I like this one a lot. It has the same feeling that I'm going through right now. Thanks so much for your work. Is helping me get through a period of depression.
Cathie Author's Response: Ah! It makes my day to know that my fic helped you like that :) I've found that Unraveling's ultimately has a rather hopeful ending. I hope you get through the rough times soon. Report Review
Hello Gina, darling.
This was lovely! I have a special place in my heart for stories that have a more fluid concept of time and I really liked the way you told the story. I also have a very deep understanding of the desire to 'help' or 'fix' a guy and having them take advantage of the fact, though I must admit I prefer the way Rose handled it.
This was a great character study of both Rose and Scorpius that was very believable and I enjoyed it a lot!
AnnieAuthor's Response: Hullooo Annie! I really love those ~fluid time~ fics too. They have that lovely conciseness to them. I suppose the blame goes both ways for them, as Rose knew he was taking advantage of her, encouraging it even, for the sake of believing he was really hers. I imagined Scorpius to know full well of this fact, and that he only pressed on because she let him.
Thanks for reading! :D Report Review
Really well written story that I enjoyed very much. Not the typical 'love' story, but a good exercise in bonding that will last. Moving on - sometimes is the best.
Thanks for sharing.Author's Response: Indeed, sometimes the relationships that aren't romantic are the ones that change people most! Thanks for the review :) Report Review
I was trying to find a Scorp/Rose story that didn't start with hate. I think I've found it :) Although it wasn't a full on romance, the dynamics between the two made my day.Author's Response: Hah, I didn't realize it was so rare! I'm glad you enjoy their strange relationships :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hi! I'm so so sorry. It's Broomsticks from the forums with your review that you requested at the beginning of September and it's now... a day shy of November. I am SO sorry! I hope this can still be of some use to you, especially as I really enjoy reading this I feel kind of guilty that I'm not helping you!
First of all, I feel like I should say I never followed the Sco/Rose wave. I mean, I hated how people characterized Rose and I just wasn't really interested in them. I have to say, I was/am a massive Scorpius/Dominique fan, for some reason I can't explain other than I guess I just like them because they get less attention than Sco/rose? I don't know, nevertheless, I am a diehard Sco/Dom shipper and didn't really enjoy Sco/Rose untill I read this fic.
I absolutely adore the characterizations. They are both very annoying, very idiotic and very flawed. And yet it's so easy to love them. It was really a beautiful piece of writing. It was so easy to believe in these characters. With next gen anyone is free to do anything, but I believe that the way you portrayed them was very believable. Both of them are very irritating but in an interesting and compelling way, and I felt like shouting at the screen "Just love each other!" But of course they didn't, but I am glad, because it was more beautiful because of it.
I almost want to say the beginning was a little cliché, but I think that would be unjust. Of course, the old partner set up has been used before, but I sometimes think that's because it's the most common way for two strangers to suddenly be in a situation together. Sometimes, people are two worried about clichés y'know? Anyway... carrying on... please ignore my ranting!
I thought the characterizations were really lovely because it was clear from the beginning what the two characters were like and how similar they were to each other. I thought that first 'section' was a brilliant introduction for the story. The use of the matching wands was awesome. And there is something about this line which is so lovely:
[There was a slight hesitation as his brows furrowed almost imperceptibly, loosening as a short chuckle escaped his lips. "Mine is too."]
I could see it so clearly. That is another thing I wanted to compliment you on, the way you described them physically. All their little twitches and voice-tones etc, really built up the scene and made it so much easier to really know the characters.
This situation is so believable because of course she would be in love with him. An extract from one of my favourite books says something like "Girls think they can actually change guys. The thing is, if they actually did, they'd get bored. They'd want a challenge again." And it's true, I think that Rose and the other girls in this wanted to feel they they were needed - like it was their purpose to fix Scorpius. But if they did, then they wouldn't have that attraction anymore.
There is something so beautiful and raw and growing-up-ish about Rose's relationship with Scorpius. They understand each other perfectly, but they would only make each other miserable. I think everyone knows this side of themself, the brooding side, and how it feels to get stuck there sometimes, so that's why I think this fic is so relatable to.
