Reading Reviews for Cage
  
170 Reviews Found

Review #26, by shadowycorner Let's Sit in the Back

16th August 2009:
You do this well, the horror thing. I know it hasn't fully developped yet, but I already got chills fromt he dream Clyde had. You described it so it felt real. Then the rest of the chapter went well, it was the little necessary exposition and all that, but then the ending of this chapter is just...fantastically horrible. When I imagine what it must be...to be left in the dark of the woods and nothing but empty fields, seeing the rest of the train going on...I swear I felt dread lurch in my stomach. It just came as so vivid and I have no other words to describe it. Simply, the cliffhanger and the overall effect of the scene and what just happened is huge and you wrote it perfectly.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you could start to feel the horror creeping in. That was what I was going for =) I can't tell you how happy I am that you felt the dream was real. That was a difficult thing to pull off. =P

Thank you so much! To get such a real reaction out of you is awesome and it makes me feel so good ^_^ Thank you so much!


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Review #27, by shadowycorner Typical Tuesday

16th August 2009:
I have to be honest with you. At first I groaned to myself when I saw seven chapters ahead of me. I admit that if I don't pick out a story myself, and even if I do, I rarely get past the first half of the first chapter. But then, this was the intriguing Cage I've heard so much about. I remember when you first posted it. I wanted to read it after taking a look at the summary, but just like with other stories, I never really got to it. (I think I'm really a horrible reader and reviewer). ANYWAY, I think this first chapter was great. At first I was disappointed by the lack of action and horror, but then I realized that you have an OC here and this was simply an amazing and clever way how to introduce him to the readers. Because really, if we were to just jump into the horrors et cetera straight away, Clyde would feel foreign and awkward. But after this chapter we've gotten the wind of who he is and therefore reading the story from his perspective will be all the more interesting. He really has this raw edge that I like.

I have to say the piece from the paper, about the incident in the Spanish school, chilled me, and I really wonder whether it bears any significance to the plot. I think it does, since they're leaving to school tomorrow on a train...connection? Well, I'll just wait and see. :)

I just wanted to say...if they're leaving for seventh year, that means the war with Voldemort is in full swing, no? I know it tends to get weary to describe it in every fic, but still some small mention should be there.

Still itīs so captivating for now. No wonder so many people like and recommend this story. :) I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Liz

Author's Response: XD That's totally understandable. Really? Had you heard of this story before? o_O That's interesting...

I was thinking of a horror movie when I was writing this. Horror movies don't just start right into the action, right? That was my aim, and I'm glad you understood that =)

Clyde was so much fun to write. =) I'm glad you like him ^_^

Yes. You'll just have to wait and see ^_^

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review and I'm glad you like it ^_^


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Review #28, by Fuzzy_Slippers Reality Check

16th August 2009:
'Don't you remember studying dreaming in Divination class?'
I thought for a moment. 'I remember dreaming in Divination class,'

Ha.
Well, another good chapter. Vandy's character was explored a bit, and I found I like her. At first I worried she'd be a bit of a flat love interest, but you managed to make her pop. I like how you described the abruptness of Clyde's realization that he needs to change - from her mouth, the girl he had esteemed for so long, it was law. I'm also starting to feel the atmosphere of the story begin to get thicker, more pressing - actually like the title, like a cage. My only comment is that Luna could be a bit more dreamy; she hasn't mentioned one ridiculous magical creature. I personally can't write Luna at all, because she's just so . . . Luna.
I see that the story is completed and that it has seven chapters. I'll read and review the next four if I see you respond to the ones I've left. : )

Author's Response: Thank you! Vandy was... difficult to write, to be honest. I wrote her based on how I wanted Clyde to react, so that was kind of hard to maintain. I'm glad you liked her, though. =)

Luna is by far the most difficult character to write. I'll work more on her. Thanks =)

Thank you! I'm glad you like this story and I look forward to seeing your opinion on the rest of the story =)


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Review #29, by Fuzzy_Slippers Let's Sit in the Back

16th August 2009:
'I ran. Fuck being a man; I wanted to live.'
Nice. I really enjoy how realistic this story is. Like you're reading something about a real person, instead of this perfect doll whose only flaw is the scattering of freckles across her nose that she laments about continuously. (Sadly, there are too many fics like that.) Clyde really reminds me of Sydney Carton from 'A Tale of Two Cities'. He feels like scum, like he's never going to be able to do anything with his life and he can't change it; he feels like he taints a girl who he sees as pure and innocent. Hopefully he turns out to be just as brave as Carton turned out to be. : )
The description of his family life, of his car, of his smoking habit, is just all so real. I'm wondering where you're going with the 'murder on the Spanish Express' plotline - it's interesting. I still love the relationship between Neville and Clyde. Like he loves Neville, but his nature makes him bitter about even his best friend.

A couple of minor comments. The character of Neville's gran seems a tiny bit OOC. She was always pretty stern with Neville, so I think she'd be a bit less 'super-gran' with Clyde, who is the poster child for 'teenage dirtbag'. But as she's probably not going to appear much, I'd say it doesn't matter much. Just something you might want to tweak in order to keep things flowing smoothly.
Also, in the first chapter I believe that Clyde's last name was something different than Matthewson. Perhaps Rogerson? You might want to go back and switch it to Matthewson; it's something that readers pick up on and it throws off the flow a bit.
But otherwise another interesting chapter. I'll tell you in the next review if I'll continue reading without the need of a re-request.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you like it. It's such an amazing compliment to hear that you feel that this story is real. That was my aim, and I tried really hard. =)

When I was writing this, I totally forgot about canon Neville's gran. I was just thinking of my own grandmother XD But I wanted to show how Clyde's charm could just take someone.

I know, I messed up. I'll get his name fixed. Thanks for pointing that out. =)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews =)


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Review #30, by Fuzzy_Slippers Typical Tuesday

16th August 2009:
I don't think it lacks luster at all. In fact, I found the main character incredibly engaging. I like the fact that he's a male OC - I see so few! I also like the fact that he's got a bit of bite to him, you know? He smokes, he swears, he's a bit of a womanizer . . . yeah, he can go a long way. I'm excited to see where you take him. : ) The fact that he's friends with Neville is something different - I always found that poor Neville got the short end of the stick, dormitory wise, what with Dean/Seamus pairing off and Harry/Ron getting all buddy-buddy . . . it's nice to see Neville with a best friend as well. I assume that he's in Neville's year and included in the same dormitory room (branching off a bit from the books)?

I thought you did a good job with Neville. He had just the right amount of bashfulness. The dynamic between Neville and Clyde was nice - Clyde has changed over the years but they're still close; they still retain that 'every Tuesday' routine.

Very nice writing. It really reflected the bluntness of Clyde's character. You have me interested. : D

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you like Clyde. I didn't really think about what else was on the archive as far as OCs go - my vision was just this harsh-speaking OC who doesn't care. I'm glad you like him!

I'm glad you like the friendship Neville has with Clyde. I thought it would be interesting to see what side of Neville a person like Clyde would bring out.

Thank you!


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Review #31, by AntigoneBlack Finale

16th August 2009:
Holy. (I would cuss there, but it wouldn't be polite).

Wow. This is a little bit more then what I am used to. But I think that you wrote it very well. It was tragic. But well written. I like that you wanted to keep in the grammatical mistakes on purpose, although I did read a blog where you said that you never proofread... But I still like the message it gave off. Clyde doesn't need to bother with grammar rules, he's got a bunch of stuff to deal with.

I have to say that it was very believable, and I liked it, even though it's not my forte to read horror.

One thing that, if you ever revamped this, I would redo the death of Vandy, I was so confused about how exactly she died. Was it from the glass? Or just exhaustion?

Wonderful, Wonderful.
Antigone.

Author's Response: XD

Thank you! I knew it was a stretch asking you to read this because you don't like harsh violence, but I'm so glad you liked it.

I didn't really read this over before I posted it on the archive, but the grammatical mistakes were purposeful. I mean, when I was writing it up the first time, I put incorrect grammar in on the first shot. =)

Vandy died from a little bit of both. Her mind was unraveling from the beginning and by the time she got out the window, she was just spent.

Thank you so much!


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Review #32, by Indigo Seas Let's Sit in the Back

15th August 2009:
Here again! ^.^

Goodness, this is so exciting! The first chapter was relatively slow, but this one started out so fast! It was really amazing how you tied the two together. So really, really good job on that. ;)

I really loved your beginning. I love it when authors start with some kind of astonishing line or bit of dialog that instantly wakes the reader up and demands that they pay attention to the words on the screen.

Also, your ending was just fantastic. I mean, any chapter that ends with a cliff-hanger is a favorite of mine. ;)

I really like how you've characterized Clyde. Even though I've only read about him for two chapters, I feel like I know him pretty well. That's really great, especially because he is still progressing.

