Reading Reviews for Forever
  
35 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BrightStar FOREVER

12th April 2011:
Hey! BrightStar here with your review!

This was SUCH a feel good story, even though I didnt think it would be at the start. I liked it even more when you said in the note at the end there was some personal experience that lead to you writing it.

In reviews, you've always given me really good CC so I hope I can do this for you too!

I spotted some grammar mistakes, though I'm sure with a read through you might be able to sort it out. Sometimes it was hard to follow as things were (very seldomly) worded strangely, like:

"... and also the day of the end of everything…my every little feeling…my every emotion…my oh-so-pathetic life…and the end of my love for my brother-in-law –to-be. "

This also struck me as being very dramatic - but then there was cause for it! The wording that seems odd to me may be on purpose however - who thinks in perfect English at times like these? On the same point - I thought there were a lot of brackets (like so), but then that could be just down to our differences as writers :)

On believablilty, I thought it was very believable at first, but the spur of the moment wedding thing threw me - to be honest, I thought that was ooc for your characters, and very much so for the parents (and presumably lily?) to go along with this. The ending was a little unrealistic (the honeymoon plans etc) BUT still made me feel really good and happy for rose!!!


The one other thing I noticed was the use of phrases like "I, Rose Serena Weasely". I didn't think proclaimations like this really fit with the mood of the story that you had so well established -it's oddly formal for someone freaking out isn't it? Also I found it strange your characters used their middle names so much, I don't actually know anyone who does that. HOWEVER, I realise that's just a personal thing.

Overall - I really enjoyed it. The problems above are nothing compared to the fact that this is a really good story, from a writer with a clearly vivid imagination (the descriptions of the surroundings! wow!). And I loved her relationship with Al!

Thanks for requesting!!!

- B :D

Author's Response: Hey!!

Wow, you're such an amazing reviewer! =)

Thanks a lot for your comments and pointers! I am getting the story beta-read, and once it comes from my beta, I'll give it another edit myself, keeping in mind all the points you and the other reviewers have pointed out!

I will work on the improvements!

I am glad that you enjoyed the story and you found the descriptions nice.

Thanks a lot for your time and thoughts!

Cheers!
AD


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Review #27, by CessZ FOREVER

8th April 2011:
Hey it's CessZ from the forums with your review!

I really like the concept of the story and it is very sweet with the happy ending and all but I feel there are some execution mistakes.

Firstly why does Rose call everyone with their full names? I feel full names are just used to portray when the characters are angry with someone.

Secondly in terms of believability I feel a guy ditching a girl on their wedding day for her close cousin and the girl not having any major problem with it is a little unbelievable. And he family agreeing to it is really unbelievable. Rather if you could write something about their reactions and Scorpius apologizing to Lily and convincing her otherwise would be a bit more believable.

But in the end I love happy endings and really enjoyed your story.

Thanks for requesting.

~CessZ

Author's Response: Hey Cess!

Thanks a lot for your valuable review! I'll write out a sequel with a series of one-shots from all the major characters' POV and make sure I put in the apology in there! thanks a lot for your advice!

Thank you once again!

cheers!
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Review #28, by LovelyMioneWeasley FOREVER

6th April 2011:
Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review. You were looking for some CC. Believability, likeability, grammar, flow, characterisation, overall opinion.

My overall opinion that I think that you have written an unrealistic but nonetheless likeable story. I think that the happy ending will appeal to many different readers and that they will support such a one-shot.

There are a lot of wholes for me in this in general. Holes of questions like that the only two flashbacks you include are ones where they meet and where they kiss. I wonder about when they started developing feelings for one another. And also, like, another reviewer has said, how did Ron, Harry, and Draco become so okay with this? How would LILY be so okay of this and the other characters?

My other major concern is misuse of information; I feel like that you give us details that aren't necessairly well supported or are considered unnecessary in my mind. Like Hugo pops but doesn't really have a role and his entire dialogue seems out of place with the rest of the one-shot.

Your grammar is very iffy; I'd reccomend a beta to help you read this and help change the format. It reads less like a story and more like an online conversation in places. I'd reccomend getting help for that as well.

Finally, for me, your characters are okay. Scorpius is a bit romantic and a bit of a coward in my mind; I don't understand how he is in Ravenclaw or how Rose is for that matter. You need to develop your characters a bit more and the abscence of Lily concerns.

Overall, I'd really reccomend expanding this idea to at least a short story simply because I think you have too much plot that you want to achieve. Thanks for your request; I hope that it didn't come across as too harsh.

LMW

Author's Response: hey!! Thanks a lot for your helpful review!!

I'll work on the tips now and definitely try and improve it!! Was planning to write a sequel with a collection of one-shots from Ron's, Lily's POV etc so I think that would wrap up things! And I'll improve this as well!!

Thanks a lot for your review!!

Cheers!
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Review #29, by Aderyn FOREVER

5th April 2011:
Hi, here for your review.

This isn't so bad. I think that the premise is very interesting. And the story has a nice, happy ending.

I do have a few questions/critiques for you though. First off, I'm wondering why Rose goes around calling everyone by their first, middle and last names. And why she introduces herself to Scorpius with her full name, it seems strange to me. I do like the creative middle names for her and Scorpius though--good job :D

Also, some parts of this don't seem quite plausible. I could see someone seeing their two best friends getting married and being upset because they love one of them-- that makes sense. But would Rose really want to hurt Lily by taking her happiness away. Even if the answer to that is yes, why is her family alright with it. As you say, Ron and Harry were angry--neither of them seem to be okay with it in one moment and are accepting in the next. Actually, in that regard a lot of characters are pretty fickle.

Also, watch out that your word choice is appropriate. I feel like sometimes things are too formal and sometimes too informal (like when Hugo talks). While characters can have distinct voices, I would try to keep the narration pretty consistent.

I hope this helps you! I'm sorry if I was too harsh about anything.

Author's Response: Hey!! Thanks a lot for your review!!

That entire name calling is just for more "effect" but if it seems odd, I'll edit it =)

Well yeah I was planning to write a sequel to this fic which would be a collection of 2 or 3 one-shots each from Ron's, Lily's etc POV so that their thoughts are explained better! Since my main focus for this fic was only Rose/Scorp I didn't quite mention it!!

I will work on the narrative too!

It sure was of help! Thanks a lot for your review! I'll start working on improving it right away!! Thanks!

Cheers!
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Review #30, by LilyFire FOREVER

3rd April 2011:
Hi. Lily here with your review.
It good, I like it. Your charcters are pretty three demensional, the plot is great. I can honestly see what happend to Scorpius happening to someone...but what about Lily? Isn't she upset? and Why is the rest of the family okay with this? Those are the only two problems I saw at all. The rest is great.
Feel free to rerequest.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Firstly, thanks a lot for your review!!

Hmm, maybe I should write a sequel with two or three chps each from Lily's, Ron's and perhaps Draco's POV?? Something like that?
Wow, you just gave me a new idea!!

Thanks a lot!

Cheers!
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Review #31, by strawberrydarhling FOREVER

6th March 2011:
Aw, I love Rose and Scorpius, they belong together :) And I'm so glad that they got married in the end!

Who is the girl that Draco had been in love with since fourth year?

Megan
xx

OPERATION: GREEN FOR ENVY

Author's Response: hey!!

thanks a lot for your review!!

I think rose and scorp are perfectly matched together!! I first thought of making it a sad ending, like scorp not marrying her, but then I just couldn't bear to part them =D

And that girl was Hermione. =) {according to me anyway, otheriwse its upto my readers to decide who they would want that girl to be =D}

Cheers!
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Review #32, by SerenaDiggory FOREVER

12th April 2010:
Loved it ! I love opposites attract so I went on your page , I'm not usually a second generation kind of a person but I really enjoyed this !

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot! I am glad u enjoyed it! I wil update Opposites Attract soon as well. thanks so much for reading and reviewing both my fics!

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Review #33, by whisky FOREVER

11th April 2010:
AAWWW ITS SSO SWEET!! lovey dovey mpwaness, ya know? BOOYA!

Author's Response: aww. thanks a lot.

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Review #34, by priyanka FOREVER

24th February 2010:
cool man.u can make the most impossible thing possible...nd please continue wid dramoine.

Author's Response: hey there. thanks. yah i will continue for sure but will update in april.!

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Review #35, by Katie Pappano FOREVER

10th February 2010:
Cute little one-shot you've got here. It's cool that you have a real life story behind it. :)

Author's Response: hey thanks so much. You're the first one to review and I am so glad..! You just made my day :-) Why dont you give 'opposites attract' a read too? Thanks..!

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