I've been meaning to read this story forever - I've heard nothing but amazing things about it and I can see why. I think it's beautiful. It's so incredibly visual, I can picture everything in my head as I read.
I think it's a really great beginning to a story. Even just the opening lines were great. I love stories that don't just start with the facts or reveal the entire premise. I liked that it began with her talking about Africa and how much she liked it, and then how Africa tied in with the rest. That worked really well.
Anyway, I thought it was really good. On to the next chapter(:Author's Response: I am so flattered and honoured that you're reviewing this. With older, completed fics, they tend to get buried under all the new stuff so it really thrills me to see that you've come back to this to give it a read. It's one of my favourite things I've written so it's got a special place in my heart.
Thank you so much for the review :) Report Review
sorry it took me so long to do this review.
So first off, I'd like to say that your an amazing writer. You have a unique way of describing things without overdoing it, your descriptions emphasize aspects of the scene or mood that I wouldn't have thought of- but are so vivid and contribute to the flow of the story nicely. This is an amazing story idea, and you've established Aurelia's character easily in just this chapter. Luna's characterization is also spot on, truly impressive. The way you convey the scene, only letting the readers in on what's happening as aurelia discovers it is very effective.
My favorite line:
"my vision went blurry, dimming some of the eternal whiteness that was my surroundings"
Great Job!Author's Response: thank you so much :) this story is really close to my heart so to hear/read such lovely things about it really makes me happy! thank you thank you! Report Review
Beautiful, simply beautiful chapter once again.
Such a pleasure to read even though the emptiness is becoming more and more oppressing. I really enjoy reading it, it flows so carelessly and doesn't get redondant.
I like the characters you bring in; they lighten up Aurelia, make her see death isn't so bad and yeah, you've left people behind but they can still go on.Author's Response: thank you very much! You reviews made me smile! Report Review
Another brilliantly written chapter.
It was so touching to follow Aurelia as she accepts her situation; so well written and emotionaly intense.
I really enjoy where this story is going, no matter how slowly it is going there, the pleasure is all in the journey, right?
Great work, so very powerfull and heartwrenching.Author's Response: This story is so close to my heart, it was a real journey writing it. Others have commented that it is on the slow side in the past, but it's not listed as action/adventure - it's an exploration of characters and grief and their emotions. I hope I have done that justice :)
thank you so very much! Report Review
What a great opening chapter! It's so touching and emotional, I really enjoyed it.
I like your choice to write this story from a first person point of view, it gives a unique and definitly more personal feeling. The character seems like such a lovely and loving person, you describe her in a way that is so special and yet, so in tune with her daughter. I found you nailed her personality according to how her daughter turned out; this is the kind of woman that could have raised little Luna and help her become who she did.
All in all, a great en engaging introduction, great work!
AkussaAuthor's Response: wow, thank you so much! I actually went back to edit this chapter because it's my least favourite of the lot :P but generally, you have to read the first chapter before the rest, so I have to live with that :P
thanks so much for your kind words and support. and for the review, of course! Report Review
It's so cute somehow how the orange tree is for Aurelia like her favourite chair or something like that and she keeps sitting there feeling content. I also like the way the seasons change. It doesn't bother her much but it's a bit of a change, so the rain is like watching the rain from indoors in a warm and dry room (with a cup of something nice and hot).
I love the memory scene! You reveal what is happening just little by little. And of course - the memories in pensieves are some silvery stuff, like this little pool of it. I first thought that Luna was badly injured or something so she was half in the world of the dead. But that scene, like the whole chapter, was brilliantly done!
I wonder about her realisation that the magic comes from her and not the wand. Was she maybe a bit insecure about magic and maybe in general when she was living, as she realises that now?
The ending of the chapter is really sweet. First it was sad when she couldn't join in the Christmas celebrations, but then when she laughed I felt happy for her. Good job once again with the chapter!Author's Response: thank you so much, Annina! *hugs* ♥ Report Review
I'm back! :) I'm surprised I was only at chapter four when I started to read again now as it felt like I had really gotten inside the story. I still love this story a lot!
I have a question. Did you ever think of or get any inspiration from the song "Lemon Tree" while writing this story? This just makes me think of it. There seems to be the same kind of emptyness and loneliness in that song as in the world of this story. And of course the fruit trees. I think that's one thing that pulls me into this story, that you write the feeling or the atmosphere of the world so well. I can feel that loneliness and emptyness that she has which make her so frustrated in this chapter too. As you call it the white world I also get a feeling that there are not that much colour, even though the fruit trees might have colour, but around that it's bright and white. That makes it so dreamy too and the glimpses of the living world so colourful, earthy and solid. I like those glimpses to the world she has too. It's always interesting to see what she thinks about what is going on and her place in it and so sad when it's about Luna.
This is continuing to be a wonderful story! :)Author's Response: I haven't heard of that song, but now I'm very intrigued and I'll have to look it up :P
I've begun to love the crazy and unpredictable world that I created... It's addicting to write because there's so much potential. And no-one can tell me it's unrealistic because let's face it, even I don't know what it's supposed to be like :P thank you so much for the lovely review, Annina! *hugs tightly* Report Review
This was possibly one of the greatest stories I've ever read, it was so well written and beautiful. It made me tear up so many times and also reflect on my own life, not many stories have had that power over me! I'm so happy I took the time to read this and thank you so much for the time you spent to write it.Author's Response: I don't know what to say, except thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I loved writing it, I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it :) Report Review
Aww, Sirius! Great chapter, of course. When they were yelling for Harry and Luna, it was so heart breaking!Author's Response: aww, thank you! Report Review
Heartwarming is such a cheesy word and I hardly ever use it. But that's the only word I can use to describe this lovely chapter; heartwarming! :)Author's Response: cheesy words are good, but I think in this context heartwarming is flattering :P thank you so much! Report Review
Your imagination is awesome! I'm quite intrigued and very excited to read the next chapter. 10/10, of course!Author's Response: thank you very much, I keep it well polished :P thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Awww! The ending made me tear up. This is really interesting so far, such a unique story line. I love it!Author's Response: thank you so much :) Report Review
I absolutly LOVE this story so far! It has a lot of emotion to it, and it's so original! Love it! Have to keep reading! lol XDAuthor's Response: thank you so much, I hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
I thought that was really good, an interesting plot line (so far) and really mysterious
Just one thing... it seems to me that you use exclamation marks quite a lot... I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with exclamation marks, or using lots of them, you are just using them in places that I wouldn't really normally expect to see them. (In places that I would consider to be sad, or wistful, or wondering, rather than the emotions normally associated with exclamation marks - suprise, excitement, happiness etc.
For example - 'And unfortunately my poor Luna came into the cellar at just the wrong moment!'
Personally, I find it a bit odd that you would use it there... Wouldn't she be more sad that that had happened? That just makes it seem somehow slightly less tragic that 9 year old Luna walks in to see her mother die... you know? Maybe instead you could simply use a full stop, or dot dot dot? It just makes her seem like she is being a bit flippant (not really as serious as I would expect someone to be about something like that) Of course, this is all just my opinion
also - 'Where here is, I donít really know!'
That one sort of works, but I am not too sure about it... You see, it is hard to tell what sort of emotion she would be having about not knowing where she is, or what is happening to her, but I would think that she would probably be confused scared even... So it doesn't really seem to me that the exclamation mark would be appropriate
Sorry that I am not really giving you anything concrete, & it obviously doesn't affect the quality of the story very much, but it is just something that you may want to think about when you are rewriting
Also, the beginning seems a bit... well, I don't seem to be that good at putting what I mean into words, but to me it just seems like you're writing down her whole life story in one go, and it just seems a little like she is writing her biography, if you understand what I mean, and this can get a little boring, without anything much happening... I understand that you wanted to introduce your character, but you may want to consider breaking that up a bit throughout the chapter, or even throughout the story, rather than having it in one big block at the beginning
I hope that was helpful! And sorry for the slightly over the top worrying over punctuation!Author's Response: Dont worry, this is EXTREMELY helpful. I think I went back to edit this chapter last week and I stared at it with repulsion. My grammar certainly left a lot to be desired. I actually sort of gave up trying to correct it because I didnt know where to start. But everything you've pointed out here really gives me a place to start and so I have to massively thank you. Especially about the character introduction thing, because I've always felt there was something off about this chapter and nobody ever said anything. So thanks once again! *hugs* Report Review
This story was so completely compelling and beautifully written. You are now one of my favorite authors, period. This entire idea was brilliant and the execution was stunning. Not many things bring me to tears, but this did. I really don't even have the words to describe how utterly amazing this story is and how amazing you are for writing it.
My reviews are usually more lengthy and contain specifics of what I loved so much, but I loved everything and I simply cannot explain how wonderful this is.
But I do wish to thank you for writing this lovely work, it was fabulous to read it.Author's Response: goodness, I have no idea how to respond to this review, I'm so flattered and really very close to blushing. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it and thank you so much for taking the time to review! Report Review
Here for your requested review (finally) :P. Am sorry, I got busy, as usual :/.
Marina, I don't quite know what to say. This was- well, this was fantastic. I mean- um, wow. let me just regain my compusure, or whatever little of it I had before.
Let me just say- I've read this before, when I first came to this site, and it astounded me then. If possible, it astounds me even more today. I know you are a phenomenal author, but this- just wow. I am not sure how I am supposed to critique this, as there is clearly nothing to critique.
Firstly, the IDEA. Where did it come from? It's like- well, it's nothing I've ever seen before. The afterlife is an incredibly interesting thing in writing- we can never know anything about it while we live. Yet I have never seen anything remotely like this, and I loved it. I really and truly loved it.
Secondly, the characterisation. I commend you for taking a canoon character who is never seen, and making her completely your own. She is so completely her own person- I can see lovely traces of Luna in her, yet she is something different at the same time. She leaps off the page, as do all of your characters, really. She was so sympathetic, too- I really could feel for her, as she reflected on Luna and her husband. You made me sympathise entirely with her, in a situation in which I have no experience. It really is a testament to your skill.
I love the characterisation of Luna and Xeno, through the mentions Aurelia makes of them, and the funeral scene. I look forward to reading more about them :D. I loved that line about them wearing purple- it was so recogniseable, and it added a lovely touch of humour. How you included humour in this, I cannot tell.
I could squee for pages about this, I really could. I love everything, from the backstory you've given Aurelia to how we already know about her passions/favourite things, and the fact that she seems so REAL- her thoughts seem human. The one thing that can annoy me in novels is stories having huge, epiphany like thoughts ever few words. Luna's mum felt normal, and above all HUMAN.
'So I found it strangely ironic that the first funeral I attended was my own.'- this line was desperately sad. It made me want to hug her.
As for the description, well, it was out of this world. You've always had a knack for description- nothing is over or under described, and each word is so carefully chosen- I especially loved the description of eating an orange- you turned something mundane into somehting beautiful. I've heard the descriptions in this cited as dreamy and ethereal, and I really think they are. I just love them, and I want to marry them a little. They really make the story.
This is one of my all time favourite story on this site (hell, in real life), and I'm glad you've given me a chance to reread it. You've rekindled my love affair with it (that sounds a lot mor dirty on paper ;))
Also, you are my 100th review! Yay! -dances-
I shall review the next chapter when I have time- I adore this, and I really want to read more.
This is love, and I want to favourite it all over again.
xxAuthor's Response: thank you so much *squees* Report Review
Another great chapter!
I was wondering too how Beth could have a grandson. So now I got the answer.
The skeleton wood is really spooky and interesting. Good idea. I suppose dementors are some of what cause that too.
I especially like the little things you write into the story, like how she mentally draws a breath although she really can't breathe and how the tree forms iteslf for her here: "I mentally drew a breath and tenderly placed my bare foot on the trunk of the tree. It seemed to distort around my foot, creating a perfect step."
I love it how you intertwine the moments she experiences of her family's life with her time in the orchard. It's a very emotional moment when they wave off the children. I really like that bit too.
Are there oranges in the trees at all seasons? She seems to be getting oranges often, though I haven't really paid that much attention to what season it has been then.Author's Response: aww Annina, you're ever so kind. This story has really helped develop my descriptive skills so I'm glad you picked up on some of that. I really enjoyed the challenge. Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
I've actually read this chapter before and a little more too, but I didn't remember exactly how much I had read and what had happened so I checked it and saw I hadn't reviewed either. :)
I'm loving this story so far! It's such a dreamy unusual mood and of course an unusual idea. But it's not just the idea that's good; you write it well too. There's a really good flow in your writing and the most unexpected things somehow come naturally in. You get me into Aurelia's mind which is very much like Luna's; she is surprised by different things and wonders about things, but at the same time she doesn't find things really that strange. I love it too that the story gets us into a whole different new world in the afterlife (or the inbetween?).
What I'm trying to say in this weird ramble is that I really like this story! :)Author's Response: aww Annina! That means so much to me, you have no idea! I'm so glad that you can see Luna in Aurelia, I'd imagined that that's where her dreamy quality came from, as her father had the wacky ideas.
thanks so much! Report Review
I have to hand it to you, this is the most deep thinking story I've ever encountered, I'd have to say this is the best story I've ever read on Harry Potter Fan Fiction and that, I'd have to say, is saying something!
You have great talent, and all the thoughts you've put out to us through this story, i believe, are entirely right and true.
I really loved it. This story touched me.
Ava xxAuthor's Response: thank you so much, you're far too kind and I'm blushing like mad. thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
gosh wow that made me cry! I really love this story so far, I must keep reading!
Ava xxAuthor's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
In all honesty I have no idea why I didn't finish read this story the first time. I know in my message, I wrote that I felt like she would just be stuck in the white world forever, but even if I felt like that, the plot line was so intriguing!! I was absolutely transfixed from start to finish.
I have absolutely nothing I would suggest you change, whatsoever. I have NO IDEA, why you want to change anything in this story. I beg you, please please don't!
And thank you, for putting up with my very energetic reviews, haha. I'm sure your eyes must have popped out a little when I reviewed some in caps.. >.<
Thank you also, for requesting this story. I'm so so glad I got the change to read this! You're an amazing author, and this really could work as a book!! You would have to explain some character backgrounds, but other than that it would fit perfectly! Thank you again!!
KatrinaAuthor's Response: Katrina, you're an absolute doll, d'you know that? All your reviews gave me such a big grin and I am so grateful for all the time you spent reading and reviewing for me. thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
So manythings are going through my head right now. ahhh!
Okay, so first, I have to congratulate you for a feat that very few have done! That scene where Luna is in the Malfoy's dungeons with Ollivander almost made me cry!! The moment she said "Mr. Ollivander," I must have whispered "Oh no!" about five times! Tears actually flooded my eyes and threatened to spill over! I NEVER cry! In DH, I only cried ONCE, and that was when Harry was about to die and he said to Sirius, "Does it hurt?" That was it! I didn't even cry for Dobby!
So my almost-cry and many tears is equivalent to a Dobby Award, if you didn't realize. Haha!
WHAT HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT!!! -foreheadslap- Ariana, DUMBLEDORE'S SISTER!! Oh, I'm so frustrated with myself.
You, my dear, are turning into quite the JKR with all these hidden messages! Rawr!
Oh my, last chapter.
Here we go!Author's Response: ahaha yes, it is indeed Dumbledore's sister! I'm glad you didnt get it straight away, it's more fun that way, I suppose. Thanks so much for reviewing, I really hope you didnt cry too much! Report Review
I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT YAY!!!
Yet another two sentences review so that I may continue!
P.S.: the right hand, left hand reminded me of the Matrix (blue pill, red pill!)Author's Response: oh yes, I suppose it is like that! thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, well I was going to just go onto the next chapter without leaving another review, but I felt bad, haha!
As for the last chapter, once again a brilliant way of connecting JKR's story to yours! I got really really really excited when I realized it was the veil scene because I knew Sirius was going to die, and join them! And Sirius is my all time favorite character (in the series)! I thought he was going to start living in the white world!
Of course, I should have known better. Why would Sirius have any reason to stay?
Now for this chapter! It was all just really crazy and creepy, but in a good way of course! Everything's getting really random, and I like how had Lily explain it to Aurelia - that not everything can be understood! I really like how Aurelia has a soulmate in Lily also. Finally, she's no longer alone :)Author's Response: the veil scene was one I'd wanted to write ever since I first started writing this, so writing it for me was so cool because it meant I'd actually got somewhere. I'm really glad you liked it. As you saw, Sirius won't be hanging around. Dont ask me why, but that's just how my imagination was picturing it. it owns me :P
thanks for reviewing! Report Review
MARINA YOU ARE A GENIUS
NEXT CHAPTER BEFORE I DIE OF ANTICIPATIONAuthor's Response: YOU ARE TOO KIND BUT THANK YOU! Report Review
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