Another great chapter! I'm really interested in finding out more about Rose's job.

I felt that maybe the pacing seemed a bit off. It just seemed to have moved from them meeting to them having coffee so fast. However, that might be an important part of the story (them getting together near the beginning) and it is your story and plot, so pace however you wish! :)

However, I am very suspicious of Adam's character. There's something about him I can't quite put my finger on...

Again, nice job!

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Totally love your Lily! She's absolutely adorable :)
I tend to get turned off by fics where they have the narrator talk to the audience; however, you have a great talent for pulling it off and it comes off as endearing rather than bothersome. Definitely great writing!

I love the rest of your characters - Albus in particular - and being that I'm a giant Rose/Scorpius shipper I was happy to read that they were together!

Now, on to the brief constructive criticism: Though I love your entire Lily is talking to the audience thing, I wouldn't recommend you do the entire: "I haven't told you how he looks, have I? As I said before, the most striking feature of his face had to be his eyes." With your talent for writing, you could easily pull of incorporating the OC's (which I'm really looking forward to reading about) looks and personality into the story. For example, have Lily glance back to look at those eyes/smile again. It breaks the flow of a story when the plot stops, someone is described, then the plot continues.

Again, fantastic first chapter! I'm so glad that you request my review so I could find this! Favoriting :)

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No!!! No! Dont end it there! i love your story! So good! Rose gets scorpious! Dont do that! I love this story so much! Keep writing, please.

Author's Response: Aww! Glad you like the story! :D
The sequel should be up soon ;) I'm working on it, the second chapter is done! :D
Love
Ak~

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You actually made me cry! I wanted Scorp to get with Rose! But reading it again, you're right. It's far more realistic the was you did it, and having to lead up to Scorp not going through made it more exciting.

-Zanna

Author's Response: I'm so sorry I made you cry!
Believe it or not, I myself almost cried while writing this, I could FEEL Rose's plain! I feel bad for her. "(
But an author's gotta do what she's gotta do right?? :
The ride isn't going to be easy for them, and I'm not sure if they get together at ll, but we'll see :D
love
Ak~

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Ack! Quickly update the sequel!

Author's Response: Almost done! Chapter Two is written with the end needing to be edited and three has to be started and Ch One is posted and in the queue :D
thanks for the review!
love
Ak~

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i'll definitely be looking for the sequel!
for sure.
not at all happy that rose didn't get her happy ending! but i understand because life isn't like that.

Author's Response: You do that!
thanks for the review! :D
Ak~

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please write another few chapters there really great and please let scorpius and rose be together

Author's Response: mary, hi! :D

Ok so, here's the thing. RL is bloody busy right now, but I'm still working on the last chapter, the ending somehow eludes me, it confuses me! :'(

Oh well :P
Anyway, after reading that amazingly short, yet amazing (yes, really) review of yours I'm going to go write that chapter, just for you :P :P
love
Ak~

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I waited a long time for this chapter. I honestly must say I don't like Adam, but that's more because I don't think a Adam (yes I made it a object ;)) is the right thing for Lily. I always saw here with someone else. Don't ask me why... But maybe, I can learn to like him... :P
I do love your writing :D

Author's Response: oh wow.
Someone likes what I write! you've just...wow.
I'm going to go now, grinning maniacally, might I add ;)
love
Ak~

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heck no I'm loving Will! He's epic Adam's ust bland (no offense I just really dislike goody two-shoes)

Update soon and how did he know where to find Adam?

Author's Response: hi gg500(is it okay if I call you that? :P)

I love Will too! He's a brilliant character, and might just make an entrance, or not! ;) Lol

Anyway, aww, Adam ain't bland! You just haven't *seen* him yet :P

I think what Will did was just ask around :P That mustn't have occurred to Lily :P

Thanks for the review! :D

Ak~

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and now we work on rose and scor! hehehe

Author's Response: How right you are! :P

lol, it's true. But, I have a plan for this couple too, all is not as it seems ;)

thanks for reviewing! :)

love
Ak~

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I actually dislike all the men in this story excluding Al:P

Scorpius and Will I dislike for obvious reasons... And Adam, well, he had plenty of opportunities to tell Lily all that just happened and he didn't finish things/get back together-- he just dragged everything on! The only one of the three characters here that has somewhat redeemed himself is Will because he was honest.

