Its me again!
Once again, Luna is very spot on. You really would think that she would go up a snowy mountain without much provisions. Mind you, she is a witch but still. Luna never has a plan and I love that you kept her that way. For some odd reason, your Luna reminds me of Rapunzel from Tangled. Wide-eyed, happy, energetic and just excited. Willing to explore everything without a question.
And you know...I never thought of Rolf being a muggle. That's totally different and I can really see it work. He'll give Luna a lot more to explore and learn than the Wizarding World.
Overall, nice chapter! If you wish, feel free to re-request! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you again. You're aweome and so are your reviews. Thank you for leaving them. Report Review
Hey, its Perelandra from the Forums here with your review! I'm so sorry it has taken a while to come...just been super busy. But here it is!
Characterization: Luna seems very spot on. Sad to hear about her father though but she's still the same loony Luna. The way you describe her actions such as "floated down the lane" seem very Luna-esk attributes of her. She's always happy and sees the world completely different so I'm glad you were able to bring this forth. Luna dancing alone and not caring? Also brilliant. Harry and Neville seem in character as well for the little bit we saw them. The interaction between Neville/Luna and Harry/Luna was something right out of the book so keep doing it.
Plot: Well, I cannot really comment on the plot but all I have to say is that you were able to pinpoint Luna's emotions about not fitting into the puzzle just yet.
Your description is great. Full of imagery that I was able to view the wedding in my head without any problem. Grammar wise you seem alright except when it comes to dialogue punctuation. When you have a dialogue, it almost never should end with a period but with a comma.
Example: You have "Erm, thanks Luna.” Neville said after a moment." a comma should be at the end of Luna but not a period. Other than that, that's all I could spot since punctuation is not really my forte. Someone, a long time ago, taught me that so now I try to pass it along.
Alrighty! Now on to chapter 2! :D
P.S. Thanks for not writing this as a Oh-No-Neville-Is-Getting-Married-And-Luna's-sad story! XDAuthor's Response: Heyyy. Sorry it's been so long since you left this and I still haven't responded. I'm awful and real life just likes to pile up and force me to prioritize... and then when I do have free time, I tend to be lazy. :( I really do appreciate these reviews from you and hope to request from you again in the future (and respond promptly :P ) Thank you! Report Review
Ah, Mel! Finally here. I'm sorry about the wait! I was done with reading your piece when the site crashed, and I hadn't had time sense. But I finally made time for it! And I'm so glad you requested. This had been on my reading list for quite some time, but it took me ages to get around to it. Who knows when I would have gotten here!
Ah, and it was wonderful. I loved every bit of it, and I can't wait to continue on. The beginning was beautiful, and you set up the scene perfectly. You really captured the imagery of it and pulled me straight into the story. Just from your captivating opening sentence, you had me intrigued. I love your use of stars in this piece, and I can't wait to see how the rest of that plays out with the story.
The wedding reception scene was beautiful. There were all sorts of little details that I just loved and that really brought character and life to the piece. I loved that you made all drinks on Harry. It's an action I can see him doing for his friends with all his money, and it's so kind. Also, in the same area, another little insert that just shows how well-developed the story is is through the mention of the Phoenix organization for orphaned children. All sorts of activities for organizations like that go on here, and so it only makes sense that they do in the wizarding world as well.
When reading these descriptions, their minor and don't impact the story really, but its these little things that show the depth of the story, the originality that sets it apart, and definitely your talent as a writer. I always love little things like this. More so than necessary, I think. :P I just find them as somewhat the defining parts of the story that really make it stand out. :)
And I thought the same way when Harry was talking to Luna and then there's James! Crawling along the dance floor. Precious. I love older Harry. Always, and I think you portrayed him perfectly. He's a great older version of the young boy wizard we all love, and happiness just pours out of him. The way it should be.
I love your Luna as well! She's great, and too cute. I always thought she had a delicate sense about her, and I think you put that aspect of her perfectly into the story. I felt as if she just danced along in this chapter, and her quirky, unique personality definitely came through.
Your descriptions were beautiful. I could really see the reception, the events going on within it, the emotions of the characters. Everything. It was all beautiful, Melissa! :)
And your flow was wonderful. Just as pretty as it sounded, it ran from one thing so simply to the next. And the great thing about the characters of the story, you don't have to dwell on sappy introductions. I always love it when that can be skipped over. :P I think the first chapter of a story is always vitally important to the success and progress of the story. Enough has to go on to catch the reader's attention and make them want to come back for more, and you achieved that exceptionally here. I definitely want to come back for more, and I want to see how it all progresses.
Melissa, this was brilliant! I have no complaints or little things to say. I didn't even pass any misspellings, misplaced words, or grammatical errors that I can recall. That's wonderful.
Super job! I would love to hit the second chapter right now, but unfortunately I have like fifteen stories in my queue. So I'm going to hit the rest of those, then I will be back for the next chapter. But if you don't want to wait that long, feel free to jump back into my queue. I can't wait to read more! Great job, hun! :)
DrueAuthor's Response: Drue, I don't know where to start. This review is epic and a half and so are you. I'm so glad you enjoyed this and I'm very appreciative of you commenting on so many aspects of the story. Thank you so very much! Report Review
Perfect characterisation! :D Most often, I'm wary of Luna fics, because authors have a tendency to go overboard with her character- but the way you portrayed her was utterly beautiful! Your descriptions are so lovely too! :)
Great start! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!! Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!
Sorry about the inconvenience. :( I only take one chapter at a time for a few reasons, but I'm always happy when people rerequest! :)
This is definitely going to be one of my shorter reviews, because this is a very well-written and polished chapter.
I saw a couple tiny mechanical problems.
- Fifth paragraph: "compelled her attention" seemed like an odd description for a lock.
- Sixth paragraph: "A new day" seemed to me like it should be follow by anything but a comma - a period, a dash, a colon, or a semi-colon would have all worked, but I don't think a comma does.
- Paragraph starting, "Luna caught Harry's eye through the crowd": the part of the second sentence that comes after the semi-colon felt a little awkward and unclear.
- Paragraph starting, "The two friends talked": "Harry regaled stories" should be "Harry regaled her with stories", no?
Other than that, I thought that the characterization was excellent. I got a sense of dreaminess and whimsy that one really needs to write a convincing Luna without feeling like it was being overplayed or too exaggerated.
When I saw the title of the chapter, I was afraid that you were writing a "Luna is angsting because Neville is getting married and she wants him so much," and am exceedingly glad to see that that is not the case. Your depiction of Luna's experience of the wedding is that one of her friends is getting married, not of her having conflicted feelings about it. It was done quite well, and I loved her interaction with Neville - it felt so true to their friendship. One thing I would have liked to see a bit more of in that scene, however, would be some acknowledgment of his wife - I know Luna didn't know Hannah well, but I would have liked to see something more.
Honestly, though, those tiny things aside, I have nothing bad to say about this chapter and plenty of good. :) Feel free to rerequest!Author's Response: Hey! I could probably fill up a page of reasons I'm so horribly late with responding to this review, and honestly, none of my excuses are adequate enough. Real life has been busy and I've been focused on responding to reviews for another one of my stories and so these reviews have been set aside.
That being said, I really appreciate this review. I really love any review, but those that offer some criticism are always fabulous. I feel like without it, improvement is next to impossible.
It's always great to hear that the characterization is well done. I was terrified when I first began writing Luna. She's so, untouchable in terms of character. But the more I write this the more I feel I understand about her. She's not crazy, she just takes an extra second to see and appreciate things that just float by others. That simplistic awe she has about her world has really inspired me. This story is currently in the hands of a beta, and so I'll be polishing it up (and including the things you pointed out here) as soon as time allows it.
I hope you didn't feel slighted by my lack of response. I read and relish every review I receive and appreciate the time it takes you to leave them. Glad you enjoyed reading this!
Melissa Report Review
Aw, that was great. I love how you always start with her dreaming, but the way you write her character, it is very like she's dreaming all the time, but in a realistic way, if that makes any sense lol. It's great she's trying their version of an adventure, and I've come to the conclusion that there are many types of them. Both have their good points as well :) Rolf is definitely taking her personality in stride, almost like Harry did. I thought it was cute she told him a little about her dream though. You've really captured how Luna is. I find it really refreshing that, out of all JKR's characters, the stories I've read with Luna as the main character have all been done very well. They didn't want to get Luna wrong, because she's so unique. We can all put a bit of our own uniqueness and still get her character right actually. She's a great character to write. There were a spelling mistake or 2, but it's very subtle. lol I've actually been thinking of going into editing because I'm able to catch things like that. Even if it's been beta'd, that happened once lol. Anyway, great job! You totally deserve being up for a dobby, really great job.Author's Response: Hey again! I never really thought this story would be particularly popular or whatever, so I never really bothered scrutinizing it for typos. I'm in the process of having it beta'd so I can edit it and polish it up. Thank you so much for everything!!! Report Review
hmm, well I want to start saying how much I love how you word things, each sentence screams Luna lol. I do have a few questions though, how does she know she was speaking to a muggle or a wizard? I thought that might have been hard to figure out between them. Also, I wanted to mention that at the beginning there was a part of a sentence that was worded slightly wrong and was "she wiggled her one of her bare feet" instead of she wiggled one of her bare feet. I did love her dancing, and Barny was so cute! and I was glad to hear about some of his background, but I want to know what happened to his wife. Anyway, on to the next chapter :) great job!Author's Response: You are actually the first person ever to ask how Luna knew Rolf was a wizard. I have never really thought of that, so here's my on the spot answer... Luna sort of has a way of sensing other people. She's very sensitive to their thoughts and emotions and apparently their magical status. Thank you for your reviews!! Report Review
aww, that was a sweet chapter :) I can't wait to hear why they were in the Himilayas, and maybe why Luna likes them so much, it suits her, but I would like to know how she heard about it and why she likes them. It was slightly confusing that she was dreaming in the beginning I thought she had fallen off something and was that kind of unnaturally calm she always is lol. Still, I liked it :) Great job!Author's Response: Eh, why not the Himilayas? lol. Glad to hear you're still enjoying it. Thank you so much. Report Review
Hi, so first of all, straight off the bat (or wand lol) I loved the subtle references to different parts of the movie, and books. I don't know what it is, but it seems to just flow from what we already know :) And I'm not sure if you meant to do it, but the part where she's going to sleep with her feet on her pillows totally reminds me of Pippi Longstocking :) it made me laugh so hard. Even though Pippi is a lot more energetic, she certainly like Luna. If you haven't read any of the books or seen the movie, never mind though lol. It was great how you started with how happy she was with her boys, and now it feels like, ok this is the story up to that, and ended with this is how she began knowing she needed an adventure to find where she fit in her life. The whole chapter just ran smooth as silk and I loved it all. Now I'm anxious to find out what happens next or I could keep going lol. Great job!Author's Response: Heyyy. Thank you so much for this review, and sorry it's taken me so long to let you know how much I appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed ihis first chapter. Report Review
I'M GOING TO BE SO COHERENT AND ELOQUENT AND EVERYTHING AND GENERALLY MAKE WONDERFULLY COMMENTS ABOUT THE BEAUTY OF THE LANGUAGE AND THE IMAGERY AND SYMBOLISM BUT LOL REALLY I'M GOING TO COPY AND PASTE LOADS AND LOADS OF QUOTES BECAUSE YOUR WRITING IS SO DREAMY...
Oh my days, Melissaaa... dis so gd mun.
Obviously the dream is totally and wonderfully gorgeous. It's so... Luna, and you've got her wonderfully canon and so beautifully characterised that it's just so pretteh n luvlih. I love the reference to her old room (it must be so long since she's been there) and her friends - as much I love Rolf and Barney, I'd love to see some more interaction with Harry n da gang.
Luvin on da paintbrush metaphor ting (it fits with the picture): The artist responsible for this world had not given her a form, only essence. She wished for the paint brush to grant her a body, legs to move with, hands to feel with, but It did not appease her.
The clouds and stars had joined in alongside the couples, dancing as only they could. ♥ ♥
SHE TINK DUST IS PRETTEH. DA RYTING PRETTEH 2.
"You know, I had a dream that was that same colour as your eyes. It made me think, it'd make a very nice shade for a water colour."
"Barney better toughen up," Luna skipped ahead of the pair, "This is an adventure after all."
THEY ARE IN EACH OTHER'S DRAMS?
BUT IF IT'S MEANT TO BE DREAMS.
EEE WELL GOOD MELISSA. REALLY. TRULY.Author's Response: Hattie. Ã¢Â™Â¥Ã¢Â™Â¥Ã¢Â™Â¥
Thank you so much for your review. After going so long without writing this -hangs head in shame- I was a little leary about whether or not it captured the same style as previous chapters have. I am happy with the outcome though, and so happy that I was finally able to update.
ahaha. I had hoped that the Barney line wasn't too out of character for her... but it was cute-funnay in my head so I had to throw it in there. You must know that I have no real plans for this fic... each chapter sort of just happens as it may, so whether or not we see harry and the gang is unknown to me.
Thank you so much for reviewing... and I'll have you know, Chapter images are on their way. Complete with Barney, Rolf, and Luna. Ã¢Â™Â¥
Love and hugs,
Melissa Report Review
The way Luna takes in her surroundings makes me believe it's Luna! Wish I could write like this myself, it's amazing.
I think I saw one small spelling/grammar mistake, but we're only human! And I can't find it now so... Yeah.
I have no idea what to say but keep on writing! :D It's really good and I'm glad you requested a review from me (Because I doubt I would've ever found this if you didn't)!Author's Response: Aww. Thank you so much!! I am so glad that I requested a review from you too! I'll have a look over it again with my fine toothed grammar comb. Report Review
MELISSA! I KNEW THAT AN ETERNITY OF NAGGING WOULD EVENTUALLY PAY OFF. I AM STILL TYPING IN CAPS LOCK.
See, this is why you are a finalist in the Dobbys and Snitches. You could go another four months without updating and I would still come back to read this story. From the very first sentence, it's /so/ Luna. I really, really admire your ability to step inside the head of a character like that. I've said it before and I expect you'll tire of hearing it, but Luna is this dreamy, otherworldly person but she also has sense, and it's a slippery slope to walk. You do it absolutely perfectly.
I loved the colors here, and how everything was so floaty and dreamy and soft. Luna just does things without question, nothing ever a coincidence, and she just drifts from day to day. I would love to be a little bit like Luna, always appreciating the good things, radiating positivity. I am just completely awestruck over the way you manage to write her so well.
And Rolf! The dream! I was like YAYY IT WAS HIM, IT WAS HIM, WASN'T IT? And the way Luna told him that his eye color was in his dreams, just so matter-of-fact like, "So yeah, I dreamed about your eye color." *continues to eat her breakfast like it's no big deal* And he's all :O WHO IS THIS WOMAN?! They are so meant to be. Squeee. I cannot wait to see what happens in chapter five!
♥Author's Response: CAPS LOCKS IS THE TYPESCRIPT OF THE GODS.
I'm so happy you lot have nagged me consistently for the last four months to update this. I really love this fic. I love Luna and the place in my head where I have to be to write this. It is so surreal to me to be a FINALIST.
To be honest (and I think I've said this before) I use description, and the way Luna sees her world to convey her character. She's one who very much lives inside her head, views the world and takes nothing in it for granted. Floaty and dreamy are always my aims for her, so the fact that I can keep producing just that without sounding repetitive is amazing to me.
I would love to be a little bit like Luna too. Though, I really do believe that a little bit of her lives in all of us. It's that little bit left over from childhood in which simplicity is beautiful.
And ROLF. I won't be spoiling any surprises by saying that it was him. Though do keep in mind that there was that mention of his wife in the last chapter... Luna doesn't grasp society's guidelines of what is appropriate/awkward (Hawkward, Awkwalrus) She says and lives as she feels she should.
Love you, love this review. Report Review
*Chuckling* It's so AMAZING! I'm really liking Rolf's character and I want to know the back story you've given him.
Luna seems in character, and to me she would be a VERY difficult character to write without making her OOC somehow. :D
The plot, it's not very far in so I can't really say much but from what I've read it's VERY interesting!
I hope to read more!
Mike. And I really don't know what to say besides that It's really good, or else I would have said more!Author's Response: You're amazing, you know that!! I really was in need of a little pick me up! Dobby's are stressful. lol. But I appreciate your praise more than you know. I'm so happy that you like my Luna and Rolf. I'm about 85% done with chapter four. It will most definitely be up next weekend!!
Thank you again!
Melissa Report Review
I'll have to admit, this story is making me giddy like all really good stories do. I can tell when a story is REALLY good cause I start chuckling and getting hyper while reading it and this, fits that. The description is great! Not too much, but not too little. Characters are great! I'm loving it so far! :DAuthor's Response: Aww! Thank you so much, Mike!! I began writing this story in response to a challenge to write the canon character that I felt I could do the least justice with. And so First Star was born. In an attempt to craft Luna's character, I realized a lot of who she is is contained in how she processes the world around her. Hence, this descriptive heavy style (in my opinion) was born. Some how, it seems to be working!!
Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it and the fave!
-Melissa Report Review
I like it. It's a sweet intro to the story, but it also starts us off on the plot as well. I love how you've made Luna so far. So often she's in a dreamland state, or even slightly angry and depressed, but not this Luna. I love her :D
I like the descriptions in it too. It's great :) I really-I have nothing else to say. This story is great!
~LilyAuthor's Response: Awww. Thanks so much Lily! Writing a convincing Luna was my prompt for this story when it first began... who'd of thought. Somebody had dared me to write the character I felt I could write the least well, and so Luna and First Star was born. I'm glad you find her characterization and my use of description to be effective.
Glad you enjoyed it!!
Melissa Report Review
I am going to enjoy this story, I can tell you that now! :D
It's great! Description is great, and I want to know how it continues. I did find one grammar mistake,
"One day, she mused, she would have the inspiration to sort through the twenty-five years of memories, but not tonight was not that day." ^ I don't think that not is necessary. But besides that I found nothing wrong! :D
Have a good day,
Mike.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I really appreciate it! I do hope that you read the rest of what I've posted, and that you review if you're so inclined. :D hehehe. Yeah. That not is definitely not (no pun intended) supposed to be there. I think it's funny how little mistates like that can still pop up no matter how many times you edit something.
But anyways, thank you so much... I do hope you continue on with Luna and her adventure! Report Review
Aw, I love Rolf. And I love his dog, Barney. I love any story that has dogs in, or any kind of animal with its own personality that bounces from the pages, really. And I do think you've done a good job implementing Barney's personality in the way he reacts to Luna's petting him and Rolf's talking of him. This chapter was all very warm and fluffy.
Also, I'd really like to point out in this review, because I forgot to in the first two, that I love how you start each chapter. It's like Luna just floats into being, and that is how I imagine her character. She's very dreamy in the way her thoughts are processed, even the way she speaks, and you do such a good job writing her. Over all, love the story so far and can't wait for you to update it. Keep up the wonderful writing! 10/10 (:Author's Response: Barney! It's really funny, because Barney existed before I had ever written a word about Rolf. I just knew that a guy like Rolf needed a big burly fluffy sort of mountain dog, and so Barney came into being. Aww. I had never even thought of that!! I always blame it on my love of heavy description that chapters always start slowly... but I'm glad it works for luna. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate all of your reviews today!! :D
Melissa Report Review
Aw, we got to see Rolf enter in this chapter. I already love him; exactly as I have imagined him in my mind. And I really liked this sentence:
"A fierce wind whipped across the black expanse and time flew by her; the arm teetered threatening to blow her off and cast her from the world of the celestial spirits."
It really brought Luna's surroundings to life in my mind's eye, as well as several other sentences. It's all very vivid and I love the simple, poetic way you describe it all as Luna takes it in. Poetic and Luna go hand-in-hand. But, yeah, this sentence just really emphasized how far away from home Luna really is and how serious she is about going on this unplanned adventure. Another fabulous chapter and now I'm off to read ch 3. 10/10Author's Response: Rolf. He's so lovable. And seeing as this is labeled as a short story (which I hope it turns out to be that) I figured he should make an appearance.
From the get go, I tried to compensate Luna's character with her observation, to make the two one and the same. But as the fic progresses, I have come to realize that the observation and description compliments Luna's character... rather than compensating for something that is lacking. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. I love writing it! Report Review
Whoa, this really is different than your other stories, but in a great way. It's so light and airy, very much like Luna's personality in the books. I love the way you have Luna moving through the motions, each scene is like a snapshot with her looking in from the outside like she still hasn't quite figured out where her place in the grand scheme of things is yet. You've really nailed down her characterization quite well, and she doesn't seem to be an easy character to write, either. Great first chapter! I'm looking forward to reading the others that are posted now!Author's Response: It really is, isn't it? The style just sort of wrote itself in this chapter... laying expectations for the later chapters. :P In canon, I very much see Luna as an observer... floating through life, leaving nothing but slight impressions where she's been. I wanted to capture that bit of her in this story. I'm so happy you liked this!! It's so different and so I'm always nervous about it... if that makes any sense. I really appreciate your reviews!
Melissa Report Review
The night pressed its lips together, pushing a gust of cool air through them. The dark breath wrapped itself around Luna's twirling form. She gave herself over to it and floated out from her room and into the corridor.
I am so jelly right now. That is fantastic imagery.
I've got to hand it to you, Melissa. You really have a remarkable gift. To be able to open up Luna's world to us, so that we can see through her eyes - so realistically - it's just amazing. She is EXACTLY like she should be, and I credit you a hundred times over because this must be quite a test at times to write. It really is unbelievable, the way she seems to just fall through life, drifting in and out and not really caring what happens, leaving everything up to fate. She accepts that she might not be ready for everything - she doesn't get overwhelmed with curiosity, she just takes it all as it comes. Your depiction of Luna is both the soft-spoken, ethereal girl from canon, as well as the more adult, more in-depth and well-rounded woman that I imagined her to become. I really think that if Rowling were to read this, she would just be blown away by how well you've crafted this character. I hate to say it, but in the books she was just a tad bit two-dimensional. You've really brought her to life, Mel.
I appreciate Rolf's earthiness and his little bit of mystery with his wife. Divorced? Widowed? Somehow, it seems natural that he would have been married before. And someone like Luna would accept all of it, not bothering with nosing for questions, not getting caught up with details from his past life. She's not someone who could be really insecure.
I am just in awe of this story. From the very first paragraph, it sucks me in like no other and it makes me genuinely excited (which doesn't happen often when I read fics) to continue reading and to see what happens next. It's hypnotizing and I find myself watching the snow right along with Luna, likening her to a snowflake herself with the way that she just drifts along in life, ready for anything and always appreciative of the barest of details that most people don't even notice. It's a story that easily wraps a person up, and makes them feel like they really are there, watching it all take place and feeling everything that Luna feels. You really are an extraordinary writer.Author's Response: Dearest Sarah.
Firstly, let me tell you that I've been avoiding answering this review like the plague. Firstly because it is so overwhelmingly wonderful and secondly because it's been my fuel to get me through chapter four (which I've now finished ! ). Everytime I have felt a lack of motivation to work on the chapter, I've come here and read this. Your support for this fic has been unbelievable.
It consistently amazes me that my imagery continues working. I have this deep seeded fear that one day, it'll stop being endearing and become wearisome.
When I started this fic, I was terrified of writing Luna... she is so intangible and surreal. But as I've written her, I've come to realize that she lives in my head, the little bit that still believes that the earth is limitless and that there is beauty in every moment. It is taxing to write her sometimes, but so carthartic to finally get it right.
I believe Rolf's story surfaces in chapter five (though I can't keep a secret to save my life, so you probably know everything about him already) haha. And Luna has no reason for insecurities. To her, each moment is it's own little universe...seperate and discrete from all the others so there is never a reason for hesitance or second thoughts.
Again, sarah. I can't even begin to tell you how much a part this review was in the chapter four writing process. It never fails to bring a tingle to my finger tips or a smile to my face.
Thank you so much
Melissa Report Review
Hi. I hope you're having a good day.
This was a beautiful second chapter. Once again, the descriptions were superb. I mean, they're just so...light and just enchant the story. Sometimes descriptions can hold a story down, but yours doesn't. The descriptions just fit and are lovely to read. I can imagine everything so easily. The whole prose in effect is just beautiful. I'm so jealous of your skills right now.
Luna, once again, was spot on. You just write her perfectly. I loved this line “You poor naturalist. Planned adventures can’t be nearly as fun. A real adventure has no plans, no expectations. Just you, your heart and your mind.” Beautiful line. It fits Luna's character so perfectly.
Rolf is such an interesting character! Him and Luna together is just amazing. I loved their dialogue together.
The ending line just made me fill up with fuzzies. Ah, I can't wait until they fall in love all good and proper because I feel powerful knowing that Luna has met her future husband but doesn't realize it. Haha.
xAuthor's Response: Again, apologies on my laxity with review responses. I think it's very interesting to see what lines people pick out to comment on, and I'm a fan of the one you chose. Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Hi! I hope you're having a good day.
First all, what a beautiful start. It was just utterly beautiful, it captured my attention straight away. In fact this whole piece did that I had to read this chapter in one go which I don't normally do because I'm easily distracted. The babies just sound adorable. And I like that in effect you started with the end, so we could come a complete circle when you finish the story. I really liked that idea.
Luna is my opinion, is one of the most hardiest characters to write because people have a tendency to go over the top with her but you got her character perfect. It could almost be something written from JKR hand herself. The voice you've given to her is perfect. I can't wait to see her journey to find her perfect other half. I feel for her, it must be really difficult.
I love your description. It added perfectly to the story. It's nothing too heavy. It's perfect. It just fits. I loved how out of all the characters you could have her speak too, you chose Harry. I really enjoyed that scene because sometimes I feel that nobody pays attention to their friendship.
This is a beautiful, outstanding story and I can't wait to read more. Your writing is astounding, it just flows so wonderfully and the words you use fit the story completely and don't distract from anything. I really enjoyed the first chapter and I'm off to read the second!
xAuthor's Response: Keely! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. Life has a way of piling up and so do reviews. :( I love your writing and so your compliments really make me sile. Thank you so much for the review. Report Review
"Her feet tucked snugly beneath her pillow, she stared up into the ceiling. "
I love this - you perfectly capture Luna's essence with these little details. I like Rolf so far, he's a bit of a mystery. One thing I didn't quite get though - is he a wizard? And does Luna know whether or not he's a wizard? Because she mentions Apparition in front of him & I don't think she'd do that unless she knew he was magical. But I could be totally wrong. Anyways, like I said before, lovely lovely chapter! Please come back to my review thread when the next one's up, I'd love to read it. Great job thanks for writing!
~madsAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!! Report Review
I really like this chapter! Going off to the Himalayas randomly is totally something Luna would do anyways, & I really like your explanation of her and her wish for adventure. I also really like Rolf so far. Their conversation worked really well. Great job thanks for writing!
~madsAuthor's Response: Luna is a free spirit, it's one of my favorite things about her. thank you so much for your review. Report Review
First off, HUGE apologies for how long this took. Secondly, this story is lovely so far! I really like how you've written Luna; she's very believable and sweet. One thing I was confused by a little bit was the timing - is this about a year after the war? Because I don't think James was born then. But if you did that intentionally, that's cool. Anyways really lovely first chapter. Oh yeah I forgot to mention how nice the opening prologue thing was! Great job thanks for writing!
~madsAuthor's Response: Hey! I'm just grateful you left this review. Thank you so much! Report Review
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