The last one until you update, gah! The trials and tribulations of reading WIPs ;(
"The light of discovery still radiated form his eyes and played at his lips." That is wonderful. I'd never thought about discovery in this sense, I'd always just taken it for granted that people would be pleased. But this description shows just how much it means to him, and in Luna noticing this, how much he means to her. I love it, this little artistic noticing game that means much more:
"It was a colour that could exist only for finger painting, and hers itched with a desire to glide across his broad cheek bones and to see the colour of passion spread out against her skin's pallor."
"Its message was clear, she too had a place somewhere in the scheme of it all." Luna has developed far more than I would have guessed she would, but I love it. The fact that she empathises with these creatures, these shy creatures who tend to avoid humans and are rarely viewed, let alone called 'beautiful', just speaks volumes for herself and how far she has come.
"Rolf rose to his feet, cradling the infant in his arms and stroking its head. There was a softness in his face, a look of wonderment and awe." :3 stop it, you're making /me/ fall in love ;)
You might want to correct this mistake: "Several loud foot falls on the landing below crashed tthrough her contemplations." The rest of it is perfect though :)
"You shouldn't let somebody else dance your dance." This, I don't know why, but it resonated with me, and I thought you should know that.
And now they're going on a date! I can't wait for you to write/post the next chapter, and I also can't wait to see how you handle Luna on a date. Knowing you, however, you will do it with unbelievable skill and grace and I will sit here flabbergasted at how I never thought it would/could be handled that way and with ease.
Mel, just in case you forgot, you are brilliant ♥ and you, without any shadow of a doubt, deserved that Dobby award for this! Report Review
And as I clicked on this chapter, Luna appeared in the top banner, clutching her Quibbler with her Spectrespecs on. Too apt for words.
And only Luna would look upon God as being an artist: "The artist responsible for this world had not given her a form, only essence. She wished for the paint brush to grant her a body, legs to move with, hands to feel with, but It did not appease her." I like that. She looks upon the higher powers with such a childish innocence that you can't help but feel for her. And yet she is so deep and caring, older and yet younger beyond her years. Once more, Mel, you have created a Luna that is just so perfect.
"I had a dream that was that same colour as your eyes. It made me think, it'd make a very nice shade for a water colour.../They were strong, hard-working hands, she could tell, but their strength did not exclude their capacity for tenderness." Once more, I really enjoy reading the way she looks upon Rolf, as an art subject to be studied and admired. With all that she's noticing about him, it is obvious that she admires him, but once more I like the way that everything seems slow, natural and new to her.
Well this is certainly turning out to be an adventure! Not only in the literal sense with all the hiking etc, but also in the way that Luna has changed and progressed over the past four chapters. And she has. Whilst she is undeniably Luna, she is also deeper, finds more meanings in things than was possible for her when she was younger, and yet she seems, dare I say it, happier. And I really like Rolf (and Barney of course, I love him), he compliments her so well - what with him warm earthy tones and her ethereal ones.
This is beautiful. As ever, your way with words astound me ♥ Report Review
That dog in the graphic is adorable :3 I've always wanted one like that.
"Her shadow, the perfect partner, spun across the floor as she did, skimming the base of the stars as she reached. Like a tender lover, its every motion complimented hers in perfect synchrony." I think this is my favourite description from the story so far. It's like Peter Pan, but much more intimate, much more /feeling/. It really, truly shows how lonely Luna is, something that people never quite get right when they write about her. She may be quirky, but that is more to hide her loneliness and sadness - well, that's what I think anyway (and something that you have made me realise even more).
"Hannah's special too. He loves her very much." Score! ;) I always secretly hoped for Luna and Neville to get together at the end, and whether this is intentional or not (or you felt the same as me about it), Luna speaks about him with such a warmth that I can't help but wonder why JKR never did team them up...maybe your Luna is thinking that as well? Or maybe she really does just love him as a friend.
Well if this isn't a perfect description of Luna's love, I don't know what is: "Rocked to the lullaby of the stars, she slept, dreaming in the warm tones of the earth." The earth-child, the naturalist has fallen in love with the warm tones of the earth - Rolf. I really like the way that this is described - it's not over the top, it's not really romantic, it's just the way Luna would feel. I take my hat off to you ♥ Report Review
Oh, and it sounds like Luna is about to fall in love. I am looking forward to seeing how you will portray this - I feel that it will be a hard task, not because you're not up to it, but because Luna was never portrayed as being 'in love' in the books, and so whatever you write will be completely up to you to characterise. I can't wait to see what you do :)
"It was as though she stood in the centre of a pristine gem strung on a delicate thread, which way her world swayed depended only on the direction she chose." Wow. This is actually some of the most beautiful imagery I have read. Like the way your future pans out is all because of these small decisions. But obviously, you being the brilliant Mel, have written it so poetically, and manage to attribute even more meaning to it than I would have if I'd written it (so it's a good job I didn't, haha)
"Well, all grand adventures are big. Otherwise, they'd just be adventures." Touche, Luna, touche. I do, however, love the way you describe Luna describing Rolf as if she would paint him. It's quite intimate, but at the same time she's still lost in her past.
And there you go again with your lovely, flowing descriptions and dialogue. You have captured Luna perfectly, with all her imperfections and her innocence, and yet I love the way that her husband-to-be is much more worldly, as if they could both help each other to reach their full potential.
What really amazes me about your writing, though, is not just how beautiful every description is, but how every moment, every nanosecond is accounted for with gorgeous imagery and language. You paint such full, rich pictures, bringing not only the characters, but also the situations to life. This is a mean feat, and yet you achieve it with ease. And I am eternally jealous of your gift ♥ Report Review
Hey Mel! This has been on my list for a while, not only because I saw the banner and thought that is was gorgeous, but because I just love the way you write :) and before I even start reading it, I can tell that you deserved this Dobby!
And this chapter image is just as beautiful as the banner, did you make it? If so, wowzers. If not, then wowzers again, because it is still utterly fantastic.
"all drinks served at the bar are compliments of Mr. Longbottom's best man, Mr. Harry Potter. Any and all donations given will benefit the Phoenix Memorial Fund for orphaned children." Okay, I picked this quote out not only because my heart swelled thinking that Harry was Neville's best man, but because of the charity you made them donate money to. And it is little things like this, little hints towards the books, that really get me. Because then I remember everything that these boys went through as separate beings, the fact that they are brought together at such a happy occasion and try to make a difference so that others don't have a past as painful as theirs just gets me. Wow, you have made me think and feel these things, ergo you are the bomb.
Your descriptions of everything, from the wind to Neville's face, are so rich and perfect. Like I said, you definitely deserve that Dobby. I also really love the way that you have written Luna. You can easily get it wrong, especially writing her after the War and everything - either she is made too dark and angsty, or she is just too quirky. But you got her just right (in my head): pensive, a little bit sad and lonely, because now she has to grow up, and that means to grow up away from her friends.
This is such a magical story so far, and has captivated me right from the first sentence. I am looking forward to reading the next chapter and your beautiful, beautiful way with words ♥ Report Review
Mel :(. Please, please write the next chapter! This was just so insanely beautiful that my eyes are craving more!
The Demigiuses! They're magnificent! They're nearly as special as Luna herself, and what an incredible experience for get and Rolf to share together ♥
They both were able to see how truly loving and special one another are. They get to fall in love while watching some
Of the rarest creatures... That's so romantic that it makes me want to cry.
Professor is such a necessary contrast. Most people would feel like he does, and his presence is perfect to really highlight how precious Luna and Rolf are.
And maybe all Rolf needs is the encouragement of a truly beautiful inside and out blonde to go forward with his own novel?
I have to have the next chapters!
♥Author's Response: Ahh!! OMG. you're caught up!! I fully intend to write the next chapter hopefully before school starts back up. :) I think I'm going to tackle chapters 13 and 14 of WAT and then set out to work on chapter 6 of this. look at me with WIP plans~
Demiguises are actually a canon creature from JKR's Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them. I don't remember why I picked them, but I had a lot of fun bringing them to life. Ah, yes. Rolf and Luna really are special individuals... I am a bit envious of them.
Until the next chapter, thank you so, so much for all of your support thus far!!
Melissa Report Review
I don't know of there are any other ways I can tell you how much I'm loving this story. But I really, really am. I feel like I'm part of her amazingly pure soul, just taking on everything as it comes.
Okay, try not think I'm crazy, but Luna makes me want to pay more attention to all the beautiful things in life. She makes me want to enjoy everything I have instead of simply having it... If that makes sense.
I'm still captivated by your amazingly poetic imagery ♥Author's Response: Hey!!
Omg. Jami. Your support for this story is astounding and continues to blow me away. I think something you said here, "I feel like I'm part of her amazingly pure soul, just taking on everything as it comes." is one of my biggest goals for Luna, and so thank you. That is honestly a huge compliment. Also this, "Luna makes me want to pay more attention to all the beautiful things in life." Like, aalsdkjfaoijaoiej -- those things are /why/ I write luna... she forces me to /see/ the world and gah.
thank you. Report Review
He has a wife! Widow? Divorce? Left him because of his constant traveling with his job?? Ahh! And it just floats right off of Luna. Every single thing is a new experience to her, every word is taken in a different way, every sight -- she sees it different.
Rolf is stunned/intoxicated/smitten with her! He wants to listen to her, to go on hearing her out there ideas, hearing how she speaks of things, how she notices them. Ahh! It's amazing! He's also a bit charming.. I never thought of Rolf as charming.
Her planned adventures are too perfect. I hope her own bit of self humor at the idea of having planned adventures continues, because I love it!
I was left with some odd thoughts. Night time is when I probably speak too freely, when things don't seem as solid and my actions don't seem to be thought about as well. Anyway, watching the snow and following out into the hallway is something I feel like I would do at night, because anything can be done then. BUT Luna would do the same kinds of things any time. I know, this makes no sense, I wish I could figure out how to get it there... but whatever it is I'm trying to say is an amazing compliment, haha!
This story intoxicates me and submerges me. I don't want to come up for air, then it ends too quickly.
I Love love love Luna. I cannot believe, how perfectly comfortable you seem in her head. You are astounding. If I was Rolf I'd already be dropping to one knee asking you/Luna to marry me! And.. er.. if I was a boy. Great, now I have that song stuck in my head.
Okay, I'm done. I'm fangirling over you... that's creepy, huh?
♥ Report Review
You brought me into an amazing winter wonderland, and made sure I saw it through Luna's eyes. Nothing about a snowy mountain is ordinary when it's coming from Luna's mind.
I really loved her thoughts pertaining to how many others had been on that hilltop, footprints left from the snow.
Luna is a perfectly written mess of contradictions. She moves at a slow dreamy pace, yet pops off for this new adventure without a second thought. It fits her character remarkable. Your imagination is an amazing place, you make me forget that you have created this version of Luna, and she isn't a living breathing person.
Planned adventure aren't nearly as fun *or something along those lines* is perfect! You have captured, harnessed, and are now sharing with us the amazing world of inside Luna's head.
Their meeting was an extrpdianry chance of fate, at least that's how you've made me feel. Everything about this story so far is so dreamy and so vivid, I just want to curl up and read it all in one sitting.
Your talent is breathtaking, I can't wait to continue this!
Jami Report Review
Awww, you are going to get me hooked on two of your novels, aren’t you?
Luna is becoming a character that I really love reading. Which is odd, because I was never absolutely crazy about her in the books. This first chapter makes me want to sink my teeth into her and really listen to her story.
Amazing job with the descriptions. You had just the right amount so I wasn’t skipping through them to get to the point, but was very aware of the scene.
I also think they really flow with Luna’s character. I do think she would notice everything, so having your descriptions mirror that is perfect! You’ve inspired me to go through the first 3 chapter of BTF and add a bit more descriptions in there, too...
I think Luna’s characterization is brilliant so far. It was great to have her leaving the office, because and an actual job are really hard for me to warp my head around. Though the Q is something she loves, it’s odd to think of her as all grown up, you know? Aww, I’m going to get emotional...
The characters that played a minor appearance did so beautifully! Harry was the perfect image of a loving father who has an adventurous son, and you did a great job giving us a glance into his life through Luna. Fixer upper house? Such a perfect and new idea! I don’t know why, but I really like it!
Neville was also well done. You aged him to just the right degree, kept a touch of his awkwardness but coated it in the love he feels for his new wife (Deeds has made me adore Hannah and Neville, so I was really happy that you ended this chapter with their wedding)-- perfect.
Luna almost feels a bit lost to me. Maybe I’m reading too far into things. But she seems at a different state of disconnection than just her average dreamy self.
PS: Happy marriage, Neville is *such* a Luna line. Great job, my darling! Why must you get me addicted to all these novels??
I just realized I don’t think I commented on your writing. Just the context. I don’t know if you need to be told again, but I can’t see how you wouldn’t like to :) -- you’re writing is, as always, amazing. You create vivid pictures and really inspire me to put more into everything I write. Thank you for that *hug* Report Review
I still can't get over how magical this story is. I really admire your imagery in this fic, the words you choose to describe the setting - I've said it before, but everything is so vivid and beautiful.
I love Luna's dream sequence. The colors, her friends, and Luna stuck on the edges. I love that she's swept into the dream, given form, by her partner (who I'm assuming is Rolf because that would be lovely).
The Tibetan woman is so sweet, but I do love how Luna enjoyed watching the dust motes floating in the morning sunlight. Such pretty imagery. Your descriptions of her room too with the figurines..I can picture everything in my head while I read and I just love that about this fic.
And Luna and Rolf! They are just so cute together. I love their conversation over breakfast and Luna's observations of Professor Davin, which are so unlike anyone else's. You stay so true to her canon character and I really admire you for that.
Hee, I love that she knows what they're looking at and Rolf seems so surprised. I can only imagine what she has in store for him. I can't wait to read more about their adventure together. This is really just such spectacular work. I really hope you find the inspiration to continue. It would be a shame to let this fall by the wayside.Author's Response: Finally attempting to review to this. :)
When I write this story, I go into a very specific head space (which is probably why I haven't updated it in foever), but it is very important for me to paint the scenes as they happen. I always sort of see them as soft, water color on that thick grainy sort of paper that tend to beal up if you rub to hard... I don't know. lol.
I really cannot thank you enough for your kind words and praise. I know I shouldn't let this story fall away, and I hope to get back to writing the next chapter before the summer is over.
Thanks again! Report Review
I always love immersing myself in this fic. There's something so magical about the words you use and the imagery. It's so vivid and beautiful. Ethereal, almost.
I could imagine her dancing in her room with her shadow as a partner and following the wind out into the corridor...leading her to Rolf and Barney. Hee, I love Barney; Bernese Mountain Dogs are one of my favorites.
As much as I love Luna's thoughts and her imagination, I so very much adore her interactions with Rolf. She's still so dreamy and a bit aloof and Rolf's fascination with her is endearing. He asked about Neville...I wonder if he was sort of figuring out if she had a man in her life so he could make a move. That makes me smile.
I also am so in love with Luna and her idea that adventures shouldn't be planned. I can only imagine what she's going to get up to when she's out with Rolf and Professor Davin.
I really should read more of this, and I will soon. I hope you get the inspiration and mindset to write some more. You do Luna such justice here and I am continually in awe at your beautiful, descriptive writing.
A minor correction: she wiggled her one of her bare feet - the first 'her' shouldn't be there.
Other than that, this was perfect. I love it.Author's Response: Barney is one of my favorite characters. He serves as a foil to Rolf's character, plus, I don't think I have to tell you that pets have the ability to say a lot about their owners. Annd Luna. I really love being able to see the world through her eyes while writing this. I think it makes me appreciate the everyday world a little bit more. And Rolf. He is sort of a babe. :P Luna's interactions with him are so simple and easy... and so sit in great contrast to the thoughts she thinks and the observations she makes.
Annd I'm really shocked that that is the only corection you noticed. I have never really put any effort into editing this story... I have a terrible tendancy to write, tweak some imagery here and there, and then to post it almost immediately. :P
Thank you so, so much for your support of this story! It really means a lot to me. Report Review
I'll be honest, you shouldn't be so terrified of writing Luna, you're very good at capturing her dreamy nature still with hints of her serious side beneath.
I'd like be able to write more about this, with a few pointers to improve upon, but I feel somewhat at a loss - I can't think of anything to suggest to help improve this chapter.
-RHAuthor's Response: Baww. Thank you so much for this review!! It's much appreciated. Report Review
I'm reviewing not for any particular reason, just felt like it.
Oh God. I've told you how much I love your emphasis on Luna's perception of potential, haven't I? I'm sure I have.
Your characterisation of Rolf is lovely. I was half falling in love with him myself. Her designating him 'kind-eyed man' is just so very Luna and so... it just made me smile. I am a sucker for romance it seems. I had not really realised this until I read this chapter, so well done.
Anyway, I honestly have nothing constructive to say at all, so I'm just going to shut up now before I embarrass myself. I hope this was an ego boost for you if nothing else. :)Author's Response: Unexpected reviews are the best!! I can't tell you how lovely of a surprise it was to see this review when I logged on today.
I'm very glad you are enjoying this story, I have enjoyed writing it very much. I take a lot of liberties with Rolf (he's sort of my perfect man) so I'm glad he comes across realistically in this story. I'm not sure where my voice for Luna originally came from, but honestly she sort of writes herself once I'm in the zone.
Reviews with CC are fantastic, but I always appreciate a good ego boost! (Plus I leave plenty of squee-y reviews for other authors all the time...) So thank you so much! Report Review
Hello, I'm here from tag~
This review will be mostly gushy and incoherent, so be warned.
The way you characterise Luna is brilliant. She's such a beautiful character, and you've shown that wonderfully with the way her natural surroundings seem so alive - the night air brushing kisses and blossoms waving at her and so on - which just shows how unique she is. She's almost innocent, in a way. It's ridiculously endearing.
I also liked the emphasis on potential. Luna's an intelligent woman, and of course she'd see the world's potential. It makes perfect sense, which is not often something writers can make a character like her do, so well done on that.
Overall, this was a pleasure to read, and I'm pretty excited for the next chapter, because I honestly can't find anything bad about this one. You are a fantastic writer.Author's Response: Hey there!
Baww. Gushy and incoherent is still lovely! Thank you so much for this review. I always in awe when people appreciate and enjoy my writing. Luna is a fantastic character to explore and I really enjoy writing her. I look forward to hearing what you think of the rest of what is posted of this story.
"It’s an amazing thing.” He finally said.
“What is, Neville?”
“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.”
^^that's the words i'd choose from the whole chapter (as Luna did)
it's odd having Neville marrying someone else; i guess it's because i'd always picture him with Luna ;-)
overall i think it's a nice story laid out here!
keep up the good work!!
~marlitaAuthor's Response: Baww. I have never been much of a Neville/Luna shipper and think that the movies may have take a bit too much liberty with a relationship that was only ever platonic in the books, but I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter despite him marrying hannah.
thank you so much. Report Review
Gah, this was so, so perfect. I am really kicking myself for not reading more of this sooner.
This is gorgeous, Mel. Your imagery is phenomenal. Just, really spectacular. Luna's imagination (well, yours to be more precise) is so vivid and beautiful. I love that she wound up in the Himalayans (and her line later to Rolf about grand adventures being big, otherwise they'd just be adventures was perfect).
Her interactions with Rolf are wonderfully done, and I can imagine every word she speaks. Everything is just so Luna.
This is a wonderful story and fantastic writing. I don't even know how you come up with some of this stuff, it's amazing. My favorite line was this: the progeny of an ancient tectonic romance. It's kind of silly to choose that one line out of this entire chapter, but I mean...who else can describe the creation of the Himalayans as the product of a romance? It's great.
I love this story so far, and it is on my to-do list to read the rest of the chapters. I hope you can get some inspiration soon to continue this. It's a gem.Author's Response: Ah. Missy! I'm so glad you like this story. It's so, so different from other things that I write and well, I've never really polished any of it for typos or anything, but I'm so happy you liked it!
I'm no where near abondoning this story, but I'm certainly not in a rush to finish it either. I sort of just update this as I get the inspiration to. To me, this story sort of feels like an ongoing water color. and it always makes me happy when readers enjoy all the liberties I take in describing things.
Thank you so much, missy! Report Review
Your imagery flows beautifully and naturally. Which I would think would be key for Luna, she seems like a very visual person. Your vocabulary also, when you describe your settings, also make it seem as if Luna is the one talking. You just seem to have her character down very nicely.Author's Response: Baww. Thank you so much for your review!! Luna was super scary when I started writing her (and still is a teensy bit) but I really enjoy it (despite how little I update this story).
Thanks again! Report Review
This story is just waltzing forward beautifully. I absolutly loved every part of it from her heart wrenching dream to Rolf's amazement that such a wonderful girl could have dropped unannounced in his path.
I said if before and I'll say it again : you really do a great job at capturing Luna's personality and her strange mind. How positive she is about everything and how much she trusts in the stars' guidance is just wonderful; I wish I was that much of a free spirit!
I only spotted one little ponctuation mistake in this chapter, nothing alarming!
"...He turned towards Rolf “Make sure..."
Overall, it's a great addition to the story; a nice way for Rolf to discover Luna and their shared loved for nature and unusual creatures. They work together wonderfuly and I just love being a part of their story; great job!Author's Response: Hey!
Sorry for the lengthy delay in this response. School sort of ate my soul. I'm so glad you are enjoying this story. I really admire Luna as a character for all the reasons other people think her strange. I relaly hope to continue to do her story justice as I write it.
Melissa Report Review
I'm really falling in love with your descriptive style. When you take it one sentence at a time, it kind of feels overwhelming and a bit too much but as a whole, it just fits beautifully and doesn't feel heavy at all.
I think you really captured Luna's personality with this story; she doesn't feel like a cliché; she is Luna and that's perfect. Rolf also sounds like a great guy. I really like him so far and how accepting he is of Luna's peculiar behavior. He seems like an easy-going kind of man and it's a joy to read about him.
I noticed a couple little things in this chpater that I thought I should point out to you in an effort to help you improve this amazing story (not that it really needs improvement but, one can always try and reach for perfection, right?). Of course, these are simple suggestions, feel free to ignore them!
"...The warm path of her finger left a clear path..."; this feels a bit redundant, I would suggest writting 'The warmth of her finger left a clear path...'
"...she wiggled her one of her bare feet..."; the first 'her' should be removed, I think
Also, a couple of times, you use the word "compliment" but I feel this is wrong; shouldn't it be "complEment" instead? Or maybe it's just the French in me talking and I'm getting those two words mixed up with the French definition...
Aside from that, everything seemed perfect to me. It was a lovely read and I really enjoy the world you have created for Luna and the Luna you have created as well. It will be very nice to meet Rolf and bit more and to see how you explore his character; great work so far!Author's Response: Wow. Your breakdown of my description in this fic sort of left me speechless. I always worry about drowning the reader in Luna's thoughts and observations... so I'm very glad to hear that it seems to work. I have had a lot of fun crafting Luna into a real character instead of a characiture. And Rolf is dreamy. lol. Ahh. typos.
I never really took this story seriously until I realized how much attention it was getting in the Dobby arena. It's currently being beta'd for small things, but I really appreciate all the things you've pointed out. I hate errors.
Thank you so much. You're fabulous. Report Review
Hello again and sorry for the delay! Like I said in the PM, I was waiting until I had more then a couple minutes to read in order to go through a couple chapters rather then one at a time (I much prefer reading it as a whole and really getting into the story).
Now onto the actual review. I find it hard to describe how I'm feeling right now; I felt so overwhelmed with all the beauty of this chapter, the magical descriptions and the easygoing, easyflowing rythm of your writting that I feel like I'm in a dream. It's a testament of how good your writting is, I think, because I really felt like I was Luna; not just with her but really, like I was in her head and strangely, it was quite a nice trip!
The meeting was very original and fitting for Luna and this young man. The trip, in the first place, was very random and Luna-esque so it is fitting that this adventure would bring a new "friend" into her life. Great chapter, there is nothing to say about the writting; it was all very clear and clean.Author's Response: It's no surprise when I say I haven't updated this fic in ages. It's very hard to get into Luna's head and world, and so it's very slow going. This review is enough inspiration to make me want to write the next chapter. Everything you said in the second paragraph is everything I've tried to accomplish with this story and ahh. I'm just speechless.
Thank you so much. Report Review
Beautiful. I always imagined Luna would be more dreamy, distracted, and spaced-off, but it's nice to see your spin.Author's Response: I firmly believe that Luna is a real person with depth and character. It makes me sad when I read stories that make her into some goofy characiture. I'm hoping to bring a realism to her floaty, whimsical sort of world.
