another awesome chapter! :D i really loved the part with the Whomping Willow and how you weaved that and the bit with Davey Gudgeon into it. and how you have it set up so that Sirius for example is leery of any kid who's been bitten by Fenrir Greyback. this is going to make for a very exciting reveal when they finally figure out that Remus is not only a werewolf, but one of the kids bitten by Fenrir! *gasp*
and then poor Remus, how scared he was before his first full moon and how he just wanted his parents. i wanted to just reach in and give him a hug, the poor kid. :(
i also liked how Sirius is concerned about his brother's future as a member of the Black family, how they don't start out as estranged, but rather Sirius playing the older brother looking out for Regulus. Now I'm going to be sad when they part ways!
despite all this sadness and drama, it just made it for a very wonderful chapter! now i can't wait for the aftermath of this first full moon, and all that will come in the next chapter! :DAuthor's Response: Hi there! Thanks a million for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked the Davy Gudgeon bit (he will feature again later - hint, hint).
I am also glad you picked up on the Fenrir Greyback sub-plot, I have a lot of stuff planned with that. They won't find out until second year that he is a werewolf, and it will be later on again when they find out he was bitten by Greyback.
I am glad you liked the first full-moon at Hogwarts. I was worried that it was a little bit too much. But that was the effect I was going for, wanting the reader to just give Remus a hug.
I am also glad you like the relationship between Regulus and Sirius. I always thought that they weren't always estranged. I think the big change in their relationship starts when Sirius leaves for Hogwarts and gets sorted into Gryffindor. Regulus is just left at home and Sirius isn't there to protect him anymore.
Thanks so much again for the review, more to come, don't worry! I can't wait for more Moonlight myself! Report Review
Here with your review! Finally! :)
I really thought that you did a great job portraying Remus. He felt a bit torn between being confident and having that fear still there, but I could see a lot of growth in him from where he started out at. That was perfect! I thought that it was realistic that he would still feel this way when he fights with Snape. It helps balance out his torn feelings. It is like he wants to preserve all that he can between him, Lily and the others, but he still has this fear that everything is going to fall apart. I hope this makes sense.
You totally nailed James and Sirius. Their personalities were great and I like how you made the witty and not just the troublemakers. By doing so you were able to provide in the subtle hints of how bright they actually are despite the chaos they cause. Peter was interesting and I like how he is jumpy when James and Sirius do something he finds remarkable even if that means talking back to someone. Peter isn't my favorite character in the world, but you do a wonderful job of bringing him to life.
I really thought that when Sirius recieved the Howler was spot on and I even caught that moment when he had a small smile on his face despite the repercussions of that Howler. He shows that he is different than the rest of his family. He may be a Haughty Black, but he is Sirius and he will always have a light hearted, loyal side to him.
I really liked Lily. She has this Lily-ness to her. Where she is kind of stuck up, but she does care and has a wonderful way of showing it. I always think of Lily as brainwashed in a way before Severus utters that unforgiving word to her when in fifth year.
I felt really bad for Robert. I like him as a character because he gives good contrast, but I felt horrible for him. He really didn't know what he was getting into when James and Sirius became Gryffindors.
Professor McGonagall was brilliant! She was this great combination of strict teacher and caring individual all rolled into one. It was nice to see her soft side come out when she was dealing with Remus. It is a subtle thing that I see in her, but it is there. I thought you nailed her characterization.
Madam Pompfrey was a wonderfully fussy! She is very typical and exactly what I would picture her to be!
Professor Dumbledore...the character that you feel gives you the most trouble and here my friend you did a brilliant job with him. I wouldn't be able to picture him any other way. He was so real, sensitive and wise!
You did such an amazing job in this chapter fleshing out all of your characters and making sure a lot of ground gets covered.
I did notice a couple of lines where a word was missing and here they are:
"They were all eager to start, but soon found out that it would years yet until they reached that level of magic."
You are just missing the word be between would and years.
"In Herbology they were brought into Greenhouse One in the school grounds."
This sentence is fine on its own and I am okay with you leaving it this way if you would like it to, but it does sound a little strange with the "in the school grounds." It may sound better if you used on instead, but either way it works.
Keep up the awesome writing of this story! I love it and I adore you as an author! You have such a great grasp at what it is that you are writing and bringing to life. 10/10
-SR17Author's Response: AHHH I had this big long response written and it just disappeared!
Okay, I will try this again. Do not worry about the delay in reviewing, your reviews are well worth the wait, so I do not mind at all.
I am so glad you liked Remus here, and you hit the nail on this head, I wanted to show how far he had come, but at the same time show that he still his his awful fear that it is all just fleeting, that everything will just fall apart without warning.
I am so glad you liked James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. With James and Sirius I did not want them to be just troublemakers. I wanted them to be funny and clever too, a bit like Fred and George. But there is a slight maliciousness to what they do, which will be more evident later on. With Peter, yeah, I find him very hard to write, so just knowing you find him real really makes me more confident. With Sirius I am glad you liked the Howler. I took on board what you said in your last review and make a few minor tweaks, and I very relieved you think it works. Thanks so much for the CC in the last review, it really helped in making Sirius more like the Sirius we know. Cheers!
Again, so glad you liked McGonagall, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. With McGonagall there is a conversation between her and Remus that is coming in chapter 16 that I am really unsure about, it has gone through about 5 drafts and I am just worried and nervous about it, but just knowing that you find her real here, makes me feel more confident. Even with Dumbledore. I put in so much work and time into writing him, it really takes forever, but just hearing you say that it is realistic makes it all worthwhile!
I am also glad you like Robert. He is a cross between Percy and this girl I went to school with. I am glad you like him because he is the first original character that will feature a godo bit, so I am happy you like him!
I am sorry about the typo. I have put 'be' where it should be now! In terms of the on versus in debate... I think in is right, because the Hogwarts grounds are enclosed in walls. You say in the garden, because a garden has walls, but you say on the beach, because a beach has no walls... or at least that is my understanding. I could be wrong. I'll check with with my English teacher!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and taking my request. I will request for the next two chapters once your queue is open again. I love your reviews and I adore you as a reviewer too, and your story are great too (I will get around to reading them all, probably over the mid-term break!). Thanks so much for everything again. You are truly fantastic!
Another awesome chapter! and i liked how the internal conflict here was Remus trying to decide if his new friends were good or bad, and just as well, whether HE was good or bad.
I laughed when James said that bit about detention breaking child's labor laws, and now you've got me wondering why Sirius was so quiet about the whole card castle thing, saying he'd never really played it before when James said every wizard kid did at least once. And as usual I found James and Sirius' clever retorts to Downing very witty and spot on.
Speaking of which, I also liked that here you give James and Sirius some nobility to their talk-back attitude, that they have an impatience with people who demand respect when they haven't earned it (just like Harry) and that they're trying to make the point that everyone deserves to be treated the same, and that includes not treating others as though they are lower than you, no matter if you're a prefect or a pure-blood, not matter if they're a first year or a half-blood or muggle-born.
very well done! :D
also thought the ending was sweet, and i thought Remus' parents' letter was too, though i felt a pang when they mentioned Severus because at this point we see that Severus has his own not-so-nice qualities, however James and Sirius (unfortunately) treat him. And I like how we're really beginning to see theories of Severus' jealousy of James' talents (not just of Lily's attention, that's not till later and right now seems to be more focused on Remus because he gets on with Lily well enough) emerge, and the rivalry that will ultimately peak there. excellent!
10/10Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I really appreciate it, you're so good, thanks a million.
I am really glad you liked Remus question whether his new friends were good or bad. I was again just playing with that idea that he likes to be liked and as a result cuts people a lot of slack, you know?
In terms of why Sirius was quiet, yeah, that will come into play later on. You are very astute to pick that out, or maybe I made it too obvious! I don't know, but I like to just think that you have a real eye for spotting important stuff.
I am glad you liked the idea of me providing some justification behind why James and Sirius act that way they do. I just felt I had to give a reason, because both the boys are good people, but they are bullies too, so I just thought there had to be some sort of method behind their madness, if that makes any sense.
I am glad you liked the inklings of Snape's jealousy coming through. It was focused on Remus initially, because he befriended Lily and Snape was afraid that if Lily made new friends, then she would not want to be his anymore. But once he sees that Remus is no longer a threat, that Lily is still his best friend, his anomosity turns towards James, for being brilliant and popular and very pig-headed.
Anyway, thanks so much for the review. I really appreciate it! It's good to get feedback on the chapter, just to see if people think it's okay! Thanks so much again, and I can't wait for more 'Moonlight' and 'Rampent Magic'. :) Report Review
so i just totally enjoyed reading this chapter. i think they get better and better every time.
i like how you showed the flaw of remus' longing for acceptance tending to overrule his conscience.
and i thought the howler bit with sirius was well executed. and loved the excellent detail you used, just in things like describing Daily Prophet articles and such. very good! and of course i didn't miss the little hint of the idea for the marauders' map. *squee
also loved the line "i can tell you're lying - your lips are moving" very clever, made me laugh! :D and the rhymes peter made in prof slughorn's. but it's too bad that their defense lesson turned out to be useless.
and i absolutely loved when sirius, james, and peter came to Remus' aid, just when remus was feeling so terrible and remembering paul in the face of severus' insults. very well done!
and the ending was completely spot on. even brought a tear or two to my eye :_) it was so sweet.
can't wait for the next chapter, and am i right in guessing that the Waddiwasi spell might be the "payback" to peeves James is planning?
also, i did want to let you know that Rampant Magic was updated too, so if you want to check that out...and i should get another chapter of moonlight up soon. ;) but congratulations on yet another awesome chapter!Author's Response: Thanks so much for being the first reviewer on this chapter! I really appreciate that (I was slightly panicking that it was rubbish, because no one was reviewing!!!).
I'm glad you liked how Remus's desire for acceptance over-rode his conscience. JKR did say that Lupin likes to be liked and that's where he slips up, because he is disliked so often and is always pleased to have friends and therefore cuts them a lot of slack. That, and I was going on Remus telling Sirius in OOTP that he never had the courage to tell him and James that he thought they were out of line when they bullied Snape.
I'm glad that James's line made you laugh, I honestly didn't know if people would find it funny or not, so I'm glad you did!
I'm glad you liked the ending, where James, Sirius and Peter come to his aid. I liked that too, and I really just wanted to emphasise how special these three boys are, and how much they really do mean to Remus, you know?
Yeah, you're right with the payback being Waddiwasi, there is no point denying it, because it is sort of obvious, that will be coming up soon, either in the next chapter or the one after (I can't really remember!!!).
Yes, I've seen that Rampant Magic has been updated, it's on the top of my to-do list on my PC and I will get around to reading and reviewing it (I'm looking forward to it!) - I am just all over the place at the minute (started back college last week [after a pathetic 2 and a half week summer], mayhem describes it best) so it will probably be the weekend when I get around to it - but don't worry, it will be read, can't wait really!
Thanks again for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it! Hats off to you! Go raibh mile maith agat! :) Report Review
I absolutely loved this chapter, I thought the characterizations were spot on (again) and the last line was just perfect about maybe the mirror did tell the future after all! And I loved that bit with Narcissa grabbing Sirius and threatening him cos he didn't get into to Slytherin (which gives me some ideas for maybe doing a fic expanded from Moonlight that focuses more on Remus and the gang's years at Hogwarts--I kind of blew through them and focused mostly on Remus' problems--but I promise I won't take anything from your story, i'll probably actually write it from sirius' point of view.)
anyway, back to your awesome chapter. again, i just want to say that this is one of the few fics i've read where i think Dumbledore is really done well, so well done for that. and oh that Peeves is just terrible! and i loved all the other insertions of people we've heard about in the books but never actually really met, or got to know as well as others, like Frank Longbottom. and i like that i can see some possible tug of war in Remus between James, Sirius, and Peter at one end and the whole Lily-Severus friendship issue. I dunno if I'm right, but I'm really anxious to see how this all continues to play out, regardless. :)
thanks again for another great chapter! :DAuthor's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
I'm glad you liked the tension between Sirius and Narcissa. I just felt that I had to show it and build it up in this story, because, as we know, he runs away when he is 16, so I need to provide justification for that, so it is a theme that will come up again, but I just wanted to show that there is tension there, right from the off, you know?
You should definitely write a fic about the gang's years at Hogwarts, that is something I'd love to read, and it will fill the post-Moonlight void (I know you're nearing the end, but I don't like to think about it much, you know? Because I've been following that story for five years! It's mental! I actually think today (August 31st) marks the fifth anniversary of my very first review of this story. I remember because it was the day I joined the site and I remember joining because I wanted to leave a review on your story. I know a lot of my early reviews are gone, thanks the great site crash back in 2008, but I'm fairly sure that it was August 31st when I first read it. Anyway, TANGENT, please do write a Marauder's fic, I'd definitely read it! :-)
I'm glad you liked Dumbledore. He caused me a lot of problems, so I worked very hard to get him right, so I'm glad you think his characterisation is good!
I'm glad you liked Frank too, I just saw him as a prefect the boys could look up to, in a way that Harry and Ron could never look up to Percy, you know? Plus, I just wanted to build some sort of relationship between them before the first Order of the Phoenix you know? Aand Frank had to be older than the Marauders so there would be enough time for him to complete Auror training, and become a popular public figure (as Dumbledore said Frank and Alice were) before Bellatrix leaves them in a state worse than death.
I'm so glad you like this. Thanks so much for reading and review, I really appreciate it. You don't have to, but you do and it means an awful lot, thanks so much! Next chapter will be up this evening actually! So keep an eye out! Thanks again :) Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! I am sorry that I am on a late schedule with getting these to you, but that is life right now. Hopefully next month will make it easier to be faster. Anyways...onto the review!
I really liked the way that you portrayed James and Sirius when we first meet them at the Gryffindor table. One thing that I thought that I would mention is that when Sirius is describing on how his mother is going to kill him, he is all doom and gloom. I think maybe if you add in a smirk of happiness on Sirius's end it would make it work better. I guess what I am trying to say is that Sirius was suppose to be happy that he made it into Gryffindor rather than in Slytherin even though I really do believe that he fears his mother, I think that if you put a smirk on him while he is contemplating what she is going to think you would be playing more into Sirius's rebel side. I hope this makes sense. If not PM me. I really liked how they were both involved with the cream and starting a food fight. I could totally imagine that in my mind. I also thought you did a great job with Sirius when Professor McGonagall comes over. Sirius and innocent are just an oxymoron in the same sentence. ;) I also really like Frank. I like that he is older and a Prefect. I like how he just has this dignified feel to him, but he's relaxed too. Especially when he has to tell off four rowdy boys who are having a pillow fight instead of sleeping.
The war issue...this I thought was the perfect time for you to bring it up since it is going to become such a stronger element to the story as it goes on. The way that you mention it and the slight amount that comes through really puts it in the readers mind as a sense of foreboading. I don't think that this is too soon at all. I think you have to use the war's rumor's at this point to really drive towards how it will come into play later on as the story progresses.
Yes, I can honestly say that Remus getting lost is something that I can see happening. Why? Because Remus would be the one who would hide if he thought he saw some one he knew that knew his secret. I cannot blame him for feeling that way. I would feel the same way. I thought Peeves was hilarious. Especially when Remus was confused as to why the ghost could grab the carpet. Hahahahahaha! =) I felt bad for him though because Peeves can be brutal.
Dumbledore felt, acted and naturally felt like Dumbledore. He's wise, he gives you that feeling like you are being x-rayed without you even having to clearly mention it, and him talking about the music box just screams Dumbledore. I think you did an amazing job capturing his mannerisms and his excentricness.
What Remus saw in the mirror was very believable. I mean the poor kid only wanted to have friends and here he is looking in the mirror with them surrounding him. I think that this is one of the things that I would imagine him seeing. The other would possibly be him not being a werewolf. But like Dumbledore says that it is just a small percent of who Remus actually is.
You just have such a great hold on Remus and really know your subject as you write. This is what makes this story so awesome.
I did see a couple of confusing sentences and I don't know if it is an Irish thing or me just being stupid, but I thought as I always do, that I would point them out.
"You must say a password to enter however, and this week's is porcupine quill, I believe."
This sentence is confusing because of the week's is... you could always change that part to read "and this week is..."
"Then a thought occurred to him, a thought that once it entered his head had to voiced."
This sentence I had to read a couple of times before I realized that I am stumbling because of the wording. This is how I would see the sentence... "Then a thought occurred to him, a thought that once it entered his head he had to voice it."
"His eyes widened and he felt the colour in his face drained away."
When I read this sentence aloud it sounded odd with drained being in the sentence. Were you going for drain instead?
I love this story and I cannot wait to read about what will happen next! Keep up the awesome writing!!! Remember if you need any help at all I am always here for you! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there, don't worry at all, you're grand. Your reviews are worth waiting for completely. I don't mind at all.
Cheers for the tip with regard to Sirius, and you're completely right! I didn't think of that, but now that you've said it, it makes complete sense, you've got it spot on there, and I'm going to go and re-write that little bit at the weekend, and fix it so it's not all doom and gloom because you're right, he is happy to be in Gryffindor! :-) Aside from that, I'm glad you liked James and Sirius, again, I just found them a bit difficult, so I'm glad you liked them. Also glad you liked Frank. I figured he had to be a good few years ahead of the Marauders in school, because he had to complete all the Auror training and become very popular with the wizarding community (as I think Dumbledore remarks), so I just felt that he and Alice had to be older than the Marauders, you know? I also just liked the idea of him being some one they could look up to almost, in a way that Harry and Ron could never look up to Percy.
I'm glad you liked the war issue, because it's going to feature at bit in coming chapters. Nothing has happened yet, it's more just whispers and rumours and odd events / disappearances in the papers and things. I just want to build the idea that there is a threat out there, that these kids are aware of, but also protected from, if that makes sense, so it doesn't effect them too much, until some massive, big event happens, much later on, won't say any more on that though!
I'm glad you liked Remus getting lost. It just seemed to fit, and it just added this dimension to him hiding his secret from people and his fear of exposure (which will feature throughout, until the Marauders figure out what he is). I'm glad you liked Peeves. I had a lot of fun writing him, and James will get him back for Remus too, so he will be resurfacing again very soon!
It's such a relief that you think Dumbledore was alright, I find him so hard to do, so I'm just so relieved you think I did a good job there! :-)
I'm glad you liked what he saw in the mirror was realistic. I was thinking about the werewolf issue with regards to that, but I just thought at the present moment, with him starting school, his desire for friends would eclipse that, you know? Like when Harry looked in the mirror and saw himself rescuing the stone, as opposed to his parents, because at that moment his desire to protect the stone, out-weighed his desire to see his family.
I'm so happy you think I have a great hold on Remus. He's my favourite character ever, and I would be so upset if I got him wrong. If I do one thing right with this fic, I want it to be that I got Remus as canon as possible, if I achieve that with this story, I'd be ridiculously happy.
I'm so sorry about the confusing sentences there. I've fixed them all, you are 100 percent right that they are not right, I'm so sorry about that. THanks so much for pointing them out, I appreciate that so much.
Thanks so much again for taking my request and reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much. You have given me so much help and advice, you really have, and words cannot describe how much that means and how much that helps.
Next chapter will be up on Friday and I will drop by your thread and request once there is a free spot! If you need any help or anything, please do ask, and I'll do anything I can to help :-) Report Review
Read up to this point so far, and I have to say this is quite an interesting story! I love how you've progressed with the language and grammar even, not only reflecting his age in actions and emotions, but in the physical writing itself- Brilliant!
Very cleverly written, I must say, and your characters, I would say are quite true to cannon. I did see a couple of mistakes throughout the chapters I've read so far (unfortunately I forgot to keep which chapters they're from):
'Then, he stopped breathing together.'
Should be 'altogether'.
'letting them ago and pulling'
In reference to his father's robes, but should be 'go' rather than 'ago'.
'just ran through the words screaming swear words'
The first 'words' should be 'woods', though running through words might be quite an interesting adventure! ;) haha!
as good a chance of attending that school
Is typically written 'as good OF chance' but by common annunciation, is made into 'a'. Might be something you contemplate changing, but as I believe it was spoken it could probably be kept as is.
Great story! And I do plan on coming back to read the rest, but I need a bit of a break now! lolAuthor's Response: Hi there! Firstly fair play for reading this far into the story. Usually in the review tag, people just read and review one chapter, so fair play!
I'm glad you liked the idea of the physical writing expressing Remus's age. I wrote it normally at first, but it didn't quite achieve the effect I wanted it to, so I changed it, and I really like it as it is now, so I'm glad you do too. :)
Sorry about all the typos, I never can spot them all no matter how many times I read over it! I've changed them all, except the last one, just because it's a spoken line and I think it sounds better the way it is (plus the way it is is the way I say it myself)
Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. If you do indeed come back to read the rest, I hope you enjoy it!
Really loved this chapter! You are an amazing writer and I cant wait for the next chapter. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm really glad you like it! Loads more to come, next chapter will be up Friday week (I update every fortnight see!), so keep an eye out. Thanks so much for the review, it's much appreciated! ;-) Report Review
OMG IT'S SO AWESOME AND AMAZING AND ASDLAJ;LDSGA;LDKFALD;GH!Author's Response: Cheers, I'm so glad you liked it and thanks for being the first reviewer for this chapter, really appreciate it! Loads more to come, so keep an eye out! :-) Report Review
I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get around to reviweing this chapter for you. As you know I have been busy, but I still want you to know that I am sorry that it's taken this long. Anyways, onto the review! =)
I thought that you did a great job with Severus. You really were able to show how he thought that Lily should only be around him. He has this posessiveness that carries on later in his life after Lily dies and up through when he dies. So it was nice to see some familiar feelings already in place. I didn't think that he was like Malfoy at all. Malfoy is obnoxious when we meet him in the books. Snape is more posessive. Funny little side note...I am going back and forth between your review and your areas of concern and I didn't even read the part about you trying to show Snape in a posessive way. I agree with your statement that he is nicer than Malfoy. Peter, I thought was perfectly fine to be honest. He wasn't a large part of the chapter, but the part that he is in was very in character of him and the way you describe his appearance was spot on. I honestly thought that between Snape, Pettigrew, and Lily were perfect. Lily is this social butterfly, Snape is this brooding young boy, who's home life stinks, and he has posessive issues. Peter was that perfect scared little boy with no confidence...so in an overall look I think you did a terrific job with them!
Remus was awesome in this chapter. We really get a good look at how nervous he is and how he is feeling. His fear was natural and it felt that way while reading it. I thought that the sorting hat really was perfect when it talked to Remus.
I think you are over worried about how these characters are coming together. You did a great job with all of them. It gets hard when you have a lot of characters that you have to write for, keeping them all in canon or as close to. And you do such a wonderful job that you are really underestimating yourself. You are doing great!
The Sorting Hat's song was brilliant! I loved it and I would have never guessed that you struggled with it. You did such a wonderful and natural job with it. There is NOTHING wrong with this song at all. I wouldn't change it for anything or anyone. I know how hard it can be when you are trying to get things to work and it takes forever, but you really hit this out of the park. Pure brilliance!!
I also want to say thank you. You really did a wonderful job of making this chapter original. I was thinking it was going to be more like it was described in the book where he meets James, Sirius and Peter on the train. You didn't go that route and I am grateful that you didn't because you really were able to make it your own and intrigue the mind of your reader at the same time.
There were a few wording issues and I will point them out to you. I don't have the exact locations from the chapter, but I think you'll be able to find their places. Remember that these are always included with suggested changes. You're the Author and I am just the reader.
When you are describing how the train is stopping you say "screeching breaks" breaks should be brakes. The one you used is the one that describes a vacation or a break from school.
When the first years are following Hagrid to the boats you say, "where the little boats greet them" It would sound better if you used greeted.
When you describe Peter, you say, "He chubby and"
It would work easier if you said something like... He was chubby with.
When you describe the school coming into view you talk about a "bolder." It is the wrong form of the word. It should be boulder. The one you use is the one that would put print in bold.
I don't want you to think for one minute that this takes away from your story at all. These are simple over looked things and we all do this. I am horrible at this too. It is almost like we as the writers can't see it in our own writing, until someone else points it out.
Alright well you keep up the awesome writing! I love this story and can't wait to see what is going to happen next!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: No worries, I completely understand you're busy, there is no need to be apologising at all!
I am really RELIEVED that you think I did Severus well. It took about 6 days for this chapter to get any sort of review and I was seriously panicking that I had done the characters wrong. I just tried to get into Snape's mindset. I went with very troubled home-life (Lily makes reference to his parents fighting and Snape himself says his dad doesn't like anything much), then the only light in his life is Lily and he is so used to it being just the two of them, and she represents everything that is good in his life, so in that way he is very possessive of her. I went with this fear of losing her to others, because he is just so used to it being the two of them, that he is fearful when other people start encroaching on their space. So I just tried to write the chapter to reflect that.
Peter caused me a lot of trouble, so I am very glad you liked him. I was going for a kind of Neville character. Peter, like Neville, is very shy, no confidence and is pretty useless when it comes to school work. But the sorting hat saw bravery in Neville (and must have in Peter as well), but it all harps back to what Dumbledore said - it is our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities. Neville, in the end, chose to be brave and loyal and good, Peter did not, and that is what I was playing on in this fic.
I'm glad you liked Remus, he is just so easy to write, I just feel like I get him more than the other characters. I'm glad you liked the sorting hat, I sort of played with his fears there, and I just couldn't resist, when you're in a state of panic, you automatically assume the worst, and that's what he did - I know what you are - a werewolf, nope, a Gryffindor!
I know what you mean about me being overly worried (I can't help it!), but I just love HP so much and I just want to do all the characters justice and get them right. I've read so many fics where I recoil away in horror because the characterisation is just so off, and I really don't want anyone to do that when reading my story..
Thanks for the feedback on the Sorting Hat song. I tried my best, I was there with a rhyming dictionary for hours, trying to get it right. I can't do poetry, I just can't, I can admire poetry, just can't write it. So I did as best I could, I know it's not great, there's some awkward lines and the rythmn is off, but it's the best I can do, so thanks for the words of encouragement there. :-)
I'm glad you liked the way I did the train. I was reading "The Prince's Tail" in DH, and Snape and Lily are in a compartment with "rowdy boys", and only James and Sirius are mentioned. Pettigrew and Lupin aren't and I figured if Lupin and Pettigrew were there, Harry would have noticed it, so I then came to the conclusion that the four marauders did not meet on the train, but afterwards. And the way I saw it, Remus would have been a bit too nervous to walk into a "rowdy" compartment and sit down. Then I just figured, Snape and Lily left this compartment in search of another after Snape was insulted, so I figured they would look for a quieter compartment, and there was Remus's empty one. It just all seemed to fit, in my head anyway. I wasn't being original, I just followed canon.
I am so sorry about those typos, they are the type the spell checker in Word can't pick up, because they are spelled correctly, they are just the wrong words. I've fixed them all and thanks for pointing them out, again I feel like a right eejit for not spotting them!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, you've really put my mind at ease here, I can sleep soundly without worrying too much that I've made of mess of the characters and canon and the whole wizarding world. Thanks again for taking my request and reading and reviewing, it means an awful lot! I will drop by your new thread when the next chapter is up.
Thanks again :) Report Review
i absolutely LOVED this chapter! everything about it was just perfect. so well told, and lily and severus' characterizations were spot on, spot on. and remus' own fears and apprehensions. you really had him going up and down with nerves and elation back and forth. i was that way too, i'd get nervous meeting new people, but i'd want to meet new people, and i'd worry people made a judgement call and didn't like me (course my secret wasn't lycanthropy, it was just plain weirdness). excellent, excellent chapter, so i really connected with that. i think the best parts were little characterizations, like remus imagining arthur and his knights and his favorite quidditch team out of the window, or the way he "coiled his legs" around the stool while he sat on the sorting hat--and i loved the tension hook there at the end, thinking the hat was going to blurt out that he was a werewolf when in fact it ends with "GRYFFINDOR!" very clever.
and i would also say that this is what i love about reading stuff like marauders' fics in general, especially ones that take place in the pre-harry era, this far back, because you know how these characters' lives are going to turn out, and seeing them so innocent and unknowing, bumping into each other as such and finding themselves drawn to each other to what would eventually become "the harry potter story" is SUCH a great thing to explore in fanfiction. :D
anyway, great job again, and i can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: I'm so glad you think I did Snape, Lily and Remus well. I did find Snape very difficult to do, he caused me a lot of problems and I was slightly worried he was a little too like Draco Malfoy or something... so I am really glad you thought his characterisation was good.
I'm exactly the same way with meeting new people are you and Remus are (or at least Remus in this fic) - I think it's sort of a universal thing, everyone wants to be liked and wants to be friends with people but there is always this thought plaguing the back of your mind that you might say or do the wrong thing and lose the friendship you have been trying to forge - and I just took that and ran with it in this chapter.
I'm glad you liked the idea of Remus coiling his legs around the chair - that's exactly what I do when I'm nervous, so I just had Remus do it too - always write about what you know they say! I'm also glad you liked the tension near the end - is the hat going to say werewolf or is it going to say Gryffindor?
I know what you mean about Marauders fics there - that's the same reason I love them too, and it's a really great topic to explore in fanfiction, though a difficult one too and the pressure is on to the characterisation right.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing - I really appreciate it so much! Thanks a million - can't wait for more Moonlight now!!!
Favorite fan-fic EVA'!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! I am so glad you like it! Loads more to come though, hope you continue to enjoy it!!! :-) Report Review
Another great chapter! I thought Snape was a little too mean at first, until it became clear that he was jealous of Remus, and then his behavior made perfect sense.
I think you write Lily and Snape really well in this chapter, and I like that you have Lily be the first one to befriend him on the train, rather than James and Sirius. I've wondered if they wouldn't have been friends if they hadn't been sorted into Griffyndor together, just because their personalities are so outwardly different.
I also really like how snide and sarcastic Snape is about everything, but ends up joining in anyway because of Lily.
I'm really enjoying this story, thanks for sharing it! :)Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks so much for being my first reviewer for this chapter, I really appreciate it!
I'm glad you thought I did Snape well (he sort of caused me problems at bit). When I wrote this scene I thought, OK, this is right after James and Sirius insulted Snape, and he and Lily left to find another place to seat, so Snape is angry about what had happened with James and Sirius. Then he sees Lily, his best friend, the one light in his dark childhood, get on really well with someone else, so he is slightly jealous of that, and he's also afraid of losing her too (or at least that is what I reasoned), afraid that she will make new friends and leave him.
I know what you mean about Snape and Lily being so different, yet being such good friends, but the way I figure it is that when Snape is alone with Lily he is really quite nice, but it's just when he's around others that he puts on that angry persona, and becomes snide and sarcastic. He's influenced by those around him, or so I see it anyway :-)
Thanks so much again for the review, I really appreciate it! :-) Report Review
Wow! It's great so far!:)Author's Response: Cheers, I'm glad you liked it - if you read the rest, I hope you enjoy it too! Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Wow, you really captured are horrible, painful subject so well. I think telling it from three year old Remus perspective was a really great idea. It brought that childlike feel combined with the horror of what was happening really to front.
The gnome part crushed me, but even more was the whispering fights he heard from his parents. He had such a rough childhood, didn't he? So young and he's already afraid he's becoming a monster..
I just want to wrap this sweet little boy up. I think you did a great job with his father. At points he felt a bit detached, but considering it was told from Remus, I don't think it takes away from the story. I just think there may have been a bit more hesitance on his father's part.
When Remus and his father are talking about living longer.. blah. You're horrible. You're killing me - he finally gets all that. He finally gets love and a child and it's all taken away and it's just too horrible. Nothing about Remus's life was how it should have been. You're breaking my heart over here. Bad author, bad! (but only because this is really good)
Great start, I really hope I make it back soon to continue!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Firstly, thanks for offering reviews as an incentive to review podcasts. It was a really great idea, fair play.
I am glad you thought I captured this subject well, it is a sensative issue, so I just want to do it justice and the only way I could properly capture the loss of innocence was if it was told in the voice of an innocent, if that makes any sense at all. I spent forever trying to get the voice and the tone right, so I am glad you think I captured the horror of it well.
I know what you mean about the gnome. As I wrote this I took a step back and just thought, no, wait, is this too horrible? Is it verging on disturbing even? I had thought about changing it to killing a snail or a ladybird or something, but that wouldn't have had the same effect. Death is cruel and it is horrible and it is terrifying and I wanted to chapter that right from the very beginning. This is a story about Remus's experiences with death, and I don't just want to tell the story of his life, I want to tell the story of his pain. Death has marked his life as much as it has marked Harry's and people tend to forget that sometimes, so I decided there would be no holding back here, so I went with the gnome, as awful as it is.
I know what you mean about his rough childhood (it actually gets worse in coming chapters), but I just felt that in order to show how much James, Sirius and Peter mean to Remus, I had to show how miserable Remus's childhood really was, in order to do that friendship justice. I kept thinking about what Lupin said in the Shrieking Shack in POA, about how for the first time in his life he had three great friends, when he was telling Harry about his years at school. That line just stuck with me, and that more I thought about it, the more I realised that it hints to a very lonely and sad childhood, which would make Lupin's fear of losing his friends if they found out what he was all the more telling. So I went down that vein in this story, but is does, of course, get much happier once he arrives at Hogwarts.
I also know what you mean about the dad seeming detached, but you have to remember that this is from the point of view of the three year old, he does not understand nor can he imagine what his dad is feeling, so he does seem detached in that way, because such a small boy does not understand what is going on and that comes across when he tells the story, and it makes his dad seem detached, or at least what was what I was trying to do anyway...
With regard to the hesitance issue, I sort of see what you're getting at, but the way I saw it was that this whole event caught his dad off guard, one minute he is happily playing with his son, the next minute the world explodes without warning. He panics, because he doesn't know what to do or how to explain what has happened nor is he ready to. He now just finds himself in an awful position where he knows he will have to explain to his 3 year old son what has happened and what he has done and he doesn't like that he has to do that, he's not ready to do it, and he doesn't even want to think about the reality of the situation himself. He doesn't know what he is doing and he is caught off guard, and if he had more time to think then I would have made him a little more hesitant with this issue, but I was just trying to capture the moment the world turned upsidedown and this is the best I could do...
Yeah sorry about the ending there, I know I was playing with emotions there but it had to be done - we all know what is in store for Remus, but his dad doesn't, and every parent wishes their kid to live a long and full life so I just had to include it, you know? As painful as it was.
Thanks so much for the review, and if you do indeed come back for more, I hope you enjoyed it! I will review one of your stories now too, probably later this evening though, hope that's alright.
Thanks again for the review and everything!
TLM Report Review
ah, so sorry it's taken me so long to review, i've been running behind, and usually i pop when i've got a new chapter to post for moonlight (wink, wink). but you're always so quick to post a review for my stories i always feel a bit bad that i'm not as quick about it with yours.
nevertheless, at long last my review for this chapter is in:
i love how you describe Remus' initial excitement about where to go first. and i thought you wrote the wand-choosing scene very well. i also liked where they got ice cream on them all and laughed.
i also liked the interlude in the bookshop, where remus (ignoring the warning sign, of course) crosses over into the dark arts section. it coincides with his feelings about his being a werewolf contrasting with how society sees him, and it's also kind of a foreshadowing of his one year as a DADA teacher (which i can't wait for your take on it if you decide to take the story that far). and it makes sense too that remus wants to know all he can about the werewolf that bit him. spot on characterization.
i also thought the ending was lovely and bittersweet. so very well done overall. and i seriously cannot wait to meet the marauders. ;)
i also liked the owl-buying scene. I think Scops owls are SOOO cute. :) actually i'm quite fond of all owls.
side note, i always thought it was funny that ollivander would ask which is the wand arm when presumably the kid hasn't held a wand before and wouldn't really know? lol. also i thought that was a cool bit of info from pottermore about willow wands, which reminds me, i need to get back on there! i haven't been on in ages and i'm only still at chapter one in book 1. :P
but thanks again for another awesome chapter! 10/10Author's Response: No worries, you're grand sure, I know you're super busy. Don't worry I will get to Moonlight (probably tomorrow though) - can't wait, just I'm posting a new chapter to this fic tonight, so I need to give it another read over to make sure it's alright. But I will get to Moonlight as soon as I can - cannot wait, I had a sneaky look at the summaries of the two chapters you've put up and I'm just dying to read it. :-)
I am glad you liked the scene in the wandshop and I agree with you that it was odd that Ollivander asks young wizards who have never held a wand before which is their wand arm. It was probably be better to ask if they were right or left handed, but maybe that's a bit too Muggle for Ollivander though! :-)
I am glad you liked the vein of Remus trying to find out more about Greyback, that will feature a lot more later on. :-)
I am also glad you are looking forward to the Marauders, I'm looking forward to sharing those chapters with you guys too! I've done my best with them, so I just hope it's enough to do justice to the characters!
I love Scops owls too - I just loved Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon in the books, he was just so cute and amusing. You can't help but love him!
Yes, definitely get back on Pottermore - they've opened up the first four chapters of Chamber of Secrets too, which are pretty awesome!
Thanks again for the review! I really appreciate it! Can't wait to read Moonlight now :) Report Review
So it was interesting the way you decided that Remus would learn about death through the gnomes. I don't really know how old Remus is supposed to be in this, but I don't remember ever having to be told what death was...I don't know, it was very interesting. And I have to say, if ever death had to be explained, the way Remus's dad did it was pretty spot on.
Your writing is really nice- considering this was basically a whole chapter about gnomes, it was pretty amazing that I wasdefinitely gripped by the story. I haven't read many with young Remus's in but the language you used was good at conveying Remus's young age (you had the tone of a child), if a little unrealistic/overdone :P
Something I really liked was the way Remus thought it was all a game- 'Remus didnít know why the gnome was scared because it was all a game'. I thought that was a very intriguing line, and representative of a child's love to play and not take things seriously.
Remus's reaction towards the gnome's death- guarding the spot where the gnome was buried and stuff- was very realistic, I thought. I remember doing that when I stood on a ladybug once :P
This was thoughtful, well written and extremely interesting. I really enjoyed it!
-LWGAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review, I appreciate it!
You say you don't know how old Remus is supposed to be in this, he's three, as shown:
"For now, Remus had to wait, because he wasn't big yet. He was only three. Three was small, Daddy said. But Remus thought that three was big, very big, miles bigger than two."
That's mad that you don't remember ever being told about Death. I remember being told when I was four. And I ended up having to explain it to my five year old cousin when my gran died. So I sort of based this fic on that. I'm glad that you thought I had Remus's dad pretty spot on though :-) I just felt I had to include this chapter, because this fic just doesn't tell the story of Remus's life, it tells the story of his pain. His life was as scarred by death as Harry's was, so I just really wanted to show that right from the off.
I'm glad that you thought the language conveyed Remus's young age, but I just wished you elaborated more on why you thought it was unrealistic/overdone. I've based this on my little cousin and I worked so hard to get it realistic, so if you thought there were parts that were unrealistic or overdone I'd like to know, so I can fix it...
I'm glad you liked the game idea - and you've hit the nail on the head, it is representative of how a child's love of playing and taking nothing seriously.
I'm also glad that you liked Remus guarding the grave at the end. That's mad that you remember doing the same thing for a ladybird, I think all kids do at some point!
Anyway, glad you found this interesting, even if it was only about gnomes.
Thanks for the review Report Review
Well, I've gotten hooked on this story during my vacarion, and plan to continue reading even when I don't have quite so much free time :)
I think you've done a great job of imagining how Remus's childhood may have played out, and I'm looking forward to how you continue it at Hogwarts.
I googled Gawain, figuring that an allusion like that wouldn't have been thrown in haphazardly, and agree that he's a very fitting character for Remus to admire.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I am so happy you liked it, and that you like it enough that you intend to continue reading even with limited time - that's such a nice thing to hear - thanks a million.
I'm glad you liked how I did Remus's early childhood. Most fics just do a chapter on when he is bitten, then skip over to him starting Hogwarts, but I just figured that there was more to the story than that and I wanted to capture it. I don't just want to tell the story of his life, I want to tell the story of his pain, and provide reasons why he is the way he is, and somewhat justify how and why he was in the mindset he was in when he left Tonks in DH. I just figured that in order to show how much James, Sirius and Peter mean to Remus, I had to show how sad his childhood was, and it sort of makes it all the more tragic, because when he does finally get great friends, they are all taken from him in one night and he is more or less back to where he started, you know?
I'm looking forward to the Hogwarts years as well, I'm currently eight chapters ahead of what is published up here, so there is a lot of stuff I can't wait to share with you guys. I've given it everything I've got, and I just hope I don't disappoint.
The next chapter will be up on Friday. I update every two weeks, and even though I'm eight chapters ahead of what's here, I still need to stagger updates, because I implode under pressure and wouldn't be able to write at all!
I'm glad you liked the name Gawain. I had to read "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" and "Le Morte d'Arthur" last year in college and that's how I got familiar with the knight and I just thought he was a fitting character for Remus to admire, just because he is fiercely loyal, and very trusting, and a great defender of outcasts in general. Then he also is a great healer and that's what I saw the owl doing in this chapter, healing Remus a bit, giving him some form of friendship.
Anyway, thanks so much for the review, I am so happy you are enjoying this, I love writing this fic and I still can't get my head around the fact that other people like it too! :) Report Review
So I am finally here with your review! Sorry it has taken me so long.
I thought that the relationship and friendship that Remus has with Gawain was really well done. I also thought that it defined who Remus is as a person and what he so longs for. A friend that is non judgementive of who he is as a person despite his furry little problem once every full moon. I didn't think it was childish at all.
I found that the story was very believable, especially when his parents are standing there saying their good-byes. Any parent would act that way if there child was leaving them for as long as Remus is. And because Remus has the condition he has it makes it that much more emotional for his parents. They just want to see him happy, but it is always hard letting go.
I think Remus wants to understand why Greyback is the way he is. It's that case of knowledge is power and Remus wants to know how to act the exact opposite of the monster that changed his life. He knows how it feels and doesn't want to follow the easy path and contaminate anyone. I see it as him making a choice between what is right and easy.
As usual when I do reviews I always look for any sentences that seem weird or are missing a word to make it flow better and I found quite a bit in this chapter. I always love being able to point them out, because I know that no matter how many times you go over your own story you'll always miss at least one. So here they are and with the suggested changes.
"Which is your wand arm?" Ollivander said quietly.
*I wasn't sure if this was a question or a statement since you used the word said instead of asked?
"A warmth seemed to spread through his fingers when he first laid hand on the piece of wood."
*When I read this sentence out loud I noticed that it sounded funny. I think that if you add 'a' between laid and hand it would flow better.
"he stopped suddenly half-way down an isle when he reached The Dark Arts section."
*simple misspelling of the word asile
"Each time he felt the bite on his harm pickle as a shiver ran down his spine."
* I wasn't sure if this should be arm or not?
"Remus was distraught, he was convinced that the owl had run away"
* I would consider changing this to flown away since Owls don't run.
"Remus and Gawain continued to play together, and sometimes Remus would send letters to Dad in work"
* Again, this was another sentence that seemed weird when I read it out loud. I would suggest a small change at the end like, 'letters into Dad at work' OR 'letter to Dad at work.'
"Okay," Remus said, a little sceptically.
*Simple misspelling of the word skeptically.
Again, and as always I do not want you to be discouraged by these. This stories greatness definitely out weighs the little things that need improvement. These are also always suggestions in order to help you see how another reader sees your piece. Overall, I think you are doing an amazing job at being consistant with your story and really bringing Remus to life in a way that makes me love the character more than I did before reading this piece of work.
Keep up the sublime writing and I cannot wait until the next chapter!!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there - oh dear, I am so sorry about the typos! My dad is after going on holidays so I lost my proof-reader, I hoped it wouldn't be obvious, but alas, it was - I am so sorry! But I didn't want to break my routine and not publish for four weeks until he was back, you know? Ah, I am so so sorry about all that!
I've changed them all, the typos I mean - except sceptically - I'm Irish, and that's how we spell sceptically here, I think the skeptically with a k is American... and they spell it sceptically in England too, and seeing as Harry Potter is British, I'm going to keep it at sceptically! :-)
Also, I know what you mean by ran away V flew away. The reason I chose ran away was because Remus is a child, and the phrase to run away means to leave with the intention of not coming back (to a kid anyway), so that's why I chose to use that phrase. The idea of running away features a lot with kids, they always threaten it and sometimes they do actually do it, but always come back at tea-time or something, so that's why I chose that, just because it was a child describing it as he saw it - obviously owls don't run away, but I wasn't going for the literal meaning of the phrase ... if that makes any sense at all!
Anyway, all that aside I can get into the proper review response! YAY! Don't worry about taking so long, it's grand, I know you are super busy and sure the House Cup is on so everyone is distracted by that :-)
I am so glad you like the idea of Gawain, because the owl is going to be important later on in the story. I'm beginning to get very fond of him actually, so I'm so relieved you think he's good, because it would have been soul destroying to have to write him out of this fic - so cheers for that :-)
I am also glad that you liked his parents reactions here too - I loved how you summed it up, they want him to be happy, but it's always hard letting go. Brilliantly phrased, hit the nail on the head!
I am also very relieved you liked the Greyback vein. It's going to be very important later on, and there will be a conversation between Remus and McGonagall (though I may change it to Dumbledore, still unsure), which will basically be that - discussing the difference between Remus and Greyback, the difference between what is right and what is easy.
Again, I am so so so so so sorry about all the typos, I feel like a right eejit right now for not spotting them, but there you are - thanks a million for pointing them out, and I've fixed them, so it's all good! :-)
Also, saying that this story made you love the character more than before you started reading is probably one of the highest complements I could ever get! I nearly hit the ceiling. There is this person on tumblr that hates Remus so much, and it really gets on my nerves, you know? I sort of started writing this story to prove this person wrong, to prove that Remus is a great character, that Remus isn't some selfish git that dumped his wife when she got pregnant, because he was a coward. I don't just want to tell the story of his life, I want to tell the story of his pain, and provide reasons why he did the things he did, just to show everyone why he is a fantastic character and why he is my favourite character overall, because I love him so much, more than I have ever loved a fictional character (though I also have a huge soft spot for Mad-Eye Moody too).
Anyway, thank you so much for your review. I am always very nervous about a chapter until I see your opinion, only then can I breathe easy. Next chapter will be up on Friday and I will drop by your thread and request a review for it when it's up - as long as that is alright with you!
Thanks so much again, I really appreciate this, I honestly do! :-) Report Review
Sorry it took so long to write back, I've been so busy lately.
I got the info that Remus was bitten at age four from Harry Potter Wiki. If you go on the article "Remus Lupin" it says under the headings "Relationships" and then "Family" in the first paragraph. But I don't know where they got this information, so I can't know if it is true (not blaming, just saying).
This chapter is amazing. I think you did well where Remus was worrying about getting friends and his lycanthropy and all that, he would have been just so worried and I think you did a good job of how he was feeling. I know you hear this a lot, but I can't wait for him to meet the Marauders. :-)
Wonderful job, keep up the good writing! 12/10
By the way, you would win gold if they put writing fanfiction in the Olympics. Just to show some team spirit.Author's Response: Cheers for the review - don't worry about taking so long to reply to my question in the last review response - I completely understand that people are busy - it's grand, no worries.
Yeah, I saw the info about Remus being four when he was bitten on HP Wiki, the only problem is that that fact isn't referenced, so I don't know where it came from and it could be wrong. It could be someone guessing or making it up - you know? I love Harry Potter wiki - it's a brilliant site, but I have found mistakes in it in the past, and I just don't trust little snippets of information like that that aren't referenced. Now, if it were referenced to something, then no problem, I'll go back and change Remus's age in my story from five to four, but because there is no reference, I'm going to leave it as it stands (just because him being five suits me better than him being four!) - but thanks very much for pointing that out though - I appreciate it. I'm a sucker for canon so I like to have things following the canon JKR layed out.
I know you're excited about the Marauders coming into the story, I am too, I can't wait to share some of the chapters I've written with you guys, I just hope they are alright. I've done the best I can, so hopefully I don't disappoint you all - the pressure is on, and I'll give it everything I have, and hopefully it will be enough to do justice to the great characters that are the Marauders. Snape, Lily and Peter will be appearing in the next chapter and there will be a reference to James and Sirius, but officially the four boys don't meet until chapter 12 - so keep an eye out. I am currently eight chapters ahead of what is up here, and I put up a new chapter every second Friday, so today week is when chapter 11 will be up!
Thanks so much for the 12/10 - you really make me smile. But I don't know about winning gold at the fanfiction Olympics though, there are stories up on this site far better than mine. But building team spirit is always a good thing, especially seeing that we have the Olympic opening ceremony tonight! C'mon Ireland!
Anyway, thank you so much for your review - your feedback really means a lot. Thank you so much, and as I said, next chapter will be up today week, so keep a look out :) Report Review
Okay, I'm a grammar Nazi, but this, I could forgive. Why? Because you left an impression on the reader. Despite the horrendous grammar of a three year old Remus, this was very well written. I really like that you started the story with this: a non-canon memory that changed the character forever. I like how it's all from a three year old's perspective because you took something that we know and understand and gave it a new meaning through different eyes. I love that! I liked (hated?) the irony when Mr. Lupin tells Remus that he's going to live for a hundred years - way to wake up my sad feels :( But this was so well done. Kudos to you for pulling off the three year old speak so awesomely! Yay! :) Anyway, I'll be coming back for more soon ;) This was such a brilliant start. 10/10Author's Response: Cheers! I'm a grammar Nazi too, so I understand where you're coming from - that's what made me so apprehensive about this story, because I was making deliberate and intentional grammar mistakes, and I thought it would put people off or else wreck their head while they tried to read. But to hear from another grammar fanatic that they can forgive the deliberate mistakes here, really means a lot - so cheers for that! :-)
I'm glad you liked the three year old perspective though. So many stories just either start when he was bitten, then jump until he is starting Hogwarts or else just start with him going to school. I just felt that there was a lot more material in his early childhood and should be explored. And in this novel I don't just want to trace the story of his life - I want to tell the story of his pain - because I think a lot of his pain is overlooked by most people - death marked his life just as painfully as it marked Harry's and that is something I want to capture. I want to give reasons why he is the character he is when we meet him during Harry's time. I want to document what I think are the influences that moulded him into the man we know. I just thought there was a lot of material to be explored in his early childhood so I went with this. I just felt that I had to write it from a three year old's perspective because I want this story to seem real, I want the perspective to grow as Remus grows - I just figured that was the only way to properly capture his life. Plus this was the only way I could properly capture the loss of innocence - it is all the more moving if it is actually told in a voice of such a young child.
Sorry about waking up sad feelings there with regard to Remus living for a hundred years. I know he doesn't, but his dad does not know that, and it's every parent's wish that their child live a long and full life, so I just felt I had to include that line, even though it is ironic and sad and tragic because we all know how this ends.
Anyway, thanks so much for all the nice things you've said. And if you do indeed come back for more, I hope you enjoy the rest of it.
Thanks again :-) Report Review
You capture Remus so well - I mean it - he has never felt this real to be more in any fic I've read!
But does this mean the Marauders are coming in the next chapter??? You have NO IDEA how excited that makes me feel - if you write them as brilliantly as you write Remus, this will then be the MOST EPIC fic around, well it already is the most epic fic, but it will get even more epic and brilliant and amazing (not that it isn't already, because it is - best fic ever!!). Now I'm even making sense so I should just stop!!!
Can't wait to read the next chapter (I seriously can't, I mean it - I CAN'T!). LOVE THIS STORY!Author's Response: Thanks a million, I am so glad you think I capture Remus's character right!
With regards to the Marauders in the next chapter - you will see Snape, Lily and Peter a good bit, and a reference to James and Sirius, but officially the four won't meet until the following chapter - Chapter 12. But they are coming, don't worry, I just hope when they do appear that you find their characterisation alright! I've done my best, so hopefully it will be enough, if you've any suggestions of anything, please let me know!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing - I really appreciate it :) Report Review
I LOVE THIS STORY! YOUNG REMUS IS JUST SO ASDAKFJDLSGHASDLKF'ASLKGHAKSDJFL;!Author's Response: I don't quite get what you mean at the end there - but thank you! I am so glad you are enjoying this story! Thanks so much for being the first reviewer on this chapter - I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Oh my gosh. I really don't know what to say. I'm pretty speechless right now, but I'll try and find something to say.
Right. Remus... oh gosh.. he's perfect. He's so young and so adorable - the whole bit where he's talking about how he's three and Daddy says three's small but he thinks it's big is just so cute. The way you've written this is incredible - I have a cousin around Remus' age and I can just imagine them talking to me like this. Although, you know, hopefully not saying this story.
The tale of the gnome - I just loved it. Just loved it. It explains so much about Remus, you know - where he got the whole idea of being a killer from and why he fought so hard against the wolf, because he'd been fighting against the idea of being a killer for so long. Gah, poor Remmy! I just want to hug him!
Also, I adored the character of his dad. He was fabulous - so realistic and so utterly dad-like, if you know what I mean :D The tears, the anger, the smiles - they were always, always perfectly in character, perfectly timed and just perfect. They fitted in so well with the story and really added so much more to the story that I, as the reader, can understand but Remus can't, which makes it just so much more heart-breaking.
I thought the way you had Remus' dad explain death to him, with the idea of a soul, was really very bittersweet. Sweet because it's just the right way to explain something so complicated to a small child, and bitter because, well, he shouldn't need to be explaining it, really. In a perfect world, it wouldn't have been necessary - but it's not a perfect world because it's Remus and his whole story is just so beautifully tragic and you've started it so, so well.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this so much - this will be being added to my favourites as soon as I've finished writing this. Gah, so incredible. So, so good!
And Seamus Heaney is win. Just saying!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: FINALLY!!! Finally someone acknowledges the Seamus Heaney quote! YES! Thank you so much for that! I am so glad you liked the quote! I love Seamus Heaney - he's my favourite poet! I actually got to meet him about three yeas ago and I actually cried afterwards! That could only be topped by meeting JKR!!!
Anyway, thank you so much for your review! I am so happy you liked the way I captured Remus here. I wasn't sure if people would go for it or not (I was kinda afraid that all the grammar mistakes would get annoying, but that does not seem to be the case - thank Merlin!!!). I am so glad you think it's realistic and that you think your young cousin would sound the same! I spent a very long time trying to get the voice right, so just to hear that you think it's authentic really makes my day - thanks so much! :-)
I am relieved that you liked the gnome idea. When I sat there writing it, I had to stop and take a step back for a few moments. I thought that maybe it was a bit too dark, you know? But life is dark at times, so I just felt I had to go with it - yes, you're right in what you say about Remus not wanting to be a killer. In this whole fic I just want to capture his whole life - and how his life experience made him who he was, you know? I want to provide reasons why he left Tonks, why the Marauders' friendship meant to so much, why he struggled on when he was alone, why he got involved in the order, why he was so severely self-depricating. So I'm glad you are picking up on little stuff like that!
I am so glad you liked Remus's dad too! Because I didn't really have much to go on with him, just that he insulted Greyback and tried everything to heal his son, so he's mostly an original character and just to know that you find him believable and convincing it just great - thanks so much for that!
I'm glad you thought the chapter was bittersweet - because it sets the tone for the whole novel, as you said, everything in Remus's life will be bittersweet, because we all know that once he finds a small grain of happiness in life, death will take it from him. So bittersweet is what I am aiming for here, because his life is so tragic, and I just want to capture it as best I can. I want to do justice to Lupin, because he's my favourite character, because I love him so much, because I geniunely feel he deserves a book of his own, to tell his story, because the films never EVER did him justice.
Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and thank you so much for adding it to your favourites - that just leaves me speechless, because I still can't believe that people actually like this story!
Thanks so much for all the kind things you said - I really REALLY hope you enjoy the rest of it, and there's much more to come too. I just hope I don't disappoint!
TLM Report Review
wow! that was such a terrific chapter, with one of the best happy endings that says it all: he's going to hogwarts (yipee!). and i think you write dumbledore SO well, like i feel like he came right out of the books and into your story here (though technically it's the same story, just part of the larger Potter universe, but let's not get technical).
i did notice that dumbledore seemed to take his hat off twice (or am i just imagining things?) and i assume remus' dislike of tea...he grows out of it?
anyway, awesome chapter and i can't WAIT for him to meet james sirius and peter. (woohoo)Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you thought I did Dumbledore well. He caused me an immense amount of trouble. You have no idea, I was pouring over the books, reading and re-reading everything do to with him, studying it, just to make sure I got something that somewhat resembled Dumbledore. So I am quite relieved that you think I did him well.
No, you are not imagining the hat between taken off twice. I sort of interpret the gesture and taking the hat off and putting it back on... or at least that's the gesture I know, you sort of lift the hat off your head a little, then return it to your head. I had him do it to Remus's dad, then to Remus himself, as a mark of respect, where Remus is being treated en par with his dad... if that makes sense...
Yeah, dislike of tea will be something he grows out of, I'm just going along the line where most children hate tea, but it's something they grow to like as they get older, or at least that's my experience of tea... I've never known an 11 year old to ask for tea or to drink it... based on my experience anyway...
Next chapter will be up on Friday, so keep an eye out. Thanks so much for the review, I really appreciate it :) Report Review
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