Another fantastic chapter. The same comments as the previous.
Absloutely wonderful! I see a bit of protection coming in Teddy. I hope he doesn't just use the "friendly" or "brotherly" excuse though.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much, I am told it gets better as it progresses, but I find it hard to have an unbiased view on it, Lol.
No, he is forbidden from such excuses, but there may well be a little bit of denial. He\\\'s not going to accept it so easily, but it will all become a bit clearer when you see the obstacles up ahead ;).
Thanks so much for reviewing again! It was so unexpected and a wonderful surprise ^_^. Report Review
Hello, Jane, dear!
I was absolutely craving Teddy/Victoire/Dom/whatever stories, and then I remembered that I hadn't read your story yet! Truthfully, I have no idea why. I've been meaning to for so long!
I'm so glad I did! It's fantastic! Dom's attraction to Teddy isn't quite there yet, but I'm so excited for it to kick in. The plot is amazing. Molly was absolutely hysterical. Complete opposite of Percy! I see a little bit of the twins in her. ;) Everything is wonderful, and I can't wait for the rest!
My only CC is grammar and all that. There were quite a few mistakes. Here are the first two I came across just to show you:
Despite their expanding family her parents had been loath to leave their first home together and...
I'm not quite sure what the loath part is all about. Maybe it's not a mistake at all.
When train screeched to a stop and Dominique was one of the first passengers to bound onto the platform.
Well, I believe the word "the" is missing between "when" and "train," and there are a few other things. Such as the unnecessary "and." It makes it an incomplete sentence.
There were a few mistakes like the ones above, but it was easy to get around them. I would still suggest reading over it. My only CC though. ;) Nothing is perfect. ;)
Onto the next chapter! I can't wait! ILY, JANE!
10/10Author's Response: Hey, Drue! It\\\'s lovely to see you round my neck of the woods! Lol
I am absolutely awful for meaning to read stories and never getting round to it! And yours are a perfect case of that, but I\\\'ll definitely be round soon with a review or two ;). I had a craving a couple of months ago for a Hermione/Krum-the most random one yet!
Thank you so much! -blushes- It\\\'s not exactly the most life-changing or deep fic out there, but it as an immense amount of fun to write and I just love the characters to bits. It\\\'s my first next gen and I am rather attached to it. I\\\'m really glad that you liked Molly! I think that she often gets a raw deal in fan fiction and wanted to put a bit of a different spin on her ^_^.
Yes, I did mess up the editing a little in this chapter, but the first sentence is right, actually. Loath just isn\\\'t exactly one of the most common words out there, Lol. The second one has no excuse, apart from my dodgy proof reading and I\\\'m be sure to go through it and fix it up ASAP! Thanks for pointing that out!
I will DEFINITELY be checking it over, but I have a feeling that I know exactly what I did wrong with the editing process, so it should be easy to remedy ^_^.
ILY TOO, DRUE! Thanks so much for stopping by. LET\\\'S GO SKYDIVING! Report Review
Woo! And she's done it again! Great job!!! I love how you portray Molly as more than just the nerdy spawn of Perry's, which is how many people put her as. I always like to think that Molly is wild, and the opposite of her namesake :) Well, the queue is going to be open about the day after tomorrow, I think? So, I really hope that you get to be putting up another chapter up soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\\\'m absolutely thrilled that you\\\'re enjoying it ^_^. Yes, I wanted to have her a little bit different, she\\\'s probably more like her grandmother than Percy, but she\\\'s still entirely her own person. Chapter six is being very problematic for me, but hopefully I\\\'ll get it up soon! It\\\'s Dom\\\'s birthday party!
Again, thanks a million for taking the time to review. Report Review
Haha, hi Jane! -waves- I'm not going to scare you, I promise. I'm just going to squee and grin, okay? This was so cute! I told you already that I think Victoire/Teddy/Dominique are steeped in so much angst/drama/betrayal that it's getting really old and stale to see things like that. So it's such a relief to see what seems like a lighthearted story about them! And I especially respect being able to pull off lightheartedness with a semi-straight face because every time I try to write it, I get disgusted with myself and make my characters miserable. I sincerely hope you don't do that, because this is just too delightful! Dominique and Molly's conversation was really cute and very teenager-y (as in, I can totally see myself doing that with my cousins, if only they weren't all under ten... anyway.) I'm really happy, though, that you didn't use dialogue tags there, because it would have ruined the flow. I abuse tags myself, so it's great to see someone who doesn't.
I would comment on your sentence structure (cough missing commas cough), but I'm sure you know that, and if you don't, your beta should be able to fix those errors. And I got lost trying to keep track of all of the characters, but that's just me. And I'm not exactly sure what your plot is, but the beauty of fluff is that you don't need a plot... immediately, anyway. I'm content with this sort of aimless thing, it's just too adorable. :)
SO. Am I really that scary? Of course not! -huggles- Will definitely keep an eye out on this story ^.^Author's Response: Hey gubby,
I love that you're trying to start off the friendliness with a wave =P -waves back-.
That's definitely true, which is what inspired me into the wilds of fluff. I just wanted them to have a relationship that wasn't so forbidden or pressurised, but with a few catches. Lol, thank you. I so sometimes get a bit wrapped up in the candyfloss goodness of it all and do some rather daft things that I would never do with another fic, but anything is possible here! With bunny man by my side I am unstoppable.
Ah, yes, being the oldest in a group of bratty cousins isn't the most fun position in the world to be in... I love how forward Molly is! I am a non-planner and she just turned out like that and it enables me to stick banter in everywhere, Lol. I am CONSTANTLY trying to force myself to put dialogue tags in because I'm pathetic with them, but I really didn't want to break that section up too much or make it choppy.
Ah, the saga of the dodgily done first chapter, I recently worked out what I did, but it's too long to type because I enjoy being lazy too much. Hopefully you'll catch onto them more as the story progresses, but this was introduction central. -Skips merrily over the evil 'p' word that gubby just mentioned-. Hahaha, em, yes, plot... I'm currently searching for one, but to be honest, this is basically just a story of fluffy shippage, Lol. It comes together a bit more in the later chapters though, it's not all quite as floaty as this.
Actually, no... But it may just be an evil ruse! No, I kid, thank you millions for the lovely review and for taking the time to read ^_^. Report Review
Yay, Percy! I love the way you write him, he's just hilarious. And 'trendy'! My mum says that all the time, and it's unbelievably embarrassing. It made me laugh, and was really... appropriate, as well, if you know what I mean. The way all of your characters are written is really age appropriate - they all come across as the age they're actually meant to be (a fact I'm completely jealous of as I can't do it to save my life...)
I also love that we saw a bit more of Molly and Dom's friendship. And those girls at the end were brilliant, too. "He could ravage me any day." - Ha! Classic line.
Again, 10/10. I'm now fairly sure this could never be anything but :)Author's Response: Percy was never my favourite character, but then I started writing him and I fell head over heels with his absolute ridiculousness! Trendy, the bane of my existence... Why must parents say it? Lol, yes, I think I do and it's probably because 'trendy' is a favourite word of my mums =P. Thank you so much, I try my best to differentiate between them all and I'm extremely glad that it's working so far ^_^.
I'm glad that you liked them, I really wanted to show more of them together and their similarities and differences. I absolutely adore Molly, she's just so daft and in the next chapter we see even more of her. Haha, thank you very much! That line is rather fun =P.
Thanks sooo much, you're much too kind -blush- Report Review
Oh.My.God. I can't believe I missed out on a whole two updates!! What's wrong with me?! And such a brilliant chapter, as well. I loved the insight into Teddy's mind, and I seriously adore the way you write him. Actually, I think yours is my favourite Teddy ever. I actually love him. And I love Dom too, though not really in the same way. She's just so sweet, and I felt so sorry for her in this chapter. The whole 'it wouldn't have happened to Victoire' conversation was just heartbreaking. Bless her.
I also loved the ending! "He doesn't fancy either of my daughters!" - Ha! Poor Bill.
10/10.Author's Response: You have just paid me the biggest compliment ever! I love Teddy myself and there are so many brilliant ones out there, but this one is my Teddy and it means a lot that you like him just as much ^_^. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Haha, obviously not in the same way. I'm glad you like her too though, she didn't turn out exactly as I had planned, but it works for this fic. That was sad, it was quite hard to write as well. Although, in the future chapters we're going to find out a little more about Victoire.
Thank you so much for the review and the 10! It's more than I deserve. Report Review
Yay!! Another fantastic chapter. You've really started to get a lovely flow and a certain humor in here that's got me laughing out loud, very wonderful.
I was honestly afraid that the chapter coming from Teddy was going to make a difference in the way that the writing came out, but you've proven me wrong! This chapter was great! I loved the whole scene where they were planning her birthday party and how the sisters made up, it was charming and quite amusing.
I also think it was great that you showed a bit of Molly and Dom's friendship. I actually really enjoyed reading about them going out shopping and giggling because I can totally relate! Not to mention that Percy is just bound to say something funny :]
The story has improved so much from the beginning! You've actually got something really good here, and I'm glad that I reviewed the whole thing! I'm glad I didn't miss these past two chapters! You've had a grip on the characters throughout, but your plot has just gotten stronger as you continued and I'm sure it will in the following chapters as well.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me, and if you'd like another review when you update, please let me know!
-JillAuthor's Response: Thank you ever so much! I'm so pleased that you think the story is getting into the swing of things now.
I'm extremely glad that it didn't affect it, I really loved writing a chapter from Teddy's perspective, but I never wanted that to change the main narration of the story. Thank you again, it was a lot of fun to write and hopefully that shone through.
I was dreading writing that scene actually, I thought it was going to come out a bit too contrived and silly, so it's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed it. I love Percy way too much, I know my version of him is extremely OTT, but he makes me laugh.
Thank you millions! I'm glad that you reviewed the whole thing too and I found your reviews especially helpful because of the developments that you pointed out and such. I hope it continues to go well too and your reviews will no doubt help that process. Thank you once again ^_^ Report Review
Fantastic! This is by far my favorite chapter of them all! The humor was so much more prominent in this I actually did laugh out loud a few times! Woot! :]
I also feel like the plot got much stronger in this. I get that it's about their relationship and all, but I really feel like this chapter pushed it to the proper level while also using the characters to show what you wanted. You seemed to have a much better grip on this part of the story in comparison to the beginning. Not that I would blame you though, my introductions are usually weaker then the rest of the piece too.
I think that the portrayal of this through Teddy's eyes was really great also. I'm not sure if it's just because you have a better sense of him as a character or because your getting deeper into the guts of the story, but I really enjoyed reading this one! The way you've characterized all of the guys and how they're bossed about by the women was superb! It was one of the places I laughed because it's SO true! :D
Anyways, much better! One more chapter!
-JillAuthor's Response: I'm absolutely thrilled that you're beginning to enjoy it more! It's a huge relief and also quite a confidence boost since you weren't too keen on it up until now.
I think we are getting into the thick of it a lot more now and other things are happening, so it's probably more of a draw than my introduction chapters.
Thank you very much! I do seem to have a good grip on Teddy, but I hope that it's just the story improving in general. I really did enjoy writing about the men and the women have such strong characters that I thought it would have been feasible.
I can only say that I'm extremely happy that this story is improving, rather than getting worse ^_^. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
HA! Take that Teddy! Aka, I love how you introduced a character that's going after Dom a bit... nice little twist. And I love how you put George in here! :D
Your characters are so great. You've taken the time to show us a bit more about Teddy's character, which is great, and I think the comment about how Louis doesn't like the way he's going for both his sisters was perfect. Dom is also wonderful! Her reaction to Adam made me smile... I like how she's not focusing just on Teddy... it shows she's not as naively in love as Victoire is, which is also good.
I'm still not really sure about the plot. I guess it's moving along, but it's fairly slow and I'm just not really into it I guess. Your dialogue is great and I really like the situations, but what aiming for seems to come at a snail's pace while the writing is making my brain go more like a cat's.
And on the humor front... I'm not finding it hilarious, but nor is it dull. It's just... normal; slightly amusing at parts, and just pleasant at others.
I know I'm probably not helping too much, but I'm kind of just feeling like this is a bit of a fluff like story at this point... It may still be introduction, but I'm not really sure. This just isn't striking the right chord for me I guess. Not that it's anything to do with the writing, because you write really well. I just think the whole plot situation is pulling my brain away from that and focusing on the lack of ideas I have in my head in regards to this.
-JillAuthor's Response: Lol, I know! If Teddy doesn't act soon he's going to get a bit lost, isn't he? I was not going to have Dom pining over Teddy too, both sisters doing it would just be a little bit too much! I couldn't resist adding in George, he's too much fun to ignore.
I'm truly thrilled that you like my characters, I've tried hard to make them easy to relate to just by adding in little, human things. It wouldn't really have been realistic if Louis had been okay with it all, so even though it wasn't a huge part in the chapter I'm glad that you picked up on it ^_^.
I understand completely, it's really all a matter of personal taste and I can't blame you for not being too keen on the plot. Hopefully, the pacing improves further on in the story!
Well, I must admit that this is what I like to affectionately call 'my little bit of fluff'. It's just a different writing style that I'm trying out and to be honest, I really do enjoy writing it. It's more like I need to find out what happens for myself more than anything.
Thanks for the review, it was very helpful. Report Review
Much much better. The grammar, the ideas, everything in this chapter was fantastic, very improved from the previous.
To answer one of your questions, this was fairly amusing to me. Not to the point where I was laughing out loud, but smiling to myself. And it's only the second chapter, so that's not bad.
Your characters are also well done. Dom is expanding already and wonderfully so. Her thoughts about Teddy and Victoire are very well thought out, and I love the way she's starting to notice new things based on other people's ideas. Not to mention the sisterly rivalry ;]. Teddy's also very well written; how he doesn't want to admit his feelings but reacts in a way that does it for him. That's some good writing and I'm sure it can only improve in the next chapters.
As far as plot, I think it's just the whole relationship issue... or so I'm hoping. There really isn't anything else involved here besides the family interactions, so I'm hoping if there's more it'll be introduced in the next chapter...
Very well done, I'm impressed with the improvement in this chapter. Onward!
-JillAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, introductions obviously aren't my forte! I was actually a little nervous at the thought that you might really hate my story...
Well, as long as you find it entertaining rather than boring, I'm happy. It probably wasn't the funniest chapter, but at times my humour probably doesn't suit everyone!
The characters are my favourite thing about this story. I just love to write them and have such fun doing it. It's fantastic to try and go through Dominique's thought processes and the Teddy that seems to have appeared is just what I was looking for.
Yes, you got it in one. It's basically a fic focusing on their relationship. I've never written anything like it before and just wanted to have a go at writing something fun.
Thanks again, I'm glad that you feel like there is improvement ^_^
Jane Report Review
Interesting. I'm curious as to where this is going. You've introduced a lot of characters, but I'm not really sure what the plot is... nor do I have any idea on what it's about. I feel like the beginning was better than the end; the ideas Dom had seemed much clearer than those at the end, like you had a better idea of what you wanted her to say and then got confused or hadn't planned it out as well.
I know this had been beta'd, but there were still quite a few grammar mistakes... sentences that didn't really sound right to me as I read them. If you think you could proofread and fix that up, then great. If not, then I'm not sure what to tell you; everyone reads differently, so it may just be me.
This sentence, however, really caught my attention and I figured I'd suggest another way to write it:
"When train screeched to a stop and Dominique was one of the first passengers to bound onto the platform" -- This doesn't
really make sense. "When the train screeched to a stop, Dominique..." sounds better.
Like I said before, I'm interested to see where you take this since I don't really have a grasp on it. I'll try and let you know more after the next chapter.
-JillAuthor's Response: Lol, I admire your diplomacy with the word interesting. I understand where you're come from that the plot isn't exactly clear in this, but it is the introduction chapter so I'm willing to let myself off with that a bit. I'm not the best planner in the world, so I'll go over it and see if I can make the ending portion clearer as per your suggestions.
Any mistake are completely on my part and not that of my beta. She points out my mistakes and I correct them, sometimes I choose to leave things the way they are because I like them, but obviously that has been detrimental to the fic.
Yes... That sentence is a bit of a fail, but I think that's more down to my awful correction skills and general laziness than my insanity whilst writing it =P. Thanks so much for the feedback! Report Review
I love this story, so please don't stop!Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like it! And don't worry, I won't be stopping this fic any time soon. It's too much fun to write ^_^.
Thanks a million for taking the time to review! Report Review
tHAT WAS GREAT HURRY WITH MOREAuthor's Response: Thanks you so much! I'll be sure to update as soon as I can ^_^. Report Review
fantastic chapter as always!! and I love the new banner (i love the old one too)...however I was wondering why is there a bunny dressed up in a suit in the banner in the background?
~cloverAuthor's Response: Thank you soo much -blushes-. I'm thrilled that you're enjoying my fic! I was beginning to feel like the banner I had didn't really fit the mood of the story, so I decided to get a new one with the permission of the designer of the other banner. She said ok, but I didn't know what to request, then I stumbled on my new banner in the UFG section of TDA and it was love at first sight, Lol. As for the bunny man you'll just have to wait and see =P. Truthfully though, I have no idea yet, but I'm going to try and work him into it!
Thanks so much for the review, I'll try and update ASAP ^_^ Report Review
One of my favorite characters in your story is Percy - seriously, he is definition of the type of dad you would ALWAYS be embarrassed about! Which makes me love him even more :) Especially in this chapter - 'all press is good press' and the nonsense about the Prefect position! Trust him to linger around that :)
And now for the question you asked me to answer about if you're "falling into any traps that are common with Dom/Ted/Vic stories" - just be warned that while I've read a few, I haven't read them all so I might be missing some "traps". I'll pretty much focus on that, seeing as you said you mainly wanted me to do that :)
First, I like how you haven't made Dominique insanely despicable (like she is in most D/T/V stories) and how Victoire and Teddy (at least in Dom's eyes...and now probably everyone elses) are NOT destined to be together. That's often a catch in most Dom/Ted/Vic triangles and one you have avoided, and avoided cleverly, I must say :) I also like how you've made Dom not too sure about a) Ted's feelings for Dom and b) Dom's feelings for Teddy.
Just be careful not to completely write Victoire off - making her hated (which you've tactfully avoided in this chapter, but just wary for future reference) is as common in this ship like writing Ron off in Dramione stories. You could make it work (lots of people have), but it is a little cliche and it would be a nice change to not do it :)
Age between Teddy and Dom might also be an issue you could explore later on in your story - just a suggestion, however, feel free to ignore me :)
Um, so one last question: when are they going to snog? LOL! Of course you can't answer that, sake of the story and all :) Anyway, I hope this covers all your concerns :) Overall, I really love it so far, please let me know when your next chapter is up! I'll look forward to reading it! 10/10Author's Response: Of course he's going to dwell on things like that, Lol. I can imagine him having a heart attack if Molly doesn't make prefect =P. I love writing Percy and so he really does appear more than he should, but I can't seem to part with him!
Sometimes it comes across like Ted/Vic have been prophesied and I just wanted to stress that this is definitely not the case. And Dominique is nice! I like her, so she wasn't going to be portrayed as an evil adulteress.
Ah, I know, I really didn't want to bash Victoire in the process of all this, but up until this point there was nothing to redeem her. That may change in the next chapter, which will be sort of seen through Victoire's POV. It seemed time to get a few people on side and hating her a bit less.
It's a good suggestion and it will definitely be an issue when everyone returns to Hogwarts and Teddy doesn't.
Hahahahaha, I'd love to tell you, but sadly I can't! Safe to say it might be a while yet... You were a wonderful help and it was great reading your reviews and getting feedback from a lover of Vic/Ted/Dom! I'll be sure to shoot you a PM when it goes up and again, Thanks a million for helping me out, reading and reviewing ^_^ Report Review
'I live here, Ted,' Harry said smiling. Smooth, Ted, smooth, haha! Love the interaction between the husbands, very entertaining!Author's Response: There wasn't a way to get rid of the adults, so I thought that I could use them to my advantage! And Teddy is a sweetheart really, Lol.
Again, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to read and review. Report Review
LOLOLOL. Accidentally stalking someone! I laughed :D Again, love it, love it, love it!
Just a quick error: 'The click of the door closing jolted Victoire from her work and upon seeing Teddy...' I'm almost certain you meant Dominique instead of Victoire :)Author's Response: You're absolutely amazing! Thanks for catching that, I definitely meant Dom, but I have the truly annoying habit of mixing their names up all over the place.
I'm glad that you're still enjoying it and thanks a million for the review ^_^ Report Review
I love your characterisation of Percy! He's so...boring and swotty :) At yet insanely hilarious, too!Author's Response: I love Percy, myself! He's an absolute eejit and a few people have said that he's a tad over the top, but that's when I realised that I quite enjoyed him being over the top.
Thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
'Maybe, she's high. Yes, Dom, that's probably it! Your sister is a druggie! Thank Merlin for that, I thought she was a man eater, but I was wrong. She's just high. All you need to do is send her to rehab.' Love it, love it, love it :) I'll put the critique for the Dom/Ted/Vic traps at the end :)Author's Response: Hahaha, I'm glad that you find it amusing! I've heard that a lot of Vic/Teddy/Dom fics can be quite heavy reading and I just wanted to write something enjoyable!
I'll look forward to reading it and thanks so much for stopping by with the reviews ^_^ Report Review
hooray for an update! teddy the celebrityAuthor's Response: Lol, yes, Teddy is getting to quite a regular figure in the media ^_^. Thanks a million for the review! Report Review
yay good good write fastAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! I've got exams on at the minute, but chapter six is partially written and I'll try and get it posted asap ^_^. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Jane, my loyal captain, I enjoyed that so much. It was so much fun to read.
Trendy - I'm so glad you put that in. It just reminded me so much of my own mother *shakes head* It's moments like that in this story that make it so easy to relate to Dominique.
The girls' relationships with the adults was great. It made me smile - mainly Ginny's insistence on having a disco. Please let James have a disco. Please!
I found Percy's character a little over-exaggerated, but it still put a grin on my face. Molly's embarrassment was really easy to sympathise with, bless her. I love the relationship that Molly and Dominique have. It's fantastic.
My only piece of advice is perhaps to add a bit more description. It's a bit sparse.
Wonderful and worth the wait :D
Rachelle xxAuthor's Response: Rachelle, my brilliant wasp, I'm thrilled that you did^_^. TRENDY! It's the word that seems to come with being a parent, utterly cringey, but cool in their minds... All I want is for my characters to be easy to relate to -squee-!
Ahahaha, I can totally imagine Ginny being a disco lover. I can't help it, but in this story she also seems to want to be an embarrassment and I'm not going to stop her =P.
I have now come to terms with the fact that my version of Percy is going to be ridiculously over the top, but I don't even mind because he is truly hilarious to write! I think that you and I are definitely onto the right idea when we have Molly and Dom as being friends, Lol.
I have heard this description stuff and as I edit through the earlier chapters I'm striving to add it in with the dialogue and just bulk it out a bit more with description. For some reason I seem to be allergic to the stuff =P.
As always, your review was really helpful and an absolute joy to read, thanks so much for reviewing ^_^. Report Review
I was so happy to see that you updated. I loved it and really hope Teddy goes with Dominique. 10/10 as usual. I can't wait for your next update.Author's Response: It makes me feel all fuzzy when someone says that they're glad I updated! This chapter wasn't due for a while because of the beta'ing of the other ones, but I couldn't help myself! Keep your fingers crossed, Lol.
Thanks so much for the review, it's appreciated so much and I'll update as soon as I can, but I've got exams going on at the moment ^_^. Report Review
Haha. I love how all the adults so easily understand that Teddy likes Dom, but Teddy himself can't seem to figure it out. And then Bill is just oblivious 'cause he wants no one near his daughters. =P Another great chapter, here. I love it. Again, I think a bit more description could be added in the parts where there's just a bunch of dialogue, but it's nothing too major.
I'm really excited to see where this story goes! Let me know when it's updated, okay? *glomps* Keep up the wonderful writing. ^_^Author's Response: Well, either the men are wrong or Teddy just hasn't come to terms with it yet, the drama, Lol. Dad's do tend to be on the protective side, don't they? And I don't think Bill would be any different with his part Veelas. Yes, I'll be working on the dialogue bits, because this chapter is still to be beta'd. Your praise and your CC are so helpful and I really appreciate your reviews ^_^.
There's a while to go yet, but hopefully you'll read the whole way! I updated two days ago, so I'll go and PM you now, my dear. Thanks so much for your amazing fantasmical reviews! *glompage* Report Review
Aw, overprotective Teddy! Haha. =P I really am enjoying this story, Jane. The characters you've created here are really amazing and I feel like I'm there with them. ^_^ My only criticism would be that there are parts where there's a whole bunch of dialogue and no description at all. I don't think a lot of description is needed, but a little bit more would be beneficial to the story, in my opinion. ^_^
Besides that, it's wonderful! Teddy is still confusing me, Dom and Adam made me go "aw!" and Victoire just doesn't get my support. =P Keep up the great work, dear! *huggles*Author's Response: That is really one of the biggest compliments you could have given me! I do try to make my characters easy to relate to and I'm glad that you think they are. I understand that completely, it's something that my beta has pointed out to me and as I am having my chapters edited I plan on adding some in ^_^.
Ahhh! Thanks you so much again. Teddy is a complicated bloke, and I agree Dom and Adam are both sweethearts, but that isn't how Teddy sees it. And as for Victoire, just wait and see, maybe she'll grow on you ^_^. *huggles alex back* Report Review
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