Another good, long chapter!
You still need to watch the exclaimation marks and some of your characterisation. I am pretty sure Snape would not yell "WHAT!?" at Dumbledore, but maybe thats just me.
Also, make sure you start each line of dialouge by a different person on a new line - even if there is a sentance in between them, they always have to be on a line of their own, otherwise it can get confusing as to who said it. Having it on a different line also means that you dont need to put 'said sirius or said lily' after it - because you can tell what character you are up to.
good job again, keep it up!
xx Iced_Cherriez

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Okay, that was a good chapter and I am really liking where this story is going - I am all for the James' angst - it is, after all, what my own newest story is all about.
One thing though - I think you seem to use exclaimation marks a little too much. You should only use them if a character is shouting something or exclaiming something loudly or excitedly. I noticed in Madam Pomfrey's conversation there were some unwanted exclaimamation marks that made it rather difficult to read and almost comic - and I am certain you didn't really want that response.
Well done! keep up the good work,
Iced_Cherriez

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that was really good! :) do one about malfoy now... and some other character that you made up, cause the ones with malfoy and hermione arent that amazing... great job!

Author's Response: Agreed! Dramione sucks, but I'm not sure I could better.

Lily xx

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nice ending. In my last review I meant the ending was a tiny bit weird, but I was in a lot of pain and I wasn't thinking straight . Anyway good story over-all.
10/10

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you feel better now!

Huggles,
Lily

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okay this is sweet but also a little weired.

Author's Response: why is that? No fair, call it wierd but don't explain why you think that!

Cheers, Lily

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God what a cliffhanger!! Rrrgh!
Write some more please, i was just getting into that, and i was unhealthily cut short :D

Author's Response: Lol! Don't worry, the final part is submitted to the queue, I had to put a cliffie to keep you interested didn't I? Forgive me!

Hugs,
Lily

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i loved it sooo
much you are such a good writer
I love the title too.
*smiles*

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Stay tuned for more!

Hugs, Lily

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ohh very good poor James hope he gets better.

Author's Response: Well, that would be telling, wouldn't it now? *grins slyly*

Hugs, Lily M.E Potter

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That is such a good story!!! I feel terrible for James, everything is going badly. I love your character Alice, she reminds me of the character Alice from Twilight. Great job, can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! That you feel terrible for James was the general idea, so it's good to know I achieved my goal. I'm not familiar with Twilight though, I wrote Alice how I imagine any true friend would have acted in that situation.

Thanks for the beauztiful review,
Lily Marie Evans Potter

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Hi Lils!

This is ansolutley fantastic, I think its brillaint =) You have done a wonderful job. All the characters were in perfect characterisation, you really have shown them at their best!

I really do love your writing style you know, the style in which you write flows smoothly and it really seems to make your story come to life!

A deffinate 10/10!!!

Update soon!

Yours Magically,
Craig

Author's Response: Hi Craig,
You are amazing, you know that? this is the second time you're first to review one of my stories! As to updating, the story is completely written and I will submit the next part as soon as my current one-shot, "Love Lessons" gets validated! The queue is eleven days at the moment, how lousy is that?

Cheers, Lily

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