Ah, the imagery, the poetry, the grace! So lovely.
Ariana's not the most popular canon character, and one of of the tougher ones, I'd say. Her backstory, the trauma, her life after the incident make her one complicated girl to write about. It takes guts to attempt anything of the sort, and guts is one thing I admire in authors above all.
So, ten/ten for imagery and emotion, a gold star for an unorthodox and daring subject and good luck with all your projects -) Report Review
This story amazes me, it's so different to anything else I've read. You seem to have a really good idea about Ariana's character, and the details and descriptions in this are fantastic!
I loved chapter one, but I feel the story is beginning to take a bit more direction now, which only makes me want to read on!
Great story! :)
-accioHPFFAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :D I know where I'm going with this now, and I hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
This was, there is really no other word for it, beautiful. I adored your first paragraph. Time was as dead as I was.. This was so true and it really stuck with me. We do wish, of course, that everything would get better with us, but it is us who have to change, in the end, isn't it?
Ariana's utter sadness was so heart-wrenching and infectious, I could not not feel so sorry for her. Your imagery is utterly fantastic. Your writing is so awe-inspiring. Somehow, you managed to portray the horror and -sigh- gloom by the bright and pretty surroundings; it only reasserted her pain.
I don't think I can say it enough times- you are a fantastic writer- you definitely inspired me to improve my own writing, :P Report Review
Wow, this was really good!
Your descriptions were brilliant. Your choices of words were amazing too.
I think that you got inside Ariana's mind really well, and her outlook on things was fantastic!
This is really brilliant, and I would love to see where the plot goes, because there was little plot in this, as it's the prologue. I can't wait to see where you take this story!
-accioHPFF! :)Author's Response: Thanks very much :D Yeah, the prologue is just a setup for the rest, though plot is a slow-burner on this one. Report Review
Hi, it's Chocolate_Frog here with your requested review. :) (My apologies for the lateness.)
I thought this piece was absolutely beautiful, in that haunting way. Your descriptions are just flawless, and adds to the sorrowful peacefulness that is this story. (Eh, that last part made sense in my mind... Moving on.)
Your characterization of Ariana seemed perfect. I like how even in the afterworld, she is still tormented by past memories, and people seem to pass her by as invisible. It wouldn't make sense that she'd just instantly forget her past sorrows just because she was dead, so good job on that.
One thing I'd like to mention:
+ Possibly many of the dead who entered the white world got lost in the trees, forever searching for a way out but the Orchard had no end.
^ There should be a comma after "out", since it's currently a run-on sentence.
Overall, it was a great read... Thank you for requesting! :)
~Chocolate_FrogAuthor's Response: I know what you mean - I try to create an ethereal atmosphere to this story and I'm trying to describe things as sort of calm and peaceful. Yet the whole thing is sad, so I think that shows too.
I'm glad you liked the characterisation of Ariana, I've tried really hard to get her as close to canon as possible.
Thanks for pointing that out, I will edit it :)
Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
Oh wow. This was a really beautiful chapter. You have created such an interesting place and because of your descriptions I can really see it around my room which makes the story even better in my opinion. This is so different from your other story it's amazing the transitions you can make. I know I can't do that so I must learn from you when I read your stories and I do. I really do. I wonder what you have in store for us and I have a question, how does time work in Strawberry Hill?Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Ah, I'm glad you asked about time. If you imagine it just as a basic consciousness when they're in the white world, that things move along when they're "awake" so to speak, and in between that time things happen or move along. Much like when you awake from sleeping - though to you it feels like not that long has passed, you're aware you've slept for 8 hours or whatever. You know that because you can see it on a clock. In this story, Ariana can see how much time has passed through visits to the living world. If Aberforth is 25 years old, she can work out how old she is. It's also important to remember she ages, so although the world itself isn't aging, she does and you can tell how much time has passed by how old she is. I hope that makes sense haha!
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really enjoy this story. Your imagery is amazing! I think you've got the characterisation of Ariana right, I mean, we didn't see much of her in the books (I think she was only in one chapter in DH) so I can't really comment Canon-wise, but I still think she is really good :)
The continuity of the two chapters was good but slightly confusing. I mean, is chapter two happening straight after chapter one or has they're been a time difference? Maybe putting dates or how many days she has been at Strawberry Hill (eg, day 1, day 2) might make them flow a bit better? Just a suggestion :)
Good luck with the rest of this amazing story!
*jaz, 9/10Author's Response: I'm glad you think I've got Ariana right - it was really important for me to develop her in a way that fits with the books.
As for time - that will come into it later, but there's not really a "time" in that world. You have to watch for markers when she visits the people still alive. Like with the scene with Aberforth at her grave - he's described as being fairly young, so we can assume this chapter is set around a few years after her death because she died when she was fourteen and Aberforth was a few years older. Specific days aren't really important, it's the general progression. But I'll try and be more specific in future :)
thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Here with your review!
I loved the way you have written this chapter, it's brilliant! I like it how you haven't told us her name yet and only used imagery/memories for this chapter, it really set this chapter up :)
I can't really comment on characterisation yet, but I will in the next chapter! The first line and the last line were really good. Anyway, onto the next chapter :)
*jaz, 10/10 because your imagery was just that amazing!Author's Response: You're right, the first chapter doesn't do much to reveal what the plot is, because it's the first glimpse into her mind. I suppose the important thing to take away from it is that despite the calm surroundings, there's something troubling her.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
The first thing that struck me while reading this is the beautiful depth and style of writing you have. Even though I didn't really see a plot and am not usually a fan of angsty/solemn, almost poetic writing I was drawn in by th perfect emotion and truly your writing style. It's gorgeous!
It's also such an original idea. I've never read a fic about Ariana before (although the only way we know its about Ariana is through the summary) and it was a lovely experience :)
LWG xAuthor's Response: Haha yeah, there's not so much of an immediate plot to this. It's going to be a long-term build, so to speak, so you'll have to stick with it to reap rewards!
I'm so glad you liked my style, it's something I really enjoy writing so to know you enjoyed it too really makes me happy :D thank you! Report Review
Wow, this story is really intriguing! I'm so interested to see what happens and perhaps why it is happening. I haven't read the orange tree story so I might have a look at it next :) I really love the way you have written this and it is so original and interesting to read :D You are so amazing in the way that you can write so many genres so well!Author's Response: Thank you! My problem is that I like to try something different every time I start something new. That's how I ended up writing Just Rose, because I'd never tried humour before and I refused to admit I couldn't do it.
Sitting in the Orange Tree took me such a long time to write, but I enjoyed writing it so much. If you do look at it, I'd be thrilled, but I don't think it's necessary to read this. They're both stories about closure in their own ways.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hi! Review tag!
This is a really beautiful oneshot! I think I have read '...Orange Tree' at some point a while ago, and I think this is a nice companion to it. You get Ariana down nicely, and give her a character despite the lack of which we see in the canon. Your prose is beautiful, and you depict so much with your descriptions. They're very clear and concise, and a joy to read.
I can't really think of any criticisms :) Great job!Author's Response: Hi! This is actually a short story, not a one-shot, but I can how you thought it could stand alone :)
thanks so much for the review! Report Review
First paragraph squee: YAY this is something that corrects a common fall-back phrase that I have actually trained myself to hate--when people say time heals everything. TOSH I SAY. Sometimes there's just a real lack of emphasis on people fixing their own situations, or at least trying. Too many people/stories I read seem to want to fall back on the phrase, or the idea, that with time things got better. It's not as simple as that--Time, as you say here, is indifferent to our suffering. It's people who change, not time who changes people. So, basically, I love your first paragraph :3
I love the imagery here--I've read Sitting in the Orange Tree (SORRY FOR NOT REVIEWING THAT D:) so I understand that basic concept of this kind of between-after-life thingy. Although that description right there, between-after-life-thingy may shed considerable doubt upon my understanding :P I find it intriguing that in this world people pass her by; that while other people have other places to go she is here and it's her destination. Life is like that, I think. We all move in different ways, but compare ourselves to others anyways--even when comparison is moot. And it's also interesting that even though this is her stop she's not healthy here--she's rotting and her bones are like trees and her heart is unhealthy and all that little detail. I love how condensed this is. Every word is a piece of information, but sometimes more beautiful than that.
You've created something here that sort of rolls in on itself with all of its contradictions but it still spans time--she is haunted by her past but she's the one who tells others to move on--her flesh is spotless but she's rotten inside--it seems there's not any physical nourishment here? so the strawberries taunt her--just that she lives in a place that's most people's stop is interesting.
I'm not a big fan of big-tone pieces--even for drama I like a closer experience, right inside the ripping heart--but this one works for me. It's just right--it borders something that might be too much but it stops just in time and sort of makes you think about how many of the contradictions you've shown happen, just day to day, when we're not thinking about them like people aren't thinking of this world you have created.
I love this piece; I hope you find the inspiration to continue! :DAuthor's Response: Wow, this is an awesome review! The tone for this ended up being a lot darker/bitter/whatever than I'd first intended, but when I sat down to write it it just sort of happened :P thank you so much for reviewing :) Report Review
This is really interesting. I'd love to see where it goes from here. It sounds great :) The forest sorta reminds me of a scene in The Magicians Nephew. I think your description was amazing. It's really beautifully written too :) I'm looking forward to chapter 2!
~LilyAuthor's Response: Thanks very much, Lily :) Report Review
Wow, what an interesting read! I really enjoyed that, it was so unlike anything I've read before on this archive. It was gripping from start to finish but it was just so - for lack of better word atm - random that it took me quite by surprise but I still loved every word!
You are a very good writer m'dear, you did an excellent job of engaging my attention and as you said in your authors note, I found this easy to read and pay attention too, even if it was a spin off of another story (which I might go check out very shortly to be honest lol).
I found Ariana's character gripping and her depression intoxicating! I just wanted to help the poor girl!!! I have no idea where you're going with this (as I'm assuming there's more with this being the prologue) but I do hope you update soon, it was quite an enjoyable, dark read.
That was the other thing I liked, it was really engaging because of the contrast in the mood and the sceney. The scenery you created was so bright and happy, but the mood throughout was so dark and gloomy and spun its evil upon the bright world that it really had a strong impact. I quite liked that, well done!
Can't wait to read more, good luck also in the Blue vs. Bronze Battle lol :)Author's Response: thank you very much ^.^ Report Review
Having never read the original or Sitting in the Orange Tree, I'll have to say that I love this chapter. While I haven't really a clue of what is going on, I'm still intrigued. This white world is fascinating and slightly terrifying.
I didn't find it too confusing, given that I had no idea about this being a companion piece to Sitting in the Orange Tree. Though, I think a bit of information from that to this would make it easier on new readers such as myself. For all I know, you have done this of course. But I wouldn't have had a clue without having read the author's note at the end.
I still loved this though. The imagery use is amazing. I love the way that I could picture everything that happened. Like the tree tops grow and forming a canopy over the Orchard. It was lovely. It is fabulous.
It is lovely, Marina! Really. I love it. And can't wait to read more to find out what I don't know.Author's Response: thank you for the feedback, Len :) Report Review
Marms, it's people like you who make me feel rubbish about my writing. :P
This was so beautiful, dreamlike and wonderul. The description was so strong that I felt as if I were standing right next to her, watching her movements and feeling her emotions. Truly beautiful work here. I was actually reminded of The Lovely Bones film, when she's stuck in the in between world, or the 'white world' as you call it. Which isn't a bad thing, by the way :)
I don't really have much else to say here apart from that it was stunning, stunning, stunning. Fishing for reviews, you swine. ;)
ILY XXXAuthor's Response: ILY MORE. I was not fishing! I just need it to make sense to newbies! And you know, you shouldn't feel rubbish, you write in a genre that is extremely hard to master and I am totally scared of it. Though I did write one action/adventure, it sucked. But anyway, my point is actually THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU and DON'T CALL ME A SWINE.
xxx Report Review
I've never read an Ariana piece before and I really found myself interested in this one chapter. It was written beautifully, I...I feel like it fits in well and explains her character so much. I really don't know what else to say except excellent job.Author's Response: thank you very much! I'm so glad to know you enjoyed it. thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
I still love it, even more than before, Marina! You've really captured Ariana's voice and I'm looking forward to seeing how you write her in dealing with her past. If any minor character in the HP universe has had a tough life, it's Ariana Dumbledore. And your writing is as beautiful as ever with the description, extremely vivid. Keep up the excellent writing... er, rewriting! (: 10/10Author's Response: ah, thank you so much, Leslie! It was really scary decided to delete the old version and just start again, but I've been wanting to for a while and I'm so glad I did. I really enjoyed writing it again; it had been too long :) thanks lovely! Report Review
wow, when I first saw that this story had only 1 chapter again, I was so confused, but then I read it, and I think that this rewrite does make sense without having to read Sitting in the Orange Tree. I can't wait to see more about Ariana, wonderful story so far! :)Author's Response: You have no idea how much it means to me that you came back and read this again, even after I decided to scrap the first one and start again. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for coming back and reading and reviewing again :) Report Review
This is so, so gorgeous and it is worth you coming back to it. I would love to be able to pin my penname to something this beautiful and I hope you appreciate just how fantastic it is.
SITOT will always have such a strong place in my heart as the moment I realised exactly how good an author you were. Gone temporarily was the scary when I started reading it, replaced by complete awe and admiration for you. It's probably pretty safe to say that my writing owes a lot to you and yours.
This is no exception. In just a few weeks, you've written humour (♥), heartbreaking angst (♥) and this which is angsty, yes, but so much more. It's so deep and thought-provoking and you never cease to amaze me. Your writing range is stunningly diverse and always drags the reader so deeply into it. I wish I knew how you managed it.
I'm really looking forward to the development of Ariana's character in this. She plays such an important role and I can't wait to see how you take her and reveal her thoughts and feelings on being trapped in this world.
I'm just rambling so imma stop and speak to Molly :P I know you'll hate to reply to this so really, it's for your own good!
xxxAuthor's Response: You always make me feel so good! I really don't deserve all this praise, especially not after it took me SO long to rewrite it. But I won't let you down, I want to write more updates soon :D
I don't know how I manage it... usually I open up MS word, then start typing. Occasional deleting, sometimes editing, then I post it. ta-da :P
haha, i love you ♥ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection