so Harry loves Ginny but married Elizza? Either the potion is wrong or Elizza had Harry under some spell all along. Either way the story is kinda corny...especially since you have spent so much time establishing that Harry is a heartless ass, Ginny is a pathetic looser and Eliza is..well I don';t know what she is, there has been nor character development for her.
Honestly, if you want to improve your writing, you need to work on your characterization.Author's Response: Yeah, I put OOC for a reason, I changed a lot of characteristics. But if you look past that, it could be interesting. As the for Harry loves Ginny thing, it's my idea of a myterious twist, thank you very much :) Makes it interesting on where it'll go next, if you ask me. Report Review
Okay, so I read this far but I don't think I will come back. I actually read the reviews first, was apprehensive, but decided to read a bit anyway and I have to say some of your reviewers have hit it bang on.
I wasn't going to review but then I read your author's notes, I thought I should. See, from a reader's perspective the most important point of a story is plot and your story falters there. I am not saying you don't have twists, you do, but they don't seem in sync with your characters.
The beauty of writing fanfic is that you don't have to work too much on the backstory, people already know the characters you are writing about, but in your story I can't even recognize them.
My biggest problem is with Harry's character. He seems like this cardboard cutout with very little depth and no relation what so ever to the Harry created in the books. I know you are writing AU, since according the books Ginny is Harry's soulmate and he wouldn't even think of hurting her the way he did. However, even with the AU assumption Harry's decision to get married to someone you haven't really established doesn't make sense.
Since you have listed Harry/Ginny in your pairings and they aren't a couple in this story, I am assuming you are thinking of getting them back together at some point. But again that reconciliation too wouldn't make sense. Which woman would take a man back who breaks her heart twice and the second time actually goes and gets married to someone else?
I know there are stories in which Harry leaves after the war, tries to move on, or dates someone because he thinks he has no chance with Ginny. I get that and I understand it when they get back together? But, here the reasons for breaking up weren't clear. Worse still, Harry seems to have no feelings whatsoever for Ginny, developing them suddenly would seem strange too.
If you don't get them back together and Harry stays with Eliza, I don't see any story. Ginny tries to break them up, doesn't succeed, so she move ons? I would read a story like this if a new character was trying to break up two characters I love or two people with a touching back story. But why would I feel something for a happy ever after for two people one of whom I don't recognize and the second that is a mere name-Eliza. I mean who is she?
You could develop her character now, but it would seem forced unless you went back and re-wrote the story and painted Eliza as someone truly meant for Harry. Even, then I'd probably feel more for Ginny than her:) but that's just a personal preference, I like JKR better:)
In a romance story I should feel for the characters and here I can't. I quite like Ginny in the books, here she is someone pathetic and sad. Ginny's best trait is she doesn't take crap from anyone, not even Harry and that's what Harry loved about her. The character you have painted has no connection with the Ginny I know.
On the good side your writing skills are not bad, but then again what will a reader with good writing if the story doesn't make sense.
I don't mean to discourage you, especially since you seem quite young from your writing style and character descriptions. It's just a word of advice, you could take it or throw it in the trash bin.Author's Response: Sometimes different stories are for different people. You have this opinion on this, but others look through the OOC and into the content and plot of it. Sometimes it takes a little imagination to work through a fic that isn't like the others. That was sort of my goal. My other goal was to please the previous readers, who asked for a sequel :) You understand, right? I can't please everyone, so I went with what pleased me, and what pleased the majority of my readers. I'm glad you think my writing are not bad, I'm getting better every update, if you ask me! Try reading my other fics if you get the chance, they're not nearly as OOC as this series! :D Report Review
Okay, this is the wierdest story I have read in a while. I'll take it one by one. Why is Ginny acting like 'Cho'? or actually how people make Cho in fanfic. Anyway, what I mean is she is this fiery fiesty girl in canon, if you kept her in character she would move on.
Second, Harry? What's wrong with him? I generally put Harry/OC fics in three categories, completely AU ignoring HBP and DH, Post HBP and Pre HBP. Post DH I can't possibly see Harry falling for someone else, leave alone marrying her. The boy was completely devoted to Ginny.
Even though I don't ship h/hr and neither do I find it belvbl, but still post DH I'd still give some possibility to something happening between Harry and Hermione, provided Ginny and Ron are no longer in the scene. But Harry and some half baked OC character, seems completely unbelvbl, that too when Ginny is apparently still in love with him.
So either you put a warning saying AU post HBP or change Harry and Ginny's dating history completely.
Just to let you know I am not a hardcore h/g shipper and even without the bias I can't see anything real about this story.Author's Response: This had me thinking, and I now know what I'm going to do. I wasn't sure how I was going to put it, but I figured it out in the end.
As for the 'cho' thing you were talking about, I was going to do it, but I've just read so many fics w/ Cho being fiery that I decided to make it Ginny. She just seemed like the one who would fit that in my eyes. Some other readers agreed w/ me, and of course others were on your side. That's just all up to reader's preference.
I'm going to make some changes to this in the near future, so if you feel up to it, check it out and give me ur opinion on it. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, so you really don't like poor Ginny, why else would you bash her character?! I mean for godsake JKR made her grow out of her childish stalker like phase and honestly she doesn't come across as someone as obsessive and hell bent on getting the man she loves especially if he is married to someone else (well I have problems with that plot point as well, but I'll forget that for the moment).
When you are writing fanfic shouldn't you take some canon evidence into account? She didn't hound Harry or try to break him and Cho up? You want to read a good story that has Harry seeing someone else, go read 'Seeking Ginny', perhaps that will give you some insight into her character. Though most of this story was written before HBP, but even then the author has done a wonderful job.
You story's main problem is chracterization. I can't recognize Harry as the DH Harry at all, I could replace his name with Dean and tell myself its all AU the fic would seem relatively readable.
I made it this far and actually thought I'd give you the benefit of doubt and read you previous fic to understand this Elizza chick and Harry's motivation for breaking up with Ginny and well I have to say I felt really bad for all the characters.
Harry breaks up with Ginny to protect her, forgets Voldemort and runs to save her when Bellatrix shoots a killing curse at her, she continues with the DA, waits for him during the war, he pines for her during the horcrux hunt, literally comes back from the dead because he sees a hope for his future with her and then breaks up with her after two years to marry some new chic within eight months??? Gosh! he's the most screwed up character I have ever seen!!! And defintly not in the least likeable or Harry like for that matter.
The less I say about the break up scene and Harry's sudden love for Elizza the better!
Ron is okay with the way Harry treated his sister and so are the rest of the Weasleys, why?
Honestly, I think the only reason I read this was because I am sitting at home with a cold and nothing to do. Good luck with your story, I might have sounded a bit mean, maybe its the cold or perhaps seeings someone mangle my favorite chracters brought out in me. But, try and take it as constructive criticism and work on your characterization a bit, actually a lot. Good luckAuthor's Response: Imma go over this one, mark my words. I reposted it, just because it had been a year since, and only went over some grammatical errors. But due to this review and my last one, I need to change some more things. Check the recently updated fics every now and then, because you'll see this one up in the future. Thanks for the review Report Review
I love love love love this story. While I am getting frustrated at Harry I still can't wait for your next chapter,Please please post soon!Author's Response: I'm about to post sometime this week or next. Don't know when it'll get through the Q, but time will tell. Hope u get time to catch it! Report Review
Ha ha ha ha ha! I'm sorry, but like I said, I'm not the biggest fan of Ginny in this story. I'm so glad that Harry and Eliza fixed things and everythings okay now. :) Update soon!Author's Response: I'm really having a ball writing this "series." I really look forward to writing after school, now. Report Review
amazing story!! keep going i realy want to see what Ginny is going to do now!!Author's Response: I really can't wait to see what happens, too...oh wait, I'm the author! Guess I decide what happens, huh? :) Report Review
it's getting better this story!!! what is Ginny going to do now? will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: I think I'll update sometime this month. Hope you check out my next chapter. Report Review
Great chapter!! Keep them coming... :)
I think that this is ur longest one yet!!!Author's Response: Man, I'm finally replying to this. I plan on having the next chapter out sometime this month. Keep on checking, and thanks for reading! Report Review
yea i find myself checking this one often to see if its been updated yetAuthor's Response: Just updated it a second ago. it should come out da Q sometime the first week of December. glad u liked it! Report Review
Can't wait to read more! How many chapters do you think are still to come in this story?Author's Response: Ummm...I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I put this in as a novel or novella, so im not sure. I aiming for somewhere around 20+, but i don't know. I'll have the next chapter up as soon as i can. Report Review
loved this chapter and now, i have to wait to read more right? i hate that part, lol. seriously, please pretty please update soon!!!^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: yeah, i will right now, no kiddin. thanks for reviewing all for each of these chapters. Really, it helps me keep motivated and stuff. i'll have the next chapter up as soon as i can. Report Review
It's me again!! :) I was wondering when u were going to post your next chapter? And also do u have this story on fanfiction[dot]net and if so what is your penname so I look u up?Author's Response: I just put the next chapter in the Q. Sorry it took me a bit...writers block. I don't have this on fanfic[dot]net. Sorry, ive only been doin hpff. Report Review
i liked how Harry went to look everywhere after Eliza. great chapter u have here. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: yea, i'll try and get the next one up asap. thanks for keeping up with this fic. it really helps with my writing style. Report Review
I was wondering if this would be a H/G story??? Please let it turn in to that!!!Author's Response: I don't know yet. I'm sort of leaning toward's that, but I'm not sure. I've started working on the next chapter, but i don't know when that'll be up either. Report Review
Honestly I had stuck with the story so far coz I was thinking it was eventually headed towards canon H/G pairing, looks like I was wrong:( so anyways I won't be following it anymore. But you do have an interesting plot, pity it doesn't match with my reading preferences. Anyways you are good writer, I do hope you write some canon pairing stories even if they are AU in future:) Good luckAuthor's Response: Ah well, thanks for sticking with the story for so long! Please drop by if u have the urge to anyway! who knows, it might be to your liking, right? Report Review
GREAT STORY SO FAR! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!!Author's Response: I just updated that fic tonight, and i think that it'll be viewable for the public sometime tomorrow or the next day. Report Review
i still wonder where is Eliza but i look 4ward to read what is the next part of Ginny's plan. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Yea, Ginny's got her plan all ready. I'm planning of putting more of that in future chapters. i've got the next one all typed up, and i'm pretty sure u'll like it as much as this one! Report Review
love you story! post soon!!!Author's Response: If the Q works with me, then i'll have it out sometime next week...if not, well, point is, ive got it all typed up and ready to go! Report Review
definitely interesting and i bet Harry was a little jealous (even if he didn't admitt it) and Harry and Eliza having a row is good 4 Ginny... i look 4ward to read more of this great story. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: I've got my next chapter almost done. I'll be able to update sometime today hopefully. Report Review
great story, can't wait to read the rest of itAuthor's Response: I'll get writing as soon as I can. Thanks for reading! Report Review
fantastic start to the great chapter. i can't wait to see what is Ginny going to do next. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Yeah, I'm excited to see that to. Well, first I've gotta write it, but u know what I mean. Report Review
i think its great so far, keep updating, and thinking up great ideasAuthor's Response: I'll do my best. Glad you liked it! Report Review
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