Reading Reviews for Saviour.
79 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Phoenix_Flames Impressionable

15th May 2009:
Hello, dear! Here with your review.

This was a very interesting story, and it seems like it's off to an excellent start. I know you will make this an incredibly unique and amazing story. I can't wait. ;)

I can't even tell you how unique this story is! Really! I know I say that a lot, but wow I mean it! Rabastan Lestrange! Who would'a thunk! :P

Brilliant, and I can't wait for the next chapters!


Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! haha, I'm glad you find this story unique. Rab is almost like an OC to me; I get full creative license on his character, just like Alanna's. It's fun and challenging to write a relationship where one character isn't already set in stone. Sometimes I feel like mini-Rab and mini-Alanna live in my head. ;)

 Report Review

Review #27, by rachm34 Bid for Freedom

11th May 2009:
I am of course interested in reviewing anything you wrote! Do I have time, this week? Probably not? Will I risk it? Definitely. This was a great update. I love your characterizations and everything. Great work

Author's Response: Thanks, I admire you so much for being a great reviewer. You always keep up with my updates and I'm sure you do the same for other people. I know you wanted me to review your new story, but I've been so busy with tests lately. I'll do it when summer comes [3 weeks or so] so I can give it my full attention like you deserve. Anyway, thanks for the review! =]

 Report Review

Review #28, by SpringTime Bid for Freedom

4th May 2009:
Here to review! So fglad I got this in tonight. It was worth staying up a bit later than I normally do. I think your portrayal of Rab is wonderful. I love how you portray his callousness. Poor Alanna, she needs to up and chop his bits off... Hm... crossover Loraina Bobbit fic ;) (I hope you know who that is, even if I might have spelled it wrong).
The part with Sirius was really nice too... how I love my doggie animagus. Really you do a wonderful job and I will now be adding this story to favorites so will know when you update right away!

Author's Response: Ahaha, Alanna SHOULD but unfortunately it would violate ToS. ;) I'll bring more of Rab's story into this shortly, so maybe he'll get more sympathy after that. I'm glad you like his portrayal, though. He IS extremely apathetic, almost cruel, but the sad thing is, there are plenty of people out there truly like that.

Yeah, I couldn't resist sticking Sirius in somehow. His 19-year-old self is so fun to write. Watch carefully, he might pop up again later! ;) Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #29, by alanapotter Bid for Freedom

4th May 2009:

Hope that helps you feel better about it! :]

I just ADORE these characters! You write them so wonderfully! My heart always starts racing when they argue like this and I really feel like I'm going through these same emotions, it's absolutely spectacular!

I like the way that this chapter was laid out too... the fight scene and all... very nice.

I love how he thinks of her as such a child, but at the same time a lot of it is his fault... he's the one who kept her cooped up in the house. That's a great thing you've been able to capture in his character... I don't think I have the words to properly explain, but I tried.

I can't complain about this chapter.. it's really wonderful, and I do love it! I can't wait to read more! Please let me know of any updates ;]!

Author's Response: Hiya, I'm glad you liked it so much. It does make me feel better, thanks! :) Alanna and Rab are pretty eccentric, so while it's difficult to write them, it's extra-rewarding when readers can relate to them.

Yeah, Rab is super contradictory [he's starting to slip up especially in this chapter] but as mean as he is, he shouldn't take all the blame. Alanna IS childish in some ways - and her personality kept her at home as much as Rabastan did. She's very confused. :)

 Report Review

Review #30, by confusedlover Bid for Freedom

4th May 2009:
very lovely.

i thought that this was an absolutely beautiful addition to what you have established so far. there is certainly a beauty to this that shines through and i must let you know that you honestly have not lost your style. you continue to rage on with different emotions and it is very nice to see that as an author you can continue on in the same style that you began. most authors end up changing halfway through but you are doing a very nice job with this.

your characterizations are very much intact and i have nothing to criticize you on in that particular department. your flow is also doing very well. there are a few areas where i think you are speeding up again but they are very minor and you have improved so much since the first chapter.

overall, i thought that you did an amazing job on this chapter. i have no idea how this is going to end but i mush express that i really like where you have taken this so far. nice work. keep on writing.

have a pleasant day.

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so much for leaving a great review. It's a relief that the characterizations are still doing well - such complicated characters living inside my brain can sometimes be a nightmare, and getting it all on paper is worse. ;) Anyway, this'll take a new turn very soon. Thanks again for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.


 Report Review

Review #31, by fred is dead Bid for Freedom

3rd May 2009:
First of all, I was very excited to see an update. And second, you haven't lost your touch. The wild emotions and mood swings in this chapter made me cringe, in both good and bad ways, because I feel the seams of Alanna and Rabastan's relationship coming undone, and it seems so painful to watch... yet I can't tear my eyes away! It was worth the wait!

And don't worry, I know you still have readers. I for one want to know how this ends because right now, I have absolutely no idea! Keep up the awesome writing :)

Author's Response: Wow, this review just made my day! I'm glad you're still following this, and what you described is exactly the reaction I wanted. Their relationship IS falling apart, but that's what happens when someone [Bellatrix, ahem] finally rocks the boat, huh? =]

And don't worry, this story is FAR from over. Alanna doesn't strike me as the type to take initiative without a push - and Rab's got some other stuff going on...It's about to get even more interesting! *evilgrin*

 Report Review

Review #32, by obviously394 Remembering

2nd May 2009:
hi, this is your exchange review from tgs :) sorry it's so late ... I kept forgetting whenever I was online ... And I'm writing this as I'm reading, so it may be a little scattered ;) And I'm just going to post this as one review, instead of one on each chapter, cause I'm lazy like that ;p

first off, I should warn you that your first chapter image is too big- it should be no taller than 300 pixels, and that's 372 pixels. And it can be no wider than 380 pixels, but you're narrower than that.

Your characterization is quite good. The only thing I would suggest is to do more show than tell. In the first chapter, you're simply telling us what Alanna and Rabastan are like, instead of showing us through their actions.

I like the general idea of the plot. It's not the sort of romance one usually

on to the second chapter ... this chapter image is too tall as well ;)

I like how tender he is with her, and how comfortable they are with each other. And how clueless she is as to what's going on. They stayed pretty well in the character you set up in the first chapter. Nicely done.

Third chapter- the line 'rare moment of peace' between them kinda sticks out. It doesn't seem like those particular moments are so rare ... I don't think Alanna, or Rabastan for that matter, would know what Voldmort's real last name was, I was always under the impression that the first generation of DE, the one's from Slughorn's memory, were the only ones who knew, and were probably forbidden to mention it.

I like how well he knows her, and how he's sort of manipulating her. I like how you wrote Bellatrix, it's pretty close to how I always imagined her when she was younger.

I LOVE the last paragraph - "The mounting pressure of frustration ... " one. The description is incredibly vivid.

Chapter four- Bella always seemed the sort to think very, very carefully about what she was about to say.

And everything falls apart. Nicely done. I like how you portrayed the house elf, it's compatible with canon.

Your image for the fifth chapter is too tall as well. Alanna would have come of age in her sixth year, or possibly the summer after, though being from an orphanage may not have been able to get her license, but she would have been taught how.

Another thing about the orphanage- poking holes in Alanna's feelings on Hogwarts: going by our two canon examples- Harry and Riddle- I think she would have loved Hogwarts. She probably wouldn't have admitted it, but I don't think she'd feel such animosity toward her time in school. Harry and Riddle always seemed to have the feeling that they were destined for greater things than Muggle life, and I think she'd be the same way.

Loved the flashback. Seemed appropriate, and probable. If that makes sense. Probably doesn't.

Anyway. I really enjoyed reading this :) Hope to see an update soon.


Author's Response: Wow, what a huge and extensive review! First, thank you for letting me know my images are too big. I'll take them out now. I thought the limit was 300 pixels wide, 380 tall instead of the other way around, oops!

I usually agree with show-don't-tell, but I needed to push in some info about their past, etc for the real story to make sense. Hopefully you found the other 4 chapters less tell and more show. =]

The "rare moment of peace" is not exactly peace, but rather how Alanna percieves the atmosphere at the moment. The difference is small: they could sit in silence, which is "peaceful", but Alanna could feel unhappy or dissatisfied.

You're probably right about Riddle, but the name Lord Voldemort would be famous by now, so Alanna would've heard of him. I'll need to think of a way for Rab speak of him that she doesn't know. By the way I'm glad you liked Bella. She was loads of fun before Azkaban, wasn't she?

Haha, the Lestrange house elves are not your typical house elves, but that comes later. ;)

Good point about the orphanage - she does think differently from Harry and Riddle. It might make more sense later as her [many, many] issues become apparent, but I'll try to make it clearer. Glad you liked the flashback, though.

Thanks for taking the time to write such a great review!


 Report Review

Review #33, by Tinkerbell01 Remembering

19th April 2009:
Well, hey. You have yet to disappoint me m'dear! I see nothing wrong with this chapter as far as I'm concerned. I loved the memory that Alanna had of Rab and her. Bit long, but who cares. :p It was really generous of her to give the old man TWO galleons for his playing. Well, maybe not for his playing, but to get him to go to St. Mungo's is my guess! :)

Great job hun! :)


Author's Response: Yeah, Alanna's not short on cash and she feels bad for the old piano man. I thought it'd be a nice gesture, even if she doesn't get out much. =]

Thanks again for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed reading.


 Report Review

Review #34, by Tinkerbell01 Search and Seizure

19th April 2009:
Hey hun!

Well, I have to say I almost forgot about your story! :( I've had so many requests for reviews since you requested last, it's rediculous! But when I read your summary again, it immediately clicked as to which story it was that I was reading! :p

Anywho enough rambling. :p

I think you did an amazing job with this chapter dear! :) Your descriptions are wonderful. I love how you describe Alanna's thoughts against Rab. It shows that even though things aren't working out the greatest for them in their relationship, that there could still be hope for her somewhere, somehow.

Flow seemed to go pretty good. I didn't really see any gramatical errors or anything like that. Keep up the great work! :)


Author's Response: Aww, I'm glad you're identifying with Alanna. I'm not sure if there's hope for her and Rabastan, but at least Alanna still thinks so. =]

Thank you for coming back and for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #35, by Tinkerbell01 Family Ties

9th April 2009:

Why would you be nervous? Your emotions in this chapter are beyond amazing. :) You've got more dialogue coming, which I like. But one thing that was bugging me was that Bella was a little TOO nice! :p Is this how she acted before she was hauled off to Azkaban? Hmm...

I think you have a great start here! Keep it up! :)


Author's Response: Strange, you're not the first to comment on Bella. I made her mean in an underhanded way [instead of outright homicidal] because Alanna is Rab's guest and a pureblood. Bella can have fun torturing her, but she has to keep some semblance of friendliness. I guess it's a shock to think about pre-Azkaban Bella because she's so crazy afterwards. =]

Thank you again for your reviews! I appreciate them.


 Report Review

Review #36, by Tinkerbell01 Impressionable

8th April 2009:
Hey there!

I think you have a great start here! Your descriptions are amazing. But I think you could use a little more dialogue.

I didn't notice any spelling mistakes or anything like that, so that's good! :)


Author's Response: Hiya, thanks for stopping by! I'm glad you liked the descriptions, and don't worry, there will be much more dialogue to come. Thank you again for the review!


 Report Review

Review #37, by confusedlover Remembering

19th March 2009:
very lovely.

i thought that you did an absolutely amazing job on this chapter. your descriptions were beautiful and accurate and the spacing made this chapter easily readable.

your characterization continued to prove its excellence. i loved how you seem so in tune with your characters. that one aspect is somewhat difficult to grasp yet when your tackle it, morphs into a part of your individual style. i like it when i find that the author knows where they are going with a story and what exactly they need to do to get there. when i see that, i know that a writer has talent and true passion.

the flow of this chapter was much improved. i think that it is due to the length, seeing as it is so much longer than the previous chapter but i think that either way, it is a nice thing to find. it proves that you have improved on something and that never fails to make me smile knowing that an author can always get better with experience.

overall, i thought that you did a wonderful job with this chapter. i loved how everything fit together and fell naturally into place. that proves grace and transitional ability and along with several other aspects, that is something that i look for when reading. wonderful job on this latest chapter. keep writing.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! I'm so happy that everything seems to fit together gracefully - it's one of my biggest issues for this story. Another one, characterization, you also complimented which makes me so relieved. Thank you so much for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #38, by rachm34 Remembering

17th March 2009:
Wow. Can i just say, Gaspard Ulliel is a frikken babe, and i would gladly marry him! haha. Okay now that i got that over, i promise i'll give you a good review. Well hopefully,if it's short i apologise.

You have an amazing word choice, i seem to get so sucked in with the words you are choosing. They are so amazing, and seemed as if you picked them so delicately. It adds a lot of depth to the story- creates lots of goody good imagery and that's amazing.

I love your descriptions, i can almost see this story playing out in my mind, as i read word for word. Great development in the chapter as well.

So good!

Author's Response: Gah, he makes me melt! And French, too. ;) I had so much fun picking out pictures of him to use as chapter images.

Wow, thanks. I do choose my words very carefully, because that's what I rely on to describe these crazy and complicated things Alanna and Rab have going on. Glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #39, by scarlett nixon Remembering

17th March 2009:
So I didn't go to sleep. I read this chapter instead! I enjoyed the beautiful memory and adore the old pianist. In my mind he's such a lovable old man.

Update soon, please?

Author's Response: LOLOL - I'll take that as a compliment! I liked the piano man, too. The whole time I was writing him, I kept on thinking of the song "Piano Man" by Billy Joel. =P

I'll try, but I've been super busy lately. Thank you for all your reviews!


 Report Review

Review #40, by scarlett nixon Search and Seizure

17th March 2009:
And the plot gets thicker! What a good read at 1 am! I'll read the rest tomorrow, but still, your story has me neglecting my bedtime, which goes to show how much I'm enjoying it :)

Author's Response: Yeah, even though this is a romance, I wanted there to be substance to it, not like those cheesy ones. And don't worry, I ignore my bedtime a lot, haha. ;)


 Report Review

Review #41, by scarlett nixon Family Ties

17th March 2009:
This chapter was so powerful. You painted such a vivid picture of Bellatrix through her conversation with Alanna. I was intimidated by her just reading this!

For the record, every one of your chapters exceeds my expectations!

Author's Response: Haha, good old Bellatrix. I wanted to paint her as something other than the insane bloodthirsty Black sister. ;)

Woohoo! I'm glad to hear that. Thanks for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #42, by alanapotter Remembering

17th March 2009:
Once again you have created a spectacular vision of Alanna. I love your descriptions, they're so specific and clear that I have absolutely no problems seeing everything happening right in front of my face, it's splendid!

Of course, the memory was fantastic! Showing how they first really got involved, I was really pleased to see it :] But I thought the interaction she had with the music and piano were stunning. The way they brought back that memory, how the music was able to calm her in a way it seems only Rabastan can... it's just beautiful.

"it had unfailingly always been deserted" -- this phrase seemed a bit repetitive with both unfailingly and always in there... they're essentially saying the same thing, so I would suggest taking one out... but that's me.

"Only moments ago had she been sure that she had met her end - that she would die from humiliation" -- the first 'had' makes this sentence really awkward to me...

"Nothingness had never seemed so addicting." -- I loved this sentence!!! :]

Again, you've masterfully depicted this character and the events you chose to play out, I can't wait to read more!!! :]

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for leaving such a long review. Glad you liked the memory - it was hard to write, compared to the other chapters. I liked the music part too. There will be more of that shortly. =]

I'm going to fix those sentences now. Thank you again!


 Report Review

Review #43, by elladora Remembering

16th March 2009:
Yeah I so like Rabastan Lestrange and your OC is just briliant.
I hope you update soon again!

Author's Response: Awesome! Thanks for reviewing! I will try to update soon.


 Report Review

Review #44, by SpringTime Remembering

15th March 2009:
Loved it! The memory of their first kiss was wonderfully done, and I like how you still encorporate the pendulum theme but not over much. Very nice work lady! My heart breaks for her and I can't wait to see where it is going to go from here. I hope for a happy ending on her part, but I can't tell it could go so many different ways. Anyway, loved it loved it loved it.

Author's Response: Woo! Thanks, I'm happy I did their kiss okay. I knew with a couple like Alanna and Rab a cute, fluffy, conventional first kiss was not going to cut it. ;)

Haha, I'm not saying anything about the ending, but there are SO MANY chapters until then that it doesn't matter yet.

Thank you for reviewing, and I will check out your story later tonight. =]


 Report Review

Review #45, by scarlett nixon Homecoming

15th March 2009:
The way you write this, I can actually feel all the tension and emotions within Alanna. It's absolutely fantastic! I'm in awe.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! Alanna is a very difficult character to write, so if you've connected with her, I've achieved my purpose. =]


 Report Review

Review #46, by scarlett nixon Impressionable

15th March 2009:
This is written so beautifully! I will definitely be reading the rest of your story!

Perfect 10

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you like it. =]


 Report Review

Review #47, by Leent Search and Seizure

19th February 2009:
Really loved this chapter. Your writing was concise and built a great tension into her emotional upheaval. The way you used the scent of the sheets througout the chapter, and how it led to her very exact conclusion, was utterly fantastic. I loved the analogies! Excellent use of adverbs and adjectives, wrapped neatly up in those darn sheets :)

"she could not dislodge the demons that Bella had unleashed. They cackled and clawed at her insides with their fiery fingernails, agitating her beyond tolerance" - that was so perfectly described, ouch!

I cannot wait to see where you further take this. Excellent chapter.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the descriptions and analogies. Honestly, as crazy as it sounds, I take a lot of that stuff from my own experience. Not that I have to put up with a Rabastan, haha. But once in a while I get demons that claw at my insides, too. =]

Thank you for reviewing! I'll let you know when the next is up.


 Report Review

Review #48, by SpringTime Search and Seizure

19th February 2009:
Hey, sorry it took me so long to get over here. I have been rediculously busy. Wonderful chapter. Might be my favorite so far. I loved the way that you described the sheets as having no real scent to them. I also like the way that you showed her turmoil and anguish and Rabastan's hesitance to leave knowing that something was definitely wrong. I await patiently for your next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Yeah, the sheets. I tend to associate smells and objects to the random moments of clarity that I experience, so I figured, why not Alanna too?

Thanks for dropping by! The next chapter is with my beta. =]


 Report Review

Review #49, by alanapotter Search and Seizure

16th February 2009:
Love love love love! That's all I can express for this story! The way Alanna is characterized and thinks with the whole idea of the swinging pendulum inside of her is just magnificent! Everything is hanging in this tense balance, and when it shifts, things get all messed around.

I also like this whole idea of wanting Rab out of the house for a bit, it shows the more independent side of her that the audience kind of knows about, but hasn't really seen much of because of Rab's involvement since the first chapter.

I also really liked how Bella got under her skin, how she's bringing up all the stuff Alanna doesn't really want to talk about... or tries to avoid. It's good to show that you can't run away from your fears or problems, a theme I think is really important for people to realize.

Not to mention that you always end your paragraphs with a short sentence that leaves the reader hanging, wondering what's going to happen next.

The story is just wonderful! I'm excited to read more of it! Any other questions, just let me know!

Author's Response: Awesome, I'm glad you liked my idea. Alanna's character was actually born from a burst of inspiration I got when I saw a pendulum in one of those tall clocks. =]

Yeah, wanting Rab out of the house was a BIG STEP for Alanna, one she'd never really taken before. Alanna also has a tendency to avoid and deny things, so I'm happy you noticed that.

Thank you for another great [and long!] review. =]


 Report Review

Review #50, by rachm34 Search and Seizure

15th February 2009:
This was absolutely another great chapter. Haha, I only have complements for you. I really like this chapter. It was shorter than the rest? no? But i think it fit right in.

I loved your descriptions, as always those are amazing. I feel as though descriptions are important to have in a story because you create such a strong visual for the reader. They can visualize what is happening so much better, and yours my dear are great.

I love your characterizations as well. Great GREAT JOB

Author's Response: Yeah, seems like it IS shorter for some reason. But the shortest one was actually the first chapter.

Awesome! Glad you could visualize it, because that keeps readers interested. Thanks so much for the review!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>