Reading Reviews for Invisible Magic
  
58 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marissa lily potter Prologue

26th July 2012:
Hey there, marissa lily potter here with the review you requested.

It was a wonderful start to the story. I like how it started with a description of serious and his personality. It was good to be able to get a feel of him right away and my only concern is that you stay constant with his personality throughout the story. Sometimes, authors change up their characterizations half way.

It was a very intriguing chapter and a great start! It left a lot of room for the plot to develop and Sirius was amazing. I absolutely love his character. I think that it's very interesting the way you chose to portray him. Spelling, grammar and punctuation wise, you're golden. I didn't see anything that needs to be worked on.

Great work! I enjoyed reading this chapter very much & I wish you the best of luck in continuing this story. Thanks so much for requesting and I'd love to see more from you in the future! :)

-marissa lily potter

Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review! :) You did it in no time, too. You must have super powers. I am quite pleased that you liked it, especially Sirius. You're a doll!
Thanks again!!
Hugs,
Lcuky


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Review #27, by SetSail16 Fading

23rd July 2012:
I love this. It's so... calculating. I've honestly never thought of Sirius's character this way before, and I have to admit, I love it. It almost seems realistic.
I love Lindsey too, she's so honest and easy to love. It's hard to randomly add in that James has a sister, but you made it work.

I want more, please!

Author's Response: Yay!! :) I'm pleased that you like the characterization of Sirius. It's really the only way I ever saw him, so I had to write it out from my perspective, I guess. Thank you for the review!! :) The next chapter is presenting difficulties, but it is mostly done.
Thanks again!
Hugs!
Lucky


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Review #28, by LoonyTheElf Under Control

27th November 2011:


Author's Response: ...Okay! lol

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Review #29, by WeasleyTwins Black Lies

8th August 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review. I would like to apologize for the delay!

I really don't think you should worry about whether this lives up to the prologue or not. Your plot is obviously well-defined and your characters are each unique but not overly bizarre. There was only one thing that I would suggest changing. I don't believe that Dumbledore would have made such a public announcement requesting that those students see him after the feast. We know that Regulus was smart enough to figure out what Voldemort was doing - what if he or someone else figured out that those students were the beginnings of the Order? It would be utter disaster. I would personally say that you have McGonagall or another random, miscellaneous teacher hand each of these people the same note, an identical request at a meeting. Dumbledore was a subtle man, so I don't think that that particular announcement fit with his characterization either. Just a suggestion, of course.

Overall, I really enjoyed the chapter. I think I told you that I don't go for the whole, 'James has a sister that has a sort-of-thing with Sirius,' but I find your interpretation to be a truly delightful read. Excellent.

Shelby

Author's Response: Okay, I giggled when I saw your name come up. Just saying. ;)
*grins* Thank you quite muchly!
Your suggestion is an excellent one. I've actually been trying to rewrite that particular section, but it's taking me time. I wil most definetly fix it! :D
Thank you again, and I'm glad that you are good with my interpretation.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #30, by charlottetrips Prologue

5th August 2011:
Ahhh! LuckySeven!!! I am SO sorry that I am completely late with this review!!

I’m so excited to be reviewing your story!! I was going to try and do my review like your amazingly hilarious and completely splendiferous reviews but…I’m really not like that so you’ll have to settle for Char’s Brand of Running Reviews (which are exceptional by the by ::wink, wink::). Another reason why I’m so excited is BECAUSE of your wonderful reviews which communicate so clearly and are just a blast to read, I just couldn’t imagine what a whole STORY would be like with you at the keyboard!

Now, onto the actual review :P

LOVED YOUR FIRST LINE!!! What a way to get the reader’s attention!

This description of sleeping: “Sleeping had always been a hard task, turning off my mind, closing my eyes, and trusting that I was somehow safe enough to enter a state of obliviousness were all beyond me.” is scarily accurate to how I’ve felt before when I couldn’t sleep. Maybe this is the reason for insomnia? Like the real underlying reason?

I’m so intrigued already by the story and I’m just in the middle of it! What happened to Lindsay? Or more importantly, who the hizzy is she?

I loved how you got Sirius’ emotions concerning Lindsay clearly present in just this little bit here of how it wasn’t his job to ask. And how he clearly notices all the little details. I totally have something for unrequited love…

Beautiful line: “Now, she felt her fragility, like a piece of cracked glass that knew exactly how close it was to shattering.” Such a great way of getting the reader to understand exactly how this girl is feeling.