I love how they don't end up together. It breaks my heart, but it's how it should be. It's so sad that they aren't even friends anymore. But it's got this beautiful honesty to it. And I'm not going to lie, I'd secretly love it if they found a way to be together, but then this fic wouldn't be as wonderfully unique as it is! Haha. But it's not a truley sad ending, it's just an interesting one. And yay for not romantic! Anyway, to conclude, I absolutely loved this fic. So much. It really is a wonderful observation of people and growing up.
Okay so as for the things you mentioned to me to look at in the request: well, I know it sounds cheesy, but not everyone is going to be able to relate to what you write. I don't think it's a matter of detail because the story flows well and is well explained, so for those people who aren't getting it, I think it's matter of they just can't really relate to the situation. I don't think you can make it any clearer. So don't worry about that :)
This was such a lovely piece to read because the characters were so interesting, and it feels like you can really talk in depth about them.
I'm sorry by how late this review is, a brilliant piece, if I ever got any good recording sofware I'd love to record it for HPPC or something.
Request again whenever you want/need!
Hope you're well!
edit: 0_0 omgz. I'm so sorry for how long this is. I didn't realize D: I ramble...Author's Response: Wow, a review essay! *___* Hehe it's been changed a few times since I requested that review, but it's great knowing your view about this fic :D
I like to write stories that can be translated to original fiction easily, and Rose and Scorpius seemed to fit the role. And that's why I do indeed love next-gen. Heh, I think the partner setup is actually quite common in real life, because that's how I end up meeting most people I wouldn't normally talk to, so I tried to write it so it wouldn't seem obviously convenient.
I really have to owe my characterization and descriptions to the fact that this fic is based off real life (I'm trying really hard to match the quality in my other fics, but it's a struggle!). I'm glad you really like all the details!
For Rose, it's not so much about changing him, though she does wish she could be the one to change his disposition and make him happy. She wants to be the one who figures him out, the one that he needs by his side.
It's the kind of relationship that a lot of people want together, so you're not alone xD The allure's that they do really understand each other, and it's a very potent relationship to have. It's not so much as they aren't friends as their relationship has always been very odd to define since the beginning. They were never the type to simply hang out together for fun; it's almost as if they had a purpose for each other in order to make the other person grow up and that purpose was fulfilled.
After getting so many reviews of people who relate to this, I'm okay with it now :D I'm glad you like it too! And this is the fic I wanted to record first for a podcast when I have the time, so I'd love it if you wanted to record it!
Thanks for the really long review 8DDD I love rambling! Report Review
Uhm, wow, this was brilliant! I admit that I was daunted at first because of the word count, but when I started reading, I couldn't stop.
You've created such deep, complex characters using the simplest of words. No fancy descriptions or dialogues -- everything was pretty straightforward, yet each line had so many facets to it. Gah. I can't even explain it properly!
It was quite an experience reading this. My heart broke so many times, and I was still hoping until the end that they would get together, even though deep down I knew that they could never be. At first I didn't get it - why couldn't they? - but as I read on, I understood. Scorpius put it perfectly: they'd kill each other before making each other happy.
It's been a while since I've read something like this. So simple yet so profound. Just in case it wasn't obvious, I loved this. Brought out so many emotions in me. Congratulations on such a fantastic piece!Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'm a pretty straightforward person when it comes to my writing, and though I'm learning to work with fancier stuff, I'm glad to know that the simplicity fit this fic.
If I hadn't gone through this myself, I think I'd cheer for them too. I think if Rose and Scorpius were a little stronger with more years behind them and more years apart, they won't kill each other, and they'd have a chance if their feelings were mutual. But it's a lot of 'what ifs'.
Thank you again! Report Review
This is just an exquisitely thoughtful and deeply satisfying story. This may be my ultimate Scorose, and the ending is perfect.
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading such a mature and beautifully written story, and I think you've created realistic, relatable characters. You should be very proud of this piece and I look forward to reading more of your work.
10/10Author's Response: Ahhh, this means so much coming from you *__* This fic's pretty unique, since when it comes to fandom, I'm pretty escapist in what I like to read and write. This, however, is essentially an autobiography in a HP world. And I'm finding that I really do like writing from real life, as hard as it is to face the cynical bits, and reviews like yours really encourage me (as someone who does not typically write) to write more :) Report Review
I love the way this was written. You included all that you needed to. You worte the perfect amount. Rose was studious and stubborn, just how I expected her to be. Scorpious was just bloddy fantastic. I love the idea of this story. I also loveAuthor's Response: Thank you :) I like being concise and I think it fits Rose's voice well. Report Review
I understand the lost feeling and Scorpius' negativity. Trust me.
Brilliant story. Is it finished? xAuthor's Response: Yup. I intend for it to be just a look at how Rose and Scorpius changed because of each other. Glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
Hello there! Schoenemaedchen here with your review from the boards...
That is, if you still remember requesting the review. I apologize that it has taken me so long to get to this. I've been quite busy. But here I am.
So you're main concerns were that maybe you were tripping up the reader or that the story was clunky in places, and whether or not you've fixed it properly.
Most interesting is that you've labled your fic as complicated--I don't think its really complicated. The world is complicated, and this seems like a pretty good coming of age relationship story. Maybe its complicated for those who only read fluff and are used to clear cut endings, but I think its a great concept of a story you got here.
I'm a bit surprised you explained the story at the end in your Author's note, though. I think this kind of took away from the reader's own interpretation, at least for me.
This is just my thoughts on the matter, but when you put in an Author's note telling the reader what you want to happen, I think you open yourself up to more criticism, because the reader can say stuff like, "Oh geeze, well she did that really BAD or that was OK; I got that." Do you know what I mean? I think your story is great enough in content to stand alone without your A/N...really! I hope you haven't put the notes in just for the one person that gave you a review saying they didn't understand!
So in regards to clunkiness. I generally file this under the "flow" critique section of my review. This is a rather long one-shot, longer than average. That's not a bad thing, but you have an extremely large time span compacted into 5,600 words...
For me, personally, it was a bit overwhelming to have so much stuff happen in just one one-shot. Your content here could EASILY be put in a Novella or in x number of parts of a short story. So in regards to a solution of fixing things, that would be one possibility.
It is a bit clunky at time because you don't really have what I would refer to as "filler" information; you kind of just jump from one scene to the next. What kind of trips the reader up is the fact that the scenes aren't entirely related. There's no flow that connects the two scenes. If you want to improve flow, you have to find some sort of connection between the two or words that strongly show a transition in time.
On the other hand...though those are just suggestions for "fixing"...I kind of like the style. I think I would have really enjoyed the scene by scene style you did if it hadn't happened over such a long period of time. So I think what you're doing is quite within the realm of possibility, which is where splitting it up into like chapters wouldn't overwhelm the reader. Just an idea!
I wanted to say more to the general plot. I really did enjoy the concept you have behind your story. I think you've handled the characters in a very unique way and I really enjoyed the way you portrayed them. I actually am not a HUGE fan of Next-Gen, but the way you wrote your characters was extremely pleasant, I found!
Every scene you present in your story is great. You set up such wonderful scenes! I just think the structure surrounding your story takes away from it a little bit. The conversations that Rose and Scorpius have are great. So, definitely big compliments there.
Sometimes in your plot it was a bit confusing, like where you talked about his apprenticeship. I mean...I know what you're talking about, but it is something not really covered in the books in detail. This is where you can definitely take some more creative license and add some things. It would be great "filler" material as well.
I realize this review was kind of full of CC, but I want to emphasize to you how I really enjoyed the basic concept of your story! I think your concerns about flow and understanding would be alleviated if you just changed the structure up a bit! Thats kind of my summary of the review.
Otherwise, yeah. If you do make any changes in the structure and you want some feedback, would love to remark. Just request on my page once again.
Take care and great work!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Hullo! :) Thanks for leaving such a long review!
I guess I've always been ultra-self-conscious of this fic because it's so personal, and I was always afraid it'd be confusing and people wouldn't get it. I do actually have an edit that takes the explanation out I think, it just hasn't gone through yet.
Something to connect the sections better, that's a great idea! I'm glad you like the scene by scene style though, because it's my intended structure (to sort of keep things brief & relevant), but I'm still learning how to execute it properly. I think I might resubmit with different years as a different chapter, so it's a short story. I was never a good judge of overwhelming length, as someone who loves really long one shots xD
Thank you once again for your review :) Report Review
I love this.
I hope it's not cliche to say, but I feel like you've written the last 3years of my life in HP form lol.
I think the key point was being grateful for the years as a learning experience, regardless of the heartache that came with them. I know I would be half the person I am without my experiences, and I think you understand this only too well.
Thanks for such a wonderful story. I think this is one of my favourites on this whole site, you struck the right balance between description and truth.
Mediocre.Author's Response: This fic is definitely based on my experiences with learning from my mistakes, and writing about it let me embrace them for what they made me. Growing up is all very complicated so it was tough to capture into words. That you can relate to the experience really makes me glad I wrote this all down. Thank you! :) Report Review
Hello! Here with your review.
So, right off you set that they were in the same House, but which one? I know JK established Scorpius was a Slytherin, is that where they are? Cute with the wands. :D
Rose is funny, she's like her mom and dad combine. Clever and a bit of a show off.
So, overall it felt really rushed and packed. I didn't really understand about 90% of it, to be honest. I mean, I understood what was happening, but not a lot of why or whathaveyou. It was almost like you took a section from each chapter of a long fic an combined them.
I did get the message, like you said. Not everything is ribbon and bows and such, but it was still a little whispy. I didn't feel like I got a lot of content, more just fragments.
Sorry. I don't like being harsh or anything. :/ --JennaAuthor's Response: Hi! I put them in the same house but as to which one is up to the reader. In the end, the fact that they are in the same house is more important than which one. Heh, I didn't know that JK said that Scorpius was a Slytherin.
It's okay, I understand that the sort of fragmented style can turn people off. Being vague was part of the intention, though I'm not sure how to execute it better. I guess I'm alienating half my audience, haha. In a way, I do want it compact, to just focus on the important parts of their interactions, but maybe I'll expand some parts to sound less rushed. But I also don't want to compromise the style of the fic at the same time, so I'll have to think about how to do it.
In the end, I guess I just wanted people to leave with the feeling that both of them grew up because of each other. I think I'll clarify Rose's transformation a bit more.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I lovee this story. Author's Response: Thank you! ^__^ Report Review
Wow. This was just wonderful. Really, I loved it and I'm glad you asked me to review it! :)
Anyways, I really liked how you characterized Rose. She was quite different form a lot of Rose's that I've read about before, so I really liked that. :) Scorpius was rather interesting too, even if he was a bit of a jerk at some points. :P
The ending was really unexpected. I didn't think that they would both just move on, so congrats for not having a predictable ending! That being said, I really liked the ending that you chose, and how they both sort of used each other as stepping stones along the way to becoming more mature. Really brilliant.
There were a few errors in this, but I believe that most, if not all, were just typos and words being in the wrong place. Nothing too major.
I didn't really find any parts to be too dry or too rushed. I thought that the flow that you had to it suited the feel of the story just fine.
Overall, a brilliant story. Definetly being added to my favourites. ;)Author's Response: Aww thank you! :) Heh, Rose's characterization is really up in the air in the books, so I just took the fact that she had the pressure of being from a talented wizarding family and Scorpius pressure from the Malfoy name and ran with it! And both of them are jerks, really xD But maturing jerks!
Yup, in the end, it's more coming-of-age than romance. Though they both learned their lessons, I don't think they would ever truly be able to eke out a happy life together. They are, as Scorp said, not meant to be that way.
I submitted an edit earlier that fixed up some syntax stuff. Hopefully I caught most of them. xD
Thanks for reviewing ^__^ Glad you enjoyed it :D Report Review
Woah! This is definitely far from the fluffiness that I was used to read from you. But it still had that traces of justonemorefic on it. Like the beginning of this, when Rose and Scorpius became partners - a little cliche, yes, but as always, you managed to 'de-cliche' it with how you developed the story and the characters. It's very nice to see you writing more!
There's this one scene, during that Divination class with another boy named Edgar, that slightly confused me at the beginning. When Scorpius and Rose were talking, I had this impression that they were the only two people in that table. Then Edgar spoke in the end, about the two being the biggest elitist he's ever met, and I was like 'who's Edgar again?' Haha. Made me laugh.
I love Rose in this story. Really. She's not the usual Rose I'm used to reading from other fics. Usually they portray her as Hermione's carbon-copy, almost perfect, even shy, and I like how differently you chose to write her. You didn't waste time to sugarcoat her to us readers by showing us how beautiful of a person she really is and THEN showing us her flaws - you just went right in there and said Rose is an egghead, don't mess with her!
A lot of times, I don't really get the whole 'bad boy attraction' thing, but I think you really made me think about it more just by reading this. Not that I considered Scorpius a 'bad' boy in the story, he's more like a brooding presence I guess, but I sort of get why Rose was attracted to him. Yes, I think 'attraction' is the word I want to use here. I don't think she's really in love with him. Like this statement from her:
"You say all these things like you're the world's punching bag, looking for pity. But really, you're just looking for attention. So stop sounding like you're better than everyone else."
She simply gets him, you know? And being as young as they are, I think it's normal that Rose misinterpreted her feelings. Besides, I think it's in her personality too. She's very intellectual, she loves to be challenged and Scorpius is just like a one giant jigsaw puzzle for her to solve. When she finally figured him out, she got possessive, it was her who solved the mystery behind him after all, so in a weird, twisted way, he did belong to her. But I think Scorpius had a better weigh on her character than she had with his. You've shown that beautifully with this line:
"But we'd kill each other before we make each other happy."
Scorpius is a git, because he used her in some sense; but then Rose used him too, in a way, so that makes the two of them gits. Haha. I'm so happy for Rose when he found Eli. She lost herself a little, while she was busy chasing after Scorpius and I didn't want to see her that way. The ending to this is a happy one, I think. Moving on is always good, after all.
Gosh, look at how long this review turned out! I don't even know if you can call this a review. I'm sorry if some of the things I just said didn't make sense at all. Haha. I was so intrigued with the characters here that for some reason my brain just went into analytical mode.
*attempts to make a decent review with the last paragraph*
In a nutshell, I simply loved how you wrote this whole complicated pseudo-romance relationship between Rose and Scorpius. Very nice. I honestly enjoyed reading this. Keep writing (you know you want to) ! ^_^Author's Response: I totally have been stalking my reviews tonight. And I was like OMG, I didn't think I'd get such a long one so soon! *__* And yes, this is far from fluffy xD
I haven't read much Next Gen fic, other than parodies, so I guess I don't have much to base it off of. Since Rose is like an OC in that we don't know much canon about her, I just sort of... projected, I guess xD
And YES, BROODING BAD BOY ATTRACTION! That is exactly what I wanted to get across! Puzzles--plenty get obsessed with trying to figure them out, especially someone like Rose. And with how well they understand each other, she does mix up infatuation and love. You don't know how much I love you right now for putting that all into words *__*
And they are both gits indeed! But ah, such is the way of growing up. It's very scary going down that road, but it just makes it so much better when they're able to finally slap themselves silly and get a grip!
I'm just so happy you *got* it, because I basically wrote everything that I could remember from my own experience and I was worried that it wouldn't make sense to anyone else xD But it seems that I have got the point across. Complicated pseudo-romance, woo!
Thank you so much for this review ^_^ Report Review
I think part of my heart just broke.
~SAuthor's Response: Oh dear, but hopefully it was worth it to see both of them grow up! :0 Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection