Reading Reviews for The Dream of One Night
  
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Review #26, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Twenty-One - Avrille

23rd January 2015:
Perfection.

You have turned my mind into jelly and I don't know what else to say and I had a lot to say originally.

Just pure perfection.

A wonderful kiss. Great imagery and conversation but more. There was just something magical about it and yet---completely normal. It just fit them perfectly.

Man, I wish Severus's existed today. I love my boyfriend and everything but Severus makes me swoon.

I feel giddy with excitement and naturally I know it won't last long.

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! That chapter was obviously one of my top favorites. It took me a really, really long time to write (as in, get to that part of the story) even though I wrote this story very out of order. So when I got to where they finally kissed for real, I was pretty excited. Ok, I might have been fist-pumping the air and squealing. I'm going to hope that most writers kind of love their own characters and do that sort of thing, and that I don't sound like a huge loser.

I remember that chapter being one that I wrote in almost one continuous binge and completed at 4am, and it all just sort of seemed to work. I don't think I started it out thinking, "Ok, they're going to have this totally rockin' snowball fight" or whatever. So maybe that's where some of the normality and spontaneity came from. Who knows. That was a REALLY long time ago now. I'm just glad you liked it!

Sigh, don't we all wish there were Severus's out there. My husband is pretty damn awesome too, but I don't think I could ever get him into a waistcoat. ;) Thank you, thank you for the review! ~Renny


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Review #27, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Twenty - Severus

22nd January 2015:
Her life had been so dark and wretched that I had wanted at least in death for her to always be free under the trees and sky.

^ That was the sweetest part about this chapter. I thought the focus would be on his mother but when it shifted to his father I wasn't mad.

Of course his father is disgusting and their relationship was horrid but it was intriguing. Does that make me a bad person? Haha. You threw me a curve ball at the end.

A Death Wish.

So that would be part of the reason Severus wouldn't want to be with Avrille. He couldn't? But even though they aren't together but both in love with each other is the Death Wish effecting them now? Their lives are morbid and dark. I don't see happiness lighting up their lives. It's like they're meant to be together but it's like that quote, "The path of true love never did run smooth," or however it goes.

Man, Severus and Avrille can't catch a break.

Author's Response: *sniff* Severus's mom *sniff* You know, I'm always partly miffed that my story isn't 100% canon, despite the fact that I can't imagine a 100% canon Severus falling in love with anyone after Lily, but then I remember how much I liked making my own back-story for him. It kind of separates him from the book Snape and lets me feel more comfortable about some of the slight liberties I took with his character (*ahem* better hygiene anyone??) I really had a lot of fun making up the characters of rich, naive Charlotte and social-climbing, alcoholic Septimus. I was a little bummed I didn't get to focus a whole lot on Severus's mum, but I made up for that with a chapter in the sequel that I really, really like.

I think Severus's relationship with his father is definitely intriguing. I mean, he obviously looks down on his father for so many things, but then Severus isn't a completely innocent angel right before his father's death, either. I guess that's his mother's influence, maybe? She was strong enough to keep him from growing up to be a complete sociopath, but couldn't afford the extra energy to teach him not to follow after a scumbag evil wizard with world domination goals.

But yes, sorry, rambling there. The Death Wish. I was so, SO happy when you came back to read this story, just for this one chapter. I remember having a little back and forth with you about Severus's apparent hang-ups over the ladies, and me wanting to explain that it isn't necessarily his inexperience that makes him want to push Avrille away. So then I was a tad disappointed when you sort of faded away cause I was all like, "ACK! She was ALMOST THERE!" LOL. But now you know. You know, I never even had the idea of the Death Wish affecting Avrille and Severus day to day, like general bad luck. That's an interesting thought. I just had it very tied up to the physical act it referred to and procreation. Avrille and Severus's crossed stars I'm going to attribute to the general suckiness of trying to have a decent life in the wizarding world around the time of the wars.

Glad you got to this chapter, and so glad you surpassed it to the very end! Thank you for the review! ~Renny


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Review #28, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Nineteen - Avrille

22nd January 2015:
He might try to kiss a lamppost when drunk, for all I knew.

^ Haven't we all. I mean...HAHA.

After reading Avrille's chapter more about the previous ones has come back to me. I understand her inner troubles. Should she or shouldn't she? It would be quite scandalous once it got out, wouldn't it? Plus it would be dangerous for the both of them.

Plus, love in the Harry Potter universe doesn't exactly prevail.

Author's Response: Hi again, Deeds! Sorry it took me a little while to get back to reply (if you even noticed!) You know, I thought life was crazy with a toddler. That's nothing compared to life with a preschooler who neither naps nor attends actual preschool. I'm glad I got these novel-lengths finished last year. But I digress... greatly.

Whenever I feel sad about the current state of the world, I don't think about the Arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. I think about Severus drunk. Or really laughing, like cracking-up-laughing and being legitimately happy. It's impossible for me not to smile thinking about that. I don't know, the simple idea I had of him being super drunk and just as uptight, but now falling over and uptight, struck me as really funny. Now we all know it takes more than a little booze to make him loosen up. It takes... well, ahem.

I really wanted to make Severus's and Avrille's relationship to be kind of realistic in that it isn't this super easy thing to just start dating your boss in the real world (uh, at least I imagine. I have zero personal experience with that). I didn't want it to be the sort of story where the charmingly inexperienced girl just falls all over herself and the older man thinks it's all oh-so-adorable and they end up together in five minutes. I wanted it to be a real struggle for both of them. Severus has some SERIOUS baggage, that you now know about from the next chapter, and Avrille has a huge risk. Hmm, does she risk her whole career for the chance of love? Hmmm...

Thanks for the review! I'm going to try and get all the replies done this week! ~Renny


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Review #29, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Eighteen - Severus

22nd January 2015:
Oh Severus! I kept thinking today, 'There was a story I used to read that I LOVED but I couldn't remember what it was. I was searching and searching and then I looked through my favorites list and checked every single person's story until I got to yours! Oh Avrille, oh Severus!

I thought I finished the first story but I guess not. It was such a long time ago too but I said I would stop at the last chapter I didn't review and it seems it is this one. I don't know if you're still around but I still remember you and our chats.

It has been hard to get back into the groove of HPPF and reviewing so sorry my reviews won't be as coherent as before.

I think what really resonated with me was this part:

It aggravated me beyond explanation to be teaching Luciusís son at a time when everyone knew the Dark Lord was trying to find a way to come back to life. These past two years, I had been forced to tread lightly around Draco, betraying nothing inappropriate that could lead Lucius to believe his former Death Eater companion had been secretly aiding Professor Dumbledore during those vital months before the Dark Lordís downfall.

^ I never thought about it like this before. I wonder if Severus ever worried about Lucius and Draco. I felt like he had some sort of connection to Draco before he became a Death Eater. Obviously Severus was someone we didn't know fully about until to the very end but he was ultimately a protector. He protected his students (even if he didn't like them too much) and he of course was out to protect himself.

And the ending! Severus you old dog, tell the woman you love her. Although I know it is not the right time. She's too fragile and Severus is losing focus. To reveal he loves her would put him in danger I think.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, Deeds! Wow, I am just so honored you came back to my humble "little" story. This is really, really weird cause I'm pretty sure I was just thinking of you last night (ok, I know that sounds insanely creepy, like stalker-ish creepy, but it's true!) I *think* you were the one who wrote a Dudley one-shot called "Pig" or something like that? If that's not you, then ignore me, but if it was, that's crazy cause I'm re-reading "Philosopher's Stone" and now every time I read about Dudley being a pig or whatever in the books, I think of that one shot, and I stumbled across the "pig in a wig" line in the book last night. The one-shot was really good, as I remember.

Anyway... HI!! Trying to not sound pathetically, desperately happy, but I was pretty much like HOLY %$#@ when I randomly checked the account and saw I had 22 new reviews. I usually check in like once every few weeks just in case and might have one new review every couple months or so (which I'm so grateful for!), so this was like bloody Christmas. I think I'll probably be a glutton and blow through reading them then come back and reply more coherently. I'm also just so glad it's YOU! I remember you too and being kind of bummed you didn't get to finish the story since you were such an amazing reviewer, but of course I understood because I've done the exact same thing. There are still a couple stories I swear I'll finish someday, even though I rarely read fics anymore.

So for this reply, I always liked writing Severus's parts because he just THINKS so much. He considers every single possible angle of everything, and it was kind of an interesting challenge to have to do the same thing myself with the books. Even now I sometimes re-read them and stumble onto something I never considered before. So yeah, I do think Severus would have been a little paranoid about Draco, even though it would have annoyed him to have to worry about an eleven year old reporting on him. Kind of like the Nazi youth or something, right? It was probably in Severus's best interest to kind of suck up to the kid and make himself his favorite teacher. Puts sort of a new slant on things, that maybe Draco wasn't Severus's favorite student, just the most dangerous one to him.

Aw, and the ending. Yeah, I kind of liked that. I went back a while ago and changed a couple things here or there before that part, to make sure Severus almost used the word "love" in connection with Avrille. I tried to use things more like "attraction" or "partiality." I wanted the first time that he realized that he actually LOVED her to be kind of a big deal. I think it was always there, but his rational personality wouldn't let him see it.

So, thanks about a million times for the reviews. Really, really looking forward to binging on--ahem, I mean READING them. I'll definitely reply, though it might take me a while! ~Renny


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Review #30, by Aednat Majere Chapter Three - Avrille

26th May 2014:
Normally I would think it telling that a fanfic author decide to begjn their story with one of the most annoying characters in their chosen Fandom, but you still seem to be doing well. Again, sorry to sound so...wary, but after reading the fanfic where Dobby does Hagrid while Snape does Harry, I'm sure you would be too.

Some authors just write to make others puke.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the overdue review reply! I was moving out of state this week, so things have been very crazy. Hmm, I'm guessing you're referencing Lockhart here? I totally agree he's one of the most irritating characters in Harry Potter, and maybe even ever written. He's really just that bad. But, it's what makes him so bad and annoying that makes him a *good* character, actually, since he elicits such strong feelings from us :) I can't remember now, having started this story over 10 years ago, but I might have set this story in the Chamber of Secrets year just to have the chance to include Lockhart. He's so deliciously conniving.

Yeah, I imagine I'd be very wary after stumbling onto things like that. Fortunately, I ended up stumbling onto a really wonderful group of HPFF writing friends early on where I managed to avoid any true smut. I invite you to check out some of my favorited authors on this site. They're all really amazing writers. Thank you for taking the time to review! ~Renny


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Review #31, by Aednat Majere Chapter Three - Avrille

26th May 2014:
Normally I would think it telling that a fanfic author decide to begjn their story with one of the most annoying characters in their chosen Fandom, but you still seem to be doing well. Again, sorry to sound so...wary, but after reading the fanfic where Dobby does Hagrid while Snape does Harry, I'm sure you would be too.

Some authors just write to make others puke.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the overdue review reply! I was moving out of state this week, so things have been very crazy. Hmm, I'm guessing you're referencing Lockhart here? I totally agree he's one of the most irritating characters in Harry Potter, and maybe even ever written. He's really just that bad. But, it's what makes him so bad and annoying that makes him a *good* character, actually, since he elicits such strong feelings from us :) I can't remember now, having started this story over 10 years ago, but I might have set this story in the Chamber of Secrets year just to have the chance to include Lockhart. He's so deliciously conniving.

Yeah, I imagine I'd be very wary after stumbling onto things like that. Fortunately, I ended up stumbling onto a really wonderful group of HPFF writing friends early on where I managed to avoid any true smut. I invite you to check out some of my favorited authors on this site. They're all really amazing writers. Thank you for taking the time to review! ~Renny


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Review #32, by Aednat Majere Chapter One - Avrille

26th May 2014:
Actually, Snape was 21 whsn he met Harry at Hogwarts and 28 when he diied so...basically they're the same age. Arville would probably be around 18-20 though, given that wizards/witches graduate at 17, assuming that all wizarding school are similar to Hogwarts in this respect.

Anyways, pretty good chapter. Seems like you actually have some brains and can write utilizing a fairly advanced vocabulary, which is more than can be said for most fanfic authors. 8/10. (Snape seemed a bit too nice, and I'm no fan of love at first sight, if that's your explanation.) :)

Author's Response: Hi! I'm going to have to actually respectfully disagree with your dates. According to canon, Snape was born in 1960, so he was actually 32 in "The Chamber of Secrets," the book in which my story takes place in 1992 (According to Sir Nicholas's Deathday Cake dates). I wrote this story before we had all of the canon dates from JKR, so I estimated his birthday and ended up being a year off. I decided to keep my own dates because it was too much of a hassle to re-work my timeline. Avrille is twenty-four in this story. Witches and Wizards usually graduate Hogwarts when they are 18, not 17. They usually turn 17 in their sixth year (hence why Hermione and Ron could take lessons to Apparate in HBP). I have Avrille being 24 because she was a double major in the graduate school I made up, and therefore took twice as long to graduate (six years instead of three). I wanted to "age" her up a bit so a pairing in the story wouldn't be too off-putting.

Thank you for your compliments in the rest of the review. I wrote this chapter almost ten years ago, so I personally believe my own writing has improved substantially since this, even later in this same story. I hope you keep reading so that becomes even more evident. As for the explanation of Snape being too nice, you have to remember that the only times we saw him, more or less, in the books was when he was around Harry, whom he hated. I believe he would act much differently around other academic adults in a professional setting. And no, I don't think it's love at first sight. More interest at first sight. With Snape it's a little more because, well, he's a man. Thank you for the review! I hope you keep reading! ~Renny


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Review #33, by Pen and Pixels Chapter One - Avrille

24th May 2014:
You know how you sometimes get cravings to read a story again and again, even after you finished it over a year ago? This story does that for me. I think I've read it three or four times all the way through. And I always read it on fanfiction so I had to trudge through dozens of stories to find the right one, haha.

I'm a huge Snape fan, so anyone who can do a really great fiction about that instantly has my attention. But the OC lead for this story is well thought out, beautifully written, and a unique character with a believable personality. I love Avrille almost as much as I love Snape!

Also, I wish I could have whole books written about the life of students who decide to continue their education after Hogwarts. I love when you talked about RATs. Does that make me a nerd?

So, in short, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Renfair for this wonderful journey. I just finished the last chapter of the sequel, and I have to admit I teared up. I'll miss their biting remarks, fiery personalities, and beautiful love.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm sorry it took me a few days to reply to it. We're packing to move out of state so it's been a little crazy at my house :) I'm honored when someone makes it to the end of one of these stories once, so several time is just like, "WOW! I did something right!" As I'm sure you might have guessed by now, I'm a huge Snape fan too. Basically I don't really consider myself a fan fiction writer, per se, but a Snape-fiction writer. This story (and the next one) were really the only fan fics I ever just HAD to write. Anything else on my author page was me trying to branch out a bit :D I also wish there were stories about the students after school. The only thing about JKR's world that I just could not believe was when she said there was no higher education than Hogwarts. It just seemed a little unrealistic that someone could potentially come back to teach at Hogwarts right after graduating without any sort of university-like degree. So... yeah, that's why I wrote my own story! I don't think you're a nerd at all! I know I appreciate it when authors think of little details that really flesh out a story, so I always did my best to do the same thing.

So thank YOU for your wonderful review! Knowing my writing has brought such enjoyment to people is really the best thing ever. I'll admit that I also teared up a bit writing the last chapter of the sequel, since it was such a long road for me to get there. I'm going to miss these guys too, but I'm also excited to get back to original fiction. Thanks so much again! ~Renny


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Review #34, by Shan Epilogue - Avrille

21st April 2014:
Really loved this story! :) Spent a good couple of hours reading it. I love reading stories so in depth like yours, it feels like i was reading an original story and not just fan fiction; so i hope you feel incredibly proud of your work! Not much else to say except i loved it very much! Haha!

From - whatabeautifulsurrender.tumblr (If you want to reply)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your compliments and review! Yes, I'm definitely proud of this story, and even more so of the sequel to it I'm wrapping up. If anything, it was great practice for my original fiction I'll be embarking on very soon. It was a ton of work, so I'm glad that came across in the writing. Thanks so much again! ~Renny

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Review #35, by MercuryMadHatter Epilogue - Avrille

14th February 2014:
I know this story has been out for a while now, but it's always been a favorite of mine. I never reviewed when I first read it, so I am now. I reread this story many times, I love it that much. You've done a fantastic job with it. You should fuel your writing, practice a bit, and publish your own story. I'd certainly buy it.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! It's always an honor when someone reads until the end of the story and reviews, let alone re-read it several times. Publishing someday is definitely the plan. I've had a lot of fun and practice over the past 10-odd years with this story and its sequel, but it's definitely time to move on. I'm trying to wrap up the sequel in the next couple months, then it's original fiction time! Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging words. They really mean so much to me. ~Renny

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Review #36, by Sebastian07 Chapter Four - Severus

2nd May 2013:
The monotony was a little yawning in this chapter with the dull tours, etc, but Good job in pulling in things from the books, i.e. the entire Slytherin team getting new brooms:) thanks again!

Author's Response: Yeah, I know :) I wrote some parts of this story bordering on ten years ago now (yikes!), so given the chance to do some parts over, I might have changed things with regards to pacing or whatever. Basically I felt this chapter was important because I wanted to really explain what Avrille's duties would be. I didn't know this at the time, having not read any fan fiction before publishing this completed story online, but I guess some "apprentice" stories sort of plop the person in there without really explaining WHY they're there. At least, that's what I was told. So I'd rather err slightly on the side of boring and be more accurate than leave a reader going, "Um, ok. She's an apprentice, but does she actually do any WORK?" Hopefully you'll find the next couple chapters return to the sort of thing you were enjoying reading. I'll admit there's a couple parts here or there in the first ten or so chapters I might have done differently now, but I've sworn to move ON from that story and focus my attention on new writing. Thank you so much for the review! ~Renny

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Review #37, by Sebastian07 Chapter Three - Avrille

2nd May 2013:
Once again, another splendid read. You are such a talented writer, providing such fanciful illustrations that one cannot but help be sucked in to this creative world. The vocabulary and flow is nothing short of an accomplished, published author, and you capture Hogwarts, and each and all of the characters' personalities to the perfect T. I was expecting the famous Professor Trelawney, but I will await her arrival nevertheless! On a side note, why did you delete Yule Ball in substitute for Solstice Ball?

Author's Response: Aw, thanks a bunch! Of course I wrote all of this years ago now, but I had a lot of fun doing it and especially from an outsider's point of view. I didn't include Professor Trelawney since the books seemed to imply it was incredibly rare for her to join any of the staff for meals. She doesn't actually make a personal appearance in this story, now that I think about it, but she pops up in the next one.

That's an interesting question :) I did actually have it as the Yule Ball originally, but a few readers pointed out that the Yule Ball was only held during the Tri-wizard Tournament. Since this takes place in book two, that wouldn't have happened. I had known that, but didn't think it was a huge deal. Since other people seemed to be even more canon-conscious than me, I decided to change it to a "solstice ball." Basically I just needed some sort of formal event around that time of year to suit my purposes. So there you are!

Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! ~Renny


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Review #38, by Sebastian07 Chapter Two - Severus

1st May 2013:
Curiosity indeed! Thank you for another wonderful installment!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad I piqued your interest. Thank you for the review and sorry again for the late-ish reply :) ~Renny

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Review #39, by Sebastian07 Chapter One - Avrille

1st May 2013:
Absolutely splendid. Saw the sequel recently updated, was intrigued, so I jumped back to start here. I do not typically, in fact I have never read a Harry Potter fanfiction not centered on the Boy-Who-Lived himself, but I can say that I am most delighted that I gave this a shot. I can see already that this is going to be an amazing story. Thank you!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry I'm a few days late in replying. I usually only check the reviews for the sequel since this one's been up for so long. Oops! I'm glad you like it so far. I'm a very funny fan in that I never actually liked Harry very much. I respected all his sacrifices, but getting into the series as a grown-up, I liked the professors more :) I'll get back here to reply to your other reviews as soon as I can (thank you thank you for them!) It's dinner time for me now, but just wanted to let you know I saw them! ~Renny

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Review #40, by Jess Epilogue - Avrille

24th September 2012:
A wonderful story to read, I really enjoyed it :) can't wait to read more about Avrille and Severus :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm really happy you enjoyed it. I hope you liked it enough to continue on with the sequel I'm currently (slowly) writing and posting. Thank you for taking the time to review! It means a ton to me. ~Renny

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Review #41, by Becki Epilogue - Avrille

15th September 2012:
Awww! I read the whole story and it was brilliant! I loved the canon (mainly) and that Severus is finally happy :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yes, I was really annoyed when HBP came out and thought, "Well, there goes my 100% canon story..." but oh well. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I thought Severus deserved to be happy as well. Thank you for leaving a review and letting me know you liked it! ~Renny

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Review #42, by mimi Chapter Thirteen - Avrille

21st August 2012:
no way how could he do that urgh n i'm a fan of Lucius now i.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm trying to clear out all of my old unanswered reviews, so you'll probably never read this, but I wanted to tie up loose ends on the site. If for some reason you ever read this, I apologize profusely for the insane delay. ~Renny

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Review #43, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Seventeen - Avrille

11th August 2012:
What I wouldn't I have given to dance with him for just one more slow song. I had felt so safe and content as he held me. I felt like crying knowing that there would be no other excuse for contact like that again.

^ And then the overthinking begins. Just how plenty girls used to spend the night and morning after from a dance, contemplating conversations with boys and trying to figure them out.

Well, stumbled up would be more accurate for he had to grip the table and almost fell back into his seat, making me realize that he was, in fact, very drunk.

Severus drunk. Interesting. Very interesting. There were so many parts I enjoyed about this chapter that I kind of got lost as I was reading and forgot to copy and paste the parts. All well! I liked that she was the one to ask him to meet her. She made the initial move and he made the next move by grabbing her hand and then nearly kissing her. It would have been fantastic to see that happen but the suspense you're building is wonderful. It isn't time for them just yet.

The Christmas Holiday is when I think it will happen. I can see the two of them just getting lost with eachother for just one night and letting their inhibitions free. I can also see Severus apologizing for some reason for it.

I ran toward him, but he held up a hand in a motion for me to stay away.

^ I read the dream part twice and I'm wondering if this has a connection to anything. I know because of the duel that it would have to be the snake or the basilisk but I think that's a stretch. I just wonder if she's a seer or something remotely close to that? Like her nightmares are trying to tell her something. I don't know. I'm probably wrong and reading too much into it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you got to this chapter because it was one of my favorites to write. I did originally have him kiss her here, but then decided to change it. I didn't want their first kiss to be because he was under the influence of something. It seemed wrong somehow, plus it's fun to drag these things out and torture readers. Mwa ha ha.

"Just how plenty girls used to spend the night and morning after from a dance, contemplating conversations with boys and trying to figure them out." --Yes! And the boys just roll over and go to sleep instantly, not realizing what the girls said might actually mean something different!

I was always interested in the idea of Severus being drunk. It seems like something he would NEVER do because he would consider letting a substance influence your mind and body to be a huge weakness. But in this situation he probably thought, "I'll just have one to take the edge off," then, "It's not working. One more won't hurt," followed by "Madam Rosmerta just happens to be here. If two didn't bother me, three can't be bad, right? I have time to kill," then it all hits his system at once and he's ready to hit the floor.

Not going to comment on your last few thoughts there. That probably says enough in itself. I'm sure you must be crazy busy, probably doing NaNo again because you're super-lady and reading tons of stories (jealous! Wish I had the uninterrupted time!) so I really appreciate you taking the time to read some more and let me know your thoughts :) From what you've said in previous reviews, I really think you're going to like the next few chapters a lot. Lots of questions of yours will be answered, as well as probably raising a few new ones. It's also the turning point in the story where more stuff starts actually happening, and not just this start and stop "Does he like me, or doesn't he?" type thing. All of that is important to lay the groundwork for the rest of the plot, but this upcoming material is what I'm really proud of. Thanks again! Take care!
~Renny


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Review #44, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Sixteen - Severus

11th August 2012:
Penelope Clearwater, a Ravenclaw prefect, was chasing Weasley back and forth with a glass of water, trying to make him drink something.

Hello! I'm back. I needed something to cheer me up and have spent the last twenty minutes opening and closing various stories until finally stumbling on yours and sticking with it. I really like the above part because you mention the other main characters, Harry, Ron, Hermione. Even though the story is Severus/Avrille, Harry still makes a big impact on the storyline because of Voldemort and the Death Eater's and Lily (even though Severus wasn't in love with her). I love minor characters. Percy and Penelope are two of my favorites and it made me chuckle to see her running after him.

Her exquisiteness making a mute of me, we sat silently together for the next few minutes.

I have to hand it to Severus. He's almost poetic with his thoughts about her. It could be considered a little excessive but I feel like that's who his character is. He never goes into anything if heís not going to commit to it all the way. I mean, he was a Death Eater and people could say that he 'quit' being a Death Eater the moment Lily and James were killed but I feel like even when he became a spy for Dumbledore he was still a Death Eater. He tried to live up to their persona and he did really still believe in some of the aspects. In reality he probably would have still been on Voldemort's side if Lily hadn't died. It could have been Neville's parents and he wouldnít have even blinked in my opinion.

Just like they all expected, I would spend the entire evening sitting here in the corner, much like what probably would have happened if I had ever bothered to attend one of these as a student myself.

^ Aw. Severus. He's like a man-child at times. Always clinging to past memories making the present just as bleak because he can't let it go.

If I could only gather the courage to ask; there was even a decent chance she would say yes.

"Well, we don't meet much outside of school," I commented.

^ Haha! They act like teenagers. Oh, they amuse me so. This was just how it was when I was in high school. I remember it well. Sitting there, waiting for someone to ask me to dance and then dancing with them, not wanting to look into their eyes and then smiling like a fool. The line "Well, we don't meet much outside of school," oh I've heard that one numerous times! I suppose because they're nervous and haven't really 'been' with a slew of other people they donít how to flirt age appropriately with each other. I also think it's fitting because it's a school dance that they're in and they're surrounded with teenagers who are acting the same way. They're going to 'learn' a few things from them or at least mirror their actions. It's not like he could really sweep her off of her feet right there anyway.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you're back! You definitely have a knack for coming back to review when I really, really need it. My kid's pretty sick right now and I'm super stressed out, so I did a quick review check on the slight off-chance someone had read lately and it turns out you did today! So thanks a bunch for the instant cheer up, and hopefully my story helped cheer you up on your end :) I always found this chapter pretty funny with the teenage awkwardness abound, like you pointed out.

I like throwing references to random canon characters in there every once in a while. Obviously the story is about the professors and not the students, but I still think it's important to be reminded, "Oh yeah! This is the year with Penelope and Percy!" and things like that. I've always had a lot of fun fleshing out characters like Prof. Sinistra who are technically canon, but we don't know anything about them. Being that this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I tried to create as few OCs as possible.

You really seem to know exactly how I view Severus myself. Even before we knew about his true canon motivations for protecting Harry, I always felt he was a very deep person with very little of his true feelings visible on the outside. So yes, for most other characters his obsession with Avrille could seem over the top, but like you said he commits all the way when he decides to do or feel something. I think you're definitely right about him remaining a Death Eater if Lily hadn't been killed, especially since I have his mother dying a few months before he finds out Lily is being hunted. With her death went the only positive influence in his life besides the teachers at Hogwarts (but of course he hadn't been hired there yet so they weren't part of his life right then any more). I think deep down he would have felt what he was doing was wrong, but wouldn't have cared enough about himself or other people to change until there was no going back.

Yes, my poor teenager-adults, acting just like the silly kids around them. Avrille wanted a relationship before now but was never given the chance with her girl-schools and magic problems. Severus was too interested in school work until it was too late and the option was removed for him (but more on that in a couple chapters :D) I'm sure they'd both love to just go at it right there in the middle of the Great Hall, but you brought up an excellent point that it's kind of hard to date someone you're not supposed to when surrounded by something like 250 students.

Thanks again for the reviews. They really helped me calm down and focus on something else besides being worried about my son. Hopefully he'll be better soon. It seems like something is always happening to get in the way of writing :(
~Renny


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Review #45, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Fifteen - Avrille

16th July 2012:
Honestly, he never smiled at anyone except me; I must have been his prime source for daily entertainment.

From the moment I read Christmas in this chapter I knew that this was going to be something light and airy. I just finished the entire chapter instead of reviewing as I read along so I have to say I love all the interactions you put in here. It really felt like they had some of the Christmas spirit inside of them, especially Severus.

There was something so kind and loose about him in this chapter that I just adored.

Just as our gazes met, the bell sounded to signal the end of the period. Severus quickly dropped his hands from me, and I reluctantly did the same.

Darn you, bell!

At that moment we both reached for the same fang, and our hands touched. I pulled mine away quickly with a nervous laugh

"So... will you come?" he asked tentatively.

"Are you asking me?" I replied teasingly.


They're like teenagers! Every time something almost happened between them, a look shared, a smile, hands touching my heart started to race in my chest. I knew nothing was going to happen because itís too early but honestly, they're acting like a couple of teenagers!

I like how you had him mention the ball. It was very nonchalant on his part even though we know he has ulterior motives. He just wants to stare at her all night. He's like a hormonal teenage boy in a grown man's body.

I ate a delicious ham sandwich, while Hagrid ate a whole ham.

^ That line made me giggle.

This entire chapter made a huge smile appear on my face. Their relationship does that to me though. Little by little Severus lets his guard down around her and I'm just thrilled by that because he has so many layers and you peel/examine them very nicely.

I was surprised that Avrille didn't go to Severus and tell him about Hermione. I know she wouldn't want to hurt her schooling career and she sees the way Severus treats Hermione/Ron/Harry/Neville so it makes sense why she didn't say anything. I think it really speaks a lot about her character. She's kind but she still has that 'hand' of a teacher. She would go to him if she does it again, no matter the consequences. I felt like she's very intuitive. It didn't take her long to figure out why Hermione had taken something. I think if she would have pushed the subject a little bit more she could have found out exactly what Hermione was up to.

I don't know if that would have been a good outcome though because then she really would have had to tell Severus about it because by making the polyjuice potion she's breaking many rules.

I kind of wish she'd say something to him though. Stick up for some of the students when he 'picks' on them. She sees how he treats them and yet just whispers quick instructions in Neville's ear to help him out. I suppose she knows it would anger and embarass Severus because no one speaks up to him. Of course they aren't really her students either so getting involved and critiquing his teaching methods (which she previously said she liked) would not be the best idea.

Are we ever going to meet her mother? You mention her from time to time and I just wonder what she's like. I wonder if she would like Severus.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked this one! :) This was actually one of the earliest chapters I wrote since I had a huge hole between the welcoming feast and here that didn't get filled in until nearly the very end. So when I see this chapter, it's kind of like where it all began in a weird way. I knew Severus and Avrille would be getting much more friendly and starting all the fun sexual tension, I just didn't know how they'd end up there ;)

I do think this is the turning point where Severus starts to loosen up a bit. Or lose control. Maybe both? Well, you'll see. It must have been exhausting for him to have kept so much bottled up inside for months with Avrille being flaunted in his face every single day. I was kind of bummed when I found out later having a ball is a bit of a cliche (since I didn't know these things when I was writing it) but there's no denying it's a good plot device to get things moving. Especially when you think of how McGonagall said they're a time to "let our hair down" (heheehehe!)

