the events of DH, I think Narcissa would definitely be concerned for her child above all else. 'There is nothing I wouldn't do anymore', right? :) All of this just goes to say that the entire thing was very believable, both in characters and in plot.

The emotional intensity was perfect as well. Clearly Narcissa is upset, but she can only show so much, being a Malfoy. Also, Lucius's anger was well-placed as well -- he wasn't too patient with his wife, but he wasn't overly enraged, either.

Your writing style is very nice. It was easy to follow along with the flow of the plot and I thought you added in just the right amount of description/imagery, seeing as this piece is clearly very plot-focused. I didn't note any errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation, either.

All in all, very good work. If you don't mind, I'm going to look into Story Recommendations and put this one up under Lucius/Narcissa or another appropriate category. I think others would love to discover it and read it. Thanks so much for requesting a review, and I hope my comments are helpful!


Author's Response: hey academica!!

wow thank you so much!! your review made my day!! i am so glad you found everything all well and you're even putting it up in recommendations (How can I mind??)!! wow thanks a lot. i am really flattered.


 Report Review

Review #42, by TheDoctor Getting to know

25th July 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana here from the forums! Sorry for how late this review is but hope it helps!

Alrighty, plot first: I think you have really done Justice to Mrs. Malfoy, you gave her a youthful and naive aspect that made her outlook relatable as well as making the reader empathetic to her situation. Her hope that her child would bring love back into her marriage is believable and fits with your characterisation. The sight of her husband with another woman as motive to become cold with the exception of her deep caring for her child is very well done. It keeps true to the emathetic value of your story. Though I'm not all together sure the decision would have been at the same moment she saw Luius and the other woman. Perhaps if she went back to th manor in a rage but then had a good cry and got all of her emotions out at once then becomes cold and remains so. This change is up to you and I think it works either way but this change may help Narcissa's emotions be 'intense' enough. Again it works fine as is and and any change is up to you.

As for setting I love all the scenes at the manor though I'm not sure about how close any alleyways/buildings are in relativity to the Manor. (This being about the scene where Cissy finds Lucius and his mistress) So depending on how canon you want to be I might check Potter Lexicon to see aproximately how Malfoy Manor is situated compared to nearby buildings. Though this is just if you want to picky, it works with the story and I think you've done a great job with details so, again, up to you.

Overall I love your explanation of Narcissa's change, your characterization is really well done. I really felt bad for Cissy and her cold front was completely understandable. Well done!

Author's Response: hey there!

thank you so much for reading and taking the time to drop by such a wonderful review. I will keep your points in mind if I do an edit.

Thanks a lot once again and I'm glad you liked it.


 Report Review

Review #43, by Illuminate Getting to know

17th July 2011:
Hi! I'm here for your request!

I really liked this oneshot. You've given Narcissa a completely different dimension, and also gives a side to Lucius which I love. We don't really see a lot about their relationship, and I think you've written it well! Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your read and amazing review =)

 Report Review

Review #44, by ilharrypotter Getting to know

13th July 2011:
Hello there! ilharrypotter/Polkadot from the forums with your requested review :)

This is a very well written one-shot! Few errors that I noticed, and the details and setup are perfect for this kind of piece.

I love how you described the beginning of Narcissa and Lucius - no one thinks about how they fell in love, but it's clear that they did. I like that you laid that out for all of your readers, and you did so very well.

I do hate that Narcissa and Lucius fight in this way - but that seems like a logical part of a marriage like this, with two people like this. And I hate that Lucius betrays Narcissa - she doesn't seem like she deserves that. No one deserves that! And the Death Eater thing, as well.

In all, this is a well-written story. I enjoyed reading it, and I love that you brought some light to an often-ignored couple. Very nice job!


Author's Response: Hey Paige! Thanks a lot for the read and review. I am glad you found this a good read.

Thanks once again for your awesome review =)


 Report Review

Review #45, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Getting to know

13th July 2011:
Ah, Lucius! Little so-and-so! I excepted the Dark Mark secret but not the affair. That was a shock! Was I the only one? :)

It didn't appear clichéd or too OOC. Not at all. I enjoyed the story; a perfectly believable plot for my favorite pairing. :)
I really wished I could press the next button to see what would actually happen when she told him.

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for the awesome read and review!

I am happy that you found it believable and it sparked curiosity in you. If I ever get the time and inspiration, I would surely do the sequel of him coming to know =)

thanks a lot once again for your kind words.


 Report Review

Review #46, by psychee Getting to know

12th July 2011:
Hello! This is psychee from the forums, with the review you have requested. :) I *love* this pairing. This is one powerful, beautiful, cold Slytherin couple. I always felt that there was so much more to their back-story that hasn't been explained in the books (hopefully we'll find out more about them with the help of Pottermore). I am so glad that I had the opportunity to read this and I'll make sure to keep an eye out for more Lucius/Narcissa stories.

Moving on, I would like to point out the fact that I always felt that Lucius never truly loved Narcissa and that Narcissa was either forced to marry him in order to please her family and was in love with someone else, or that she cared about him at the beginning but was never happy by his side and lived all her life for Draco. Your story goes slightly in the second direction, and I can really see why. At first, I was a little confused - I thought that the boyfriend that had cheated on her had been Lucius and only after the next two paragraphs understood that it was some other character. The fact that the two were best friends - nice touch. You added a little more building to their relationship, making it easier for the reader to understand where Narcissa's feelings towards Lucius were coming from. Also, the fact that Lucius was cheating on her was quite a surprise as well. Never saw that one coming.

I would suggest you do a sequel of some sort to this story, with Lucius as the main character. I would love to read this story through his eyes, find out who that woman was, if he did love Narcissa at one point, why he joined Voldemort and so on. Also, you left me hanging. I was looking forward to the scene in which Lucius would find out that he'll be a father.

The spelling/grammar/punctuation area doesn't seem to be a problem for you, so I have nothing to say regarding that. I enjoyed this story and wish you good luck with your future projects.


Author's Response: Hey there!!

Yay I am so happy you liked my story!! Well If I ever do a sequel, from Lucius' POV, I will be sure to include his reaction when he comes to know he is going to be a father and will also ask you for a review!

thank you so much for your read and review once again.


 Report Review

Review #47, by Lunnah Getting to know

11th July 2011:
Hey there!! I'm here for your requested review. I was actually just thinking about all the possibilities of Narcissa's character and I was so pleased to read your story and see the direction you have taken her! We don't get to see very much of her in canon, and her actions always revolve around her love for her family. She clearly places the safety of her family above the Dark Lord's wishes and I liked how you chose to portray her character in the beginning as an open and loving girl.

I think you did a good job of setting up the kind of mother and wife she planned to be. Lucius has broken her and even though she plans on being a loving mother she has turned cold towards her husband and spoils her child irrationally. It makes sense that something like this would have happened to break apart their love for each other. I like that you wrote them in love as young adults rather than setting up their marriage as a continuation of the two pure blood families. I always wondered whether the Death Eater families really loved each other or if their marriages were more to perpetuate the blood lines.

The only criticisms I have for you would be that you might want to re-think the opening. I understand the mood you are conveying here but I think the use of the haunted description is a bit fragmented from the rest of the story. It doesn't make a lot of sense leading into your plot-line and I think a different description of the darkness inside the house would be more effective. I hope that makes sense...but the change is up to you. My only other suggestion would be to tone down the perfection of Lucius a bit just to add realism to the character.

This was a very emotional one-shot and I'm so glad you requested a review! I'm interested to see what else you've written so if you have anything else you'd like me to read please re-request! I hope this was helpful and I really did enjoy it! Nice work!

Author's Response: Hey Lunnah!

Thanks a lot for your read and review. I am so happy that you liked this.

I will work on the opening once again if I do an edit =)

Thank you so much once again.


 Report Review

Review #48, by ANP Getting to know

10th July 2011:
I really enjoy your characterisation and your portrayal of Narsissa is interesting and clearly well thought out. Also really like your premise here, the cause for her devotion to Draco, her disloyalty to Voldemort. It's great.

I think itis fairly 'intense' but with a couple of words or sayings that sort of break it for you. For example, Narcissa 'plopping' onto the couch or being 'a tad bit' disappointed. Also there is just something about your tense sometimes that was a little confusing or awkward. I think just a quick read through on your part would help make it flow a bit better looking out for tense confusion and informal language. I feel that the more formal the language the more intense it will read. But that's just me. I also felt that some of the bracketed phrases were unneeded, like 'finally' or 'flat as yet'. Maybe think of another way to fit it into the sentence.

As for scene setting, I think you do a very good job. I only have a few suggestions as far as your opening goes. When you have, 'however, it wasn't' I feel like just having 'it wasn't' would be more dramatic. Also while adjectives are great, sometimes less is better. Instead of 'eerily desolate..' just desolate will do.

Nice story, I enjoyed your writing : ). Feel free to re-request.

Miss Chris

Author's Response: hello there!

thanks a lot for the read and review.

I will look through it and keep your pointers in mind when I do an edit =)

I am glad you liked it.

thanks again,


 Report Review

Review #49, by Roots in Water Getting to know

7th July 2011:
Hey, it's Roots in Water here with your requested review!

This is a very interesting story- I haven't read many stories dealing with the relationship between Narcissa and Lucius.

The plot had a nice flow to it. It didn't rush or go too slowly- I feel that you got the right balance. As well, I like how you gave us the background to the relationship without going into too much detail.

However, I did notice a few things that can be easily corrected:
Firstly, in the sentence "She had longed to hear those words since one year" I think you meant "since year one". Secondly, with " His perfectly kempt gorgeous blonde hair", it's "kept", not "kempt" (unless kempt is a word I don't know). As well, "Previously, he had been nothing more to her than just her sister’s friend. Lucius Malfoy had just been another one of the friends of Bellatrix Black." is repetitive. Perhaps you can get rid of second sentence and incorporate the name "Bellatrix" into another sentence (replacing the word "sister").

The sentence "From a friend he slowly became a very good friend, from a good friend to a best friend, from a best friend to a small crush, and then finally, from a crush to the love of her life. " -was a very good way to show the development of their relationship, as I said before.

As for the characterization, it was IC. I definitely feel that, especially towards the end, you captured the characters we see in the books. However, the sentence "Okay, she knew she wasn’t very supportive of the whole Death Eater idea" seems out of character- it isn't what I'd picture Narcissa saying. Do you think you find a more sophisticated way of saying this?

I think you set the scene well. It isn't overly important (for me at least) to have much description of the scene other than knowing that it's at the Malfoy Manor because the story is focused more on character development. However, the only thing I'd comment on is the use of the word "sofa". It sounds to me more muggle-ish and beneath them. I can't think of a replacement word though... Perhaps you could describe it a bit more- make it seem a bit more "high end".

As for believability, yes, it was believable. To be spurned by her husband, a man she loved, would definitely be enough to turn Narcissa cold, especially since she was betrayed in two ways. It was more believable since you built up to his betrayal, as well as the fact that we already know that Lucius was a Death Eater. The one thing I'd question is if Lucius would be so indescrete with an affair- after all, he is a pureblood and appearances are important to them. I think he'd be a little more careful and cautious with his indescretions; however, he is Lucius and he is confident, so maybe he's cocky that he won't get caught.

All in all, I enjoyed reading your story- it was well-written and well-characterised.

Author's Response: Hey there!

This is one of the longest reviews I have ever received, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I am so happy that you found my story good. I will surely do an edit and keep in mind everything you pointed out. I am glad you liked the plot and the characterization and all.

Thanks once again!! you're a rockstar!!


 Report Review

Review #50, by WeasleyTwins Getting to know

3rd July 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review as requested.

When you requested, I was deeply intrigued by the story line. I like that you have made the back-story of the Malfoys your own. I must say that I would not have pictured such a thing in canon - Lucius didn't strike me as a man with do such a thing. Maybe guts isn't the right word.

Your prose is simple and straightforward, no fluffing about. I was hoping that you would /show/ us some of the instances rather than tell us. For example, the first time Narcissa heard Lucius undo the Concealment Charm. I was also hoping to see the first time they met - you described it as awkward, and so I was hoping to see that play out in a scene, such as a flashback. I'm not saying that your story is bad, no. I just wish you had employed your prose in a few flashbacks to solidify the enormity of the situation at hand. I believe that flashbacks to happier times would have given the readers a better feel for the emotion behind Narcissa's pain and the mood of the piece.

The little dialogue that you did have was good. Even though Lucius's deception isn't canon, per se, you pulled his characterization off nicely. I do like the Narcissa that we've never seen; the mother ready to love her child regardless of any lies and deceit that have fallen in her path. This goes well with the Narcissa we see at the end of Deathly Hallows.

It's definitely something I have yet to read often in fanfiction. Please feel free to re-request at any time!


Author's Response: Hello Shelby!

Thank you so much for your amazing review. I am happy that you found my little piece something different and intriguing.

Well I always tend to write sort of 'hurried' one-shots.. well hurried is not the word, but what I mean is I never write lots so I didn't include a lot of 'showing'. but if i ever do an edit, i will keep your tips in mind :)

I am glad that you liked it and found it almost close to canon (for Narcissa) and the characterization well.

Thanks a lot once again.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>