Harry's interactions with the minister are so spot on. When I read this story, I really feel like I'm reading more of JK's work. It's that good!
Another awesome job, dear! Harry's so grown up. :D
9/10Author's Response: :O
Biggest compliment ever? Yeah. Whenever someone compares even any little thing of mine to Jo, I get all mushy and flattered. :D Thanks a million!
~Gabby Report Review
Ahh! I can't believe it! I'm this far behind! No way!
I've got a lot of reading to do! I'm not going to give much input on this chapter. 1 Reason: Because I want to read the rest! 2 Reason: Because it's just that good that there isn't too much to say.
So I'm off to chapter 9! You left too much of an open-ended question! xD
10/10Author's Response: Hey Drue! No problem, I actually like people who leave short and to-the-point reviews because otherwise I sometimes have trouble replying, haha.
Glad you're enjoying it and thanks for reviewing!
~Gabby Report Review
Finally, I am here. I am so sorry that it took me so long, My husband and I baught a house that we have been fixing up... it is sucking all of my life away.
I liked this chapter, I wanted to punch Peterson in the head and am really interested in how Kinglsey is going to be able to continue to mask his knowledge (even after the memory spell).
I really loved your small little Ron/Hermione interractions (they are my favorite, can't help but love it) You did that beautifully and completely nailed it on the head from his blushing to her over analytical mind.
Next time I hope to get here sooner. Again so sorry that it took me so long.Author's Response: Congratulations on your house! That's great; I hope you're having a good time. And once again, I appreciate you following my updates & the lateness is nothing. =]
Haha, that's just the reaction I wanted. About Peterson, I mean. I made him over-the-top ridiculous, but just enough so that it was still plausible they would buy into it. After all, people will believe anything. ;)
That's a huge compliment, coming from a notorious R/Hr shipper! *squee* You know that I think nobody can write the Trio like Jo, but I needed them for this story. Glad I got them alright. Thanks for the review! =] Report Review
Ooh! I love the beginning: them planning out the attack. I remember Harry writing out the plans, but I never expected something like that! Really wonderful, getting the trio back together and all. And you've got them all spot on! I love how Harry and Ron double-teamed Hermione, very amusing, as well as the other little jokes you tossed in (or worded very carefully, whichever it was ;]). It was a good way to bring back what Harry was up to and elapsing the same amount of time that Kingsley took over in the last chapter.
Ahh! The meeting was brilliant! It's so similar to many of the revolutions we see in history: one upstart with his words of making the world a better place gathering people and trying to gain supporters. Amazing. The way you wrote his words, the formality, the emotions... they were all so dead on for someone of this stance I can't even describe it. Just plain amazing.
In that part though, these sentences stuck out a bit:
"Standing on a table in the front of the room, he looked around the crowded room" -- I feel like using room twice is really repetitive. Maybe 'standing on a table in the front of the crowded room" or replacing room with a synonym would work better.
"Nearly all of them each held tightly onto a steaming cup" -- each and nearly all of them are two different descriptions. when used together they are extremely confusing ;]
And the ending! You are just amazing. I'm always impressed by your work, it's so enjoyable and well thought out. I really can't gush enough :D I just loved the whole scene. Kingsley being all transformed and the way Harry and Scrimgeour reacted... the urgency in Kingsley's voice... the plan. All of it was brilliant. There's nothing else for me to say.
Spectacular chapter! I think this is my favorite so far! :D
I'm going to be closing my thread until I return from my trip to England once I'm done with the reviews currently requested, but I would be very pleased if you would PM me when you've updated. Or else I'll just have to make more of a habit of checking out my favorites page. Either way!
-JillAuthor's Response: Wow, what a long and yummy review! So glad you liked the Trio - I find them really hard to write so I avoid it most of the time. =] And Harry plotted to trick Scrimgeour into letting him see them to pass on his plans, remember? Plus I felt bad locking Harry up with the Minister when they don't like each other too much.
The meeting was extraordinarily hard to write. I wanted to make Peterson seem over-the-top and yet believable at the same time. Kinda like, the reader knows that he's crazy full of hot air, but everyone in the story is following him and it's realistic & logical that they would. Haha, in any case, glad to hear I pulled off the Robespierre revolutionary vibe. =]
I really liked the end part too, to give poor Scrimgeour some credibility in Harry's eyes. He really is a good guy. He's just...unfortunate.
I'll fix those sentences immediately; thanks for catching that. I FINALLY updated Saviour, so I'll PM you that. And no worries, I rarely check my favorites page either. I'm sure there's a whole list of updates waiting for me there. =]
Favorite chapter yet? Awesome! Thanks for reviewing, Jill!
Gabby Report Review
Hey, Hey, Hey, girl!
What's going on? This is another fantabulous chapter. I absolutely loved it. I loved seeing my favorite trio in there. YOu continue to write such a grabbing story, making the reader want to read on to see what is going to happen.
The one thing. Isn't Fire Whiskey two words? I'm not sure. I've always used it as two words but you might want to check on it. I saw you used it as one word one place
THat was fabulous. Lemme know when you update!Author's Response: Well, isn't someone chipper today. :)
I'm glad you liked the trio. I find them super hard to write so I was afraid I'd ruin them, haha. I'll check up on the firewhiskey, but I'm pretty sure it's one word...unless I'm going crazy...Thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
Hi, this is Eyriana from the Golden Snitches forum. :)
I can tell how challenging something like this to write would be! But you've done a pretty good job so far. It's more interesting to me than I thought it would be - I'm not a fan of politics, magic or otherwise :P But you've made it interesting and written it in very good detail. And I like your characterization of Malfoy. It already goes a little deeper than the basic evil-and-snooty-to-the-core. Good job with it :)
I'll be on vacation for the next couple of weeks, but hopefully I'll be able to read more during that time and maybe get at least one more review in. Otherwise I'll review more when I get back. :) Nice story!
BlaireAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you find it more interesting than plain old Muggle politics. I promise there will be more twists later. Malfoy I find a very entertaining character. :)
Please do come back if you'd like to. I hope you enjoy the rest! =]
Gabby Report Review
Hey! So So So very sorry that it took so long. I was out of town and then it was my birthday and then my husband and I bought our first home... so as you can see it has been a busy couple of weeks.
Anyway... Really good update. I am very interested to see what Kingsley is going to do now. You have developed the plot very well. I know that this is more political than action, but a littel action would really help to move the story along. NOt complaining, just a suggestion.
Anyway. Can we punch Pius in the face. cause I really wanna. I am sorry this review isn't great... I am just exhausted and would like to check out your new fic before turning in tonight.Author's Response: Haha, glad you're still following and enjoying this story. Thanks for reviewing! Pius is not the most likeable person, I know. =[
And I suppose the genre label "action" IS a bit misleading up to this point. :P The reason why is because I have 2 large battles coming up, which span about 5 chapters in total. So rest assured, your action will come soon! :) Report Review
Ooooh. This was a wonderful chapter! It's very different from the others (the loo scene :P), but in a good way! All the secrets and confusion on Kingsley's end was good -- it changed up the style a bit and allowed for a new perspective.
I think the way you integrated the whole thing about whispers in the beginning was fantastic! I was getting the impression that he was hallucinating a bit, then realized he wasn't, which was a pretty cool effect on how I saw the story.
The missing letter is very interesting, heh. ;] I'm curious what Kingsley's going to do about it. And this whole big 'order' meeting! I hope you'll be giving us a nice look into that as well!
Your grammar is always flawless! I'm green with envy :]
Keep up the good work!
-JillAuthor's Response: Hey, Jill. Glad you liked this so much. Haha, the loo scene. I thought it was about time I gave Kingsley his own chapter. Writing him getting aggravated over the whispers was the best - but I can't believe you'd ever think my Kingsley would hallucinate! :O
Well, seeing as Erickson no longer goes to work...And have no fear, the next chapter has Peterson's meeting. Perhaps someone who isn't invited will sneak in...? :P
Thank you for reviewing! The next chapter is already in the works.
~Gabby Report Review
So I finally, got the spark to review again. I was leaving like everyone really short and not very helpful reviews and I apologise if I ever left you any of those. But I was just sitting by the computer and saw you updated TCSTVoices. And I was like, Ohh I'll review that. I have forgotton how much I truly enjoy reviewing and trying to help authors and learning what I can improve upon too. Ohh, I'll stop blabbering now. Haha, I'm probably boring you.
I must admit I thought it was very interesting how you opened this chapter with Kingsley at the urinal. It was the most interesting scene I think I have ever read while a character uses the restroom or the loo. I think was very interesting how you thought of including how he felt it was his shelter. In that moment you captured the readers with your descriptions and what Kingsley heard while visting the loo. I think that was my favorite part of the chapter, haha.
Anyway, I love this story. It's so different. It's so much political based and I'm surprised I like this one as much as I do. I love the different aspects of the ministry you have captured. I love how you have taken a step further than J.K. Rowling and developed characters she hasn't and I also love how you have created your own. You've thrown in some origional stuff that and that's what sets this fic apart.
I love it! Keep writing, and definitely let me know when you update!Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you liked reading about Kingsley in the loo. I always hear interesting things there, so I thought it would work for this. ;)
Glad the political stuff doesn't bore you - then again, if a phone book won't, what will? :) The action/adventure is going to start popping up soon, too...
And yeah, I'm starting to get my reviewing spark back as well. Now that I have some free time I've opened up a review thread at TGS. Feel free to drop by there, and thanks for the review here! Report Review
I love how your Kingsley is so slick when confronted with hard questions from Pius. I really enjoyed how he turned the tables to Thicknesse and started grilling HIM for a change. OOh the plot gets thicker! Awesome :]Author's Response: Yep - I altered Kingsley and Thicknesse's roles from canon, but I think they fit well. Kingsley's my favorite in this story, I love him. =]
Hope I'm keeping it an interesting read! Thanks so much for your reviews. Report Review
The Vidiportal was a nice touch! This was a really intense chapter. The first part with Lucious was especially gripping. For a moment I thought that Voldemort would off him, but the fleeing was a nice twist. And is it just me, or does Kingsley seem a bit off here? Do I smell a traitor in disguise, or is my paranoia growing with all this political unease in the air?
It seems I'm getting really into this story :)Author's Response: I'm glad it was gripping - life would be slightly easier if Voldy had Lucius whacked, but alas. And I'm not saying a word about Kingsley, although his loyalties may become clearer as you read on. So far I'm making everyone as ambiguous as possible to keep y'all guessing. =]
Thanks for reviewing! I hope I live up to your expectations. Report Review
Another brilliant chapter! you never fail to impress me!
Wonderful job! YAY! Harry's back!
10/10Author's Response: Yes, Harry's back. I don't know how much help he'll be to the situation, but he'll certainly try. After all, the poor Ministry wasn't doing so well without him. ;)
Thank you so much for leaving these great reviews! I appreciate it. Report Review
Wow! Wonderful chapter! Everything is unfolding so brilliantly! Every step is a new and exciting turn! It's left me so excited!
I love this! Onto the next!
10/10Author's Response: Aww, thanks for all the compliments. I'm glad I've succeeded in making it exciting and unpredictable - it's difficult but superfun to think of new twists. =] Report Review
Brilliant chapter! Wow! Way to end it! Cliffie! Can't wait for the next!
10/10Author's Response: Yay, glad you're enjoying it. Thanks so much for these reviews, they mean a lot to me. =] Report Review
Wow! Very impressive. All of Lucius on this chapter kept me on the edge of my seat. And great title. It really drew me in. ;)
Onto the next chapter!
10/10Author's Response: Bahaaha, I loved writing Lucius. I wanted to make him sweat a little, since it seems he never does in the books. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ah! I realzied that I had alreayd read the first two chapters! But, as it's been awhile, I started from the beginning!
This was a very good addition to your story. There is really something quite unique and impressive coming along! I can't wait for the rest!
9/10Author's Response: Hey, I'm so happy you think it's impressive. I'm so flattered! ;) Report Review
Wow! Why are you concerned about this chapter?? It was brilliant!
Well done! I have nothing to say but this: Amazing! Wonderful! Fantastic!
I'm really loving this.
9/10Author's Response: Yay, that's great! Can't wait to see what you think of what happens next. =] Report Review
Hello, my dear! I'm here with your review!
Wow, so this was brillaint. Well thought out, obviously, and very unique! I can't wait to see where this goes! And yay! 8 more chapters! I'm so excited for it!
Brilliant fjob. I have no CC except for a few mistakes here and there. It could use a read over but that's it.
Onto the next!
9/10Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you're excited for more! I'll get a beta for this eventually. Thank you for coming by and reviewing!
~CSG Report Review
I did not see Malfoy's resignation coming. Wow. This has me biting my nails. And I'm not good at conspiracy theories, so I won't burden you with any of my foolish speculations, but I know you have something good up your sleeve!Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad the suspense is working. Strangely enough, this story doesn't have one huge conspiracy, but lots of teeny ones! Hopefully you'll like what comes next. Thanks for reviewing yet again! I appreciate it. =] Report Review
I love the last line! Very nice.
Again, I really don't have much to comment on... everything's so well laid out and making sense with everything else that the story's going along so well.
I was a bit surprised that Harry had notes with him... I always thought he just stored what he felt was important in his mind... that could just be me though. I agree that the trio are definitely the hardest to write, but you've got him pretty well here, that just stuck out a bit.
Not to mention that you write Voldemort so well, heh. He toys with people's minds so much, it's horrible, yet also really fun to write. I could tell you enjoyed writing this bit.
Definitely let me know when the next chapter's up! I'd love to read/review it! :]
-JillAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks. As for the notes, you'll see soon that the plan is way too complicated to keep in his head. Harry's trying to show Scrimgeour that he can be an adult and beat Voldy from strategizing, not just luck.
Yay, Voldemort is SO hard to write. Probably 4th hardest character after the trio, but so fun! Anyway, thanks for the reviews and I'll be sure to let you know.
~CSG Report Review
Another fantastic chapter! On a side note I'm going to say - YAY! FRED IS STILL ALIVE! - heh. I love the twins!
I think it's wonderful how you've got this cute family get together thing... it's so believable... and that's really all I have to describe. It's wonderful how you've shown it. I can remember a few talks with my parents that had the same type of setting - all sitting around talking about a depressing topic.
I also love the bit about the Carrows messing things up at the school... just another little twist to throw into this ;]
I really love this story, you're doing such a great job with it! I'll get to the last chapter tomorrow!
-JillAuthor's Response: I love the twins, too. This gathering was like a tribute to my favorite Weasleys: twins, Molly & Arthur, and Bill & Fleur. It was about time we got some good, wholesome stuff in here, after 7 chapters of drama and politics. =]
Yeah, I'm bringing Hogwarts into this briefly, too. I'm trying to cover most of the Deathly Hallows [minus Hallows, plus my own twists] in this story, and it's awfully difficult!
Thanks again! I'm so glad you're enjoying this enough to read and review everything.
~CSG Report Review
Hm.. interesting. You're working this plot to your benefit, and I really like it!
When I first read the part when Harry entered, I felt that he was a bit OOC, but I've gone back and reread that thought's diminished a fair amount, but I feel like he's a bit more whiney than Harry really would be... a lot more uncertain of what he's doing. I feel like Harry was uncertain, but he never really showed it. I dunno, just my opinion.
Other than that it's a wonderful continuation! Bringing him to where the minister's staying, heh. I loved Scrimgeour's response, and I can only imagine what will happen when we see these two again!
Just a quick side note, I really like how you're able to weave between the thoughts of the different characters so well, it's a handy skill to have an you use it expertly.
-JillAuthor's Response: Sadly, writing the trio is one of my weaker points. I tried to make Harry seem tired, and of course his temper is short, but otherwise I wasn't too sure how to write him. If you feel up to helping me out, let me know!
LOL, Scrimgeour wants him out of the Ministry's way; that's the only reason he's keeping him there. You'll get more of them in Ch 9. :P
*blush* Actually, the weaving between different characters is the only way I know how to write. If you ask me to stick to one point of view, I get antsy.
Thanks for reading, and for another great review!
~CSG Report Review
Hmm, I personally thought you tackled this chapter well... perhaps you'd bring about slightly more chaos and skepticism in the Muggles in the beginning as they learn the Wizarding Community exists. I think I, a mere Muggle, would completely flip out at the prospect of magic. Other than that, the story is very easy to comprehend and, like I mentioned before, for a political satire, I'm impressed and hooked!Author's Response: I did consider total chaos while writing this, but I decided it wasn't realistic. In HP, the Muggle PM in Britain knows about the Ministry, so governments in some other high wizard-populated countries should, too. Plus, other leaders have their liaisons to convince them, so I went for a milder uproar. If the Muggle PUBLIC ever got wind of this, though, it would most definitely be chaos. ;)
Glad to hear that it's easy to understand and impressive. Thanks for reviewing!
~CSG Report Review
Ah!! Twists just pop up everywhere! You make everything interconnected! I wish I was able to do the same :]
I really love Scrimgeour, I'm not really sure why... I guess he seems so human. We're getting to see inside his mind, which is unusual for political figures, so we're seeing the internal distress and frustration he undergoes. It's refreshing and endearing (in a way) in the character.
Not to mention that there is SO MUCH deception everywhere you look!
I'm really intrigued by the relations with Muggles, it's great to see them contrasting the two worlds and realizing how they're so different.
You did explain the alarms well enough... I was really picturing them working in my mind.
I'm wondering how long you plan on making the story? Just an estimate, I'm not sure if this is still the rising action, if the climax is soon, or if the pieces are still being set?
I'll definitely finish the chapters you've got up by the end of this weekend!
-JillAuthor's Response: Haha strangely, connecting stuff in this story wasn't as hard for me as, say, a Hogwarts-based romance would be. Things just happen like they do in the real world, with a few magical twists from my imagination. ;)
Hmm, initially I didn't mean Scrimgeour to come across endearing, but I suppose he has grown on me a bit. He's a character that people can never decide whether he's good or bad, or both.
Glad that both the Muggles and the alarms are realistic here. And Merlin, we are just getting started! I estimate 20+ chapters before this is finished, although I definitely didn't mean it to get that long. I just kept adding ideas. =] Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
~CSG Report Review
Yay! Turmoil in the Ministry! *rubs hands together wickedly* I can sense it deepening in the next chapter already!
You've set this all up wonderfully to really knock it to them (I hope!! - not to be horrible). Thicknesse is a snake, and the way you've shown him slithering through all the departments (or supposedly so) and leaking information is fantastic! So common in politics and very believable.
I loved the telephone thing, and I DEFINITELY thought of a gun at first, imagine if it was and Kingsley had no idea what it did? It would be so easy for one of the Muggle dudes to kill him there on the spot! Not to distress you though, you mentioned how much you like him ;]
I really do adore this story, it's so different and so engaging! I'm adding it to my favorites list!! :D
-JillAuthor's Response: *evil grin* When I started this story, I meant to take the Ministry down quickly and painlessly, but as I wrote, I realized, what's the fun in that? So I created delightful characters like Thicknesse to mix things up a bit.
NO I would never kill Kingsley off like that! The liaisons are on their side, anyway. I just felt like giving the readers a shock to test if they were paying attention. ;)
Aww, thanks for the favorite! I'm happy you like it.
~CSG Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection