wow what a great story! i love neville stories. but this is wonderful!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it ^_^ Report Review
I love this story. I'm kind of tired of all the "and everyone was happy ever after" stories, not that there aren't some good ones out there. But you have to imagine that with all the distruction nd death that Voldy caused there is also alot of confusion and heartbreak. There has to be a lot of healing. I think that Neville is the ideal character to be involved in that situation.
I can't wait for the next chapter and have saved you to my favs. Keep up the good work really enjoy this.Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I can't stand the idea that everything would be 'happy ever after', especially not right away. I think there needs to be more than just the odd nightmare and hopefully, I'm bringing some of that into this.
Thank you ever so much! Report Review
Mary would be Mary Macdonald, right?
I just started reading this story today and I really like it. The only thing is that, whilst you can tell Hannah is depressed, she never really thinks about what she is depressed about, only that she is depressed. I don't know if that makes sense or not.Author's Response: Yep, she would.
I'm glad you like it. That...well, it makes sense but I'm not sure I agree with you. We all know what she's depressed about - it's mentioned sporadically throughout the story and especially the first chapter - but the point of the story is that she's now stopped concentrating on it and is starting to move on with her life, and get better.
I hope that makes sense. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Hehe... I know I'd be with Susan and Hannah if Cormac McLaggen was going around topless :) Mm...
Anyway, this was another really great chapter. I know I haven't been reviewing exactly faithfully but I promise that will change. This story is amazing, and I hope you've had lots of people telling you that.
I love the awkwardness that ensues whenever Hannah and Neville are in the same room as each other. It's sweet, and it's so realistic. A lot of stories don't show that side of the relationship, but unfortunately, that's generally what happens at the beginning.
I'm glad that Hannah's finally beginning to heal. The way you've written her is just amazing; there's so much in her life that could have changed her in a negative way, but she's still managing to overcome it all. Good for her!
I can't wait for the next chapter, so please update soon!Author's Response: Me too. I'm still yet to figure out why exactly he'd be in the Hufflepuff common room semi-naked but we'll say it was Quidditch related...
I'm so glad you still like it - the support and encouragement on this story has been completely fantastic. It's one I'm very proud of and even if nobody gave me feedback, I'd still want to write it.
That awkwardness is one of my favourite parts of it; I find them both quite awkward characters in general and put them together with the fact they quite obviously like each other as more than friends and it just comes naturally to write them like that.
She is beginning to heal and I put so much of that down to Neville and Daphne, and Dean even if his role is prominently off-page. Might have to give him a bigger role later.
I'm planning on updating after I've written chapter 14 - I like being a good 5 chapters ahead of myself - which should hopefully be soon. Thank you so much for your support!
xx Report Review
I love it! Keep it coming!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Great chapter! I like your portrayal of Neville quite a lot. He's likeable and kind but still a bit clumsy like he was as a young boy. Hannah and Neville's relationship so far seems very realistic, even if Hannah does like him, their taking their time with things, which seems to fit the mood of this story.
I also like the inclusion of Astoria in this chapter as I had been wondering how you would characterize her. I like that she's a Ravenclaw, that really breaks stereotypes, as everyone assumes that she is a Slytherin because of her sister and because she marries Draco.
Overall, another great chapter in a wonderful story. I cannot wait for more!Author's Response: If there's one positive thing I can say about any of my writing, it's that this portrayal of Neville is the thing I'm most proud of. Generally speaking, I avoid very canon characters like the plague but some just pull me towards them (Neville being one, Percy another) and I find them easier to write. Neville takes very little effort and that's why I love writing him so much.
They are taking their time. They're still grieving, still hurting and I don't imagine either is especially experienced in romance so with both of those, it is going to be a very simple, very slow. At least, I hope so :P
She's always been a Ravenclaw in my mind; I don't really know why. I just wanted to give Draco someone a little different to him when her name first came out and I thought it'd be nice to make her a Ravenclaw.
Thank you so much. I'll update as soon as I can.
xx Report Review
Wow! This is possibly the best Hannah/Neville I've ever read.
The emotions seem so realistic. Some people write post-battle-of-hogwarts stories where everyone is happy and in love and it's all perfect, but I don't see those as realistic. I really love that you're including the pain of it all. I can't wait to find out what happens next though.
10/10Author's Response: Oh wow, that's the ultimate in compliments. Thank you so much!
I think my summary is one of the most telling things about it 'not everyone had someone to hold onto' - post-Hogwarts stories with no trace of the hurt and pain everyone went through have never really interested me. Maybe people try and just don't bring it across very well, I don't know, but I've always had the agony of the war in the forefront of my mind whilst writing this. I'm glad it comes across.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I actually think I'm going to update in a few minutes - I've realised it's been a month! Writer's block has messed up my updating scheme :P
Thank you again
xx Report Review
Hello there. Final chapter for the request and I'm sad to see it stop. When I have time, I might have to pop back over here and catch up with the story.
Here's the only issue I found:
He tentatively held his hand out and with as much hesitancy, she took it.-- This sentence confused me so I thought you could maybe clarify it. With much hesitancy? I'm not quite sure your intent here.
As for your characters, I really, REALLYloved seeing Dean in this. You mentioned Dean/Daphne in your request but I suppose it didn't register in my mind because reading it made my heart warm a bit. There wasn't much, if even, any talking really between Daphne and Dean but I just got a real understanding of their relationship. It's really very sweet.
I also thought that Hannah's love and admiration for the place. Her feeling of comfort was a real joy to read and not far off, I would think. After such a war, comfort, I feel, would come in desperate feelings. Well done.
I thought that you did a really good job with this story; Lena and the Healer were good touches to your plot. Well done on it all and good luck with the rest of the story as you progress.
LindseyAuthor's Response: with AS much hesitancy - so, she did it with as much hesitancy as he showed (from the tentative holding out of his hand)
Dean ♥ He's another favourite of mine. Terribly underwritten in my mind. I'm very glad his relationship with Daphne seems quite self-explanatory. Their characters are also very vivid in my mind as is their relationship. I'm glad you found it sweet because it most definitely is.
Thank you so much for each of your lengthy reviews. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Hello, I'm really glad you requested because I am REALLY, REALLY enjoying this.
First off, I need to comment on chapter lengths because I think you do a really good job on keeping it an acceptable length. For instance, if it had had even 500 words more, I might find it a bit dragging. If it had had less, I feel it would be lacking. I think that its Goldilocks just right.
Hannah's character is really sweet and I'm a bit heartbroken for her. I am just curious to clarify if I could; so, Justin, Ernie, and Mr. Abbott are missing? Do I have that right? I know that Hannah's mom passed away in their sixth year but I just wanted to make sure I have all those plot elements right. I don't think you didn't make it clear but I just want to make sure its right in my mind.
I really like Neville's popping up in the story; I think he read a bit more true to me in this chapter than last; then again, I may just be adjusting to your own intrepretation of Neville. I don't think he is far off from canon; I think he is definitely in the realm of it. His confidence is sweet to read about; his humility is what really grounds him as a character for him.
Augusta Longbottom, a site to be reckoned with. -eye roll-. All I can ever envision with her is poor 13 year old Neville's boggart. I did like her comment about Neville; a bit daft seems to be a fair response. Poor boy but I hope that she will be a somewhat major character in the story.
I'm curious to know who the overly cheery girl is because she annoyed me as well. If this is a place of healing, I feel like more subdued would be a better fit. This is not commentary on your writing but rather on this girl's general attitude.
My suggestion for this chapter would be Aberforth; I don't understand how a French woman wormed her way into working at the Hog's Head in the mornings. I'm curious for an explanation because of Aberfoth's stubornness, I just am not sure how it would be plausible. At least in my mind.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Oh chapter lengths. I do try and keep them around the 1800-2500 mark for almost every story. If I wrote anymore, it'd be boring. If I have to read any more than that - unless it's an exceptional writer - I start skimming so I'm glad you think they're a good length.
Justin and Mr Abbott are missing. Ernie's father was killed and I think he's a bit AWOL at the minute, trying to sort out his own life. I can see the problem line though, so I'm going to edit him out of that now to save more confusion.
Neville's definitely less like canon Neville to me. He's kind of My Ideal Man but hopefully still recognisable as like JKR's Neville too. It's funny that you said that he's more realistic in this chapter because I wrote the first two chapters in one sitting so it could just be that you're adapting. I don't think there's a great deal of difference.
Hahaha, I love Augusta. She's more minor than I intended to be, actually. It's a shame because I was dying to write her and Ms Figg as two elderly ladies who rant and rave all the time but it didn't work out that way. Maybe they'll get a companion one-shot :P
Nobody important. A young, naive girl, I think. Probably nobody we know.
Have you ever clashed with a French person over cooking? It gets SCARY. It's really not important, anyway, in the grand scheme of things. It's a matter of my need for a woman to act in a maternal manner towards Hannah. I mean, I can work it out but I don't really want to waste much time on something so insignificant so...yeah.
Thank you for the detailed review! Report Review
Hi there. I popped over after reading your request. I was very, VERY intrigued by the summary and title.
I thought you did some really excellent work with this chapter and this concept. To begin with, I thought your style and mood was very refreshing. The style was very clearly more poetic than prose; it is sort of flowy with the mood in mind. It is very clearly angst but there is something genuinely hopeful in the undercurrent. Maybe it was the small hints of Neville's sincerity or Hannah's regret, but it doesn't seem like a dark, hopeless angst. Bravo to that.
The flow works very well for this chapter because I think you choose to mix thoughts well with descriptions and dialgoue. It intermingles well, setting you up for a very successful chapter.
I really liked how you portray Neville and Hannah. Neville's comfort level with Hannah makes me wonder about how familiar they really are with one another. Neville always struck me as a bit awkward about it all, and while he certainly changed in JKR's last book, I think its still very real that he would be awkward. I saw no tinge or hint of that in this; I wonder if it'll come later but honestly, that was the only bit that threw me off.
I think you did a really good job introducing us to Hannah. I liked the mention of Ernie, the clear relationship that was endearingly sweet and heartbreaking with her parents, and her own regrets and mistakes. You had no issues making her very real from the get-go. She doesn't even come close to being off in my mind; she seems very canon to me.
My suggestions for improvement would be varying your sentence structure; you tend to block long, flow-y sentences with others and then you have three or four simple sentences in a row. This is definitely a stylistic element that may help it flow better. I tried to read parts aloud and honestly found myself gasping for breaths at parts. Some sentences are just very long for a single paragraph break. Overall, this is something that change with time but it was just a suggestion I thought worth making.
~LindseyAuthor's Response: Firstly, I'm so sorry for the delayed response. I've got dreadful internet, then was travelling home and then was just busy but I'm finally ready to reply to each of your stunning reviews.
I'm so glad you were intrigued by the summary and title. First impressions and all that ^_^
My style is generally more poetic than anything; it comes fairly naturally and when it reverts into a basic, bland prose, it's usually a sign that I've had writer's block. Angst with an undercurrent of hope is exactly what I want from this; Hannah's pain combined with Neville's ability to look into the future, I think, brings that across.
I might bring attention to how well they knew each other before in a later chapter; I imagine them to have gained a closeness towards the end of the war, in school, so that familiarity comes from that. This is more how I imagine him post-war, anyway.
I'm so glad she seems canon to you because if I'm being a bit more arrogant than I normally like to be, she seems it to me too. She comes very naturally; I make very little effort with characters normally. They either work or they don't and I don't tend to put a lot of thought into how to bring parts of their character out. I'm glad other people see her in the same way I do.
Okay. I'll give some thought to that. It'll be hard; I never edit - I write chapters in one go and I never really give much thought to what I'm writing and how I'm writing it. It's never been picked up on before but I'll watch out for it.
Thank you so much for the helpful review! Report Review
Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your review for the first five chapters of this story.
The first thing that absolutely captured me about your story was the depth of the emotions of your characters, they were so great! Especially Hannah's, but truly all of the emotions were beautifully written. Great job!
Also, Neville's characterization is SPOT. ON. I can't say much more than that, because I simply can't find the words. You've written him so well, though, SO WELL. ^^
Overall, you've got magnificent story here, and definitely a lot of talent to take this and send it soaring. I really enjoyed reading your story, thank you for requesting it! Absolute 10/10 for me. ^^Author's Response: I'm so glad you found the characters and their emotions worked. For me, it all came very naturally and I didn't put a great deal of thought into it so I sometimes worry later on, when I'm struggling through a spate of writer's block, whether it actually shows through or whether I imagined it.
Neville ♥ I'm so pleased with the reception he's had so far. I love writing him so much and this is a very accurate depiction of how I imagine him post-war. I'm so glad other people agree.
Thank you so much for a stunning review. I'm glad you liked it and that you think that highly of it.
xx Report Review
I literally need to gather my thoughts before I type completely incoherent thoughts.
This was so emotionally heavy, dense and moving and raw. It was absolutely appropriate for the severity of Hannah visiting her childhood home. My heart hurt for her, for him, for the loss of what could have been a beautiful evening. Gosh. But sprinkled lightly in this deep, serious stuff, is still a light promise of what Hannah and Neville could be for each other. He following her, supporting her, their hand touching/holding. So beautiful. I know that Neville will forgive Hannah's unintentionally selfish comment because he's Neville and that's just how he is, but I still was sitting here saying, "No, Neville, come back!" when they parted ways.
Daphne is a darling. I can't wait for Neville and Hannah to properly spend some time together. It will be wonderful!
xxAuthor's Response: It kind of amused me when Gill said in her review for six that she was looking forward to their meal. I'd forgotten that it looks like a happy thing to readers so this must have come as a bit of a shock.
Those things were exactly what my angsty horrible mind wanted. I was hoping it wasn't too over the top. The scene with Neville and his parents is one of the first I thought of and I'd been waiting so long for the opportunity to use it. It's probably one of my favourite moments, oddly.
I was hoping people would notice the way he supported her. He's just so sweet; of course he'll forgive her. He knows it's the emotion of the moment talking and I think he just wanted to leave before anything blew up anymore between them.
I'm so glad you think that of Daphne. Hopefully, you'll be happy with how much time Hannah and Neville spend in the next few chapters, though honestly I can't really remember how much contact they actually have! Might have to edit :P
Thank you so much for yet another gorgeous review, lovely.
xx Report Review
-I can't believe I missed this chapter somewhere along the way-
So. This was just a beautiful as always. I'm going to leave a relatively short review because a.) You're very aware of how much I ador this story, and b.)I'm very anxious to keep reading. :P
The language and writing style is gorgeous. Very fragile and delicate and reflective of Hannah's internal state. Mary's maiden name is McDonald? Love Trivia challenges! Neville is golden. Really, truly, perfect. His characterisation makes me wish he was real, and the interaction and conversation between he and Hannah resinforces my faith in the subtle beauty of a simple sort of romance as opposed to the sweeping, grand romances that are often featured in FF. Really wonderful.
“It’s not everyone’s cup of tea up here,” Neville said, shrugging his cloak off and hanging it over her shoulders. She didn’t protest, pulling it tighter around her as the wind continued to growl through the thickset trees. He rolled up the sleeves of his robes and smiled. “I like it.”
When I first read this passage, I thought for a moment that he meant that he liked the way she looked in his cloak. Then of course I realized that he was referring to the center. The beautiful part of this passage is the fact that it really probably can/does mean both in a subconscious/concious sort of way, relatively speaking.
So, now onward to chapter seven.Author's Response: It may have got hidden amongst my TA squee since this got validated on the same day as that. I don't think I actually posted about it being up or anything :P
Short's good. Short means quick reply!
It's funny you said that because in chapter 10 and 11, it's pretty much non-existent. I was reading it back today and there's so little depth to it. I'm going to have to edit them at some point.
Mary's maiden name is indeed McDonald. I like hiding these people in my writing.
Neville ♥ How arrogant is it of me to say that I kind of adore him? He's probably my favourite character of all time to write. I love him oodles and oodles. Simple romance is what I want; I think that's what the pair of them would have. I don't imagine them as very...sweepy characters. I see them as quite plain, ordinary people and so plain and ordinary love they shall have.
Subconscious on my part too! I like that interpretation a lot. It was actually in reference to the countryside - Derbyshire and the Peak District is one of my favourite areas in the UK. The landscape is stunning but the idea it could be about his cloak is just so lovely that I might start pretending it's about that...
Thank you so much for such a gorgeous review, lovely. They're always so helpful and insightful.
xx Report Review
Fantastic story! I can't wait to read more
And I believe Mary's maiden name is MacdonaldAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I'm very glad you liked it.
And yes! -hands over brownie points-
Thank you for the review ^_^ Report Review
I swear, if Hannah doesn't move quickly, I'm stealing Neville from her. :P Their bit in this chapter was perfection. Just the right amount of awkwardness and cuteness and angst and squishiness. Om nom nom.
The ten o'clock meeting was something. It was like an emotional roller coaster ride for me. I thought Hannah would take something out of it, feel marginally better or something, but at the same time, I knew it was too soon. That she might not have digested everything yet, and is barely getting started with the process of accepting everything that had happened, or the fact that she can choose to move on and not live in the past. I dunno, I felt quite unsettled after reading the second part. That's not a bad thing, mind you! Really gave me a lot to think about, though not necessarily in this context.
ANYWAY. I RAMBLE. A LOT. As you might have noticed. :P
Lovely chapter as usual, my darling. I cannot wait to find out how the afternoon tea plays out. ;)
Also, how GORGEOUS IS THIS SENTENCE?
Things got too much. It happened a lot, moments that seemed to be okay - average was as good as things got - ruined by one silent slip from the present into the past.
♥ ♥ ♥
xxxAuthor's Response: -squishes-
The Hannah/Neville is just :wub: really. I actually adore it and I never ever say that about anything I write, as I'm sure you're well aware by now. I love writing it and I'm so glad you enjoy reading it too. I'm making her be hesitant because I'm trying to keep it fairly realistic. I'd love to send her swooning off with him but then I'd have to stop myself ever writing again from shame. It's coming, just slowly.
Ooh, interesting. I wrote about the ten o'clock meeting but then I thought it was a bit pointless. It's really only there as filler but if you got something out of it, Hannah's reaction and that of the others, it's obviously working.
Rambling is amazing. Never stop ♥
Oh DRAMA, Gill. Drama. That's all I'm saying about the afternoon tea. Hopefully something a bit heartbreaking too. I'll update soonish hearts;
Thank you so much for yet another stunningly gorgeous review that I can't really say thank you enough for. I love you ever so much.
xx Report Review
So it's been ages since I've read any of this, so I sat and read all of the chapters through before reading this one. I'm still blown away be the tangibility and honesty of the emotions here. Hannah's mood changes very subtly through this chapter and each mood change is reflected wonderfuly in the writing.
I'm very glad that Daphne and Hannah arranged to be on good terms. I feel like this will be good foor Hannah and probably for Daphne too. Of course Daphne has Dean, but it is always good to have a female friend in whom she can confide. I'm sure Daphne isn't on the best of terms with her school Housemates. I giggled a little bit when Daphne described herself as a walking cliche. Not necessarily because it's true, but because it isn't not true either. Granted she is the slytherin girl turned good character, but her role is vital to this story from where I can see.
NEVILLE. Can you please package him up in a box and ship him to me? Pretty please, with a cherry on top? But seriously, his character is astoundingly wonderful. I know that you don't like excessive praise, but I really think that this is my favourite characterisation of Neville that I've read. He's so caring and careful and lovely. I smiled when Hannah happened to notice how much he's grown.
Great chapter, Rachel, really.
Author's Response: -squishes-
I'm so happy that you described this as subtle because that is almost exactly what I want to hear. With this - my favourite story in terms of the style and writing itself - I want to make it gentle and soft and not overbearingly obvious, to try and reflect Hannah as much as I can.
It's going to be fantasstic for both of them. I'm considering an epilogue in which we see how Hannah and Daphne's relationship has grown, and obviously their relationships with their two men too.
I'm glad you liked the cliché line - I throw that in a couple of times across my writing, when things get too much. I like poking fun at myself if I can't escape predictability :P
No chance. I'm having him! That praise is excessive and I'm going to try and ignore it but at the same time, I want to hug you to death for saying it because it's the most amazing compliment I could ever have received. I love Neville in canon, I love him in FF and I love writing him. He's only going to get sweeter.
Thank you so much, Melissa. Your reviews never cease to make me smile.
xx Report Review
Rachel, I loved this chapter. Though this review will be short as I am tired and at work, I wanted to be sure to tell you what I think.
It was really sweet to see Daphne and Hannah come to an agreement at the end. I think it will really help both girls more than either would really care to admit.
Also, I really wish Neville hadn't left. It would have been nice to know what made him up and leave like that. I hope we find out.
Anyway, lovely chapter!Author's Response: Short but lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you, Len ♥
The girls have to make their peace, I think. Daphne has been changed a lot by what happened to her family, and Hannah has too. They're going to grow with the help of each other, I hope.
I've forgotten why he left :P I'm sure it'll crop up again at some point later! In the mean time, just imagine!
Thank you so much, lovely. Merry Christmas ^_^
xx Report Review
I really really enjoy this story. I truly appreciate realism in a story. I can imagine after the war there were a lot of people, particulary the young adults like Hannah and Daphne who are confused and upset and in need of help. Hannah and Neville have fast become my favorite characters. I hope you overcome your writers block soon and keep up the great work.Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy it and that you can find an element of realism to it. Hannah and Neville's relationship is hugely underappreciated in the FF world, I think, and they're undoubtedly one of my favourite ships.
I'm starting to get small kicks of inspiration, but along with the block and no internet access, it's been difficult. I'll update soon!
Thank you so much for the review ^_^ Report Review
*glomps Rachel and this chapter*
Lovely job as usual, my dear. It was great to read Hannah being preoccupied with something else for a change. Don't get me wrong, her thoughts are infinitely interesting to read, but I thought she deserved the 'break' you gave her at the start of the chapter. Also, Neville. ♥ Honestly, you write him so splendidly. He's my favorite character so far. He seems so straightforward, yet as complex as Hannah in his own brand of suffering. When he was telling her about how the Ministry was not really him, and second-guessing his need for closure… what an insight into his character. I'd never thought of him that way, yet it all makes sense (which I think I'm lacking right now :P).
Daphne is such a joy to read. Her spunk and the way she deals with Hannah is so refreshing. Descriptions were beautiful (again, no surprise there), and I can't wait to see where you take the characters and the plot from here.
This was as thought-provoking as ever, my dear. I don't think a FF has ever made me reflect this much, which is why I love this to pieces. And with a muse as sporadic and uncooperative as mine, you might have just inspired me to write again. ;)
♥Author's Response: -squishes Gill and covers her in apologies for the terribly late reply-
Thank you so much, lovely. Replying to this is part of my thanks for the gorgeous Secret Santa present that I am yet to properly review but will be on ASAP ♥ It truly was a fantastic gift.
She needs the break...and so does the reader, I think. All the angst would make you very depressed!
I love how different people interpret things so differently. For me, a lot of what I write seems so straightforward and obvious, which perhaps is where the doubt in myself comes from, and hearing other people's opinions on what I've done with the characters just really makes me so happy.
I think Neville is deceptively complex. Trying to write him and that deeper side to him whilst keeping him fairly parallel with canon is tricky, but I'm hoping it works.
Thank you so much, Gill. Your reviews never cease to amaze me and I love you so, so much.
♥ ♥ ♥
xxx Report Review
Is it cruel of me to blame Hannah's initial unhappiness in this chapter on her own frame of mind? I know that it's much easier said than done, but I feel like a bit of faith in what the centre does and stands for and a bit of optimism that she will again be happy would do a load of good for her. That being said, I love your characterisation of Hannah. She is everything I imagined being perfect for Neville (who I love dearly in cannon and so am very particular about his future) :P The little bit about her not wanting to move on because it is almost like a sacriledge to what had happened struck a very realistic chord with me. I felt that way laughing at family events after my nana passed away last year. Accepting that it is alright to move on is the hardest part of moving on in my opinion. The ending made me smile. The simplicity of Hannah and Neville's playfulness was lovely, and I cheered a little bit when she laughed for the second time.
Neville characterisation is very different from how I usually read him. Usually, he is a bit of a bumbling wreck. Not confident or talkative. But here, here he is a grown man (of sorts). His words have an underlying feeling of sincerity and confidence, but he is still kind and good natured and simple (in the best way possible). I think that the events during his seventh year neccessitated these changes, and that you have captured the essence of what grown Neville can and should be. :D I mayyy have a teensy crush on him.
One last note (sorry about the ridiculous legnth of this review). I loved this passage:
"and tomorrow they would go into town and buy a gingerbread duck from the baker’s then sit on the moors and watch time dissolve on the horizon. They never did. Tomorrow always led to routine, to scraped pigtails and her mother’s tight bun and a briefcase with Top Secret documents buried within. A kiss on the cheek and a locked door at night, that was what tomorrow brought."
yes, an obvious reference to your title, but it had me squeeing. It was beautiful and it really encapsulated Hannah's frame of mind. gorgeous. I reread it three times just because I liked how it sounded. :D
Great job yet again. I am anxious for more.
MelissaAuthor's Response: -sigh-
Melissa. I just don't have even the slightest excuse for leaving this reply so long, except that...both of your reviews made me want to cry. With happiness, that is, because you've managed to hit every single thing I was trying to bring across right on the head.
It isn't cruel to blame Hannah's unhappiness on her state of mine at all, because that is wholly intentional on my part. Her pessimism and downtrodden outlook on things are amongst her greatest flaws, her incapacity to see that things will be okay, eventually. As you've seen in this chapter, that's where Neville comes in and shows her that there is a future for her, and there is something to look forward to. I'm so glad you drew attention to that part of her character.
Simplicity and innocence is what I want from their relationship. I imagine them both to not have a great deal of romantic experience and a certain shyness about them in general that gives off this very sweet, very gentle and caring and honest relationship. I think if I used any other characters, it just wouldn't work - Dean/Daphne, Draco/Astoria would both be treated in two very different ways to this; more adult, more straight-forward, etc.
This is exactly how I imagine Neville to be after DH. From what we see and hear of him in the final novel, he's obviously grown up, matured and become the Gryffindor that we always knew he was whilst retaining all those elements of him that you mentioned, that he's always had. His confidence is key, especially compared to Hannah's complete lack of it.
I don't even remember writing that :P I'm dreadful - when I get into the swing of writing, it just comes out without thinking and I don't even pay attention to how it fits with the story. I think the reference to the title was completely unintentional [subconscious thing, probably] and I'm so glad you pointed that paragraph out because it gives me confidence in myself [writer's block at the minute - nightmare].
Thank you so, so much, lovely. I'm so glad you like it and have taken the time to leave such detailed and considerate reviews. I appreciate it so, so much.
xx Report Review
Oh my. Rachel, please, please, please tell me why it has taken me this long to read this? It is a shame that it has because this was gorgeous. Not necessarily because of the writing quality (Don't get me wrong, the quality was very good), but because of the emotional range of it. Every paragraph pulled me through Hannah's emotions. Very raw, very real. The image of Dean and Daphne was beautiful. The whole ideas of 'everything' changing, prejudices falling aside and grudges dissolving. If only places like this actually existed in the world. As beautiful as the Dean/Daphne portion is, it is strangely bittersweet. I think this is because Hannah is not yet 'there', not yet to the place where happiness and comfort can simply be found in the company of others. I do hope that she can find that, because it seems to be a wonderful feeling.
Looking forward to some quality Neville/Hannah time! On to chapter four (the only good part about having waited this long to read it... the next chapter is there waiting :P )
Fabulous work, Rachel. Really.
MelissasAuthor's Response: I don't know but I am so glad you're here now, lovely. Both of your reviews took my breath away and even over one month on, I still feel completely awestruck by your comments.
I'm so glad that the emotion in this works - I'm always worried I'm going to overdo it so just seeing 'raw' and 'real' is a big weight off my shoulders.
If places like this existed, it would be perfect. Though, saying that, I don't think it works for everyone. I might make that apparent eventually - once I've convinced Hannah that she should stay. Dean/Daphne inadvertently gave me such a great example of how things are changing - it was completely unintentional, I just liked the ship, but it works so, so well here for demonstrative purposes.
Exactly. I think Dean and Daphne act as the end of this road that Hannah's just stumbling down, not too sure where she's going, not really wanting to carry on. They're the almost finished product.
Haha, there's plenty to come, don't worry. I love writing Hannah and Neville together.
Thank you so much, Melissa. Words really can't express how grateful I am for both of your reviews.
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Your love for this story is definitely evident because everything flows wonderfully and effortlessly. It's lovely to read Hannah in a lighter/more playful mood, and the fact that Neville plays a huge role in making her laugh again just makes me feel all sorts of happy. ♥
As always, your descriptions were divine. I felt so many things at once while reading this chapter - despair, giddy, hopeful - which goes to show the depth and complexity of your story.
I really do love your Neville, you write him wonderfully. Both encounters with him in this chapter were so... meaningful. I wish I could have him. And will you please forgive the unbelievable lateness of this review? xD
♥Author's Response: ♥
Honestly, lovely, you're just amazing amazing amazing, times a billion. I'm so glad you liked it.
Despair, giddy, hopeful all are very good things to be feeling. That's pretty much exactly what I want people to feel (except perhaps the 'giddy' - that's just an added bonus.)
I love my Neville too - is that too arrogant? I don't know but I absolutely adore writing him. Perhaps it's because he's probably my favourite canon character, I don't know. He just comes quite naturally.
I'll forgive you if you forgive me for this disgustingly late reply? And for the other few replies I owe you too?
Thank you ever so much, Gill. Your reviews mean the absolute world to me.
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Yay! A new chapter!
I really like this one because it has Hannah in somewhat of a lighter mood. She's joking and playing around with Neville, even if she's adamant about not falling in love. Of course, I agree with Neville, it would be too easy if we had a choice in who we fell in love with. Would save a lot of heartbreak if Hannah were right.
I can't wait to read the next chapter. Slowly you can see Hannah's personality coming out, and I really hope she finds some peace with herself and her situation.
Lovely chapter!Author's Response: Yay indeed ^_^ This is possibly the one bit of writing I like best, and everyone's feedback means a lot to me on this, especially. Maybe because I'm dealing with real canon characters rather than Next Gen, I don't know.
It's lightening up, step by step. It'll waver between the two for a long time yet, and I'm not sure she's going to be completely 'fixed' by the end of the story but I hope she's a little better.
I love that line - it's one of my favourites of my own, if only because the way it's said in my head is very, very much how I picture Neville. It really sounds good to me when I think about it!
Thank you so much for a gorgeous review, Len. It really is appreciated so much.
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There is nothing wrong with loving this story, especially because it's a pretty awesome story. I'm still totally in love with the whole idea that there's a place for everyone to go after the war and stuff, and I'm really liking that this is focused on Hannah.
But anyways, it's interesting seeing Hannah adjusting to everything and I'm not surprised to see that she isn't really liking it that much. The whole meal situation did seem to be pretty awkward, but hopefully it'll get better as time goes on.
And I thought that your descriptions were amazing in this, and I just love your writing style so much that I wanted to mention its awesomeness. :)Author's Response: Fourth and final response - this one is also exceedingly late and I am still terribly sorry. Each one has meant the world to me, though, and I'm so glad my late replying hasn't put you off reading.
Things will get better and I think the key is that it's going to be a slow process. There's no easy way for it to happen and she's going to learn that the hard way, sadly.
You really know how to ego boost. I can't reply to that without sounding exceedingly arrogant so thank you, thank you, thank you shall have to suffice!
Once again, each of your reviews has put such an enormous smile on my face and given me such a burst of confidence in my writing, which has kind of died over the past month or two. I really appreciate every single word. Thank you. Report Review
Ah, this was quite lovely!
Like I've told you before description certainly is a forte of yours. None of your stories seem devoid of it, and that's certainly something that I can appreciate.
I absolutely adore the characterizations and the interactions of the characters.
I never really thought of Hannah's childhood, but this story sort of forces you. Most little girls like pigtails. I can see why Hannah wouldn't.
I also like that you gave her an imagination and a personality that isn't stale as cardboard. I think most people forget that she's a human being and write her as a character, but here you really feel like you're getting to know a living, breathing person.
It seems that she isn't enjoying her time there yet, but maybe things will get better for her. I can see why she would definitely be disenchanted.
I like that they've both matured. Neville, especially. He isn't the same awkward little boy that he used to be, and yet he still has that aura from time to time. Like when he stoops to tell her that he'll be inside or he insists that he doesn't need a hand.
Those were really nice touches.
I really like this story more and more as it progresses, and I can definitely see why you're proud of it. It certainly is a gem.
LindersAuthor's Response: My description is there because my dialogue is so diabolical that I need to distract people from it :P I'm so glad you think it's my forte - because so do I, really - and that you appreciate its presence in my writing.
I'd hope all my characters are much like Hannah. I don't want to make her a shadow in a dark room; I want her to be real and temperamental and imperfect, and I want people to feel like they can see her alive in front of their eyes.
He isn't and he is at the same time and that's why I love writing him. I think he grows up but no matter how much you change, there's usually still an element of a younger you in there somewhere. I wanted to make him my own whilst still showing him as JKR's awkward, clumsy, chubby little boy.
Thank you so much for this gorgeous review, Linders. I'm so sorry the reply has taken months to get to - RL got in the way :(
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