I especially love your reviews because you often make me go, "Oh WOW!" about my own characters, which is very silly (on my part). I guess I kind of just knew them well and knew what they would do without always analyzing it. For instance, how you said they were both acting like total teenagers here, which I agree with. It's probably because neither one of them has had a serious relationship, mostly because neither one was allowed to have a true childhood or carefree adolescence. I also came to the realization when reading your musings on the part with Hermione that it's likely Avrille didn't report her because she probably saw a lot of Hermione in herself. Avrille was also incredibly smart but sort of an outcast with very few friends in school, so I can definitely see her identifying with Hermione. That's also something I never really thought about consciously. So amazing job reading so closely and making me aware of these things!

But like you said, it was also a big part that Avrille knew she wasn't a licensed teacher yet, so she didn't want to step on Severus's toes in the classroom (with the added awkwardness of being totally taken with him personally). That's also why she probably wouldn't say anything about his borderline abusive treatment of some of his students. But you can bet she had something to say about it later on when she felt she had more of a right to ;) (whether or not Severus actually listened to her is a matter of debate since he's obviously still horrible to Harry and Neville later in the books, and I try to stick as close to canon as humanly possible. I like to think that he tried his best, but certain students were too infuriating for him to keep his word to Avrille.)

Avrille's mom makes some indirect appearances in later chapters (I can't really explain how because I'd have to give too much away) but she'll definitely be making a "real" appearance in the sequel. She has some very vital information to give Avrille as to why her magical powers are so crazy powerful that will need to be explained in person. I haven't written that part yet, but I'm looking forward to it because I think Avrille's mom is pretty strong and awesome for raising a strong daughter as a single parent.

Thank you so much for the review! It always really brightens up my day to get a new one from you because it seems like you're really enjoying the story. Hope July NaNo hasn't been grinding your brain into a pulp. I haven't been on the forums much lately to read people's status updates to see how everyone's surviving this insane summer of writing :) Thanks again! ~Renny


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Review #46, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Fourteen - Severus

7th July 2012:
it took every ounce of long-practised self-restraint not to go back down to the Hog's Head and force poison down Lucius' throat.

^ Oh Severus. His actions are exactly what I had expected before the last chapter. I knew he was going to do something and I don't know why I'm so surprised he had followed her so quickly.

I couldn't resist the temptation of being able to look at her whenever I wanted. Fortunately Lockhart had been photographed separately, so I had been able to take the gruesome pleasure of slicing free his picture and burning it slowly.

^ Severus knows just how to amuse me. Poor Lockhart. I wonder if he has any friends. Anyway, this softer side of Severus is nice to read. I wonder how he gets work done when he's always thinking about her, staring at her or dreaming about her.

I don't know what to say... I'm quite embarrassed, actually. I panicked. I've made this potion so many times, and I've never made that mistake before.

^ My favorite part of the chapter. Not only did they work together and complete the potion but Severus actually didn't know how to do something and didn't know what she was using to save his potion. Sometimes I forget that Severus really doesn't know all, even though he acts like he does. The fact that he admitted he was embarrassed was a nice touch. I feel like at that moment he finally let himself show, someone no one else sees because if it was anyone else I don't think he would have said it. Of course if it was anyone else he probably would not have let them help him.

Author's Response: Hi Deeds! Thanks for stopping back in. I'm guessing you're totally swamped with July NaNo right now. Didn't you just finish the June one? Are you a total writing masochist?! Haha, I'm actually in awe. I'd love to finish one of those some day, but I don't think it would be the best thing for my sanity right now. Getting out a new chapter every 2 weeks is a good enough goal for me at the moment.

Well of course he followed her right away! What exactly he was planning on doing... that's another matter entirely. Probably climb a drain pipe and peek in the window or something. Severus doesn't trust Lucius more than he can throw him (and we all know Severus is much too busy being hot and brainy to work out).

I'm sure Lockhart had some friends. Probably the sort of "I'm rich and famous and so are you, so we can associate with each other while still gossiping behind the other's back" type of friends. I originally had Severus burn out Lockhart's eyes in the picture, but decided that was a bit too creepy, however much Lockhart might deserve it.

I'm glad you liked that part at the end. It was very important to me for Severus to have someone to compliment him. He definitely doesn't know everything, and sometimes he really does do very hurtful and callous things, especially to Harry and Neville. I like to think that Avrille at least made him aware of where he needs improvement, even if maybe he doesn't actually do the right thing all the time still (there's only so much he can take of Neville melting every single cauldron he touches, for example. Poor Neville.)

Thanks so much for the review! Good luck with your writing this month! ~Renny


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Review #47, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Thirteen - Avrille

27th June 2012:
Up the stairs. First door on your right

^ I have a bad feeling about this. Run Avrille. Run.

I hated myself for thinking it of a married man, but it was impossible not to notice how handsome Lucius was with his sleek blonde hair brushed back and shining against his black wool business robes.

^ No! Stop it! Not handsome. Anything but handsome. He is a toad. I feel sick reading this.

The other governors bade me offer their sincerest apologies to you and their wish to meet you some other time

^ What a dirty liar. If she seriously believes him, I swear. I'm about to skip this chapter if things keep going down like they are right now. I'm a bit repulsed and surprised she hasn't gotten up and left yet. Come on Avrille!

All of a sudden my mind went blank, then a feeling of combined euphoria and calmness stole my senses.

No! Are you serious? I can't believe this is happening to her. How dare he! He repulses me. Horrified. Words cannot describe my disgust right now. Who does he think he is?! I was certain there was something in her drink but no, I forgot all about magic and the dark arts.

Oh Avrille...be strong.

Lucius, sending him flying across the room to crash, I hoped extremely painfully, into the wall opposite. I jumped out of my chair, raised it in my hands, and threw it after him, missing his head by about two inches as it broke into pieces. Lucius stared up at me in disbelief as I advanced upon him, his arms held up protectively. He no longer looked the least bit handsome to me, his normally sleek blonde hair now a tangled mess covering his red face. I picked up a broken chair leg and jammed it into the floor dangerously close between his drawn up knees.

I'm not ashamed to say that I jumped in my seat and did a fist pump in the air because of this. Thank goodness. I mean, I know this is going to lead to terrible consequences because heís going to realize how strong she is and then because she bruised his large ego, he's going to probably dig up some dirt about her. Realize whom her father was and then because of her magic and her strength she's going to be a threat maybe or he's going to try and recruit her for the Dark Lord. Seems like something Lucius would do.

I yelled, not quite sure if I being sarcastic or not, and flung

You're missing a word here I think...'was.'

I thought I would eventually leave Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry without ever hearing Severus call me by my first name.

^ I was just on an emotional rollercoaster. Wow. What an ending. He finally said her name and is allowing Avrille to call him Severus. It's so sweet and all the anger and disgust I was feeling through the chapter was just washed away. I think I might be in love with Severus too.

I wonder if he'll find out about what happened. I think he might. He should. He was there obviously only to see if Avrille was alright. He didn't have any other business, which was what I expected, and I'm glad he met my expectations. Severus has never been one to sit idly by. I was glad that Avrille reprimanded herself and realized how naive she was being. Sometimes I forget that she's younger than Severus. That she has lived a sheltered life and is a very proper woman. Of course she wouldn't follow her gut to leave the situation because she didnít want to be rude. I think that's a big weakness with her. Of course we all have our weaknesses but I think she needs to realize that you can't and shouldn't have to please everyone.

Author's Response: Well, only having like a couple one-minute conversations with the guy, you can't blame Avrille for still thinking he's kind of hot. Hey, I'M constantly drooling over Jason Isaacs in the movies, before remembering myself and yelling at the screen like a lunatic, "NO! ALAN RICKMAN, I LOVE YOU!" (though, of course, he's not "my" Severus...)

I know I wrote the whole thing, but I wanted to smack Avrille myself for not leaving right away. But I have to remember that even when I was younger than her, I had a much better understanding of how dangerous the world is. She spent half of her life shut away at home being taught by her mom, then the rest of the time completely surrounded by women at school. Yeah, she's not a total idiot and knew not to drink something a virtual stranger gave her, but the thought just never crossed her mind that, "Hey, I can become a victim in this situation." She just assumed being so close to Hogwarts, one of the safest places in the world, nothing like that could happen.

Oh man, I loved writing that scene where she kicks the bejeezus out of him. I guess I wanted to show that even strong women become victims sometimes, but it's up to them whether or not they stay that way. I also wanted to make sort of a contrast between her weakness here at the beginning of the story and her role as a hero (you'll see!) at the end.

Don't worry too much about Lucius. Remember first and foremost, he's a coward. He lied and bribed his way out of Azkaban instead of being the dutiful Death Eater like Bellatrix and company. That's not to say that something like that won't happen in the future to Avrille, but it will be coming from another direction (and I haven't actually written it yet. Sequel fodder!)

It's funny how when I first started writing this story, I was actually younger than Avrille, so she seemed kind of grown-up to me. Now I'm several years older than her, so looking back I see more of her immaturity than I did at the time. It's weird how your perceptions of your own characters change. She definitely has a double weakness in this situation because she's always been desperate to please to distract people from her magical difficulties, and she also honestly believed Lucius was a friend of Severus's, so she didn't want to offend Severus unintentionally by blowing off his "mate." Well, now she knows better, right? Oh, and thanks so much for catching that missing word! Yeah, it was just "was." I think I *might* have noticed that in my original document, but maybe not. I'll definitely go check.

Hmm, I don't know I have any time to get any writing done now, but it was definitely fun to sit here and "chat" with you :) You're starting to get into some of my absolute favorite chapters, so I'm dying to hear your thoughts on them. I'm hoping in the end you like the story enough to try out the sequel, but certainly not expecting it because both stories as very long and a huge time commitment. But since I'm obviously working on the sequel now (um, in theory) having the insights of insanely perceptive, amazing readers like you is truly invaluable. I really can't thank you enough for your reviews. They totally lift my spirits up to the sky! If bedtime for the munchkin goes alright tonight, I am absolutely heading over to your page to read that Dudley story finally! ~Renny


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Review #48, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Twelve - Severus

27th June 2012:
Dumbledore and I had had to act very quickly with the Aguamenti Charm to douse the pumpkins' candles before Hagrid's beard caught fire.

^ I could see that happening! Oh Hagrid.

The fact that Dumbledore had not been able to reanimate Filch's cat had unnerved all of us staff members, though very few of us would have admitted it out loud.

^ I'm so invested in the relationship of Severus and Avrille that sometimes I forget that you're following canon and that things are happening around them. For a second I did a double take and had to ask myself, what happened to Filch's cat?

I collapsed back at my desk, exhausted from the sheer effort it had taken to remain cool and composed in her close company.

He can brew complicated potions. He can join the Dark Lord. He can teach mediocre students and deal with Lockhart but when it comes to women, Severus Snape turns into a teenager. It's amazing the effect Avrille has on him! It's still lust at this point. I think a big part of his feelings, of his nervousness is the fact that Severus thinks he cannot have her. It's thrilling and exciting to so much as graze her skin or sit closer to her than he normally would because he knows nothing more will happen. For that, he reminds me of a hormonal teenage boy.

Lucius did not speak to me and did not acknowledge anyone who called to him.

^ What a child. Honestly. It's times like these that I feel bad for Draco.

Until tonight then, Avrille

^ Ugh. What a slime ball. You're making me despise Lucius and I actually like his character most of the time.

The anger and jealousy rolling off of Severus is fantastic. I like seeing him on edge. I can imagine him pacing his room back and forth wondering if he should go down to Hogsmeade and make sure nothing happens or just driving himself mad wondering what's going on but not going down because Avrille isn't anything more than a woman he has a thing for and his apprentice. Either way he's bound to do something given his reaction.

I do hope that nothing happens between Avrille and Lucius. He'll probably make a move. She'll excuse herself or make an excuse about being ill or something. I don't know. Another part of me feels like she might fall under his 'spell' if you know what I mean and then something could happen between them. I don't think she's convinced by Lucius though. I think he repulses her but I feel like she tries too hard to please people that she might accept his advances, only to a certain point of course.

Author's Response: It's hard for me to remember, having written this such a while back, but I probably had times where I forgot about canon as well. Probably going, "Oh right, I can't do that cause this, and this, and this is going to happen in the book." Forcing myself to stay within the frame work of the original book was both really helpful and also restricting sometimes. I was so mad when I read HBP and saw that my whole "Severus is a pure-blood" thing go out the window because I wanted the story to be completely seemless with canon. Oh well! I like to shoot for a good 90% at least. I've had to let a few canon things go as well in the new story since canon gets even more complicated as you go further into the series, and also introducing an OC main character is bound to change things.

You're so great at pin-pointing aspects of Severus's character. He's definitely still very much in that "crush" stage (though I feel weird using that word for a man) where you know nothing's going to happen...except that 1% of you that hopes a miracle will happen and the feelings will be reciprocated.

I really did slime up Lucius, didn't I? But honestly, next time you re-read the series, tell me if there's ANYTHING before Deathly Hallows that hints that he isn't. That's the only book where we really see him acting as a father and not a rich jerk or an evil Death Eater. Unfortunately I think a lot of times with money and power comes this sense of moral ambiguity with men. Lucius has always been giving or got for himself whatever he wanted. He's also just not a nice guy. In my mind, half of the reason he goes after Avrille is simply because he has a faint suspicion Severus might care about her and does it just cause he can.

Well, I know you already read past this chapter, so you know what happened, so I guess I'll move on as well to get these replies in before my kiddo wakes up. ~Renny


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Review #49, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Eleven - Avrille

27th June 2012:
I was mesmerized by the way the torchlight made his hair shine like black fire.

The entire chapter mesmerized me. The way you explain the making of the potion was brilliant. How do you come up with these things? I honestly can't remember in any of side books the Rowling wrote, if she discusses Wolfsbane in greater detail than that it's what Severus gives Remus to drink and they think he's trying to poison him.

I honestly always thought Potions was a bit boring. It was more Snape and Slughorn that I found to be interesting and not the actual lessons but you really managed to keep my attention! I like the small things you add in, they're what makes it really good in my opinion. I donít care about the overall end product but I like to know that they need three different types of water. That if they inhale the potion or it gets in their eyes they could go blind. It makes what they're doing dangerous and I know that it's going to come out fine in the end but there's that nervous tinkling inside of me. That feeling of, 'What if something goes wrong?' That makes me sit at the edge of my seat, biting my nails because I worry that you're going to throw a curveball at me.

You always manage to keep me guessing.

Author's Response: Yes, black fire because MY SEVERUS SHOWERS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Ahem. Sorry. Needed to make that clear ;) I have no problem with canon Severus letting himself go since his life pretty much ended when he was 22 or so with Lily's murder, but you can be darn skippy straight my Severus started spiffing up a bit, maybe unintentionally, once Avrille appeared on the scene.

I had a kind of love/hate relationship with Potions reading the books. I mean, a lot of them just seem stupid. Like a Hair-Raising Potion? What the heck is that supposed to be used for? And I half liked the random weird ingredients like newt eyes because it reminds me of Macbeth, but then a lot of it seems to just be gross for no real purpose than to be gross. So for mine, I wanted to find a way that would make the Wolfsbane Potion seem very complicated, since Lupin himself said not many people could make it, but also have it make sense. Most of the herbs I used are actually just the folk names of common things like St. John's Wort to make them more "magical" sounding. I fortunately happened to have a Wiccan book of magical herbs that I referenced and picked out ones that supposed to have effects like clearing the mind or protection from wild animals. Random interesting fact you probably don't know: asphodel is just the folk name for daffodil. Avrille's birthday is April 4th (because of the obvious French connection, Avril, and it's the fourth month of the year) and that's when daffodils start popping up. I picked out her last name before I knew any of that (actually before I even named her Avrille...now I think about it), so it was one of those weird instances where the fan fiction gods steered me in a very weird, coincidental direction.

Oh don't worry, there's a curve-ball on your way. You really think Severus could do something like brew a potion correctly with Avrille staring at him the whole time? ;) Thanks for your wonderful, amazing, detailed, thought-provoking reviews! Sounds like my toddler settled himself back to sleep, so I'm going to keep reading them! ~Renny


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Review #50, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Ten - Severus

27th June 2012:
I let my eyes follow the runaway strands as they slowly slid down her back and knew that the sudden rush of heat I felt had nothing to do with the climate of the hothouse.

Severus Snape, you sly dog. I have to honestly say I enjoy reading from Severus's point of view more than Avrille's. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Avrille chapters but Severus is so calculating. He notices everything, he's very hypersensitive so when I read paragraphs of him noticing the way her dress clings to her body and a strand of hair that is falling from her bun and so on he manages to keep the beauty there while breaking her down as if she was a potion or a list of instructions that said, "Step one, notice how are arms and shoulders are bare..."

His internal struggle was really interesting to read in this chapter. You manage to give Severus so many different levels, dimensions. Every time I think I have figured him out there's a new though or a new revealation that astounds me. It's interesting to me that he realizes he would need Avrille to trust him in order to figure out why she canít do basic magic like everyone else can but then the thought of trying to get Avrille to trust him creates a block for him because of what he used to be.

I never realized how much Severus and Remus have in common. I think that's what hit me in this chapter even though Remus isn't even part of the story. They're both so self-deprecating and try to push women away because they consider themselves 'monsters.'

Severus has always been that character that takes everything to heart. He punishes himself for things he had done wrong years ago when he didn't know better, when he was a child and thought he was doing the right thing. Now he punishes himself when the right 'thing' or person comes along. Someone he could sincerely care for and he's trying to cast her aside because he doesn't think he's good enough or handsome enough or just enough because of who he was even though what really matters is who he is now.

I don't know how you write him! He has so many layers, trying to discuss them and comprehend them is draining!

Author's Response: It's so funny that you said you enjoy reading Severus's chapters more, because I've always found that I also prefer writing his. They just seem to come out more easily, which makes NO sense since Avrille was about my age when I started writing this, spent a lot of time in New England (I'm from there, so it should be easier to do her vocabulary and stuff, right?), plus she's a GIRL! I guess I just enjoy writing all the layers to him that you mentioned. That's not to say that Avrille is one-dimensional, but she's just much more open and honest about everything since she has almost nothing in her past that she's ashamed about.

I've never thought about the parallels between Remus and Severus, but you're so spot on with that observation. I think that part of Remus is what makes me like him while I hate the other Marauders. It's interesting that the parody story I'm working on right now has him as a main character since I was assigned him, and I'm also going to be playing on that sort of self-deprecation there. I'm sure writing Severus I was unconsciously influenced by my favorite book of all time, "The Phantom of the Opera." The main character, Erik, is obviously monstrous, yes because of his physical deformities but even more so from his sociopathy. He feels that he isn't worthy of the woman he loves, even though he gives her so much through his musical genius and has so many other good traits buried within him. Obviously Severus isn't that bad, but in his mind he is. He really doesn't think there is a greater crime than voluntarily following Voldemort, even if it was only for a few months, not to mention the crushing guilt he still feels for his unintentional role in Lily's death. Though in this story he wasn't in love with her, he still feels like he's a danger to any woman he cares about. It's really very sad :(

I guess I'm just so lucky that JKR is a literal genius and created such an amazing character for me to tweak a bit. He's still Severus, but a "what if this happened instead?" Severus. I'm so glad you're liking this story so much...and I THINK this was my 1,000th review!! THANK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES! Granted I think I lost a bunch years back in a server crash, but who cares! You made those four digits! Woo hoo! ~Renny


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