Congrats on another extremely addicting chapter! I loved it, can't wait to see what happenes next!

Please update soon:)

Author's Response: eeep! thank you!
*dies of happiness*
Ak~

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wasn't this story called "chemicals react?" did you change the name?

Author's Response: Yeah! This title seemed more apt, you'll see. ;)

love
Ak~

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Hi there, I'm here with your second review. I actually do use words like "knocker-downer", so I got a laugh out of that. Also from this: “Yeah, with Aunt Hermion- I mean your Aunt Hermione.” Adam and Lily definitely seem to fit: they're both a tad awkward. So no, Adam's not perfect, not yet anyway. Although I wonder why he turned down a trip around the world with his flatmates.

Would there really be telephones in wizarding world? Maybe a Paronus to Rose would make more sense than Lily calling her.

This chapter is a little dry. It's mostly she said this, he did that, they saw this. I was craving some description, some show not tell, by the time the first half of the chapter was over. It's a bit better the second half, but I'd definitely say that that's the big thing to work on for this chapter. It's all you talking at us, instead of the reader seeing for themselves. (I have the feeling I'm making little to no sense here, sorry.)

Overall, not a bad read. I think you've got plenty to work on, but Lily was much more likable this chapter and things have begun kicking off.

~lllb

Author's Response: sorry for the late reply, I just never got around to replying to reviews :P
Anyway, thanks for reviewing these, you're an established author on this site so to get your views on my teeny unknown story is quite a big thing for me! :P
Thanks again :D
love
Ak~


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Hello! Here with your review. I review as I go, then I go back and discuss your concerns.

Okay, I like that you're not going the Hogwarts route. So many fics out there set at school and it is great the see one that is older. I'm very fond of the first few paragraphs. The inner musings really set up a lot of the story. We get a feel for her relationship with her parents, a bit of background information on James and Rose and get to see her defined attitude. Well done opening for the story.

I actually laughed at the Face, Cold Floor thing. I usually don't laugh out loud when reading. :D I like her manner around boys. Very cute.

I love Albus. I really do. I hope he's a mainish character. :D Very VERY clever move on how to hide the Department of Mysteries thing. The whole "Not telling you" thing...brilliant. You're a clever writer, I like your snap.

I'm not a big ScoRose fan and there wasn't much from him in this chapter, so I can't make any opinions on how I feel about all that in the last section. :D I know you're an says it's been Beta'd but...you had quite a few grammatical problems. You might wanna consider sending it though to a second.

On to your concerns. You asked about Characterization on Lily and Adam (who I'm assuming is Green Eyed Door Hottie), trouble for Rose and Scorpius, Rose's hardships, dialogue and description.

Now, I can't comment on the Rose stuff because I'm assuming that is later chapters and therefore I've not seen it. Same goes for Green Eyed Door Hottie. As for Lily's character, I think she's pretty great. She has her quirks and her flaws and her charms. She feels rounded out and real to me. The dialogue seemed alright. It flowed well and matched up with the characters properly. When it comes to description, I'm a lover. I adore a lot of description, so naturally, I'm gonna say "You coulda had more" however, I didn't find it lacking.

Great overall opening chapter and feel free to re-request. :D --Jenna

Author's Response: hey!
Thanks for such a prompt review! :D The same of course can't be said for my response. I have exams going on, so yeah.:P
Anyway, your review made me really happy! :)
I'll definitely be re-requesting! :D
love
AK~

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Hi there! I'll jump right into my review. You seemed very eager to introduce everyone at once, from their occupations to their interests. For instance, you inserted a bit in parentheses about James loving to travel, and it felt choppy and unnecessary. If we need to know about James' job and interests, you can tell us about it in a different way, and when we're ready to hear it.

Next, it felt like you were trying very hard to make Lily the typical funny character, what with the cliched spinning world, the comment about the stalker, the drama, the 'Suck. It. Up.' and this line "(Groaned from the ground. Haha, I made a funny! Lily made a funny!)" If I'm being honest, that wasn't funny to me. So her character fell flat.

I'm interested to see where the characters go here. You seem to have two romances: Lily/Unnamed and Rose/Scorpius. Al probably fits in somewhere too. Good start, you introduced all the main characters here, and I'm ready to see where they go.

~lllb

Author's Response: You're right, that IS a pathetic attempt at humour. I should really stop. :P
Anyway, thanks for such a CC-ed review, haven't got one of these in a while. :)

I put in the part about where everyone is because this is a short story, I want to a give a general feel of what going on with the Next-Gen characters, I feel it's kinda important. I really couldn't think of any other way this time, but next time, I'll keep that in mind. :)

Thanks again for a great review! :D
love
Ak~

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I apologize. I would've posted my final review earlier, but I had to make a run. The run turned into a shopping spree. No complaints. I got dinner. :D

This chapter had me spinning around in circles! It's one issue to another, and that is just painful.

Rose… Ahh, Rosie. She left me feeling horrible. She’s such a good friend for going to that dinner. I still think Scorpius is making a mistake. I still think he's a douche for what he did to Rose. I like that you had her in a state of denial, like the cool, clear surface of ice is finally cracking beneath the unbearable blaze of a spring sun. In that case, she is very reminiscent of Hermione, and I love that she has Ron's temper when she can’t take it anymore.

Lily's friend.. I honestly believe he did that on purpose! I could be wrong. At first, I thought their playful bantering was cute and dorky, but after that last joke in the field..? No way. It had to have been on purpose.

And another thing: what was Adam doing where they were? Did someone give him the tip off or something? Oh! Pertaining to chapter 2: why is he always watching her? It's creepy, especially since she works in the Department of Mysteries and he's with the Authorities.

Adam had me livid because he wouldn't hear Lily out. I mean, -tch- how dare he slam the door in her face?? Quite suddenly, Lily-the glue- has to be glued back together again. I'm still curious about her boyfriend, though. We really don't know much about him.

It was a great chapter. The characterization and the flow left nothing to be desired. It was action packed (can you say.. serious mental breakdown?). Keep it up!!!

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Ah, chapter 3!

You learn so much more about Lily, only parts of Albus; it's just as well seeing as he's always gone or engrossed in a magazine. I love Lily's thought process! It's hilarious! It's great that you finally take the reader into the characters' habitat, because you'd be surprised at what you can learn about a person just by going in their room.

The flashback scenes were a real eye opener. Hugo cracked me up, and I would've been angry at him, too, if he ruined the surprise. I am surprised that they hadn't carried over any of their other friends from Hogwarts, though. But I'm one to talk. I tend to choose my siblings over my friends more often than not (we're tight like that :D).

You got a really good feel for the ladies in the flashback, though. Lily's naivety (whether she/you meant it or not) is apparent. Scorpius had me irate. It makes me wonder just why he rejected Rose, and leaves me begging for more. Suddenly, the story isn't quite about Lily. Now it surrounds Rose and the very reason she's so bubbly... it's like she's trying to cover up that deep-rooted pain. Who can blame her?

By the way, I would have liked it better had Rose's POV stayed through to the end of the chapter. Perhaps she'll have her say more often in the chapters to come..?

Another great chapter in the world of Lily Luna Potter, featuring: Rose Weasley!

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Hello! Here for review number two!

I enjoyed this chapter, though I did feel their relationship moved from like. . . two days to a month (by American standard relationships lol).

I think I like Mr. Rhys, although his perfection leaves me wondering if there's something not quite right about him. I get that way, really, when a perfect stranger just seems too nice, and asks me out the second time we "happen upon each other." Still, it was well written. I did feel as if it was a bit too centered around he and Lily (If I had gone out with someone the first night like she did, I would have been shot by my 'rent, XD). And Lils... she tells him so much that first time! To be honest, it kind of shows another side of her… one that is slightly naive (hence the cause of Albus' menacing "brotherly love"). Or maybe I'm wrong? Very good chapter, just the same!

On to the next chapter!
~Scarlette/Jenna

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Hello, love! It's Scarlette/Jenna from the Forums, here to deliver reviews as promised/requested!

In my personal opinion: I loved it. It was completely different, and it made me see Lily in an entire new perspective. She tends to be in the background a lot (I am guilty of this ~_~;), and I feel she honestly deserves more credit. I enjoyed her silly moments, and generally spent my time giggling. In essence: she's everything I would've imagined her to be!

Your characterizations are great, so you need not worry about that department. I enjoy the way you've written them, especially when the new-age trio is always together. I love how Albus tries to be so nonchalant, yet he has shown himself to be smug. Rose is cute, and I love how bubbly she is. Having Scorpius as their best friend, and a Gryffindor was a genius move! I haven't seen it done before. There's normally an inherited prejudice among the families.

As for Lily's man (to be?), he has me in a bind. I'm curious about him. His eyes are kind of weird, and quite frankly, I'd be mesmerized and hesitant to speak to him.

The flow of the story itself was good, but I felt like it was rushed near the end. By the way, I thought the ending of this chapter was perfect. It leaves me feeling like I'm watching a television show, and we've been left at a part where the main character has realized her vulnerability is annoying because it can't be ignored like everything else. On to next week's episode!

Great story thus far!

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Hey here with my last review.
I'm intrigued on how you are turning this into a short story because you have set up an great idea for a novel or a novella. So I am intrigued.
I didn't see too many faults and you pace was good again. I think in this chapter and the last one you got into your pace.
Again with the italics, added way too much.
Ok I feel Lily's pain in this chapter over the William and Adam situation in this chapter. You did it very well and I adore how you ended it and how affected by it Lily is. Many people are like yeah she is sad and now her firend showed up and she is laughing like nothing happened. Then don't mention it for like 3 chapters when he saunters back into the story.
Anyway I'm all done if you want any more reivews come round the review thread and just yell.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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Hey I'm back.
I really like Albus he is very older brother in this chapter.
I can't believe Scorp is getting married I didn't see that coming at all but I can't wait to see where it goes. Should be interesting.
There are some words that you have used italics on but I don't think it is needed there. Just a quick look through will probably show you what I mean.
The same thing with words that are capatalised.
You flow in this chapter is really good just keep this pace.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

Author's Response: I've been told that often, but I use them to show emphasis.I should stop. :/
But, wtv. :)
Scorpius is an amazing character to write. It's so much fun! Hope you like what I have planned out for him. ;)
Anyway, thanks for the quick review! :D
love
Ak~

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Hey me again here with you second review. :)
Hmm. Adam, he is very nice. I am suspicious of him but I think you should keep a close watch on his character to stop him becoming too perfect.
Saying that I liked how his and Lily's relationship developed but it was rushed if you get what I mean?
One thing here in Britain we use mobile phones not cell phones.
This chapter is very romance centered maybe shift it about by adding in a conversation with Hermione or someone like that. Just add more of a balance.
Anyway I think I will go on to the next chapter.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

Author's Response: Yeah, mobile phone/ cell phone thing. I should change that. :D
Anyway, Adam in many ways seems perfect to Lily; she's too busy wondering how perfect he is to notice how in control he has to be all the time, that just hasn't come into play in this at all.
So, yeah. :)
thanks for the review!
love
Ak~

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Hey RandomRed here from the forums.
Lily's characterisation is very well done she draws the reader in with her wit.
This is a good first chapter as far as set up goes, we know the basic details about her life which allows you to get on with story instead of trying to add it in later.
You have a typo here.
Then there was also the guy from work that I I was falling for.
On the topic of that sentence though, I really like how the reader knows next to nothing on the mystery stranger. It adds mystery, why wasn't that an obvious observation from me. Oh well.
The fact she works for the Department of Mysteries will hopefully be a large part of the plot because it just has to be. Well it doesn't but it is such a great idea to not be used.
The chapter ended sort of quickly but then again I liked the way you ended it.
I also and going to give you a virtual cookie for putting both Albus and Scorpius in Gryffindor usually they are both in Slytherin and then Albus goes bad.
Anyway I am going to stop rambling and get on to the next chapter!
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

Author's Response: :D
wow thanks for an amazing review! :) The typo! Have been meaning to edit it for AGES! Will do now! :P
Anyway, glad you liked it! :)
love
Ak~

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Wow. I really like this story. Lily's character is really believable. I know it's not her fault but I don't think Adam is acting irrationally. I can't even comment on the Rose/Scorpius relationship... It makes me too sad. All I can say is it's definitley an add to favourites :D

Author's Response: theupsidedownquibbler!

I love your reviews! They make me smile EVERY TIME! :D

I'm really glad that you like this story, I've put a lot of thought into each character as if it were an original fic xP

Adam...he's just, you'll see :P

Thanks again for reviewing!
Ak~

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pretty good. UPDATE SOON :D

Author's Response: WILL DO! :D

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