Ah!!! What is the back story?!?! You’re lucky (seven) for many reasons that I held off for so long on reviewing…in fact, it was a deliberate and brilliant ploy on my part? Why, you ask? Because 1) I feel guilty and will now review more than one chapter (as you wrote a helluva lot more by the time I got to this) 2) It’s Review Extravaganza and 3) because I like this story!! Yay!

charlottetrips [Ravenclaw] (not quite beating your record here)

Author's Response: *giggle* Charlotte!!! *hugs*
You were probably expecting something a bit bouncier from me, huh? lol. And no worries about the delay, I'm about a month behind on my own reviews...:0
Thank you very much for this lovely review. It may be the longest one I've gotten on this story so far, so there's a record! ;)
That first line made me feel a bit melodramatic, but then I thought that this characterization of Sirius was already such a drama queen that nobody would notice. It seems that my evil plot worked that time!;)
I think that the lack of trust/other such hinky issues are what is keeping poor Sirius awake. So you hit the nail on the head, darling.
Lindsey is James twin sister by the way...people keep asking, lol. It comes up later! I promise! :D
Like I said...Sirius is a drama queen. Especially around Lindsey. I spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at him when I write.
Well, your deliberate and brilliant ploy worked. I had beenlulled into a false sense of security! Lol.
And, no need to feel guilty, this review made me quite happy!
Thanks again!!
Hugs, Bubbles, and Other Assorted Wonderfully Splendiferous Items,
Lucky
P.S I saw you using the word splendiferous over there!! :D


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Review #31, by Rachelb1 The First Domino

2nd August 2011:
I enjoy how you write about sirius's dark past and you writing style. I love your stories and can't wait for the next one.

Author's Response: Thanks! I love writing this story, so I'm glad that you are enjoying it. The next chapter is done, except for tweaking. :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #32, by LilyFire Prologue

31st July 2011:
Okay, I know this is like...a month late and I'm sorry. Time seems to creep away from me and I don't know where it goes.

This seems pretty good, and it really draws the reader in, which is good since it's what a prolouge is suppose to do. I'm left wondering what Bella did to her-crucio, probably, but thats just a guess.

I normally don't read stories where James has a sister, but this seems to be pretty good!

~Lily

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And no worries, I am just as far behind on my own reviews. I'm glad that you approved of my hook-ness. :)
The whole James's sister thing...I'll admit, it's a plot device borne of laziness and a lack of other ways to make certain things work out. Don't worry, I'm trying to avoid cliches.
Thank you for this wonderful review!!
hugs,
Lucky


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Review #33, by Quillfeathers The First Domino

30th July 2011:
I'm really enjoying this story! The prologue was such a great hook, and I'm very curious to learn more about the dark events in Lindsey's past. It's clear that you've spent a lot of time contemplating the personality and history of the Black family, and one of my favorite bits of this story was the comparison between Regulus and Sirius in chapter 1. I'm fascinated by their relationship, and so it was really interesting to read such a compelling description of their characters. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that I've got you interested. The Black family is very fun for me to write about, so I'm glad that you appreciated it. Their relationship is very interesting and confusing to outsiders. ;) Thank you so very much for this review and your awesome insights on things.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #34, by Ellie The First Domino

30th July 2011:
Great story! Hope you continue to write them!

Author's Response: Thanks! And don't worry, I will. :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #35, by Black Mirror The First Domino

30th July 2011:
Just found your story, and loved it!

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for the review!
Hugs.
Lucky


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Review #36, by LoonyTheElf Prologue

29th July 2011:
i like your writing. (: it's really poetic.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #37, by fairytalelover3 Under Control

29th July 2011:
It was really good. Poor Sirius though. I'm so curious though on what happened. Also I love all the quotes at the beginning of the chapters. And also the way you write things, and the description of things are really good.

Author's Response: *blush*
Yes, I feel sorry for Sirius. Also, I feel strangely mean for putting him through all of this. Maybe I'm a bit crazy. ;)
I'm glad that you like the quotes. Picking them out is a pain, but as long as someone appreciates it, it's worth it.
Thank you so very much for this review! It brightened my day.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #38, by fairytalelover3 Prologue

29th July 2011:
It was really good. I liked the line about the knife in the back about trusting. Really great. I wonder what happened to Lindsey. I'll just have to keep reading.

Author's Response: Thanks! And I'm glad that you're interested. Enjoy!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #39, by mimblewimble_nan Prologue

25th July 2011:
Damn this is interesting me! You really did capture my attention with this.
It is a wonderful prologue and I think the dialogue is well done.

I just have two things to point out, which are completely minor and more in an opining mood than critique:
- the lines where Sirius thinks about the questions he wants to ask should maybe be in italic;
- I'd like to see just a little more characterization on Lindsey, although I'm sure she'll be further described later in the story, here in this chapter where she's first introduced.

Great work, very well done prologue!

Author's Response: Thanks! :) This review was helpful. You rock! And yes, Lindsey will get some limelight later. No worries.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #40, by forsakenphoenix Under Control

24th July 2011:
Poor Sirius, losing control. I feel like I don't really understand what's going on with him half the time. Not sure if that's intentional. Does his whole...arguing with her and trying not to be her friend have something to do with his family or all these confusing thoughts he keeps thinking? Like I said, I have noo idea what's going through his mind half the time.

Lindsey is like that younger sister who never does what she's told. She would've been fine doing that dive if it wasn't for the bludger. I love how protective James is though even if I would hate my own brother to act like that.

Why doesn't she just break up with Johnson already?! What, is he expecting her to be a trophy wife who just stays at home all day cleaning the house and getting a hot meal on the table? Please...Lindsey is totally not that kind of woman and if he knew her at all, he would realize this.

I like her observation of Sirius, of how he wears a mask and even though it's not the real him, maybe it's better to know that mask than to know the troubled man he is. It's kind of depressing though.

I noticed a few grammatical errors but nothing of too much concern. Nice story so far. :)

Author's Response: Sirius is being complicated on purpose. It becomes more clear later on. He's even trained himself not to think about certain things too much. Like I said, it will all come together...hopefully. ;)
Lindsey is exactly like that! As I have one of those, it's easy to see where the inspiration came from. Heh.
And Andrew Johnson.I suppose he exists for a reason, but he annoys me quite a bit, and I'm his creator. Don't worry, as Lindsey grows into a stronger person from her ordeal, she'll put things straight. :D
And...I find myself feeling sorry for my poor Sirius. He's got a rough life.
Thank you so very much for your reviews. They were helpful, insightful, and lovely.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #41, by forsakenphoenix Black Lies

24th July 2011:
Corrections: "Miraculously, we had all had survived the summer" there shouldn't be the second had. "I managed, fuming" forgot a period. "could (and had) dazzle" This doesn't flow very well. I've also noticed some errors when you're writing dialogue and tag lines - there should be a comma instead of a period (i.e. "Blah blah blah," said James.) And at one point you wrote 'worlds' and it should be 'world's.'

I loved this line: “Sorry, Potter! I just wanted to listen to your dulcet tones. Have you considered a career as a banshee?” It made me chuckle. The tension between Sirius and Lindsey is palpable if not sometimes frustrating. I don't understand why they can't be in the same room and not snap at each other.

I liked the comparisons between Regulus and Sirius. Lindsey mentions having a distant desire to save him, which is interesting. I'm not really sure why it was brought up if it isn't a more deeper desire. Distant kind of makes it seem like she sort of does but isn't really interested.

I was confused at first because I couldn't believe that you would just have Dumbledore announce to the whole school that he wanted to meet with these particular students. It was an interesting way to broach the topic of the Order. I don't think I've seen it where he just asks a group of them straight out if they want to join, and I don't know if I like it very much. What if they don't join? All those who were in the room with them together would know and there could be potential problems with that. I always saw the Order as secretive, you know? But this is just my opinion.

Also, so I'm assuming Lindsey is James's twin sister then, if they're in the same year? I'm not sure if I missed that somewhere but I was a little confused for a while when I was reading it.

Author's Response: Ah, you've discovered my greatest enemy. Grammar. Thanks for catching that stuff. No matter how many times I proofread, I seem to miss typos and mess up on my grammar. I'll be sure to fix it all up. :D
Good point on the Lindsey/Regulus dynamic. And the Order...I never really considered that. *scampers off to fix things*
And yes, they are twins...but I guess I don't point that out. Oh, my. :)
Thank you so much for all of your help! Now I can go back and fix things to make this story better. You are Made of Awesome.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #42, by forsakenphoenix Prologue

24th July 2011:
I love your writing style. It flows nicely and keeps the story going at a good pace. I'm not usually a fan of stories where James has a sister and ha, of course, Sirius is interested in. But so far it's not a bad start and it doesn't seem to conform to the usual cliches. I'm curious to see what happened with Lindsey and Bellatrix!

I love Sirius's reflections on his life; how being a Black has molded him into the man he's become, how if he was born into a different family that he would be a different man.

I especially like this line: "I had never been normal. The chance to be ordinary had probably been frightened away from me before I’d been born." It definitely sets the tone of the story.

Characterizations seem great. I love how James and Sirius are so protective and Lindsey seems like she's trying to maintain a tough exterior (her insistence that whatever happened between her and Bellatrix was nothing more than a little ordeal) but she's still a broken, little girl who has to fight through nightmares.

Very interesting start. I'm intrigued and am going to continue reading. :)

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you very much! I didn't want Lindsey to be James's sister, but it was the only way that everything would fit together without forcing me to extend the storyline and give myself a heart attack. ;) This characterization of Sirius is something i've been dying to put in a story, so I finally made it the focal point of a story.
Thank you so very much for this review. It made me smile.
hugs,
Lucky


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Review #43, by searching17 Under Control

24th July 2011:
Again, an amazing chapter! With great character development and 1st person writing.

Everyone thought that the Marauders were just the cool kids. Well, nearly everyone did. Lily tended to get in the way of my blanket generalizations. -- loved this statement. You seriously make Lindsey seem so real, like she was really there in the Marauder period.

James didn't understand that I wasn't allowed to love. Admitting that I was dying to break that rule would do no good. Thinking about it made my head swim. My thoughts went involuntarily back to my childhood, to the things that I had done. No, I couldn't love. I wasn't capable of it, not really. Love was like trust. And trust meant death. For both of us. -- This last piece left me in awe. Great, great writing.

I seriously cannot wait for the next chapter. Please let me know when it is up on the forums (feel free to post again on my review thread!) Seriously, a great great read. KEEP WRITING. I still want to know what Lindsey has been through (that event) and I want to see her grow into a confident person. I want to know more of Sirius's past! James being protective of her is so cute, and your portrayal of Sirius has so much depth that I've never read before or expected him to have. Please let me know when the next chapter is up!!! 10/10 for sure.

~Estrella

Author's Response: Gah! I responded, but my computer is evil. Let's try again, shall we?
Squee! Thank you so very much. These reviews made my day, possibly my week.
I'm glad that you think Lindsey is realistic, because I worry about her. :)
And thanks for commenting on that bit, because I worry that I'm making Sirius into too much of a sociopath (and he still has so much to do!).
So thank you very, very much! You are Made of Awesome. I will definetly alert you once I have gotten around to editing and posting the next chapter.
Thanks again!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #44, by searching17 Black Lies

24th July 2011:
Loved this chapters -- seeing all the characters grow and expand through Lindsey's eyes was a treat. I love hearing things from Lindsey's Point of View, how exasperated she is at everyone trying to protect her. She's the same age as James, I suppose? But everyone treats her differently.

"Don't say another word!" Sirius interrupted quietly and dangerously, knowing me well enough to cut me off before I got into a rant.. -- Loved this bit. Lindsey's relationship with Sirius is so complicated and I can definitely see why it's frustrating to her.

Regulus, always the gentleman --- the introduction of Regulus and your characterization of him surprised and impressed me. You deviated from the norm, and instead of making him an evil sneaky character, you made him more like Sirius than I expected. And the interaction between him and Sirius was well done -- one can tell he looks up to his older brother still.

"I'm protecting you from an ongoing and highly pathetic attempt to convert you to Voldemort's cause." --- This part sounded SO much like Sirius I had to mention it. Great job with characterization -- especially Lindsey -- although she's an original character, you make her plausible as James Potter's sister. She acts and behaves like one would if related to and protected by the Marauders.

We sat in a stupor through the sorting, listening to James's stomach rumble --- This made me laugh. Once again, I thoroughly enjoyed Lindsey's point of view! And that bit about Lindsey thinking about hinting to James that Lily was more pliable this year is genius. Very well done. You didn't overdelve into any topic/character/relationship, but you still covered them well enough for us to find them familiar.

Great, great writing. You have immense talent when it comes to writing in 1st person. I can't wait to read more! 10/10

~Estrella

Author's Response: Oh, I am blushing. Thank you so very much! I prefer Sirius POV, but Lindsey is still fun to write, just because she has a lot of insight that she wishes she didn't. And...her age is a bit of a hiccup. I suppose they'd have to be twins. (That bit is the biggest hole I have in my tale.)
And yes, Lindsey is quite frustrated with the way she is treated like a porcelain doll. Poor girl. Sirius...he's acting like a madman, in her eyes. :)
Regulus: I became indignant on his behalf, so I decided to let him be a cool character, for once...even if it meant putting him in Sirius's shadow. It's cute really, how much he ends up parroting his older brother without realizing. They're so fun to write about!
And that line was a favorite of mine, so I'm glad you mentioned it. :D
I'm glad that you like Lindsey POV, because I was a bit worried about it.
Again, thank you so very much for this beautiful review. It made me blush and giggle...and write you a novel in return. THANK YOU!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #45, by searching17 Prologue

24th July 2011:
Oh, wow. This is really good - hearing Sirius's thoughts is both refreshing and original, and you make it work well. The introduction of a sibling to James is very interesting, and I can't wait to see how you use it. You make Sirius seem very real when he is innerly afraid of the dark and of his feelings for Lindsey -- well done! We usually see Sirius as this uncaring casual person, but here we see his thoughts and how being born into the Black family has messed him up. It's really interesting to see it from his point of view (as a person born into a dark family trying to be good). Can't wait to see where this goes! Great writing and I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes! 10/10!

~Estrella

Author's Response: *Joy* Thanks for this lovely review! It has made me quite smiley. And this version of Sirius is my favorite. I've been dying to put it into a story for ages.
Thanks again for your insight!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #46, by Deltaris Under Control

24th July 2011:
I really liked this chapter. The switch between POV's didn't seem out of place or disruptive.

I can see the turmoil and confusion present in both Sirius and Lindsey, and it only seems to connect them to each other more. I want more interaction between the two; their relationship fascinates me. And we don't even really know their history, which frustrates me, haha.

Author's Response: Oh, good. Because I always worry about the POV switches. Sometimes, they seem quite abrupt to me. Your reaction is pretty much what I was hoping for. (Have you noticed that you a reassuring my hopes al lot, here?) So I must be on a roll. And yes, there will be more interaction in the future. And flashbacks. Many flashbacks. ;)
Thanks for all of this feedback! It was very nice.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #47, by Deltaris Black Lies

24th July 2011:
I love the repetition with the last line, brilliant!

The mood in this chapter had it's similarities and differences with the first one. Being through Lindsey's POV, there are bound to be differences from Sirius's, but they both were dark and fearful.

The amount of background in this chapter is astounding. There was so much information about the character's life at Hogwarts, and yet it didn't seem weighed down by it all.

I would like some more explanation as to how the rest of the students didn't hear Dumbledore summoning them. But, as it's Dumbledore and he never really explains himself, I'm ok without it.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked that last line repetition, because I wasn't sure about it. Dark and fearful. Wonderful. That's what I was aiming for. :D I'm glad that my info dump wasn't too heavy.
And I never thought about including the why behind Dumbledore's Awesome Magic...(plot devices, hehe) But that is a good idea.
Thanks for another great review!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #48, by Deltaris Prologue

24th July 2011:
First off, I love how this is Sirius's first person. Most of the stories that have Sirius as the main character are through an OC's POV. This is a very refreshing change and opens more windows for darkness, fear and the many other things that make up Sirius Black.

Even as a child, Sirius's life was filled with darkness, and you captured that wonderfully with his inner monologue about sleep. His thoughts about Sirius Potter were the perfect parallel to his own life. Before the war, the Potters were untouched, pure; the Blacks have never been, even fleetingly.

I've seen a few stories with James having siblings, and I'm glad that you've strayed from the typical cliche. Lindsey has her weaknesses, has been through things that we don't know and couldn't imagine, and still stands strong.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you approve of the Sirius POV. And that was the exact version of sirius that I wanted to convey, so I guess I'm on the right track. :)
Thanks for the great review!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #49, by WeasleyTwins Prologue

21st July 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review as requested.

Okay, normally I don't do this. I try to be professional...

HOLY MOTHER OF WATERMELONS! You're J.K. Rowling in disguise aren't you? I knew it. You don't have her style, but yours is /brilliant/. It's so smooth and effortless. Oh. My. Watermelons. I'm in love, yep, that's right, I'm in love.

Usually I don't go for the whole 'James Potter has a sister who ends up dating Sirius Black.' But goodness me, I LOVE this. Your style, your description, your characterization, your dialogue. It is all perfect. I'm a pretty picky reader/reviewer, but I swear that there is nothing wrong with this. It's gorgeous.

By far, my favorite part of this first chapter was the first section about sleeping and normalcy. It just resonated with me. I honestly don't know what else to tell you other than you have done a phenomenal job. I know I haven't been much help, but what's the point? The piece is brilliance.

Please feel free to re-request. God, this is...revolutionary.

Shelby

Author's Response: *dies* Wow. Thank you so much! I tried to respond to this review yesterday, but the internet was not cooperating. I was cowering in my boots at the thought of serious & scary CC...so this pretty much made my week. I've been made speachless. All I have to say is that you and your watermelons are Made of Awesome! I will most definetly re-request!! Thanks darling!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #50, by Ellie Under Control

17th July 2011:
Awesome story! I hope you keep writing more! Regulus is my favorite character i hope you write about him more!

Author's Response: Aw, shucks. :) Chapter three is well on it's way to completion! And, yes, Regulus will be getting more screen time. Thanks for this delicious review!
Hugs,
Lucky


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