nice could turn into a great story and a little more details and describe more things

Author's Response: Thanks and thanks for the reveiw.

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This was a nice chapter, it has good content, there were just some errors that were kind of distracting. Some grammar and punctuation, mostly. There were a bunch of times where the first word of the sentence wasn't capitolized. Things like that.

If you don't have a beta, you may want to think about getting one. They can help with these mundane errors and you just have to focus on writing. :P

But I did like this chapter, otherwise. I thought it was funny the situation between Rose/Albus/Lizaya (what a pretty, interesting name). I'm glad Al kicked Lizaya out and not Rose. What a good cousin.

And I'm still wondering what OWC means...hmmm...

If you need any help, drop me a line!

-momoe

Author's Response: Thanks.I'm starting to check my work more beofore I submit it so the punctuation and stuff liike that should get better.

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Well, what a cliffie! I must say, you've captured my interest with your summary. I contemplated whether to read or skip over this and, obviously I decided to read, and I liked!

You're right, this chapter was a bit short. That's okay, though, it's only the beginning! I wonder what Rose saw at the end?

To lengthen this chapter a bit, you could maybe put some more description in, like what the Potter kitchen looked like or something like that. Otherwise, it was good!

-momoe

Author's Response: Thanks, I'll try use the advise.

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I do like this chapter to so update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks. It may take a while for me to post the next chapter.

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This sems like a really good story! I would love to know who she really is and what she saw Ablus doing!

Author's Response: Thanks. You have to read on to fid that out

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you spelt jeans wrong.

Author's Response: uhhh thanks?

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I really like the idea of this story, the summary drew me in. I like the start and the little blue suede book, everything so far has me interested and drawn into the story, I want to know what she saw desperatly! It's an interesting cliffhanger and leaves the reader wanting to know more which is, I suppose the whole idea of them =D Just a little pointer, when using speech marks there should be some punctuation before the end, for example:

“Thanks Jamie” said Rose with a worried smile.

Should be:

“Thanks Jamie,” said Rose with a worried smile.

Really wonderful idea, I'm intrigued on how you will continue it! Keep writing!

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the reveiw and the advice, the next chapter should be up soon.

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