Hello!

I haven't read much of this story in a while, so it's great to finally have some time to myself and read some more! I did worry at first that I'd feel a bit lost getting back into this story, but actually, saying that, it was great and so familiar to be reading this again. The alternating POV's in each chapter are as ever super effective and really colour this story all the more. Sev is just.awesome :) You said that this is one of the chapters that you wrote fairly soon after having a lot of the material at hand, and I could really tell, such as with the previous three, too. Everything is so thought out and I feel as though you just haven't missed anything. Little things like Dumbledore being kicked out of the Wizengamot...you've paid a lot of attention to this and it totally does pay off! I will most definitely look out for any changes (if there are any!) in the next two chapters, though.

Everything about this chapter just flows so well and I can't ever express how addictive this story is! It's so solid and so well written. Are you secretly a published writer?! Because if not, you should be. You manage to make everything sound so impressive and vivid, even if all that you are describing are puddles of mud or the summer weather! Genuinely, this does just astound me, and I don't care how silly I sound. In comparison to some maybe more artsy one shots or something, this may not be the most abstract, but the quality of writing and the imagery is just as bright and striking and amazing! And, after all of that, the way you always bring things back to Avrille and Char - it reinforces this homely feeling about this story and about Sev. This is a story that feels so real to me, and I'm sure other readers will agree because there you've managed to achieve this awesome balance between amazing creative writing and a solid, believable and continuing story. And gah, just Sev. Sev the family man. It's a side we have never had the chance to see and strangely it suits him. I think that's why I love this story so much! As well as one trillion other reasons...

Teehee, indeed I am British! There aren't any obvious slip ups with Britishisms, apart from near the end Avrille referring to the sofa/settee as the couch. But then, that's subjective I guess. Some British people might call the sofa the couch - and it is only a little thing anyway! Something I did grin at though - Dumbledore eating a crumpet. I don't know why this image amused me so - I guess because it's SO English ("crumpets and tea, ma'am?") and the word is just...quite funny sounding anyway hahaha! Maybe I'm a big kid, I don't know. But no, there was nothing here that actually needed correcting. Rather, you were actually educating me while reading this! Your use of vocab is just so impressive. There were words being used here that I didn't even know existed and they sounded as though they fitted just place perfectly! I've just made myself sound really dumb, haha, but oh well! It is always great to read a fic and be constantly impressed and to not have the narrative feel forced or repeated at all. Do you revise chapters before you post them? I have an awful habit of just writing and going 'ugh fine that'll do' and posting it :P I really shouldn't though. But yours - I get the impression you do really mould and care for your chapters, as I've mentioned in previous fics with the amount of incredible detail you have with your plot and characters. It is so inspiring!

The plot is progressing at such an awesome rate - I can sense that at some point Severus is going to get tied up in where his responsibilities lie. Already he's stepping in dangerous territory and has been for years, but now that Avrille's involved in the Order it makes Order business so much more HIS business, if that makes sense? I've always been interested to see how Voldemort really would talk to Sev and how equally he would consider him. I loved the part with the two of them - sure, Voldz does think that everyone is inferior to him but it was interesting to have him actually considering and listening to whatever Sev was saying. It was very believable. For all of his cunning and evil powerful ways, I guess Voldemort would have had paranoia as a weakness and would try to compensate that threefold with people like Sev feeding him information. There are so many new insights that this story has given me!

So, I'm going to sign off for the night and hopefully will be able to see to the next two very soon. For some reason (even though it's the summer holidays!!) my life has just exploded with busyness! I apologise for the wait for reviews though, :( but I can't wait to get on to the next ones, especially as you requested the most critique there. I didn't want to rush them while I'm feeling a little sleepy. I can't wait to get back to them though! If I leave Sev and Avrille alone for too long there'll probably be another baby on the way!!

:D Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! Sorry it took me a couple days to respond. I've been kind of "meh" about being online the past few days, probably because I'm very "meh" about writing at the moment in general, but as always, I really appreciate your review!

Yeah, like I think I said, I wrote most of these first four chapters in two weeks (!!) at the start of NaNo last year. I think it helped to flow better since I did do it all at once, and that's why I feel a bit like I'm floundering right now writing new material.

Oh gosh, blushing over your compliments :) Funny how you mention the stuff about the weather and the mud puddles because I specifically remember writing those sections (and being a little stuck on them). I usually have to go back and insert some descriptive details here or there because I tend to get caught up in the flow of the action and dialogue.

"the way you always bring things back to Avrille and Char" --Thanks for noticing that! That really is the main backbone of this story. No matter what they go through in the war against Voldemort, I want it to always come back to this idea that home and family is the most important thing in the world

I *think* the couch thing is ok because Avrille is actually Canadian. I'm not 100% positive if a Canadian would say couch or sofa. I've never had a Canadian comment on her word choice, but even if they did I have a bit of leeway since I had her do all of her schooling around the Boston area (Salem Witches' Institute) which is conveniently the general area I'm from originally... so I'm covering my bases by saying maybe she picked up on some American slang as a teenager ;) But crumpet is definitely such a funny word!! They're really yummy, though. You can get them at some specialty stores here in the US. Good when grilled with honey! Thanks for specifically reading for the Britishisms! I have a beta, but she's American too, so she probably would miss the same things I would. When in doubt, I try to imagine Alan Rickman saying something. Granted he's not how I picture MY Severus in my head, being the more "canon" Severus to me, but it still helps.

Oh man, you are SO not dumb! I'm pretty sure I'm probably around 10 years older than you, so I've just had more time to read, read, read. I'm constantly always checking a thesaurus when I write as well because often times I know the gist of the word I want but can't recall what it is. And I will admit I am definitely an editing addict. I was really nervous posting these first four chapters when I did since I had never done a WIP before. You can imagine I edited the heck out of them, probably half because I was stalling.

I find the Voldemort/Severus interactions interesting as well, hence why I like to make excuses for them to talk alone together. I was always curious as to how Severus went from being the "he will be killed, of course" Death Eater from the graveyard to being virtually Voldemort's most trusted follower. Obviously killing Dumbledore had a lot to do with it, but he had to have been slowly working his way up to that point this whole time. I agree that Voldemort probably had paranoia being one of his greatest weaknesses, or maybe strengths since it did keep him in power for so long. I don't think he would have ever truly trusted anyone. More like he took a gamble, like "it's about 90% likely Severus is loyal to me," and it turns out he was wrong.

So once again, thanks so much for your time in reading and reviewing this!! Please don't rush or push yourself. I know all about crazy busy days. Hence why I just haven't felt like writing lately. At least the review challenges are making me stay active in HPFF and TGS cause I'm determined to do all of those suckers. Hmm, I wonder if you'll win feature reviewer! I went to nominate, but someone beat me to it ;) Good luck! You totally deserve it!
~Renny

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Another perfect chapter ♥

I think I love Avrille 100x more than before, just because she is so gutsy and so real. She's not defined by Sev alone at all, but is so her own person, and you've just magnified this independent feeling you've placed around her in the previous two chapters. At the same time as saying that, the way they make up at the end here, and mirror each other in their dialogue - so lovely. It reinforces the way they're one at the same time. I also love the way you have covered so much in this chapter but it is all just so entirely legit, and not rushed or anything. Woohoo, as we are canon nerds, I adored the way you paid so much attention to the headquarters! I felt like I was reading all over again when Harry first sees it, but from a different angle. Thank you, thank you! I think my imagination is about to explode withe excitement! The transition from GoF to OOTP is seamless, by the way ;)

The way you slip in little bits about Char is awesome (like Dumbledore giving him the liquorice), and it makes him so much more involved and reminds me how integral he is to the story and every decision Avrille makes. I guess that's a really important aspect, as with Sev, like we saw in the last chapter. Molly too, totally coming into her element with the child was lovely. Like I said in the last review, you working with canon - it's just amazing! I totally laughed out loud at Sirius, just because it's so rare to see him lose his cool like that. The exchange of words between them was honestly SO funny, just like a comedy sketch or something. Nice work!

This chapter felt a little different to the others though, but not in a bad way. I sort of liked that Avrille was being a little deceptive, and that her boundaries with Sev were shaken. They are such a strong couple, but the fact that they did almost fall out is so important. There's no better way at showing a character's loyalties to one another than having them fear for another's life. It makes me wonder about what other trials they are going to face, and reminds me that this isn't a fluffly romance at all. In some respects, I felt Avrille was being foolish in joining the Order, but when it comes down to it, for the greater good it is better to support the good guys than stand around on the sidelines, especially when it is something as important as this. I really did sympathise with Sev though, and I found myself itching to hear what he thought about Avrille joining to Order from his point of view - which of course made me read on. I wonder whether you will touch upon that in the next chapter :) I saw what you said in your last author's response, about how you viewed the books in a more adult way. Again, I can really see that coming across here, such as your attention to Char, but also the way you handle their emotions. Life experience shapes things we write, and I can honestly feel that in this fic. Every emotion is so developed. I mean, it's not just like, fear, love, horror, funny - you've intermingled them all. Just like real life :)

I'm looking forward to the next chapter, to seeing what Sev is up to! Nice work though, lovely. This is a real winner of a story! And, omg, no way do you have to nominate me! You're so kind - I just like rambling on after reading chapters and hopefully making writers feel a little more inspired! :D

Laura x

Author's Response: Hi Laura! Sorry it took me a couple days to respond. It's a little harder to get online when I'm not at home with my own setup. Thanks for reviewing this one, too! I'd love to put in a request for the next three if it's cool with you, but I want to wait a few more days in case anyone else on TGS wants to jump into your open slots. I don't want to be a request hog :)

Squee! I'm so glad you like Avrille! I tried really hard to make her a strong, independent woman. I didn't want her to get all love-sick and passive once she and Severus got together. I also think she needed to be tough because it really is very hard to be a single mom to a baby/toddler while your husband's off working (believe me, I did four months of it, so I know!)

I get very canon obsessed when I write "real" places and events. You have no idea how many times I referenced my GoF book to get the timing just right for the third task scene (like "Would enough time have passed by now for Harry to have dueled Voldemort?" Stuff like that.) So I did the same thing with headquarters. I think I did a bit of a mixture with the movie set and how it was described in the books because if I remember correctly, a couple things like where the kitchen was seemed different once or twice in the book.

"it makes him so much more involved and reminds me how integral he is to the story and every decision Avrille makes."--Thank you so much for noticing and pointing that out! It's been kind of weird writing Avrille in this story because she has different levels of responsibility so I have to keep that in mind while writing. I can't just have her run off somewhere to do Order business whenever she feels like it since she needs to consider things like a babysitter for Char or how her actions could potentially put Severus in danger. It's been slightly limiting in a way, but strikes very close to home for me.

I'm going to throw modesty to the wind and say, yeah, that part with Sirius was hilarious. That was a scene I literally had in my head for YEARS, so I wanted to get the wording just right. Hopefully it also softens the blow when I'm a little harder on Sirius lately. I don't know if you're a raging Sirius fan, but I hope if you are you keep in mind whose point of view the story is in later, so you don't get too mad at me ;)

I felt I needed them to have a bit of conflict now, because in the first story things were very "new love" where they never had a fight, you know? But having a baby and being in a war's bound to add a little bit of stress, not to mention both Avrille and Severus are very stubborn people.

And you're GETTING a nomination, so deal with it! :D I'm kind of glad you're a rambler because as I'm sure you can tell with my own responses, I am too! Thank you so much for the review and insights! You're the best!! ~Renny

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Hey.. You already know that I really, really like your story.. But please stop making my Sirius look like a villain.. We know Sirius isn't that bad. Plus, he's not had an easy life and someone needs to understand that.. I feel so conflicted, because I love Severus and Avrille, but when one goes against Sirius, I can't help but defend. Honestly, nothing against your story. I just wanted to share how I felt...

Author's Response: Hi! Well, I felt like I needed to respond to this right away cause I can totally understand why you're upset if you love Sirius :D I figured I'd catch some flack from someone over this chapter! I was actually worried about the exact thing you said which is why I asked my beta to specifically check out whether or not I was TOO hard on Sirius here. She said she thought it was very in character for him, so I left it the way I wrote it.

So here's my reasoning: You have to remember whose point of view this chapter is. Do you think it would be believable for Severus to think, "Well, he's had a hard life so we should all be more understanding"? No way that's happening. In Severus's mind, HE had a hard life but got over it and is now fighting Voldemort while (it looks to him) like Sirius is sitting on his butt all day. Think if this chapter was from Sirius's POV. He'd see Severus as being pompous, gloating, and self-important, don't you think? It's really all a matter of perspective. Remember we had no inkling really that Snape in canon was anything but horrible until the last book because Harry was so prejudiced against him. This is the same sort of situation. Severus is never going to see anything but the worst in Sirius, and Avrille has no choice but to follow his lead since she barely knows Sirius herself.

I'll admit Sirius is one of my least favorite characters, but I'm willing to give him a lot of leeway for his actions after escaping from Azkaban because I can't even imagine how screwed up someone would be after being in there for a year, let alone 12. However, my main problem with him is how he acted as a teenager. I know he must have had a very hard time not having a loving mother or a supportive family, but that's no excuse to be cruel and a bully like he was. Harry also had a very hard childhood, bordering on abusive, but he was still loving and never picked on those weaker than him. So being a Snape fan, I'm always going to pick his side, know what I mean?

I will warn you that the next chapter is going to have a tiny bit more sort of anti-Sirius stuff in it. However, please understand this is also because Avrille's view of him is tainted by association with Severus. I don't know if you remember, but way in the beginning of the first story, her impressions of Harry were prejudiced before she even met him because of Severus's obvious dislike and Lockhart's lies about him. Later when she met Harry, she realized he's a very nice kid. Same sort of thing is going to happen here because Avrille just doesn't know Sirius well enough to find his good points. So there will be a little bit of Sirius acting like a jerk, but then Lupin is going to give him some defense and mediate, so don't worry! I normally wouldn't reveal plot stuff, but I didn't want you to think it was going to be all Sirius-bashing and stop reading. After this next chapter, Sirius isn't even going to show up anymore, so you don't have to worry about anything ;)

So I hope that helped you to see a bit why I wrote Sirius the way I did. I'm definitely planning on having him and Severus have a grudging sort of reconciliation before the Department of Mysteries battle. I don't want to paint Sirius as a total bad guy, because he wasn't. Yeah, he did some not very nice things, but there's no denying had Harry been able to live with him, he would have provided Harry with a loving, stable, supportive home. And no matter what Severus thought, Sirius WAS very brave and very loyal to the Order.

Thanks for your review! It's VERY important to me to get honest feedback, especially when there's something that bothers you or you don't like. I really hope you keep reading despite your inner conflicts ;) Thanks again! ~Renny

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Another great chapter, I like how the story is going and how we are able to see more of Voldemort and his workings behind the scenes thanks to Severus' POV. You are a great writer.

Magic xxx

Author's Response: Thanks!! It was really cool being able to sort of find the little details here and there in canon to flesh out the Voldemort side of the "Order of the Phoenix" book. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and thank you very much for your compliment! ~Renny

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You know, for all the apologies you give about your chapters being long, I really, really don't mind :) I almost didn't review this and wanted to skip straight on to the next chapter! I love this story so much already.

Having Severus' viewpoint here instead really changed the tone and made it much more real in a way. When I think of all the things that have happened in these past two chapters, from both perspectives, makes me so excited to read on and see what else is going to happen. Severus also refreshed my faith in their relationship, in a way assuring me that they do work well together. The last part of this chapter was especially intimate and really loving, because it wasn't just lust or anything - it was perfect to see that Avrille is safety for Sev, because he needs it.

In terms of canon, reading this has made me love Sev so much more than I ever have done in the books. By the end of DH I got that he was the good guy and that he'd done something amazing in being a 'double agent' but I didn't really dwell on it, but reading this really brought it home, just like reading about Cedric in the previous chapter. When I think about the times he would have to have mentally prepared himself over and over again and submit himself to the torture and jeers of the Death Eaters I have so much respect for him, and I know I wouldn't have really thought about him like this if it was not for this. You've made him so strong here, and I honestly believe that he was, because at the end of it he is just a man, not a super human baddie/goodguy. It's like you've taken the Harry Potter books, and shaken the childish naivety out of them and turned them into an adult series all of a sudden. I just love this, I really do.

For the one-thousandth time, your writing has blown me away, because you tell the story in such an effortless way. As I said a moment ago, I just wanted to keep reading on and on, because I am so absorbed by this! I especially loved the way you wrote Voldemort; I didn't even bat an eyelid at anything he was saying because it was all so canon and I really believed it was coming from him. Often some things are a little 'off' with canon characters but no way with this fic, and you've done such a super job at making the baddest of the bad guys so darn believable.

One last thing before I dive into the next chapter - I have so much respect for you in terms of sheer Harry Potter knowhow! Little things really stood out for me in this, like the way you used to correct name for the Strengthening Solution, and the way Sev was concerned he looked like an 'Inferius', and the way I kinda almost felt as though you'd memorised the floor plan for the Riddle's house ;D I know it's silly really, but the way you know and remember and include all these little details from the books makes this feel as though it is just a continuation from JK and makes this fic so enchanting :) You've done a really, really, super duper good job.

See you in the next review!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Well, I'm really really glad you don't mind the length because it was really against my gut instinct to cut them up to shorten them. :)

I really enjoy writing Severus. Like I said in my previous reply, I'm much more into canon events than making up a lot of my own, so I really enjoy filling in all of the missing moments for him. There are a lot, too! Especially with all the spy stuff since obviously Harry wouldn't know what was going on. One of the main parts of the books that always stuck a chord deep within me was when Dumbledore asks Severus when they're in the hospital wing at the end of GoF (and I'm paraphrasing here): "You know what I must ask of you. If you're ready, if you're prepared..." and then Severus answers "I am," instantly without even batting an eye. Even before we knew for sure he was good, his bravery always impressed me so much. That part means even more to me now when I think about that in reference to my own story.

Anyway, trying to not ramble too much. I'm glad the love scene at the end was ok. I'm definitely NOT a person who just throws them in left and right to make it "mature" or anything. There's only one scene in the first book, and it was only there because it was very integral to the plot. What you said about Avrille being his safety is exactly what I wanted that to be about.

It's probably because I didn't start the Harry Potter books until I was in college, but I've always been way more interested in the grown-ups in the series (hence why I will never write a story about Harry or the other kids). Going through some big life changes myself like having a baby brought a new dimension to the canon events and really helped me to appreciate how scary and dangerous the books are when you get past all the silly jelly beans and everyone wearing cloaks. Even the first book has some scary, effed up stuff in it if you think about it logically.

Wow, I'm so happy to hear Voldemort came off as believable. He was one of those characters I wasn't sure about writing. I kind of wanted to keep Ralph Fiennes in my head, but then I would get this more book-description Voldemort pushing his way into my thoughts, like the high cold voice and red eyes. It was weird cause I love Fiennes so much (even his awkward Voldy hugs).

Yes, I'm a huge insane Harry Potter geek. Granted some things I probably looked up on the Lexicon (which I hate to use cause of the lawsuit but sometimes it's a necessity when you're stuck on a fact). I really do work very hard to make everything exactly like the books like capitalization (though I realized there were some I missed, like Wizarding should be capitalized so you have no idea how much that's bugging me!) and dialect with Fleur and Hagrid. I'm actually re-reading OotP right now and smacked my head when I read the Strengthening Solution is supposed to be turquoise. I decided to keep it read on the assumption Severus improved the "official" potion and made it better for his own use ;) So since I'm crazy about canon details, I really appreciate it so much that my "work" shows :)

Thank you a billion kajillion times again for your reviews! They're really just the best (and I know "someone" who will be getting a featured reviewer nomination from me this month for sure!!)
~Renny

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I love this story. I have always wanted to know what it was like for Severus to have Voldemort back and having his POV and Avrille's is perfect. I'm absolutely in love with this story and your writing. Your descriptions are so detailed I can imagine the story in my head while reading. Perfect.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, I always had a hard time feeling like the first story was over since I couldn't stop thinking about how things would be with Voldemort back as well, especially when they would have a child together (um, Severus and Avrille. Not Severus and Voldemort. I don't think Voldemort would be very good about child support). I finally decided to just WRITE IT and have fun :) Thanks so much for your compliments, and I'm so glad you're liking the story! ~Renny

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Renny!

Okay, so I thought I should just let you know. When approaching this review, I made notes. ACTUAL notes. This really was a chunky first chapter! :D Saying that though, it was incredible, really truly honestly. This part of GoF is one of my favourites, because it is so intense and magical and heartbreaking. I love reading perspectives aside from Harry, too, just because it heightens the moments all the more and just..GAH! This was just so epic!

Okay, first up on the agenda for this review: I have written in a little notebook page entitled 'Renny - N.E.M. ch1': "'Hi' - lol! - colloq. - foresh. gah! good summ.". I understand if you cannot make heads nor tails of this, because it took me a moment to understand my ridiculous short hand too hahah! But basically, I scribbled these bits almost instantaneously with reading about the first three paragraphs of this, because I was swept away with the effectiveness of your writing and I didn't want to forget all these points I wanted to make! I LOVE that you started with dialogue, because it was so funny, bringing us closer to your character, and combined with your really colloquial and hilarious, casual "Hi." I know that Avrille is going to be an awesome narrator, and that there are going to be relaxing touches of humour later on, too :) It just adds to the whole cosy, mumsy feeling of the first section of this chapter, what with Char being freakin' adorable too.

You mentioned when posting the review request that you were concerned about your prequel fic, and whether or not you'd brought the readers up to speed. Well, you have! I assure you I haven't read your previous fic (though I probably will do now!) but I feel confident with my knowledge from what you've given me here to kinda grasp the characters and their circumstances a little better. Do be pleased with your summary, because it is effective, and somehow not overbearing, either, which is always good. At first, I couldn't quite get over Severus married with a child - it just felt a bit funny to me, but no, by the end of this chapter you'd eased me into the idea, mainly because of the fact that he is really quite canon too :)

Your actual writing style is so strong and so descriptive. This fic kinda reminds me of Mary's 'Unwritten', and honestly, you should see the amount of fangirling I do over that fic. You set up the scene so effectively - less is more! - which really adds to the 'actiony' feel of this fic. Yet, although you have done this there are some really beautiful descriptions scattered in there too, which make this chapter magical. I love this; "The first stars were just twinkling to life in the magenta-splashed violet sky above." It's so simple but SO gorgeous! With all of these elements combined, I was honestly so absorbed in this first chapter. My sister came in to ask me something - I waved her away without even lifting my eyes from the screen!

As I said before, I really like it when fics are set in surroundings and situations we know. I didn't really know what to expect from your request (but that's the fun with having a thread!) and was so excited when I realised when and where it was set. At first I thought it was another Triwizard Tournament, like, post-Hogwarts, because I didn't know if your previous fic was totally AU or anything, and was like, hmm, well this will be interesting, but as soon as I read the name 'Ludo Bagman' I swear my heart danced, and I was just like, NO WAY NO WAY IS THIS GoF!! From that moment on, I was won over by this fic :D It makes it so much more magical and so much more intense to set this somewhere we know. Truth be told, I adored this so much because I kinda felt like a Hogwarts student watching this all unfold from the stands ^.^

As well, you have captured the canon characters SO (note: 'so' is underlined twice in my notes) well! The Beauxbatons students, the Durmstrang students, even the teachers we already know. They all worked in total accordance with one another, in exactly the way I knew that they would have had JK included them in this part of the GoF. I don't really know how to explain it, but I just, I don't know. Honestly. The canon characters were just rad. Somehow you've impressed the way they are upon me so well and I can't even pick out why that is - I am so, so, SO impressed! It made this chapter just that little bit more awesome!

So, as the Hogwarts student waiting in the stands that I am, the intensity of the maze was so incredible. I went cold when I read that Fleurs scream was heard, and the first star had been shot up, and when Fleur was brought out - AH. It suddenly all turned snappy and instinctive, and I wanted Avrille to just be able to see and know what was happening because I really needed to know too!! The atmosphere was amazing and I was completely and utterly captured by it. And, God, when Harry and Cedric come out :( It was like the final release of pressure, and my heart broke all over again like it did in the books. My only constructive criticism to you in this first chapter would be to make his death more striking and, I don't know, in a weird way more sad. I just think, you've fantastically built up this incredible tense mood and he's there, they're both there, something awful has happened, and it would just be so traumatic to witness. It's so macabre with the band playing, too. I only really thought of this because of the Slytherin Prefect's response and attitude wasn't as I expected, I don't know why, and in a way she is telling of the rest of the students. Maybe I'm just sinister and weird, haha - MAKE ME CRY. Bahaha :P But in a way I needed to feel as though time had stood still and through the confusion there was realisation of the horror, too.

Eep, oh man I'm so sorry, only 218 characters left! The last part, in brief: Sev and Avrille are perfect and like magnets, and I love that I can feel their relationship and love. Gah, 28!! So much more awesome left to come!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Ok, I think the lost reply went something like this: WOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REALLY LONG, WONDERFUL REVIEW! I appreciate you taking a look at this chapter even though it's so long.:D I wrote the preceding story like this one alternating Avrille's and Severus's first person POVs, so I couldn't end this one before I was done with all the stuff Avrille had to say. I felt like all of this needed to be from her POV since we know Severus's side from GOF, and I try to steer clear of retelling events from the books since JKR already did that so masterfully :)

I'm so glad you liked the beginning of this story because I always feel very guilty requesting reviews instead of just receiving them spontaneously. However, since this was my first attempt at posting a WIP instead of a completed novel, I really appreciate feedback, *especially* from lovely readers like you who are knew to my writing so coming at it with a fresh set of eyes. So really, thank you!

I'm really glad you like Avrille! I think anyone who has an OC main character, especially one paired with a canon character, is nervous about how readers will take to her.

Good to hear the summary was adequate, and also that you were able to get over Severus being married. That would be pretty jarring without having the lead up of the first story. I think it would help if I explained my version of Severus had more of a big brother/little sister relationship with Lily before they fell out over her relationship with James since I wrote most of the first story before DH came out. I could never imagine canon Severus EVER being with anyone except Lily (hence why "Unwritten" is so AWESOME! Right?! Right?!?! I'm really honored to call Mary one of my closest HP buddies online, so to have my story compared to hers is really amazing!) The only other difference with "my" Severus (besides mine has amazing hygiene since I say so) is that his father was a wizard. Having him be able to do magic was really important to the plot of the first book, and having made most of THAT plot before HBP came out, Severus just had a different childhood in general, coming from a more wealthy, pureblood background, though his father lost all the money to alcoholism.

Alright, pressing on. I like surprising people with the time period, because I really don't think there are a ton of actual Hogwarts-era fics out there. I guess I am the same as you where I love reading a different take on events we already know. I can see the appeal of Next-Gen to people since you can do whatever you want, but personally if I'm doing that, I'd rather write original fiction. I fell in love with HP because of the Hogwarts years, and I like to stick to them. It also makes it a bit harder, I think, to fit an OC in. It's like a big puzzle and really cool! It's funny you mentioned AU since I used to have an AU tag on the first story because of Severus's past, but removed it since it's really alternate Severus, not alternate UNIVERSE, you know? And I worked way too hard to make the first story flawless with (pre-HBP) CoS canon to feel right calling it AU. This one might get an AU for events at the very end, but we'll see when I get there.

I want to throw out an extra HUGE thank you for the CC you mentioned about Cedric! You have no clue how helpful that is. That's something no one has picked up on before, and what you said makes so much sense. I think I was so focused on Avrille's worry about Severus that I totally neglected how emotionally devastated she would be by Cedric's death. I think she probably would have known Cedric a little bit from her own brief time teaching and then later helping the kids out unofficially with homework and studying when she was pregnant and stuck in the castle with Sirius "on the loose." So once I'm home, I'll definitely take a fresh look at that part and see what I can come up with.

Thanks a million times over for this review. It helped me so much! ~Renny

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yay! New chapter. Makes me wonder if have to put added pressure on you all the time. lol

I wanted to say i like that you put in the part of Harry yelling. It made me think back to the book and think "oh yeah". Personally I didn't like book 5 a whole bunch cause I felt the Harry was always angry.

Author's Response: Yay! Haha, yeah, the pressure certainly helped ;) I'll be away for 9 days so no writing getting done while I "relax" (because you can never relax when away from home with a toddler. Not. Going. To. Happen.) but I'll get to work as soon as I'm back!

Yes, Angry Harry made ME angry. I understand a lot of it was because he was actually sort of channeling Voldemort's anger the whole time, but it still really got on my nerves. That's the book where I stopped liking Harry. I just had to throw a dig at Harry's angst there, totally as a tribute to the Potter Puppet Pals' skit "Wizard Angst." Poor Severus, always having to deal with those insufferable teenagers. Thanks so much for the review! Keep the pressure coming. It's good for me, like asparagus and stomach crunches. ~Renny

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I think I'm the first to review! I love your Severus chapters and his wonderful snarky voice. Here were some of my favorite parts...

Severus on toddler stuff ("an assortment of snacks for him to choose from (even though he had just eaten, and it was somewhat likely Lavinia and Henry kept food in their house), and his “Conjure-A-Nursery” expandable cot that he had never actually once slept in.")

and Severus on "Black" ("The less time I had to stew in the seeping discontent of Black, who had not even bothered to glace our way yet, the better." was just one of my favorites.)

I wonder what is on Avrille's mind though? Guess we will find out next chapter.

Author's Response: You are! I think people were thrown by the fact that I actually got this one written so quickly ;) The next one won't be quite so speedy since I'm away visiting family for 9 days and didn't want to force myself to write, but I'll be back on it as soon as I'm home.

Severus on toddler stuff was great. I kind of thought what my own husband must think when I pack for us to all go somewhere since my kid is Char's age here. He doesn't see the point of bringing a diaper bag when he's going food shopping up the street, but I constantly think, "What if you break down? What if the store loses power and you're locked inside?!" Stuff like that. So yeah, Avrille's a bit over the top, but you really can't blame her with all the crazy stuff going on in the world. Sometimes the snacks you pack for your baby are the only things you can control.

I loved FINALLY being able to write Severus's thoughts on Sirius. We got enough of Sirius's stupid immaturity in the books, so I thoroughly enjoyed showing that character from someone else's perspective besides Harry who worshipped him.

You'll definitely find out what's up with Avrille next chapter. Nothing earth-shattering, but it's all leading up to something coming later on down the road. Thanks so much for the review! I always look forward to yours :) ~Renny

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What a lovely chapter -- I enjoyed your description of Severus and Avrille's day off. You are so good at describing places that I could visualize the beach and the light house.

Also it is so obvious you have a toddler yourself because your depiction of Char and the pleasures and hassles of parenthood are so spot on!

Author's Response: Hi Ardeith! I'm glad you liked the descriptions in this chapter. I'm always constantly paranoid that I'm not doing enough and just summarizing a bunch of actions, especially since it took a while to get to actual dialogue in this one. Sometimes I see scenes so clearly in my own head that I wonder if I'm just assuming readers can see the same thing as me.

Hoo boy, my toddler has been giving me some GOOD Char inspiration lately. Being a mom is weird in that it gives me lots of experiences to translate into story details, but also gives me no time to write them. And Avrille thinking about her Occlumency exercises is pretty much exactly how I feel about writing. This reply is pretty much the only thing I'm going to write tonight since I'm in brain-dead land. Thanks so much for the review! I promise the next chapter will be done much sooner. It's already half-way there, and I have a much better idea of where I'm going with it than I did this one. ~Renny

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*waiting impatiently for the next chapter*

Author's Response: Ack, way to lay on the pressure, ogmistress! And I was so proud of getting *this* one done! Haha, I'm just kidding. The next one should be done WAY sooner. It's already working up really quickly since I have a much better layout already in mind than I did with this one, which I pretty much was winging almost the entire time. Sorry also this reply is a few days late. I read the review right away, but spaced for some reason and forgot to reply. I'm pretty obsessive with replying right away because I'm always so grateful when readers take time to review. So thanks!! Crossing my fingers that the next one should be up in no longer than two weeks or so, depending on how much time my Char-inspiration toddler gives me alone to write. ~Renny

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love avril so far but sirius casting a sedating charm on her was a little invasive. Why does sirius keep calling dumbledore 'professor' when he's not sirius's teacher anymore?

great chapter!

Author's Response: Yeah, I agree that the sedating charm is kind of a grey area. Under normal circumstances Severus would NEVER do something like that, but this was a very post-traumatic situation for him, so he did what he felt he had to to get through it. He needed a few moments to recover and he knew it would hurt Avrille far more to see him so messed up like that (not to mention making her anxiety even worse in the future when he had to report back into Voldemort). So I had him go with the charm, even though it is, like you pointed out, kind of invasive.

I'm very interested that you noticed I have Severus call Dumbledore "Professor" all the time! No one's ever pointed that out. I did it on purpose as a sign of respect to Dumbledore because in my stories, I have Severus consider him almost like a combo father-figure plus mentor. When Severus is talking to Voldemort, he drops the "Professor" to make it seem like he doesn't respect him. Thanks for reading so carefully to notice that, and also for another review! They are SO appreciated! ~Renny

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I love sirius stories!! consider me hooked.

Author's Response: Cool! I'm guessing you meant Severus because if you're an actual Sirius fan, you're going to be disappointed since he's not going to be shown in a good light in this story, being one of my least favorite characters. Thank you for taking time to review! ~Renny

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So yesterday, I visited my igoogle for the first time in awhile and saw the feed for your stories. I totally forgot where I was so I went back reread chapter 2.
I'm in a bit of a rush to go back and right a review for chapter 3, so I'll just write it here. So after reading chapter 3 and 4, i am so ashamed that I forgot that I was reading your stories in the first place. I just love how well written it is. Recently I read this published book and I came to the conclusion that almost anyone can get published. I digress. Love your story can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh neat! I have a feed? I'm so clueless with these things, kind of stuck 10 years ago with regards to technology (thank goodness for my husband keeping me up to date on most of it.) Don't be ashamed at all!! Man, I have stories that I was reading like five years ago and never finished :( But I'm really glad you found your way back. I'll be starting work on the next chapter soon. Kind of in a life transition this week and next getting settled back at home, but after that I should be able to write write write :) If I don't get distracted getting back to work on some original fantasy I had going years ago. No! I won't! Getting published can wait until I've exhausted my Severus and Avrille stuff! Thanks for the review and look for the next chapter end of June, toddler gods willing. ~Renny

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Yay! I loved the first one and I'm positive I will love this one too. Can't wait for you to update soon!
~Pandora

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the sequel. I promise to update as soon as I can. My very conservative goal is to have the next chapter up by the end of June. I'll try to get it done even sooner. Thank you for the review and please check back in a few weeks! ~Renny

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YAY! i love this story! I dont really have anything to say... except UPDATE SOON!!! Please? ;) I love your writing, and this story is amazing, so update soon!
-Parvati

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!! I promise I'll update as soon as I possibly can! This month is going to be very hectic for me (and please don't hex me, but I'm working on a parody piece for a challenge due next week...) but I should be able to get back to some serious Severus/Avrille writing in June for sure. This should be one of the longer breaks in between chapters since I'm going to be pushing myself very hard to get the majority of this story written by the end of the year. Thank you so much for your review and please check back early summer! ~Renny

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I selfishly hope real life doesn't keep you from this story too long! But as you can see, real life (I was in a play) kept me from reviewing for a few weeks, so I can understand. :-)

Great chapter...I am so impressed by your powers of description here in the details about Riddle Manor. Also your deliciously creepy Voldemort and his little snake-like tendencies. Little touches like Snape wondering if he absorbs cold in his bare feet just really flesh out the scene.

I love how this story provides "missing moments" and explanations that complement canon. I'm sure we've all wondered why it took Voldemort so long to go after Harry (except that there had to be seven books!)

And I see in reply to another review that Greyadder/Blackadder was on purpose, so that made me smile too!

Thanks,
Ardeith

Author's Response: Real life is such a bugger sometimes. No worries about reviews! I hope you had a blast in your play. I've done theater in the past, so I completely understand what a huge time commitment it is.

I guess the fact that I've been watching lots of manor-house shows like "Upstairs, Downstairs" and "Downton Abbey" lately helped out with the Riddle House stuff. I normally have to force description out, but I actually had fun with that place (big, empty houses are super creepy. Probably why I decided to do one in the first story as well). Voldemort is really just so gross. I personally can't help thinking Ralph Fiennes brings a teensy bit of hotness to the role since I love him as an actor, but canon-Voldemort is just...eeew. Poor Severus. The stuff I make that guy deal with.

The missing moment stuff is kind of fun to figure out, like a puzzle. Like you said, obviously JKR needed to stretch things out to make seven books, but I also always wondered why it took Voldemort so long to get stuff done (that's a big note I have to myself in this story's outline, particularly with regards to sending Harry his dreams). Yay that you got the Blackadder thing! My husband and I totally LOVE Blackadder to pieces, so when I was thinking of a maiden name for Severus's mother, that just came to me. What can I say, grey is my favorite color, and it works well with the whole silver Slytherin thing. Then I figured, hey, I just HAVE to have a character named Edmund in there. I'm glad someone actually got that reference :D I tend to add lots of random things like that just for myself and never expect anyone to notice. Thanks so much for the review! Crossing my fingers that once I'm able to actually sit down for a decent amount of uninterrupted time, the next chapter will flow out pretty quickly. At least I have a vague notion of where this story is headed, more or less chapter by chapter. I really will do my best! I know there are a couple wonderful readers like you waiting! :D ~Renny

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I love love love your writing. I'm so glad to see more up.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really needed this review today to cheer me up. Maybe I can attempt to write a teeny bit when my toddler naps later :) This summer should provide me with a LOT more writing time. Thanks again for the review and the mood boost! ~Renny

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This is absolutely wonderful so far! I can't wait for the next chapter! Though I understand if it's a little bit of time before it gets posted, I know how life likes to get in the way. I'm really enjoying where this story is going so far. :)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! Real life is just so inconsiderate, isn't it? I constantly have ideas stewing in my mind, so even if I'm not physically writing at the moment, rest assured it's being worked on. Hoping this will be one of the longest breaks in between chapters, and looking for the next one to be up early summer for a conservative guess. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Your support means SO MUCH! ~Renny

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lol ok well this was shorter at least? im sorry but i stopped in the middle i like the story but my eyes realy hurt. and the other chappys are long to.

so um good luck with your story i guess? thnx for writing maybe ill come back if you write shorter things

Gabbie xoxoxo

Author's Response: Hahaha...yeah, *marginally* shorter, right? :D Thanks for what you were able to read and leaving a review! As I said in the first review response, future chapters should be shorter for sure, but these will probably stay the way they are. Darn me and my obsession with keeping every other chapter a different character. My total OCD-ness won't let me break them up. Thanks again! ~Renny

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so i read all of your other snape/avril story and liked it but these chapters are supper long? why arent they split up? it makes it hard to read them because its hard reading on a screen for a long time at least it is for me.

um i dont know what else to say your a pretty decent writer but maybe shorter chapters? sorry i tried to be helpful if you dont like my review its ok

Gabbie xoxoxo

Author's Response: Sorry the chapter length bothered you :/ Yes, I realize they are VERY long. It kind of bothers me as well, but since I switch POV's every chapter, I can't really end one until I feel like I'm done with what that character needs to say. Since there is simply a lot of information to put out there in the first few, they ended up being longer than I planned. After these first four, the rest will probably be much shorter, more like the length of the ones in the previous story. Sorry again the length bugged you. I totally understand. The review was very helpful, but since most people have said they don't mind the length, I'll probably leave it the way it is for now. Thanks so much for what you were able to read before going all bleary-eyed :) ~Renny

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And here for the next chapter! I've been working my way through it for the past two days and I feel terrible for taking so long. But I finally did it! YAY!

And this chapter was just was great as the first. I read your response, and I'm happy that you are glad that you have converted me for this fic! I'm generally not one to go out of my way and read Severus, but you've really provided me with a Sev that I like and I think that's great because I do like to read things I wouldn't normally every now and again.

This chapter was extremely deep and moving for me. Anytime I read a story with Severus even having deeper thoughts is deep for me because it's just so out of the ordinary for me to read. But this chapter was beautiful. It was painful to watch Severus have the Cruciatus Curse be placed on him, but I had never really thought about it I guess. I don't know why Voldemort wouldn't place the curse on Severus. He uses it on just about everyone, so I don't know why I always thought Snape would be an exception. And I thought the little addition of Snape keeping up that wall in his mind was brilliant. So a minor addition yet something huge that plays an important part. I thought that was great, and how Snape handled it just made me admire him even more.

Ah. And he and Avrille are just adorably perfect. They just flow together seemlessly with their dialogue, and their personalities do seem to match. When they're kissing, I'll admit it. I still think "who wants to do that with Severus?" But then I remember it's Avrille, and I look into her character and I understand. I really do. And then I get it and it just makes me love the two of them even more!

I loved the sweet ending of this chapter. I don't blame Severus for his wants. I'd want to do anything to escape from everything going on just to forget about things for a little bit.

Such a good chapter, dear! You really and truly have me in love. Again, I'm sorry for the wait! I'll be starting the next chapter right now and hopefully I'll finish it today or tomorrow! You're brilliant! :)

Author's Response: Really, don't feel terrible at all! I feel terrible myself these chapters are so long, but there really isn't any way I could break them up and be satisfied with it. Everyone who has reviewed says they don't mind the length, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much.

I know it's silly because he isn't real, but I feel so bad about the things I make Severus endure in my fics. I had him mentally tortured in the previous story, but it was sort of necessary to help him work through his emotional baggage from childhood. This I also thought was unavoidable. There's no way Voldemort would let him get off scot free. He must have assumed Severus was a traitor, if only because he met his downfall following the prophecy that Severus reported to him (not that he could really hold Severus to blame for that, but I'm sure it was something he was holding a grudge about unconsciously). Then when Severus failed to show up on time, Voldemort would still want to make him pay, even though like Severus said, he probably would have ordered him to remain at his post anyway if he knew Severus was a loyal Death Eater. Not to mention I think it's likely Voldemort might have suspected that Severus had been studying Occlumency since his downfall (probably guessing there was no way Severus could be as good at it as he was at such a young age the first time around) and assumed no one would be talented enough at it to maintain the spell through torture. So basically it adds up to me being a horrible, mean author but only because I know Severus can handle it.

Who wants to kiss Severus? Oh you know, just the weirdo girls like me. But keep in mind that my Severus is probably a bit more pleasant physically than the canon one. As much as I ADORE Alan Rickman and think he is insanely hot and the best possible canon Snape in the universe, you have to admit he's a bit old for the part. Severus in this story is 36, I believe. Plus he has very good hygeine, thank you very much. It's easy to let yourself go when you think you're directly responsible for the love of your life being murdered. If you don't have that sort of guilt holding you down and you suddenly find yourself around a totally gorgeous, young apprentice, you're likely to clean up a bit, I think. One thing I think is funny that a couple people mentioned in the last story is how I have Severus wearing cologne and they say they just can't imagine it. I can't imagine canon-Snape ever wearing any at all, but you bet your chocolate hat that my Severus happened to just stumble across some that he didn't mind so much after he met Avrille :) So yeah...younger, groomed Snape (who has a wonderfully tailored wardrobe as well) might be a little hotter than bitter, older canon Snape.

Well, I'm really just so glad you're liking it. I'm really enjoying your story as well! I've been *trying* to make my reviews just a bit shorter so I can read the chapters more quickly and attempt to finish it not too far into May, but I keep finding things that are funny (or messed up, usually Peakes-stuff...SCUMBAG) that I have to comment on. I'm off to read some of yours now! Hope you like the next chapter. There was some stuff in there (like with Sirius) that I had been dying to write for literally years. ~Renny

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I am so pleased you decided to create a sequel. I absolutely love The Dream of One Night and I was perusing the new stories on here after a long while of not visiting this site and I was pleasantly surpirsed when I came across this one! I'm so excited to read this as you work on it!

Author's Response: Well, thank you! *I'm* so pleased that you decided to read it and leave me a review ;) It really means a ton to me. Reviews are really the best way I have to gauge if anyone actually notices that this story exists and is reading it (which in turn really helps my motivation to keep writing! I mean, I'd do it anyway just for me, but it would probably take me a lot longer). I hope you like the rest of what I've written so far. I should be able to start serious work on it again early summer since things are a bit hectic in my personal life right now. I've set an unofficial goal for myself to have at least half of it done by the end of the year so it doesn't take me four years like the first story did to write. Thank you a million times over again for your kind words! ~Renny

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I am so sad I have to wait for more!
You're an amazing writer! I feel like I'm
friends with the characters!!
I will be waiting for more!!!

Author's Response: I know, I wish it would just instantly appear. That's what the first story feels like to me now since I don't remember physically writing most of it. *sigh* But as SOON as I can, I'll get writing! I'm just doing a temporary single-parent thing right now, but in about a month our whole family will be reunited and I can get back to having some free time to write. Thanks so much for all of your reviews. Knowing that there are people out there actually waiting makes me much more likely to force myself to write. I'll probably do a pretend NaNoWriMo again in June or July :) ~Renny

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And I have finally gotten around to reading! YAY! I apologize for the wait to get your review to you for the exchange. I'm so sorry! Things have just been crazy busy, but I've finally had the time to settle down and read your brilliant story!

And I'm just going to say right off the bat that you have a brilliant story here! It is unique! And it pulled me right in from the very beginning. I think that is such an important aspect in a chaptered story. How do you make a reader want to keep on going if you don't make the first chapter as great as it can be? You don't! But you sucked me in from the very beginning. Awesome job.

I love the personality you have put into this. I think first person is difficult to write. It's really hard to keep the person in character - as you've probably seen I'm struggling with in my piece - but you did it so good! Honestly you've really brought the story to life by telling it through Avrille's character. She is an energetic woman, and I just love the character you have put into even the minor descriptions within this piece. But that's what makes it so great! Like how in the very beginning she talks about being the mother of a dragon! I've never seen anything like that, and it definitely got my attention and got a little laugh from me. Another detail I loved was how Char started rummaging for Snape's wand. You really set the atmosphere for having a child around because what young child wouldn't do something along those lines.

And Char. Just adorable! You already have me falling in love with the kid.

This is such a unique fic. Set at such a unique time. But it makes perfect sense to me. The return of Voldemort. Things are going to get heated real soon, aren't they?

There is just so much about this fic that I have fallen in love with. Like how Sev is married, and the story is told by his wife. Honestly, how unique! It's so un-thought of and so original, and you've made it brilliant. You've actually made me like Severus already; how crazy is that? I like the way he is with Avrille, oddly enough. They have a connection even I can feel in their dialogue.

You have me sitting on the edge of my seat. I want to know more, and I want to see what happens. I can feel things heating up grealty.

I'm so glad that we were paired together! This is honestly one of the best fics I have come across in a very long time, and I didn't pass a single thing involving punctuation, grammar, etc. along the way. Even better! You've sucked me in to this marvelous story! And I can't wait to be back for the second chapter! And thank you also for your kind and helpful reviews! I love the things that you've pointed out to me; that greatly helps me!

You'll be hearing from me soon. :)

Author's Response: Yay! You're here! Don't worry about the "delay" at all. I know my chapters about FOUR TIMES as long as yours, so it's obviously going to take much longer to get through one :) But since I switch between Avrille's and Severus's POV each chapter, I can't really end the chapter until I'm done with that character. The new chapters I have planned out will be MUCH shorter from now on. I totally understand crazy. Want to know where 90% of Char's inspiration came from? Yeah. My own crazy toddler :)

The mother of the dragon thing came directly from my own life. My husband and I call our toddler the Baby Dinosaur since he's always made growling dinosaur noises, so when I thought of the dragon parallel (and the nickname, thank goodness!) I was stoked. I'm really glad I didn't start working on this story until I had a baby of my own because it's given me SO much source material to pull from.

The first fic was in the Chamber of Secrets year (which I think I picked simply so I could write about how ridiculous Lockhart is) so the timing with them having a child and Voldemort returning somehow worked out really well. Do you ever feel like the fan fiction gods are guiding you toward a good plot?

Guessing you're not a huge, shameless Snape fan like me, so if I'm converting you, that's pretty cool ;) He's the slightest bit less unpleasant than in canon (at least around other grown-ups) since I didn't have him being in love with Lily, they were merely very close friends until they fell out at graduation with Lily's engagement, so he doesn't have quite the same emotional baggage as canon-Snape. Like I said in my author note, a lot of the first story was done before HBP came out so I had to keep some things of his past changed to make it fit in with my plot (his father had to be a wizard, for example). If you have any questions about back story since this is a sequel, let me know. :)

I'm SO glad my reviews are helpful! There's really very little I'm noticing that needs correcting, and I only notice because I'm constantly having to check things like canon capitalization and spelling since I mess them up a lot. This was definitely a great pairing :) I signed up just so I could read something I normally wouldn't, and I don't go for Next-Gen stuff usually, preferring Hogwarts era. And bonus that's it a humor fic! I normally wouldn't gravitate towards one of those either, so it's very cool to experience a story out of my "comfort zone." So glad you're liking it so far. I get worried when I request reviews from someone who I'm not sure is into Snape or not. I don't want to gross them out! ;)

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