Favorite line: "She smiled at my charm. My fake, plastic, rehearsed charm."

Great job, and feel free to re-request (though I might stop by even if you don't, because I'm enjoying reading this)!

- Rin

Author's Response: Eek! Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. I had to kind of get the ball rolling so to speak, with the first chapter. This one just jumps right into it - I couldn't wait anymore, I was too excited!

I'm so glad you like Clyde. I really enjoyed writing him and if I can bring that love to the readers, that's awesome. =)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews =)


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Review #33, by Indigo Seas Typical Tuesday

15th August 2009:
Ilia! Here as requested. ^.^

This was certainly interesting. I mean, I'm so used to reading your very current style, so this was a little surprising, just because you have evolved and grown oh so much. Still, I really like it. Everything flows, the dialog seems perfectly natural, and I'm absolutely in love with your descriptions!

I didn't find any grammatical errors, so that's always nice. I hate it when I'm reading a good story and there's loads of stupid mistakes. So kudos to you for keeping it clean.

Also, I'm really excited to see how you develop this story! The summary and banner make it seem very, very dark (which I'm sure it is), but this chapter was not as dark as I was expecting. It was a great introduction, and I can't wait to see how this evolves. :)

Great job so far!
- Rin

Author's Response: Thank you! That's exactly why I've kept this story on the archive - to show how much I've grown. I can feel it, too.

Thank you so much! I really hope you enjoy the rest of this story. Thanks for your awesome review =)


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Review #34, by Elesphyl Typical Tuesday

15th August 2009:
Hey there Ilia - this is Kalina (psychee) from TDA here with your review. :)

Man, this Clyde guy, he's really a piece, isn't he! I love the way you've characterized him. You can sense the rebellion within him, but he's also very grounded, and, obviously, very loyal. What I wonder, though, is how precisely he changed so much. You mentioned he was a pipsqueak in his earlier Hogwarts years ... what made him change? You simply state that he did. I'd like to know precisely why.

To be frank, I thought Clyde and Neville were a lot older when I started reading this. Clyde I pictured as twenty-something. He's definitely got the maturity. And Neville is level-headed enough that I can imagine him as a twenty-something-year-old too.

The flashback with Jessamine - gotta say, I think that's partly why I thought Clyde was so much older. He says "I was sixteen", as though that excuses his madness. He's still only seventeen! Also - watch your tenses. In the beginning paragraph it's in present tense, but the rest of the chapter is past. Just keep an eye out for continuity.

Over all, this was a very well-written chapter. Congratulations on what I'm sure is a fantastic story. I'm curious as to how it ties into the Ultimate Horror theme you've been challenged with.

Great job!
Kalina

Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, Clyde certainly is one of his kind, eh? XD It was really fun writing him - I'm glad you liked reading him. You'll have to read on to find out how he changes =P Maybe I'll make another stop in your review thread. =)

It's interesting that you mention their feeling older because I felt that way too. To be honest, when I was writing it, I could see them as in their twenties as well, but I just didn't do anything about it for the sake of the story. This was my vision, and I wanted to go with it.

The tenses switch throughout the story. I know I should stick to one, but when I'm writing first person, I sort of let it flow more than when I'm writing in third. I feel like in first person, that freedom is allowed.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. I care about your opinion very much because I respect you as a writer. =) Thanks!


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Review #35, by blueirony Finale

14th August 2009:
It has almost taken me a week to get around to reviewing this. For that, I am sorry. I only really have time to review towards the end of the week - Uni will, literally, be the death of me. Argh. So, yes. I am sorry for the tardiness of this review.

I'm still... I'm still reeling a bit from this story. I think that stories that are written well have this amazing... power. Yes, power is the right word. It's as if they pull you in, suck you into a world where nothing exists but the story. You are not aware of the sounds around you, you aren't aware that you're staring at a screen, you just... you forget absolutely everything. You even forget who you are and where you are. All you know is the story. And, man, that is something that I absolutely adore.

God, I'm not doing that feeling justice. It's so hard to put into words. It's just this... gripping power that leaves you breathless. Perhaps it's just me. But that is honestly how I have always felt about writing.

This story had that. And that, truly, is the highest compliment I can give you.

I have already reviewed this before. Chapter 5, from memory. But I'm so glad that I had the chance to re-read this. It's just... Clyde. It's all him. His voice, his thoughts, his desperation. His character makes the story. And you wrote him so well. So fruiting well. And I hope you realise that I don't mean 'fruiting', I mean something a little bit more... poignant. But I'm not kidding. His character is done so fruiting well.

It was just so... real. Too often I read writers who just don't do first person justice. But you did so well. His desperation and all of his random, jumbled thoughts are just so... real. Really, really real. (Loved the Breakfast Club reference!) I just nominated you for the Dobby's for Best OC and I truly hope you get it. But even if you don't, just know that you probably have one of the best OCs I have ever read. And, believe me, I have read a hell of a lot of OCs.

You did the Horror genre justice. It was just... eerie. This whole thing. If it were a horror movie, I don't even think it would have a soundtrack. Just lots of... silence. And eerieness. That's the third time I've used the word 'eerie' but I honestly think it's the best word to describe it. Luna's sobbing fit. Valdy's hysteria. Nevile's silence. Clyde's desperation for a cigarette. The isolation. The darkness. Holy hell, how did you write it so fruiting well?

The deaths of all of the other three characters shocked me. Really shocked me. But, you know what? It just... works. This story would have been ruined if it was happy. If all four of them had come home, all changed for the better and skipped off into the sunset, I would be so disappointed. Yes, it was shocking that they died. Yes, Clyde still smokes. Yes, he didn't really change for the better, per say. But that's what this story needed.

I think it's really interesting that, if I had to come up with 'themes' for this story, the most obvious one would be 'cigarettes'. It's such a horrible thing. But if fits Clyde to a tee. And, as someone has already mentioned, I do love the irony that it was cigarettes that 'saved' him. But, then again, is he really saved?

Wow. Ok. I'm falling into risky territory here. I feel almost like I'm about to sit here and write an analytical essay about this story. But it's just so... there are so many layers to it. And you didn't even put that much description in it! I'm jealous! I want to write like you do.

Be proud of this. It's an awesome story.

-Ju :]

Author's Response: Okay, I'm going to attempt to respond to this now. I'm sorry it's taken me this long but I've just been reading this over and trying to find adequate words.

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about, and I'm absolutely flabbergasted that you feel that way about my story. I can't explain to you how happy I am that my story can raise such a strong emotion in you as the reader. It almost brings tears to my eyes.

XD I have to say that Clyde was so much fun to write. It really was all about him, as you said, and I'm so glad you didn't get bored of his voice. That was a big concern of mine - that people would read this and be like WTF, who is this Clyde person?

Thank you so much! A Dobby Nomination?! Wow, thank you! I can't thank you enough. It means so much to me to hear that Clyde is one of the best OCs you've read. I wanted to make him different than all the others so that he would stand out, and I knew that if I did that, it would either work spectacularly for fail miserably. I'm so happy to hear that you felt the former. =)

The horror for this was inspired by a raw fear. I wanted to strip these characters of their magical padding and get down to what really scares people - if I make them real people, just like you and me, it would be scarier, I thought. I'm so glad you liked that =)

I didn't want to end this story with a happy ending where Clyde changed for the better because I felt like that would ruin everything I'd built up Clyde to be. Thank you so much.

I am so flattered that you have picked up on all the underlying themes I put in there. You are my dream reader for this story. I can't thank you enough.

Seriously, I don't know what to say. Thank you so much ♥


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Review #36, by midnightxskies Finale

10th August 2009:
You used a great example of irony again. Cigarettes are supposed to kill you, yet they were the thing that saved Clyde's life.

I love how he came completely undone in the beginning, his thoughts jumping around so much. It was really realistic.

I'm almost surprised that all of them didn't die, though. For some reason, I figured you would end it that way, but I love being surprised! I hate it when a story is predictable.

The last sentence was very well placed, and i think it was the perfect way to end everything. I also think it's good that Clyde learned so much from his near death experience. I think it kind of showed him that he wasn't turning into the best person he could be.

I loved your story because it was so well written and unique. It was so clever, and you must have put so much work and thought into it because it clearly shows.

Please, if you ever want to, request more reviews. I wouldn't mind seeing other things you have written! :]

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you noticed that. I didn't want to have a story that ended like, "I survived and I learned from my experience and so I quit smoking." I thought that would be such a yawn.

Thank you so much! To know that this story is unpredictable is so wonderful.

I did spend a lot of time on this, to be honest, so thank you so much for noticing my hard work. =)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. Maybe I'll take you up on that offer in the future =P


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Review #37, by midnightxskies Some Things Aren't Meant to Last

10th August 2009:
Hello! I'm back!

I really love how Clyde progresses from one chapter to the next. His cigarette withdrawl is worse, and I also like how you describe the progression of his addiction. First, he starts sneaking them once in awhile and eventually he skips class because he cant even last that long without having a cigarette.

You also demonstrated how human morals can deteoriate under desperation. At the point Clyde has reached, he would rather give up his only friend just to save himself. It almost makes you question what you would do in the same situation.

Ah, only one chapter left. Your story is really amazing :]

Author's Response: Thank you! Clyde was so fun to write, I have to be honest. You understood everything I wanted the reader to understand about this story. That makes me feel so good.

Thank you so much! Wow, what an amazing compliment ^_^


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Review #38, by midnightxskies Escape Plan

9th August 2009:
I think your biggest strength is describing the emotions of your characters. You write them so well, and I get a clear picture in my mind of what is happening.

It's kind of ironic that Neville is the only rational one left, since you would think he would be the first one to crack. Also, something you wrote well is how Clyde doesn't think he's gone crazy yet, but he clearly was the first one to do so. I don't consider it normal to have a conversation with yourself. Or to have voices in your head for that matter

I enjoyed reading this, and there was not much you needed to work on at all. Please feel free to re-request for your last two chapters if you wish! :]

Author's Response: Thank you! Wow, it's so good to hear that I wrote the emotions well. I was worried that the portrayal of emotions would get lost in Clyde's character and all the other stuff that's going on.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews. I'll be back in your thread for sure =P


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Review #39, by midnightxskies The Sickening Sound of the Truth

9th August 2009:
This chapter was very well done. I think you portrayed the effect this type of situation would have on a person excellently, and it isn't rushed.

Normally, I hate it when a character has an ongoing senseless internal dialouge, but it this case it was needed because it showed how Clyde was really losing it.

I also liked the contrast of Vandy's eyes. I wonder if that has some kind of meaning behind it?

Great job, and on to the next chapter! :]

Author's Response: Thank you! To be honest, that little internal banter was really fun to write. It was actually quite a thrill to write Clyde losing it, as you called it.

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews. They are making me so happy =)


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Review #40, by midnightxskies Reality Check

9th August 2009:
At the end, I can't tell if Clyde is into Vandy because of her looks or because of her personality. I'm just wondering if you meant to do that, or if you didn't. Clyde seems like he's only into girls for their looks, so I'm going say that's the reason he likes her.

I like the trashing of Luna in this chapter, because it is definitely believeable that CLyde would think all those things about her. Luna is oblivious, of course, which is the way it should be.

Vandy contrasts with all the characters, which is good. The three are all weird in a way, but Clyde views her as normal, so it's humorous that she's stuck in the situation. Her rant at him was a little odd though, since it was done so quickly into the conversation, but I'm guessing you meant to do it that way.

Great job again!

Author's Response: I'm glad you made your own assumptions about Clyde liking Vandy because that's what I wanted readers to do. If you can understand what he is like by now, I've done my job as a writer.

Thank you very much! I really appreciate your review. You've pointed out some interesting aspects of this story that I was hoping readers would get. Thanks!


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Review #41, by midnightxskies Let's Sit in the Back

9th August 2009:
This was just as good as the last one, but the only thing I'm going to give criticism on is the sentences. Sometimes the sentences were a little choppy, so it may flow better if you join some together.

Otherwise, I still love Clyde and how he says "the ladies like 'em bold", it was a very good line. As you can tell, I'm big on OC stories because it tells more of what kind of writer you are since you can create someone you want. I love what you have done with Clyde.

I also like how Neville and Clyde contrast with each other, yet they are still best friends.

Oh, and the train being detached was totally unexpected. I hate it when you can always tell what's coming next in a story, but you definitely surprised me!

Great job once again!

Author's Response: Thank you. In Clyde's defense, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would carefully construct a flowing paragraph, don't you think? That's why I wrote choppy sentences, but I understand your concern.

Yay, you were surprised! That's good to know. I'm glad to know you like this story, especially Clyde. He was very fun to write, but also very challenging.

Thank you!


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Review #42, by midnightxskies Typical Tuesday

9th August 2009:
This was very well written, and I don't think that I can find anything to complain about! The writing is definitelly excellent! So, basically I'm just going to bombard you with compliments :].

I love it when a character says 'gag me' after something. It always makes me smile for some reason.

I love Clyde, he is an excellent OC, and his characterization is flawless. He has the attitude I love in an original character, which keeps me hooked on the story. I love that he has flaws, like smoking, and commitment issues (leaving the girl after she thinks she is pregnant).

The transition into the flashback was perfect. A lot of people make it confusing when they do this, and I have trouble realizing the time changed. With yours, however, I could tell right away!

It was so good and unique, and its refreshing to read something that doesn't include every cliche! Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's so good to hear that you think my writing is good because it's been a while since I wrote this and I was worried it sounded immature.

Clyde was a challenge to write, actually, because he is nothing like me. I'm not closely related to anyone like him, so writing him was a bit of a stretch. It's good to know that you think he is a good OC. =)

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked the story and I appreciate your review =)


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Review #43, by californialove Let's Sit in the Back

30th July 2009:
Double yoo tee eff! What a cawazy way to end this chapter!!! I must simply read on!!!

But anyways, onto the voice/narration. Clyde has such a strong character that it helps with his voice. His voice is also real. Like, in the sense that he's honest and he's not a two faced bee-yotch. Since's Clyde is like around out age, it makes it easier to see where's he's coming from. I also like how his lifestyle has a lasting effect on the narration. I'm just understanding him so much better through his storytelling. The humor also makes it fun and easier to read. It's not boring, it's fresh, fun, and hip. Haha! Yes, I just used "hip"!

10.5

californialove

Author's Response: XD Thank you! I'm really glad you liked this chapter. The way I wrote Clyde is drastically different from anything I've ever written before, and actually he is very different than myself in real life. It's good to know you understand and enjoy this chapter.

Thank you so much! ^_^


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Review #44, by californialove Typical Tuesday

29th July 2009:
Hey Ilia! I'm here with my review!

There's a lot I can say about this one chapter and I would say one thing, but it's not 12+, so just use your imagination. (Its rhymes with ducking sawsome :D)

Ok, let's say you wrote this story like, three years ago, and now, three years later, I come across it and just like, love it! ("It's ducking sawsome!") But the thing is, this is all hypothetical, you stopped writing fan fiction and you never log into HPFF to see all 24750202 reviews I left you for this story. Even if you abandoned your life as writer because you're worried your work is no longer fresh, someone who never came across it, like myself, is going to think it's fresh.

Continuing on with my story. So, fast forward another three years and you stumble upon your HPFF account and finally see all the reviews I left you and you just think of me as some crazy obsessed fan who has nothing better to do, because why would I leave so many reviews for one story. So you go and read it, and you smirk to yourself, "Dang, Clyde is a total bad ___!!" A story can still be fresh to you, even if you've seen it before.

I also gotta root for the whole Neville/Luna thing!

I hope this was helpful and restored your confidence in this story!

10/

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked this. It's very important to me that my writing stays fresh, so I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that you think it is still up to par.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate everything you have said ^_^

Thank you!


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Review #45, by SaladOrCellarDoor Escape Plan

20th July 2009:
I liked the opening a lot! It had perhaps a little bit of humor thrown in that made it feel lighter, a nice touch after the last chapter's darker ending. In particular, I love this line: "And he didnít. Geez, maybe I should start praying more often." :) Actually made me laugh out loud!

The part about Clyde being so numb that he didn't even notice he was gnawing on himself is gross! But it works really well, especially with these lines: "Maybe this kind of thing was starting to become normal here. Not that I did it to shock anyone, but itís kind of sickening that people biting their fingers and smacking themselves is nothing to become upset over." Just about sums up their hellish state.

The part where Clyde describes Luna helped me to come to terms a bit more with how her character changed. I'm glad you put it in! And the contrast between Vandy and Luna loosing it is also an interesting thing to include.

Why didn't they try to escape through the window earlier? I know that, plot-wise for the story, you needed time for them to freak out, lose their minds, and turn in to savage beasts. But I feel like perhaps it needs a little more explanation. If the window is big enough to get through, why didn't they try earlier? Nice touch, that Neville carried Luna out, but it also makes me wonder, if he could get two through, why couldn't Vandy get her thin self out? Was it a matter of strength?

Thanks for introducing me to a genre I never read, and one so very well written. I'd love to read on and review, but seeing as I'm so far behind in my queue and only just returned to HPFF after my three-month "sabbatical," as one of my friends called it, I unfortunately just don't have the time. I do urge you to please re-request when I open up for reviews again. Thanks! And lovely (appropriate word??) story! Your attention to detail, darkly humorous asides, and interesting narrative voice all make this a keeper. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the opening =)

If you recall - I know it's been a while - they tried the window at first but it was impossible to open. There was some kind of security on it when they were separated from the rest of the train.

As far as Vandy not getting out, it wasn't a matter of strength at all. It was just that she'd used all her energy to break the window, and she had given up by then.

I'm really glad you are enjoying this even though it's a genre you don't usually read.

Thank you! =)


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Review #46, by SaladOrCellarDoor The Sickening Sound of the Truth

20th July 2009:
Hello! After 3 months away, I'm back!

First off, the opening paragraph gave me the chills. All I can think about now are the Frosted Flakes I had and how those aren't going to get me through a natural disaster or hostage crisis. Ahhh!!!

The thought process really starts to pick up here, almost like how an hour glass seems to run faster as it gets near the end. Clyde's thoughts are all over the place! (In a good way that adds to the uncomfortable feeling you give the reader. This really is a great genre for you!)

It makes sense to me that Clyde has a break down, but the break down scene was a little confusing to me. Again, maybe that adds to the tone. But I guess I'm still trying to figure out what he physically did. To me, it seemed like he was just thinking nasty thoughts, but still everyone in the cabin was immediately worried about him. Did he do anything physical?

I feel like Luna and Neville's break-up came out of nowhere. I never would have seen them as breaking up at the beginning of this fic. It's really quick, but, at the same time, it adds to the overall feeling of helplessness. If so perfect a couple at the beginning could come to an end, you know there is no hope. Still, it feels a little out of character for Luna to lose hope. To me, in the books she always felt like one who had really come to terms with death. I can see her disliking all of the argument, though. Just not breaking down over death.

Overall, though, this was an even deeper addition to this dark tale. You've got me hooked, worried, confused, and hopeless, which I'm assuming is everything you'd want in a reader of this genre. Kudos!

Author's Response: Thank you! It means a lot to me to know that you read the opening paragraph and started thinking about your own life. That was the plan. =)

It was supposed to be confusing. I actually had to make it that way too because of the ToS. I couldn't be too graphic in what he physically did to himself.

I understand your concern about Luna's losing hope. I'll consider that.

Thank you! =)



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Review #47, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Reality Check

26th May 2009:
I still like Clyde even though everything is telling me that I shouldn't. His slightly panicked state at the start was a good touch to him. I still argue that Luna is a bit too down to earth here. I'd expected some messed up theories but she was strangely normal and it didn't quite fit, for me. I loved Neville's protectiveness of Luna when Clyde is so blunt. I love that he doesn't side-step around sensitive issues. It's refreshing.

Favourite line: 'I remember dreaming in Divination' - it greatly amused me. I'm not sure I like Vandy much. There's something about her that just rubs me up the wrong way. I know I should probably like her, and hate Clyde, but who cares about convention? I think his confusion, his urge to take her from that pedestal but his inability to do so is really well presented here.

I'm not wholly sure where the plot is going. In fact, I have no idea and that intrigues me. So far, I've really enjoyed the story but I do wonder when something major is going to happen. Your characterisation is great. Your writing style is fantastic and perfect for this piece. It's great and I wish I could say more, but this is going to have to stay as an insanely short review :(

Fantastic - re-request when you get a chance :) (though preferably after Sunday since I'm not around until then!)

Rachelle
x

Author's Response: =D I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that you like Clyde. I was worried that everyone would be turned off to him because he's such a prick, but I'm glad you like him. He was fun to write =)

Hehe, I'm also happy that you can't tell where this is going. That actually boosted my ego a little, so don't say something like that again =P

Thank you so much! I'll definitely re-request after Sunday. =)


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Review #48, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Let's Sit in the Back

26th May 2009:
First things first, you've changed Clyde's surname. Was that intentional? Secondly, oh dear God this was good.

I think Clyde is what I want Seb to be but he's never going to get there :P His character makes more sense with the background you've now given us. I'm not really surprised by anything he does. His reaction to Vandy (I can't spell her full name) was great. It made me smile a little. His thoughts on himself were good in that he knows his own flaws. It makes a change.

I loved the nightmare. You got my heart racing a little and I did not register that it was a dream at all. I was very relieved when Clyde woke up! My favourite line was possibly the comparison between the lounge chair and a toothpick. It was a great simile :P

I would say that the character I found most OOC was Neville's Gran. I can never imagine her calling someone 'honey' or hugging them like that. I was taken aback a little by that. Luna needs a little more eccentricity perhaps. She seems a little bland.

The continuity between chapters was great. The taking away of the wands is for a reason, and it's great that you thought that through.

Whereas it was Clyde that made me want to read on in the first chapter, it is the amazing cliffhanger at the end of this chapter that has me interested.

I'm disappointed in the length of these reviews but I have little to comment on. Again, the American influence is so minimal that it's barely even noticeable, for me. I love the characters and I can't wait to read onto the next chapter.

Rachelle
x

Author's Response: Ugh, that stupid mistake. It was not done on purpose. That's just a dumb mistake on my part.

Thank you =) Oh, poo. Seb is awesome. =D

I'm so glad you were fooled by that dream sequence. That actually happened to me once. Not with all the Death Eaters and everything, but I felt like I was suffocating in my dream and when I woke up, the covers were over my head. I thought it would make an interesting sequence in a story =)

Neville's gran's characterization is wrong, I know. I wrote this thinking of my own grandma (bless her soul) and I didn't realize that her character was kind of already set in canon. Luna is so hard to write DX I'll try to spice her up a little.

Thank you so much for this review. I really appreciate everything you have to say =)


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Review #49, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Typical Tuesday

26th May 2009:
I'll be honest - at first I thought Clyde was a girl. I don't know whether it's Neville's attitude towards him, but he seems a little protective and worrying towards Clyde. It could even have been that Clyde was keeping secrets from Neville, in case it upset him. I don't know. However, once you'd ascertained that he is male, I felt he became a much stronger character. I really like the voice you give him in terms of dialogue, and also from what we see of how his mind works.

He's intriguing and great fun to read. Everything about him is drawing me in - I like the smoking habit (I love to read it, hate it in real life), I think him having grey hair is interesting and odd (though I know the feeling since my hair gets greyer and greyer every day - damn genes), and his attitude towards Jessamine was good too. It surprised me, in a way, because I thought he was harder and tougher than he came across there. He seems very well-rounded as a character already.

I've never read Neville/Luna before, and it's a pairing that I've never really had much interest in. However, I'm open to new pairings and I can't wait to see a bit more on that front. Neville's blush was adorable and I think they'd actually make quite a sweet couple.

I didn't find your writing overly American at all. I wouldn't have turned away from it, put it that way. I've read stories in which it is a lot more obvious. If you hadn't mentioned it in the request, I wouldn't have picked up on it.

This was a great opening chapter. I really enjoyed reading it :]
Rachelle
x

Author's Response: Oh, geez. XD That's no good. Clyde is definitely not a girl. I think that may be because... well, I am a girl. Try as I might, I can't think like a guy. That was weird to say, but sometimes when I was writing this story, I tried to think like a guy to get into the zone.

Thank you! I kind of liked writing him once I got into it. Thank you especially for not questioning every detail I included about him, like his gray hair. Honestly. I appreciate the trust you have in me.

I've never touched Luna/Neville before either but I don't really focus on it that much in this story.

It's so refreshing to hear that my Americanism didn't come out too strong. Thanks so much. ^_^


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Review #50, by emerald_moons Finale

22nd April 2009:
Hi again.

Well, I have lots of the same comments as last time. This is a beautiful piece, filled with amazing emotion. It was startling when Vandy died. I couldn't think for a second, because all that ran through my head was: she's dead. This author actually killed her off. Similar with Neville and Luna's death, but not as much as with Vandy. I don't know, but I can never wrap my head around those two dying!

I find it interesting that you brought God into the mix. It's normally a topic that is rarely touched, and it intrigued me. You didn't punch it in the reader's face, which was nice.

My favorite part: this didn't drastically change Clyde. He was the only survivor because of cigarette, and he what he was doing what he always had done. He doesn't talk to others, which shows what happened to him did affect. A good balance. :)

No grammatical/spelling errors, I'm happy to say. You have a very good story here that, what do you know, makes you think!

~Emmy

Author's Response: Thank you! Wow. I can't believe you actually stopped thinking for a bit because of what I wrote. That's a very high compliment, and I appreciate it so much.

Thank you! I'm glad you like the part about him still staying the same. I just figured it would be so lame if I made him come out a BETTER PERSON BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM -gag-

Thank you so much ^_^


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