Thank you so much for your review. Report Review
I have already come to adore this story! Luna is such a different and unique character. It’s really difficult to find stories that seem to characterize her and her thoughts so well, but you have done a phenomenal job. I really feel like you catch that almost mythical edge to Luna’s character. She goes based on what she feels is right, based on what she knows around her and isn’t fazed when other people get in the way of that. She just keeps on going. It really is amazing.
I also love your descriptions! All of it usually adds to the characterization, but you also use a fair bit of imagery. And it all beautifully weaves into the story, keeping the flow going. Even when you add in some dialogue at the end of the chapter, it keeps with the flow. It doesn’t seem abrupt in the least bit.
I’m actually going to share two of my favourite lines of description and then I have one or two other things to say :)
First line: “She shut her eyes and felt herself slip away from conscious thought. She was no longer falling, but floating.” –I don’t know what it is about this one, but I adore it. I like the entire part before it about the falling, and I like how it changed over to floating. It was just so nicely word.
Second line: “They were strikingly blue, a kind and reassuring hue.” –I liked this line because, first of all, it kind of rhymed. And it really put Luna’s voice into it. It made me smile and it just…it flowed in so nicely, it was great!
The last thing I wanted to mention was Rolf. I really enjoy reading his character because he seems just as dreamy as Luna, yet he has a different edge to him. I’m not quite sure what that edge is yet, but it makes him different than Luna. I’m excited to read more to see if I can figure out what that edge is. I also want to read more because I want to see what will happen between Rolf and Luna. They have such unique personalities.
Great job! I’ll hopefully be back to read more soon :D
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your review!
I'm glad you appreciate my characterization of Luna. I am trying really hard to bring a depth to her rather than just portraying her as a odd characiture. Rolf is dreamy in my opinion and really compliments Luna.
Hope you continue to read along. I'd love to hear what you think of later chapters. Report Review
Woah - I'm already enjoying this story! Luna is one of my favourite characters in the Harry Potter series (Ron steals the first place ;) ) and I really like any stories about her.
However, so many make her seem stupid or just plain weird - there's always reasoning behind her madness :P And I'm so glad that you haven't done this with her. We're seeing the story from her POV yet still see her special strangness!
I really liked the beginning part in italics with the mention of Lysander and Lorcan - it was so motherly and cute, yet somehow had the aura of Luna :)
I also liked how you described Neville as still a school boy at his wedding - its a comment I could imagine Luna making and the relationship between them was clear. Also, Harry's interaction with Luna was brilliant (I loved the inclusion of James).
There really isn't anything I can critisise or hitn at you to improve because this really was a great first chapet. I'm looking forward to reading the rest!
Brilliant. 10/10 :)
Keira7794Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I adore Luna and love writing her when the inspiration strikes. It's wonderful to hear that people enjoy my characterization of her. I hope you continue to read along. I'd love to hear what you think of later chapters.
Thank you again! Report Review
I’m almost speechless from how beautiful this chapter was! The description you use in every section of your writing, and the flow that comes with it is just incredible. It’s really easy to read and sink in to. And your characterization of Luna is flawless! You describe the way she thinks, and even the way she moves in a very Luna-type fashion, if that makes sense. You describe her floating down the lane, and that just…it screams Luna. You really get into her character and write her well!
Even Harry’s character, when you bring him in, is realistic. He still holds up to talking to her and truly acts as her friend. Same goes for Neville! I feel like you bring him a lot of justice in this chapter, and really bring him out as a character!
I really have no critique, so instead I’m going to share two of my favorites parts/lines from this :D
“Every lost soul turns to the night sky for answers to unasked questions. Every lost soul traverses the stars seeking something they were never sure was missing…I lower my quill to the parchment. I guess I have finally come home.” –This entire section at the beginning really drew me into the story. I finished reading that first little section and I just couldn’t stop. I had to keep reading to find out more about Luna’s story.
“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.” –I adore this line. Especially because it’s from Neville. And it’s a line that would and does make Luna think about and remember it. And it’s just…It’s incredible. It shows growth in Neville’s character from the end of Deathly Hallows to when this story takes place. It’s great!
Incredible job! I’ll be back to read more soon! :D
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Oh my goodness. Your reviews have turned me into a shapeless blob. Thank you so much for your praise. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave these reviews. I love the two lines you pointed out. They really do say a lot about the characters.
thank you again. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection