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108 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Ardeith Chapter Thirteen - Avrille

12th November 2013:
Sorry for the delay...again!...I'm still working my way through your story.

This was a good chapter, you did a brilliant job of coming up with a mission for Avrille. Of course, Dumbledore couldn't do all the research himself and of course, Voldemort would have particularly enchanted things against strong wizards.

I like the way you contrast Avrille's and Severus' voices. Avrille definitely sounds younger for one thing.

I can't wait to see what happens next. I think Avrille is doing the right thing, but am not sure Severus will see it that way. And I worry about keeping secrets from him, even if it's for his one good and the good of the whole world.

Author's Response: Ugh, I can't believe I never answered this review! I feel terrible! Hoping if you're able to come back to read again, you'll see this :) Really sorry about that. It's been a crazy six months at my house, and I haven't been checking for reviews as often. Then, once I do, I forget I haven't answered them. Bad Renny.

That was a difficult chapter to write. Originally I had Dumbledore explain all about horcruxes, then changed my mind when I decided there's really no way he would have told anyone except the Trio about them. So it was kind of tough to explain a mission about a potential horcrux without saying what it actually was without confusing Avrille *and* the reader. LOL.

I have the weirdest time writing Avrille for some reason. She always wants to come out like Severus. I have to make a conscious effort when I'm done and editing a chapter to "Avrille-isize" it. I always find it really funny since she's closer to me in age (I keep getting older since it takes me so long to write these stories, DOH.), isn't British, and is a woman like me. Go figure.

I hope you're able to come back and keep reading sometime soon :) I think the next handful of chapters get pretty interesting. I particularly like Severus's chapter after this one. Thanks for the review and sorry again for the unpardonably late reply! ~Renny


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Review #27, by Orange Chapter Eleven - Avrille

22nd October 2013:
Really enjoying this story- well written and carefully structured. Umbridge character realistically annoying. Looking toward to reading the rest. Thanks for taking time to write.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so, so sorry this reply to your review is super late. Normally I'm very good about replying in the first day or two after I see a review, but life's been kind of crazy the past few months on top of the regular, day to day crazy of having a two-year-old boy. My problem is that I like to sit down and give a reply my full attention since I appreciate the time readers like you take to leave one, and in my house opportunities like that don't ever seem to line up with when I remember a review is sitting there waiting for a reply.

Umbridge is just... evil. I'm glad my attempt at writing her is coming across well. I always felt while reading the books that the things Umbridge did both at Hogwarts and later in the Ministry were almost worse than anything Voldemort did. I'm glad the timing worked out with this sequel so I could include her. As if things weren't hard enough for Severus with his double-agent role, having his "home" being messed around with by a power-tripping bureaucrat adds an extra dimension of conflict and keeps things interesting (at least for me writing it) Thanks so much for taking the time to review, and sorry again about the lateness on my part! ~Renny


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Review #28, by ogmistress Chapter Nineteen - Avrille

12th October 2013:
Wow the layout of the site changed.
Anyways, I loved it. I especially loved the description of Severus magic while he was angry. It reminded me that I should be afraid right now, but not terrified.
I liked the flow of emotions that went on through the chapter. I'm pretty sure I was holding a breath that I did not know.(that sentence is a result of watching a Shakespearian (sp?) movie yesterday)
I wish there was a way that I can answer back to your responses to my reviews, because I always have one.
I really can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hi! I am so, so sorry for this incredibly late reply. Life with a toddler is, ah, interesting. Interesting meaning even tiny tasks that require a little bit of concentration like replying to an incredibly kind review sometimes get pushed off much too long. So, sorry again about that!

Yeah, the layout got crazy, but I think it's much better. I don't know if I've posted since it changed, again with the no time to write lately, so I'm curious if that's totally different now too.

I really liked that chapter. I hated how long it took me to be able to write it, but I'm glad I waited until I was really feeling it and had an uninterrupted time to write it correctly. That wasn't one that I wanted to just rush out because I was feeling guilty about not updating in, oh, FOREVER. Unfortunately the same thing seems to be happening with the next chapter, which I haven't even started yet. I'd like to get at least something written in November since it's NaNoWriMo and all.

If you ever want to reply, I'm totally cool with a private message on the site's forums. Or you can ask a question on my meet the author thread, link is right on my author page. I really appreciate all of your reviews so much (which makes me feel even worse when it takes me so long to reply). They mean a ton to me and keep that voice going in the back of my head saying it's been way too long since I updated! Thanks again! ~Renny


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Review #29, by Ardeith Chapter Twelve - Severus

3rd October 2013:
I've been away from this site and from your wonderful story for so long and I'm sorry for neglecting it and you! I was busy at work, a terrible thing happened, life goes on, things got better and here I am. :-) I'm going to try to catch up and review the chapters I missed.

Loved this chapter as I always love "your" Severus' voice. One thing that I enjoy that you bring to the fan fiction world is the experience of the Harry Potter world as an adult. Obviously, Harry never thought about life insurance! The goblins speculating on relative prices in light of the Dark Lord's return is just brilliant!

Great characterization of Umbridge and Dumbledore in this chapter. Inventive and absolutely in character.

As always,I enjoy Char and his real-ness. Char on sweets as a Human bludger is so perfect!

Author's Response: No worries at all! There are so, so many stories I've had to walk away from before finishing reading them because of real life, not to mention my inability to read a chapter of a fic without leaving a crazy long review, basically doubling the amount of time it takes to read :D I'm really so happy to see you back! I'm so sorry to hear you had to deal with something terrible. I hope everything's ok now. Sounds like you had a lot going on, so not surprising you haven't been around the site lately. I only have the excuse of a two and a half year old and a husband recovering from major surgery (oh wait... I guess that's a pretty good one...)

Er, anyway, I really enjoyed writing that chapter. Anytime Severus gets to terrorize a student, even if unintentionally, is pretty amusing to write. I like to give a little reminder that though we see a softer side of him with his family, he's still kind of a jerk in the classroom. Hey, whatever keeps those kids in line, right? I also did want to get back to Nan because she was sort of left hanging in the previous story. I always enjoy Dumbledore, because for some reason his voice comes really easily to me, and Umbridge is just...ugh. I don't know how JKR wrote her knowing she wouldn't be killed off for the horrible things she did.

Hopefully Char will not resemble my own toddler quite so much as he gets older. Talk about human bludger. Phew! Hence why I haven't had a single moment to write since I posted my last chapter. Oh well! It's all there stewing in my head. First available opportunity and hopefully it will all come out at once. Thanks so so so much for finding time to come back to the story and leaving me a review! I appreciate it so much! ~Renny


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Review #30, by rez Chapter Nineteen - Avrille

12th September 2013:
oh that was so s beautiful. god I love this story so much, I lie the intensity of every chapter and I liked the way this chapter panned out :) I'm now really really curious about what dumbledore has to say about avrilles mission because I feel like its really very significant, there seemed to be do many hits that something really important has happened but I don't know yet.. love your writing always, looking forward to the next x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I really needed it since I was having kind of a tough day, being all frustrated that my mom-priorities have made writing especially difficult to do lately. Avrille's mission will end up being incredibly significant, but not in a way that Dumbledore was expecting (since we know from canon that there was never a Horcrux there. I try to be as faithful to canon whenever possible). But the significance of that location with Tommy will be explained, though indirectly, and chapter after next you might start to see the unexpected effects of Avrille's good deed :) Thanks so much again. It means a ton to me to know that there are readers who really enjoy this story. It keeps my motivation up. I'll try really hard to get the next chapter written as quickly as I possibly can, though Char has nothing on the difficulty of my own toddler :/ Wish *I* had magic... ~Renny

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Review #31, by Barbara Chapter Nineteen - Avrille

3rd September 2013:
Hey,
as we've talked about TDoON on FB, I thought I should really check out the sequel, since I remember begging your for one all those years ago after I finished the first instalment. So, here I am. :)

First to this chapter, I'm SO glad you had them make up in the end. I really hated how chauvinistic Severus was being - I mean I think it's pretty much in character and all, but I just tend to be most comfortable when the story heroes act like dream boyfriends/husbands. :)) But he did see sense in the end, so that's all that matters. Though I probably couldn't have resisted asking how come Severus hasn't resigned his job in Avrille's place. You know, since parents shouldn't leave their children and all that. I'm sure they could have survived on his savings for a while. Not the Order job, mind you, his teaching job. Leaving his son at home while he went teaching? Scandalous! :))

More generally to the story, at the very beginning I had an uncomfortable feeling that Char was going to be a Mary-Sueish child, developing all those skills early, but he turned out all right in the end. :) I really like the plot so far, and I kind of hope something more will come off this Severus' relationship with Selwyn. Avrille's and Narcissa's seems doomed for the moment, unfortunatelly - I don't think Avrille and Bellatrix would get on. :))

The story about Voldie's son was heart-wrenching. I wonder what was up with the bones - I mean it doesn't seem the sort of thing he would make into a Horcrux, but what do I know, right?

Anyway, great job, and I'll do my best to come back for later chapters (I don't normally go to HPFF anymore, so...).

Happy writing,

Barbara

Author's Response: So, hi again, Barabara! I already gushed thank-yous to you on FB, so I won't take up room here doing that again. :)

It's very interesting that you read Severus as being chauvinistic here, because that wasn't how I had him in mind when writing. For me, his freak-out was motivated half by fear that Avrille would get herself killed, the anger of her breaking her promise to him being twisted up in that, and also half because of dredging up his own feelings of abandonment by *his* mother when he was young, like I had Avrille sort of mention. After all, though it was a few chapters before, his flashback to his last, real conversation with his mother was only a couple hours before this fight, so those complicated past feelings were still very much on his mind. The idea that Avrille had left Char behind, though obviously for a much different reason than when his mother used to leave him to get a break from the abuse, was sort of just the last straw for him at that moment.

I think Avrille knew all along that it wasn't practical for Severus to resign instead, so she wouldn't have brought it up. That's kind of the situation I'm in personally. I didn't finish college, so it wouldn't make sense for me to go out and get a lower paying job than my husband, who had more experience and more education now. Whatever job I *could* get, I'd pay that much for childcare in this country, hence why I just stay at home with him. Avrille was in a similar situation, on top of the fact that Severus's position as a spy plus his bad blood with Sirius in the third book, made it safer for her to stay at Hogwarts "at home" with Char while Severus worked. In my mind, Severus makes insanely good money at Hogwarts, cause I like to think the wizarding world puts a high price on good education, unlike the USA :P So... there's that long-winded explanation.

I'll definitely take your CC about Char in mind if I decide to tweak his character a little. The last thing I want is a dreaded Mary Sue/Gary Stue situation. Funny thing is that I actually based a lot of Char's development, like rolling over a two weeks on, directly on MY son! He really did most of that, so to me it wasn't unrealistic. Granted he didn't climb bookcases, thank heavens, but he also isn't a wizard baby :)

Selwyn's an interesting guy for me. He started out just being sort of a " huge jerk Death Eater" guy who I didn't know what I was going to do with. Now he's evolved into something more complicated, and I think he's actually sort of like Severus to a degree, though he's the opposite. More of an example of what might have happened to Severus had he decided to just stick it out with the Death Eaters and try to stay alive instead of doing the "right" thing. I don't think Selwyn is an evil guy, just selfish and putting only his own interests first like most Death Eaters besides the hardcore ones like Bellatrix. And yeah, Bellatrix is sort of a huge nail in the coffin of Avrille's and Narcissa's budding "friendship." Narcissa was mostly there because she's important later, but I don't think anyone really thought that relationship would go anywhere, what with creepy, scumbag Lucius lurking down the hall in his study or whatever.

You're right the bones aren't a Horcrux. I like to keep my stories as close to canon as possible, besides Severus's family stuff that I kept changed because I still have a hard time thinking of him as a half-blood. But I do have an explanation for why the bones were there, just need to get to Avrille's next chapter where we can have Dumbledore hint at it.

Anyway, thanks again for your wonderful review. If you're able to come back for later chapters, I would of course be over the moon, but I more than anyone knows sometimes real life doesn't leave much time for fic-reading. I've had to give up all reading and reviewing myself or else this story would truly never be finished. Thanks again! ~Renny


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Review #32, by ogmistress Chapter Eighteen - Severus

3rd June 2013:
Oh man. I want to see/read his face when he finally see his wife. Wow there are so many ways that reunion can go. I'm excited for the next one.

Author's Response: Thank you! I haven't started on the next one yet because I want it to be really good and the right writing mood hasn't hit me. I think I pushed myself so hard in April that I burned out a tiny bit. But hopefully after a short break, I'll come back to the computer nice and fresh to write out a good scene :) I think you'll like what's coming. Hopefully it will come across as being realistic given the stress both of the characters are under. Thanks a bunch for the review! I'll try my utmost to not take too long to update ~Renny

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Review #33, by ogmistress Chapter Seventeen - Avrille

5th May 2013:
*fist shake* no, it can't end like that. lol

I have to tell you while I was reading and scrolling down I was checking the side of the page hoping that there was more and that I wasn't going to have to wait for another 2 chapters to see what happened to Tommy.

My assumption was wrong on who Tommy was. I realized when Tommy said his grandparents' name.

Also I liked that you explained what happened to Tommy's mom and that you put a little explanation on Tommy's conception. (cause I was wondering why would The Dark Lord lay with a Muggle. Answer, thanks to you, simply cause he was a man.)

The details about the grounds were great. I felt like I was walking through the halls. (your stories are descriptive by nature but I don't think I ever mentioned that)

I figure that you will explain the significance of the bones to The Dark Lord later.(since they were well protected and all) There are many unanswered questions since you had Avrille buried the bones with the boy's mother. Unless the fact that she found the bones broke the spell (and I don't mean the barrier one)? (I'm just brainstorming)

Can't wait for the next chapter. I am excited.

Author's Response: Oh noes! Not a fist shake! Hahaha, well, I was hoping it wasn't *that* ambiguous since Tommy's story is basically done now. I was hoping to imply that once his remains were reunited with his mother's, it sort of freed his spirit and allowed him to move on to the afterlife to be with his mom. Kind of the whole Voldemort has no power over love thing.

I was also trying to wrap my mind around a way to explain how Voldemort could have a kid. I'm sure it's been done a lot in fan fics, but I've never read any myself. I thought the only chance would be that window in between when he was in school and when he came back to ask for the DADA job and he was super changed and scary-looking. After that he was too inhuman to even have *those* urges any more, in my mind. I think Voldemort would have just considered the experience with Edith to be, for lack of a better phrase, slumming it. Doing that with a witch, who might have some idea who he was, was too risky, so he took advantage of what was willingly offered. He's a pretty messed up dude.

I'm not really touching on the bone thing because I was trying to imply (again) that Voldemort's huge secret was simply that he had inadvertently conceived a child, or what he would consider to be an heir and rival. Dumbledore was obviously expecting something huge and magical like a horcrux, but in the end it was merely Voldemort trying to hide what he considered to be a disgusting shame. If that's not clear, maybe I'll go back and add a few lines to make sure that comes across.

So Tommy's done, but his influence definitely isn't. There's still that "gift" of his, after all. Unforunately I'm going to be horribly mean and make you wait for Avrille's chapter after next (so four chapters from now) to get a clue to help you guess what it is. I'm really excited about it, in a dorky way. I had one idea, and the thing about Tommy, then I had this crazy epiphany that one could cause the other. I think it will be interesting. The source of Avrille's extra-powerful magic will be explained in that one as well, finally!

Thanks so much for the review! I know that chapter was a long one. Hopefully I can keep them at a more manageable length now. Hope to see you back soon!
~Renny


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Review #34, by Fi Chapter Seventeen - Avrille

2nd May 2013:
Hello again! Since I do have a bit of time, I am going to leave a review.

A nice, long chapter - which is exciting! I have to admit though that I'm not exactly reading through this in a leisurely manner, but more like skimming and speed-reading in the time I have to spare. Even so, I don't think that chapter length is necessarily an issue, because the narrative structure and development is still very clear.

Whilst I'm not as big a fan of 'action-y' plot-lines as opposed to more dramatic or even romantic stories, I still find Arville's mission utterly compelling. I'm interested to find out what the implications of these events are.

I might be a bit slow, but it took me quite a while to actually accept that Tommy was a ghost and not real. I thought that it was great how you managed to unfold the deep and dark mystery of his family history. And of course, I am anticipating the next chapter(s) where we will find out what the "impish smile" and "laughing" are sinisterly foreshadowing.

- Fi

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for taking the time to leave a review. Sorry this is a few days late. Our toddler learned how to crawl out of his crib this week so it's been madness. Yikes! Where's magic when I need it?!

Truthfully, I REALLY don't like having chapters this long. One or two have been necessary to finish one character's action before the next one takes over, but I prefer to keep them around 6,000 words max. This was just one of those chapters that had a lot that needed to happen before we check back in with Severus. So I'm really glad it read ok and wasn't too much.

I'm also not big into "action-y" things either. I like maybe one big action scene per story and the rest more character-driven. There will definitely be some long-lasting influence of Tommy's from this chapter, but probably not in the way I'm guessing people are assuming.

Yes, Tommy was a ghost :) Sort of a super-ghost. I figured if Voldemort could raise dead bodies to do his bidding, then he could do some crazy stuff with their spirits too. I didn't really mean for the end to appear sinister, since I really felt like it was a joyous moment when Tommy is united with the spirit of his mom he never got to meet... but that's not to say there isn't something unearthly happening. Well, you'll see in about four chapters ;)

Thanks a bunch for the review!! ~Renny


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Review #35, by ogmistress Chapter Sixteen - Severus

23rd April 2013:
Well I am glad the meeting was about the released prisoner and not about something else. But then again as I sit here and think about it. The Dark Lord didn't noticed when Dumbledore was poking around the asylum so why would he notice Avrille.

Author's Response: Yup, you're hit the nail on the head. Voldemort's biggest weakness was probably his pride. He assumed he was so powerful and brilliant that no one could ever discover his horcruxes, and other secrets, so once he hid them away, he pretty much forgot about them. It was just bad timing that Severus was called when he was. I'm pushing the prisoners' escape up a couple weeks to work with my plot (in the book it appears they escaped the last night of Christmas break) but I'll have an explanation for it :) Thank you for the review! I'll try to get the next chapter out soon. I'll be writing it from scratch, so it won't be crazy-fast like the last couple. ~Renny

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Review #36, by ogmistress Chapter Fifteen - Avrille

22nd April 2013:
I had a suspicion...actually I have a suspicion who that little boy is. I don't want to jump the gun even though you told us his name.

To reply to one of your responses to my review- I felt that when I watched HBP that I was missing a whole ton of details that I want to know. That is why I pick up the book again. But I guess I have to be in a groove or maybe not have any electricity.

Author's Response: Your suspicion is probably right since I'm going to guess there's really only two options people will consider, and one of them would seem pretty impossible if you take into account I'm following canon except for the bit about Severus's family. So... I'll be curious to hear what you think in Avrille's next chapter when I delve into who Tommy is :D

As for HBP, it might be easier to get into it if you ever read the whole series again from the beginning. Otherwise, at the very least you should read the end part, starting from Dumbledore and Harry in the cave. The whole section where Snape kills Dumbledore then runs away with Draco is just not done justice in the movie, especially when you know the intense pain Snape was feeling having been forced to just murder his mentor. I love all the books, but I still think that's my favorite one.

Thanks for the review! The next chapter is already up. It was 98% done in November, so posting was easy. Hoping the chapter after it won't take too long. It's probably going to be fairly long and none of it is written yet. ~Renny


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Review #37, by ogmistress Chapter Fourteen - Severus

22nd April 2013:
I really liked the exchanged between Severus and his mother. I really like this chapter a lot. I feel emotional and satisfied at the same time.

Author's Response: Oh good, I'm glad you liked it. That was one chapter I wasn't sure if anyone would "get." I know that it's important and there's some foreshadowing elements, but obviously nobody else does ;) I'm happy to hear it came across well even though you don't know the full reason for it yet. I did want to just touch a little more on Severus's relationship with his mother. I liked the little bit of writing her I got to do in the last story. Thank you for the review! ~Renny

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Review #38, by ogmistress Chapter Thirteen - Avrille

22nd April 2013:
I am very anxious about what will happen next with Avrille. The fact that it is an asylum that worries me.

Author's Response: I think you'll like what's coming up. I wrote most of it yesterday, and I'm pretty pleased with it. Abandoned *anything* is scary for me, and mental institutions in particular. I fully believe in ghosts since lots of people, me included, have had personal experiences with them, and they crep me out. I think Avrille's next couple chapters are going to be kind of cool, similar to the end of the last story with the abandoned house and the tomb. Hope you like it! Thanks for the review! ~Renny

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Review #39, by Fi Chapter Fourteen - Severus

21st April 2013:
Well, after your completely compelling Author's Note, I feel obliged to leave a review as I'm actually not doing anything productive with my time now.

To keep things short, I'm absolutely blown away by this story. I honestly don't remember if I reviewed your previous story, but you've managed to depict a meaningful and utterly convincing characterisation of Arville and Severus, and I think it keeps getting better as the story progresses. Even though I'm often skeptical of how Snape gets characterised in fan-fiction, yours is a very good one. Char is also adorable.

Even aside from characterisation, your plot is really quite engaging as well. Especially now in the midst of Voldie/Umbridge, there's a lot of good material to explore, and I'm looking forward to how you deal with Severus and his role as spy - especially in books 6 and 7, but perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. He better not die! I'm rather too attached to his character in your stories.

And of course, your writing style is streets ahead of quite a lot of the fan-fiction I've read online. Sometimes there are minor things, but really, it doesn't detract from the flow of the story. Whilst I'm seeing less of it now, I particularly enjoy reading the snarky Snape first-person narration.

But aside from all my gushing, there are a few things which I feel could be improved.

Firstly, I'd really like to see more interaction between Arville and non-Umbridge/Dumbledore members of staff! I think it could be nice, although I understand that it's probably not crucial to the story. And I think that more awkward interactions between Arville and Remus + Sirius could be interesting. I also find it quite unusual that she doesn't seem to be in regular contact with her own family, unless I've missed some things. Sometimes, I feel as though she's quite isolated in her chapters, and I feel kind of sorry for her :)

Also, although this might be inevitable, I think that the speed with which you are dealing with the school year is a bit rushed. The story started at end of fourth year, and it's already Christmas fifth year - but then again, not knowing the exact scope of the story, I completely understand if a certain pace is necessary to finishing the plot.

In terms of this chapter specifically, I thought it was quite touching, but also a bit slower-paced compared to everything else. Nevertheless, it was a nice and quite sad chapter. To be honest though, right now I think Arville's adventures are a bit more interesting. However, that is not to say I don't want to read about his perspective as well, because there's clearly a lot of building tension there as well, even if not obvious right now.

I'm really struggling to think of anything else that I would like to see improved. So I guess I'll just end by saying that I'm really looking forward to the next chapters. It's absolutely amazing and wonderful how often new chapters come up. Thank you for making my day! :)

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I guilted you into a long one, didn't I? Wow, I really appreciate you taking so much time to review, and it looks like you've made so many good points. I'll try to not max-out the reply. Reviews are so important to me for both constructive criticism (it's hard to come by since it's a sequel, and I feel weird requesting reviews for a sequel on the forums) and also just to tell who's reading. Looking at the read count, I can't tell if 10 hits is 10 different people reading or one person taking 10 breaks to get through a chapter :D But on to your reply!

First, thanks so much for your compliments. I try really hard to keep things as canon as I can, but still make it my own if that makes any sense. I'm also REALLY looking forward to touching on the sixth and seventh books as well, though they'll probably be part of a very long epilogue (*possibly* a stand-alone short story) so there won't be as much detail as this one. But I'm fully planning on bringing the story straight through the end of DH.

I totally hear you about getting Avrille talking to some new people. These past couple chapters, I've been thinking, "Ok, I'm going to DIE if I have to write one more conversation in Dumbledore's office." Unfortunately, Umbridge's presence in the school meant they had few places to speak that privately. Remus and Sirius were fun, but I have a hard time justifying spending time on them when they really aren't main characters. I feel like I need to find some way to wrap up Remus so he isn't left dangling. Avrille is very isolated in a way, I guess because I could relate living with my husband overseas for a while. It's also really hard when you have a small child to be as social as you used to be. Avrille's basically a prisoner to Char's schedule on top of having to be extra cautious who she's seen interacting with because of Voldemort. I feel as frustrated as she does sometimes, because I know it isn't realistic to have her always running around having adventures. Therefore, I'm trying to keep her chapters as interesting I can with the restraints I have on her. Her mom will be coming for a visit a couple chapters from now, so we'll finally get to see her in person. I feel like Avrille simply did have sort of an isolated life. I don't picture her having very many family members, and she didn't have any friends in school she kept in touch with. In a way it freed her up to follow her dream to work outside the country, but also like you said, means she doesn't have very many people now. But don't worry, Mom's on her way :)

Yes, the pace is picking up. Since we have a really full account of what happened each months in the original books, I don't like to simply retell every event from another character's point of view. I did a similar thing with the first story, focusing more on a certain time of the year (usually school-breaks since that was when Avrille and Severus would have a significant amount of time alone together) and summarizing the others so the story isn't 500,000 words long :) Because I want to bring this all the way through DH, I'm glazing over some events in OotP that aren't vital to my own subplots. I promise it makes sense in my head. Though that might actually be much reassurance. Hahaha.

Avrille's stuff right now is going to be more action packed, Severus's more subtle with a different kind of danger. His chapter with his mother was slower paced, but was still important. There's a couple foreshadowing things in there that will have relevance later. There's one section in particular that's vital for how this "book" (the OotP part) ends.

Well, thank you for making my day as well with such a lovely, well-thought-out review. Feedback is really invaluable for me, especially because I don't have a beta for this story anymore. I'll really take your suggestions to heart and implement as many as I'm able to. Thanks! ~Renny


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Review #40, by ogmistress Chapter Twelve - Severus

21st April 2013:
Haha I knew that something like that was going to happen.

Author's Response: Yeah, I guess it was pretty obvious that you can't call Umbridge a disgusting child-abuser to her face and expect to get away with it. :/ I just figured it would be pretty unrealistic for Avrille not to say anything. I know I wouldn't have been able to keep quiet myself. I don't have Severus's self-control either. Thank you for the review! I'm glad you had so much to read :D ~Renny

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Review #41, by ogmistress Chapter Eleven - Avrille

21st April 2013:
I am a bit scared now. Avrille seemed to put herself on Umbridge's radar. O.O

The tea time was great. I loved how you put in Narcissa's love for Draco. I came to admire her in year 7 of the movies. (I didn't read the last 2 books because someone spoiled the 6th one and I just couldn't bring myself to read it. I tried but I don't think I got past the first chapter)

I am also surprised about hoe fast these chapters are up. I come back and there are 4 chapters waiting for me to read.

Author's Response: Umbridge always scared me. She reminds me too much of actual people in government. I've always felt like OotP was the darkest book, even though more people and Hogwarts was actually attacked in DH.

I really felt for Narcissa in the books and movies as well. Her love for Draco in this story will be just as important as it was in those. That totally blows that someone spoiled the book for you. I was luckily living in Germany when it came out, so I was able to get it the first day and not know what anyone around me was saying anyway ;) If you ever want to try again, I really recommend the sixth book in particular. It's my favorite, and I don't think the movie did it justice, especially with all of Severus's stuff. The DH movies were really great, but HBP not so much (though still better than stupid PoA in my mind)

For some reason I've been able to write very quickly lately. Part of it is because some of the stuff was done for NaNoWriMo, but I think it's all coming together more easily now. I should already have the next chappie up in a day or two at most. Thank you for the lovely review! You're the best! ~Renny


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Review #42, by ogmistress Chapter Ten - Severus

21st April 2013:
I read this some time ago and I thought I reviewed. I tend to let the story simmer in my head sometimes before I review so I can actually write something good. But it seems that I forgot...lol.

I did have a feeling about the life insurance was what Snape was there for when it was said about being a legal place. Also Char, in the other chapter how it was pointed out that he was able to get out of that spell Snape did on his block fortress, I don't think it was random.

I'm too lazy to acually sign in for this review so I am just going to put my name, well username.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm trying to clear out all of my old unanswered reviews, so you'll probably never read this, but I wanted to tie up loose ends on the site. If for some reason you ever read this, I apologize profusely for the insane delay. ~Renny

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Review #43, by ogmistress Chapter Ten - Severus

21st April 2013:
I read this some time ago and I thought I reviewed. I tend to let the story simmer in my head sometimes before I review so I can actually write something good. But it seems that I forgot...lol.

I did have a feeling about the life insurance was what Snape was there for when it was said about being a legal place. Also Char, in the other chapter how it was pointed out that he was able to get out of that spell Snape did on his block fortress, I don't think it was random.

I'm too lazy to acually sign in for this review so I am just going to put my name, well username.

Author's Response: Haha, no worries! I do the same thing sometimes. So glad to see you stopped back in! You were the one who always kicked my butt to get the next chapter out, so I hope you appreciate how productive I've been this month ;)

You're always good at guessing what I'm up to, so I'm not surprised you had some feelings there. Char... hmmm. I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything with that specifically. I think I just wanted to show that he's probably inherited Avrille's gift (which I'll be explaining the source of coming up, don't worry).

Thanks so much for the review! It was great to see your "face" again! ~Renny


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Review #44, by Brianna Chapter Eleven - Avrille

8th April 2013:
I think you are a brilliant author. Honestly, I couldn't put my phone down. I'm not really much of a constistent reader, I usually read a few paragraphs then stop for a few weeks. This, however, was amazingly well written. You are really doing am incredible job! :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! What a compliment :D I'm the same way with reading fan fiction. I think it's because it's not in actual paper-book format, I can never read more than a chapter or two at most at a time, so I really appreciate your devotion (and on a phone no less! I haven't ever tried reading this site on a phone before. I'm a traditional, old-school PC girl for the most part). I'm really happy you're liking it so much so far. The next chapter should be up in a few days, knock on wood-imitation-desk. Thank you for taking a moment to write a review. They mean so much! ~Renny

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Review #45, by Ardeith Chapter Eleven - Avrille

2nd April 2013:
I really loved this chapter, so I'm glad it wasn't there to read with the April Fools joke all over it. :-)

I liked this insight, I'm sure I would want the "evil" wives to like me, too:"Even though back then you’d despised the clique of rich, popular girls, most of the time you still secretly wished they’d let you sit with them at their table for meals."

I have to compliment your powers of description, too. I could just see Malfoy Manor and Narcissa. I loved the description of her robes. But beyond that, I loved how well she fit with the canon Narcissa. Even though Harry's take on her is pretty much negative (until the end), I can imagine that a fellow wife/mother would find her more sympathetic. I actually liked her here, especially her love of Draco.

Oh and points to me... I guessed Nan's problem before it was revealed! Oh dear, Avrille is not going to let this go easily, is she?

Author's Response: Oh man, the April Fool's stuff was so funny! But I was kind of horrified after I posted the chapter the night before (because I think the site runs on GMT so it was already the first) and read what everything had been turned into. I was thinking, "Oh no! What if someone reads this and doesn't know about the site's prank! They'll think I'm totally high or something!" So I pulled it and posted it the next night :D April Fool's is always so fun around here with the amount of people who think it's true.

I feel like Avrille would still have a lot of insecurities, even though she's matured a lot since she was younger. With her own troubles when she was in school combined with not really fitting in at Hogwarts anymore since she isn't a teacher, I think it would be realistic for her to want to at least impress Narcissa, especially when it was so important to keeping her family safe.

Narcissa really struck me as an interesting character after the Spinner's End chapter. For once we got to see that not every Death Eater is stereotypically evil like Bellatrix, which I appreciated. I loved Severus because he was so complex, and Narcissa is the same way. She also ended up in a difficult situation being married to a Death Eater, but having a child to protect probably meant she didn't feel as free to do the "right" thing. I do feel a little bad about having to paint Lucius as being such a scumbag, but we didn't get any hint that he actually cared about his family until the seventh book, and my own first story was already almost done by then. :/ Maybe I'll give him a change of heart down the road. Maybe.

Oh, good for you!! Super points! Poor little Nan. I like to think she joined Dumbledore's Army after that incident. Maybe she reconnected with Luna and they became super BFFs again :) I hope everyone isn't disappointed when Avrille doesn't blow up Umbridge or something. Unfortunately we know from canon that she stuck around the whole year. There really isn't much in the world that is more torturous than knowing there's injustice going on and being completely unable to stop it. At least we know the centaurs get Umbridge in the end! >:D

Thank you, thank you for the double reviews! I have the next chapter started, so hopefully it won't be longer than a couple weeks so get it up. The next few after that one should be faster since they're already mostly written from NaNoWriMo. Thanks again! ~Renny


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Review #46, by Ardeith Chapter Ten - Severus

2nd April 2013:
Yay -- there are two chapters of Sev/Avrille goodness to read! And I'm the first to review. :-)

I love your mastery of Severus' voice. The rant in the opening paragraph is just wonderful! I love how you explain everything through Severus' eyes. I know it's challenging because some of his actions don't seem to quite make sense in canon. You do a great job of resolving the fact that Severus is "good" with the fact that he still doesn't like Harry.

Sev did better than I expected, having to bring Char to such an important business meeting! Wonder what use Sev will get to make of Mrs. Selwyn's blood status.

And nice ending...I didn't expect that and it was a kind of chilling reminder of the risks Severus is taking.

Author's Response: Yay! I was hoping that might be exciting for one or two people :) I couldn't believe I was able to get the next one out that fast. Credit has to be given to my amazing husband who watched our toddler when I was on a roll and wanted to keep going.

Writing Severus is just so fun. It's like I'm able to voice the few frustrations I have with the series through him :) I mean, JKR is totally the most awesome of the awesome, but I really get sick of Harry sometimes and don't even get me started on Ron (though I always forget book Ron isn't nearly as dumb as movie Ron). Some of his actions are definitely weird once in a while in canon, so it's always interesting for me to try and get in his head and think of a good reason why he does stuff.

I wish I had magic to instantly appease my toddler sometimes. There's no way I could ever bring him to a real meeting like that. But then again, he's always better for his dad, so maybe with magic this scene *might* be realistic? :D Writing about kids is so nice. They always do what you want them to do.

Having a little leverage over another Death Eater can never hurt. Selwyn's turning out to be an interesting guy in his own right in my mind. I started out with him just being kind of a generic jerk to have someone give Severus a hard time, but now he's evolving into something slightly different. All I can say is, Severus is going to be very grateful for having the advantage over him later on in the year.

I'm glad you liked that ending. It just sort of came to me. I knew a while back this would be a chapter where he was getting life insurance, but I decided to end with that at the last minute. I think the risks Severus took was one of the scariest parts of the books, once you knew what was going on. Then in the end when it almost ended up being all for nothing... *SOB!* I don't even know what must have been going through his mind when he thought he was going to die without fulfilling his job to Dumbledore of passing all the information on to Harry. That whole book was just so sad :(

Thank you for the review! They're always just so so SO appreciated!! ~Renny


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Review #47, by ogmistress Chapter Nine - Avrille

14th March 2013:
Oh this was great. I was trying to figure what Avrille figured out before I read on so I read the passage a couple of times.but I couldn't get it. (cause i am not a mom yet maybe) That kind of scared me a little that situation but didn't detered me. =)
This was a lovely chapter...I might be saying this because I ran out of things to read today and this was very refreshing.
Also I had feeling when you mentioned the M on the envolope that the letter was from Mrs. Malfoy. Oh i can't wait to read what happens at tea time...if it happens.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, I think it's one of those things you don't really know about until you experience it yourself. After I had my baby, suddenly everyone said, "Oh yeah, that time of night is totally hell on earth. It's normal." It's hard to feel that way when you're in a postpartum hormone crash, so I'm glad Lavinia had Avrille to tell her she wasn't going insane. Um, even though they're all fictional. I totally know that ;) For the record, I think the first few days with a newborn is just as scary as being attacked by Death Eaters. The level of responsibility suddenly thrust on you is paralyzing.

Tea time will happen, I just need to wrap up the next Severus chappie first. Narcissa won't have a huge role in the story, but the small roll she's playing will be very important later because she's a mom too, just like in the books. I'm going to be taking the epilogue into very slight AU territory, but Narcissa will still have a pivotal role. Thanks so much for the review! I'll do my best to get the next chapter up before the end of the month! ~Renny


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Review #48, by Ardeith Chapter Nine - Avrille

13th March 2013:
Nice chapter. It is so obvious that you've had a baby! You've so perfectly captured new mothers/experienced mothers here. I remember when my daughter was a baby I would passionately wish for her to go to sleep then just as passionately wish for her to wake up because I missed her! Also, remember the first time I slept for 5 consecutive hours and I felt so good and thought "I can do this after all."

Anyway, I can't wait to read of Avrille's meeting with Narcissa Malfoy. It will be interesting to see how they like each other and how Avrille deals with her own opportunity to be a double agent.

This was a great insight into Sev's spying: "I was constantly in awe of the staggering amounts of information he must always be mentally sorting through spying for the Order, perpetually at risk of falling to pieces like the block buildings Char had just thrown once more to the floor." Though not precisely a missing moment, it's something I'm glad you are exploring here.

Author's Response: Thanks! I thought that might be one that the fellow moms would appreciate (and hopefully not bore/scare the ones who don't have kids). It's great to know that you're a mom, too :D I always have this weird picture in my mind that all my readers are 16 year old girls. Getting that first big chunk of sleep is amazing... then once they sleep through the night for good: heaven!! I don't think I could go back to the up every two hours thing again at the moment. I really felt so bad for Lavinia when I was writing this. I'm waiting for some of my close friends to have babies themselves so I can be "Avrille" for them.

I hope the Narcissa chapter comes out ok. I'm trying to really push to get these next couple chapters out of the way because I'm about to get to stuff I'm really excited about. Lots of danger and drama :) Not that the next chapters aren't important, but they're more ones that are setting the stage for things down the road.

Writing Severus is legitimately hard sometimes, for the reason in that quote you picked. I'm always having to check the books to figure out what he knew at what time, and who knew what about him. JKR's notes to herself must have been insane. But that's what makes him so interesting to write about, especially in the later books when his motivations seemed really dark to everyone in the series except Dumbledore, who was kind of dead. Thanks so much for the review! I've set a deadline for the end of the month for the next chapter. I need to really make progress or I'll be writing this for years to come. Thanks again! ~Renny


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Review #49, by ogmistress Chapter Eight - Severus

18th February 2013:
I have a cousin that will be turning 2 in April. I currently babysit her. I only have her a couple of hours a day and I get stressed out. *sigh*

Patiently waiting for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Yeah, two is a really stressful age but I think any age is stressful if it's your own kid 24/7. Thanks for understanding :)

Feelings pretty good at the moment, so I'm going to go try and write something! Thank you as always for your review and patience! ~Renny


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Review #50, by Ardeith Chapter Eight - Severus

29th January 2013:
Yay! You're back...and with such a great chapter! And I'm the first to review.

I love Severus' voice as always. Here is a favorite quote: "The sharp staccato of Minerva’s bony applause combined with a further thinning of her mouth belied she was currently feeling any pleasure beyond that experienced when having an eruptive skin boil removed. "

And your depiction of Umbridge is masterful and exactly right, down to the little details. I loved her pink pad of paper that she was hiding so no one could read her notes.

I loved the part about the prefects nominations again down to the little details -- Flitwick using Charms to hand over his names. :-) One thing I love about this story is how you write "missing moments" from canon.how you explain Snape's rationale for choosing Draco as prefect is perfectly logical, in character and a fit with canon.

You mention the forums and beta-ing... I have a question. I have tried to sign up for the forums, but it won't take my personal email address (gmail). I don't want to use a more official one. If there are other free services the forum takes, will you let me know? I could create a new email...

Author's Response: Here I am! I know. Finally. It's insane how long it took me to finish the last 10% of this chapter. Thank you for being so patient and obviously checking back once in a while to see if I'd updated.

I always find Severus easier to write than Avrille, which constantly amuses me since I feel it should be the other way around. He's just so deceptively passionate, whether towards his wife or about his work, that writing him is really enjoyable.

Umbridge on the other hand... *shudder* She won't be playing an enormous part in this story, but I definitely felt I needed to show how her presence at Hogwarts affects Severus (and Avrille by proxy) as negatively as it affected Harry in canon since both consider Hogwarts to be their home. I'm glad to hear her characterization is on track for the moment.

Missing moments are kind of a favorite of mine. With Severus in particular, I like to try to think of reasons to better explain some of his behavior in canon that never sat well with me. I never liked the idea that he let Draco buy his way onto the Quidditch team as well as not liking the idea of Draco being made a prefect simply because Snape felt some weird urge to "balance out" the fact the Gryffindor prefects were two of the trio (and two of his least favorite students).

I think I had a similar issue with The Dark Arts (the sister graphics forum) when trying to register with gmail too. If I remember correctly, I used my Facebook e-mail (that I never use) and that one worked, then changed it back to my gmail once I was registered. It seems they don't accept gmail for regeristering because of spam issues. Maybe if you have Facebook you can try that instead. If not, try some of the help links either here on HPFF or on the forums page and see if a staff-member can help you out. We can't give out personal info on the site or else I'd just give you my e-mail to help troubleshoot with you. But the staff here are all awesome and great about answering questions, no matter how small. If you ever have the urge to check out The Golden Snitches forum, unaffiliated with these sites but still with many awesome HPFF authors, I'm on there as well with the same screen name and pretty sure they take gmail. Good luck! Thanks so much again for the review! ~Renny


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